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the goal for this year and for every year is to be kind and also to stop being scared of literally everything

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#the perfect seat

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turns out my life purpose isn’t supposed to be as small and silent and accommodating and convenient as possible

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Most important lesson I learned in the past year is, don’t let anyone turn you cruel. No matter how badly you wanna give the world a taste of its own bitter medicine. It’s never worth losing yourself over.

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Ryan Potter is art. He is the definition of art. Just look at him.

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PLEASE LOOK AT THIS PIC IT’S VERY IMPORTANT

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@starchygoodness

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midnight by 5 seconds of summer, but it’s playing from an old radio while you stargaze on your rooftop on a summer night. 

// use both headphones // I am taking requests as always. 

download link in the masterlist on my blog. 

request from @calumsssparkle

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how many calories do I burn when I run away from my problems?

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The only thing I’ll be kissing on new years is this hell year goodbye

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with my whole heart i want to thank every single one of you for making 2018 another one for the books i love you.

now 2019, lets fucking dance

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I wouldn't be asking for help if we didn't truly need it.

For just a cremation and no services it's over $2,000, and we'd like to bury her and have a stone made down the line.

Even just a reblog could help get this to someone that wants to and is able to donate. If you can't donate please don't feel bad. The last year I've wanted to help people many times and couldn't because of our financial troubles, so I completely understand.

My mother had been fighting health issues since the beginning of the year. By February I had already dubbed 2018 the worst year of my/our life because so many things had already happened. By summer she was diagnosed with lymphoma, and a form that is one of the hardest to treat. Her doctors were optimistic though, so we remained hopeful.

After a tough fight, never ending pain that only got worse as time went on all year, chemo that stopped working, and an open wound she had since the beginning of the year, she lost to her cancer and a septic infection on December 7th, 2018. Thus officially making 2018 the absolute worst year of my life.

Myself at 24 and my brother at 21, we now have to navigate the world without our mother, whom singlehandedly raised us after she and our father divorced when we were both very young. Luckily our dad and stepmom are stepping up fully now to help us and be there, we have several friends we are blessed to have that have stayed by not only our side, but by our mother’s bedside until her passing, and her boyfriend is also extending his help as much as he can in his own time of grief, as this isn’t the first time he’s experienced losing a very close loved one to cancer.

However, we are left with holes in our hearts and a hole in income. Money would be the last thing on our minds right now if it weren’t for one thing: our house.

Our mom’s dream for her whole life was to find and buy a house, and have somewhere for her children to always have and come back to. Just last year we found a house, and after the grueling process of trying to get financed, we finally signed the papers in November of 2017. Come January of 2018 she was out of work due to her health. By February 2018 the open wound formed. Due to complications with an incompetent surgeon (yes, we’re going to be trying our best to file a lawsuit, because he was negligent), she wasn’t diagnosed until around July 2018, but not until AFTER she finally convinced a different doctor to refer her to another surgeon. Chemo had began, but by the fourth cycle it stopped working and the cancer grew and spread, and her wound just kept getting worse. We were waiting for radiation to start when she got bad and was sent to the hospital on Monday, December 4th. Her decline was more rapid than any of us could have imagined. By December 7th, just after 11:00 PM, she was gone.

All she ever wanted was for us to have a home of our own. With her diagnosis I stayed out of work to care for her, babysitting a couple kids out of our home just to pay my bills, help with household bills, and get groceries and necessities. My brother has a car payment and full coverage insurance that amount to $400 total to pay every month (we are going to try to sell the car to someone else to be out from under payments), so he could only contribute so much while already working full time. And our mom had just been granted disability a couple months ago, which luckily covered most of the mortgage.

With her gone, the last disability check should be this month (because they’re always a month behind, paying for the prior month), but after that we’re going to struggle. This house was the last good thing that happened to us as a family before her health issues started and she got really sick. It was her dream above everything else. And my brother and I just don’t want to lose it. It’s like the last good piece of her we have left.

Any money donated would first go toward her cremation and purchasing a grave plot, and hopefully enough for a gravestone as well. Anything left over would ONLY be going toward the mortgage on the house, which is $900 a month. Even if enough is raised to help for a couple months until we can figure out finances and next steps, it would help so much.

We lost our whole world, but we want to keep the last thing she put her heart and soul into for us.

If any if you have experienced a similar loss in your lives, I am so sorry, and I wish I could take your pain away, as well as mine. I wouldn’t wish this on absolutely anyone — not the loss or the financial burden.

Also, if any of you have been subject to a sudden death in the family where that person never made a will, spoke with anyone about wishes or plans, or signed medical proxies and given permissions leaving you to decide everything and make the calls, I’m sorry. Our mom never did any of that — she was stubborn and a procrastinator (my brother and I obviously get it from somewhere), and even though she had mentioned several times of “needing to” take care of things, she never did, possibly because she didn’t want to believe it would end like this.

I had to sign a DNR and no ventilator. I had to give permission to stop antibiotics so she could go peacefully. I had to contact family and friends. I have to now call funeral homes and cemeteries to get quotes. I have to call lincare to let them know they can come get the hospital bed rental from our house. I have to call our internet, electricity, and car/home insurance providers to discuss what happens now when only her name was on the accounts. I had to handle the bank, luckily getting my name on her account was the one thing I was able to get her to do before she got really bad. I’ll have to handle any hospital bills. And while I’m not doing it all on my own, because I have my brother, dad, and stepmom, it still feels like it’s all on me. I’m the eldest, so I’m responsible.

And that part is definitely something I would absolutely never wish on anyone else. In fact, after all this I’m going to write up my own will, and update it when needed. At 24 I’m going to have a will.

None of this seems real, and I wish it wasn’t.

If you’re able to donate, I want you to know I’ll never be able to adequately express just how much it means to us. Once she is laid to rest, keeping this house will be the only thing that matters. If you’re not able to donate, even just a reblog could help make it to someone who can.

Thank you if you’ve read this far. Thank you if you send your condolences. And the only thing I ask of you now is this: never take anything for granted, and never miss out on opportunities to show those you love just how much they mean to you.

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ho ho ho where did my motivation go

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My mother had been fighting health issues since the beginning of the year. By February I had already dubbed 2018 the worst year of my/our life because so many things had already happened. By summer she was diagnosed with lymphoma, and a form that is one of the hardest to treat. Her doctors were optimistic though, so we remained hopeful.

After a tough fight, never ending pain that only got worse as time went on all year, chemo that stopped working, and an open wound she had since the beginning of the year, she lost to her cancer and a septic infection on December 7th, 2018. Thus officially making 2018 the absolute worst year of my life.

Myself at 24 and my brother at 21, we now have to navigate the world without our mother, whom singlehandedly raised us after she and our father divorced when we were both very young. Luckily our dad and stepmom are stepping up fully now to help us and be there, we have several friends we are blessed to have that have stayed by not only our side, but by our mother's bedside until her passing, and her boyfriend is also extending his help as much as he can in his own time of grief, as this isn't the first time he's experienced losing a very close loved one to cancer.

However, we are left with holes in our hearts and a hole in income. Money would be the last thing on our minds right now if it weren't for one thing: our house.

Our mom's dream for her whole life was to find and buy a house, and have somewhere for her children to always have and come back to. Just last year we found a house, and after the grueling process of trying to get financed, we finally signed the papers in November of 2017. Come January of 2018 she was out of work due to her health. By February 2018 the open wound formed. Due to complications with an incompetent surgeon (yes, we're going to be trying our best to file a lawsuit, because he was negligent), she wasn't diagnosed until around July 2018, but not until AFTER she finally convinced a different doctor to refer her to another surgeon. Chemo had began, but by the fourth cycle it stopped working and the cancer grew and spread, and her wound just kept getting worse. We were waiting for radiation to start when she got bad and was sent to the hospital on Monday, December 4th. Her decline was more rapid than any of us could have imagined. By December 7th, just after 11:00 PM, she was gone.

All she ever wanted was for us to have a home of our own. With her diagnosis I stayed out of work to care for her, babysitting a couple kids out of our home just to pay my bills, help with household bills, and get groceries and necessities. My brother has a car payment and full coverage insurance that amount to $400 total to pay every month (we are going to try to sell the car to someone else to be out from under payments), so he could only contribute so much while already working full time. And our mom had just been granted disability a couple months ago, which luckily covered most of the mortgage.

With her gone, the last disability check should be this month (because they're always a month behind, paying for the prior month), but after that we're going to struggle. This house was the last good thing that happened to us as a family before her health issues started and she got really sick. It was her dream above everything else. And my brother and I just don't want to lose it. It's like the last good piece of her we have left.

Any money donated would first go toward her cremation and purchasing a grave plot, and hopefully enough for a gravestone as well. Anything left over would ONLY be going toward the mortgage on the house, which is $900 a month. Even if enough is raised to help for a couple months until we can figure out finances and next steps, it would help so much.

We lost our whole world, but we want to keep the last thing she put her heart and soul into for us.

If any if you have experienced a similar loss in your lives, I am so sorry, and I wish I could take your pain away, as well as mine. I wouldn't wish this on absolutely anyone — not the loss or the financial burden.

Also, if any of you have been subject to a sudden death in the family where that person never made a will, spoke with anyone about wishes or plans, or signed medical proxies and given permissions leaving you to decide everything and make the calls, I'm sorry. Our mom never did any of that — she was stubborn and a procrastinator (my brother and I obviously get it from somewhere), and even though she had mentioned several times of "needing to" take care of things, she never did, possibly because she didn't want to believe it would end like this.

I had to sign a DNR and no ventilator. I had to give permission to stop antibiotics so she could go peacefully. I had to contact family and friends. I have to now call funeral homes and cemeteries to get quotes. I have to call lincare to let them know they can come get the hospital bed rental from our house. I have to call our internet, electricity, and car/home insurance providers to discuss what happens now when only her name was on the accounts. I had to handle the bank, luckily getting my name on her account was the one thing I was able to get her to do before she got really bad. I'll have to handle any hospital bills. And while I'm not doing it all on my own, because I have my brother, dad, and stepmom, it still feels like it's all on me. I'm the eldest, so I'm responsible.

And that part is definitely something I would absolutely never wish on anyone else. In fact, after all this I'm going to write up my own will, and update it when needed. At 24 I'm going to have a will.

None of this seems real, and I wish it wasn't.

If you're able to donate, I want you to know I'll never be able to adequately express just how much it means to us. Once she is laid to rest, keeping this house will be the only thing that matters. If you're not able to donate, even just a reblog could help make it to someone who can.

Thank you if you've read this far. Thank you if you send your condolences. And the only thing I ask of you now is this: never take anything for granted, and never miss out on opportunities to show those you love just how much they mean to you.

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this close to putting hot sauce on my toes