caeli0n

[caeli0n]

My big positive of 2020 and something I didn't think would be happening this year... Becoming a homeowner! Completed on my flat today and got the keys 😁 #newhome #movinghouse #nextchapterinlife #bringiton #excitingtimes (at Tilehurst, Reading, United Kingdom) https://www.instagram.com/p/CG3ZX_zs4Mk/?igshid=7pp8wctgpp8w

[caeli0n]

New t-shirt arrived today :p @qwertee #meinmyqwertee #covid19 #lockdown https://www.instagram.com/p/CA0h9NHAYHK/?igshid=t7rgj2eisen

[caeli0n]

Made it through another year :p #birthday #perfecttshirt #qwertee https://www.instagram.com/p/B6lH1OIASgo/?igshid=130gi03dlblvf

[caeli0n]

The reason I fell in love with @beatonebar ! #beatonereading #irishdiscobiscuit #cocktails #friyay https://www.instagram.com/p/B6TfvgmgMQG/?igshid=15gabcjsxokwn

[caeli0n]

Nan's biscuit recipe... Must be Christmas time! #memories #baking #family #Christmas #sentimental https://www.instagram.com/p/B6GeipYA-zd/?igshid=o5o2f09ia4yx

[caeli0n]

@princecharlescinema Another great pajama party! #disney #disneyfilms #disneypajamaparty #lovingit #worthit #sotired https://www.instagram.com/p/B2-ewUjgW8u/?igshid=15iqg9xar6tsp

[caeli0n]

Back again! #disneylandparis #lovinglife #disney #disneyears #holiday #familyholiday #nevertooold (at Disneyland Paris) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2ejfB0gFO6/?igshid=gvz42k5e8hrd

[caeli0n]

Wonderful spa day with my amazing mom! Love you loads xx #pamper #afternoontea #spaday #selfcare #goodfood #spatreatments (at Holiday Inn Reading - M4, Jct.10) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0joECnAstV/?igshid=p9b25ifyfie6

[caeli0n]

My current state of mind.

Last week was Mental Health Awareness week. It has taken me until now to put some words together as this is still something I find difficult to admit to struggling with and talk about.

Everyone is different and we have different struggles. No-one knows exactly what someone else is going through or how they are feeling. I don't think it is possible for anyone else to fully understand. This doesn't mean you are alone though (even though that's often how it feels).

I want to take this moment to thank those in my life for their support. A lot of you will have felt that I have been more distant, less chatty. Thank you for still being there. Thank you for your acceptance. Thank you for not telling me how you understand and shoving solutions at me because "it isn't that difficult".

Since childhood, there have often been times I have thought I was broken and that there must be something wrong with me. I always felt the outsider, the odd one out, the one left out or picked last. I would be the person who would want to be involved in activities but not be in the spotlight. I feel this has made me someone that is difficult to remember and easy to forget. 

I can see now that this is a cycle that has been going on for way too long. Over the years I thought I managed to get past this but somehow I only suppressed it. This is only one issue, one aspect of my life. If it were just one thing, it would be a simple fix. Life doesn't work that way though.

I'm sorry for being snappy and distant at times. If I push you away, please be patient with me. It's been my defence mechanism for so many years when I feel scared. I isolate myself feeling I should be strong enough to deal with things on my own. 

So thank you again (you know who you are). Without you, I wouldn't be writing this today. I wouldn't be able to acknowledge the help I need. 

[caeli0n]

Climbing time and happy birthday @groundupreading ! #boulder4dinner #climbing #makingprogress #funtimes (at Reading Climbing Centre) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxQHsXoA-bt/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=12huveurdiu32

[caeli0n]

Thanks to @nibsysgf for a wonderful afternoon tea yesterday! #afternoontea #yummy #nom #glutenfree (at Nibsy's) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv9OZpQgG5v/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fhufsfh2khw2

[caeli0n]

Friday chill time! #friyay #pizza #bbqsteak #cheese #craftbeer #glastonbury #glastonburyales https://www.instagram.com/p/BvCqFpyAAPn/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ggzl9elms2c2

[caeli0n]

Yay for baking again! #bettycrocker #chocolate #cupcakes #nom #yummy https://www.instagram.com/p/BuzHWoUgBqm/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=gd7gma3ts2yk

[caeli0n]

Ready for a change! Thank you to Louise @rushhairreading @officialrushhairbeauty #rushreading #copper #nofilter #newhairstyle #newcolour #lovingit (at Rush Hair & Beauty) https://www.instagram.com/p/BuyjbZygJZE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1p4ym1tbiaph6

[caeli0n]

Great end to a Wednesday! @doughsmiths #goodcompany #pizza #woodfiredpizza #realale (at Castle Tap) https://www.instagram.com/p/BurmPa6gE7_/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7fl1n2z4nm1

[caeli0n]

Nom! @doughsmiths #nom #pizza #woodfiredpizza #pizzavan (at Castle Tap) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtjRBkHAVzI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pundciu86slo

[caeli0n]

Winding up the weekend #seedlip #seedlipgarden #botanicals #nonalcoholic #birthdaypresent #christmaspresent https://www.instagram.com/p/BsT15mTgxBS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1fvz32oak77jk