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c-ptsdrecovery · 30 days
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c-ptsdrecovery · 1 month
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c-ptsdrecovery · 1 month
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c-ptsdrecovery · 2 months
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[Screenshot of a comment by "Ace" from boredpanda: "Well yeah, but on the other hand, now is a perfect time to set your 2023 goals if you're able - just choose all the things you did and leave off all the things you didn't do." [/image ID]
Sometimes your achievements are unexpected.
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c-ptsdrecovery · 2 months
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on the validity of recognizing emotions
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c-ptsdrecovery · 2 months
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We all know at least one minimizer…
[Panel 1: The girl says, “My mom says some really toxic things to me.” The woman with short hair, smiling placidly with her eyes shut, answers calmly, “I’ve said some really stupid things to my kids, too.” Panel 2: The girl tries again. “My mom never wanted to cuddle when I was a kid. She was always coming up with excuses for why she couldn’t.” The woman, eyes still closed, answers cheerfully, “Lots of people don’t like to cuddle. I knew someone who worked at Head Start who didn’t like that the kids always wanted to hug her.” Panel 3: The girl looks silently at the still smiling woman for a moment. Panel 4: The girl says, “My mom sacrificed my twin sister to the demon Baphomet in exchange for a good harvest.” The placidly smiling woman replies, “She’s just trying to be smart with her finances.” The girl looks into the camera like she’s on The Office.]
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c-ptsdrecovery · 2 months
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Even a little bit of abuse is toxic and demeaning–and so is pretending it’s not.
[Panel 1: A smiling short-haired woman tells a girl, “But your mom isn’t abusive ALL the time!” Panel 2: Annoyed, the girl replies, “Assuring me there’s only a LITTLE BIT of poop in the brownies still isn’t gonna convince me to eat them.”]
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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Can I watch a great film knowing the actresses in it were terrorized and mistreated the entire time? Can I watch a football game knowing that the players are getting brain injuries right before my eyes? Can I listen to my favorite albums anymore knowing that the singers were all beating their wives in between studio sessions? Can I eat at the new fancy taco place knowing when the building that used to be there got bulldozed eight families got kicked out of their homes so they could be replaced with condos and a chain restaurant? Can I wear the affordable clothes I bought downtown that were probably assembled in a sweatshop with child labor? Can I eat quinoa? Can I eat this burger? Can I drink this bottled water? Can I buy a car and drive to work because I’m sick of taking an hour each way on the subway? Whose bones do I stand on? Whose bones am I standing on right now? 
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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Is it possible to “beat” mental illness? Or does it depend on type/circumstance?
“Beating” mental illness is actually the norm, not the exception. Most people who have a major depressive episode never have another one. 80% of people who survive their first suicide attempt never make a second attempt. 93% of Borderline Personality Disorder patients achieve remission. Up to 74% of people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder achieve significant clinical improvement in their symptoms, and 20% achieve full remission. Half of Generalized Anxiety Disorder patients achieve remission after the acute phase of treatment. Even disorders with relatively low rates of remission - bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoid personality disorder - generally become milder and easier to manage as you age. Psychiatric symptoms tend to peak in your 20s and generally drop off as you get older, especially if you seek treatment. 
This is why the narratives we use to talk about mental illness matter so much. Right now, the dominant narrative is that mental illness is “an imbalance in the brain” and that it’s largely something that people are born with. There are upsides and downsides to this. The upside is that it promotes the idea that mental illness is not the ill person’s fault, and it helps us understand that mental illness can impact anyone, regardless of their life circumstances. The downside, however, is that it’s sort of given us this idea that mental illness is inborn and unchangeable. People have taken on the idea that “that’s just how my brain is”, when the reality is that, for most people, mental illness is less of a stable trait for them, and more of just a shitty thing that they are going through for a little while. The idea that mental illness is just “in your brain” also erases the very real connection between your life circumstances and your mental health - while it’s very true that a wealthy person in a happy marriage can become depressed, it’s also very true that living in poor conditions and being in an abusive marriage can be the cause of depression, and that improving your life circumstances can lessen or eliminate mental health conditions. 
If you have a mental health condition, it’s very important that you not resign yourself to the idea that you’re going to be like this forever. Chances are, you won’t. Even if you have a mental health condition that is associated with low rates of remission, it is possible to make leaps and bounds in your functioning, and to get to a point where managing your condition becomes second nature to you. Our understanding of mental illness is improving every year, and new therapies and treatments are becoming available all the time. If you seek treatment and do your best to manage your condition, you have every reason to believe that you will make huge improvements. 
Hope this answers your question!
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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Your assignment this year
IF you choose to accept it!
is to make better New Years resolutions.
(Please note that making resolutions is NOT NECESSARY. This is only if you WANT to.)
--Non-Absolute Language: The resolution shouldn't be something you can fail easily. Use formulas like, "Attempt to go to the gym once a week, schedule permitting." Or "Try to reduce negative self-talk." Emphasize trying instead of succeeding. That way, if you screw up (because we're all human!), you don't need to just give up and feel terrible. We're aiming for improvement, not perfection.
--Remember that you will probably have to start slow and work your way up. You can even set graduated goals like going to the gym once every 2 weeks to start with, and then move to once a week by May or June.
--Don't expect something of yourself that will be stressfully hard to achieve. If you think your schedule will let you make 8 paintings over the course of a year if everything goes well, then consider making your resolution to try to make SIX paintings over the course of the year. Anything extra you can do just gives you a reason to pat yourself on the back!
--Don't pick resolutions that trigger you! If the thought of making a resolution to meet more people or to eat more salads makes your stomach hurt with anxiety or your shoulders start rising toward your ears with tension, don't do that resolution. Either avoid those topics entirely, or make your resolution gentler until it no longer triggers anxiety. We want our resolutions to be in the learning zone, not the panic zone. Maybe change "meet new people" to "Try to go out in public with your close friends more often." Or change "Eliminate sugar from your diet" to "Work on reminding yourself that there are no 'good' or 'bad' foods."
Some genres of resolutions:
Funny: Try one of every pasta shape you find. Try every new fruit you encounter.
Gentle Self-Care: Try to say something nice to yourself in the mirror every day. Try to remind yourself that the end result isn't as important as the process. Try to be easier on yourself. Try to enjoy the parts of your job that you like.
Enjoyment: Try to take at least 30 minutes every week to do something you really enjoy, like drinking a coffee and watching the sun rise. Take a long walk for fun at least once every two weeks. Pet your cat/dog more. Buy some pretty art to hang in your bedroom.
If anybody has any advice / suggestions / examples, please add them!
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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@faithfromanewperspective asked: #and if you're reading tags can i ask--how do you even know what you need to talk about in therapy?
This is one of those places where the most important thing is to get a really good therapist. Because part of their job is to help you figure out what you need to discuss, especially if you're doing trauma therapy.
The other piece of advice I can offer is to talk to your therapist about things that are bugging you. Therapy can be about that awful thing that happened to you when you were 7, but it can also be about the anxiety you're having about a particular class, or an argument you had with a friend last week that's still bugging you. One time I asked my therapist just to sit with me while I called a doctor's office to make an appointment because I was having trouble making the call on my own!
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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I am allergic to the word "success". I have been ever since middle school, when it was plastered all over the planners the school gave us.
Screw success. Try for contentment.
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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It's the end of the year, and therefore time to look back at 2023.
And I have to say, this is The Best Year I have had in a VERY long time.
Started the year--basically ON New Year's Day!--with my new Prozac prescription kicking in with a VENGEANCE. Was happy-hypomanic for basically the first time in my life (my hypomania was almost always anxiety before). That was AMAZING, and I can see why some people with bipolar disorder don't want to go on medication. The problem is that the hypomania is not stable, and I dropped back down to depression again. Raised the Prozac dose. Hypomanic! Dropped back to depression, Raised the Prozac dose. Hypomanic!!
Finally I went to a psychiatrist, and she, bless her, suggested gently that what I was experiencing might actually be hypomania. I was sitting there wearing rainbow colors with a highlighter pink hat, rainbow pony bead bracelets and funny earrings like, "I don't think I'm hypomanic." God bless her for not laughing out loud.
Anyway, I got on Lamotrigine/Lamictal (mood stabilizer) and... Oh my god. The depression went away. The anxiety went away. The anhedonia went away for the first time in years and I was able to actually quietly enjoy my life. Like, I had been capable of happiness before, but it was always some form of excitement. I could just look around my bedroom, see my stuff, watch my shows, crochet my crafts, sigh happily, and say that I loved my quiet little life. Now I can. It truly is life-changing.
I had done so much work on my C-PTSD with my therapist over the last 4 years that once the mood stabilizer kicked in... I was suddenly great. Nothing to talk about in therapy. No problems I couldn't solve. I got into an emotionally healthy environment in 2021, I have a good, stable support system... And now that I was on mood stabilizers, I could actually FEEL like I had a good, stable support system (I had felt very isolated before, even with a good group of friends).
I have spent 2023 genuinely enjoying my life for the first time in possibly a decade or more. Between my mental health and my loss of anhedonia and my friend group and my paganism/witchcraft... I feel more myself than I have since like, middle school.
It gets better.
You slowly, piece by piece, put your life together, get the things you need, get the therapy you need, get the meds you need, and one day you realize that you like your life and you don't need to struggle for something else: you have what you want already, and you're able to enjoy it.
That's my New Year's wish for all of you, even if it takes a few years to find it. Don't give up. Keep trying things. Keep pushing. Keep loving yourself. I promise, it will get better.
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c-ptsdrecovery · 3 months
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anon / anon / @mountainqoats / bygones, Keaton Henson / Invitation, Mary Oliver / better in the morning, birdtalker /
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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 months
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I just got off the call for my last regularly-scheduled therapy appointment. I've graduated.
....
Imma buy myself a cake or smthg :))))))
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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 months
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healing involves a lot more grieving than you’d expect. progress hurts. you’re moving on from things that happened but also things you wished would happen and never did. mourning does not mean you are not getting better.
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c-ptsdrecovery · 4 months
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I've been meaning to make this post for months, but I'm lazy :P
This year, I got diagnosed with bipolar 2, and going on mood stabilizers has been LIFE-CHANGING. (In the way they always told me going on antidepressants would be, only it wasn't.) I have discovered that I had a lot of (common) misconceptions about what bipolar disorder was like, which was why I struggled for at least 15 years with it and didn't get diagnosed until now. So I wanted to share a little bit about what I've learned about what bipolar disorder is REALLY like, in the hopes that other people in the same boat as me might recognize their own symptoms.
Disclaimers: I am not a mental health professional or an expert in bipolar disorder, and this is drawn from my personal experiences, which may be different from what another person with bipolar experiences.
--There are different levels of depression and of mania. Low mania, for instance, is called hypomania. While people with Bipolar 1 experience a range of emotions from mania to depression, people with Bipolar 2 experience mostly depression with occasional hypomania.
--People have a very extreme and stereotyped idea of what mania looks like, so it can be harder to recognize hypomania in particular. Things that mania/hypomania can look like:
anxiety
restlessness
insomnia
constant fidgeting
huge excitement or joy
intense creativity
intense sensory experience (colors are brighter, handsoap smells AMAZING, etc)
rage
less inhibited behavior
more spending
more risky behavior
feeling like you're finally yourself for the first time in years
--You will notice in that list that manic doesn't just mean happy. Mania is a high-energy state. That can mean high-energy happiness, high-energy anger, high-energy anxiety, etc. Depression is the low-energy side of the equation.
--You don't have to be JUST manic or JUST depressed. It's very common to have "mixed episodes" where you are both at one time. I was diagnosed years ago with "anxiety and depression"--and it turns out that that was probably actually a bipolar mixed state. A lot of people with classic depression talk about having no energy, having trouble getting out of bed, etc, but I always had the kind of depression where I felt despairing but also high-energy. I was restless and anxious--and sometimes had bursts of happiness and enjoyment in the middle and then went back to being depressed again.
--Bipolar can feel like mood swings. Your moods are intense and they can change quickly. I have had a psychiatrist tell me that you know it's bipolar when your mood changes for no reason. This may be true for some people, but for me, I could almost always attribute my mood change to SOMETHING. "I feel bad because of that thing somebody said to me" or "I feel bad because I'm lonely" or "I feel anxious because my stomach is upset". So that wasn't a helpful indicator for me, but the presence of the mood swings was. Some people also try to say that you have to be in a manic or depressive state for a certain number of days in order to qualify as bipolar--but if you're having mixed episodes like I was, all bets are off as to how long a mood is going to last.
--It's very common for people with bipolar disorder to have sleep problems: sleeping too much, sleeping too little, or both. I go right to sleep at bedtime, but then I wake up in the middle of the night, lie awake for an hour, and then go back to sleep. I have done this regularly for literally 15 years.
--A really good sign of having bipolar disorder is if trying a new antidepressant makes you manic/hypomanic. This doesn't always happen to people with bipolar disorder trying an antidepressant, but it certainly can.
My experience with antidepressants is that sometimes they seemed to work a bit for awhile, but in the long run, they really didn't work. One antidepressant that I tried made me FURIOUSLY ANGRY, so much so that it scared me and I had to get off the med after a week (the rage was a hypomanic state). One antidepressant that I tried made me so unbearably anxious that I took it ONCE and never again (that anxiety was also a hypomanic state). I took an antidepressant once that worked PERFECTLY for two months, and then suddenly stopped, and never worked again (happy hypomania, mood-swinging back to depressed again). What finally tipped us off that my problem was bipolar disorder was when I tried a new antidepressant and it made me feel AMAZING and then it wore off and I got super-depressed again... and then we raised the dose and I felt AMAZING and then it wore off, and... Meanwhile, I was happier than I had ever been before, I started a new hobby of collecting bonkers earrings, I started dressing in eye-burning rainbow colors, I was far more confident than I had ever been, I spent more (not way too much, but more) than usual... That is the kind of hypomanic/manic state that most people recognize as such, which is how I finally got diagnosed.
I will add on tomorrow or so with some stories about episodes that I recognize in retrospect were from my bipolar disorder, but I don't want to make this post longer than it already is! I will just add: If any of this sounds like you, I strongly encourage you to talk to a doctor about trying mood stabilizers. Maybe they won't do anything for you--but then at least you'll KNOW. I have a sneaking suspicion that just like C-PTSD is wildly underdiagnosed, bipolar disorder probably is, too.
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