change-and-conviction

[change-and-conviction]

[change-and-conviction]

Shoutout to the girl swinging her arms and skipping down my street singing loudly to the song playing in her head, I hope you infect me with a love for life

[change-and-conviction]

To Be Queer and Divine

(edit: please don’t tag as christian/catholic)

[change-and-conviction]

Wolves in the Woods, or, Queer Creatures

There’s a wolf in the woods, the old people said.

More than one, every year, there’s a wolf in the woods.

She’ll eat you, he’ll break you, they’ll get up inside you

And tear your pink insides by the light of the moon.

Some young people, curious, frolicked with wolves

And danced with the shape-shifted friends they had known

Wearing skins more their own than pink flesh ever was

And pretended, come morning, they’d never left home.

There’s a wolf in the woods, the new old people said

Who once had run till the thorns tore their feet

Their memories warped to recall rapid chases

Instead of a frolick leaving mud on their sheets.

Every year there were children who never came home

Who’s clothes found abandoned would be mourned aloud

Who’s parents could not understand what was done

And rallied a ravenous crowd.

“We’ll kill them, we’ll kill them.” Each year it was said

And as was predicted they’d all leave their homes

And left, all at once, and they always assumed

They got every beast with blade and with stone.

But there always, forever, are wolves in the woods.

Children learning the ways of tooth and of claw

Growing up and away from their stringent old roles

Who would rather be beast with blood on their maw.

There will always be people who are not like you

There will always be us, and we will terrify

We will run and be wild under stars, chase the wind

We will be anything, and forever defy

No one can take the wolf from a child

That found themselves othered each day of their life

They’ll eat you up whole and spread their great joy

Of teeth and of claws as sharp as your knife.

Your children are better off wolves in the woods

You should learn to find love in their howling

Take a walk and see the joy in their eyes

And join us in glorious calling.

[change-and-conviction]

She was annoyed. She had broken out on her face from the August heat, and she hated the new pimples and dots scattered about. I watched as she flicked on the AC whirling across the room and thumping with a harshness onto the floor like it had a fault in all this. The new breeze didn’t do much to cool off her frustration and for a moment I thought her face, twisted in annoyance, might stay that way. But then she huffed and softened. And when she pressed her face into my neck her chin, and the bump there, scraped against the crook beneath my ear reminding me just who I was holding. And I loved the feeling. Because it was her. Her draped in my arms like the sunlight creeping though the cracks in the blinds. And she was warm and loving. And maybe a little sweaty. And I couldn’t seem to understand how she could ever be mad at something like that.

[change-and-conviction]

Last week, I learned that the English language has more euphemisms for death than any other language. I learned that the ancient Greeks had no word for the colour blue and that the Hawain alphabet has only twelve letters. I spent last week hollowing out a little place in my heart and filling it with worry. What does that say about us? Do we really go out of our way to avoid death like that? How did the Greeks describe the sea? Are twelve letters really enough? Does every language have a word for love? Every language should have a word for love. And compassion. And gentleness. And figs and snow and that soft sensitive part on the inside of one’s arm. We should have words for everything so that we don’t feel alone. We need very very very specific words for all of the different kinds of sad and even more specific words for the kinds of happy. What if we were able to talk about everything? I want to tell you how I feel and I want to be precise. Sometimes ‘good’ just isn’t enough and few understand what I mean when I say that I feel ’like lightning.’

[change-and-conviction]

absolutely disgusting that i have to create the the things i want to create

[change-and-conviction]

I’m tired. And I am needing and I am wanting. oh god am I wanting, of what I’m not quite sure. Another complicated emotion I can’t reach to describe. Drowsiness batting my hands away like a disgruntled child as I go grabbing towards any kind of description. Much too involved of a task, so I’ll just stare at myself from somewhere else in the room, or so it feels. I am tired. I should sleep. But my bed is fussy, annoyed of the corpse it keeps carrying. Surprised no one seems to mind that this is no place to die. I am wanting. Wanting so desperately something I’m not allowed in sunlight and not getting in moonlight either. Funny isn’t it? If I’d die and become a ghost I’d feel the same as I do, flesh and blood, sitting here now. I am bleeding for something. Something that makes a difference. I shouldn’t feel the same. Will I stay this way? stay forever wanting? shall I stay?

[change-and-conviction]

On god,

I just

Want to be

Hugged.

I want to be

Caressed

And

Squeezed

Lovingly.

Affectionately.

And

Passionately.

Literally just

Embrace me.

Please.

Just wrap your

Fuckin’ arms

Around me,

Put your head on my

Shoulder,

(And if you want)

You can even

To*ch

My hair

A little.

[change-and-conviction]

do you know how in movies when someone is about to confess their love to a person they look like they’re about to cry? they’re so in love that they’re brought to tears? is it unrealistic to say i wish someone would look at me like that?

[change-and-conviction]

When Patroclus said “When he died, all things soft and beautiful and bright would be buried with him”. When Marvin said “Who would I be, if I had not loved you. How would I know what love is?”. When Hozier said “Lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down I’ll crawl home to her”.

[change-and-conviction]

"you're so mature!" thanks I'm traumatized

[change-and-conviction]

Emo grandma; gay mess

describe your aesthetic in four words go

[change-and-conviction]

Maybe I want to feel alive. Maybe I want to feel human. Maybe soft intimacy is what we both need. Please just make me feel better. There is this want. There is nothing I want more. I want to be held in gentle peace. Why is it so wrong to want to be touched? Why is it so sinful to have a face in your hands? We don’t have to call it romance. Do I need lust for a simple embrace? Play with my hands. Please, lay your head on my shoulder. Rest your fingertips on my arms and trace them along my neck and spine. I want to be touched and held and I do not understand why that is too much to ask. Please let the hug linger.

[change-and-conviction]

There’s so much soulless music out there, there’s so many people who think to dance you have to know how, there’s so many things that are not being done because people don’t think they can

You can

You can make bad music with soul and share it, you can dance, you can sing, you can make art, if you are creating then it isn’t bad at all it is simply something

Art isn’t bad if it’s art

[change-and-conviction]

— Dead Poets Society (1989), dir. Peter Weir

[change-and-conviction]

What if I slept a little more and forgot about all this nonsense.

— Franz Kafka