carlosgabrielruiz

[carlosgabrielruiz]

Naming Names

or The Secret Origin of Character Names

Writing is hard. I don't know what kind of voodoo magic it is that lets you stare at an empty page and suddenly fill it with words, but when you're able to conjure a story out of the firing synapses of your brain, it is truly something special.

That said, sometimes you lose the game before you even start. It can happen in a variety of ways - lack of structure, lack of conflict, lack of having anything meaningful or compelling to say, or even by giving your character a name that doesn't fit them. 

Would Robert Towne's Chinatown work if the last line was, "Forget it, Christopher. It's Chinatown."?

Would Vader's line have hit the same if he said, "Englebert, I am your father." ?

No, it wouldn't. A rose by any other name is just another dead flower.

Naming your characters may be the most important thing you do before you actually start your script (the title of your screenplay is just as important, but we won't be getting into that here). While I have my own process for coming up with my character names, I won't be revealing that here free of charge. That said, I can tell you about a secret origin character name reveal that ties into the time I met Keanu Reeves... So when I was in college I worked at a record store. It was the best job I've ever had, and I've had some pretty great jobs (and more than my fair share of shitty ones). The Assistant Manager at the store was a punk rocker named Paul B. Paul B was super cool. He looked like a real-life anime character with spiked green hair, permanent stubble, safety pins sticking out everywhere, and he always dressed in black with the exception of his blue jean jacket that was covered with buttons. He instilled in me a love of punk and reggae music. So Paul B and I would often go outside to "sweep and clean" the storefront, but really it was just an excuse to take a smoke break and not get docked for it. So we're outside sweeping when all of a sudden Keanu Reeves walks out of the Jimmy Johns across the street. This is the fall of 1999 and Dogstar, Keanu's band was in town to play. I was dumbstruck because: 1) I've never seen a movie star in real life 2) I practically came of age with Keanu via Bill & Ted's, Point Break, and Speed, and 3) I freaking love Keanu Reeves!

So I turned to Paul B and said, "Holy shit! It's --" Paul yells across the street, "HEY, KEANU!" Keanu turns around and looks right at us. He made direct eye contact with me.  And then Paul says, "DOGSTAR FUCKING SUCKS!" Without missing a beat, Keanu flips us off and storms off. I was devastated. That was the one and only time I'll probably ever meet Keanu Reeves and my buddy Paul B ruined it for me... What a jerk! So in a bit of poetic justice, I named the Assistant Manager in my spec script HITT STREET RECORDS (co-written with @mtedder) Paul Reeves in honor of that moment. And for the record, I don't think Dogstar sucked. They were just okay.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 6

CHAPTER 4 Many Rivers to Cross:A Brief History of Rivers Cuomo

For most people, Weezer begins and ends with Rivers Cuomo. Period. Point blank. Rivers Cuomo is undoubtedly the brains and heart behind the band – without him, there would simply be no Weezer. Rivers is the primary songwriter, lyricist, band director, and de facto Great Leader (although it should be noted that in the early days he shared some of those songwriting duties and credits with Matt Sharp and original guitarist Jason Cropper). 

Rivers was born in Manhattan on June 13, 1970. He grew up in upstate New York in the Buddhist Zen Center where his father was a farmer. In 1975, his father left the family and Rivers moved to Connecticut with his mother and brothers to live in Yogaville on an ashram farm.(1) He grew up as a quiet and shy child only later to become a metalhead with an outgoing love for Kiss and Van Halen.

When he turned 18 Rivers moved to L.A. and started to officially make a go of it in music. He got a job at Tower Records and was introduced to drummer Pat Wilson. (2) They became friends and formed a band called Fuzz. Rivers moved into Pat’s apartment which he shared with Matt Sharp, who was a talented multi-intrumentalist. Matt soon decided to join them and they embarked on an odyssey that would eventually make musical history. 

Valentine’s Day of 1992 was a momentous occasion for the newly formed, yet still-unnamed, new band because that was the day that Rivers Cuomo (lead guitar), Matt Sharp (bass), Jason Cropper (guitar), and Pat Wilson (drums) first gathered together to rehearse and record their sessions. The band “got together at T.K. rehearsal studios, in West LA, and rehearsed for either 3 or 4 days straight.”(3) The demo tape that was made during the session featured a list of all the potential band names they were toying with at the time including the initial band name “Fuzz”, as well as “Meathead”, “Outhouse”, “Hummingbird”, “the Big Jones” and “This Niblet”.

Things moved quickly for the band from there. A little over a year after their first official rehearsal, the band - now officially named Weezer - signed a major label record deal with Geffen Records. The band had hoped to self-produce their debut, but the suits at Geffen were not going to let that happen. Eventually, the band picked Cars’ frontman, Ric Ocasek, to handle production on the record. According to Rivers Cuomo, “The record company was really pushing us to work with a producer, so we figured that if we had to have somebody in the studio with us, it might as well just be someone who writes good songs – and the Cars’ first record just rules.” (4) 

The band went to Electric Ladyland studios in New York to work on their record. Everything was going great up until it wasn’t. There were internal problems with the guitarist Jason Cropper that led to Rivers firing him from the band. According to Ric Ocasek, “He (Rivers) called me when the record was finished, the day before we were supposed to start mixing, and said, ‘Listen, I just fired the guitar player.’ So I said, ‘What are you gonna do now?’ He’s like, ‘I want all of his parts off the record.’” Luerssen (2004)

With two days before mixing was due to begin in New York, Sharp and Cuomo called Brian Bell.5 He auditioned on tape and was hired to replace Jason. But it was too late to in the game to fly him out to re-record all of Jason’s guitar parts. Under the gun, and with only a day of studio time left before mixing was slated to begin, Rivers re-recorded all of the guitar parts himself (even though Brian is credited on the record).

The Blue Album was released on May 10th, 1994. The 10-track LP provided a “new roadmap for alt-rock following the death of Kurt Cobain and the conclusion of grunge’s first era.”(5) The catchy power-pop record with hook-laden choruses and kitschy Spike Jonze directed videos was an overwhelming success. It would invade the mainstream and go on to sell over 3 million records in the U.S. alone. The band went on a seemingly never-ending tour to promote the record. 

Rivers struggled with the newly found fame and success that the Blue Album had brought the band. He was “frustrated by the limitations of rock and the lifestyle of touring around on a bus and playing the same songs over and over.” Cohen (2015). So he did what most people in his position would do, he put the band on a hiatus and enrolled in Harvard to study classical music. 

But before the semester started, Rivers decided to fix his right leg, which was two inches shorter than his left leg. The surgery on his right leg left him in agonizing pain. It would be a long recovery. During his first year at Harvard Rivers’ right leg was encased in a metal frame that would require him to adjust and tighten the screws daily in order to elongate the bone.(6) He became hooked on painkillers and opioids while trying to manage the pain.

As he told The New York Times. “I grew a long beard and walked around with a cane… The only time I could write songs was when my frozen dinner was in the microwave.” Rockland (2006) “Where I was emotionally … I went to a more serious and dark place.” Runtagh (2019). 

Alone and in pain, Rivers was listening to a lot of classical music and he kept coming back to the opera Madame Butterfly by Puccini. “One of my favorite operas by him was Madama Butterfly, specifically when the role was played by Maria Callas,” he recalled to Pitchfork. “On tour, I would listen to her every night after the show and be so moved by the depth of emotion and sadness and tragedy. It really was calling to me, like, “Come on, Rivers. You can go there. You can go much further with your music than ‘The Sweater Song’ or ‘Buddy Holly’.” Cohen (2015)

His deeply personal and emotional lyrics were raw, to say the least. He opened himself up to a level of honesty, anger, pain, and emotional truth that was only hinted at within the Blue Album’s casual, ironic detachment. But make no mistake, that anger and honestly was always there just below the surface, only it was wrapped around a bouncy hook with a singalong chorus. 

With a dozen or more new songs ready to record, Weezer decided to head to the studio. Only this time, they would self produce the new record themselves. They wanted a feel that was similar to their live shows that would better capture the power and energy of their new songs. The resulting record was a “grittier, slightly darker sound that was more Pixies than the polished power-pop Ric Ocasek had helped the band realize on the Blue Album.” (7)

A few months before the album was slated for release, Rivers Cuomo “issued a precarious warning to the band’s fan club about his mental state during the writing process:” Braun (2016).

There are some lyrics on the album that you might think are mean or sexist. I will feel genuinely bad if anyone feels hurt by my lyrics but I really wanted these songs to be an exploration of my ‘dark side’ – all the parts of myself that I was either afraid or embarrassed to think about before. So there’s some pretty nasty stuff on there. 

You may be more willing to forgive the lyrics if you see them as passing low points in a larger story. And this album really is a story: the story of the last two years of my life. And as you’re probably well aware, these have been two very weird years.

But the worst was yet to come... TO BE CONTINUED IN THE 33 1/3 BOOK PINKERTON 

1 - Weezerpedia. Rivers Cuomo. https://www.weezerpedia.com/wiki/Rivers_Cuomo.

2 - Cohen, Ian. (2015, February 9). Rivers Cuomo. Pitchfork. https://pitchfork.com/features/5-10-15-20/9590-rivers-cuomo/.

3 - The Weezer Recording History. (2006, February). Weezer.com. http://www.weezer.com/info/recording/WeezRecHist3.htm.

4 - Luerssen, John D. (2004, August 1). River’s Edge: The Weezer Story. Toronto. ECW Press.

5 - Runtagh, Jordan. (2019, May 10). Weezer’s Blue Album: 10 Things You Didn’t Know. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/weezer-blue- album-rivers-cuomo-things-you-didnt-know-822881/.

6 - Rockland, Kate. (2006, February 16). At School with Rivers Cuomo: Student with a Past. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/16/garden/16weezer.html.

7 - Braun, Laura Marie. (2016, September 23). How Weezer’s ‘Pinkerton’ Went from Embarassing to Essential. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music- features/how-weezers-pinkerton-went-from-embarrassing-to-essential-105567/.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 5

CHAPTER 2 I’m Tired, So Tired:Song Number 1 - “Tired of Sex”

The first song on a record is oftentimes referred to as the opening salvo – the first shot – that serves as a letter of intent for what is about to transpire. With Weezer’s Blue Album, the opening song was the powerful “My Name is Jonas.” To the uninitiated Weezer fan, it was a tour de force of loud-quiet-loud musicality that was about to be sonically unleashed upon the listener. 

“My Name is Jonas” stood in stark contrast to the first two Weezer singles “Undone - The Sweater Song” and “Buddy Holly,” both of which were highly popular singles that charted on Billboard’s 200 and Billboard Hot 100 charts.1 Unlike the fly on the wall, day-in-the-life-of subject matter of “Undone” and the ironic Bonnie and Clyde love story of “Buddy Holly”, “My Name is Jonas” announced to the casual fan who came by the record based on the singles that this album was simply not going to be more of the same. This record was something different. Get ready.

The listener was told who was in charge now: My name is Jonas

I’m carrying the wheel 

It then goes on to signal that the listener should buckle up because the train has already left the station The price? A ticket costs only your mind Whatever this album was, it wasn’t just More Songs About Sweaters and Dead Rock Stars.

All of which brings us to Pinkerton... 

After a two and a half year wait, Weezer fans had been clamoring for the next record from their not-so-new favorite band. But a lot had happened since the unknown and unheralded band released the Blue Album. Success, fame, and fortune all came calling. It was all a bit too much.

So what’s a boy to do when faced with pressures of being the next big thing?

“Tired of Sex” is the opening song of Pinkerton and it’s an intense banger that functions as the siren song of the album. Here is the protagonist – a famous rock and roll star – and he’s living the good life by indulging in the excesses of pleasure that fame and notoriety have thrust upon him. It’s an appealing proposition and should be a source of admiration and celebration, the envy of most “regular” people. This is what a rock star is supposed to do. This is why people sign up for the gig.

I’m tired, so tired

I’m tired of having sex (so tired)

But all is not what it seems. What starts off as some sort of humble brag quickly pivots into a lament:

I’m spread so thin I don’t know who I am (who I am)

This touring rock star is enjoying the fruits of his labor. He’s living out his wild, rock and roll double fantasy but it all just feels shallow and empty. He is literally just going through the motions on autopilot. None of it really means anything.

Monday night I’m making Jen Tuesday night I’m making Lynn Wednesday night I’m making Jasmine Oh, why can’t I be making love come true?

He is embarrassed. This isn’t who he is or the person that he wants to be. He’s ashamed because he knows better. He knows his behavior is unacceptable, but at the same time, he claims that he can’t make himself stop. He’s simply making excuses for acting in this manner. Like an addict, he knows that he has a problem but chooses to ignore it and continue as if nothing was wrong. 

I’m beat, beet red Ashamed of what I said (what I said) I’m sorry, here I go I know I’m a sinner But I can’t say no (say no)

But he keeps on doing what he’s been doing. The definition of insanity is performing the same exact task and expecting a different result. Our protagonist finds himself at the intersection of desperation city and crazy town. 

Thursday night I’m making Denise Friday night I’m making Therese Saturday night I’m making Louise Oh, why can’t I be making love come true?

He wants to change. He knows he needs to change. He knows he needs to try harder. But he secretly likes this new Don Juan side of himself. He’s enjoying himself. 

(What can I do?)

He feels alone and powerless. He needs help. He needs guidance. Finally, he resorts to a higher power. He begins to pray. He begs God for help. 

Tonight I’m down on my knees Tonight I’m begging you, please

But he is still selfish. He doesn’t pray for change or insight. He hopes and prays that this encounter tonight will be the one that leads to real love. That is what he asks from God.

Tonight, tonight, oh please Oh, why can’t I be making love come true?

The journey to self-actualization has begun, though perhaps not fully in earnest ye, and with baby steps. This selfish rock star soon realizes that there is a problem and that something needs to change, yet he hasn’t yet discovered that the problem is looking at him in the mirror. 

He has set off an epic quest to find love yet he doesn’t realize that he is simply incapable of love at this point in time. He is too cocksure, too caught up in himself, and his travails, his music, and his lifestyle, that he can not fully commit to another person or open up in true partnership. 

But the first step to recovery s admitting that there is a problem. 

At least the rock star has accomplished this much. 1 - Billboard. Weezer Chart History. https://www.billboard.com/music/weezer/chart-history.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 4

Table of Contents

FOREWARD by Someone Cool or Famous or Both

INTRODUCTION

1. MY DAME, BUTTERFLY: The Story of a Dumb American, a Broad in Japan 

2. I’M TIRED, SO TIRED: Song Number 1 - “Tired Of Sex” 

3. WHAT I DID TO THEM, YOU’VE DONE TO ME: Song Number 2 - “Getchoo” 

4. MANY RIVERS TO CROSS: A Brief History of Rivers Cuomo

5. I CAN’T HAVE ANY OTHER ONE: Song Number 3 - “No Other One” 

6. MAYBE YOU COULD BREAK MY HEART NEXT SUMMER: Song Number 4 - “Why Bother?”

7. THE BIGGEST DICKS IN AMERICA: The Pinkertons in the 19th & 20th Century 

8. I’VE GOT YOUR LETTER, YOU’VE GOT MY SONG: Song Number 5 - “Across The Sea” 

9. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT OFF THE TRACK: Song Number 6 - “The Good Life”

10. DON’T GET SO EMOTIONAL: Why Pinkerton Made Emo Cool(ish) 

11. WHY YOU WANNA GO AND DO ME LIKE THAT: Song Number 7 - “El Scorcho” 

12. I THOUGHT I HAD FOUND THE ONE: Song Number 8 - “Pink Triangle” 

13. SHARP NOTES ON THE BASS: The Critical Importance of Matt Sharp in Weezer 

14. YOU SAY LIKE TOO MUCH: Song Number 9 - “Falling For You” 

15. I’M SORRY: Song Number 10 - “Butterfly”16. YOU GAVE YOUR LOVE TO ME SOFTLY: Deluxe Edition Bonus Songs

POSTSCRIPT

ENDNOTES

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 3

Why Now?

Weezer’s Pinkerton was released on September 24, 1996, so September 2021 would be the 25th anniversary of the record, and the perfect time to make this book happen.

Weezer are still relevant. They’ve continued to release records at a steady clip, with sales that are impressive, and they’re one of the biggest draws on the road whenever they launch a new tour. 

Plus, they still maintain a certain amount of cultural clout. Look no further than the SNL sketch from December 2018 featuring Matt Damon and Leslie Jones debating the Weezer discography, the pros and cons of Weezer post-Matt Sharp’s departure from the band, and which fan truly “understands” the psyche of Rivers Cuomo, all with hilarious results.

The fact that there is no 33 1/3 book featuring Weezer is a travesty. It’s high time that Bloomsbury rectifies the situation by putting out a book on Weezer, specifically this book on Pinkerton. 

My take on Weezer’s Pinkerton will focus on three different areas: 

The key members of the band, specifically the duality of Rivers Cuomo and Matt Sharp, who were the heart and soul of Weezer.

The background subject matter of this record and the historical context of it, as well as juxtaposing it with Puccini’s opera Madame Butterfly.

The songs on the record. What they’re saying, what they’re meaning, and wrapping them in the context of the songwriter’s (Rivers Cuomo) life.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 2

Why bother writing about Pinkerton?

What if I told you that a platinum-selling rock and roll band was prepping for their much-anticipated sophomore release that was set to be a space-themed rock opera concept record about the pitfalls of success? You would probably say that sounded like a bad idea, right?

You and every record executive around.

What if I then told you that the band decided to abandon that idea and instead go with an album that was loosely based on an early 20th century opera about an American naval officer living in Japan who marries a 15-year-old Japanese girl and then abandons her when he goes back to America. That isn’t a much better premise, is it?

The band was Weezer and the record was Pinkerton.

To the surprise of no one, that sophomore effort was an epic failure.

Until it wasn’t.

Genius often isn’t recognized in its own time. Just ask Vincent Van Gogh. He died broke having only sold a handful of paintings during his lifetime. But if something is good enough, if an artist makes something that is truly great, people will eventually come around to it. That is that hope at least. But for every cult classic that breaks through eventually, there are thousands that simply fade away. For every Office Space and Big Lebowski there is a Safe Men and a Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead.

Why is that?

And why did Pinkerton overcome its initial failure to become such a successful and revered album?

I think part of it can be answered by the record’s main theme which is that we’re all alone and looking for love, whether that’s as a naval officer in a foreign land or as a cult rock singer studying at Harvard or as a barista trying to make ends meet in the big city, the quest for love and companionship is universal and real. We all try and fail at the game of love sometimes. We make mistakes when pursuing love. Our actions affect those that we love and oftentimes we fail those we love the most, whether accidentally or on purpose. Some of us learn from our failures and try to do better, while some of us never learn. Love is hard. At the end of the day, we’re all lonely and desperately wanting.

Love is everything.

Then there is the issue of toxic masculinity, which the protagonist sees and realizes is within him, even though he never thought himself capable of behaving in such a cavalier and scandalous manner. He was this shy, awkward, somewhat nerdy kid who nobody paid attention to most of his life, yet he’s now all grown up and able to get the girls who previously ignored him. He’s become a monster! Today they would call this behavior that of a Bluebeard. How does he reconcile the idea of who he wants to be with the actuality of who he is in reality? What a head-trip in every key that turned out to be!

Love is not possession.

Then there is the opera that the record is based on. The whole thing is reimagined in the context of an”18-year-old girl who lives in a small city in Japan” who writes a fan letter to the lead singer of an American rock band and wants to know all about him, his hobbies, his favorite food, and his birthday. It’s a long-distance romance, written on fancy stationery, and sent like a message in a bottle across the sea. It’s beautiful and poetic, but it is not real. It’s an imaginary relationship that will never be, but for a brief moment in time was an epic love story. At least in the singer’s head.

Love is an illusion.

And finally, the record is about breaking up, both literally and metaphorically. At the time he wrote most of the songs, Rivers Cuomo was recovering from painful surgery meant to lengthen his left leg which was shorter than his right. Unable to walk without a brace or a cane, under the influence of heavy painkillers, Rivers channeled all of his emotions into writing songs for this new record. On hiatus from the band, Matt Sharp started The Rentals and quickly garnered success with their song, “Friends of P.” Everybody in the band knew that they wouldn’t last too much longer. The failure of Pinkerton upon release hastened the band’s demise, at least for a little while.

Love is always falling apart.

I can’t think of another album that brings together so many disparate things, creates a unique work of art from them, and rolls them all together in the form of 3-minute chunks of power pop perfection. You know why? Because there isn’t one.

That is why Weezer’s Pinkerton is one of the strangest, most honest records ever created. It’s a work of genius that may have been overlooked in its initial time but was quickly recognized for what it was: one of the greatest records ever made. How can you ignore something with such naked ambition, that wears its heart on its sleeve, and is so exposed and vulnerable that you have no choice but to love it? You can’t.

Love is never having to say that you’re sorry.

But you still do.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

PINKERTON - 33 1/3 Proposal Part 1

In brief

In September 1996, after the fantastic success of their debut record, Weezer dropped their second album, Pinkerton, to little fanfare. Sales of the new album were abysmal, and the critical reception was mixed, at best. Weezer were despondent. Pinkerton was soon labeled a failure, their bassist quit the band, and Rivers Cuomo, their temperamental and shy lead singer, retreated from the spotlight, forcing Weezer to embark upon a 5-year hiatus.

But a funny thing happened on the way to becoming irrelevant... During the hiatus, Pinkerton’s sales steadily increased, as did its critical acclaim, and the mythology surrounding the record. In the years of self-imposed exile, Pinkerton had become a certifiable cult classic.

Today, Pinkerton is widely considered Weezer’s best album, and many people point to the album’s deeply heartfelt confessional lyrics as the first emo record made, launching a thousand sighs.

How did this happen? How did a record confined to the sophomore slump bin by a one-hit-wonder joke band become an all-time classic? All you have to do is listen, and you’ll realize why Weezer’s Pinkerton is on of the best records ever made.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

So last year, during the height of the pandemic, I wrote a proposal for my take on a 33 1/3 book about Weezer’s Pinkerton, which is one of my favorite records of all time. Ultimately, it was rejected -- or maybe just ignored -- but I decided to post it here in honor of the 25th anniversary of the release of Pinkerton. Enjoy. 

[carlosgabrielruiz]

Excited to announce that my Silicon Valley spec script "I Want Your UX" was named as a finalist in the Scriptapalooza 2020 TV Writing Contest.

You can see the full list of winners here:

http://scriptapaloozatv.com/winners/

[carlosgabrielruiz]

So a few years back I wrote a spec script for Silicon Valley called "I Want Your UX" that would have taken place in the second season. I submitted the script for a few writing competitions, including NBC Universal's Talent Search and Final Draft's Big Break. Ultimately it didn't go anywhere, but I enjoyed the hell out of writing it since Silicon Valley was one of my favorite HBO shows. I figured I'd share it here since it's just been sitting in my computer all alone and abandoned. Enjoy.

https://www.dropbox.com/s/oq0hr0c3vv3py41/SV_I-Want-Your-UX.pdf?dl=0

[carlosgabrielruiz]

What happens when David Bowie and Bing Crosby come together to save a member of the lonely hearts club? Major Tom and major magic meet to battle against meloncholy and the infinite sadness in my book with Jim Ousley and @brandonadaniels. GOOD KINGS BING & BOWIE SWING is now available in digital on @comiXology Submit! Be sure to check it out! http://bit.ly/2TL90MH

[carlosgabrielruiz]

No joke: my new graphic novel BLOOD ON THE TRACKS with @brianatkinsart @brandonadaniels and @bryaneward from @braincloudcomics is now available in digital on @comixology here:

[carlosgabrielruiz]

10 years ago the Riverfront Front Times interviewed me about my first book Pretentious Record Store Guy. Yesterday they published their last print edition for the forseeable future. I can't put into words how much the RFT means and meant to me. It was required weekly reading with fantastic journalism that always kept me informed.

[carlosgabrielruiz]

I'll be at WizardWorld St. Louis this weekend at Booth # A45 with the @inkanddrinkcomics crew selling our wares. Come check us out!

[carlosgabrielruiz]

Andrew Wood - The Jesus Christ of Grunge

I worked at a record store for most of my college days. The pay was terrible, the customers had bad taste (for the most part), and the owner was always doing some untoward stuff that later resulted in his partner kicking him out of the business… but it may have been the best job I’ve ever had. Why was it the best job ever?  Because my income was supplemented by an unending supply of promo CDs, first crack at all CDs being traded in by customers, and my name always happened to make it onto the guest list of two of the three big music venues in town. Plus my co-workers were a diverse group of equally music-obsessed nerds, punk rockers, hip-hop enthusiasts and an Anglophile manager who became one of my best friends. It was pretty epic, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.


Working in a record store also gave me special insight into crazy rabbit hole of music theory conspiracies. My buddy Ryan Shaw had this theory about Andrew Wood, the lead singer of Mother Love Bone and the first major heroin casualty of the grunge era. His theory was that Andrew Wood was the prophet that rock and roll was promised, that he would be overlooked and ridiculed in his own time, and then sentenced to death for the sins of rock and roll, only to be resurrected and live eternally through his disciples and their testimony. 


In other words, Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge who had to die for the sins of Hair Metal so that Rock and Roll could live on. 


SIDE NOTE: My buddy Ryan was an ordained minister who later became a trial lawyer, so that gives credence to the underpinning philosophy of the theory.  

Much like B.C. and A.D., prior to Andrew Wood there was no “Alternative” but after his death we started living in the Alternative age. Grunge, Indie and Nu-Metal, Emo, and Alt-Country were all new gospels that were written in the aftermath of Andrew Wood’s passing… So if Andrew Wood was the Jesus Christ of Grunge, who were his apostles?

Stone Gossard as SIMON/PETER - The rock upon which the Temple of the Dog was built, literally. Stone Gossard is the through line for the Seattle sound and was ever present in its inception. From his time at Green River to Mother Love Bone to Temple of the Dog to Pearl Jam and then Brad, Gossard was the foundation stone. Without Stone Gossard, would there even be grunge? Stone is the rhythm (along with his brother Jeff Ament) from which the music is manifested. Gossard may never have been front and center in all of the bands he formed, but he spoke softly and carried a big axe.

Chris Cornell as JOHN - John was the disciple whom Jesus loved the most. 
Chris was Andrew’s roommate and best friend. When Andrew overdosed, Chris was on a European tour with Soundgarden striking his own Jesus Christ pose. Chris was so grief stricken with the loss that he immediately wrote two songs “Say Hello 2 Heaven” and “Reach Down” about Wood. Chris showed them to Stone and Jeff, and Temple of the Dog was formed to honor their late friend. Chris would later hit mainstream success with Soundgarden and with Audioslave (which was just okay but waaaayyy to mellow for a band composed of members of Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden).


Jeff Ament as ANDREW (Simon/Peter’s brother) - Ament was right there with Stone in Green River, Mother Love Bone, Temple of the Dog and then Pearl Jam. He’s the bass that pulses the heartbeat of the music. Plus, his graphic design sense provided the classic look and feel of all the liner notes and album packaging for those bands (which along with flannel, long hair, and Doc Martens worn with shorts, were essential cornerstones of the era). Through Ames Bros. Design, Pearl Jam’s visual aesthetic was really set in stone and their tour posters became must-have’s for screen print enthusiasts everywhere. Music never looked so good. Eddie Vedder as JAMES, SON of ALPHAEUS - Some people say that James was literally Jesus’ little brother, while other’s interpret it metaphorically because upon dying Jesus said to James that Mary was now his mother, and James was now her son. Either way, Eddie Veddie was the younger brother of Andrew Wood who then took his mother’s hand and ushered in a new era of grunge. Eddie would tell you that he’s no fucking messiah, which is meant as a testament to the love he had for his brother.


SIDE NOTE: I almost had Eddie as Paul/Saul, not one of the original 12 apostles, but one of the most steadfast and true disciples of Jesus whose writings to the Romans and to the Corinthians would help shape Christian philosophy for many centuries to come. As the lead singer and songwriter of Pearl Jam, you could make a case that Eddie is Paul, but I don’t think he’s gentile enough for that. He’s Eddie Vedder, and that’s an entirely different essay.

Kurt Cobain as SIMON THE CANAANITE or SIMON THE ZEALOT - 
Simon the Zealot was known for strictly keeping the law of Moses (the Ten Commandments) and had great disregard for where he saw people headed. In Jesus, Simon found someone who was practicing what he preached. Simon would go on to evangelize the gospel in much of the west including throughout Egypt and into Africa. Kurt Cobain hated the mainstream and was a zealot when it came to grunge. He spread the word far and high and carried the tradition well. 
 Layne Staley as THADDEUS - Cool name. Cool band. When a jar of flies is kept for too long, the man in a box digs some dirt. Staley of Alice in Chains and Mad Season fame burned out too soon, but man was he cool.

Dave Grohl as MATTHEW/LEVI - Matthew/Levi was the tax collector who gave up his job and life to follow Jesus. He was the author of one of the gospels (Gospel of Matthew). Grohl was a drummer who later gave up that life to lead his own band, the Foo Fighters, who went on to become one of the biggest alternative bands (and David Letterman’s favorite band). 
 Kim Thyll as JAMES (brother of John) - James was John’s brother who followed him along and became an apostle. He had a moment of doubt when Jesus came back to life and doubted that it was really Jesus. Kim followed Chris Cornell into Soundgarden and preached the gospel upon a black hole sun. He later had many doubts when Chris left the band and stored to become a pop singer and then started Audioslave, which was terrible. Eventually, Soundgarden reformed and the word could go on being spread, one music hall, arena or outdoor festival at a time.

Jerry Cantrell as BARTHOLOMEW - Cool name. Cool band. Do the Bart, man! Mark Arm as PHILIP - Philip was an apostle, but he didn’t really matter. He was there at the start and probably did some stuff but you can’t really remember it. That’s kind of like Mark Arm and Mudhoney. He started Green River and recruited Stone Gossard to the band because he only wanted to sing instead of sing and play guitar. Then He formed Mudhoney. They had a moment for a slight minute but most people couldn’t tell them apart from Tad. How’s that for a Judgement Night?


Courtney Love as MARY MAGDALENE - Go listen to Hole’s first record, Live Through This, and you’ll be asking Courtney if you could wash HER feet. From start to finish, that album is all killer and no filler, regardless of wether Kurt Cobain wrote it or not. 


Thurston Moore as JUDAS - Sonic Youth were grunge before grunge was a thing. They ushered in the alt-rock movement and were preaching the gospel way before it was cool. In another world, Thurston Moore would have been John the Baptist, but he blew up the band by betraying Kim Deal (whom the Dandy Warhols rightly worshipped in their song “As Cool as Kim Deal”). So, yeah. Thurston Moore is Judas.         

Paul Westerberg as JOHN THE BAPTIST - He came first and helped lay the groundwork for the alternative movement. This could have easily gone to Michael Stipe of R.E.M., but The Replacements were much better and spawned a legion of followers. The Mats work in the 80s at Twin Tone and in Minneapolis would help to set up the dynamic that would take place in Seattle with Sub Pop. Westerberg couldn’t hardly wait…

With Pearl Jam having recently been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, now more than ever, we should give thanks and praise to the great Andrew Wood, the Captain Hi-Top, Love Commander (it is right to give him thanks and praise). For he so loved rock and roll and that he was forced to suffer, die and was buried for its sins so that rock could be reborn again. May he rest in peace today, knowing that his words still resonate with the masses.

So come bite the apple, my fellow star dog champions.      

Hide your mom. Control your sister.  Yeah.

Can I get a Hallelujah?

A reading from the Book of Stone

[carlosgabrielruiz]

The third issue of BLOOD ON THE TRACKS is now available digitally at Comixology and at the Brain Cloud Comics website. Enjoy!

[carlosgabrielruiz]

Blood on the Tracks #2 Now @comixology

My comic with @brianatkinsart, @brandonadaniels & @bryaneward, Blood on the Tracks #2 "North by Midwest" is NOW available on @comiXology Submit! Be sure to check it out!