celestiiialsoul

[celestiiialsoul]

Torn between my past, present, and future. All I ever wanted was this. With you. Moving to a new state, building a home, a life with you. It’s all I ever wanted when I met you.

But now, down the line… and it’s been a long ass line, I don’t know if I can. I see you different. I feel different but still hold the same values and love for you. It breaks my heart trying to make this decision. Because I know, either way, Im going to be sad. I have to let go or live. I’m. Fuckin. Torn.

I wish I could go back to the beginning. I wish I loved myself more. But I’m here now. Trying to make a decision.

I have lived, loved, and lost way too much to be sitting here with all these thoughts. I battle myself every day. Fuck. I wish it can all just stop. For a brief moment, I wish I can sit with it all. But life moves on. People move on. I can’t keep sitting in the same dark hole.

I use to dream about moving to this state, alone tho. And now the opportunity has come. And I am frozen in fear.

What is life.

It’s all worth the struggle tho. Or so I tell myself. Trusting my struggles so they can all be worth something one day.

I’ll get there.

[celestiiialsoul]

[celestiiialsoul]

My sadness went unheard for so long that it’s turned into anger. You lied and broke my heart again. You delete and hide things, again and abandon me, again. Did all the things you said you wouldn’t do, again. I’m at a loss of words and emotions. What am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel? Nothing ever mattered. I never mattered. I am nothing.

[celestiiialsoul]

[celestiiialsoul]

Love isn’t real. Fuck you. Watch me as I do what you do.

[celestiiialsoul]

kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc

[celestiiialsoul]

You made me feel crazy for wanting to be loved like it wasn’t the thing you promised to do.

[celestiiialsoul]

the answer to everything is to go on a walk. feeling sad? go on a walk. upset? go on a walk. happy? go on a walk!! need time by yourself? go on a walk

[celestiiialsoul]

[celestiiialsoul]

𝔊𝔬𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔠 𝔄𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔠 (x)

[celestiiialsoul]

You’ll rewrite it later anyway, so stop staring at the blank page like it owes you money. Just start.

[celestiiialsoul]

The rock can never be loved, at best it’s picked up for its aesthetics and then tossed away.

[celestiiialsoul]

[celestiiialsoul]

I love escapism, I love being away from the cruel world, so I find warmth in small things. Buying chamomile to fall asleep and smell a fragrant floral scent; going to bed with a soft toy, imagining that you are hugging someone; baking pancakes to feel cozy in your small room.

I want my everyday life to be filled with beauty.

[celestiiialsoul]

[celestiiialsoul]

Bro come look at the stars with me I am not feeling like myself

[celestiiialsoul]