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This is truly incredible.

From Chicago to DC to Boston to St. Louis to Malawi to South Africa to New Zealand to Antarctica to Paris. Over 3 million people marching around the world.

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Confidence

I just want to put something out in the open. I’ve struggled with confidence since about middle school. I guess it stems from the fact that I’m shy and not particularly outgoing. Growing up, my dad had a terrible temper and I was always afraid of sharing my true feelings or opinions in fear of triggering one of his  explosive outbursts. Even now I’m still extremely conflict averse and have trouble contributing to conversations and class discussions on account of the fact that I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing and being reprimanded for it. Yes - I know that in reality no one is going to get mad at me for sharing my opinion, but it’s a subconscious fear that is embedded within me. More recently, I’ve been having several mental breakdowns. These breakdowns gnaw away at my mind and I lose myself. I sob and sob and sob until it hurts to think and I feel so helpless. If I’m being honest, during these moments I think of all of the ways I can hurt myself and rid myself of the pain. I have so many hopes and dreams and it’s as if during these moments I realize none of my aspirations will ever come to fruition. I think of reasons why I’m not worth anyone’s time. My boyfriend is my best friend and I can’t imagine what he feels when he sees me going through this. It’s hard on him. It’s hard on our relationship. It’s not fair to him and all I can think is that he deserves better. He’s stood by me through it all and I thank God for him, but I am so deathly afraid of losing him. I’m just unsure where to go from here. I’ve started school again and it’s turning out to be too overwhelming. I’d like to take fewer classes, but I can’t because it affects my study permit and my prospects of getting a post-graduate work permit in Canada. Yes, talking can help, but the thoughts start all over again once the conversation stops. I’ve taken an a work study with the sustainability club I’m part of, but I’m too overwhelmed to be excited and motivated for it. It’s only the third week of classes and I know I’m already behind. I’m not sure there’s a point to this post, but I just wanted to get this out. I’m putting my hand out for help, but I don’t know if anyone’s going to grab it.

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I wish this man didn’t have to leave us. Thanks for all that you’ve done for us Mr. President.

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This lovely image from BeZero.org perfectly sums up my major goals for 2017, which are:

Simplifying my belongings so that the only things in my home are things that are useful and/or provide value to my life

Learning to eat and cook wholesome (and yummy!) meals

To continue learning how to make better buying decisions and more importantly for me, how to repair.

To help myself stick to these goals I’ll be posting every so often to discuss my progress or challenges and I’ll also be posting anything that I find relevent or strikes my fancy :) Cheers and Happy New Year!!!

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Alli K Design

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May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art �� write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

Neil Gaiman  (via wordsnquotes)