break-me-open

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Another raku fired ceramic sculpture. This one is about the experience of trauma. Feeling like you're being torn at perhaps by the earth itself and trying to hold on against this force that seems so far beyond your control. It ambushes your body, jabs at you, threatens to encase you. So you make art about it.

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Looking at different depression screeners than those I'm most familiar with and going, "Oh hey, there's another symptom I can add to the list!" because a lot of this shit lines up with my recent journal entries pretty damn well.

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Thinking about how when I was growing up, "fruit salad" in my house meant a mixture of watermelon and banana, two fruits which aren't even major players in most fruit salads.

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A ceramic piece about doing your own top surgery (&what if you could pull at your body like it was clay & how would you mold yourself); raku fired

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One thing that's great about working with kids as an autistic person is that I have very specific opinions on subjects that only kids seem to care about. Harlequin frogs are my favorite animal. Waxing gibbous is my favorite moon phase. My favorite clouds are either altocumulus or a combination of cirrostratus and cumulus. Thank you for asking.

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Coming for this guy next:

Things I've done tonight while procrastinating:

Tagged someone I haven't talked to in years in reference to a conversation we once has on MSN Messenger

Read through the new client forms my therapist sent me two years ago when I started seeing her

Learned how to pronounce "Chiron"

So.

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Things I've done tonight while procrastinating:

Tagged someone I haven't talked to in years in reference to a conversation we once has on MSN Messenger

Read through the new client forms my therapist sent me two years ago when I started seeing her

Learned how to pronounce "Chiron"

So.

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Had the kind of night that uuuuuhhhh... deepened my appreciation for Chappell Roan.

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Me @ my therapist: Yeah, so this popular song is very much about breath play, and it's the kind of song that will play from the speakers in supermarkets or department stores sometimes, sorry if your next trip to Kroger becomes awkward due to this information.

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I wore my trans flag colored sweater today for TDOV. I got a lot of compliments on it, but I can't know if it's because other people Got It or simply that it's a pretty good sweater. (It is.)

It's also something that's subtle enough that people who don't know might not know (as opposed to my "Support Trans Kids," "More Trans Bodies in Art" shirts), and yet! It still makes me a little nervous wearing it.

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*searches "how to avoid being traumatized"*

...

*searches "how to avoid being traumatized easy"*

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My CPAP machine scores my sleep each night, and last night was my first 100% in a while, which seems wild because I had an awful nightmare and feel so out of it now that consciousness feels unsteady.

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Making therapy PowerPoints got old.

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Told my mom I'm autistic for real today, and this was helpful because when she went, "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I could go, "Well, I tried to and kind of did."

Tried to tell my mom I'm autistic, but I'm pretty sure she misunderstood it as my speech impediment coming out and heard it as "artistic." Not sure how "diagnosed" was going along with that in her mind, but she straight up replied with an inside joke from when we were taking a ceramics class together. So.

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Thinking over yesterday's emails, Duo from Duolingo delivering the baby he had with the Scrub Daddy sponge was probably one of the weirder things to send to my former therapist.

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I love being alone and I don't do well when alone, and this is a really annoying combination to have.

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Do you ever not do something just because you already have enough to talk about in therapy that week