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[cahleir]

PASSING BY | MILLARDNULLINGS

contentwarnings: millard's pov, fem!reader, major character death

angst/fluff

Every morning, at exactly 8:26 AM, you found yourself running a full sprint toward the home. You kept your arms at your side to ensure that you wouldn't trip in your floral dress as you ran.

I'd wait for you on the third step, a few inches away from a pot full of Fiona's lavender astilbes.

"Hello, gorgeous," you'd say with a giddy laugh.

"M'lady," I'd match as I took your hand in mine. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, you know," you'd smile with a knowing look in your eyes. "Just passing by!"

We'd walk along the shore of Cairnholm's beach and swim along the shallow end right beside the lighthouse.

By 9:00 AM we would lay in the sand. Your fingers thread through my hair in a way that made me believe you could see it.

I look up at you as you eyed the crashing waves with a childlike wonder. You glowed. Bits of sand were still washed up in your hair, but it didn't seem to bother you in the slightest because that bright smile of yours wouldn't go away no matter how hard you tried to hide it.

Moments like these made me so happy, so grateful to be alive with you. I told you nearly everything. I told you how I was almost finished reading a book you lent me. I stumbled to put my love for you into words because you needed to know. I told you everything I remembered about what happened 'yesterdays'. But I couldn't tell you about my yesterday. I couldn't tell you about how Jacob Portman had supper with us again last night, or how Miss Peregrine's suddenly stopped asking about you. I couldn't tell you most things because it wouldn't matter. You wouldn't remember.

The next day, I was back on the third step, a little earlier than I should've been. I watch as the rest of the kids did their handful of chores.

In ways, I was lucky. Instead of cleaning up the gutter, I get to spend the whole day with you, everyday.

"Hello, gorgeous," you said smiling, offering a hand. I took it and hoisted myself up with little to know grace.

"M'lady," I gave you a lingering kiss on the cheek as our hands intertwined before we set off to the beach. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Oh, you know," I did know. "Just passing by!"

As we walk along the shore once again, I made sure to keep you closer to my side. Your sundress fluttered in the wind and your cheeks were dusted with pink.

I couldn't help but wonder how you were holding up outside of the loop. Did you remember me? Do you miss me the way I miss you? You're probably in your late eighties by now.

I looked to you, heart full of hope. Were you still alive?

When supper rolled around, I walked you home in the dim lights of Cairnholm. With a kiss good night, and a silent plea for a little more time, I'd run back home for the last meal of the day.

At supper, Jacob had joined us once again and I watched with silent resentment at the looks he shared with Emma. What made it worse was Hugh and Fiona holding hands under the table right across from me. I chewed up my greens and kept my head down. They don't understand how lucky they were. None of them could. Because during the morning after reset, Hugh would help Miss Peregrine with the laundry, Fiona would tend to the garden, Bronwyn would watch over the children, and I would be sitting on the third step, inches away from Fiona's lavender astilbes.

"Mr Nullings," Miss Peregrine said softly, standing beside me. "I'm afraid I have some terrible news."

She sat me down in the parlor with the windows drawn and the doors shut, a worrisome look to her and a fairly ridged posture.

"I hate to keep things from you, and I'm sure you've noticed," Miss Peregrine kept her voice low and her head to the ground as she walked back in forth, a limp in her step.

Miss Peregrine told me all about how you had fallen ill. She'd given me permission to see you outside the loop with Jacob.

We exited the cairn and headed straight to your house, a cottage hidden at the edge of Cairnholm's cozy town.

I knock softly on the door and what answered was a series of frail coughs before you responded with a shakey, "Come on in, the door's always open, dear."

Jacob decided to stay on the porch, inststing on giving us time alone.

Your house stayed the same, lacy curtains and all, but the warmth, your warmth, was missing.

I sat on a stool beside the bed where you laid, your hand in mine. Your easy were still closed and i couldn't help but feel nothing but regret.

I regret not waking up to you in the morning. I regret all the days I spent withering away in the loop instead of withering away with you.

When you opened your eyes, I couldn't stop the sting behind my eyes when you flinched away. You still had the same beautiful eyes, but with crows feet around the edges to reflect your age. You still had the same long hair, but it was accompanied with grey at the roots. I regret not growing old with you like I promised.

"Hello, gorgeous," I said, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"Millard..." You said, a strain in your voice as I watched tears begin to gather in your eyes. "I've missed you," I gave your hand a soft, reassuring squeeze. I wasn't going anywhere this time.

"Well, lucky for you," I felt myself start to tear up and I never in my life hoped as much as I did now that you could see the way I looked at you; lovesick. "I was just passing by."

A/N Hope you enjoyed even a little bit of this fic because I was winging it the entire fucking time.

Please tell me if there are any misspellings, English isn't my first language lmao