chalk-prnce

[chalk-prnce]

hot take i hate mfs who say "and the world kept spinning" to any issue someone gets mad at like can we use our fucking heads for once🙏

like yes, the world keeps spinning no matter what happens actually, even if a fucking atomic BOMB hits europe and america, it actually does keep spinning but its still KILLED EVERYONE??

like ok maybe thats a bit of a stretch but if u see smth that can actually be fucked up but it doesnt rlly affect u, that doesnt mean u get to play ignorant and say the corniest thing on earth☠️ no one told you to start pissing and shitting the floor over it, but you should still care if ur not a fucking freak

rant over

[chalk-prnce]

All I am is a man.

word count: 3,759 words

Lucifer experiences what the classic late night time is in England.

hello, hi! it's me and my annual upload. don't worry, i've not abandoned danganronpa, but this one was just more in the forefront of my mind. plus i'm hungry, and im british (sorry), so take my solutions.

00:43PM

He's not entirely sure how he got here.

Lucifer Morningstar; the Great Lightbringer, the Tempter, The Prince of The Power of The Air (yes, he was also called that. Somewhere...).

But he imagined that when he was finally able to come to Earth, it would be more poetic: he'd fall on a Church, and he'd run into some priest or nun, and philosophise about how the capricious winds feel so alive tonight, the pretty rays of sunshine that never reached Lucifer in Hell, the grass' greenliness- or more so the concrete's grey-scaled demeanor. The sudden industrialisation of Earth frightened him a bit.

This didn't happen though, which was what truly made him feel so existential tonight. He felt so suddenly small and insignificant- not in the way that made him seem unworthy, but in the way that he recognised that he was so close to being human in this moment, he could blend into a group of people and not be picked out for any strange features of his.

He had built new walls of a new person. No longer was his ostentation a barefaced flaunt of red and gold-trimmed silks and top hats that screamed the average 1900's capitalist (despite his lack of input into the economy). You could even say he looked... humble. His pride has never felt so small.

But he didn't hate it. No, in fact, he was intrigued. As he looked down, woolly gloves covered the blackened skin of his hands, and the forearms were already covered by the dark-grey fleece jacket given to him. His red cheeks weren't visible under the cashmere scarf, and the paleness of his skin was easy to miss under the dismal dusk. He looked human.

Of course, he didn't have his top hat. That got replaced with a "beanie". That's the one thing he sneered a bit at when it was handed to him.

Looking away from his hands, he looks from the concrete, to the pair of feet next to him, synchronised with his own gait.

"You've gone all quiet- you that hungry?"

You're a weird one, he thought. Shouldn't you feel a bit more afraid at being with him? He is the Devil, although when you had told him about how people depicted him in movies and such, it wasn't much of a surprise that you'd be underwhelmed. You say you're not underwhelmed, but Lucifer doubts you. But you're more stubborn than his own daughter, so he doesn't say it aloud to you anymore.

You told him you were fascinated with him like someone who had just heard a glimpse of an old friend. He expected you to have said something more like a historian who wanted to tap Eurydice on the shoulder. Or a adult who found an old toy they played with as a kid.

"Ah- yes. I've always wanted to see the culinary of the world. We don't have much um, culture where I'm from."

It feels weird to say he comes from Hell. You already know that fact, but something in him wants to stay in this moment of time. Where he feels insignificant. Where he feels... average.Common.

"Pssh- well, we aren't in London, so we aren't gonna get much of "culture" here. But! You do get great kebabs in every town of England."

00:54PM

It feels like a big joke that the first thing the King of Hell eats on Earth will be from a trailer.

You both stand outside the trailer, hands in pockets. He narrows his eyes in confusion and you only sigh like it's an old dream.

"Kebab.. that's.. Turkish, right?" He turns to you, your hungry and dreamy smile still plastered on you as you both look at the menu.

"Ehh. Well, it supposedly originates from Turkey when warriors and armies would grill fresh hunts on swords over open field fires, hence that." You point inside of the trailer, where the smoky aroma originated over the skewered meats and vegetables.

Lucifer looked over at it with wide eyes and a sudden growl in his stomach. "Ah.. I see. But- "supposedly"? Is this one of your "maybe, maybe not" things you humans pull?"

That got a laugh from you, and he feels his pride swell in a way it hadn't before. It wasn't the way that makes him want to show off, wanting to demonstrate his superiority- it was in a way that made him feel appreciated. At that moment, pride doesn't feel like a sin.

"Yeaaahh, kinda. Whilst it's evident in a Turkish script in 1377, it was also first mentioned in texts from the 9th Century AD. Persian Empire, I'm pretty sure, and it's a bit more credible since "kabab" means "to fry" in Persian."

You both stared at the menu for a while, Lucifer feeling a bit puzzled, but he settled for-

"Chicken Shawarma wrap?" He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes to look at the ingredients underneath.

"Oohh.. that looks good. The portions are pretty big though, you sure you can handle that?" There was a teasing glint in your eyes as you looked at the option he chose. Chicken, garlic, lettuce, onions all wrapped in a flatbread.

"Haha. I'm not sure where everyone gets the guts to tease me for my height. Especially you- you're what, an inch taller?"

"Mm, no. Two inches, sorry." You snicker as you make up your mind on your own choice. "Want any drinks? Desserts? We can eat those later."

"Well yes, we were going to eat everything later anyways." He's a bit huffy now. Poor guy. Fell over 1000 miles from Heaven, and still can't grow 2 more inches. You know what they say, those 2 inches go somewhere els-

"What? No, the whole point of eating kebab is to eat it outside. The novelty of sitting on the curb and eating out of the wrapping is something I'm surprised Hell doesn't have."

You're more than weird at this point, he thought, you're outright insane. He's not snobby. At least not too snobby. But sitting on the cold concrete and eating out of paper and boxes? When you have perfectly good plates at home? Oh, you're going to hear an earful from him now!

"...Weird. But okay."

His inner turmoil resolves this the way you seemed to do. It's such a non-issue, that he can't help but laugh a bit and keep moving.

01:01AM

You both get to the window of the trailer, a man with black hair wrapped into a bun and some glasses on stares you two down with an expecting stare. Lucifer suddenly feels awkward. You only smile.

"What can I get you?"

"We'll have 2 chicken shawarma wraps, a can of coke and- do you want fanta? I feel like you're a fanta guy." You turn to him, wallet in hand.

"What flavour is it?"

"Fanta."

"What in the unholy-hell is fanta flavour?!"

"Uh.. fanta. I don't know what you want me to sa-"

"It's orange flavoured. Stop being difficult." The man swats you on the head with a paper.

"Hey, don't treat your regulars like that." You grumble at the black-haired man who only stifles a chuckle and waits for Lucifer, all sighing and shaking his head at you.

"I'll get the fanta."

"He will get the fanta!" You cheered quietly, jazz hands and all as you meet his gaze. You both stare with the mirth of the banter from before, glinting in each other's eyes.

The man holds out the card reader, and you quickly tap your card onto it and wait for the beep and the sink of your bank account. This is worth it, you thought.

You both back away to the side as you wait in the wind. It's less like a breeze and more like cold air that sits and sometimes dances on you. It's refreshing, especially for Lucifer, the one who had been trapped in Hell's brimstone ever since it's creation.

"Y'know, I never thought the Devil would be blond."

The blond raises a brow at you, a confused smirk on him as he hums back, "Why's that?"

"That one painting of you- you look ginger." He watches you snicker as you pull out your phone to show him, and indeed, he looks ginger.

"....Never. In my life. Will. I. Be. Ginger."

You can't help but laugh, holding his shoulders as you double over a bit.

"Yeah- it was either that or you were like- Bad Omens version." Lucifer sighs at your reference.

"I don't get it."

"Of course you don't, you're uncultured. Here." And when you show him, he gapes. Then closes his mouth when he looks again.

"..That's Satan." You blink at him and tilt your head.

"Isn't that the same thing?" Your voice wavers, caught off guard at the revelation. He shakes his head, backing away to clear his throat.

"Well, not for us, at least. In theory, I don't really exist as Lucifer at all. I should be called Satan. Isiah 14:12 is where "Lucifer" comes from, but it's actually meant as a descriptive term, rather than a name. Lucifer means morning star."

You watch his face contort into something sombre and longing, and you hear his voice grow tired and distracted. It's painful, it's like seeing an orphan reminisce on their family; it basically was that.

In a cartoon, you'd probably see him kick the dirt, hands in his pockets as he looks up at where Heaven should be.

You hope you don't see him cry tonight.

"...I was going to be called Alex, but my parents got put off by it because their friends' cat was called Alex."

It's a fact-drop strange enough to break Lucifer's trance, and he just stares at you. There's a smile growing in his chest and he feels something akin to a laugh bubbling in him.

"Will you stab me if I call you Alex?"

"Will you send me to Hell if I call you short again?"

Mutual agreement ties you both to the synchronised action of nodding and giggling, before looking over at the man again to check the status of your food. He seems to be putting it into the small styrofoam boxes.

"God, that looks great." You sigh, taking Lucifer's hand and walking back over to the window. You both take your wraps, and you're able to stuff the cans in each other's pocket, so Lucifer held your coke, and you held his fanta.

"Do we select the suitable curb to sit on now?" Lucifer hums to you, staring down at the food, and yep, he's in Heaven. Seriously, the food here already smells so much better than Hell's fast food. Take-out had never looked so appetizing.

"Indeed we do, shall we?"

You hold out your arm to the shorter man, and you take about 10 steps before sitting on the curb that faces out to more open stores (mostly vape stores, and off-license stores), and slowly settle down onto it.

It's a sigh of relief for your legs to feel the state of rest finally. You look over at Lucifer and you can't help but smirk a bit as he stares at the wrap like it's some relic.

You lean into his ear and whisper, "You're supposed to eat that, y'know, not gawk."

"I'm getting to it, don't rush me." The Devil swats you away, a flush arising at the proximity you had put him in for those few seconds before he finally lifts it up to his mouth and bites into it, and...

"Holy shit- I've been missing THIS my entire life?!" Lucifer practically shrieks, overwhelmed by every taste bud in his tongue blossoming. It makes you grin. You find the glitter and jitter of a poor man finding gold in his eyes. It's beautiful.

"I'm surprised you haven't tried this before. You said there are a lot of restaurants in Hell."

"Yes well, nothing so nicely done. It's more of a one or the other situation. Gourmet 5-course meals or fast food with a bit of brains and blood. I may be the Devil but.. I'm not accustomed to dining on demon viscera." Lucifer sighed, almost enraptured by every bite, small bits of lettuce and garlic sauce garnering at the corners of his mouth. It's so messy that you can't help but stop and stare. Again, it's beautiful.

"Ah, well. Different strokes for different folks, no?" You shrug, deftly gripping the wrap in it's foil and began to bite. Less mess is made on your lap and face, seeing as this isn't your first rodeo.

The saying you mumbled out makes Lucifer laugh though, at the cost of him having to cover up his smile as he keels over to make sure he doesn't choke as the laugh controls his lungs for a moment. At that point, the action makes his knees spread open to allow him to double over, and your legs are now touching. It's hard not to move in closer so your sides will be completely attached- but tonight is not about restraint. So you allow your free hand to slowly push your weight up and over to the small space that separates you two.

And Lucifer most certainly notices this, his yellow sclera disappear entirely, his red irises dilating to take in the sudden shift. Slow breathing. He needs to stay calm, because this could be just something trivial and insignificant. Like him, the moment before; suddenly he feels a lot of like the only person in the world in your striking gaze.

But he clears his throat and smirks, "Getting comfy or are you just cold?" It's a relief that comes to you, thankfully, that he breaks that sudden tension build.

"Well, you're from fire and brimstone, so surely you're the hottest thing here?" An intentional innuendo, carefully placed in such a reckless manner, one that makes him widen his eyes again and laugh.

"Well I-" Oh god, he doesn't know what to say. He hasn't been at the centre of genuine affections in a while, and whilst this may be a far reach, it still counts for him. He straights out his jacket and rearranges the beanie on his head to distract himself from his words.

"I'm not the warmest thing down there actually. There are actual entities made of fire, and if you stuck us in a room together I would be the first to boil probably."

Taking another bite, he looks down and lets the air cool him down. With the air, it carries your giggles as you sigh and look down at the small amount of wrap you have left.

"I'm not too sure how I'd react if I see a man made of fire." You take one more bite and swallow it down, the gulp heavy in your system, because god you can feel the warmth radiate from him. It's a temptation, and nonetheless, of the Devil. But it's not carnal, it's not clothes-ripping and squelching of skin. It's also not romantic. He doesn't feel like this is romantic. But you both don't feel like it's truly platonic either.

It's a connection that's beginning to run deeper than the funny labels of romance and friendship. A soul-tie, maybe. But putting a label on it at all feels stupid.

Does he want to kiss you?

He looks over at you, and he sees you balling up the wrapper and box, head turning and twisting to find a bin until you spot the one not too far ahead. He notices the furrowed brows, the almost rugged yet well-kept hair that floats about your head. You're pretty. You're handsome- gorgeous, even. You have to be an angel, but you're only human, and it's almost like it makes more sense for you to be human. No other attachments- you aren't a royal of any kingdom, you don't have demon blood, you're not a sinner but also no saint. You're someone that to anyone else wouldn't catch the Devil's eye.

And yet, he wants to kiss you. Maybe even in such an action he could capture the strange tie he felt with your heart and mind. He does in fact want to hold your head in his lap, and cherish you like an heirloom. He thinks of you like some shooting star that he wants to wish on.

"Wait- check this out." You interrupt his thoughts mid-bite of his now finished wrap, him mirroring your prior actions and balling the box and wrapper up as he watched you.

You narrow your eyes, lean in like a warrior easy to strike. One arm is held out horizontal to the bin and the other arm is behind your head, wrapper in hand as you take aim and-

"That was horrific." Lucifer chortles out, pointing at the complete miss of your throw- the ball now floating off a metre away from the bin.

"What?! No- Gimme yours." You hold out your hand, and he plants it in your palm without missing the way you brush each other's skin and feel the simultaneous shiver.

You mirror his actions from before too, clearing your throat to break your entranced gaze on him and aim for the bin again.

"Hah! See I did it-" You turn to look at Lucifer, but his index and middle finger catch your eye, glowing with golden aureate rays.

"Did you now?"

The ball comes back to plop you in the head, the same aura around it.

"Wow, so you're a bully then? Is this what my lasting opinion of you will be forever? The King of Hell is a bully." You glare at him, amused even at the tease. The ends of your lips curl a bit, wanting to smile and giggle. And you do.

"Awe, poor you. Should we go tell a trusted adult about this?" Lucifer snickers back at you, grabbing the balls and throwing them perfectly back into the bin.

"You're horrible, y'know that?"

You both laugh and find the ability to hold each other with arms around one-another's shoulders. Lucifer can't remember when he last felt the air push out of him and leave him so full with joy and thrill. You can't either, although, when you think about it, you're always laughing at something.

02:00AM

It's been about an hour you've stayed out together tonight. It's still at a temperature that makes you bristle with the air, but it falls flat against your main line of defence: Lucifer's arm and shoulder.

You both found it in each other to open up to more touches, an arm wrapped around his torso an arm around your shoulder. You've leant your head on his shoulder and his on your head. Kind of.

"It's getting' colder. Should we go?"

"Yeahhh..." But you've not moved, if anything your grip gets tighter and you sigh like you've landed in a pile of clouds. In your opinion, you have.

"That was good shawarma." Lucifer finally hums out, eyes closed to focus on the homely scent of your shampoo. Lavender? Maybe a bit of lemon-grass. Either way, he buries his face into the top of your head, like you would to your pet cat.

"Yeah- honestly, anything with garlic has a grip on me."

"Looks like you have a grip on me too." Lucifer notes, eyes flicking to how your fingers curl into the jacket you gave him.

"Problem?"

"Not at all. In fact I don't think I've felt so alive in ages. Maybe it's because I live in Hell."

"Probably. But either way, I'm glad you came.. up here? You're... amazing."

Lucifer closes his eyes tightly to stop his heart beating so hard, because you are so close to it that you run the risk of hearing it. And even more so, he worries that you will rip it out and run away with it.

"I think you're amazing too."

"You don't have to go back down yet, do you?"

His foot taps on the faded-black tarmac, a sigh leaving him.

"We don't have to think about that yet." His grip tightens with yours, and you can feel the distinct planting of lips on your forehead.

"I suppose so. But, do you think we could at least do this again? We can go try other things on the menu, maybe even venture out."

The blonde's brow quirks up, "What kind of adventures do you plan for us then?"

You finally sit up, and you both feel the burning feeling of the cold hitting the warm spots. You also feel the sizzling of each other's touch that you wanted to retreat back into.

"Well, London is about an hour and a bit away. It's pretty at night. Plus, I've always wanted to go with a friend." Friend. It feels nice to have a friend- but it feels wrong to say that that is all you want from this. You don't know if you'd ever call him your boyfriend. "Lover" feels a bit more alike it, but even that feels strange.

"Other half", maybe?

"London.. I'd quite like to see that."

"Then it's settled. How about, next week? I take you to London, anytime you appear to me next week, and you stay until the next morning."

"The next morning? Greedy, aren't you?"

You both stand and begin to wipe off the crumbs and debris of the pavement.

"Maybe I am, does that mean I'm gonna go to Hell now?" He watches you slowly back away, careless of if you hit anything, hands in pockets and he's sure your balance will throw you off. But it doesn't, and your smirk is all that he sees.

"Oh yes, it is. In fact, I think when I go back, I might have to warn everyone of your sins. Horrifying, truly." He returns the smirk, planted in his own place as you fish out your keys.

"Make sure you put up wanted posters of me. I want the prize to get me to be worth a tower of gold."

"Okay, now you're greedy." Lucifer laughs, the clinking of your keys around your finger not stopping him from taking one last look at you. You've stopped backing away, and you watch as his hand twirls out with a cane, a carmine-red apple adorned on it. Gleaming, gold aureate arms reach out from his cane, beginning to encase him.

"Only for you."

His eyes shoot out in wide shapes, and just before he can ask and demand what you mean- he's back in his workshop.

03:00AM

[chalk-prnce]

I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!! and so real.

You sure we're out of their sight?

in which you can't admit that you like komaeda, let alone liking a boy. warnings ; internalised homophobia, breakdowns male reader x komaeda nagito

im so sorry for never posting! i forgot all about this account and focussed on my ao3 account! but im here now so, enjoy that "Car lights" fanfic i promised but a different title.

The sun had already set, a premature twilight settling over the horizon as you stared out with the entire universe on your shoulders. Perhaps you should be more glad to get away from the city for a bit, even if you were only about 20 minutes away. Your friends proposed to all go out tonight, but you refused. You can't function properly if you don't figure yourself out and quick.

Sand crunched under your shoes as you breathed a hissing intake of air- it wasn't the best day for you today. You had drove to the nearest sea shore after a long day of battling your own disgust to something you'd rather not name. Even labelling it was shameful but tempting. If you say it aloud, usually it confirms it in your mind. For example- saying how much you love watching shitty sitcoms that you found hilarious when you were about 10 at the age of 17 going on 18 kind of seals the deal on it. A verbal contract- a shameful confirmation. 

Your tank was about one fifth filled up, and you were running on fumes of hope that it would still be able to take you to the nearest gas station after you're finished brooding. Even after being here for what felt like days, you still hadn't been able to figure yourself out. What are you really even freaking out over? What is your problem? Your dilemma? 

Komaeda Nagito. 

About a couple months ago, you two had met in the library on not the most friendly terms. However over time, you somehow managed to look past it and you two kept coming back to that same spot in the same library. 

"..Pride and Prejudice.." The ivory boy mumbled, sitting beside you as he leaned against his elbow on the table. "..You've truly never read this before? It's such a famous piece of literary artwork. One of the most famous actually.. Makes sense that someone so painfully average like you wouldn't know that."

He talks so much to you for someone who despises the very precense of the Reserve Course. "...Shut up, of course I knew about it- I just never found it interesting so I blew off reading it." 

You both scoff at eachother before sliding the book into the middle of the table and read it together, pointing out small bits of the book every now and then. 

"..I'd never fall for someone like Mr Darcy.. So cold.. so cruel. Even for money- seriously! That'd fuck me up." 

"..Well- I'd assume you wouldn't fall for someone like him- he's a boy." He let out a small laugh through his sentence- pushing you out of your thoughts. You couldn't believe you let that slip. 

"Right- nah, I'm just saying y'know. If I was a girl and liked guys, I'd never choose him." A slight awkward silence ensues after that awful slip up from you. It's only after a whole chapter does Komaeda begin to speak again.

"Would you though?"

"Would I what?"

"..You know, date a boy?"

You fiddle with the corner of the pages, sucking on your teeth before breathing out a small string of words. "..Relationships are tiring." Is all you can pull out from your mouth before going back to reading. It was an nice way of getting out of the topic. You could've easily said no- but for some reason you remained vague. 

"..That's not answering my question. Are you seriously that incompetent?" He sneered before leaning his hand on the seat of your chair, his head lulled to the side of both of you. "..Don't answer that actually, I know you are that incompetent." It was hard to tell in that moment if Komaeda was against the idea of homosexuality or not- he was always mixed signals. You open your mouth to say something; but now he was much closer, you could feel that sultry voice vibrate down your ears, and so you close your mouth and stay silent. 

"..You've gone quiet. Are you truly that stumped by my question?" He hummed, chills now digging it's needles into your back. "..I suppose it is quite the hard question, even for an Ultimate it could stump them." That's a weird thing to say, especially from the suspicious implications. 

"..You talk too much. Just keep reading." Is all you breathe out before you flip the page over and Komaeda shifts back away from your chair. The moment ends.

But it wasn't even the fact that he was in a much higher position than you- a high standing pedestal than your excuse for being a "symbol".  Perhaps you're over reacting about the wrong thing. Komaeda had a reputation for despising all reserve course's to the core. A more filthier piece of trash than him (if that was possible in his mind.) The purest scum of the Earth. You should be running for life, and you would if you were in the most rational state of mind. But you're quite obviously not. He's going to eat you alive but god you wonder how it'd be if you did so first. Laying back onto the hood of your car, you shriek out a loud groan and grip at your hair in frustration. You don't know exactly why you're so stressed over him, someone who's merely a friend. Barely, actually- more like civil accquantainces who had common interests and that was all. He despised being seen in public with you; if his classmates ever walked into the library whilst you two were there, he would quickly but quietly shuffle to another nearby table. 

In the earlier months of your accquantainceship, you would've scoffed and insulted him after they left. But now, you simply look at them crowd around as they ask how Komaeda is before leaving. You felt like a frog amongst swans, something so dirty and unfitting to be with.

Silver glints of the moon fracture over the tides, the serene scenery surrounding you was ethereal, a song for the eyes. You've been here for about 5 hours, sitting in different positions all whilst rubbing your temples or banging your forehead onto your knees. It's getting harder to ignore this, to ignore him. Why are you here? You want to go home, but it feels like an obligation to stay and sort this out before you begin to lose your head. You'd honestly rather cut off your wings so that you can not fly into the sun but rather fall into the mighty blue beasts teeth than confront these ghastly thoughts of yours. Komaeda, Komaeda, Komaeda. You've never felt more stress over a name such as his. You should be cast to the wolves for these thoughts. But what thoughts? Your head does not contain blasphemies and your mouth has not committed any heresies. So why are you so troubled? Perhaps you do know, but if you even dare mention it you'd finally commit said heresy you so very feared. You can't say it. You won't dare think it. You refuse. You won't do it. 

But you can't stop- you've already done it. You imagine how perfectly your arms would fit around him, how easily your hands could mold together and your eyes would easily find the pearls of the deep dark in eachother's irises, how wonderfully your lips would fit like a jigsaw. 

You can't remember exactly how you became enamoured by him. Perhaps it was when you accidentally let your stare linger longer than you intended. That day, Komaeda brought in a book that you could only find via an online bookstore due to it being quite a strange piece. Turns out, he was absolutely infatuated with it, and rambling about it came easy to him.

"..The Book Of Disquiet is quite the interesting read- it was never finished, but it's easy to get how the book ends. The heteronyms that Pessoa created for it was intentionally made to be...boring. I've done alot of research on him- he really delves into the whole "Terrible Paradox of Self Awareness" topic- noting to the reader that writing and doing and saying is all completely meaningless yet continues to write, do and say things." The Lucky Student trails off, flicking back and forth to pages of his notes page he did on the portugese author, explaining and going through each little bit. 

You absorbed it in like a sponge- his voice was calming and his eyes were soft as he looked at the pages like it was a puppy. His hair was falling perfectly down his face and spilling onto his shoulders, his eyes shining with a glimmer you've only seen in the stars. Komaeda's beauty could never be put to justice through photos. Not even paintings could immortalise his visage- a night sky within his eyes and the sun within his soul. It was as if you were in an trance. There was a subtle breeze in your imagination as you stared- that was until you realised that was because Komaeda was waving his hand infront of your face.

"..Hello? Are you alright?" That was a first. He doesn't ask that often. "..You seem pretty out of it. It is quite warm in here.."

"..No. I'm fine. Keep reading." And the moment ends.

In your dreams, you described it as simple infatuation, but in reality it was not as airy and feather-light as that. In your nightmares, you described it as a deadly desire, but in reality it was not as short-lived and capricious as that. But to call it anything else in your own conscious mind? You'd rather be ripped from your organs.

But you don't want to keep thinking about it. You don't think you can do it any longer in this swealtering heat of the night. It was humid, but it barely felt like any air was being circulated around the Earth. One last sigh leaves you before you get up from your indented place in the sand and wander off to your car. It was an alright car, not the best and it was used by alot of past owners but it was the best you could get at your age. You pull out your keys and make sure to shake and jingle them a bit just so you can hear the clacking against them, hoping it'd snap you out of whatever this was. Opening the door and slamming it once you're inside, you push your keys into the engine and twist. Your car moans and groans several times, and you could've sworn you felt your heart shoot down to your gut. Your repeated attempts to twist your keys and turn on the engine are almost ridiculed by the curdling screams of the exhaust. Oh, come on. How did this happen? You take great care of your car! Not a single scrape or dent or even a mere collision with any other vehicle. What happened?

Ah. Right. Your tank- it was only one fifth full. Shit.

Well, now you're stuck at this beach with more rocks than grains of sand. His luck is rubbing off on you. Great, there you go again! You always just have to find some way to mention his name even in the most dire situations. What's wrong with you? A loud bang clanks against the hood of your car from the hail that was now pouring down, mocking you as you replicate those bangs onto your steering wheel from your forehead. Atleast you had shelter from it. But you had no money to call a repair work, and almost all of your friends were out for tonight. Oh, but who else is in your contacts that IS free? 

Komaeda Nagito.

You fully groan at his name, your hands dragging the skin of your face up and down. Do you really have to resort to this? It's either him or you stay in the hail with your car as shelter on a school night. God, and who knows how many assignments you probably have to do right now? You feel like crying. You end up crying. 

Hot blobs of salt run down your cheeks as you feel the overwhelming sense of dread. Nothing was going right for you today, nothing at all. Your bones feel heavy in your skin, your eyes straining to keep up with the amount of tears leaving you. Your car has no gas, it's hailing loudly and you're caught between the tides of pain and rapture as you stare at his contact on your phone. You hadn't even figured out the reason of why you are here. Maybe that's for the best. It'd be more awkward to face Komaeda if you had figured it out- but does that mean you most likely know what's wrong with you then? Are you in denial?

"...Hello?" His gravally voice seeps through the audio output.

"..Komaeda, can you come pick me up? My car broke down at the beach- I can't get home and I have no money to call repair services." Your voice is cracking and crumbling as you call, your hands occupied with either your phone or holding the wheel. All you hear is a groan that interrupts a 5 second silence. "..Please- after this I'll never call again, I promise-" All you hear is a beep. He hung up. What did you expect? Why would he ever come and help someone as pathetic as you?

You fall back into your seat, hands dragging your face again before you grumble to yourself under your breath. Why do you care so much? His attention burns your skin and his precense warms your nerves. You could practically melt at the thought of him. This isn't right. It just isn't right at all. It's disgusting, it should be illegal to feel like this for another man. You feel ashamed like you've committed murder. Being burnt at the stake would be a worthy punishment for this. Oh but the more you deny and refute this, refute him, the more you can't push these feelings down. It's all you're thinking about. 

So now you're stuck here and potentially broken what little bit of friendship you had with Komaeda. Great work. Aren't you just the most intelligent man alive? 

You huff it out in large and saltier blobs of misery, soon letting your exhausted eyes fall heavy. You're sitting in your car, hail now slowing as you drift off into probably one of the modt uncomfortable positions possible. In your dreams you envision a timeline where perhaps one of you were a girl instead, and loving eachother wouldn't need to be so compromising. Or perhaps a timeline where loving another boy wouldn't be compromising.

Soon enough, you're awoken by loud thuds and thumps against your window, you can barely make out what it is banging your window due to how much more the rain was pouring down now. A loud groan leaves your throat before you roll down the window, and your eyes finally open fully. That frizzy tuff of white cotten, now flattened by the rain is all too familiar for you. You stare at it. But not at his eyes.

Komaeda Nagito.

You both stare at eachother, stoic yet painful words were folded into the corners of eachother's eyes. It's been about 10 seconds you've been staring at eachother through your car window.

"..."

"..You truly are so incompetent, aren't you?"

What?

"..Driving all this way and you didn't even think to fill up your tank. On top of that, you call me of all people to solve this pathetic problem of yours and you're not even going to say a thing to me when I arrive."

He came here? But he hung up?

"..Are you blind? Are you deaf? Hello??" Komaeda sneers at you, grimacing at you. It's hard to see eachother through the rain.

"...you came."

He shuts up at that, and despite the rain, you can see his eyes soften. "..I did. You called me, you sounded.. stressed. So I came." But why?

"..I don't why I did. It was like I needed to. It doesn't make sense." He sighs before looking away. You narrow your eyes slightly, softening them too before you get out of your car and closing the door behind you, leaning against the soaked metal.

At this point, the only source of light came from your car lights, blaring from it's home to display all the droplets of rain that passed it. "..What happened?" His voice was quieter than quiet. Despite the rain being louder, you could only hear him. "..You don't usually go out so late. I thought your friends invited you out?"

"..You paid attention to that?" He nods. "I just needed to figure something out." He hums.

"..Well, have you?" You shake your head.

"..Maybe I can help. What is it you're troubling yourself with?" You huff.

Both of you wander over to the hood of your car, sitting ontop of it. "I can't tell you. I'd honestly rather die than do so. You'd rip me to shreds."

"What? Are you striving to become an Ultimate or something? It couldn't be that bad." You scoff and lay back onto your hood.

"..Remember that conversation we had a couple weeks back? You asked if I'd ever.."

"..Date a boy?" You nod. "..What about it?"

It takes a lot of courage to continue this conversation. "..What would.. what do you- think? Would you ever date one?" He shrugs. "Probably. Why? What does this have to do with anything?" How dense can someone be?

But that gives you a little something. He might. 

"..Put two and two together you fucking moron." At this point, you're getting tired of running away. Your feet are calloused with how much you've ran away from this problem of yours. You need to decide it now.

You glance over at his face and you see no malice in his visage. Perhaps he isn't here to taunt you. He's probably trying to understand what you meant. "..Ah." Is all he says before laying back onto the hood with you. "Whatever you decide for that, despite how..painfully filthy you are... I'll support you." 

He heaves alot during that sentence. Maybe it's due to the rain or maybe it just took too much out of him to try to be nice to you. You both look up, squinting through the rain. "..How long have you been out here?"

"..About.. 8 hours..? I don't know. I needed to find some space." Komaeda hums in agreement as he combs his strands back. "Fair enough. But you might catch a cold." That's new. "Since when did you care, Main course?" You could just about hear the small chuckle under his breath.

This all felt like some strange peace treaty between you two. It was no longer insults but rather it felt like light-hearted jokes. Like you two had known each other forever. "Would you rather me let you out to die from pneumonia?" You laugh and shake your head. Your laughter simmers down and you both look at each other, you hadn't looked at him for the entire time. Looking at him almost made you sob. You don't know if you can do this.

"So... what made you start... thinking of this whole liking boys thing?" He asks with a careful tone, talking to you at this moment felt like a delicate activity. You can't tell him that. You just shrug.

"So you pull me all the way out here, just so we can lay in the rain on your hood?" You smile at that but you shake your head. "..I don't think I can tell you why. I don't want to ruin this." You gesture to the little space between you two. "It's taken me so long to just say I potentially like...boys. I feel like I should be atoning for this."

"No shame in liking guys. You don't need to tell me why then," You thank him with your silence, ", Any guys you like right now though?" You slap his shoulder and he puts both hands up in the air with a smirk. "What? It's a genuine question!"

Eyes roll as you simply return to looking up at the crying sky. "Perhaps. Do you?" He shrugs. "Perhaps."

"You can't just copy my answer. Give me something here."

"You're not giving me a thing here. How about we both give small hints?" It's a good idea and so you agree. "Hair colour?" God that is the worst question. He'll easily tell who it is then. "That's way too obvious!" A small huff leaves him before he goes back to thinking. "Hm, fine.. which course is he in?"

The thing is, you don't know anyone else in the Main Course other than him and Kazuichi. He was your neighbour for a long time and you two grew close as friends. But he didn't know that, did he? "..Main Course." You awaited a scoff or a remark of how you don't deserve to love anyone from the Main Course, but he just hums.

"..Would you like to know mine?"

It almost takes your entire being to not say yes so eagerly. He clicks his tongue in amusement.

"..Reserve."

There's a strange casual coolness in his voice, as if he hadn't just said something that completely shook you to your roots and make you question everything about him. This contradicted everything about him! What kind of weird enemies-to-lovers experience did he have?

"..Shocking, I know. Seems like we're in similar situations, unfortunately." Komaeda remarks, however he has a smirk on his face that gives you a bad feeling that he knows. Maybe you should give in to defeat.

"..Don't you hate us? Why would you ever want to love one of us?" Your inquiry is the one to make him finally scoff. "..I never wanted to. But I had to accept it soon enough, I have enough things to eat away at me. I didn't need another." It felt slightly insulting but you got it. It was exactly like you and this gay situation. "..That's...fair enough. When did you finally accept it?"

"..About.. A month or two ago? I had let it waste away at me for about.. 4 months." 6 months. You've known him for 6 months.

"..Wow.. You've been in love with some dude ever since the day we met and you didn't bother to tell me? I'm honestly betrayed, Komaeda."

"Well I didn't exactly see you as a friend back then, did I?" That caught you off guard. "So that means you see me as a friend now?"

"Perhaps." That leaves a smile on your face.

You two stay out on your hood for another 5 minutes. It's getting cold. It's very late.

"..You figured it out yet?" His voice sounds less sultry, now it was more careful and smooth. You shrug.

Over the course of 5 minutes, 2 things went through your head. Should you just give in to defeat and tell him and potentially ruin everything or should you just say no and just get him to drive you two home and send a service for your car later? The latter sounds tempting. It's such a cursed mindset- it felt like a fruit from a poisonous tree. Your thoughts were fickle between the decisions of defeat and stubborness. All your troubling thoughts brutally clawed at your face and brain, infecting it like your brain was filled with scorpions. Your tolerance was beginning to simmer and sizzle. Perhaps you thought about it too much. Maybe you're overthinking. What if you gave in to defeat and he rejects you? It was all for nothing. But he doesn't owe you that affection just because you came out to him within the same day. Why can't you decide? Why won't you hurry up? Why, why, why?-

Your thoughts silence. His lemon grass eyelashes fluttered at you like rare butterflies in the spring morning. You take one more breath.

"I like a boy from the Main Course. I can.. confirm that now. I'm not the most.. okay with that fact but.. I can't let it eat me away aswell." You smile weakly at him. Looking into Komaeda's eyes, you can see glints of a smile in them. He seems proud of you.

"But I... uh.. don't think he likes me back." He cocks his head slightly to the side. "Why do you say that?" This might also give it away.

But your rational reasoning had been long gone from your brain ever since you started crying and screaming on a beach in a broken down car.

"He doesn't exactly like Reserves." You cover your mouth to giggle as if you just told someone the dumbest secret ever. His eyebrow raises at you. "Oh?"

Oh.

Shit.

"..Aha.. Ahhhhh... Yeah. What about your Reserve Crush? Does he like Main Courses?"

"No. He always scoffs when he sees me."

"I would too." You already do.

"Why wouldn't he like you though? Despite how painfully average you are... You're quite stunning in the moonlight. And somehow you're able to make me laugh everyday." You are quite the comedic genius.

"Because I'm no Ultimate. I've heard the way he talks about the Ultimates and I'm never going to live up to that. I wish I could. I always wonder if I'm ever going to."

"Maybe he's let go of that aspect of hatred from you." He suggests, looking over at you. "..Maybe he sees you as something even more." It's your turn to raise an eyebrow. "..How would you know that?"

"My luck is that of the stars. I might be right." Komaeda winks before staring deeper into your eyes.

"My troubles lie exactly with if he'll like me or not right now, and supposedly your luck will help me?" He shrugs. You two have become ever so much more closer on your hood, sitting upright. You two haven't made this long of eye-contact ever. You two haven't made this type of contact ever either. He's beautiful. You can feel his cold breath against you.

Over the course of your time together on your car with raining weeping onto you, Komaeda came closer for warmth and you came closer to try and hear his small tone. It's only become more apparent of how little space there was between you two. You have a strange feeling on where this is going with how close he is becoming.

"Are you scared?" You nod slightly. He probably noticed your eyes shake between his lips and the surroundings and back to his eyes.

"I feel like someone will see us."

"Through the car lights? I doubt it. Do you still want to deny yourself this? I can stop if you want." He backs away slightly as a demonstration, but you catch his shoulders and shake your head. "...There is nothing to run from. I'm not scared. I only have one more worry on my mind but... it's nothing you should be concerned about." And he smiles.

"Would you..let me answer your troubles?"

You're unsure of what he means, however you aren't given much of a chance to question him. You feel a cold pair of lips press against yours, and you feel complete. You two complete eachother, knocking their air out of eachothers lungs as you hold hands and kiss on your hood. "..Don't let them see my face." Is all you mumble through your muffled lips as you two, push eachother up against the car, holding eachother like life lines. "I don't know how to be without you." Komaeda mumbles back, digging his nimble hands into your hair.

It feels like fireworks as you finally break away and look at eachother. Your finger tips slowly trace to his knuckles, holding his hand tightly as you two continue to watch the tides rise and retreat.

"...Would.. would you.. like to go back now?" You nod. You two get off of the vehicle and enter Komaeda's. You leave with smiles and blushes between a silence.

The rain stopped at that very second.

[chalk-prnce]

im never ever ever ever going to shut up abt this comment ☹️

You sure we're out of their sight?

in which you can't admit that you like komaeda, let alone liking a boy. warnings ; internalised homophobia, breakdowns male reader x komaeda nagito

im so sorry for never posting! i forgot all about this account and focussed on my ao3 account! but im here now so, enjoy that "Car lights" fanfic i promised but a different title.

The sun had already set, a premature twilight settling over the horizon as you stared out with the entire universe on your shoulders. Perhaps you should be more glad to get away from the city for a bit, even if you were only about 20 minutes away. Your friends proposed to all go out tonight, but you refused. You can't function properly if you don't figure yourself out and quick.

Sand crunched under your shoes as you breathed a hissing intake of air- it wasn't the best day for you today. You had drove to the nearest sea shore after a long day of battling your own disgust to something you'd rather not name. Even labelling it was shameful but tempting. If you say it aloud, usually it confirms it in your mind. For example- saying how much you love watching shitty sitcoms that you found hilarious when you were about 10 at the age of 17 going on 18 kind of seals the deal on it. A verbal contract- a shameful confirmation. 

Your tank was about one fifth filled up, and you were running on fumes of hope that it would still be able to take you to the nearest gas station after you're finished brooding. Even after being here for what felt like days, you still hadn't been able to figure yourself out. What are you really even freaking out over? What is your problem? Your dilemma? 

Komaeda Nagito. 

About a couple months ago, you two had met in the library on not the most friendly terms. However over time, you somehow managed to look past it and you two kept coming back to that same spot in the same library. 

"..Pride and Prejudice.." The ivory boy mumbled, sitting beside you as he leaned against his elbow on the table. "..You've truly never read this before? It's such a famous piece of literary artwork. One of the most famous actually.. Makes sense that someone so painfully average like you wouldn't know that."

He talks so much to you for someone who despises the very precense of the Reserve Course. "...Shut up, of course I knew about it- I just never found it interesting so I blew off reading it." 

You both scoff at eachother before sliding the book into the middle of the table and read it together, pointing out small bits of the book every now and then. 

"..I'd never fall for someone like Mr Darcy.. So cold.. so cruel. Even for money- seriously! That'd fuck me up." 

"..Well- I'd assume you wouldn't fall for someone like him- he's a boy." He let out a small laugh through his sentence- pushing you out of your thoughts. You couldn't believe you let that slip. 

"Right- nah, I'm just saying y'know. If I was a girl and liked guys, I'd never choose him." A slight awkward silence ensues after that awful slip up from you. It's only after a whole chapter does Komaeda begin to speak again.

"Would you though?"

"Would I what?"

"..You know, date a boy?"

You fiddle with the corner of the pages, sucking on your teeth before breathing out a small string of words. "..Relationships are tiring." Is all you can pull out from your mouth before going back to reading. It was an nice way of getting out of the topic. You could've easily said no- but for some reason you remained vague. 

"..That's not answering my question. Are you seriously that incompetent?" He sneered before leaning his hand on the seat of your chair, his head lulled to the side of both of you. "..Don't answer that actually, I know you are that incompetent." It was hard to tell in that moment if Komaeda was against the idea of homosexuality or not- he was always mixed signals. You open your mouth to say something; but now he was much closer, you could feel that sultry voice vibrate down your ears, and so you close your mouth and stay silent. 

"..You've gone quiet. Are you truly that stumped by my question?" He hummed, chills now digging it's needles into your back. "..I suppose it is quite the hard question, even for an Ultimate it could stump them." That's a weird thing to say, especially from the suspicious implications. 

"..You talk too much. Just keep reading." Is all you breathe out before you flip the page over and Komaeda shifts back away from your chair. The moment ends.

But it wasn't even the fact that he was in a much higher position than you- a high standing pedestal than your excuse for being a "symbol".  Perhaps you're over reacting about the wrong thing. Komaeda had a reputation for despising all reserve course's to the core. A more filthier piece of trash than him (if that was possible in his mind.) The purest scum of the Earth. You should be running for life, and you would if you were in the most rational state of mind. But you're quite obviously not. He's going to eat you alive but god you wonder how it'd be if you did so first. Laying back onto the hood of your car, you shriek out a loud groan and grip at your hair in frustration. You don't know exactly why you're so stressed over him, someone who's merely a friend. Barely, actually- more like civil accquantainces who had common interests and that was all. He despised being seen in public with you; if his classmates ever walked into the library whilst you two were there, he would quickly but quietly shuffle to another nearby table. 

In the earlier months of your accquantainceship, you would've scoffed and insulted him after they left. But now, you simply look at them crowd around as they ask how Komaeda is before leaving. You felt like a frog amongst swans, something so dirty and unfitting to be with.

Silver glints of the moon fracture over the tides, the serene scenery surrounding you was ethereal, a song for the eyes. You've been here for about 5 hours, sitting in different positions all whilst rubbing your temples or banging your forehead onto your knees. It's getting harder to ignore this, to ignore him. Why are you here? You want to go home, but it feels like an obligation to stay and sort this out before you begin to lose your head. You'd honestly rather cut off your wings so that you can not fly into the sun but rather fall into the mighty blue beasts teeth than confront these ghastly thoughts of yours. Komaeda, Komaeda, Komaeda. You've never felt more stress over a name such as his. You should be cast to the wolves for these thoughts. But what thoughts? Your head does not contain blasphemies and your mouth has not committed any heresies. So why are you so troubled? Perhaps you do know, but if you even dare mention it you'd finally commit said heresy you so very feared. You can't say it. You won't dare think it. You refuse. You won't do it. 

But you can't stop- you've already done it. You imagine how perfectly your arms would fit around him, how easily your hands could mold together and your eyes would easily find the pearls of the deep dark in eachother's irises, how wonderfully your lips would fit like a jigsaw. 

You can't remember exactly how you became enamoured by him. Perhaps it was when you accidentally let your stare linger longer than you intended. That day, Komaeda brought in a book that you could only find via an online bookstore due to it being quite a strange piece. Turns out, he was absolutely infatuated with it, and rambling about it came easy to him.

"..The Book Of Disquiet is quite the interesting read- it was never finished, but it's easy to get how the book ends. The heteronyms that Pessoa created for it was intentionally made to be...boring. I've done alot of research on him- he really delves into the whole "Terrible Paradox of Self Awareness" topic- noting to the reader that writing and doing and saying is all completely meaningless yet continues to write, do and say things." The Lucky Student trails off, flicking back and forth to pages of his notes page he did on the portugese author, explaining and going through each little bit. 

You absorbed it in like a sponge- his voice was calming and his eyes were soft as he looked at the pages like it was a puppy. His hair was falling perfectly down his face and spilling onto his shoulders, his eyes shining with a glimmer you've only seen in the stars. Komaeda's beauty could never be put to justice through photos. Not even paintings could immortalise his visage- a night sky within his eyes and the sun within his soul. It was as if you were in an trance. There was a subtle breeze in your imagination as you stared- that was until you realised that was because Komaeda was waving his hand infront of your face.

"..Hello? Are you alright?" That was a first. He doesn't ask that often. "..You seem pretty out of it. It is quite warm in here.."

"..No. I'm fine. Keep reading." And the moment ends.

In your dreams, you described it as simple infatuation, but in reality it was not as airy and feather-light as that. In your nightmares, you described it as a deadly desire, but in reality it was not as short-lived and capricious as that. But to call it anything else in your own conscious mind? You'd rather be ripped from your organs.

But you don't want to keep thinking about it. You don't think you can do it any longer in this swealtering heat of the night. It was humid, but it barely felt like any air was being circulated around the Earth. One last sigh leaves you before you get up from your indented place in the sand and wander off to your car. It was an alright car, not the best and it was used by alot of past owners but it was the best you could get at your age. You pull out your keys and make sure to shake and jingle them a bit just so you can hear the clacking against them, hoping it'd snap you out of whatever this was. Opening the door and slamming it once you're inside, you push your keys into the engine and twist. Your car moans and groans several times, and you could've sworn you felt your heart shoot down to your gut. Your repeated attempts to twist your keys and turn on the engine are almost ridiculed by the curdling screams of the exhaust. Oh, come on. How did this happen? You take great care of your car! Not a single scrape or dent or even a mere collision with any other vehicle. What happened?

Ah. Right. Your tank- it was only one fifth full. Shit.

Well, now you're stuck at this beach with more rocks than grains of sand. His luck is rubbing off on you. Great, there you go again! You always just have to find some way to mention his name even in the most dire situations. What's wrong with you? A loud bang clanks against the hood of your car from the hail that was now pouring down, mocking you as you replicate those bangs onto your steering wheel from your forehead. Atleast you had shelter from it. But you had no money to call a repair work, and almost all of your friends were out for tonight. Oh, but who else is in your contacts that IS free? 

Komaeda Nagito.

You fully groan at his name, your hands dragging the skin of your face up and down. Do you really have to resort to this? It's either him or you stay in the hail with your car as shelter on a school night. God, and who knows how many assignments you probably have to do right now? You feel like crying. You end up crying. 

Hot blobs of salt run down your cheeks as you feel the overwhelming sense of dread. Nothing was going right for you today, nothing at all. Your bones feel heavy in your skin, your eyes straining to keep up with the amount of tears leaving you. Your car has no gas, it's hailing loudly and you're caught between the tides of pain and rapture as you stare at his contact on your phone. You hadn't even figured out the reason of why you are here. Maybe that's for the best. It'd be more awkward to face Komaeda if you had figured it out- but does that mean you most likely know what's wrong with you then? Are you in denial?

"...Hello?" His gravally voice seeps through the audio output.

"..Komaeda, can you come pick me up? My car broke down at the beach- I can't get home and I have no money to call repair services." Your voice is cracking and crumbling as you call, your hands occupied with either your phone or holding the wheel. All you hear is a groan that interrupts a 5 second silence. "..Please- after this I'll never call again, I promise-" All you hear is a beep. He hung up. What did you expect? Why would he ever come and help someone as pathetic as you?

You fall back into your seat, hands dragging your face again before you grumble to yourself under your breath. Why do you care so much? His attention burns your skin and his precense warms your nerves. You could practically melt at the thought of him. This isn't right. It just isn't right at all. It's disgusting, it should be illegal to feel like this for another man. You feel ashamed like you've committed murder. Being burnt at the stake would be a worthy punishment for this. Oh but the more you deny and refute this, refute him, the more you can't push these feelings down. It's all you're thinking about. 

So now you're stuck here and potentially broken what little bit of friendship you had with Komaeda. Great work. Aren't you just the most intelligent man alive? 

You huff it out in large and saltier blobs of misery, soon letting your exhausted eyes fall heavy. You're sitting in your car, hail now slowing as you drift off into probably one of the modt uncomfortable positions possible. In your dreams you envision a timeline where perhaps one of you were a girl instead, and loving eachother wouldn't need to be so compromising. Or perhaps a timeline where loving another boy wouldn't be compromising.

Soon enough, you're awoken by loud thuds and thumps against your window, you can barely make out what it is banging your window due to how much more the rain was pouring down now. A loud groan leaves your throat before you roll down the window, and your eyes finally open fully. That frizzy tuff of white cotten, now flattened by the rain is all too familiar for you. You stare at it. But not at his eyes.

Komaeda Nagito.

You both stare at eachother, stoic yet painful words were folded into the corners of eachother's eyes. It's been about 10 seconds you've been staring at eachother through your car window.

"..."

"..You truly are so incompetent, aren't you?"

What?

"..Driving all this way and you didn't even think to fill up your tank. On top of that, you call me of all people to solve this pathetic problem of yours and you're not even going to say a thing to me when I arrive."

He came here? But he hung up?

"..Are you blind? Are you deaf? Hello??" Komaeda sneers at you, grimacing at you. It's hard to see eachother through the rain.

"...you came."

He shuts up at that, and despite the rain, you can see his eyes soften. "..I did. You called me, you sounded.. stressed. So I came." But why?

"..I don't why I did. It was like I needed to. It doesn't make sense." He sighs before looking away. You narrow your eyes slightly, softening them too before you get out of your car and closing the door behind you, leaning against the soaked metal.

At this point, the only source of light came from your car lights, blaring from it's home to display all the droplets of rain that passed it. "..What happened?" His voice was quieter than quiet. Despite the rain being louder, you could only hear him. "..You don't usually go out so late. I thought your friends invited you out?"

"..You paid attention to that?" He nods. "I just needed to figure something out." He hums.

"..Well, have you?" You shake your head.

"..Maybe I can help. What is it you're troubling yourself with?" You huff.

Both of you wander over to the hood of your car, sitting ontop of it. "I can't tell you. I'd honestly rather die than do so. You'd rip me to shreds."

"What? Are you striving to become an Ultimate or something? It couldn't be that bad." You scoff and lay back onto your hood.

"..Remember that conversation we had a couple weeks back? You asked if I'd ever.."

"..Date a boy?" You nod. "..What about it?"

It takes a lot of courage to continue this conversation. "..What would.. what do you- think? Would you ever date one?" He shrugs. "Probably. Why? What does this have to do with anything?" How dense can someone be?

But that gives you a little something. He might. 

"..Put two and two together you fucking moron." At this point, you're getting tired of running away. Your feet are calloused with how much you've ran away from this problem of yours. You need to decide it now.

You glance over at his face and you see no malice in his visage. Perhaps he isn't here to taunt you. He's probably trying to understand what you meant. "..Ah." Is all he says before laying back onto the hood with you. "Whatever you decide for that, despite how..painfully filthy you are... I'll support you." 

He heaves alot during that sentence. Maybe it's due to the rain or maybe it just took too much out of him to try to be nice to you. You both look up, squinting through the rain. "..How long have you been out here?"

"..About.. 8 hours..? I don't know. I needed to find some space." Komaeda hums in agreement as he combs his strands back. "Fair enough. But you might catch a cold." That's new. "Since when did you care, Main course?" You could just about hear the small chuckle under his breath.

This all felt like some strange peace treaty between you two. It was no longer insults but rather it felt like light-hearted jokes. Like you two had known each other forever. "Would you rather me let you out to die from pneumonia?" You laugh and shake your head. Your laughter simmers down and you both look at each other, you hadn't looked at him for the entire time. Looking at him almost made you sob. You don't know if you can do this.

"So... what made you start... thinking of this whole liking boys thing?" He asks with a careful tone, talking to you at this moment felt like a delicate activity. You can't tell him that. You just shrug.

"So you pull me all the way out here, just so we can lay in the rain on your hood?" You smile at that but you shake your head. "..I don't think I can tell you why. I don't want to ruin this." You gesture to the little space between you two. "It's taken me so long to just say I potentially like...boys. I feel like I should be atoning for this."

"No shame in liking guys. You don't need to tell me why then," You thank him with your silence, ", Any guys you like right now though?" You slap his shoulder and he puts both hands up in the air with a smirk. "What? It's a genuine question!"

Eyes roll as you simply return to looking up at the crying sky. "Perhaps. Do you?" He shrugs. "Perhaps."

"You can't just copy my answer. Give me something here."

"You're not giving me a thing here. How about we both give small hints?" It's a good idea and so you agree. "Hair colour?" God that is the worst question. He'll easily tell who it is then. "That's way too obvious!" A small huff leaves him before he goes back to thinking. "Hm, fine.. which course is he in?"

The thing is, you don't know anyone else in the Main Course other than him and Kazuichi. He was your neighbour for a long time and you two grew close as friends. But he didn't know that, did he? "..Main Course." You awaited a scoff or a remark of how you don't deserve to love anyone from the Main Course, but he just hums.

"..Would you like to know mine?"

It almost takes your entire being to not say yes so eagerly. He clicks his tongue in amusement.

"..Reserve."

There's a strange casual coolness in his voice, as if he hadn't just said something that completely shook you to your roots and make you question everything about him. This contradicted everything about him! What kind of weird enemies-to-lovers experience did he have?

"..Shocking, I know. Seems like we're in similar situations, unfortunately." Komaeda remarks, however he has a smirk on his face that gives you a bad feeling that he knows. Maybe you should give in to defeat.

"..Don't you hate us? Why would you ever want to love one of us?" Your inquiry is the one to make him finally scoff. "..I never wanted to. But I had to accept it soon enough, I have enough things to eat away at me. I didn't need another." It felt slightly insulting but you got it. It was exactly like you and this gay situation. "..That's...fair enough. When did you finally accept it?"

"..About.. A month or two ago? I had let it waste away at me for about.. 4 months." 6 months. You've known him for 6 months.

"..Wow.. You've been in love with some dude ever since the day we met and you didn't bother to tell me? I'm honestly betrayed, Komaeda."

"Well I didn't exactly see you as a friend back then, did I?" That caught you off guard. "So that means you see me as a friend now?"

"Perhaps." That leaves a smile on your face.

You two stay out on your hood for another 5 minutes. It's getting cold. It's very late.

"..You figured it out yet?" His voice sounds less sultry, now it was more careful and smooth. You shrug.

Over the course of 5 minutes, 2 things went through your head. Should you just give in to defeat and tell him and potentially ruin everything or should you just say no and just get him to drive you two home and send a service for your car later? The latter sounds tempting. It's such a cursed mindset- it felt like a fruit from a poisonous tree. Your thoughts were fickle between the decisions of defeat and stubborness. All your troubling thoughts brutally clawed at your face and brain, infecting it like your brain was filled with scorpions. Your tolerance was beginning to simmer and sizzle. Perhaps you thought about it too much. Maybe you're overthinking. What if you gave in to defeat and he rejects you? It was all for nothing. But he doesn't owe you that affection just because you came out to him within the same day. Why can't you decide? Why won't you hurry up? Why, why, why?-

Your thoughts silence. His lemon grass eyelashes fluttered at you like rare butterflies in the spring morning. You take one more breath.

"I like a boy from the Main Course. I can.. confirm that now. I'm not the most.. okay with that fact but.. I can't let it eat me away aswell." You smile weakly at him. Looking into Komaeda's eyes, you can see glints of a smile in them. He seems proud of you.

"But I... uh.. don't think he likes me back." He cocks his head slightly to the side. "Why do you say that?" This might also give it away.

But your rational reasoning had been long gone from your brain ever since you started crying and screaming on a beach in a broken down car.

"He doesn't exactly like Reserves." You cover your mouth to giggle as if you just told someone the dumbest secret ever. His eyebrow raises at you. "Oh?"

Oh.

Shit.

"..Aha.. Ahhhhh... Yeah. What about your Reserve Crush? Does he like Main Courses?"

"No. He always scoffs when he sees me."

"I would too." You already do.

"Why wouldn't he like you though? Despite how painfully average you are... You're quite stunning in the moonlight. And somehow you're able to make me laugh everyday." You are quite the comedic genius.

"Because I'm no Ultimate. I've heard the way he talks about the Ultimates and I'm never going to live up to that. I wish I could. I always wonder if I'm ever going to."

"Maybe he's let go of that aspect of hatred from you." He suggests, looking over at you. "..Maybe he sees you as something even more." It's your turn to raise an eyebrow. "..How would you know that?"

"My luck is that of the stars. I might be right." Komaeda winks before staring deeper into your eyes.

"My troubles lie exactly with if he'll like me or not right now, and supposedly your luck will help me?" He shrugs. You two have become ever so much more closer on your hood, sitting upright. You two haven't made this long of eye-contact ever. You two haven't made this type of contact ever either. He's beautiful. You can feel his cold breath against you.

Over the course of your time together on your car with raining weeping onto you, Komaeda came closer for warmth and you came closer to try and hear his small tone. It's only become more apparent of how little space there was between you two. You have a strange feeling on where this is going with how close he is becoming.

"Are you scared?" You nod slightly. He probably noticed your eyes shake between his lips and the surroundings and back to his eyes.

"I feel like someone will see us."

"Through the car lights? I doubt it. Do you still want to deny yourself this? I can stop if you want." He backs away slightly as a demonstration, but you catch his shoulders and shake your head. "...There is nothing to run from. I'm not scared. I only have one more worry on my mind but... it's nothing you should be concerned about." And he smiles.

"Would you..let me answer your troubles?"

You're unsure of what he means, however you aren't given much of a chance to question him. You feel a cold pair of lips press against yours, and you feel complete. You two complete eachother, knocking their air out of eachothers lungs as you hold hands and kiss on your hood. "..Don't let them see my face." Is all you mumble through your muffled lips as you two, push eachother up against the car, holding eachother like life lines. "I don't know how to be without you." Komaeda mumbles back, digging his nimble hands into your hair.

It feels like fireworks as you finally break away and look at eachother. Your finger tips slowly trace to his knuckles, holding his hand tightly as you two continue to watch the tides rise and retreat.

"...Would.. would you.. like to go back now?" You nod. You two get off of the vehicle and enter Komaeda's. You leave with smiles and blushes between a silence.

The rain stopped at that very second.

[chalk-prnce]

i really hope your blog isn't inactive but i just wanted to say that the way you write got me hooked bad (in a good way)

your descriptions on scenarios, situations, thoughts and whatsoever are so impeccably immersive and beautifully written that i almost lost grip to myself holy shit

not trying to be annoying or anything but srsly, you have a way with words that i had yet to see someone have

holy shit, whoever said this thank you so much- ive been meaning to return to writing for a while, and its been like 3 years since i even made this blog- now im in sixth form as a literature student, i feel like i have more of a grip of how to write in general.

thank you so much for this, means alot and its made me think alot more abt how id like to return to writing and posting.

[chalk-prnce]

Hello 👋,

I hope this message finds you well. My name is Aziz, and I’m reaching out with a heartfelt plea to help my family find safety and reunite with our mother. 😞

The ongoing war in Gaza has torn my family apart. My mother and newborn sister are stranded in Egypt, while I, along with the rest of my sex family members, am trapped in the midst of the genocide in Gaza. We have not only been separated but have also lost our home and are enduring unimaginable hardships. 💔

Your support can make a difference. Whether by reading our story, donating, or sharing our campaign with others, you can help us reunite, find safety, and start anew. 🙏🕊

Thank you, from the depths of my heart, for your kindness, compassion, and solidarity during this difficult time. ❤🍉

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hi everyone!! i dont post much on here but this is extremely urgent! if you have the money, please donate to Aziz and his family, they deserve the chance to live and survive just like any person from Gaza does.

[chalk-prnce]

Save Dr Saber and his Family

i am making this post on behalf of my friend dr saber alasmar, an icu doctor from gaza, palestine. since the 7th of october the life of saber and his family have been changed forever. saber has been working tirelessly to save the lives of thousands of palestinians who have been injured during the multiple brutal attacks by the zionist entity israel.

saber has been raising funds to get him and his family into egypt and they need your help. please share and donate as much as you can. i am also going to include saber's social media accounts in this post so please support him and his family as much as you can

[chalk-prnce]

Midnight Smokers.

"They lie right to your face in this town."

in which town life isn't all what Komaeda hoped it would be, and suddenly he's no longer a poet. in which, Komaeda is jealous how that isn't the case for Hinata.

In this town, there was one thing in common between all the denizens it possessed: that same, disconcerted, glazed stare. To Komaeda, it was like he was living in a town full of ghosts. To Komaeda, it was like he was the only self-aware corpse amongst the zombies.

And to Komaeda, it was like the world was a broken record.

Once he had moved here all those years ago, he seemed to lack that poetic spark in him, the one that made him say a thousand sentences within five words. He was full of candour, and he was full of a humble gallantry that he flaunted like he were a go-go dancer. There was a glimmer in his sickly eyes that somehow had people on their heels, gawking to find his meanings.

But when you move to a town so devoid of colour and seemed to lack the merits of life, no matter how much you try to believe you won't let it get to you, it always did.

His personality began to collect dust, and soon enough his mind which so contrasted his dull beauty, began to dull too; he soon blended into the walls, the floors, the chairs and the tables.

But hey, it could have been worse.

The town was much safer than his old one, it lacked the dangers of humanity that assailed Komaeda prior to his migration. Was that to say it made Komaeda feel any safer? Not at all. In fact, one could definitely argue it made him feel like his life was ending. The cracks on the buildings, the potholes of the roads and the outdated cars reflected his own diseased body. It was all beginning to come to it's demise, and now he couldn't help but be reminded.

Soften the blow, pick up another rotten stick of cancer and just let it happen. That's what Komaeda began to think, and soon his countenance became rugged and sunken with the throes of hypocrisy.

With a flick of the wrist, the red of the match transformed into aureate arms of sunlight orange, flowing softly like silk. The way that Komaeda liked to light his smoke was strange, some may say impractical. He liked to light the spiced-berry candle beside him, set it on the railing of the pub's balcony he always seemed to find empty, and light his smoke and slot it back between his teeth. It earned him a few looks, however there were not enough people in the tavern at all to ever truly cause some gossip. In a way, Komaeda wished there was some weird little goss-group on him. Atleast then he'd find some other emotion in those thoughtless eyes of the people other than boredom or indifference.

It's midnight, it's cold, the breeze is gentle and the sky is clear with an abundance of stars in her canvas. So classically poetic, yet it for some reason could do this city no good.

With a closed-mouth, he let out a heavy exhale. If he were the man he were a year ago, he would be sick of this lifestyle already. But even those emotions were to outrageous in the lifeless city; so all he could do was lean against the metal railing and bury his head in his hands, as if trying to comfort himself. He's beginning to feel frustrated, yet somehow even that felt lile a trapped emotion in his heart. He's clawing at the walls of his locked disposition and it's grating at him.

With a groan, he throws his head back and pulls against the railing to lean back, arms slightly flailing as he almost missed- and in the right corner of his peripheral he watches the hue of warmth fall from it's position- shit.

With a slightly delayed gasp he reaches down quickly, and yet even though he was the closest to the candle, he was no match for the much more tanned and quick hand to grab the candle which seemed to put out the flame on it's fall down.

"..Perhaps it's better not to place a candle there."

The hand slowly put the candle onto the circular table and wiped off the bits of hardened wax which landed on the surface of it's skin.

With a few short blinks, he continued to stare at the candle. Oh how he pitied it- the life was now gone. The rays of life it beamed with, all gone. All gone. His lips tugged at his cheeks downwards.

"..Perhaps so.. Apologies, I wasn't looking properly."

"Ah, so I saw. You seemed to be in your head for quite a while."

Hm. That tweaked something small in him. "A while?"

"A while indeed. Infact, it seeems to be that way every time you come here."

Even more fuel to this glowing spark. With a raise of his eyebrow, he finally looked up at the figure.

"So, you're saying you've been watching me? Everytime I come here? Is this a shoddy stalker excuse to finally talk to me then?" It was clear in his tone that it was a tease simply to pick up some form of feigned charisma in the conversation, although it was obvious that the other didn't reciprocate well, atleast in the other's case.

Because once he accused him, the other seethed a breath through pearly whites which were framed so softly with two shades of lips and his eyes of a calming sage seemed to widen slightly as he slighted his words, the hue of his cheeks reddening with embarrassment.

"H-Hey, that's far from what I was doing. You just- come here a lot. It's hard not to notice when we both seem to sit in our same spots each time."

"Oh? So where do you sit?" Komaeda could see a small twinge of disappointment, perhaps it was because the other expected to know where he sat too, but truly could you blame the man if he always walked with his head down? It makes it very hard to notice everyone else around you, if you couldn't already deduct.

He pointed his evidently scruffed fingertip at the table in the corner inside of the tavern, next to the stairs and also to the bathroom. He grimaced slightly at the thought of sitting in a place where footsteps were loud and the sound of excretion probably even louder. It made Komaeda do a double take on the man he was talking to, looking back at him with the obvious intent of analysing him.

Brown hair, so plain. A red hoodie with the average brand name slapped on it, also very plain albeit a bold colour. A pair of beige chinos to hug his legs, and a pair of atrocious shoes which arguably was not plain at all, infact it made him squint his eyes ever so slightly.

And then back to his face. It seemed the other had noticed by then he was observing the man top to bottom, making him shift in discomfort and awkwardness.

"Your name?"

"Huh? Uh- Hinata Hajime- sorry- are you checking me out right infront of me?"

Ah- whoops. He supposes that is what it looked like. It made Komaeda blink a few more times, and he could feel a heat sprawl out on his face, neck and ears.

"Hinata, I've heard so many people with that last name. Hajime is no different. And to put the two together... In a way, that's quite unique."

He hummed and began to turn back to the view infront of them, leaning against the balcony, this time leaving some space for Hinata Hajime to join him.

"I'm not sure if I should thank you for saying it's unique "in a way", or huff at you for practically saying I have a commoner surname and forename." That made his lips twinge with a smile, nose exhaling small breath.

"I can assure you, I'm not trying to offend. Sometimes I sound a little harsh with what I truly mean.." Komaeda explained as the other soon rested his forearms on the iron border.

"Fascinating, I imagine you're a journalist or a writer? They usually have the skills to decieve without the intent."

"Formerly a writer. Once I moved to this town, it practically stripped me of my ability to write effusions."

"Ah, really? I always thought this town was quite the place to get some creativity."

"..How so? It's so devoid, so dull-"

"But isn't that poetic? To live in a town so barefaced in it's hopelessness. That's an easy book to write, if you have the heart."

Instinctively, Komaeda reached for another smoke, as the one prior had been ruined of course, and looked around for his matches- only to see a lighter now aflame infront of him by those same tanned hands. He hummed his gratitude and began to inhale the fumes with closed eyes.

"..That sounds like something I would have said before. Perhaps you're some time-travelled version of me?" That evoked a small chuckle from the other, and it felt like it had been ages since Komaeda heard such a thing.

"Maybe if you tell me your name, I can see if it sounds even the slightest similar to my own? Parallel universe theory stuff."

"Komaeda Nagito."

The ivory-haired boy watched the man, tilt his head up, feigning a cartoonish face of thought as he tapped his chin.

"Ah, I'm afraid we sound nothing alike. A shame, I sort of hoped to be a poet in a different timeline."

It was now his turn to laugh, using the back of his hand to cover his cracked lips which became all the more obvious when they pulled up to let out his voice. "A shame indeed. I wonder, are you visiting town, then?"

Despite Hinata's look of everything average in the world, he seemed to sparkle in the matte area they resided in.

"Not at all, I've lived here all my life."

Now, how was that possible? Komaeda finally felt some twinge of a distinct feeling hurl in his head- pure confusion. He was completely and utterly baffled by the fact someone who had lived here his entire life had not succumbed or even was not born to inherit the grey lifestyle that he surrendered to within the mark of his second year living here. In pure bewilderment, the sickly smoker turned his head to him.

"Impossible, you're too..."

It was hard for him to find the word he meant, and so he blinked a couple more times before looking back at the view with a sigh. Hinata seemed to take kindly to his distraught and took a sip of his glass that Komaeda forgot to register that he even had in the first place as he took the liberty to shuffle closer.

A resounding silence ensued, however unlike every common one that Komaeda lived in perpetually, this one felt temporary and was proven so very quickly.

"Ah but, I suppose you were sort of right before-"

"So you are my stalker? Wonderful-"

"What? No!"

At that point, Komaeda just couldn't help but laugh again at how expressive Hinata was, something he grew to lack during the years.

"I mean the whole like- excuse to come up to you. You always were an interest from afar for me." His voice lowered from it's prior shrill, now something of a hushed and tender tone.

"I can hardly see what's so interesting." He took in another inhale of smoke, letting the warmth artificially heat the cavity in his chest.

For Hinata, he took another swig at what he could only smell was cherry vodka, an interesting choice. "Well it's not everyday you see a man with wild, white fluffy hair and grey eyes."

Oh, wow! It truly seemed that Hinata was on a roll with how many times he could make him laugh today!

Once more, Komaeda finally looked over at him and his eyes seemed to possess a nostalgic sense of wonder in them as he gazed up at him. "Oh, apologies, perhaps it'd be better if I dye brown streaks into my roots and wear bright red?"

"Ahh, see that would be a great comeback had it not been for the fact it proves my point!"

"That being?"

"Not entirely sure yet. Let the alcohol kick in, and then I'll tell you." With a smirk, he winked at Komaeda, causing both to blush and giggle like children in a field. They stayed in their small bubble in a fit of snickering to each other for a while, stopping after a while to glance up at each other.

"I'm starting to regret not coming up to you sooner, Komaeda." As was Komaeda to be fair, had he have known someone hiding in plain sight would be the one to create that similar buzz in his chest that any kind of drug would give him, he would have come running around the pub sooner.

"Next time, don't hesitate then, I’d much rather be in the company of someone like you now that we’ve met. Truly, it’s been a while since I’ve laughed so much.”

“I could tell, not many people really laugh that much at my jokes. I’m uh- not necessarily the funny joker guy in the family. More of the outcast because I’m simply “not as great” as my twin brother is.” Komaeda watched Hinata’s face changed slightly, still holding it’s warmth however he seemed to grow resentful as he recalled his home life. “He’s just the same as everyone else here! Sure, he’s all successful and moved to the bigger cities, but I’m surely better in some aspects? O- fuck, I don’t know. Sorry, I do realise I’m blowing off all my steam in one go on you.”

The former shook his head, a lithe hand slipping onto his shoulder in support, “No matter, it’s truly fine. I can only imagine how that weighs on you. I never truly had a family, so I can’t necessarily say I understand in any level other than sympathy. But truly, I can see a greater greatness boiling within you, it’s beautiful.”

Within all those sentences, they both maintained eye contact with each other.

Both of them seemed to lack the ability to take easy to compliments, and that was obvious by how when Hinata went a pink that he hadn't seen in a while and just shook his head with a strained smile, Komaeda's only though was the fact that that was exactly how he would have responded, if not a little more self-deprecating.

More silence began as they took the seats from the table behind and sat down, seeing that their legs were aching from standing which only just brought up the question of how long they had been talking now.

"Ah, so if you're no longer a writer, why'd you quit?" The latter's voice vibrated through the air with his question, making the former breathe it in. The enquiry was slightly... well, he made it something he never wanted to truly talk about.

"Hm, well I suppose my downfall came with when I first moved here. It's all so uninspiring, so pedestrian. It stripped me of my artistry." One more inhale of poisonous smoke, just to egg him onto finishing his statement. "I should have expected it, to be fair. Every writer hits their rock bottom, however mine seems to have lived for too long now."

There were a few too many beats of silence that quickly made Komaeda regret saying that, knowing it would be words of pity to accompany him next or perhaps indifference.

"No such thing as a rock bottom for art. You just need to find a different angle for it. Every level of your life, it has meaning. It'd be a waste to say otherwise."

"Ah, I suppose so. You hold a lot of great points here, Hinata. I'm glad to see I wasn't wrong to say what I said about you."

Hinata hummed in response, a small smile on both of their faces as they both made the effort to screech their chairs closer, legs crossed and heads tilted up at the sky.

Putting it into the perspective of seeing it with someone else too, the mystery of the space above them had returned to Komaeda's heart, and that old love he had for it seemed to seep back in like some nostaglic childhood memory. Every glimmer of the moon, generously splaying her rays onto the both of them with clouds that decorated her axis, it grew a seedling within his mind. Gratefulness, beauty, innovation. His eyes closed in thought, depriving him of the tiresome need to wander his sight around and let him delve into his other senses. The taste of sweet smoke, the smell of the put-out candle, the bustling of the few residents in the streets and the feeling of how the breeze would constantly palm at his scalp and cheeks, yet would never make him shiver in the cold.

"Shall we do this again soon?"

"Oh, I thought you'd never ask, Hinata. Yes. I'd love to."

Thank you for reading. I've finally finished secondary school, so now I have all the time in the world to write like I've wanted to for ages. Give me any requests for what you'd like to read from me next. kisses x ♡

[chalk-prnce]

you are so cool please dont die and morph into a colony of ants

thank u dash ilyt

[chalk-prnce]

real talk why do men keep disappointing me lately

anyways hi guys just started my gcses wish me luck and i am gonna start writing v soon, so give me any requests!

[chalk-prnce]

hi the nagito fic u wrote is one of the best fanfics ive ever read. Pls what is ur Ao3 🙏🙏

omg hi!! my account is M3TALCRUSHER on AO3, however i've been inactive lately due to exams! However, I have loads of ideas for some nagito x reader and komahina fanfics I'm actually very close to finishing!

[chalk-prnce]

You sure we're out of their sight?

in which you can't admit that you like komaeda, let alone liking a boy. warnings ; internalised homophobia, breakdowns male reader x komaeda nagito

im so sorry for never posting! i forgot all about this account and focussed on my ao3 account! but im here now so, enjoy that "Car lights" fanfic i promised but a different title.

The sun had already set, a premature twilight settling over the horizon as you stared out with the entire universe on your shoulders. Perhaps you should be more glad to get away from the city for a bit, even if you were only about 20 minutes away. Your friends proposed to all go out tonight, but you refused. You can't function properly if you don't figure yourself out and quick.

Sand crunched under your shoes as you breathed a hissing intake of air- it wasn't the best day for you today. You had drove to the nearest sea shore after a long day of battling your own disgust to something you'd rather not name. Even labelling it was shameful but tempting. If you say it aloud, usually it confirms it in your mind. For example- saying how much you love watching shitty sitcoms that you found hilarious when you were about 10 at the age of 17 going on 18 kind of seals the deal on it. A verbal contract- a shameful confirmation. 

Your tank was about one fifth filled up, and you were running on fumes of hope that it would still be able to take you to the nearest gas station after you're finished brooding. Even after being here for what felt like days, you still hadn't been able to figure yourself out. What are you really even freaking out over? What is your problem? Your dilemma? 

Komaeda Nagito. 

About a couple months ago, you two had met in the library on not the most friendly terms. However over time, you somehow managed to look past it and you two kept coming back to that same spot in the same library. 

"..Pride and Prejudice.." The ivory boy mumbled, sitting beside you as he leaned against his elbow on the table. "..You've truly never read this before? It's such a famous piece of literary artwork. One of the most famous actually.. Makes sense that someone so painfully average like you wouldn't know that."

He talks so much to you for someone who despises the very precense of the Reserve Course. "...Shut up, of course I knew about it- I just never found it interesting so I blew off reading it." 

You both scoff at eachother before sliding the book into the middle of the table and read it together, pointing out small bits of the book every now and then. 

"..I'd never fall for someone like Mr Darcy.. So cold.. so cruel. Even for money- seriously! That'd fuck me up." 

"..Well- I'd assume you wouldn't fall for someone like him- he's a boy." He let out a small laugh through his sentence- pushing you out of your thoughts. You couldn't believe you let that slip. 

"Right- nah, I'm just saying y'know. If I was a girl and liked guys, I'd never choose him." A slight awkward silence ensues after that awful slip up from you. It's only after a whole chapter does Komaeda begin to speak again.

"Would you though?"

"Would I what?"

"..You know, date a boy?"

You fiddle with the corner of the pages, sucking on your teeth before breathing out a small string of words. "..Relationships are tiring." Is all you can pull out from your mouth before going back to reading. It was an nice way of getting out of the topic. You could've easily said no- but for some reason you remained vague. 

"..That's not answering my question. Are you seriously that incompetent?" He sneered before leaning his hand on the seat of your chair, his head lulled to the side of both of you. "..Don't answer that actually, I know you are that incompetent." It was hard to tell in that moment if Komaeda was against the idea of homosexuality or not- he was always mixed signals. You open your mouth to say something; but now he was much closer, you could feel that sultry voice vibrate down your ears, and so you close your mouth and stay silent. 

"..You've gone quiet. Are you truly that stumped by my question?" He hummed, chills now digging it's needles into your back. "..I suppose it is quite the hard question, even for an Ultimate it could stump them." That's a weird thing to say, especially from the suspicious implications. 

"..You talk too much. Just keep reading." Is all you breathe out before you flip the page over and Komaeda shifts back away from your chair. The moment ends.

But it wasn't even the fact that he was in a much higher position than you- a high standing pedestal than your excuse for being a "symbol".  Perhaps you're over reacting about the wrong thing. Komaeda had a reputation for despising all reserve course's to the core. A more filthier piece of trash than him (if that was possible in his mind.) The purest scum of the Earth. You should be running for life, and you would if you were in the most rational state of mind. But you're quite obviously not. He's going to eat you alive but god you wonder how it'd be if you did so first. Laying back onto the hood of your car, you shriek out a loud groan and grip at your hair in frustration. You don't know exactly why you're so stressed over him, someone who's merely a friend. Barely, actually- more like civil accquantainces who had common interests and that was all. He despised being seen in public with you; if his classmates ever walked into the library whilst you two were there, he would quickly but quietly shuffle to another nearby table. 

In the earlier months of your accquantainceship, you would've scoffed and insulted him after they left. But now, you simply look at them crowd around as they ask how Komaeda is before leaving. You felt like a frog amongst swans, something so dirty and unfitting to be with.

Silver glints of the moon fracture over the tides, the serene scenery surrounding you was ethereal, a song for the eyes. You've been here for about 5 hours, sitting in different positions all whilst rubbing your temples or banging your forehead onto your knees. It's getting harder to ignore this, to ignore him. Why are you here? You want to go home, but it feels like an obligation to stay and sort this out before you begin to lose your head. You'd honestly rather cut off your wings so that you can not fly into the sun but rather fall into the mighty blue beasts teeth than confront these ghastly thoughts of yours. Komaeda, Komaeda, Komaeda. You've never felt more stress over a name such as his. You should be cast to the wolves for these thoughts. But what thoughts? Your head does not contain blasphemies and your mouth has not committed any heresies. So why are you so troubled? Perhaps you do know, but if you even dare mention it you'd finally commit said heresy you so very feared. You can't say it. You won't dare think it. You refuse. You won't do it. 

But you can't stop- you've already done it. You imagine how perfectly your arms would fit around him, how easily your hands could mold together and your eyes would easily find the pearls of the deep dark in eachother's irises, how wonderfully your lips would fit like a jigsaw. 

You can't remember exactly how you became enamoured by him. Perhaps it was when you accidentally let your stare linger longer than you intended. That day, Komaeda brought in a book that you could only find via an online bookstore due to it being quite a strange piece. Turns out, he was absolutely infatuated with it, and rambling about it came easy to him.

"..The Book Of Disquiet is quite the interesting read- it was never finished, but it's easy to get how the book ends. The heteronyms that Pessoa created for it was intentionally made to be...boring. I've done alot of research on him- he really delves into the whole "Terrible Paradox of Self Awareness" topic- noting to the reader that writing and doing and saying is all completely meaningless yet continues to write, do and say things." The Lucky Student trails off, flicking back and forth to pages of his notes page he did on the portugese author, explaining and going through each little bit. 

You absorbed it in like a sponge- his voice was calming and his eyes were soft as he looked at the pages like it was a puppy. His hair was falling perfectly down his face and spilling onto his shoulders, his eyes shining with a glimmer you've only seen in the stars. Komaeda's beauty could never be put to justice through photos. Not even paintings could immortalise his visage- a night sky within his eyes and the sun within his soul. It was as if you were in an trance. There was a subtle breeze in your imagination as you stared- that was until you realised that was because Komaeda was waving his hand infront of your face.

"..Hello? Are you alright?" That was a first. He doesn't ask that often. "..You seem pretty out of it. It is quite warm in here.."

"..No. I'm fine. Keep reading." And the moment ends.

In your dreams, you described it as simple infatuation, but in reality it was not as airy and feather-light as that. In your nightmares, you described it as a deadly desire, but in reality it was not as short-lived and capricious as that. But to call it anything else in your own conscious mind? You'd rather be ripped from your organs.

But you don't want to keep thinking about it. You don't think you can do it any longer in this swealtering heat of the night. It was humid, but it barely felt like any air was being circulated around the Earth. One last sigh leaves you before you get up from your indented place in the sand and wander off to your car. It was an alright car, not the best and it was used by alot of past owners but it was the best you could get at your age. You pull out your keys and make sure to shake and jingle them a bit just so you can hear the clacking against them, hoping it'd snap you out of whatever this was. Opening the door and slamming it once you're inside, you push your keys into the engine and twist. Your car moans and groans several times, and you could've sworn you felt your heart shoot down to your gut. Your repeated attempts to twist your keys and turn on the engine are almost ridiculed by the curdling screams of the exhaust. Oh, come on. How did this happen? You take great care of your car! Not a single scrape or dent or even a mere collision with any other vehicle. What happened?

Ah. Right. Your tank- it was only one fifth full. Shit.

Well, now you're stuck at this beach with more rocks than grains of sand. His luck is rubbing off on you. Great, there you go again! You always just have to find some way to mention his name even in the most dire situations. What's wrong with you? A loud bang clanks against the hood of your car from the hail that was now pouring down, mocking you as you replicate those bangs onto your steering wheel from your forehead. Atleast you had shelter from it. But you had no money to call a repair work, and almost all of your friends were out for tonight. Oh, but who else is in your contacts that IS free? 

Komaeda Nagito.

You fully groan at his name, your hands dragging the skin of your face up and down. Do you really have to resort to this? It's either him or you stay in the hail with your car as shelter on a school night. God, and who knows how many assignments you probably have to do right now? You feel like crying. You end up crying. 

Hot blobs of salt run down your cheeks as you feel the overwhelming sense of dread. Nothing was going right for you today, nothing at all. Your bones feel heavy in your skin, your eyes straining to keep up with the amount of tears leaving you. Your car has no gas, it's hailing loudly and you're caught between the tides of pain and rapture as you stare at his contact on your phone. You hadn't even figured out the reason of why you are here. Maybe that's for the best. It'd be more awkward to face Komaeda if you had figured it out- but does that mean you most likely know what's wrong with you then? Are you in denial?

"...Hello?" His gravally voice seeps through the audio output.

"..Komaeda, can you come pick me up? My car broke down at the beach- I can't get home and I have no money to call repair services." Your voice is cracking and crumbling as you call, your hands occupied with either your phone or holding the wheel. All you hear is a groan that interrupts a 5 second silence. "..Please- after this I'll never call again, I promise-" All you hear is a beep. He hung up. What did you expect? Why would he ever come and help someone as pathetic as you?

You fall back into your seat, hands dragging your face again before you grumble to yourself under your breath. Why do you care so much? His attention burns your skin and his precense warms your nerves. You could practically melt at the thought of him. This isn't right. It just isn't right at all. It's disgusting, it should be illegal to feel like this for another man. You feel ashamed like you've committed murder. Being burnt at the stake would be a worthy punishment for this. Oh but the more you deny and refute this, refute him, the more you can't push these feelings down. It's all you're thinking about. 

So now you're stuck here and potentially broken what little bit of friendship you had with Komaeda. Great work. Aren't you just the most intelligent man alive? 

You huff it out in large and saltier blobs of misery, soon letting your exhausted eyes fall heavy. You're sitting in your car, hail now slowing as you drift off into probably one of the modt uncomfortable positions possible. In your dreams you envision a timeline where perhaps one of you were a girl instead, and loving eachother wouldn't need to be so compromising. Or perhaps a timeline where loving another boy wouldn't be compromising.

Soon enough, you're awoken by loud thuds and thumps against your window, you can barely make out what it is banging your window due to how much more the rain was pouring down now. A loud groan leaves your throat before you roll down the window, and your eyes finally open fully. That frizzy tuff of white cotten, now flattened by the rain is all too familiar for you. You stare at it. But not at his eyes.

Komaeda Nagito.

You both stare at eachother, stoic yet painful words were folded into the corners of eachother's eyes. It's been about 10 seconds you've been staring at eachother through your car window.

"..."

"..You truly are so incompetent, aren't you?"

What?

"..Driving all this way and you didn't even think to fill up your tank. On top of that, you call me of all people to solve this pathetic problem of yours and you're not even going to say a thing to me when I arrive."

He came here? But he hung up?

"..Are you blind? Are you deaf? Hello??" Komaeda sneers at you, grimacing at you. It's hard to see eachother through the rain.

"...you came."

He shuts up at that, and despite the rain, you can see his eyes soften. "..I did. You called me, you sounded.. stressed. So I came." But why?

"..I don't why I did. It was like I needed to. It doesn't make sense." He sighs before looking away. You narrow your eyes slightly, softening them too before you get out of your car and closing the door behind you, leaning against the soaked metal.

At this point, the only source of light came from your car lights, blaring from it's home to display all the droplets of rain that passed it. "..What happened?" His voice was quieter than quiet. Despite the rain being louder, you could only hear him. "..You don't usually go out so late. I thought your friends invited you out?"

"..You paid attention to that?" He nods. "I just needed to figure something out." He hums.

"..Well, have you?" You shake your head.

"..Maybe I can help. What is it you're troubling yourself with?" You huff.

Both of you wander over to the hood of your car, sitting ontop of it. "I can't tell you. I'd honestly rather die than do so. You'd rip me to shreds."

"What? Are you striving to become an Ultimate or something? It couldn't be that bad." You scoff and lay back onto your hood.

"..Remember that conversation we had a couple weeks back? You asked if I'd ever.."

"..Date a boy?" You nod. "..What about it?"

It takes a lot of courage to continue this conversation. "..What would.. what do you- think? Would you ever date one?" He shrugs. "Probably. Why? What does this have to do with anything?" How dense can someone be?

But that gives you a little something. He might. 

"..Put two and two together you fucking moron." At this point, you're getting tired of running away. Your feet are calloused with how much you've ran away from this problem of yours. You need to decide it now.

You glance over at his face and you see no malice in his visage. Perhaps he isn't here to taunt you. He's probably trying to understand what you meant. "..Ah." Is all he says before laying back onto the hood with you. "Whatever you decide for that, despite how..painfully filthy you are... I'll support you." 

He heaves alot during that sentence. Maybe it's due to the rain or maybe it just took too much out of him to try to be nice to you. You both look up, squinting through the rain. "..How long have you been out here?"

"..About.. 8 hours..? I don't know. I needed to find some space." Komaeda hums in agreement as he combs his strands back. "Fair enough. But you might catch a cold." That's new. "Since when did you care, Main course?" You could just about hear the small chuckle under his breath.

This all felt like some strange peace treaty between you two. It was no longer insults but rather it felt like light-hearted jokes. Like you two had known each other forever. "Would you rather me let you out to die from pneumonia?" You laugh and shake your head. Your laughter simmers down and you both look at each other, you hadn't looked at him for the entire time. Looking at him almost made you sob. You don't know if you can do this.

"So... what made you start... thinking of this whole liking boys thing?" He asks with a careful tone, talking to you at this moment felt like a delicate activity. You can't tell him that. You just shrug.

"So you pull me all the way out here, just so we can lay in the rain on your hood?" You smile at that but you shake your head. "..I don't think I can tell you why. I don't want to ruin this." You gesture to the little space between you two. "It's taken me so long to just say I potentially like...boys. I feel like I should be atoning for this."

"No shame in liking guys. You don't need to tell me why then," You thank him with your silence, ", Any guys you like right now though?" You slap his shoulder and he puts both hands up in the air with a smirk. "What? It's a genuine question!"

Eyes roll as you simply return to looking up at the crying sky. "Perhaps. Do you?" He shrugs. "Perhaps."

"You can't just copy my answer. Give me something here."

"You're not giving me a thing here. How about we both give small hints?" It's a good idea and so you agree. "Hair colour?" God that is the worst question. He'll easily tell who it is then. "That's way too obvious!" A small huff leaves him before he goes back to thinking. "Hm, fine.. which course is he in?"

The thing is, you don't know anyone else in the Main Course other than him and Kazuichi. He was your neighbour for a long time and you two grew close as friends. But he didn't know that, did he? "..Main Course." You awaited a scoff or a remark of how you don't deserve to love anyone from the Main Course, but he just hums.

"..Would you like to know mine?"

It almost takes your entire being to not say yes so eagerly. He clicks his tongue in amusement.

"..Reserve."

There's a strange casual coolness in his voice, as if he hadn't just said something that completely shook you to your roots and make you question everything about him. This contradicted everything about him! What kind of weird enemies-to-lovers experience did he have?

"..Shocking, I know. Seems like we're in similar situations, unfortunately." Komaeda remarks, however he has a smirk on his face that gives you a bad feeling that he knows. Maybe you should give in to defeat.

"..Don't you hate us? Why would you ever want to love one of us?" Your inquiry is the one to make him finally scoff. "..I never wanted to. But I had to accept it soon enough, I have enough things to eat away at me. I didn't need another." It felt slightly insulting but you got it. It was exactly like you and this gay situation. "..That's...fair enough. When did you finally accept it?"

"..About.. A month or two ago? I had let it waste away at me for about.. 4 months." 6 months. You've known him for 6 months.

"..Wow.. You've been in love with some dude ever since the day we met and you didn't bother to tell me? I'm honestly betrayed, Komaeda."

"Well I didn't exactly see you as a friend back then, did I?" That caught you off guard. "So that means you see me as a friend now?"

"Perhaps." That leaves a smile on your face.

You two stay out on your hood for another 5 minutes. It's getting cold. It's very late.

"..You figured it out yet?" His voice sounds less sultry, now it was more careful and smooth. You shrug.

Over the course of 5 minutes, 2 things went through your head. Should you just give in to defeat and tell him and potentially ruin everything or should you just say no and just get him to drive you two home and send a service for your car later? The latter sounds tempting. It's such a cursed mindset- it felt like a fruit from a poisonous tree. Your thoughts were fickle between the decisions of defeat and stubborness. All your troubling thoughts brutally clawed at your face and brain, infecting it like your brain was filled with scorpions. Your tolerance was beginning to simmer and sizzle. Perhaps you thought about it too much. Maybe you're overthinking. What if you gave in to defeat and he rejects you? It was all for nothing. But he doesn't owe you that affection just because you came out to him within the same day. Why can't you decide? Why won't you hurry up? Why, why, why?-

Your thoughts silence. His lemon grass eyelashes fluttered at you like rare butterflies in the spring morning. You take one more breath.

"I like a boy from the Main Course. I can.. confirm that now. I'm not the most.. okay with that fact but.. I can't let it eat me away aswell." You smile weakly at him. Looking into Komaeda's eyes, you can see glints of a smile in them. He seems proud of you.

"But I... uh.. don't think he likes me back." He cocks his head slightly to the side. "Why do you say that?" This might also give it away.

But your rational reasoning had been long gone from your brain ever since you started crying and screaming on a beach in a broken down car.

"He doesn't exactly like Reserves." You cover your mouth to giggle as if you just told someone the dumbest secret ever. His eyebrow raises at you. "Oh?"

Oh.

Shit.

"..Aha.. Ahhhhh... Yeah. What about your Reserve Crush? Does he like Main Courses?"

"No. He always scoffs when he sees me."

"I would too." You already do.

"Why wouldn't he like you though? Despite how painfully average you are... You're quite stunning in the moonlight. And somehow you're able to make me laugh everyday." You are quite the comedic genius.

"Because I'm no Ultimate. I've heard the way he talks about the Ultimates and I'm never going to live up to that. I wish I could. I always wonder if I'm ever going to."

"Maybe he's let go of that aspect of hatred from you." He suggests, looking over at you. "..Maybe he sees you as something even more." It's your turn to raise an eyebrow. "..How would you know that?"

"My luck is that of the stars. I might be right." Komaeda winks before staring deeper into your eyes.

"My troubles lie exactly with if he'll like me or not right now, and supposedly your luck will help me?" He shrugs. You two have become ever so much more closer on your hood, sitting upright. You two haven't made this long of eye-contact ever. You two haven't made this type of contact ever either. He's beautiful. You can feel his cold breath against you.

Over the course of your time together on your car with raining weeping onto you, Komaeda came closer for warmth and you came closer to try and hear his small tone. It's only become more apparent of how little space there was between you two. You have a strange feeling on where this is going with how close he is becoming.

"Are you scared?" You nod slightly. He probably noticed your eyes shake between his lips and the surroundings and back to his eyes.

"I feel like someone will see us."

"Through the car lights? I doubt it. Do you still want to deny yourself this? I can stop if you want." He backs away slightly as a demonstration, but you catch his shoulders and shake your head. "...There is nothing to run from. I'm not scared. I only have one more worry on my mind but... it's nothing you should be concerned about." And he smiles.

"Would you..let me answer your troubles?"

You're unsure of what he means, however you aren't given much of a chance to question him. You feel a cold pair of lips press against yours, and you feel complete. You two complete eachother, knocking their air out of eachothers lungs as you hold hands and kiss on your hood. "..Don't let them see my face." Is all you mumble through your muffled lips as you two, push eachother up against the car, holding eachother like life lines. "I don't know how to be without you." Komaeda mumbles back, digging his nimble hands into your hair.

It feels like fireworks as you finally break away and look at eachother. Your finger tips slowly trace to his knuckles, holding his hand tightly as you two continue to watch the tides rise and retreat.

"...Would.. would you.. like to go back now?" You nod. You two get off of the vehicle and enter Komaeda's. You leave with smiles and blushes between a silence.

The rain stopped at that very second.

[chalk-prnce]

Hihi <3 I'm new to Tumblr, and I've been thinking of well-making fanfictions! They'll consist mostly of Danganronpa, some will be Genshin Impact, and I may also do Undertale fanfictions! Right now, I'm mainly focused on Danganronpa since I already have many ideas, but bare with me; I will produce more than just that. And please don't pressure me too much since I am in high school <3

Here is the masterlist of my upcoming projects!<3 also, sorry for only one female reader fanfic- I get dysphoric when typing out fanfic from a female perspective- but I also noticed the lack of transfem fanfics and only us transmascs being represented in fanfics which are entirely unfair, so I will be writing some fanfics from the perspective of a transfem reader the best I can! <3 of course, ill try my best to make it so it's as respectful and accurate as can be!

that's all, for now, <3 thank you!!