#abusive relationships

[moonlit-positivity]

You are not obligated to forgive your abusers. You are not obligated to forgive anyone who hurts you, regardless of if they've changed their ways or even if they're struggling and in need of help. You are not required to honor anyone else except you, your feelings are more important. Please do not ever feel guilty for saying no and setting boundaries.

[neuroticboyfriend]

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

Y'all don't have to put up with this

[furiousgoldfish]

How abuse affects your friendships and relationships

Friendships/relationships

Abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Children of abusive parents are more likely to tolerate abusive friends

Abuse will make toxic friendship feels normal.

Abusive parents teach us to chase people whose love we think we can 'earn' or obtain by removing boundaries and suffering more abuse.

Abuse can trick you into believing you have to love people unconditionally even if they abuse you.

Abusive parents fails to teach you the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse makes us scrutinize our own actions and behaviours, but never others'.

Abuse will make you completely disregard subtle red flags in friendships.

Long term neglect can make us long for any kind of attention

Neglect makes us extra vulnerable to Love Bombing and Mirroring

Abuse makes us vulnerable to Future Faking.

Abuse makes us tolerate more pain than anyone normally would tolerate in a friendship/relationship.

Abuse can teach us that neglect, lack of positive attention and engagement, lack of consideration for our needs and wants, is normal and acceptable in our friendships and relationships, leading us to tolerate it.

Living in abuse and using fantasy and idealism to endure the reality, will encourage the development of Magical Thinking in adulthood.

Abuse makes us emotionally vulnerable to grooming, and likely to bond with groomers.

Abuse makes it impossible to notice the signs of an abusive relationship.

Abuse can groom you to accept and tolerate abuse from others.

Sense of self

Neglect causes low self esteem.

Abuse greatly amplifies the human fear of being unlovable, unwanted and dying alone.

Being raised in abuse can make you feel like you're 'not normal' and make it difficult to relate to people.

Abuse can make you feel like you're a constant inconvenience and always left out.

Abuse forces you to keep secrets that alienate you from friendships or feeling like a part of community

Abuse in isolation makes us feel like the world abandoned us.  

Attachment disorders

Abuse can lead to intense, over-attached, idealized, unstable, disorganized, or detached and fragile attachments as opposed to stable and healthy ones with boundaries and realistic expectations.

Neglect can cause abandonment issues, which then cause intense stress, anxiety, insecurity, and overall traumatic response to a break of a friendship/relationship

Neglect can cause craving of being ‘taken care of’ or ‘being the caretaker’ rather than pursuing equal and completely mutual relationships

Abuse can lead you to bond intensely with a 'favourite person' which puts you into a position where you can easily be groomed or exploited, and unable to get out of it.

Abuse leads into idealizing people who show us even the minimum of kindness.

Abuse can make us crave ‘feeling important’ even from abusers

Parentification

Parentification teaches you to take care of other people as a Survival Strategy

Abusive parents can set you up to live as a resource to others

Abuse teaches you to keep your pain secret while tearing yourself apart to care for other's pain.

Socializing

Abuse starves us out of conversation, touch, gentleness, community, and it can be painful to introduce ourselves (back) to it.

Abuse makes casual socializing anxiety-inducing and frightening.

Social abuse can invoke social anxiety.

Abuse can make attention feel dangerous.

Abusive parents can sabotage you socially, making your real entrance into social life only after you get away from them, and by that time you've missed out on valuable development of social skills and you're starting with a disadvantage

Suffering the pain of abuse alone can make you feel like isolating yourself and being away from people is the only safe way to exist.

Suffering long-term abuse can make you intensely doubt people's intentions (and sometimes you might be right).

Abuse can make any criticism in a social situation extremely painful and triggering for us

Abuse can create strict double standards for how we're allowed to live and feel, and what others are allowed.

Intimacy and closeness will trigger emotional flashbacks, painful memories and personal crisis, making you unwilling to try and be close to people.

Long term abuse makes it painful for us to receive or accept comfort.

Abuse can make us feel indebted for comfort.

Abuse makes us feel like we're craving abuse when we're only craving comfort

Abuse makes us look for positive attention in non-effective or dangerous ways.

Abuse can make you blame yourself for any social interaction that hurts you.

Abuse makes us dismiss our own discomfort with others.

[bitchesgetriches]

How Abusive Workplaces Mirror Abusive Relationships

Earlier this year, Piggy and I delivered a speech on the subject of burnout. That there’s an appetite for advice on this subject among women’s professional associations will, perhaps, not shock you?

As I was researching the impact that burnout has on the body, I got an eerie feeling that the symptoms seemed familiar. I wondered if I’d already written something on this topic and forgotten. (We’ve written several hundred articles apiece, so it happens!)

But no! What was tripping my extremely faulty memory triggers wasn’t a past article about burnout.

It was a past article on domestic violence.

Keep reading.

If you liked this article, join our Patreon!

[cptsd-kitsune]

[catgirl-catboy]

Fictional Universes play by different rules than real life, and not all fictional universes play by the SAME rules.

IRL, hitting someone without their consent is assault. No, ifs, ands, or buts about it.

In fiction, sometimes it is assault. Other times, it is slapstick comedy and not meant to be taken seriously between the characters.

Unless you can acknowledge this, I don't think you can have a productive conversation about if a ship is toxic or not in the context of its own universe.

[hermesmyplatonicbeloved]

Vulnerability & Trust in Percy/Annabeth's Relationship

Thinking about how Percy knows almost all of Annabeth's fears and insecurities. She told him about her trauma with spiders since her childhood. She told him about how both her parents didn't want her as a child and tried to give her away. She told him about how her step mother treated her, isolating her from her step brothers. She told him how she was chased out of her father's house by monsters, not once, not twice but three times. She told him how her father moved to San Fransisco, a hot spot for monsters. She told him about her issues with her mother - how all of Athena's gifts come with a price. She told him about how all she ever wanted was just a chance to prove herself, to go on a quest. She told him her fatal flaw; hubris, and explained her vision of the sirens to him. Her innermost desires and dreams.

Just thinking about how Annabeth trusts Percy and feels safe enough with him to be emotionally vulnerable/show her weaknesses, knowing that he'll comfort her and support her. That he won't used them against her.

Also thinking about how Annabeth doesn't know most of Percy's fears and insecurities. Did he ever tell her about how Gabe used to abuse him and Sally; emotionally, financially and physically? (Annabeth laughs when Percy says that Tartarus smells like Gabe so I think not). Did he tell her about his and Gabe's "guy secret," and how Percy knew Gabe would "punch his lights out"? Did he ever tell her about how Gabe used to humiliate him for failing at school (due to his learning disabilities) and insult him by calling him "brain boy" (which is painfully close to "seaweed brain")? Did Percy ever tell her that the thing he's scared of most is becoming like Gabe and hurting the people around him? Did Percy ever tell Annabeth about his fear of suffocating (freaking out in tlo after Hades placed Percy in an air tight room, and suffocating in the mud in Alaska)? Did he ever tell her that he has virtually no self esteem? That while everyone calls him a hero, he doesn't believe it because he feels he's nothing compared to other heroes? Did Percy ever tell Annabeth about how he's been suicidal since they met and still is - and actively attempts suicide in BoO?

I think it says a lot that Percy only told Annabeth where his mortal spot was after she nearly died protecting it. After she proved herself in a completely undeniable way. Instead of telling her beforehand, where Annabeth would've consciously known where it was and could've actively protected it.

Just thinking about how despite the fact that Percy has pretty much declared Annabeth is the only one for him, he hasn't told her anything about the first twelve years of his life, his developmental years that shaped the person he is today. Wondering why he hasn't told her. Is it because he feels like he's just burden to her, like he's just "the problem boyfriend" who has no idea why Annabeth still puts up with him? Is it because he doesn't feel emotionally safe around her? Or because he's scared that she'll laugh at his Gabe-trauma, the way she laughed at it in Tartarus when he was triggered by Gabe's scent?

Thinking about how so many of Percy/Annabeth's issues could be solved if Percy just spoke up about them. Also thinking about how hard it is to be vulnerable with someone, even someone you love, especially if you're constantly thinking that you're not worthy of them. Especially if there's some traits in your relationship that somewhat remind you of an abusive relationship you had with someone else.

Just thinking about how unequal they are emotionally.

[moonlit-positivity]

You don't need everyone to like you. I understand this can be an overwhelming trauma response to being neglected and otherwise hurt as a kid without the comfort and reassurance of our parents. But please try to remember that your worth is not dependent on how many people can love you. You have something much more important and worth protecting-- your heart and soul and mind and spirit. Not everyone you meet in this world is gonna resonate and vibe with you on those same levels. You've got to get comfortable with the concept of being misunderstood or feeling out of place-- and, rather than fawn to fit in, take that as a sign to find the spaces and people who can better appreciate you for it.

[neuroticboyfriend]

abusiveness and predation is not unique to men. abusive women (and the abuse of men for that matter) are much, much more common than you think. if your support for abuse survivors only extends to women or people who were abused by men, you don't actually support survivors.

so to all the survivors who aren't women, and the survivors whose abusers weren't men: i believe you, and i see you. you deserve to be safe and supported. you are not alone. your pain and suffering matters just as much as others' does. what happened to you is just as awful, and i'm wishing you so much healing and happiness.

[sapphic-sex-ed]

i looked on your abuse tag for a while and didn’t see that you answered this but if i’m wrong lmk. any tips on how to pull a friend out of an abusive relationship? i know i can’t control her but she asked me to tell her when her relationship starts to look like what mine did and when i told her she didn’t listen and now she’s getting back with the same person after 3 days. i know i’m not supposed to control her but i don’t know what to do besides an ultimatum at this point. hoping someone else has better advice before i do that.

Thank you for asking this highly relevant question. I'm sorry your friend is in a bad relationship and I'm sorry you have been through this as well - abuse is too common and that's why I'm glad you asked. We all need this information.

Most people's first instinct when their loved one seems to be in an unhealthy relationship is to raise the question with them. How people do this differs, and I would always opt for what's called curious exploration (open questions about the relationship and reflections of the emotions your loved one expresses) over confrontation, as the latter seldom is productive. In your case, anon, you raised it as agreed upon beforehand but your friend wasn't receptive to your thoughts. This, too, is common.

In my experience with clients in a abusive relationships, there is a lot of shame tied up into being a "victim", one of several reasons "survivor" is a preferred term. To imply or explicitly state that their relationship seems abusive can in instances when they're not ready to hear that yet lead to resistance and a deeper commitment to said relationship. The genuine concern for their safety is taken as criticism of themselves and their own person, usually as there probably exists some doubts and insecurities already. When we are already insecure we tend to become more protective of whatever it is we are insecure about. For this reason I would stray from words such as 'abuse' or even 'unhealthy'. Not to say that labeling abuse as abuse cannot be a relief to some - when they are ready for it it can be very cathartic for somebody else to see and acknowledge their experiences as abuse - but they need to be further along in their acceptance and insight for that to work.

As people who care about them, it can be difficult to see a loved one stay with or go back to an abusive partner. We want them to be safe and happy and to us it seems obvious that the source of their misery is the abusive partner. But abusive relationships aren't always all bad all the time. That's how we get stuck. It's like a slot machine. It can be helpful for some to speak about their relationships like a behavioral addiction - the mechanisms are similar or the same. That's what the actual definition of love-bombing is, btw. The increase in loving behaviors by an abuser right before or right after a bad abusive episode meant to keep the victim in the relationship. Because of this pattern - tension, incident, reconciliation (honeymoon phase or love-bombing), calm - it can be difficult for the person being abused to see the abuse, as it's not all bad all the time. That hope that the love-bombing or calm phases will prevail is what is so addictive about the abusive relationship. "This time maybe it will work out".

For us who see the abuse, we want to support our loved one, and the first instinct if usually to get them to leave. As discussed, that's not an easy task. It's common for abused partners (speaking explicitly about IPV, but any type of domestic violence regardless of relationship works similarly, although leaving may look different when the abuser is a relative) to leave the abuser between 3 to 11 times before they leave for good. Some never leave. What abuse does, at its core, is strip us of agency and dignity. We become dependent and degraded. If somebody else then comes along, no matter how good their intentions, and tells us that we must leave that too is stripping of agency and will be met with resistance. The change needs to come from within the abused person themselves.

Confrontation creates tension both within you as a friend and within the loved one you're trying to help, and can lead you to drift apart, especially if the abused feel like you are judgemental of their relationship. We don't want this to happen. Isolation is one of the main tools an abuses utilizes, consciously or not (because while some people are just cruel and consciously abuse others, a lot of the time the abuser is only half-way aware of what they are doing), to keep their victim in the relationship. Instead, what we want to do is offer support on the abused person's terms. Don't try to persuade them to leave. Instead offer support like a place to stay if they need it. Or a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Just doing friendship things and preventing isolation. What somebody needs will be based on their relationship and other social and psychological factors. If the abuse is physical they may need somebody who can drive them to the ER. Or if the abuse is more psychological (not mutually exclusive obviously) they may need somebody they can call at any hour to cry. Economical abused people may need someone who can open an account for them to stash away money or such. Ask your friend what they need if they are open to that. Or if you notice something they might need help with if you can do that for them. If they are very downtrodden and lack the ability to decide if they want help with X thing, you can speak in statements like "I will do X thing for you when you need me to".

When it comes to talking about the relationship, I use a lot of elements om motivational interviewing (MI) when I meet people in abusive relationships. You're not a therapist or a counselor, you're a friend, but the core tenets of MI are based in compassion and evoking change through that. To use skills like active listening, simple and complex emotional reflections, and open questions to bring to surface the person's own reasoning are not outside the scope of a layperson. To hear yourself say something aloud often makes it easier for us to hear the flaws in our own reasoning because now it's not just an internal thought, now we hear it as others do, and that is what using MI elements does. Again, you're not a therapist, but to use active listening skills is good in any private relationship.

I hope this was helpful. I also invite followers to share their tips from experience both as survivor and friend of survivors.

-mod liz

[estro-gem]

Jax x Ragatha: Blood in the Water

The Amazing Digital Circus AU: Oasis

Author's note: Happy Valentines day! (even if it's belated) Have some angst and psychological torment~ (And a teensy bit of fluff) This entry has a lot of Jax, Gangle and Ragatha mixed together. I don't know how to label it, because it's not a Ribbun fic, but it's not entirely a Bunnydoll fic either. It's just a little mix of things.

Warnings: Abusive/Unhealthy relationships Depression Mania Implied violence Threats Talks of character death Animal instincts (RIP to the people who understand the signs)

SUMMARY:

Gangle is accompanied by Jax, who had requested her assistance with something unexpected. As the two spend some time together, Jax realize that there is more lurking beneath the mask she chooses to hide behind. Due to the outcome of a quarrel, the rabbit is left to his own devices and ultimately seeks out Ragatha's company to make a special delivery. As the odd couple eventually part ways, Ragatha is left unaware of a bloodtrail enticing an evil that they hadn't encountered in a long time. This is literally the only way to summarize the story without spoiling anything.

BLOOD IN THE WATER

Tissue paper. He wanted tissue paper to make paper flowers.

While the use of tissue paper could make for beautiful, simplistic, soft flowers, it wasn't something that Gangle would consider Jax to use. Tissue paper was frail and hard to handle without running the risk tearing them - especially for the rabbit, who was known for his rough grip and impatient streak.

But to Gangle's surprise, Jax insisted for tissue paper as bright and blood-red as it could be.

The ribbonoid could provide; happy hand over her stash she usually kept for the sole purpose of bleeding tissue-art, since the bright colour bled the best when compared to the other shades of red she had used in the past. It wasn't often for her rabbit-friend to partake in crafting arts, so she milked the moment for what it was worth, curious to find the reason behind the sudden interest.

Explaining and demonstrating the process of making the flowers was easy enough. The rabbit was delighted to see that they were simple to make - following her instructions with white sheets to practice with, before jumping to use the red sheets once he got it down. She sighed, a little annoyed by how she was going to have to beg Caine to replenish her green pipe cleaners, but happy to see Jax take the activity so seriously.

"Who knew that some people would spend their whole life wasting time on things so stupid?" Jax mused to himself as he picked at the thin, upper sheet of red paper to seperate it from the others.

...Well, as serious as he could manage it.

"And yet, here you are; wasting your oh-so precious time on the very thing you are calling stupid." Gangle smiled sarcastically as he finally managed to grip onto the sheet, then moved it painstakingly slow to fluff it up without tearing it.

He could insult the activity all he wanted, but he was taking it seriously.

"Because it's not stupid when I do it~!" Came the smug chime of Jax's voice that Gangle anticipated.

"No, no, you're right!" She said in mock agreement, before taking the chance to jab at him, "...because calling what you are doing 'stupid,' would still be considered as a compliment."

"Watch it, sister!" the bunny warned, clearly annoyed at his slow progress. He pointed the blades of his scissors to the ribbon that was acting as Gangle's neck, before snipping at the air and making the girl internally freak out for a moment, "Yer one snip away from bein' decapitated."

Breathe.

"Nothing you haven't done before~!" The masked ribbon teased, attempt to mask her moment of surprise.

"Didn't do a good enough job before, by the looks of it..." Jax sneered, before abruptly dropping the scissors and resuming his tedious task of fluffing up the flower.

Slowly, the tension left the ribboniod's body and allowed her curiosity to seep into her mind once again, as she tried to figure out his motivation for this task that he was so clearly annoyed by.

Earlier, he almost bit her head off when she offered to help him make the flowers. 'Many hands do light work' was her reasoning, but Jax was having none of it. He insisted on doing it all himself, leaving Gangle to busy herself by using her other coloured tissue paper to bleed it into some of her silhouette drawings she made a while back. They were mostly trees and little birds sitting in branches.

She liked how staining - tainting - something could be considered as 'art.'

If the colours were overlaid atop each other by having complimenting shades and colours positioned just right, her tissue bleeding art could resemble a stain glass styled background. 

And what others would see as a mess, could become something beautiful.

"Finally!"

She heard Jax exclaim, like he was spitting a curse. She peeked up and saw Jax eagerly counting the flowers he made over the course of the long while they had spent together. There was a moment of silence. She saw him freeze - before scrambling to count them again, more carefully the second time. He picked up the long, fuzzy, green steels of the pile, placing them down in a new pile as he counted. One by one, he counted them until he placed the last one down and buried his face into his hands with a groan.

"Not enough?" Gangle mused, not bothering to look at him, but unable to resist the urge to tease him.

"Shut up!" He spat, grabbing other green pipe cleaner and picking up the tissue paper to cut them into singular sheets again. "I need one more and then I'm finally done with this $*%@."

The masked ribbon looked up to him, then rolled her black eyes towards his pile of red, rose-like flowers. By how they were piled together, she couldn't count them all.

"How many did you make?" She asked, not expecting him to give a straight answer.

"Not your business, crybaby."

Typical.

"Ok, sure... but the number of roses you give really matters, you know~?"

Jax scoffed as he finish cutting the paper and carefully started layering them. He scrunched them in the middle and twisted the pipe cleaner around it to hold it together.

"I don't care about those things." he mumbled more to himself than to actually answer.

"And yet you are so determined to have the number right...?" Gangle asked, skeptically.

"Ugh, shoo!" the rabbit tried to wave her away like a pestering fly, making her snicker to herself, "Get out of here and let me focus."

"It's MY room!" Gangle accused, "YOU get out."

"Alright, alright! Geez, just let me finish this one, you drag." Jax chuckles to himself, pleased to see Gangle worked up.

It grew silent for a while, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. Neither of them were mad. Neither of them wanted the other to leave. They were content and comfortable in each other's presence, despite the harsh words and use of blades to threaten each other. It wasn't normal, that was for certain, but it was theirs - and they would remain closely intertwined, yet never merged.

No... they had their significant others for that. The ones they truly wanted. They never wanted each other...

They only needed each other once in a while.

Like they did the other day, when Jax was driven by the mercy of his animalistic urges to... well... to do whatever it was that they wanted him to do at the time. He motives were never easy to predict when he was in that state. Some of the things he did, was probably something that only a rabbit would understand. Or maybe even a rabbit owner...?

Once Gangle found him in his room, vigorously clawing at the crumbled tiles beneath their feet, causing the glitching mass that the void of the hole he was creating, to crawl up his arms and almost invade his entire form.

Another time, he would loom behind Ragatha and shadow her movements like he wanted to EAT HER. While the doll insisted that he was no danger to her; and that he was being playful when trailing or circling her, Gangle always felt the need to intervene when he'd started to nip at her shoulders. He was never happy be dragged away in those cases - always running tight circles around Gangle in attempt to avoid her grasp - even going as far to virosciously swipe at here in jagged blurry movements. He'd take hours to calm down and he hide away for just as long when he'd clear his thoughts after those particular episodes.

She didn't know why he would be exceptionally embarrassed about it those specific instances he'd go feral. He never really did anything strange other than acting like a creepy stalker, but in a weird Jax-kind of way. As he was capable of recalling what he did and thought after his feral episodes, Ragatha once asked him why he would act as he did and pry about what his train of thought was during said times. The chasing. The circling. The nipping. 

Jax would clam shut at the very mention of it, simply shrugging them off in dismissal and refusing to even acknowledge it.

It probably didn't matter all that much anyway.

The ribbinoid pondered for a moment, before deciding to take the chance to get some answers.

"So bunny, what set you off this time?" She asked casually, seeing him fumble with the flower he was fluffing up, "Why did you go 'rabbit' on us the other day?"

"Same old, same old, Ribbons..." Jax mumbled, clearly not keen to talk about it, "Just a random triggered event, nothing special."

He blinked away the clear image of milky fabric dorning a purple heart.

"You sure?" Gangle asked gently, "I won't judge, you know! I won't even tell a soul."

"Drop it, Bowtie." Jax said with a bit of a forced grin, "I said it's nothing important."

"You know... I don't think that's true! I'm worried about you. You'll feel better when you talk to someone about it-"

Jax gruffed and bared his teeth in a menacing smile, causing Gangle to raise an eyebrow as he hissed harsh words at her, "What, are you trying be Raggs now? You should know your place - stick to what you're good at, Crybaby."

"I'm not trying to BE Ragatha, Jax." Gangle spat back into his face, matching his snarling grin, "Is it that hard to believe that I could actually care about you?"

"You shouldn't. It's not what YOU do."

"Just like telling people what they should and shouldn't do, isn't what YOU do."

"Yer right, that guy's GONE." Jax snarled, dropping the flower to get up in challenge. To his surprise, Gangle didn't back down. She just smiled back eerily, sending a quiet shiver down his spine. He knew she saw it.

She knew.

"He never told me that I SHOULD do anything~!" she purred, her voice no longer raised, "We were a team, but you wouldn't understand that, would you? You have no one. You bound to be alone for the rest of your pathetic existence~"

Jax looked disturbed, then enraged, but determined to hide it, "Kaufmo was nothing but a tutorial that prompted everything you did." he sneered, "If he was anything more, he'd still be here, or you would be gone too."

"Oh, you think I am so reliant on him!" The girl huffed, dismissing his accusations, "I didn't need him to know what my purpose is. I don't need him to fulfil my role and I don't need him to be replaced by anyone. I don't need him. So don't you go accuse me for trying to take Ragatha's place while you're clearly trying to take his."

"Well, someone has to get you to clean up your act with your housekeeper going AWOL." Jax swiped to knock Gangle's cold grin off her face, but she was faster, slinking her lanky form up and stretching to grab onto the high canopy of her bed and crouching atop it to sneer a grin down at him.

"You think I can't handle myself? Bunny, I've been doing that for a while now~"

"So that's it, huh?" Jax thump his foot as his frustration grabbed a hold of him, "You don't care? You're not bothered about what needs to change for us to survive without him?"

"Nothing needs to change!" Gangle laughs, but it sounds like nails on a chalkboard, "Things will go back to how it was eventually."

"With him gone and that new sucker around?" the rabbit barks a bitter laugh, "I doubt it! Don't think I didn't notice your little grudge~ And don't come to me with that crap about her 'checking you out' or 'trying to mess up your thing with Zooble' or any other bull@$&#! I KNOW there's more to it than that."

"We don't need her." Gangle slowly stalks along one of the beams above her bed, crawling closer to the wall, "She's useless to us. It's only a matter of time before she'll be gone. You saw her. She barely made it through her first day!"

"So it's survival of the fittest now?" Jax's eyes widen, realising that she's walking down a familiar route - a route he was made to obstruct.

"So you are on HER side, now? You're no better than me for implying that she could replace Kaufmo."

"Oh my god... I never said that, you $@&#@!"

"Then what are you saying?" Gangle asked with quiet tone, laced with false innocence, "Before, you said if Kaufmo meant more to us, then he'd still be here... or I'd be gone. Are you saying that I'm not needed here anymore? Am I useless now that Kaufmo's gone?"

Jax was at a loss for words - he was at a loss for anything. She was beyond reason. She was in denial. He never saw her cry or mourn her friends death. He missed all of the red flags, while wasting his time chasing his dolly around. He neglected his role.

He neglected his friend.

Jax saw her idly crouch close to the wall. He knew that she was moments away from disappearing into the rafters above his head.

He could still save her from herself. He had to stop her.  He had to get that damned, grinning mask off.

"Gangle, get down. Now."

...

She leaped to the dark ceiling, above the lights and up into the rafters, among the beams that supported the impossibly large tent. The rabbit could only watch as she slipped out of sight, cursing his incompetence in the silence of his mind.

He flopped down, holding his head in his hands.

How long has it been since he saw her cry?  When last did he make her cry?  For how long did he allow her to cling to that damned mask now?

She seemed fine before...

"@#&$!" Jax exclaimed, wishing nothing more than for Ragatha to be there with him. His doll.

No.

Maybe Gangle needed Ragatha more than he did?

Damn it, Kaufmo... Where are you?

He turned to take a hold of the unfinished flower and continued to fluff up the petals. He had to keep his hands busy as he desperately raked through his thoughts to figure out a plan of action.

He would go find Ragatha, as he originally planned, to go do his thing.

And then he'd find Zooble to bash their triangular face in, to get rid of his frustration.

Then finally, maybe, they could find a way lure Gangle to them, before she does anything destructive.

To them. To herself...

Jax sighed as he finished his last flower; and then he cursed Kaufmo for leaving them in a mess that HE was meant to clean up. He would've known what to do.

Jax's ears drooped to his back now that he was alone. He allowed a moment for himself to breathe. He was the snake. He was coldblooded and opportunistic - not meant to show compassion. He was their outlet. He was their scapegoat. He was in control and he would give the others control.

Control over what they hated.

He just had to crawl a little further...

Jax huffed as he stood up and grabbed his self-made bouquet, modifying it to his own vision and his liking. I simple, large white sheet of paper he could nick from Gangle's supply would to wonders to tie the bouquet together. It's a shame he couldn't hold onto Ragatha's blue ribbon he plucked from her hair

It would've made for the perfect tie...

The rabbit adjusted his clothes and patted down his big front pocket, briefly thinking about it's infinite pocket space cartoon-features. In times like this, he really appreciated the neat little quirk of his form. He tried not to think about the logic behind it for too long - it made his head hurt.

He straightened up his ears before leaving Gangle's room, modified bouquet in hand and walked down the hall. His eyes trailed up to the unseen beams and structures above him, trying to shake the feeling of being watched.

What are the chances...?

Shaking his head, Jax hurried his way down the hall. He had to be quick. It had to be perfect. Just like he planned. She would never see it coming. He just had to make it to her room without being noticed...

As he passed Kinger's door, he noticed it to be open and stole a glance inside as he marched passed it. What he saw didn't shock him, per say, but it was something he wished that he could watch a little longer... maybe get a little context while he was at it...

Ragatha and Kinger were sitting on the rug in the middle of the chess piece's room, with the ragdoll allowing the king to rest his head on her lap. They seemed to be sharing a tender moment and Jax felt a surge of emotion at the sight of Kinger seemingly being of sane mind again. It was definitely happening more and more now the Kaufmo was gone... Or maybe he just didn't notice it before...? Hell, maybe Kinger felt the need to fight off the madness a bit more, in order to compensate for their loss in a way? He could only guess, but the fact of the matter was that the king was definitely more... all there... than he was in a while.

Jax couldn't take too long to dwell on that thought.

He reached Ragatha's room and hurried to summon the key to unlock it. He was sure that his doll's keen eyes spotted him in his haste passed Kinger's open door; and the prominent bouquet in his hands would look, suspiciously, a lot like a weapon in passing, so it was only a matter of time before his dolly-dearest came running. It only took him a few moment's to slip inside, work his magic and carefully exit the room again.

No sudden movements...

He smiled to himself as he was just in time to stand away from the door - not looking suspicious at all - with the bouquet in his hands as he wore a bright smile that would put the very sun to shame. Ragatha stumbled out of Kingers room, looking like she was trying to find any excuse to... well.. excuse herself from Kinger's company to make her way down the hall.

He knew she would come running~

"Dollface~!" Jax called in mock flirtation, as she approached with a curious, yet suspicious look on her face, "How lovely to see ya on this fine day-"

"What did you do this time, Jax?" Ragatha asked with an amused sigh, eyeing the paper flowers with intrigue gleaming in her eye.

Jax dramatically gasped, putting a hand to his chest as if his heart was ripped out by her mere question, "Yer breakin' my heart here, Doll! Can't I just get my most favourite ragdoll in the entire Circus some flowers?"

Ragatha laughed, amused by his charm, "Honey, I'm the only ragdoll in the Circus!"

"Not the only one~" Jax winked, casting her a knowing smile.

He had another doll... in his room. One Ragatha made just for him. One that proved to him just how much his ragdolly cared for him, even if it was just by making a mere plushy. It was her promise to him.

Ragatha give him a fond smile, while shaking her head, "Oh, Jax..."

"Yeah... Uhm..." Jax cleared his throat, trying to move the conversation along, before things got too sappy, "Speaking of... These are yours. See it as a peace-offering after destroying your door and all..."

Ragatha's eye lit up by the sight of the deep red flowers that the rabbit practically shoved into her face, "Oh, Jax... These are paper flowers! They look handmade too... Did Gangle-?"

"Oh no you don't, Sweetheart~ I made these myself! Too bad I couldn't get ya real roses... I'd love to make a 'smell the roses' joke out of that!"

Ragatha unwrapped the flowers from the white sheet of paper, eager to see how he made them. She chuckled in wonder when she saw the green pipe cleaners acting as stems and took the chance to quickly count them.

"Nine roses, huh?" She spoke, almost breathless as her cheeks started glowing bright red.

"You like them?" Jax asked, looking her in the eye with a definite fondness.

How he would cherish this moment...

"It's perfect." Ragatha breathed, like a prayer, mirroring what he had told her in the past, "Perfect."

Jax gave her a smile that seemed to be laced with a strange melancholy as he absorbed her words. For a long, heated moment, the two only looked at each other, getting lost in their gazes. They were so close.

So close.

"You maybe wanna put them in your room? Ya know... before I get an earful from Zooble for being sweet on ya?" Jax smirked as he softly spoke, almost hypnotizing his Dolly into melting.

"Oh you~!" Ragatha sighed dismissively, yet fondly as she walked by her bunny to open her door.

Jax took a breath as she passed him, calming himself.

Don't laugh.

Don't laugh.

DON'T-

It was over in a matter of moments, just as Jax had anticipated. Just as he had planned.

Ragatha, knowing that Jax had keys to everyone's room, didn't think twice about her door being open by a mere crack after finding him standing right next to it when she found him in the hallway with a bouquet in hand. Hell, she was too distracted by the bouquet in her hands to pay attention to anything else. She didn't anticipate the full bucket of water balanced atop her door... or how it tumbled to spill water all over her form as she entered he room, cradling the soft, tissue paper flowers. The mass of water drenched her from head to toe and caused the bloody red tissue paper to crumble and melt into a big, soggy mass in her arms, matting all over her milky fabric she had as skin.

Her precious gift, melted and ruined. His time and effort, wasted.

Jax couldn't contain his laughter any longer, bursting into a fit as he saw her freeze in her doorway, before slowly turning to face him with a shocked, dead, expression. Her eye was glossed over with tears welling up at the sight for the flowers being completely ruined - a soggy sludge she tried so desperately to hold onto, only for it the sloppily drip to the floor as it seeped through her fingers.

"You should see your face, Raggs! Oh my god!" Jax laughed, gasping for air as he barely managed to speak simple phrases.

He should feel bad... but after this day he's had...? He really enjoyed a good laugh.

"My..." Ragatha spoke in a quiet, broken voice, "My flowers..."

"Ha! More like your SLUDGE now, princess~" Jax taunted, before harshly grabbing her wrist and holding it up for her to see.

Ragatha's eye widened as the sight of her pale fabric-skin; stained a smudged red as the tissue bled the bright red colour onto it. It would take hours of washing to get it out... or a hassled conversation with Caine to snap it back into it's former glory. Ragatha's heart sank into her shoes at the sight of her ruined flowers and the stains they left tainted onto her hands and arms. A lone tear crawled down her cheek.

It was such a thoughtful gift too...

"Looks like I'm not the one that's caught... red-handed! Ha!" Jax joked, seemingly unphased by her distress, before looking down at her with a cold look that she couldn't decide to be alluring or heartless "I've gotta say though... That look isn't half bad~"

He always thought that she looked so beautiful when she was crying. Now there she stood, tainted by his on doing. Beautiful... One could call it art.

"Anyway~" Jax dropped her hand like it was trash, shaking his glove as if he could shake off the sludge that the flowers had become, "This was fun and all, but I gotta go harras Zooble now, mmmkay? Don't miss me too much, Sweetheart! You wouldn't wanna hurt yourself~"

Ragatha stood silent as she watched Jax saunter off until he was out of the hall and out of sight. Her heart felt like it was shattered into millions of pieces, before being stomped on; only to ultimately resemble the blood red mass that now laid on the floor in her doorway.

He was... He was...

She couldn't think of a suitable thing to call him as she numbly looked over to her bed, wanting to collapse onto it and refuse to get up the next morning.

...But something caught her eye...

He was...

On her pillow, clear as day, laid a single, red flower, just like the ones he had gifted to her in the form of the now ruined bouquet.

One blood red flower, put aside and spared from harm, for her to keep. For her to admire.

He was her monster.

Hypnotized, Ragatha was lured to her bed, idly letting her door slowly swing shut by it's own accord as she fully entered her room. She was too distracted to see the glimmer of red ribbons ooze through the shrinking crack of her door...

As it clicked shut.

Author's note:

And there you have it, folks! Everyone in Oasis is messed up, hooray! There's a storm coming~ RIP Ragatha, I guess...

By the way... did you know that there were special meaning behind the number of roses you gift someone? Did Jax gift Ragatha 9, 1 or 10? All of the above? Who knows~ Bet he does... Mister 'I don't care about those things' (...asshole.)

Oasis: TADC AU list

Masterlist

[furiousgoldfish]

How a friendship (or a relationship) should NOT make you feel:

What if I’m not good enough to be their friend/partner?

If I keep doing everything in my power to please/impress this person, then maybe they’ll someday acknowledge me and like me

I’m not worth their attention. I was stupid to expect them to care about me. I should have known I’m not special to them from the start.

What they just did crushes me inside and makes me feel invisible/worthless/forgettable/abandoned but I know it’s my fault for being like this and I can never bring it up or they’ll think I’m a freak

I should stuff my feelings down and accept that I’m just not that important and that if they accidentally walk all over me this is fine and I have to find a way to be at peace with it

I wish they would give me at least half as much attention as I’m giving them. But if I bring it up, they’ll think I expect too much or that I’m keeping count and I shouldn’t. Maybe one day they’ll return the attention.

I don’t feel cared about at all. I feel just as lonely as when I didn’t have anyone, but now also scared that it’s my fault.

I’m scared of what they’re going to think of me if I say how I feel. I’m scared what they’re going to think if they find out more about me.

I can tell I’ll be abandoned as soon as I confront them about anything unfair and painful they’ve done to me.

I want to have someone but this is painful.

I don’t think they realize my feelings are real, and that I’m a real person who exists even at time when they don’t need me. I don’t think I can explain this to them.

I feel used, but it’s my fault for allowing them to use me. I need to figure this out myself.

I feel that for every good thing I do for their life, they make mine more painful and unbearable. They don’t even notice it because they don’t know what I’m going thru. And I don’t dare to tell them.

If I tell them what’s painful for me, when they inevitably do it again, I’ll know they knew they’re hurting me. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

Would they just be happier without me?

I’m spending more time fretting and over-analyzing what they’re going to do than enjoying their stay in my life..

I don’t think this person ever cared about me. They only saw what they could get out of me.

I feel like crying repeatedly when I remember things they did and said to me

I feel that they want to keep me even when it’s incredibly painful for me to endure it. I want to be set free. Why won’t they let me go.

If this is your experience in a friendship or a relationship, it’s not love and care that you’re getting out of it. These situation should not happen in a loving, healthy and mutually caring friendships or relationships.

It’s unlikely that you feel slighted by things that aren’t meant to slight you. Being ignored, neglected, left behind, manipulated, used, lead on, groomed, shamed, forced to fear what their perception of you is - those are all scenarios that would upset and bring pain and misery to every single person. You’re not irrational for feeling this, and you don’t have to hide it. If someone is repeatedly making you feel this way, you’re more than justified in leaving. You don’t need to endure this for anyone.

[owlet]

as much as people would like it to be, communication is not the end-all solution to relationship issues in every situation, and sometimes reconciliation isn’t worth attempting

communication is the go-to solution for two reasonable people who want the best for each other. pretending that this is the case in every single instance is only going to get victims of unfair and abusive situations re-manipulated into the same problem they’ve had continuously had, re-traumatizing them by forcing them to perpetually resuscitate their dying relationship with infinite dead-end loops of “communication”

not to mention that some abusers weaponize the “you’re not willing to communicate” line to guilt their partners about trying to leave or draw hard boundaries. as if it’s their fault that they didn’t say “hey make sure you don’t abuse me” or they’d somehow stop their abuse if their partner asked and said please.

not every relationship is worth communication in an attempt to save. sometimes you just need to leave as quickly and completely as you can

[aziraphales-library]

Hiya! First of all, I wanted to thank you guys for the absolutely AMAZING work you do for this fandom. Don't know what we'd all do without you!

Do you have any recommendation for fics where Crowley was in an abusive relationship before Aziraphale? Doesn't need to be the main thing™, and I'm not fussy about AU or not, I just like that kind of hurt/comfort after?? The kind of vibe "In Which the Flower Grows", if you of it?

Thank you so much and hope you have a lovely day!

Be sure to check our previous rec here and and here. Generally your best bet would be to check #crowley/lucifer and #unhealthy crowley/lucifer tag

Shackled by rainbow_salt [M], WIP

Crowley and his boyfriend move into the flat next to Ezra and his husband’s. But things get complicated when they start to fall for each other, while also dealing with issues in their respective relationships.

-

Next-door neighbours AU, but replace most of the typical fluff with angst.

When I Watch The World Burn (All I Think About Is You) by CosmicOcelot [M]

Behold: Crowley, taking 6000 years to figure out the difference between Love and Lust.

Lavender, Chamomile, and a Rather Permanent Arrangement by southdownsraph [M]

Crowley owns the flower shop across the street from A. Z. Fell's tattoo shop, and can't help but be intrigued by the slightly eccentric, yet incredibly friendly tattoo artist. When Crowley does finally pluck up the courage to talk to him beyond the occasional pleasantries, he kicks off the beginning of a friendship that could so easily drift into something else entirely.

Black Ice by DarkHedgehog [E]

Crowley's dream was to become a world class ice figure skater and win gold medal at the Olympics. His coach, best friend and lover Lukyan has made all of this possible. So what if they have to hide their relationship from the world? It's because no one would understand. But that's okay, Crowley doesn't really need any other people in his life.

If anyone knows of any more fics like this, let us know here!

~Mod N

[catgirl-catboy]

You know what??

I am FOR romanticizing and glorifying abusive relationships. 100%.

Because abusers don't tend to actually do that. Abusers point out that other people have it so much worse then you do, and talk about realistic (if a bit dark) depictions of that abuse. My abuser wouldn't portray what she did to me as anything but "100% normal thing that happens all the time, not even worth complaining about". It'd be a footnote in her story.

She wouldn't write it as "lashing out due to poor coping mechanisms" or "they're both mentally ill and trying to improve!"

Want to know who does tend to make those excuses for fictional abusers? Victims.

Victims that are either unaware that that isn't normal behavior, or are writing wish-fulfillment where things could have gone differently.

So yes, I'm actually for "problematic" depictions of abuse, and want those who weren't in that place to shut up about the fact that it gets made. It isn't for you.