πͺ¦Just putting thoughts downπͺ¦π¦ββ¬π¦ββ¬π¦ββ¬π¦ββ¬
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If I had even a sliver of the normality you so yearn for from me, would that trigger even the smallest of sentiments from you?
And then maybeβ¦
...Could I dare to sink my talons into that ice-bound crater you so piteously call your heart?
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I am the dog who waits in a troublesome hush beside you. Perpetually fastened to the leash you string me on, awaiting just a moment of serenity when you, holiest you, sanctify me with an adoring scratch on the head.
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How could you do this to me? Make your poor, helpless dog wait? Don't you know he is the fool who does not see freedom?
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My biggest regret is that I could not love you as God had intended; only through the chiseled sculpture of notions in my hexed mind could you ever hold a morsel of my deepest affection.
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To try to be is not to be.
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When you think as much as I do, you are bound to contradict yourself from time to time; hell, maybe even switch sides entirely. I wonder if its a testament to my illness of the brain. Should a normal person think as much as I do? Should they have as much conflicting beliefs and opinions as I do? Even I struggle to understand myself at times.
I must be locked away. Yes, if I were someone else entirely, I would lock myself away. Then I would leave myself with nothing but a journal to fill, thus allowing myself to study my own mind. But I would not share my findings; no, that would be much too dull! I would have to memorize everything and burn it all away! Find the answers yourselves; I crave suffering!
Muwahahahahahahhhah!!!
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Today I am 18β¦ Oh no, here comes that sinking feeling again. I have wasted my life.
#recently the crows have been nearby- a place they usually arenβt#they are not here today though..#I now interpret their recent visits as warnings#that no matter how much I tried to forget about it this day would still come#thoughts#gen z#writer
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Loneliness is a disease.
It must be. By definition, it fits perfectly.
The way it kills you is awful. The pain of a migraine that just won't go awayβone that's just growing inside you slowly.
Itβs exhausting, and you want it to end.
But there is no cure.
You cannot do anything but lie in bed, rotting away, as you have no choice but to accept your fate.
Pray the other side is filled with others of your kind, or let it steal you away.
Then, you are trappedβdoomed to sickness and exhaustion over and over.
Eternally, that is your fate.
#i wonder If that's why people avoid me so#as if simply being around me would lead to their fall from grace as well#should I wear a mask? gloves too?#thoughts#writer#lonely#alone
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In a world of sheep, may I be a vulture
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The dead are strange. Peculiar creatures who I feel a need to immortalize through even the most immoral of means. This fixation runs deep, like Iβve held the corpses of hundreds with a heavy grief weighing upon me. In truth, do I even care for those whoβve died? Did I care when they lived? No. No, I did not, and that makes me a cruel, sick fuck to only care for the dead and never the living. Why canβt I treat them with the same gentle hands or the words of a thousand respects as I do the ones I lay to rest? Why must I treat them so differently? Like two different creatures? In truth, it is the living that are strange. Utterly bizarre yet not as fascinating as their resting counterpart. β¦ For that, I do not like them. I do not like strange strangers.
#i think sometimes I forget that I too am βlivingβ#regardless I canβt find solece in things that are alive the way I do the dead#how warm and cozy it must be in a coffin!#oh but terribly lonely no doubt!#I must take them home with me to give them company#writer#thoughts#dead things
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May our future moments together be brief. Any longer spent in your presence, and I fear I will run out of air.
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Do you ever feel the tide rise above you? Do you fret in those moments? β¦No, you are Aphrodite. My Lady of the Sea, you cannot drown. You are exempt from such irrational fears.
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I am a selfish person. An extremely selfish person who will never be satisfied with anything in humanity. But I am still just a boy, you see! Just a horridly selfish little boy! β¦ I shall make proper use of this excuse until I have become a selfish man, for I am still just a boy.
#oh what will become of me once I reach the state of adulthood?#I will be known as the egomaniacal man of my murder of crows#What a shame what a shame#thoughts#writer#selfish#17#i want to be a kid again
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Whenever I am feeling down and questioning my existence, I wonder if I am perhaps not really human. Human beings donβt have this.. hole inside of them, do they? But then I proceed to tell myself that that feeling of loneliness and sorrow is the most human thing one could ever possibly experience! What would I be, but a robot, if I didnβt question those around me? This has since led me to the conclusion that both answers are correct and that there are, in fact, two types of human beings in this world: those of society, who live life as just without care, and those in the shadows behind the walls of said society, who cannot live without the answers that lie within the walls of their thought-to-be superiors. Both feelings are entirely valid to the human experience, and I would say they fit in the genus Homo. However, with such different brain chemistries, would they really both be deemed Homo sapien? I like to think they are the same case of crows and ravens: very similar, same genus, but still different species. Perhaps only one is Homo sapien and the other is an undisclosed species, but then which is the Homo sapien? Who is the true human?
#ah such silly thoughts to keep me awake at night#its quite funny to differentiate our natural definition of humans to the scientific term homo sapiens#we are all just great apes at the end of the day#thoughts#writer#human beings#humanity
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I wonder what itβs like to be in love. Truthfully, totally in love. It must be wonderful like the movies say. I will cherish the moment I marry and adore you forever more. I will be perfect, oh so perfect for you. And normal, I promise I will be normal for you. I will be good, so good, I swear it.
#can you smell the desperation?#normal people donβt have to worry about being normal#itβs strange how normal isnβt in my default code like it is for others#thoughts#writer#love
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People do not speak of how tiring it is to function as a human enough. Not only am I tired every day, but I must work on top of that too. How terrible! I have no way to cure myself of this exhaustion either- no special hobbies or interests to lighten my dampened mood. What can I do to feel pleasure in this life? Can I only rot in my bed? Will I die here? Sink into this mattress that pulls me in, let it absorb my sticky flesh, muscles, and ligaments? Everything that holds me together, until I am nothing but a pile of fresh bones weighed down beneath it?
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Always the dog, never the man.
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I wish to be a god. But no matter how I try, I find myself the worshiper and not the worshipped. What does it take to become a god? What must I do? I recall when I was little, my parents would call me an βangel.β I donβt want to be an angel- that isnβt good enough. The angel still obeys the one above it- I donβt want to bow to anyone. So how? How does one evolve past that of an angelic being to something beyond even that which is divine? Or am I perhaps stuck in the world of the ordinary? Never to be anything moreβ¦
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I feel like people donβt realize just how easy it is to dismantle the government. Ok, well maybe not that easy, but it isnβt as hard as people make it out to be. They sit around and complain about inflation and corruption in the workforce, but then they donβt do anything to solve it. They believe it to be impossible when, in fact, it is possible. We, as citizens, are what make our government function- they wouldnβt be anything without us. We have the power to choose who speaks for us and push them out of office if they donβt do it right. We choose our president, our senators, our mayor. If we can get them into office with our mass votes, then yeah, we could just as well kick them out and choose someone better. We have seen this done time and time again in history by people who we consider βbarbaricβ just because they were years ago (and also maybe killed people). But we can still do it: be βbarbaricβ by any means if it means being free. Rally together and protest, boycott, and demand change. Itβs getting embarrassing being an American in βthe land of the free,β yet slowly seeing my rights ripped away from me all because people are too afraid to make a stand.
#it makes me wonder what Hamilton and Jefferson were thinkingβ¦#Dividing our parties and believing that we truly are divided is the only thing keeping the government in power#I wish people paid more attention to this instead- realize we are not each others enemies#writing#thoughts#government#government corruption#fuck the government
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