cc-detained

[cc-detained]

Despite My Despair: Chapter 3

Word Count:4850

Trigger Warnings : Historical acurracy , descriptions of violence and death,period typical knowledge / attitude of disabilities .

𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹𖦹

( 3rd person pov )

As the rays of sunlight pass through the curtains ,Polly and Ada awoke with a start. That energy seemed to grow as they approached the dining table the thoughts of ideas wading through the miriade of thoughts circling through their heads . While Ada knew Ms. Jameson, they needed someone who could get anyone talking. Someone who knew the language of women, someone like John. Since it was known that he would be the most effective while he was still a Shelby, people could let their guard down around him .As someone with Ada’s  character would be met with suspicion.Especially from her.

“Hey, what’s going on here?”, spoke the man in question.

The two were snapped out of their discussion by the man of the hour. John  wandered around aimlessly, spuinting his eyes at the sun hitting his eyes ,clearly showing he had just woken up. Coupled with the clumsy way he was rifling through the cupboards, in search of something to eat.

“John there you are! We need you for something.” Ada says with way too much energy at this time of day.

“Oh?What for ?”John mumbled through his breakfast.

“We need you to talk to Ms. Jameson. About what happened yesterday at work.”

“Why?”, replied John with suspicion. Eyes blinking rapidly as they were trying to waken up and brows furrowed, John pondered where this conversation was heading.

What does this have to do with anything? And why would Ada want information from Ms. Jameson of all people?

“We think something happened to Cassius there but we need you to find out”, Polly answered as if she knew what he was thinking ,speaking calmly but with enough authority in her demeanor to leave no room for argument.

John stared back confused. More questions sprung to mind, his head swimming with thoughts about what happened to Cassius and on whether he had missed something there.

“Why don’t you do it?”John retorted to Ada slightly exasperated, of being so out of the loop of this situation.Especially since the task didn’t make much sense to him.Since normally this is something Ada doesn’t need help with, so why did she need him to do it now ? 

“She hates me since I stole her necklace when we were kids.” Ada quickly lets out.

Well that explains it. At least this would be fun , John thought to himself.

“Alright leave it to me.I’ll let you know what happens.” , John agreed  as he gets up to leave the house, thinking about the favours Ada would owe him as a result for his involvement as he closed the door on his way out.

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The pub was lively and bustling, people jostling in tune with the music. As the jazz band prepares to lead into another song that’s when John spots her Ms. Jameson, a lonely figure donned in a honey-coloured dress  matching her hair. Seemily isolated from the vibrant atnkrsphere around her . By idling by the bar, nursing a drink with a face marked with frustration, seemingly moments away from breaking the glass in her choking grip into a million small shards.

Taking one last breath , to prepare for the game. As the breath leaves his lips , his persona slowly appears on his face .

Well let’s started shall we ?

Confidantly walking over to her , pretending to look at the jam packed bar before he turn his attention to her.

“Oh Hello! Ms.Jameson isn’t it?” John approaching her with a friendly demeanor. His voice snapped  her out of her thoughts.

Ms. Jamesone turns to the sound of John’s voice, her face initially screwed up as though she’d bitten into a lemon before ironing out her features once she made eye contact with John. The irritation dissipating in the next moment, as though it was never there to begin with.

“Why hello Mr. Shelby”, Ms.Jameson responded in a soft tone, a complete 180 to her appearance moments ago.

“Please call me John.” As he moves to sit right next to her jumping on to the barstool with ease.

“Then please call me Jackie,” Ms. Jameson remarked carefree.

“So how are you finding this place ?” 

Jackie lets out a deep exhale as though in preparation for offloading a great weight off her shoulders.

“Great.With the week I’ve had, I needed an escape.”Her face implying she wanted to burn the building down or something if she wasn’t here.

“That bad huh?”

Letting out a chuckle in agreement, she remarks.

“You can say that again.”

“Wanna share?,” Turning the barstool around to face her directly.

“Only if you buy me another one of these,” Ms.Jameson replied, lifting up her glass in response.

Taking the glass to refill, John headed to the bar, whilst figuring out his next steps. 

Alright so far so good. She doesn’t seem to suspect anything but i can’t chance it. After all Polly will have my head if i fuck this up.

His part had only just begun after all. He would have to play this right to get the intel Polly wanted. 

Returning from the bar, John passes the drink back into Ms.Jameson’s trusty grip which seems more relaxed, downing the whole thing like a man in a drought. The breakneck speed causes a brief crack in John’s expression. 

Once “Jackie” managed to compose herself, John saw the opportunity to continue.Leaning against the bar as if he had no other care in the world.

“So you ready to tell me what happened?” using his signature smirk to put her at ease.

“Yeah..something happened to the madman at work,” Jackie softly spoke, recalling the reason for her odd behaviour.

“Madman?”, John needled softly.

“Cassius something, got into some trouble that Mrs. Jones had to pull him out of , it was nothing really but Mr. Wakefield didn't like it. Of course that arsehole would blow this up well out of proportion”, Jackie replied, the words escaping from her lips in a quick fashion as if she was afraid she wouldn’t get to finish.

“Oh?” John remarked,

That’s it a little more.  Knowing he was almost at the heart of the matter, his eyes glinting with satisfaction with how easy it was Jackie's eyes glazed from recounting the debacle and was too gone to notice anything. Let alone question why John seemed a too interested but even that was hard to tell.

“Yeah so he lost it on him, yelling. I thought that was the end of it until I heard a crash. When I checked I saw Cassius writhering  on the floor in pain with Mr Wakefield telling him to get out.”

“You think he kept it to himself?,” John spoke promptly, sensing that the tale wasn’t over but internally relieved to get to the heart kf the matter.

“If he was smart he would”, Jackie stated as it were obvious. As soon as she said that , dread filled John’s stomach at the implications of those words, steeling himself not to show of how it made him feel . What the fuck does she mean by that!? 

“What do you mean?” He asks casually as if he wasn’t hiding he really wanted to say. 

“Because Mr Wakefield has something over him.”

“What’s that?”, John asked, eyes sharp in calculation.

How bad is this ? Does he know ? What else could it be ? 

“The Colonies . If Cassius told anyone, Mr.Wakefield would tell the authorities that they missed one freak and he would be taken to god knows where.”

Holy Shit

Understanding the gravity of the matter but having no clue what say to that he simply replied offhandedly.

“Huh, interesting.” 

The pair were swept in a lengthy silence, in between which Ms. Jameson went on divulging the rest of her troubles which were meaningless in comparison which John had to stay for to avoid suspicion. Despite this all of it out the atmosphere was  filled with relief and a sense of calm.  In between feigning  interest in the conversation, John digests what he has learned.

No wonder Ada wanted me to talk to her. I hope Pol and her sort this out. God knows we don’t need another pain in the arse. 

When he finally  began parting from the bar his mask slowly fades with each step he takes. His true self starts to appear as he reaches home.

I hope they know what to do with this .

᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾᯾

Opening the door John  finds Polly and Ada at the table drinking engrossed in their conversation.

“Hey, I'm back.”

They both turn to see him looking exhausted.  Ada asks first

“What did you find out ?” 

Bringing his hands across his face to recollect what happened. 

“Well according to her Cassius got beaten up by his boss, a Mister Wakefield.” 

“Did she say why didn’t he say anything?”

“This is the part I hope you can make sense to you.Apparently he was holding the fact that he could send him to the Colonies if he said anything.”

Realisation hits the women , this wasn’t good. Polly pours herself another drink whilst Ada brings her head to her hands.

“Oh god.No matter he was in such a state last night.” she lets out as the events of last night began to make sense, looking over at John seeing that he is still confused.”I'll explain later.”

“Okay” 

“So what do we do now? turning to  Polly, putting the topic back on hand.

“We go see that Mr Wakefield , John can you make sure that no one reported Cassius to the authorities?”

“Will do. See you later.”

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The scenery passes by the window on the car.As Ada looks out the window on their way to the train station.

How do we stop this from happening again? After all this is over this can happen again.If someone gets pissed off at Cassius for the slightest could send him to god knows where.And we wouldn’t have a clue.How do i fix this? Anyone who sees him will notice him either by his actions or his skin colour.Heck no one outside the family associates Cassius with the family let alone the business . 

This was the main issue as Tommy refused for him to be anywhere in it and kept him out of it as he feared him being targeted and making him part of it ,especially now would be signing his death warrant.So how to do this without putting him in even more danger? 

I hope Tommy knows what to do with this. Everything suddenly stops. Turning to Polly who is adjusting her coat:

“Come on Ada , let’s show him you don’t mess with a Shelby.”

As they got out ,in the process getting hit with this cold air while they approached the train station,despite the hours few people were there. The building is large wooden which at first was nothing special compared to a factory but inside it looked completely different.The inside entrance had squeaky clean floors , where all there is to see in the room was fully working and not single mismatched thing in sight.Polly approaches one of the put together ticket masters behind the clear screen.

“Hello Mrs Gray,how can I help you?” The woman behind the screen was polite yet was trying to keep her nerves at bay.

“I’m here to see Mr Wakefield, do you know where he is ?”

“He’s in his office , do you want me to show you the way?”

“That would be great.”

As their walking Polly notices that the closer they get to the staffroom the clean , pristine area around them slowly turns into a tattered, and worn out one. Passong by the staffroom , Polly sees a better looking office up ahead which has writing  on the window 

Andrew Wakefield

-Head of Birmingham railways -  that stood out from its surroundings .

“What’s happening here?”

The women turn around to see Ms Jameson poking her head outside the staffroom.

“We’re here to discuss a potential deal with Mr Wakefield.” The distinguished one said as if they were here for a chat.

“Wait here , I”ll see if he can see you.” 

She turns to speed walk to the door which she left slightly open.Within the room hushed tones are heard but nothing decipherable . Suddenly she was back,with a plastered smile.

“Mr Wakefield will see you now.” while smiling nervously.

Polly and Ada go into the office, besides the plaque with his name and title the whole room is a mess with so many documents piling on the desk you can’t tell what colour it is . Seeing them enterMr Wakefield got up from his seat , with a welcoming smile .

“ Ah Mrs Gray, Ms Shelby please take a seat.”  While gesturing to leather seats that looked older than him.When they were seated in front of him he spoke again. 

“Would you ladies like some tea ? I could get Ms Jameson to bring some in if you would like.”

“ That would be lovely”.

“ Ms.Jameson!” He yells with a voice that is used to yelling.Ms Jameson arrives quickly and perplexed as to why he yelled despite the fact she was not that far from the door.  Shifting back to his sickly sweet voice.“Can you bring us some tea and biscuits?”

“Sure thing sir.“ Replying with a false politeness that hid what she really felt . After she handed the tea , Ada looked over to Polly as she took a sip , she gave a slight nod which meant one thing.

The game was on. 

He saw this as his cue to start talking. “So what can I help you ladies with?” Turning his attention to Polly.

“We came to talk to you about a potential business deal.”

“Oh?” Mr Wakefield’s face  shifts to excitement at this but is trying not to seem overeager. 

“What is it you have in mind?”

‘Well you know we pretty much own Birmingham but the one thing we haven’t really secured is transport. As it is important for the factories we need to transport goods as quickly as possible. And well, trains are the fastest way to do it through the whole country. We need someone who can sort this problem for us.”

“So where do I come in?”

“We need someone who knows how to operate and manage trains to ensure our cargo gets top priority, so ours gets delivered first over our competitors.That way we both can benefit.”

“Well i can assure you ladies you’ve come to the right man, after all they don’t make you the head of railways for nothing.” 

“You wouldn't mind if we ask you some questions , to iron out the details?” Ada speaks whilst cheerfully taking a bite of her biscuit.

“ Of course , what do you want to know?”. He says to matching her smile.

“Well i was wondering if this was to work you would need staff you can rely on. Do you have that?”

“I assure you that I do Ms Shelby, there’s one thing I don't tolerate is incompetence .”

“So if we were to hand a shipment to any of the porters you can guarantee it will be handled correctly?”

“Absolutely”

“Okay, how about we give the  first shipment to that one porter, Ada, what was his name?”

“I think it was Cassius Sparrow ,Pol”

At the mention of the name the expression of his face shifted from cheery to unreadable.

“Are you sure you want him to handle it?”

“Why not? Didn’t you say all of your porters are capable ?”

“ I did but while he is competent he isn’t exactly …. reliable.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well yesterday he had an incident at work so because of that I wouldn’t trust him with important cargo for a while.” 

“Well what happened?”Ada said, making it clear she was not going to let it go.

Taking a sigh he responds , clearly not happy about it.

“I had to discipline him the other day for not being able to handle a customer.”

“That’s all?” Confusion crosses Ada’s face whilst he says this. 

“ He got scared cause a customer was in his face, Mrs Jones our Station Mistress had to step in to save him. A fuckin disgrace that is.”

He takes a couple of moments to snap out of the brief rant that caused him to compose himself.

“When you say discipline what do you mean exactly?” Ada pipes up , trying but failing to hide her intent interest in the answer.

Mr Wakefield takes a moment to answer as the tone from Ada’s voice meant that this is no laughing matter, his face looks uneasy like he doesn’t exactly want to answer but knows things will turn out ugly if he doesn’t. 

“Just thrown him out my office and told him to fuck off . He says casually, or at least tried to cover his slight nerves at the shift in questions.

“And you think he’s not gonna say anything?” 

Energised by this Mr Wakefield began to explain in his stride.Sitting up , using his hands to make his point.

“I know he won’t. You think someone like him  is gonna believe him over me?” He emphasises his point by pointing at himself with his thumb. 

“Please if he tries anything , I can get him sent to the looney bin like that.”Snap

There’s no response as Polly and Ada takes this in.

“So why do you care about someone like him?” He says holding all his venom in that one word.

Polly pulls something out of her bag , a hand mirror and as she touches her face up:

“You see Mr Wakefield , we tend to protect our own and when something like this happens we can’t let it slide.”

“One of your own? How can HE be one of yours !? You’re telling me HE’S a Blinder !? He looks like a wonky door could kill him!”

“He isn’t a blinder himself, but he’s certainly a part of us.”

The blood seemed to be drained from his face as he took in the implication of those words.

Clearing his throat , he changed his act quickly after all he wasn’t gonna let that cretin cost him this deal.

“Okay so how about I compensate him for this misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?”

His face locks on to Polly who looks impassive.

“I’m afraid that that won’t be possible.”

“What do you mean? What else would he need?”

“Nothing you can give him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You see Mr Wakefield, when you attacked him you undermined my honour.”

“But surely Mrs Gray we can work out this misunderstanding.”

“You call ,you beating up the man I see as a son a misunderstanding?”

Click

Polly cocks the gun at his face with a silent fury that even Athena herself would cower from. As this hits him

Mr Wakefield is paralyzed with fear ,realising that in that moment he fucked up.His survival instinct is in overdrive, looking  like a deer in headlights . As his eyes dart up he sees Polly step closer to press move the gun to his head.Hoping he can say something to stop , he tries to plea

“M-”

But she puts her fingers against his lips to shush him.

Then it dawns on him he forgot one thing Polly wasn’t Tommy.There’s nothing he can do to save himself.His fate was sealed the moment they stepped through the door.

She leans closer to speak , barely above a whisper.

“  so by the order of the Peaky Blinders go to fucking hell.”

BANG

In Polly’s eyes it is as though time slows down around her .His blood splatters on the wall behind him, some getting on her clothes.It takes a couple of seconds before his body gets the memo and crashes down. When time returns back to normal she gets back in the moment, looking back to Ada who remained seated.

“Ada , call the boys to get this cleaned up.” Ada goes up to the office phone as soon as she hears someone answer .Polly steps out to see Ms Jameson sprinting towards her,

“Mrs Gray! I heard a gunshot is everything alri-”

She pauses ,the blood rushes from her face when she sees the drops of blood on her blouse.

“Let’s just say you”ll be  getting a new boss.”

Ms Jameson nods , petrified of offending the woman in any way possible for fear of being next. Ada walks out of the office , who unlike Polly didn’t have any blood on her and to an unknowing person looked as if she was just leaving a meeting and rushing to get to the pub. Walking like they didn’t leave a corpse behind them she approaches Polly.

“Okay Pol,the guys will be here in 15 minutes.Is there anything else you need to do?”

Thinking to herself for a minute before speaking. 

“No, not that I can think of.”

She takes a minute to double check that she didn’t miss anything.

“ No there isn’t.Come on Ada , let’s get out here.”

So they go back to the car, casually as if they didn’t murder a guy minutes ago.

The car ride was mostly quiet as they were both deep in thought, the car stopping for a minute to drop Polly off so she could change out of her bloody clothes. As the car continues to go to the betting shop , Ada replays everything that has happened in her head. During this, everything stops.

“We’re here Ms Shelby.”

Wasn’t there like 10 minutes left? Oh time seemed to have gone so fast.Stepping out of the car Ada navigated through the road to the dreary looking shop that matched the look of the other buildings around her.

As Ada passes through the betting shop,the sounds of busy patrons and justling of money surround her which slowly quiets down with each step she takes to Tommy’s office.But now she is here , her nerves reach up to her.How would she tell him? How would he react?

After what felt like minutes she managed to calm herself, she would be alright ,no matter what happened he would have her back. Raising her hand to the well varnished wooden door.

*knock knock*

Poking her head through the door.

“Tommy,are you free to talk?”

As she peers into the room , Tommy is on the phone with someone, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.”

“Yeah , give me a minute ”, he replied as he turned his attention back to the phone. “Okay, when is this happening? Alright see you then.”

Putting the phone down he takes a long exhale as if to purge his frustration out of him.

“Everything okay?”,Ada asks lightly as Tommy looks knackered.

“Yeah ,yeah just some pointless semantic shit.” As he drags his hands over his face, ducking his head down to open a drawer from his desk retrieving 2 glasses and a bottle of whiskey. As he gets up from his leather chair to pour himself a drink he returns his attention to Ada.

“Would you like some?” He says gesturing to the bottle.

“God yes.” The adrenaline from earlier switching to exhaustion.

He pours her drink , handing it to her as he sits across her.As he takes a sip from his glass he asks:

“So what did you want to talk about?”

“What happened last night with Cassius.”

Those words seems to energise Tommy as though waking him from his slumber.

“Oh? What did you find out?” With eyes trying to make sure not to miss a single detail.

“Turns out that it was his boss that did it to him.”

Tommy stares back in confusion , as he remembers how brutal Cassius’s injuries were. 

“What could he have possibly done to deserve that?”

“Apparently he couldn't handle a rowdy customer so the Station Mistress had to help.”

Tommy downs the rest of his drink in order to process this.

“Fuckin hell , so where is this guy?”

“You don’t have to worry about him , me and Polly took care of it.”

“Good.” He seemed to be at ease at this news.

“But we also found out why he didn’t tell anyone.” Tommy’s face immediately changed from relieved to concerned.

“Why’s that?”

“His boss was threatening to have him sent to the colonies if he did.”

Tommy didn’t understand how this was a problem.

“So? Why is that a problem? Wouldn’t that die with him?”

“It's a bigger problem then that Tommy , if anyone spends a few minutes with him they'll know he isn’t like us or anyone really. Then that could be used by anyone who wishes to do anything to him and we would never know.”

“So how do we fix this?”

“We need to make it public that he’s associated with us. That way people would be hesitant to harm him.”

“How do we do that without getting him more hurt? Ada we’re currently fighting a lot of people, that would be like throwing him to the wolves.”

 “Not if we put guards around him. “

“But how do we justify it? Anyone with eyes could tell he isn’t a blinder and he sure as hell doesn’t match the type of people that associate with us.”

“We tell them the truth that he’s protected by the Peaky Blinders as he’s connected to the family.That connection doesn’t need to be stated until you’re ready.”

“Right.”

“Though you should talk to him about this when you can , as the last thing we need is for him to keep things like this from us again.”

“I will but I don't know how I can deal with all that’s happening : between Kimber , the Lees,Campbell and now this. I don’t know how I can juggle this as well.”

“Look Tommy how about I keep an eye out on him for you ? Until this is all over.”

“That would be great actually.”

Moments pass as the two sit in comfortable silence,with Tommy leaning back relaxing in his seat.One Tommy savoured as a break from all the hecticness he’s been through the last couple of weeks.Moments passed when he was ready to leave this peace,saying:

“So is there something else you want to talk about?”Looking to his side at Ada he noticed she seemed sort of ..tense.Why is she like that?

Ada nods her head

“There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Does this have anything to do with you up last night?”

“Yes it does.”

How bad is this gonna be? Does she owe people money? Is she being blackmailed or something? What could this possibly be? Is she injured like Cassius?

“Ada what aren’t you telling me ? Are you in any trouble?”

“No but promise you will hear me out before reacting okay?”

“Okay”

Tommy panics a little

Please don’t be hurt.Anything but that.

“I’ve been seeing someone.”

Phew while sighing in relief .

“For how long?”

“A while”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

What reasons could she not want to tell me?

In the process he doesn’t like what he thinks.

Please don’t tell me he’s a cunt or something.While he trusts Ada’s taste he could think of no other reason for her to not tell him since they always confide in each other.

“I didn’t tell anyone.I was afraid of how you would react but it has gone to the point where I no longer want to hide it.”

Okay this means he can’t be a bad man right. Tommy thinks while trying to see where this is going.

A couple of seconds go by as Tommy processes this.

“So who is the lucky man?”

“Freddy Thorne”

More seconds pass as Tommy is quietly relieved that Ada chose a good man but there is something he has to be sure of.

“Do you think he’s ready for this? Because as soon as we tell everyone else there is no going back.”

“He is. I talked about it with him yesterday.”

Getting up from his chair.

“Okay gather everyone for a family meeting , we’re telling them all this.But Ada”

He turns to face her 

“Promise you won’t hide something like this from me again okay?”

“Okay”

With that he leaves the room.

1.5 Hours later

The entire Shelby clan have gathered in the meeting room,none of them having no idea what’s going on but on edge due to the earlier rift between the family.All the unspoken questions floating around the room.

Why are we here?

What’s going on?

Is this gonna make things worse ?

Will there be another fight?

Suddenly Tommy enters ,breaking them off from their thoughts,holding the door for Ada. 

“Alright everybody sorry to keep you waiting but we got to tell you all something.” Tommy and Ada stood in front of the others.Which was odd for Ada as she never did that, but the others in the room did not notice.

“What is it Tom? Did Kimber do something?”Arthur says clearly ready to act .

“No Arthur this isn’t about Kimber , this is family business.”

“What do you mean Tommy?” Polly chimes in, confused like everyone else to where this conversation is headed.

“Ada here, has something to tell us.”

Tommy gestures to Ada to speak while standing next to her to provide her moral support.

“I’ve been seeing Freddy Thorne in secret.”

As soon as those words left her mouth the whole room erupted in questions.

“For how long?”

“Why didn’t you tell us before?”

“Did he knock you up or something?”

“Everyone calm down” Tommy says as he interrupts this bombardment as it was going nowhere.

“Let’s give her time to answer.”

The new silence that hovers over making each second more tense as the last as they wait for the answers.

“It's been a couple of weeks, no i’m not pregnant and I didn’t tell you before because I feared your reactions to this but it has gone one to the point where I don’t want to sneak around anymore.”

Arthur stands up looking serious which is a rare sight in itself.

“I’m happy for you Ada,but if he does something , will you tell us alright?” He says leaving no room for argument.

“Of course I will Arthur.”

Arthur smiles at her understanding, turning back to Tommy with his usual demeanor.

“Is that all?”

“No their isn’t” Polly pipes up. This causes everyone to freeze where they were as no one knows.Where this is heading? Will this be another battle? If so, how will they not get caught in the crosshairs?

“Now that we know this I think it's time that Ada has some responsibility.”

“What type of responsibility Pol?” Tommy asks , hoping this won’t lead to another fight between them.

“Well I need some help managing the Garrison since Arthur’s not very good at it. Plus Ada could help manage the bar when I'm not around.”

“Sounds good. That's alright with you Ada?”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Alright , does anyone have any objections?”

“.......”

“ Then that’s that then.” 

Arthur springs up from chair.

“Now that’s settled, how about we celebrate Ada’s new role in the business?”

“Sounds good to me, can Freddie come?”

“I don’t see why not, he can bring Cassius with him.”

“I’ll go call him.

𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙𓆙

Meanwhile……

Eavesdropping on the conversation from outside the room whilst being careful not to get caught.

Grace looked at the scene in front of her.Crap,why did this have to happen? She had planned to use Ada’s secret relationship against her but it's no use now that the secret is gone . It didn’t help that her past attempts to get close to Tommy weren’t going as planned. As  her previous attempts to get close to him were somehow failing as he seemed more interested in carrying a lunatic out yesterday than he had ever shown her in the past 2 weeks.2 weeks she has spent trying to get his affections but instead he’s more affectionate to a crazed man? What’s going on? At this point he should’ve been locked in so why was this different? Was it to do with that lunatic?Who even was he? Ada mentioned a Cassius. Was that his name?  She hadn’t got any intel about this guy from her handlers, a guy she didn’t even know about until yesterday? The guy didn’t look like he belonged at the Garrison especially since he’s coloured yet he was protected. Why would the Shelby’s care for someone like that ? And is this nutter seriously the reason I can't get close to Tommy? The guy who is an absolute nutcase!? I can’t lose to the likes of him . Whoever this guy is and what he is to the Shelby’s I need to find out when he gets here.

[cc-detained]

Do not interact if:Zionist,Racist,Ableist, Transphobic and are a piece of shit in general.

My Masterlist

Peaky Blinders:

Despite My Despair ( Tommy Shelby/Male reader):

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4 ( Coming soon , after a while)

[cc-detained]

Despite My Despair:Chapter 2

 Trigger Warnings:Historically acurrate ableism , mentions of violence / injuries , senskry overload aftermath, mentions of war , unhealthy coping habits.

Word Count: 3900

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(Tommy’s Pov) 

Thank fucking god that was over.

That meeting was a total shit show. Leaving the room gave me instant relief.The room that  was calm at first glance, but upon further inspection revealed a choking atmosphere. One that only needed a spark to set it alight.This looked completely different. As it was loud and with so many people , it was hard to get around the place . The warm light gave a relaxed air , taking solace in . How the fuck was  this meant to work and not ruin everything I have, without losing Aunt Pol, that through Kimber we wouldn’t have to worry anymore. As much as  what we have going on is good I can't risk it . Not with what I have now.

Filtering across the busy bar to go see Harry, who was helping the barmaid manage the crowd,when it starts to calm down I piped up:

“Hey Harry, can I get another one of these?” 

“Yeah sure Tommy.”He took my glass , as seeing the familiar honey coloured liquor it contained asking what was bothering me . 

“Thanks,has Polly already left with Cassius?” 

“Polly left but I hadn't seen Cassius with her.” 

Thank god at least we won’t have to fight about this aga-. wait did he say ? That can’t be right , someone else must’ve picked him up.

“Did he leave with someone else ?” 

He must’ve , no-one would be thick enough to  leave him by himself.

“No. Honestly I haven't seen him for a while now.”

No.This can't be happening. How can this be happening?

“Harry , when was the last time you saw him?” I asked while willing myself to remain calm. 

“When you were with him about an hour ago?” 

My eyes bounce across the room , maybe he’s around here somewhere? But no , no matter how hard I look I can't find him anywhere.

Fuck. Okay Tommy calm down.We need to get it together . I need to get Arthur now , whilst using all my willpower to keep it together with each step I take.

“Arthur, have you seen Cassius?” 

“No Tom, is something wrong?” 

“I don't know where he is , he hasn't left with Pol or anyone else.”

“Fuckin hell….right I will ask around to see if someone has seen him,don't worry we'll find him.”

“Alright”. 

Leaning against the bar I once again force myself to relax , he wouldn't leave the building by himself but then why would he still be here? And how come nobody knows where he is ?

“Tommy , come over here !”

Head snapping up ,springing off my chair to go where Arthur was gesturing.  

“Yes Arthur, have you found him ?” 

“No but I think I found out where he might be.One of the guys-”

 He gestures to a conflicted weasel of a man whose soul seemed set on leaving his body. That paired with a large stain on the front of his shirt. He was surrounded by his group of friends who were loud and incoherent ,at the bar 

“-saw him in the bathroom.”

“When was this ?” 

“Like 15 minutes ago.But Tom he said tha-”

I didn't let him finish that sentence before barging into the bathroom calling out:

“Princely,  are you alright?”

Hoping that he would be there , while my eyes adjusted to the dim light of the bathroom wondering my next move. Is he okay? What do I do if he's hurt? 

Under the flickering light bulb there laid Cassius curled up on the dirty wooden floor , hitting his head in a frenzy  whilst looking in  agony. Making weird sounds impossible to make out. Running over to him wanting to help but not knowing what to do.

It hurts to see him like this but I must push my feelings aside as he needs me now. Taking a deep breath to get my shit together,trying to figure out what to do. Asking gently as possible:

“ Princely are you okay, what's wrong?”

Please don't be hurt.

 “Noise….it's too loud.”

 He strains out as he rocks back and forth.

“Is it okay if I hold you ?” asking gently  as to not upset him further.

As nodded ,  I moved over to hold him from behind, wrapping my arms around him to stop him from harming himself . Holding him I think : 

How did this happen?  How could nobody notice?

Does he need to go to a doctor? But the answers to those questions had to wait. First priority was getting him home safely. 

“Princely I'm gonna take you home now. Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you?”

“...carry”, he responded faintly. 

Placing my arms under him whilst lifting him up bridal style carefully as possibly  to not cause any further harm.Just as I was about to reach the door Arthur bursts in  with his usual loud voice.

“Tommy oh thank god I found yo-"

he stops as his entire expression shifts as he takes everything in front of him. Lowering his voice he asks 

 “Tommy, are you alright? What’s happening?” 

Honestly I don't even know the answer to that question.

“I don’t know Art ,Cassius is not doing well. I need you to go get the car ready so I can take him home.” 

“Will do.I’ll meet you out front.”

Getting ready to leave the bathroom , it gives me time to re-examine the situation.Judging by how Princely looks I need to get him out NOW. Once I finally get the door open with one hand my eyes strain from the sudden shift to the bright light while simultaneously getting hit with the smell of smoke,booze and wood.Feeling something down my arm, I see Cassius trying to hide his face in my neck, shielding himself from someone's gaze. It’s the beer stain guy from earlier,talking to a group of people surrounding him while pointing in our direction. For what reason? Zeroing in on his group his voice carries across the short distance:

“-and then I saw this cretin spazzing out on the floor acting like he-”

Son of a bitch.As much the idea of me dealing with him is appealing I have to take care of Cassius. Resuming my journey out of this buildung inconspicuously proves challenging.

“Wait, is that the freak you were on over there?”

Oh for fucks sake.

Turning back around which lets me get a better look at them,even though they're a group,only two of them are actively in the conversation: beer stain and this other guy who looks in a sort of daze. But it’s clear they're both shit-faced, if their red-toned, snow-powdered faces are any indication.

“Yeah that's him, you should have seen him earlier, acting like he belongs in a looney bin.”

“Wait, is that Tommy Shelby carrying him?”

“Probably to spare us the misery, by the looks of him he needs to be put down.”

“Why don't you deal with him yourself?”

“You’d need to pay me to touch a lunatic like him.”

“How about I buy you another pint if you do?”

“Deal”, beer-stain responds with intent.

He shuffles off his seat ,turning his attention to me as he approaches. 

 “Alright Mr Shelby, let me get that freak off ya hands.”

He says whilst looking at Cassius as though he was something to dispose of.Did he not know what he is doing? Jesus, how much Snow did he take ? 

“No. Get the fuck away from him .”

“What? Why’re you defending this freak?”

“That's none of your fucking buisness .”

“None of my fucking buisness? This imbecile is the reason jobs that should be going to men like us , men that fought for this country instead they are going to freaks like him. Freaks that are taking away money that could help us and you don't want to fix this?”

His anger is not unjustified but his target is wrong.

“You're blaming your lack of a job on him?”

“ No Mister Shelby”

 He walks closer to me, putting his hand on my arm while getting so close that I could see the individual hairs on his moustache. He must be so far gone if he thought this pathetic display would be seen as intimidating.

 “I'm saying that those like him are a burden on us.After all,that happened to us in the war why should he get the benefits that we deserve by doing fuck all? If anything we would be claiming what is rightfully ours.”

What in the actual fuck? As much as the desire to beat the living shit out of them grows by the second, it's not worth it and inconvenient. Why beat up a man clearly in turmoil? A man whose means of coping is not different to my own? But getting Cassius home safe is at the forefront of my mind. My first priority. Thiugh how the fuck am I meant to manage that with beer stain blocking the door?  Just from first look alone, getting out of this could get ugly, so I’m double fucked. I cant fight without risking Cassius getting hurt  and they’re too far gone to be reasoned with.So what do I do now?

SLAM

Oh thank god.

Arthur burst in his usual fashion.

“There you are Tommy! Thought you got lost.”

Sensing the tense air, Arthur shifts with stance from casual to anticipatory, ready to spring into action.

“What’s going on here?”

 Arthur said, tone filled with apprehension.

Turning over to me he sees what’s happening: me trying to leave with Cassius and how beer stain guy is stopping that from happening.

“I was just about to leave.” 

“He's free to after he hands that idiot over.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Because like I told him , that thing needs to be put down.”

“YOU FUCKIN BASTARD”

Arthur roars lunging close to bear-stain leaving him to veer off to the side.

With that sentence the whole atmosphere around me changes to a whole new level of chaos setting off as Arthur punches beer stain man in the face. Suddenly, the whole pub shifts from eerily quiet to a total brawl as men are fighting each other with whatever they can get their hands on. Debris littering the floor. Violence for the sake of violence, no reason necessary.

Dodging this mess was challenging to say the least, continuing to navigate my way out of here between dodging flying fists and the onslaught of objects in my way. As I approached the exit, I proceeded to scan my surroundings in all directions, on my way out noticing Grace looking at me. She seemed largely unaffected by what was happening, with how despite the chaos in front of her her station is somehow clean. Though that didn’t explain the annoyance in her gaze which though significant at first glance but insignificant in terms of current priorities.

Princely I hope you didn't hear anything those bastards said.

Finally in what seemed like forever, we made it outside unscathed. Taking advantage of the calm we rush to the car as quickly as possible. Thinking about what to do once I got there. It took me longer than it should to start the car, even though the car was going as fast as it would go, everything around me felt suspended in time. For now everything is alrigh-

HONK

THAT FUCKING BASTARD . WHAT WAS HE THINKING!? Wait, did I hit someone? Why is there yelling? Looking back to see Princely freaking out, curling into a ball whilst yelling and crying at the same time. 

Getting out to open his door ,pulling him into my arms , stroking his hair whilst trying to do my best to comfort him.

“Princely, it's okay. The car is gone, everything is going to be okay”. 

“I know you can’t talk right now but I’m here, we’re not that far from home now. You think you are ready to continue our way home.”

He nods 

Getting back into the car,we continue our way back looking at Princely through the side windows , bloody hell he looks so out of it like a walking corpse.

When we finally approach home, we are greeted by the familiar light from the house.Picking Cassius up,he looks so out of he I don't think he knows what is happening,getting us to the door which when i finally manage to open . Cause ruckus due to forgetting that I was carrying Cassius . Who knocked over the coat rack.

“Tommy what is happening?”

Turning around to see Ada who looks dressed up for this time of night.

“Ada what are you doing up?”

“Waiting for you, now tell me what’s going on?”

“Cassius was left alone at the Garrison when I found him he was like this . I don’t know what to do.”

“Tommy, listen, it's going to be okay. Take him upstairs and get him ready for bed. I'll make him a plate of his favourites , I will meet you up there.”

Nodding back I get to the task at hand whilst carrying him up the stairs being careful not to let anything hit him , as I help him get change into his favourite blue nightie… wait what? That can't be right.Double checking to see it again , that can’t be right.There were a sea of purple bruises decorating his back spreading to his right arm which looks like someone dug their nails deep into him,enough to draw blood.It barely looks like a human did this , more like an animal.How on earth did he get these injuries? His job wouldn't do this as how can he get this carrying baggage? And he could have been mugged as he still has his things.His injuries look recent so this must've happened just before he went to the Garrison? Why on earth would he go to the Garrison if that was what happened? Is this why this is happening to him ?

If that's the case no wonder he looks spaced out , poor thing he must still be overwhelmed from what happened hopefully rest will help. While he was nearly ready for bed , the thought stayed in my mind but it wasn’t the right time.As much as I want to ask about his injuries he's in no state to answer.

There is a knock on the door.

“Tommy, can I come in?”

“Yeah Ada come in”

“Hey Cassius , here are the biscuits you made here and some Ribena. It will be right here if you need it.” 

As she places it on the side table.

“thanks”

“Do you need anything else?”

 “no ,thank you.”

“Okay but if you need anything me and Tommy will be downstairs okay?”

How is she doing this so effortlessly , has this happened before?

 She turn over to me

“Let’s talk downstairs okay?”

“Okay”

I tuck Princely in

 

“Night , night Princely” 

After kissing him good night , dressing to my nightie to get comfortable.Then I went downstairs to talk to Ada. She is at the living room drinking whiskey looking like a lot of on her mind.She notices me staring, lifts up the bottle:

“Hey, you want some?”

“Fuck yes”

Sitting down on the chair next to her, the exhaustion I didn't know I had now hits me. 

“How are you feeling?”

“Honestly? Shit. I found the man who I love suffering but I couldn't even help him.”

“Tommy, you didn’t know what to do , this is your first time seeing this.”

“Someone had beaten him before?”

“What? What are you on about?”

“When getting him ready for bed,I saw bruises and marks on his body.Isn’t that what caused this?”

Ada looks at a loss for words

“No Tommy, that isn’t how this works.Did he mention anything to you?”

Ada got up from her chair to get more whiskey.

“No ,nothing”

“Oh shit.”

 Ada exclaims whilst looking at the back of her chair.

“What?”

“Tommy, you should see this.”

With that she throws the coat at him . Looking closely at it it's Cassius's work coat but the damage on it doesn't completely match his injuries. As one of the sleeves was torn , so how did he get the puncture wounds ?

“How the fuck did this happen?”

“No idea but trust me when I say me and Pol are gonna get to the bottom of this.”

“thanks Ada but can I ask you something?”

“Go for it”

“You said this happened before , what happened?”

“It was during the War when it happened . Cassius was at the factory coming home from work when we were meant to be expecting letters from home .Arthur and Johns came but yours didn’t that set him off.Since he was  he was convinced you were dead as according to him you promised you would never forget to write to him . He then freaked out, hitting himself , not talking, and made weird noises whilst rocking back and forth.”

“I didn’t think he would notice.”

“Why do you think that? He would bake something on the day he got it to celebrate you surviving, he thought it gave you good luck.Honestly i felt that was the only reason it kept him sane at the time.”

That explains why he likes baking so much. 

“Did you take him to a Doctor?”

“Yeah me and Polly took him down to one , we thought it was hysteria at first but when he looked at him . He told us that he was insane,even ranked him as feeble minded and told us he shouldn't go out and about . Saying he needs to be put in a colony.”

Wait what? That can’t be right.

“Colony? He wanted you to send him abroad during a war?”

“Not that type of colony, it's where they sent people like Cassius to villages where they would be taken care of.”

“Why didn’t you send him there?”

“Because if i did then you wouldn’t’ve seen him again.”

“What?” 

What does she mean by that?

“Tommy, when someone is sent to the colony, they are separated from society so no one ever sees them again.”

“Bloody hell.”

“Luckily for us , the people in the Colonies were working in the factories so the Doctor couldn’t send him there. Yeah so after that , me and Pol figured that he only had these episodes when overwhelmed or things were getting to him like if the noise was too loud.”

“What was happening here ,besides the whole letter thing, that could lead to him being overwhelmed?”

“Just because you were fighting a war over there , it didn’t mean that we weren’t affected here.”

“How?” 

I thought only those that fought suffered how they did suffer? I thought they were safe from it.

“The years where we spent in fear not knowing whether our loved ones would die every day,where we had to work ourselves to exhaustion to get by , fearing for our lives if we lost, what would happen to us? It messed us all up to the point we had to find different ways to deal with it :Polly had to pray every night to sleep,Cassius had to bake everyday to keep it together and read your letters constantly,and I had to keep myself busy so I wouldn't think about it in order to survive.”

“So how come he never told me this?”

“He’s scared.”

“Scared?”

“He’s afraid that even though you love you won’t be able to understand him no matter what happens so he’s afraid for you to see this part of him in case he scares you away.”

“I feel the same way towards him. But that doesn’t make sense. He helped me through the shock after I came back.”

“You’re not seen as a lesser for it , he is.”

“ Fuck Ada what do i do now?”

“Talk to him about this , after me and Polly find out the truth.Until then keep an eye on him and don’t let him near any loud spaces for a while.Okay?”

Getting from my chair I turn back to Ada.

 “Okay, again thank you Ada”

“No problem ,night Tommy”

“Night”

Going back upstairs , what Ada said to me is bouncing through my mind. So this is part of his Autism,but how can I get him to talk to me about this? How do I convince him this is nothing to be ashamed of ? I can’t do this alone but how could I find a doctor that won’t send him to the colonies?

Fuckin hell

On top of the whole Kimber and guns , I wonder how I am even functioning at this point. Thank god i can finally rest.Reaching my bedroom entering as quietly as possible while going back to bed where I left Cassius. Despite everything that has happened today he looks so at peace, something I envy him for ,as I held him in my arms I vow to myself to never let this happen again,never let him think he has to hide this from me again and to find who on earth would do this. I hope Ada and Polly give them hell. 

☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎☟︎︎︎

2 hours later 

Polly emerges from the door,entering gently so as to not wake anyone up in the early hours of the morning.Just as she was about to approach the stairs she notices a figure in the living room, hunched over drinking. Thinking it was her nephew who was causing a lot of trouble recently her energy returns to speak her mind to him. “Tommy what are playing a-” 

She doesn’t finish her sentence as it is not Tommy but Ada. 

“Ada what are you doing up?” 

“Waiting for you , we need to talk.”

Pulling up a chair Polly sits down preparing for the worst

“What has Tommy done now?”

“Nothing.This is not about Tommy ,it’s about Cassius.”

“What’s happened?”

“Tommy came back freaked out , he was carrying Cassius who was having an episode.Do you have any idea what could’ve caused this?”

“This is important?”

“Yes Polly ,I need to know.”

“Okay Cassius came home with a tattered coat, all he would tell me is that a customer tore it after a petty dispute and his boss docked his wages.”

Ada said nothing , just sat there and took on what Polly said.

“There’s more to this, isn’t there?”

“Tommy thought you had to be hurt to have episodes.”

“ Why on earth would he think that?”

“Because he saw marks on Cassius’s body whilst changing him.”

Polly pauses , as she notices the shift in atmosphere.

“What type of marks Ada?”

“Bruises and a puncture wound , like he had been beaten.”

“Why would he hide this from us Pol?

“We’ve been there for him when he needed us the most, why not tell us about this?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do we ask him?”

“No, we have to find out for ourselves, we don’t want him freaking out anymore than he already has.”

“So where do we start?” 

“You know this boss’s name?”

“Sort of ,I know his secretary Ms Jameson from a dance hall I go to sometimes.”

“Alright, here's what we’re gonna do. We are going to get some rest , god knows we’re gonna need it if we need to get to the bottom of this.I think it’s time we pay that secretary of his a visit don’t you?”

Next Chapter

[cc-detained]

Hey , I'm looking for a merther fic where the whole castle has a rule that merlin is the queen. And the whole castle has to deal with the chaos of merlin and Arthur's arguments thinking it will end in chaos . Merlin thinks its a joke till he gets kidnapped.

[cc-detained]

Hey I need help coming up with 20 funny names to name some trees ( for charity ) , if anyone has any good suggestions ( that are preferably one word long , as the guy has to say each tree name on video ) . Please let me know , any help would be appreciated.

[cc-detained]

Despite My Despair:Chapter 1

Tommy Shelby / Autistic male reader

Word count:3182

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Warning this chapter will contain : graphic descriptions of sensory overload ,a hint of sexism and racism ( literally only one sentence)

This fic is as historically accurate as possible , please consult the author’s notes if there is any confusion or for your own curiosity.

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Fuck.My.Life.

Out of all the days I could have had, why did I have to have this one ?

Walking along the dreary road with each step, the volcano of emotions inside me slowly moved up with the increasing threat of erupting as I pondered back to what happened earlier.

“Why did you have to provoke him!?”

“ It's your job to de-escalate the situation!”

“How could you be this useless !?”

Once I finally approach my home the familiar horseshoe on the door greets me. Despite my inner turmoil , i open the door carefully,not wanting to start something that would only cause regret .Lumbering over to the tiny kitchen. Putting my now torn coat on the back of the chair lowering myself onto it as i slowly my burrowed my into my hands, releasing puffs of angry breath.

“Are you alright Cassius?”

Looking up, Polly stood in the entryway, hands on hips with her face clouded with concern .

“I'm fine Pol , just had a shit day.”

“You want to talk about it?”

“Yes , please.”

“Alright let me get some snacks , something tells me we're going to need the energy.”

Minutes pass as we set the table with biscuits and drinks . When we are done Polly turns over to me :

“So, gonna tell me what’s been bothering you?”

“Basically I was doing my job. The train arrived at the station as usual. I was pulling out a gentleman's bag to be passed on, until I felt a tug on my coat. It was the owner of the bag. The gentleman had only just gone and accused me of stealing it from the steward. When I tried to reason with him saying I was the steward and it was my job , he wouldn't believe me . So when I tried to get the station mistress involved , he pulled me back. Pulled me back so hard my coat ripped as a result it ripped. Eventually the station mistress did get involved afterwards, but now I have to pay for a new coat which is now going to come out of my wages this week. Because apparently according to my boss it was my fault it got ripped.” I felt bad for telling Polly a diluted version of the ordeal, but she wouldn't have let the issue go if she knew the truth . As Polly digests what I just said I think back to what had actually happened:

( 1 hour earlier )

I waited outside Mr Wakefield's office , the old rigidity bench I sat on creaked at the slightest bit of weight on it with my coat draped over my arm , around me the walls were covered in a frog like green paint with bits of paper layered across it . The sound of heels hitting the ground pulled me away from reading what was over there stood Ms.Jameson who wore a professional cyan garb with a matching jacket and shirt , with her fair hair styled in mid length curls and possessed an air of elegance out of place here .

“ Cassius ? Mr Wakefield is ready to see you now .”

I got up from my chair , as I walked towards my bosses’ office the walls became less cluttered the more I walked. When I finally reached his office I was greeted by his fine wooden door adorned with “Andrew Wakefield Head of Birmingham Railways”.

I knocked on the door tentatively which i heard a annoyed “Come in”

I opened the door to see a portly man with thinning black hair and a cigarette hanging out of his mouth .

“ Yes, Sir, you wanted to see me ?”

“ Yeah . I did . I heard about the incident that happened today . Care to explain why you couldn't handle it yourself ?”

“ Well Sir , the customer became violent to the point he tore a part of my uniform as you can see here.” I say I held up my torn coat .

“ So you had to involve poor Mrs Jones because you couldn't handle it yourself?”

“ I mean that is part of her job.”

“Cassius , your job is to handle it, her job is to manage the entire bloody station. Why couldn't you solve it yourself?"

“ Because he started yelling at me and got so close to me I thought he was going to hurt me. How was I meant to solve it?”

“ So you're telling me that my own steward can't do his bloody job cause customer was mean to you !? And you had to drag a woman into this !?” Red started to creep onto his face . I feel a stab of pain . I look down to see him gripping arm so hard his nails are piercing my skin.

“ HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING STUPID!?”Blood starts to trickle down my arms .

“IT'S YOUR JOB TO DE-ESCALATE THE SITUATION YOU FEEBLE MINDED CRETIN !”

“ I BET YOU EVEN PROVOKED HIM DIDN'T YOU?”

“ …we-”

“ DON'T YOU DARE TALK BACK TO ME ! BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING BEHAVIOR , YOUR REPLACEMENT COAT IS COMING OUT OF YOUR NEXT WAGES. NOW ,GET .THE .FUCK . OUT OF MY OFFICE !” He bellows while launching me out of his office leaving me to have the air knocked out of me by the concrete floor.

Coming back to the present, Polly stared at mid-space, contemplating.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“Well…I don't know . I love my job but I hate how I am treated for things I can't help.”

“So why not tell , Tommy ? I bet you would be treated better after your boss has one meeting with him.”

“Because Tommy has enough on his plate as it is and I don't want to add to his stress. After all, he's only now started to let himself heal.” And if Tommy meets Mr Wakefield he might actually kill him and I am NOT going to lose this job as I might get sent off to the colonies .

“Well it sounds like to me you need a distraction.”

“Yeah…THAT would be great.”

“Alright let's relax for a bit before we'll go.”

[ 15 minutes later ]

“Cassius, you ready to go?” Polly asked me as she passed over the last of the biscuits. The fury I once felt now subsided and I could now focus on the tea that I was having . Teatime, like Polly, was important and a break from the chaos outside. She's practically my mother as they both had to take turns to take care of me after me and the Shelby siblings growing up, which is how we grew so close over the years . She was draped in a loose navy blue dress, and a light brown belt cinched around her waist, which was a nice contrast to the grimy bricks .

“I'm not sure ,won't it be too noisy at this time, Pol?” As I reclined back in the wooden chair on the table was strewn with refreshments.

“It's going to be a quiet night .The loudest person there will be Arthur. Plus,Tommy will be there.” She said, knowing I would never turn down any opportunity to see Tommy,especially since I hadn't been able to spend time with him for the past couple of days since he's been swamped with work

“Okay , give me 5 minutes to get ready !” I yelled as I shot up the chair so fast it nearly fell over and raced upstairs to get changed .

“But you look fine !” Polly said exasperated but somewhat amused.

“I want to look amazing when I see Tommy !” I reply as I start to get change in me and Tommy's room which definitely wasn't made for 2 people as it has cramped space and a single bed , although the room wasn't the best looking with its warm yellow wallpaper and the decorations were a strange mix of mismatched mementos the Shelbys collected over the years like horseshoes and a ship hook which came from the boat they used to live in.

When I put on my outfit, I gaze into the mirror to see if it looks alright. Said outfit in question was a navy blue striped shirt which was a good contrast to my light brown skin, light gray trousers with suspenders, as I gave my black hair a quick brush to make it look acceptable . As I adjusted my matching striped pre tied bowtie (which I'm glad no one can make fun of me for ) , when I went back downstairs again on the way down I put on my coat well it's actually Tommy's since I can't wear my torn one , which is woolen charcoal gray , and turned to Polly at the door . Who changed into a ruby red dress with a translucent v neck and puffed up sleeves, and she styled her hair into a somewhat messy side braid .

We linked arms as we went out the door ,walking in sync, talking about whatever, and if Polly had any visions recently . As we approach the Garrison, its dark wood exterior, which at first looks like all the other buildings around, but the warm lights from inside, presents a tempting invitation to those approaching.

When we finally enter the Garrison, we are greeted by its warm, welcoming atmosphere , which contrasts the cold, dreary mood from outside. Its lights highlight all the mahogany furniture and present a relaxed environment . As Polly goes off to talk to Harry , I look around the pub, trying to find where Tommy is . He's looking infuriatingly handsome wearing a white shirt with a detachable collar with black stripes paired with a dark gray woolen waistcoat and black trousers , with his coat hung over his chair which makes his baby blue eyes stand out . Trust Tommy Shelby to look breathtakingly handsome without even trying. We've been together since the war ended, and at the beginning, it was tough . Tommy returned from The Great War; he came back haunted by the horrors of war, the memories of which would attack him at the most unexpected times . It wasn't as bad as it was back then, but a part of me does wonder if he has never left the war, except this one was a one in his mind that has changed him and if there is no way to help him from this torment.

Yet despite this , I try my best to support him with whatever I can whether that is to comfort him after he suffers from the horrors of his mind , create an environment where he feels safe whenever we are alone and make sure he knows he is not alone and can talk about it when he is ready . Whilst he would never get better , but then again, like my condition, this is something I hope he can learn to live with without it cutting him from the inside.

I see him talking with John who is donning a black striped jacket with matching waistcoat and a white shirt with collar like Tommy and a chocolate brown tie and Arthur ,who is adorning a woolen gray coat and waistcoat with a white shirt and the same collar as his brothers which he added a splash of colour with a red tie, to talking about something in the betting shop looking carefree, which he has been like with his family recently.

“ Princely, what are you doing over there ? Come over here !” Tommy said teasingly with a lopsided grin.

I walked over to him to sit on his lap and wrap my arms around him while nuzzling his soft neck.He brings his calloused hands to rub circles in my hair , as he does this i feel all the nerves evaporate from me as I listen to the familiar rhythm of his heart.

“How are you doing, Tomcat?”

“I'm doing great love , for once I didn't want to strangle someone.”

After he says that, he furrows his brows and looks at me concerned:

“Princely, are you alright? What happened to your coat?”

“ Oh I left it at home. I must've picked up yours by accident .”

“ Well, let me take it off of you then it's too hot to wear that in here if that's okay with you.” I nod as I shrug off the coat to give it to him , as he puts it on top of his own coat with one hand so he wouldn't have to move .

“So is there anything else I can do for you?”

“If it's no bother , can you get me a Vimto cordial with water plus some ice in it if you can ?”

“Sure , no problem, I was going to refill my glass anyway. I'll be back in a bit .”

When he returns with the drinks I got back on his lap , as I take a sip of my drink I think he made it himself as it isn't diluted as it normally is . As we drink in comfortable silence , I look around taking in our surroundings when a realisation hits me .

“Wait, where's Arthur and John ?”

“ Oh, they're just in the private booth , doing god knows what.”

“So Tommy, can I ask you something?”

“Yes ,Princely, what is it ?”

“Is it true you rode a horse across the street?”

“Yes, I did . Why do you ask ?”

“Well, I was wondering if you could do that on our next date .”

“...Why ?”

“Because I want to feel like a fairytale prince and be swept up on my feet by a handsome man on horse , and plus we can't get stuck in traffic since a horse isn't technically a vehicle.”

“ Love, I don't think that is legal .”

“Since when did you care about what is legal!?”

He smirks , ready to retort back with something “ Well, Princel-”

“ Um , Tommy?”

We both looked around to see who interrupted Tommy. It was Arthur who was looking sheepish for some reason .

“Yes, Arthur, what is it ?” Tommy said, annoyed that we were interrupted.

“ We need you to come to the private room to talk business.”

“ Which part, Arthur ?”

“Kimber ,Tom . He's being a right prick.”

Tommy signs exasperated “Oh for fuck sake , alright you go in I'll be in there in a bit .” He says whilst carefully pulling me off his lap .

He turns his attention back to me . “Sorry Princely looks like our time has been cut short , do you want me to get someone to escort you home?”

“It's fine Tommy , but I think I would like to stay here for a little while longer then I will go home with Polly when you are done .”

“ Alright but if you need me I will be in the private booth , okay ?”

“Okay , try not to kill anyone .”

“No promises love” He says as he kisses my cheek before he goes.

At first I relaxed in my chair , daydreaming about my next date with Tommy and how to make sure he will be comfortable where it will be , I am interrupted by a loud sound from the door . I snap out of my ponder to see a group of factory men loudly yelling at the barmaid to get drinks. Looking through the window, I see it's dark outside , shit I forgot about keeping track of how much time has passed since Polly must've left already . I can't leave without someone escorting me home as it's not safe for me to go home alone at night in Birmingham, and the pub is starting to get too crowded with people for me to recognise anyone I know .

What the hell do I now ?

Okay I have to get to Tommy but the pub is so full I can't see which room he is in .

As I lean back in my chair, it felt like everything around me was heightened as I could hear bits of every conversation from all the patrons merging together from all sides of the room to form a never ending incoherent mess, the volume of this mess sounds like the roars of thunder each time they spoke, my ears are straining at this combination . My chest starts to feel too tight, everything feels way too , as I feel the oxygen slowly drain from the room the madding rhythm of my heart is telling me I need to go NOW .

I rushed to the bathroom the smell of cleaner and musk hitting me in the face and as I sat on the brown wooden floor which somehow has multiple shades, I leaned against the gray wall or at least I think it is as the yellow light of the bathroom makes it hard to tell. I begin rocking forwards and backwards, thinking that this might give me some comfort from this situation as I feel myself slowly dissociate more and more as this continues .

Why is this not helping !?

I'm in a different room with no people yet despite this I am still feeling like this .

Feeling deeply distressed because of this I started desperately hitting my head repeatedly, hoping that the pain would stop this horror from happening to stop me from processing all these things at once and end this suffocating experience . As I run my fingers through my hair , trying to regain some sort of control and think of what to do best but my mind is still foggy.

Then I hear the sound of the door opening, the loud noises from outside leaking into the room for a couple of seconds into the cold isolated bathroom, and then for some reason a man hovering above me . I can't focus on his face as when I try to look up to see his face the but I can't make it out clearly as the light flickering harshly against my eyes , but from what I can see is that he is white , has brown hair judging by his arms and his white shirt has a beer stain .

“Are you okay, mate?”

He says he doesn't know what to do with me .

He sounds...younger than I thought, like he must be around my age.

At this point , I feel like talking is beyond me. As I feel like I can't even speak . Which in of itself is terrifying . . So I nod instead, not knowing what else to do. He looks confused, but I think he probably thinks I'm high on snow or something.

“Okay then , try not to wreck the place.” He says lightheartedly as he leaves .

When he leaves the contrast between the busy pub and the isolated bathroom , with my only solace being my thoughts but even then I feel them turning against me.

How can anyone help me if no one knows where I am ?

How am I going to get out of here if I can't see the exit through all those people?

Would anyone notice where I've gone ?

Would anyone care ?

I can hear the noise from outside starting to emerge in the room as I can feel it slowly suffocating me , as I can feel my body continuing slowly shutting down . The more time passes, the more overwhelmed I feel as the reality of the situation sits in . Eventually, I can't take it anymore, feeling everything at once but with no way to do anything about it , so I start to lie down on the cold floor as I stare at the ceiling, feeling utterly exhausted but restless at the same time . Hoping that being unconscious would stop the anguish I was feeling, but then the door opens again, and I hear:

"Princely are you there?"

☞︎︎︎NEXT CHAPTER

𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎︎︎𒊹︎

Authors Notes

●Pretied bowties were laughed at in public in the UK at the time. 

●Vimto was invented in 1908 in Manchester 

●Cordial is a temperance (non-alcoholic ) drink originally,  it's a concentrated fruit syrup 

●Ice was accessible to a wide range of people through ice factories in the country from the 1900s , but I couldn't confirm how much this would've cost the average person 

●Stewards was the person who would carry your bags and put them on the carriage 

●Station master / mistress is the person who manages the train station . 

●Feebleminded Cretins was an insult used to describe disabled people of colour this tended to be used in eugenics texts 

●Andrew Wakefield is the name of the man who started the vaccines cause autism movement in the 1990’s to sell his own version of the MRR (Measles , Mumps and Rubella) vaccine 

●Stewards were open to people of colour at the time 

●Colonies were places were disabled adults and children  lived and @worked in the country separate from the rest of the population in remote villages 

Credits ( people I would like to thank):

@gay_AF_satan for writing the fic where I got the term Princely from .Here's the link for it :

@red-write-hand and @rysko for reading previous drafts of this and gimming me good feedback to help me improve this

And finally @raven-phoenix who tirelessly helped me every step of the way and helped me flesh out the chapters and certain scenes .

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Go for it !

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Last song : The Vampire Conspiracy by Oli Frost

Favourite Colour : Dark orange or Navy Blue

Last TV show / film : The Traitors UK ( this season was so intense )

Sweet/Spicy/ Savoury : Savoury , I love salty things .

Last thing I googled : Freddie Thorne ( I was reading a fanfic on here and I forgot what he looked like )

Current thing i am obsessed with : Colossus from X-Men and Edwardian Male Clothing ( for example what the guys wear in the Peaky Blinders )

Last book : X-Force by Benjamin Percy ( 1st hardcover one ) and Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Looking forward to : Moving back home and officially starting my transition

Get to know me/People to know better

thank you so much for tagging me @cosmmicdancer :)

last song: bobby sox by green day, I think

favorite color: yellow or a yellowy orange

last movie/tv show: the OA

sweet/savoury/spicy: I need a perfect balance between sweet and savoury/spicy, because of the tism, but my wife would say its definitely sweet

last thing i googled: bahnstreik 2024 (hello fellow germans)

current obsession: moral panics and everything surrounding them

last book: currently reading stone butch blues

looking forward to: my wife getting their passport and moving in with me after almost 4 years of long distance <3

tags: @leaskisses444, @signforsign, @starsendlessly, and @amarettofemme and @sunkissedbutch, because we recently became mutuals and you seem like darlings :)

(absolutely no pressure to participate )

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Does anyone know any good ways to address someone who goes by she / they ?( like nicknames and terms of endearment ) . I don't really understand it myself but I want to know any cool nicknames I can call her , also the more unique the better . ( for context this is for my Sister )

Thanks in advance for any feedback to those that can help .

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I noticed things are becoming a bit depressing recently, so here is something to cheer us all up . Just because we are suffering doesn't mean we have to give up . Also please show love to this creator when you are done .

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Hello everyone and to anyone on this post who is LGBTQ+ or an ally welcome my name is Cassius . This place is a safe space not for those who wish to spread their hate if you want to attack someone just because of who they are go fuck yourself to hell .

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To all those who keep being hateful towards people on here just because of who they are and who they love , please go fuck yourself to hell you self righteous asshole .

To anyone dealing with these knobheads fell free to vent to me