cdiaryblog-blog

[cdiaryblog-blog]

This won’t go well...

I feel like I’ve been bitten by a zombie. I feel weak, sad, hot, headache, can’t concentrate and my eyes hurt...

So yeah, sleep didn’t seem to help much. Sometimes in the past I’ve felt like I was depressed, but with what’s happened, I bet I really am depressed for sure now...

I said yesterday I was gonna say what happened, but it’s gonna take a while to write all context needed. I’ll try to simplify it as best I can.

I am not a very social person. Been like that since forever. I didn’t have too many friends through my life. Mostly got them from school. Lost contact with them after school ended for me. I wish I had more friends... I wish I had more of a social life... Well, getting back on topic: Three years ago, I started a proyect on Youtube involving a dub of a comic, so I was looking for people who could help me voice the characters in it and I would discuss what to do through Skype. I did find some people, but there was one person in particular that I got friendly with. This person was... well, I guess he still is... Friendly, funny, kinda crazy like me and we started to get along really well. After a while, while having fun chatting about our interests, one thing led to another witch started with us starting a Roleplay. My first roleplay, actually. Or fanfic or whatever it’s called. What I mean is basically in a story taking place in maybe a cartoon or franchise, each of us had control of a number of characters (Canon and Ocs and yeah, even self inserts). Whenever a character in the story had to talk, the person in charge of that character had to write the dialogue in. I’ll call it roleplay from now for convenience. It’s really fun and cool and I was trying something new. I think I might have gotten adicted to roleplaying though... Well, since this was a roleplay that only the two of us participated in and made; we had complete freedom of what to do with it. But since I’ve always appreciated certain ways of telling a story, I wrote my characters with flaws, negative stuff and overall equal importance to all my characters within the story. But my friend eventually started giving more importance to his self insert, making it slowly into a Mary Sue (he actually got mad the times I told him that. He’s sadly very hard-headed.) From the way I was, I didn’t say anything at first, but eventually I had enough and had gotten jealous that my self insert was basically a “side character“ while his being a “Main protagonist“, making him stronger and better in everything. I eventually started doing the same to catch up but he didn’t wait for me. What do I mean by that? Well, I’ll see if I can explain it with an example later on on this post.

Here’s where things get explicit for the purpose of better comprehension of the situation. Adult themes and explicit stuff from here on out. You’ve been warned.

The roleplay contained sex scenes. Of course, my friend’s OC started getting a lot of those while I only had like fucking three next to his twenty. Speaking of witch, most of the characters I was in charge of were female ones and the most on his side were male ones. So I was always relegated to do the female characters getting fucked. It was fun at first but after a while I started getting tired and annoyed by it. It wasn’t fair that I had to be the girl. And he had basically control of only 2 girls. 2 Girls next to my 10 girls... And what’s worse, at the start, if I ever wanted a sex scene with my OC and a female character, but I happened to Control that female character, I was relegated to do the whole scene myself. Witch for me is not fun at all. Eventually I got him to change that and now he borrows the selected female from me so he can control her temporarily, but I had to convince him of it.

But yeah, to make it fair, I told him I wanted my OC to have various sex scenes to catch up with His number of scenes. The problem is, he didn’t want to stop from making me do sex scenes for HIS OC. Really. It’s like for example, if we are both on different elevators, every sex scene makes us go up a floor. Let’s say he had twenty, so now he’s twenty floors higher than me. So what I wanted is to for him to stop having them temporarily until I reached twenty as well. And after i’d reach it, we would do equal amounts to go up floors at relatively the same time. But, with him still doing sex scenes for Himself, he kept going up floors, witch in turn made the whole plan I told him meaningless. As I said before, He didn’t wait for me and left me behind without giving me a chance to catch up. This all happened for the first year and a half. So I was basically getting the short end of the stick for the first year, and had to make different deals with my friend in order to fucking catch up. That is totally unfair. And actually, I still had less then 10 sex scenes in one year. Yeah. I still haven’t had my justice. Also, he didn’t listen to me every time I told him stuff like this. He got mad and I’m pretty sure every time I said something he knew I was right on, he just flat out would stop talking about the situation and wanted to talk about something else. He really is hard-headed. ....Now, don’t get me wrong. He’s a good guy and I’ve had plenty of fun with him. He basically is my best bud. But... (sigh) but damn... I would be lying if I said he didn’t piss me off sometimes... And by the looks of it, I pissed him off too.

What do I mean by that? Well, around the time I “stepped up“, we started arguing a lot about fairness, ideas and general displeasement of stuff implemented into our roleplay, witch I forgot to mention, is one huge story with a determined cast. We’ve been working on it for those three years almost everyday now. Witch is I why I care a lot for it and why I’ve been speaking up about things witch combined with both our hard-headedness, ended us up in arguments. He’s the type of guy who gets riled up easily even when what riled him up didn’t have anything bad or wasn’t even supposed to rile him up.

All this has relevance with what happened yesterday, but there’s still quite a lot to tell. So I think I’ll stop for now and continue to write the rest on another post when I have the time. See ya...

[cdiaryblog-blog]

What a way to start...

Well, hello Tumblr. Here I am. On possibly on one of the worst days of my life. I’m crying until my eyes explode and deep down I think I’m being a big baby. Well, I made this blog thanks to a suggestion from a friend. To help me blow off some steam and get this all out of my chest. Although it can be seen by all people across the internet... but fuck it. I hope someone has atleast something to say about what I post or maybe even help or give advice? I don’t know. Shot in the dark but I don’t give a fuck at the moment.... Well, as I was saying, it was probably one of the worst moments of my life just about half an hour ago. I would like to write it all right now, but it needs quite a lot of context and It’s super late, I’m tired, I have a huge headache, and I maybe indirectly placed my friend in a dangerous position, so I’ll write it down once I get some sleep. Chao.