butiwishidiedinstead

[butiwishidiedinstead]

fathers when they realise their youngest daughter has grown and isnt scared of them anymore: 😡

[butiwishidiedinstead]

i know loving the rain is cliché but the SMELL. THE SOUNDS. THE PLANTS GLEAMING AND HAPPY. the children playing. the adults leaving their bedrooms and sitting outside. the birds flapping their wings in excitement. the smell of wet soil. the dry cemeteries coming to life. in some ways i wish to be the rain. i want my arrival to be cherished, and i want to spark joy in the eyes of the dead.

[butiwishidiedinstead]

today i yelled at my mother for the first time in my life. i cant exactly remember the expression on her face while i was screaming but i can imagine it all too well. after i was done i ran to my room and drowned myself in tears. what a weird world. i cant even rage without feeling guilty. i betray my conscience multiple times a day, but this is a new method and its claws are sharper than the others’. ‘after all, its her first time being a mother’,is the explanation i try to sate my anger with.

but it is my first time being a daughter too.

[butiwishidiedinstead]

mfs be like “oh im so hot” like sir are you fictional?? do you have iridescent midnight hair? are your eyes black with a golden ring around the pupils?????? mf are you cardan greenbriar??

[butiwishidiedinstead]

every morning i wake up DISAPPOINTED knowing i dont have an extremely attractive, dark haired, and witty academic rival at school who’s going to compete with me in every class and we’ll make fun of each other when one of us gets a better grade and then one day we’ll be in an empty classroom and tension will be sparking and we’ll look into each other’s eyes and realise our rivalry is just an idiosyncratic form of ✨love✨

… sigh

anyways; if anyone has good academic rivals to lovers recs pls lmk 🥰

[butiwishidiedinstead]

me: reading books is so therapeutic!!!

also me: throws book at wall

screams into void

stares into space for over an hour

sobs until nearly chokes

me: mhm very therapeutic <33

[butiwishidiedinstead]

“i can be charming. i charmed you, didnt i?”

he rolls his eyes. “do not expect others to share my depraved tastes.”

idk why but this line makes me FOLD everytime. if this isn’t enemies to lovers perfection idk what is.

[butiwishidiedinstead]

i just KNOW cardan worships the very ground jude walks on and im HERE for it