butterflymay

[butterflymay]

last post fr ✌️

too tired of ts

[butterflymay]

i got these vintage leather pants recently

early 2000s Gap size 0

they fit like a glove. id say i made it but lol no

[butterflymay]

id be so bul imic if i cld just make myself throw up 😭

[butterflymay]

mmmm aquarium gravel (i was supposed to post this days ago lmao)

[butterflymay]

rant below 👇

i may try semi recovery again. like i knowww i keep saying this (on like all of my other accounts which i have deleted everytime i try recovery. im keeping this one tho it honestly helps me i just gotta do the reset thing with the tags) but i never go through with it.

im so scared rn like i have to go to the hospital soon.

i passed out at work again, but this time i stayed. my crush wants me to recover, and tbh i know if we get together and this brain fog and mood swings are in effect the relationship wont last. i really like this guy.

i really like food too. i like my restriction food, but i also like pastries and not passing out at work. i like toking and getting silly little treats. i like freaking milk in my tea.

i wanna go to raves and concerts and i have plans for a big concert in september but like i gotta get better.

im just so damn tired. i seriously cant do this shit again.

[butterflymay]

the immediate switch from junkorexie to ortho is wild. (numbers below- slight vent)

how did i go from eating 700 of protein and junk food everyday to eating 1200 and buying like healthy food and avoiding junk is easy again.

its either this new strain or that i just got off my period.

i do feel sm better tho hopefully i can keep this up even when my period hits.

anyways gonna rant about the changes ive made rq

first off ive gotten lemon juice and started drinking lemon water again (like 2-3 liters a day). ive gotten really into tea lately and i think ill invest in some (i get free drinks at the cafe i work at. so many tea and coffee varieties) ive been taking supplements that actually help instead of just taking whatever im familiar with.

ive always had a thing for protein; eggs and protein powder are my favs. ive also branched out into other proteins like nuts, greek yogurt (finally found one i really like. the flavor is so bland lol) tofu, and greek yogurt. i rarely consume any meat which honestly i love it i wish i could, but the way its cooked and processed is so blah.

along with protein, ive also gotten really into fiber as well. i put unflavored fiber powder in my protein shakes and ive been eating more foods with fiber. greens and dates mostly (dates taste like vanilla ice cream if you havent eaten it in a few years lol) some nuts too but i have a peanut allergy and the brands that dont use peanut oil to roast their nuts get pricey. also hella apples lol its great when they taste like apple juice

ive also found lowcal snack foods i enjoy. ive always been avoidant of trying new candy, but trolli gummies and butterscotch hard candies are super yum and cheap too if you find them at the right places.

condiments. idk those are scary for me, but ive recently learned how to make my own with greek yogurt. i used to not like mustard, but ive found that i really do like it. idk i avoided it for a bit i think my tastebuds just evolved.

anyways wake and bake just did the zap thing to my brain so thats all for now lol

[butterflymay]

super yummy lowcal tuna salad i made tn :)) i found a recipe on Pinterest (dm for original recipe) and changed it up just a bit to my preferences.

i mixed everything in a bowl with a fork and let it sit in the fridge for a bit. i also added black pepper but my pepper doesn't have a label to scan lol

[butterflymay]

i just took a laxative after eating more than i wanted within a few hours and i just took lax without thinking like dude

i set a minimum cal requirement for taking lax and i didnt get near it

like when i took it i felt panic and dread

tomorrow's gonna be rough considering how the past few days i have been feeling like shit already

im on my period and my stomach has been in so much pain i cant afford to not go to work tomorrow i hope i sleep really well

[butterflymay]

i keep binging on nutella wtf is wrong with me

[butterflymay]

the urge to bleed out on the bathroom floor while music plays in the background

[butterflymay]

i need a wet wipe

i took lax last night cause im tired of being bloated and THIS BITCH IS HITTING AT WORK

[butterflymay]

okay were all good i feel empty now

i took lax last night cause im tired of being bloated and THIS BITCH IS HITTING AT WORK

[butterflymay]

i took lax last night cause im tired of being bloated and THIS BITCH IS HITTING AT WORK

[butterflymay]

i am so aware of my body fat today

[butterflymay]

the past few days i have been eating like absolute shit.

i stayed with a friend for a few days and for some reason i had the urge to let myself eat freely. i stayed under 1000 every day i was there and considering the stuff i got into i burned all of it off.

i didnt fast or restrict certain foods though and i think its throwing me off because im like super bloated and my digestive system is fucky.

also the guilt and anxiety.

i just need to get back on track

[butterflymay]

boss make a dollar, i make a dime, that’s why i b0dy ch3ck in the bathroom for 10 minutes straight on company time

[butterflymay]

skim

Change a single letter and change the word game

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

Dirt