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Who Let The Gods out Sexuality Headcanons

(These are just headcanons not canon in any way. Also I’m only talking about the adults)

Elliot: bisexual

Virgo: straight

Josie: pansexual

Dave: straight but definitely an ally

Hermes: bisexual - also, we don’t know when or how he got Hypnos’ number and I’m just saying-

Athene: asexual - as observed in Greek mythology, bearing in mind we don’t really see her with anyone besides her family and when trading insults with Aphrodite she says something along the lines of ‘not all of us a fortunate enough to play boyfriends and girlfriends’

Aphrodite: pansexual

Zeus: straight

Thanatos: asexual - he shows no interest in anyone. At all. And let’s not forget what he did to Seth, who was DEFINITELY FLIRTING BY THE WAY.

Hypnos: pansexual

Nyx: bisexual

Kizin: ???? - you can’t really do much with a skeleton. Despite what Tumblr would have you believe. Romantically though, I think he’d fall head over heels for anyone who genuinely enjoys his jokes.

Seth: gay. - evidence? HIS ENTIRE BOOK

Morgan: queer - her interactions with Thanatos but also the fact she chose to create a child with magic rather than naturally

Patricia Porshley-Plum: straight and definitely homophonic

Mr Boil: closet gay and internalised homophobic

Call Me Graham: straight

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Oh Mummy Mia is hilarious for all manner of reasons, but when you consider Thanatos was the original (and arguably best) villian and that he is the immortal world’s number one threat it makes his dealings with Seth and Morgan so much funnier.

These two new antagonists who are basically just wannabe big bads for him are fighting for his attention and assistance like jealous children and he’s just trying to escape from StoneHenge. Morgan and Seth are both coming down trying to get him on side and he’s just going: mhm, yeah sure, glad to help **free me from chains** ahem, I mean, I’d love to-

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I want a little fanfic about Elliot lying on the roof of the cowshed like he used to do with his mum and then Hypnos joins him and it just ends up with them talking about how messed up their families are. It ends with them agreeing to look out for each other and not give up on their respective families. I think that would be really sweet. Someone write this.

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Since it’s pride month. Here’s a list of every character I think is either not straight or not cis :

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Hypnos

Elliot

Hypnos

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Havocgrave has consumed me so much to a point that I can’t listen to OMM without being like “oh that’s so gay”

Seth’s LAST WORDS to Thanatos are “babe, you’ve unleashed… hell… duh…” AND THEN FUCKING DIES

HIS LAST FUCKING WORDS EVER OF HIS LIFE ARE FUCKING CALLING THANATOS BABE

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Thanatos: that’s all you’ve got? A cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner Elliot: sweetheart that could be the name of my autobiography Elliot: hides behind Hermes

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Zeus: This is a reminder that all psychiatric and therapy services are completely covered by our health insurance plans as part of your imprisonment and rehabilitation

Thanatos: Why do you always look at me when you say that

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Hypnos in Beyond the Odyssey

Hypnos, to team the Godssquad: I am one of you now. Prettier and different and better but one of you

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Basically what happened after Elliot retrieved the fire stone

Thanatos: I never doubted you for a second, Elliot! Elliot: thanks, Thanatos. You’re lying though right? Thanatos: yes. I doubted you very strongly.

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Athene: Virgo, that toy is for ages 5 and up Virgo: yeah? And I’m part of the “up”

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How Oh What A Knight actually went:

Thanatos: how exactly will you stop me? Elliot: I’ll call Hypnos Thanatos: godd*mnit

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Like Father like Daughter

Dave: don’t do anything stupid Elliot: you and I know that’s asking way to much of me

Elliot: don’t do anything stupid Vesper: you and I know that’s asking way to much of me

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Hypnos: what if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave and her name was Mozzarella? Hermes: don’t ever text me again

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Elliot: sorry I’m late Zeus: what happened? Elliot: nothing, I just really didn’t want to come.

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Zodiac Council: why are you late? Virgo: a technical error occurred causing an unexpectedly long bought of unconsciousness Zodiac Council: overslept? Virgo: overslept.

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Elliot: are you calling me a liar?!?! Virgo: well I ain’t calling you a truther

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Nyx: how does Hypnos usually get out of these messes? Thanatos: he doesn’t. He just makes a bigger mess to cancel the first one out