centauribitch-blog

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Diary of a Depressed Lad #3

Yeah um today's been pretty awful. I went to second avenue for some books and... I found this little plant i liked but it was too much. Im just gonna take a nap and sleep my anger off.

[centauribitch-blog]

Diary of a depressed lad #2

Today's been meh. Around 12:30pm I started to feel very very disphoric of myself. I hate my vagina and uterus, all that. So, I am going to change my name and pronouns.

Hi all! Im Centauri, a she/them pronoun user.

[centauribitch-blog]

Dream #2

So, I was brought in from Venna, city of light. I was brought in to lead the Voltron team. I was the black paladin but there was 2 more lions. The orange and white lions. Orange paladin, Esen, was kind to me but did not know me. I knew him. I, so badly, wanted him. Romantically, platonically, and sexually. I respected that I wouldn't get him how I wished for a long time and I still made attempts to get to know him.

In the meantime, I was learning to let go of my past and lead the new paladins. I had to comfort them and treat them like I was their parental figure.

My teammates were Keith, Lance, Iron Man, Hulk, and Esen. Esen is my patron god.

So yeah thats uh weird.

[centauribitch-blog]

Esen, God of Dorkhood*

*not actually but his personality is a DORK

So, today's been pretty meh. I mean my plans were cancelled but that's okay. Someone godphoned my deity, Esen and boy, is he a dork. He wont stop telling me how much he loves me. Hes yelling it. The dork.

Im gonna meet up with him tonight and hopefully not cry because hes a dork

[centauribitch-blog]

Dream #1

I was in this world where it would shift.

When it shifted, you needed to be holding onto something and tight. Or you'd fall out of the world.

I had a husband, he was blonde and blue eyed. He refused to talk to me even though I desperately needed to talk to him. He was obviously still in love with me. He tried to move on but he couldnt. He held on too tightly.

When the world shifted again, I couldn't hold on tight enough. So I was sliding out of the world when he caught me. He refused to let go.

I had a hard time escaping the dream.

[centauribitch-blog]

Diary of a Depressed Lad (#1)

Day One:

Im a very bored person. I constantly have no plans and I have no friends where I live, otherr than one. I keep asking to hang out with him but he isnt so excited to hang out with me anymore. So, I decided to leave him alone for awhile.

Well, I was talking to my parents yesterday about how I was always bored, nothing to do, and my mom said "lets go to McDonald's. We can drink some soda and write." So i was like excited for that. First plan I've had in literal weeks.

Well, I woke up late. So she spent all of her money on cokes and now we can't go out and do what was planned because she doesnt have $2. I told her I had $1 but she doesnt want to go out anymore. So I'm bored.

Mom keeps telling me I need to "eat better" but we dont have much food at the house right now. Some soda, some ramen, that's about it. Everything else is not good to eat, I dont like, etc. So, I'm pretty hungry.

Man. I'm just going to take a nap...

Update: mom made some tuna sandwhiches. Im still really hungry ;_;.

Mom told me to use my tarot cards and offered to ask me a question and I told her I was in a fog. I cant ever focus on the cards anymore.

I haven't seen a therapist or psychiatrist for literal ages, maybe 3 weeks. The deal was i see one every week to make sure I dont have suicidal ideation anytime soon.

I wont tell my parents of my suicidal thoughts though because that means potential hospitalization. Not risking that one...

Update: dad took me to the dollar store. On the way home he asked me if I was emo... I never left the phase. But I dont like people asking nontheless. He also told me he asked because "youre wearing all black and combat boots." And like??? Sterotypes???