chronicallyonlinecath

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Tuesday 13th February 2024 - Long time no see and you may never see me again It's been months since I updated this and I cannot even begin to explain what has happened since then Matty and Harley broke up, Harley has now been going around 6/7 months strong with her new boyfriend, and I believe Matty is happily with their new boyfriend too Matty and I don't talk anymore. That's all I really want to say on that matter as I don't know whether he'll see this or not. The friend group kinda fell apart. Again, all I really want to say on that matter. It was bound to happen but hey, hurt anyway. Most people I know have found relationships now. Carter and Reagan are both incredibly happy with guys they've found at college, as well as others. I tried to - I tried things out again with Harvey during the summer (mistake), I met a guy at DnD club with college who believes he's spiderman/batman and another guy who has an obsession with Mario. With spiderman/batman we moved too fast and I got scared of commitment and fled, before realising I really missed out. He's a genuinely nice guy and I really appreciate his company. Mario and I actually did date before we decided staying friends was a better idea. He's nice too I think. So I kinda car-crashed my way into relationships at college. I went to the more modern college in the end - I believe I'm better off here anyway. Tomorrow is valentine's day and all I feel is kinda just angry. At myself mainly - I've made too many promises and gotten myself too deep into shit and it's all just caught up with me. Mattson's gone, no surprises there really. I lost him again to his inability to communicate. Billie and I also don't talk anymore. Neither do Alison and I, well rarely, even though we're in several classes together. Harvey, Harry and Bella all went to a different college so I don't talk to them as much as I want to anymore either. I go to Bella's on Saturdays to play DnD but that's about it. Since I posted in June, I feel my whole life, everything it's revolved around, has crumbled away into dust. And yet I am still functioning well, one could say even better than I ever could at secondary school. I love college so much, I love the people there, my subjects and my teachers. But I feel so empty whenever I am alone. Like I am a shell of myself who would much rather spend all of my time and energy on other people than fixing myself. I'm trying to fix myself. I swear I am. Even though my problems aren't huge (they never are) they impact me like a goddamn rock in the skull every time and I can't let that happen anymore. I stopped writing this tumblr because I felt rude uploading not only my life but the lives of others who may mnot eve want this online. Tonight, in celebration of Valentine's tomorrow, I'm going to watch (500) Days of Summer. I hope it'll teach me something or two about how to not rely on the feelings of others to be able to keep myself content. It's time to fix the things I broke years ago. Maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't. But for now, we'll call it a day, and say this blog won't ever come back. It was fun while it lasted. ~CM

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Wednesday 28th June 2023 - love is a risk, but what's the alternative? /lyr It's been a good few days, and now I am basically being held at gunpoint by Matty and Harley to write this. I'm currently sat in the local abbey, blasting Lyn Lapid in my ears (again) Harry is sat behind me scrolling through football instagram on his phone and Reagan is sat three seats to the left of me stressing because the guy they like has left them on delivered (again) and listening to the school's wind quintet rehearse. My final school summer concert is tonight and though I'm nervous as hell, I'm also somewhat sad and melancholy about it. I'm in wayy too much shit for my little pea brain to handle, and I'm gonna be overwhelmed as hell with emotions too. But the music grind never stops. Not long after I posted the blog on Saturday, Mattson messaged me about Janek's answer, and on Sunday I got a message from Janek. His answer? A no, quite clearly. To be fair, I already gathered it was a no - that's what no answers to questions about romance usually mean. But I suppose I was still a little hurt by it, just a little. Reagan just smacked me on the head with her tenor horn. My forehead aches now. But she and Harry are off to play in the brass dectet alongside Harvey. I'm not the only one to have been rejected recently either - although I wouldn't say this next example is exactly a rejection. Alison spoke to Harvey about her feelings for him. Was this a mistake on her part? Definitely not. Harvey is an absolute idiot with feelings and romance and knowing where his feelings for people lie. I talk from experience of talking to him late in the evening about the girls he likes and he practically falls apart trying to figure it out. I can't blame him, but it's frustrating and hurts people's feelings. Such as Alison's. But to be honest, I don't think she's that bothered anymore - she seems to have a lot more hellish stuff on her mind. And to be honest, so do I. The flute choir have just started playing ABBA - my life is complete. The amount of music shit I have on over the next few days is insane - that and college taster days. Yesterday was the more modern one of the two, and the one I'm least likely to go to. I got the bus with Peter and Reagan though, and it was kinda chill through the whole day. I nerded out completely in Psychology though - we were doing phobias and phobias are something I obsessed over in the lockdown period, so I already knew tons about it and scared the teacher a bit I think. But it's okay, I want to be a psychologist when I'm older, stuff like phobias fascinate the hell out of me. Anyway, I apologise for the lack of posts, and I'm scheduling this post after just watching the senior boys choir perform one of the best renditions of "My Shadow and Me" possible. If the performance is recorded I might post the link (except that'll be leaking my school so I probably won't) ~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Saturday 24th June 2023 - Bands, Lyn Lapid and parties (but i wasn't invited) I currently have 'to love in the 21st century' blasting my eardrums out as I type this, so I think it's fair to say Lyn is singlehandedly making me deaf by the time im 20.

I also got a huge part in the local production of Little Women - Beth!! She's the second-youngest sister and I am super excited to play hear as I adore Little Women in general, the movie and books are incredible. Rehearsals start soon and the performances are in October.

I'm not sure if anyone remembers that I tried to ask Janek out - let's just say it was one hell of a failure. It's almost been two weeks since I asked and I still have no answer. I can't really be bothered to try and ask him again - I'm taking it as a no and moving on as best as I can. He's currently at Harvey's for a party, which is basically just a boys' night in. With alcohol, I believe. Which, definitely could be interesting. Mattson is there too, as is Eliot. Harvey did consider inviting Alison and I but decided against it, since well, it's a guys' night. To be honest, I probably would've spent most of my time avoiding Janek as to not make it awkward and trying to stick to Alison's side while she flirts helplessly with Harvey. So I would've been third-wheeling at a guys' night. Not the best. Talking of parties, Harry and Matty got invited to Sienna's, a girl I used to sit next to in chem. Alison and Valerie are going too. I hope they have a good time, imma just sit here and type and write cards and scrapbook for most of the evening now. Today was spent at band rehearsal because I have a concert tomorrow evening and we are not prepared for it - but I know I probably will be fine as long as I play the right notes (and I can do that. I hope.) It's also Reagan's birthday fling tomorrow, and the council are going to an escape room, which could be seriously interesting. I'm sure I'll hear all about it and I'll keep whatever strangers who read these updated. Anyway I'm off, I have thank-you cards to write and a scrapbook to doodle on. ~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Friday 23rd June 2023 - Songs, general music madness

I promised I'd do a release radar so here we are;

Lyn Lapid released a whole new album - to love in the 21st century (my favourite track is cross ur mind); https://open.spotify.com/album/18pzJc8GyrVQmunRXrY3ch?si=hThOsvMuQ9q_fcwBLl3mww&context=spotify%3Aalbum%3A18pzJc8GyrVQmunRXrY3ch

Cody Fry released a new single and I adore it - Waltz for Sweatpants; https://open.spotify.com/track/5NItQtFp7GdPaOG41vVXCk?si=UpHUkG_aQJmjpwmUuVhhIg

Other than that no artists I have an unhealthy obsession with have released any music today, which is a shame really.

Again, apologies for the lack of blog yesterday, but literally nothing happened. Other than me going into town and buying a scrapbook for the summer, of which I'm making because I thought it would be funny. And it's fun to doodle over old photos of my friends and remember good times.

Today was great, I got up early as hell to get to chamber choir on time and then did saxy brass afterwards. Then I had about an hour and forty to spare before I had to go back to another chamber choir rehearsal, so I walked the hour walk to and from Harry's home since he did saxy brass too. On the way back I called Carter and Reagan on bunch - Reagan was in a field with their horse, and Carter was just chilling at home.

So when I got home, I did the logical thing and invited them over. And honestly, it was super chill - we stayed at mine for god knows how long, and then went to the records shop in town (that for some reason no one knows exists??) where I brought an ABBA cd that I will be blasting at full volume at some point over the summer. We hung out for what felt like an age, until my mum came home and I realised, oh shit, I have a concert I need to get ready for.

No major concert, just a local choir festival but still super important (and super fun) where we sang a couple of the songs we're going to be singing at the huge concert we're doing on Wednesday. The big Summer Concert. My final one, too, which is sad to think about.

But no need to dwell on that. I spent the majority of my time in the concert with Reagan, either stuffing my face with food, stopping them from keeling over or arguing that I'm not as small as the primary school kiddos. Harvey spent a good batch of the concert on him phone, only stopping to look for his ex girlfriend (from year six) in the local choir. She had a solo - and was an incredible singer, she has a very good voice. There was a child who kept making child noises which caused Alison to constantly be like "awww!!!"

She and Valerie have child fever and they're just 16- it scares me.

Because of this Elliot, sat behind Harvey, poked me and was like "Hey hey Alison likes small children-" and then paused, took in what he said, the look on my face, and was like "nO not like that-"

He apparently meant something else, and when I told Alison that's what he said she didn't get it, which made it even funnier-

Anyway the entire concert was just that, a concert, and (i know he's been gone a while) Andrew stole my squashies and gave them out to people (it's okay tho i got like 3)

And then my quavers were nicked by Reagan more times than I can count (I got a chonker pack from McColls) plus Harvey and Elliot as well.

One must go, I have band tomorrow and another concert on Sunday (the music grind never ends)

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Wednesday 21st June 2023 - The credits start to roll like the end of a movie /lyr

Song above got released on Friday and Spotify just didn't tell me - I'm fuming. Ethan Gander goes way too hard imo. I've decided on Fridays imma do release radar type thing where I talk about shit that got released by my favorite artists recently, because I can. Apologies for the lack of blog yesterday - I was having a little moment last night where I was angry, confused and sad all at the same time. That happens sometimes, but I'm better now. I spent yesterday with Valerie, Mattson and Alison, and it was interesting. Mattson took a ton of photos of us and in every single one I'm either giving him a deathstare or looking very dead inside. I ended up thirdwheeling in my home while watching Enchanted with Valerie and Alison basically sat on top of eachother. Today was a mix of time spent sleeping and then my afternoon spent vibing with Harley, Bella and Peter in the local park. Peter spent about 20 minutes chasing this one butterfly for a photo (he got it) and Harley and Bella started a cult. We went back to mine and then ate lunch and made gifs of eachother. Currently Harvey is harrasing me to get on warthunder and play with him, but Harley is practically holding me at gunpoint to make these blog posts so here we are. I'll hopefully be back tmr - if I remember. I've got practically no plans for tmr either, so that could be interesting ~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Monday, 18th June 2023 - Procrastinating chores

Mother woke me up this morning saying she wanted me to do four things;

1. Clean the summerhouse

2. Hoover the house

3. Put toilet duck down the toilets

4. Do my ironing

I only just finished 4 - I spent most of my day outside with Harvey or on call with him. Alison messaged me at about ten asking if I was going outside and if so if I could not rush so that she and Harvey could be alone together. I didn't tell him this, but he probably picked up on it, as he messaged me at some point asking me to go out and meet them - so I did. Alison had to be home by 12, so we wandered back to hers and then Harvey and I went and brought 4 lucozades for £2.50 (fuckin bargain), before heading to Mattson's to bully him into going outside. It didn't work. Lad had a tech exam this morning and was probably exhausted, but he has messaged Alison and I asking if we're free tomorrow, so I might be seeing him.

After our failure at getting Mattson to come outside, Harvey and I headed toward a park near mine, which has a tree in it nicknamed the "Cath Makeout Tree" by the council.

Actually, I made out with Mattson at a different tree in that park as well, but oh well.

We got there, and on it was scrawled a purple heart surrounding several different initials - C + J, C + M, C + S, C + R, C + W, courtesy of Bella. I'd been told before that that was there, but I didnt genuinely believe it until I saw it, and stared, open-mouthed at it, muttering "the little fucks" while Harvey giggled as he figured out what it was.

We continued to try and bully Mattson into coming outside, without success, until we decided it would probably be more worth our time if we went home and just sat on a discord call.

So that's what we did. Harvey played warthunder, I watched Rick and Morty (he's been bugging me into watching it for absolutely ages) and ate my lunch, and finally when I left the call at about 16:10 did I actually do what my mum had told me to do through today- plus feeding the cat.

Also, a bunch of clothes came today in the mail from Shein for when we go to Mexico in August - which I'm super hyped for, it's going to be incredible (but updates will be irregular while I'm there because of the time difference-). There's still another lot of clothes on their way, which include a genuinely gorgeous red dress I am so hyped to try when it comes. I still have to tidy my room though in preparation for college - it's an absolute monstrosity at the moment, and I intend to spend most of tomorrow morning tidying it if I don't go out and wreck havoc with Mattson and Alison (unlikely, we all just bully eachother)

Bonus(not for my dad tho): My dad has had a very unlucky day. First he got a puncture while cycling to work, then the handle of his favorite tiger tank 131 mug broke off and the mug sliced his three middle fingers, and then as he was talking about his bad day to my mum when he got home, he dropped his phone and now it's cracked. Can we have an F for my dad please he's had a rough day-

For now tho imma go - wish some luck for Matty tho, they're playing the new Zelda game at the moment and though it looks awesome it also sounds fucking difficult.

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Sunday, 18th June 2023 - Another Nothing Day

I just spent the best part of an hour arguing with Angel, Carter, Harley and Bella that I look nothing alike to Harvey.

Well, not necessarily me, but a photo of me from a year seven trip to Paris with Reagan. Peter was on my side - however the rest of the council seemed insistent we look alike.

For the record, we don't. Harvey himself doesn't think so-

Talking of Harvey, his eldest brother just graduated from Cambridge today, which is insane. He just got home and is bugging me into playing warthunder with him. Tomorrow, he, Alison and I might be going outside to do stuff (I don't actually know what yet though)

The highlight of my day was probably that while I was overthinking my ass off at an audition for Little Women at the local theatre, I was getting sent baby photos of basically the entire council, making me giggle like a fool the whole time. I also sent a really bad gif of 13-year-old me dancing like a loon in front of my phone which Bella is now abusing with various memes about us all.

Tomorrow could be interesting. Who knows?

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

bro wtf 💀

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Saturday 17th June 2023 - The Start of a Summer

Well, exams are over now. I'm free!! Some people still have exams next week though - only until the 21st. But I'm done. I'm out of there, of school.

At least until the 21st, when I'm going in for the school's windband because the concert is soon as hell and I've barely been to any rehearsals because of revision.

My half term like two weeks ago was interesting - I apologize for not talking about it sooner. In short, Mattson apologised about everything, ever, and now we're friends again. I have mixed feelings about it though - it feels like all the pain I went through after he left was for nothing. We talk now - his favourite movies are romcoms, he wishes he was born in the late 90s and he's sad we've left school because there are lots of things he's going to miss that he's never going to do or see again. I think we all feel like that.

I certainly do.

After all that, one time I was walking home with him, Harvey and Alison and I mentioned I've liked Janek for a while and never had the guts to ask him out. Mattson decided to play wingman and get me to ask Janek out.

Well, I agreed to it. I'm mad at myself for being so easily pressured into it, but I think and plan so damn fast and then overthink the hell out of it. So, on Tuesday, my last maths lesson sat next to Janek ever, I slipped him a note. On it said I thought he was a cool and chill guy and if he wanted to hang out over the summer.

He replied to me on discord that evening saying "I'm not sure."

It's not a no... but I haven't had a reply since, and Harley sent a message to him thru my phone last night asking if he wanted to hang out this weekend. Still no reply.

Since we basically finished yesterday, Matty held a pool party at theirs for the whole council to go to - Harley, Peter, Carter, Bella, Harry, Reagan and Angel, one of Harley's super chill friends who I went on a trip in year seven with. Matty's little brothers were there as well, and it was super fun.

We tried playing chicken jousting with me on Bella's shoulders and Reagan on Matty's, but we decided it probably wasn't smart as the pool definitely wasn't safe. Reagan dumped me in the water by picking me up bridal style and then simply dropping me, and from then on I was fucking freezing. Harry became a swamp monster and chilled in the pool for at least an hour, just vibing in a donut and telling me how I should deal with the Janek situation (and then Harley messaged Janek for me)

Bella was an absolute demon in the pool the whole time and there's a hilarious photo of her looking like she's gonna steal your soul at any second.

My signed shirt has doodles from her all over it lmao- a bit like my primary school signed shirt as well. Matty's party was seriously great though, and I hope at some point the lot of us will be able to meet up again before we get to college in September.

Today, I have done literally nothing except stare at the "Hi" message I got from Sheldon, of whom I cut off in January, and question what the hell he wants.

I sent a reply, simply stating "give me a good reason to trust you and maybe we can talk"

A compromise, of sorts. Because frankly, I don't trust a weasel who can't respect my boundaries. But I've learnt from Mattson that people can somewhat change.

Somewhat.

I'll be back tomorrow, probably doing nothing again. I do need to go thru all my old shit to make room for my shit for college tho - so that's basically my plan for this afternoon.

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Monday, 29th May - What in the déjà vu

Over the weekend, close to zilch happened - I messaged people, played war thunder and just took a very large break from revising.

Then today, mother whisked me away to M&S to buy some stuff for our summer trip; we're going to Mexico on a Tui resort for two weeks near the end of July. I'm super excited, and the clothes I got were pretty cool, too.

Then upon returning home I was hit with the realisation I really should do some english revision. So I sat down, did a question 3, picked up my phone and-

Bam.

From Harvey, two random ass texts; "CATH" "COME OUTSIDE W ME N MATT N ALISON"

To which internally I was telling myself I didn't read it right- but no, I checked my other messages and our old group chat had Mattson readded, the name changed to "Return of the Mattson", the profile photo changed to a badly photoshopped jedi with Mattson's face on it and various messages between Alison and Harvey agreeing to meet up.

So I did what any logical dumbass would do, and grabbed my bag, yelled goodbye to mother and sprinted out the front door to meet them.

And it was super chill - we started by playing truth or dare in one park, moved to another and climbed trees, had a bad arm wrestle between Mattson and Alison with Harvey as a table, Alison hugged a tree and Mattson tried to touch up Harvey more times than I could count.

It felt very normal, and not like old times. Like new times. Like we had all grown up a little and now came back and still could enjoy ourselves like we used to. It was nice.

Harvey invited us to go and play volleyball with him, but unfortunately none of us could make it, which seemed fitting. We are all busy people. And some things don't change - I still have a strict mother and struggling grades, Mattson is scared of social interactions and also has strict parents, Alison has years taken off her life devoted to violin practice, Harvey could take all three of us in a game of volleyball and flatten us-

So we went home, after an hour and a half of just chillin', and continued the revision. Wrote a dodge creative writing story, but it'll do, I suppose.

Next update? Uh- maybe Thursday or Wednesday, whenever something interesting happens I guess-

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Friday, May 26th - It's been a while

Bit of an understatement, that, isn't it? More like uh... five months.

I should give a quick rundown on what's occurred, which isn't much to be fair;

I got over Andrew, after I told Wyvern I liked Andrew without actually thinking through what I was doing. I know, I'm a fuckin idiot.

I got a crush on Janek. It's still here. Moving on-

I got invited to a discord server with Harvey's friendgroup and now I play warthunder with my own free will

Got a prom dress and arrangements for it and it's in like 6 weeks which is kinda scary to think about.

I have eight days of actual school left before technically I've gone. Which is definitely weird.

Carter, Bella, Matty, Harley, Reagan, Peter and Harry have gone through various different video games and have now settled on overwatch, which I am curious to hear about when I next speak to them (hey guys if you're reading this, i hope Matty's impression of me is good)

Clay and I are still best of buds, but they're going to Italy next week without me and I feel betrayed

Harvey and Alison are a lost cause, and by that I mean they're going to prom together but I have no clue where they stand with eachother, so frankly I give up

It was Bella's birthday on Wednesday and Matty's present for her was... god... it was something.

It was a t-shirt with a bunch of references that would take me years to explain printed on it, and it's fucking hilarious. The effort in it is everything-

I think that's everything important, apart from the fact that I'm pretty much slap bang in the middle of my gcses at the moment, and as are most of us.

Am I going to be back for good? No, absolutely not, I'll be gone again in about a week.

And then I intend on coming back over the summer, once we've finished exams for good - Harley and Peter suggested it several weeks ago and I thought it wasn't a bad idea.

But I was kinda bored and remembered this blog exists, so here we are. I'm on May half-term, a week of no exams before two more weeks of exams set in, and I may post again. Or not. We'll see.

~ Cath

[chronicallyonlinecath]

A Week of Feeling Just That Tad Bit Out of Reality

Breakdown;

Tuesday -

Average Tuesday, teased at break and lunch by Matty, Harley and co, chatting with Janek through maths, and I finished one of my compositions for music. Finished making it, that is. Still gotta make a score for it and write an 150 word essay about it

Wednesday -

Boring as ever, but with Windband at the end. Bonus - I was about to walk into the theatre to start to set up for Windband when Andrew called out to me "Hey Cath I'm not doing Windband today"

And i just yelled over my shoulder "good" and carried on down the hall, trying not to laugh when I heard all his friends go "ohhhhh" and "ooooo"

Harry proceeded to say me being happy about Andrew not being at Windband was because of me trying to squash down my feelings for Andrew. Which is partially true, but I'm not telling Harry that.

Thursday -

Sleepy day, boring, but okay. Big Band came and went, with me leaving a broken chair for Andrew when he came back from his Geography revision that he stared at and proceeded to sit on until i told him he could fix it, that it was an easy fix. That small inconvenience made him tolerable.

"The amount of sharps in this key signature... it's an issue" - Me

"You're an issue" - Andrew

"So are you-" - Me

Friday -

So apparently I'm Harley and Matty's surrogate mother and Harry is the surrogate father

He gives the sperm I carry the baby

Not that I even want to push a child out my body, but I'm not sure I have a choice at this rate. Oh, they also agreed if the group lives in a house I'm living in the tree outside

Frankly, I'll build myself a happy little treehouse to read books in tyvm.

Saturday -

Got my covid booster because I'm 16 now, and my left arm is all achey and I'm a tired boi.

I made an English and maths revision folder, then went on a walk to go read in a tree in the local park. On my way there, Harley and Matty drove past on their way to Harley's and Matty yelled at me out the window at me

Absolute jumpscare

Reading in trees is nice tho. Can't explain it, it's just calming and kinda comforting, yk?

After that, I went to Wini and Alison's 16th bday party. It was fun, but Harry was the only guy there and we sorta lounged on the outside of the socialisation until our social batteries completely drained. Harvey was supposed to be there, but he's been travelling by coach to Germany, where he'll stay until Tuesday.

This covid vaccine has made me super droopy-eyed n shit so imma go sleep and hope my achey arm doesn't keep me up

See ya on Wednesday

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Monday 6th February - doot. doot. doot. another one bites the dust

last week recap; (song basically sums how I feel rn)

Monday - Walked into English and had Ben and Cory, two of Wyvern's friends and cronies, creep up behind me and whisper "So how's Andrew?" And I instantly knew Wyvern had told everyone. Which he has, I can confirm. Monday was a blur of school and trying to avoid the judgmental-ass gazes of many people. Cory teased me throughout double English, and Ben teased me throughout double science. And then, it all added up in the grand finale of Maths, where the seating plan is a bit like; Wyvern - Andrew - Cory - Ben - Janek - Me

So Ben and Cory were turning around every second to sing "Cath and Andrew sitting in a tree-" While Wyvern turned around and gave me pointed looks. Andrew didn't look in my general direction at all, and I'm grateful. I don't think I would've been able to bear it, since they were teasing him as well as me. He already knew I liked him and didn't tell them himself, when he could've done. I was an absolute dumbass for telling Wyvern. But, I prayed everything would blow over eventually. And it has, it seems.

Tuesday - An average Tuesday, but I was relatively tired. I was trying to read my book and Sheldon wouldn't leave me alone, unfortunately. Everyone else seemed mildly peeved off with him as well. I'd tried setting boundaries with him, telling him t stop messaging me, to leave me alone, and he just didn't listen. I'd made it abundantly clear I wanted space.

He wouldn't give it.

Wednesday - I did my GCSE performance recordings for music; my solo took many attempts to get right, but my group didn't take long.

Sheldon still wouldn't leave me alone.

So, Harley, Matty, Bella, Harry, Peter, Reagan and I collectively planned to kick him out. To get rid of the overhanging ick that he brought with him. The guilty being that followed me everywhere.

Part 1 - I exploded at him on text. I admit, this wasn't originally the plan, but I simply couldn't deal with his whiny messages anymore. I exploded, told him to leave me alone, and blocked him.

Part 2 - Kick him out of the friend group entirely. There were many risks that came with this; he'd been kicked out of his old friend group and had threatened me in the past with. Well. Suicidal tendencies. Bella volunteered to kick him out, but Matty believed I should've done it. It's true, I should've done, but my soul lives in the music department.

Thursday - Part 2 was enacted at break, when I was with Alison being morale support for her GCSE performances. Harry told me about it;

The group moved from Sheldon, leaving him with Bella. Bella then told him, I'm not exactly how, to leave us alone. From what Harry said; me being uncomfy was used as a bit of a scapegoat. Which is a reasonable scapegoat, I must say. Sheldon's left me alone since then, and the group has been chaotically thriving.

I watched the school's production of Romeo and Juliet, and it was good, I enjoyed it. Before it though, I helped Alison and Andrew pack up training orchestra with all the young musicians. Andrew tried telling Alison's little brother how to commit arson, and I had to break the two apart.

Andrew and I then took a ton of cymbals back to the music department from the main hall, and we had a nice little convo. Twas nice, bearing in mind the entire school knows I like him thanks to Wyvern.

Friday - Chill, easy, kinda boring, basic. Lunch was funny tho; Harley and Matty stole my Romeo+Juliet programme I was getting signed and signed it themselves. It was... interesting. I also watched Little Women (2019) for the first time.

Saturday - Went to county band for the first time in about 2 months, and it was okay. Then I went and watched the new Puss in Boots movie with my parents and I adored it. Perrito is my favourite character, my dad thought he was called burrito until my mum and I corrected him.

Sunday - It was a Sunday. Need I say more? I went and sat in a tree with a monster and some eclairs tho and read a book in the afternoon which was very chill and very nice and i really enjoyed it.

Monday - A good day, calm, chill. Alison's birthday too, which was nice. Harley's been bullying me all evening into writing this, and within reason, it's been a long time since I did an update. I'll update again on Wednesday, and then again on Sunday.

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Sunday, 29th January 2023 - End of week recap

Right, let's go day by day (I am currently on a bunch call with Matty, Bella, Peter and Carter) I've been gone for a while, and I apologize. I suppose a lot has happened, and I just haven't had time to write these at night. I've actually been sleeping!!

Thursday - I brought a monster in the morning and practically chugged it in maths to avoid the comments about coping mechanisms coming from Wyvern&Co. Most of my day was relatively boring, but big band was entertaining, as usual. Wyvern spent most of it trying to persuade me as to why he was dating material + my type (I swear he's taken anyway) and then when Andrew came in from his geography revision sessions, he stole my sax's neck, stared at it as if he didn't know what he'd just done, and burst into a fit of endless laughter. Like an idiot, I joined him. Wyvern stared at us like we were insane. I suppose we are. However, Sheldon sent several odd messages tat made me question how he sees me. And I was mildly uncomfortable.

Friday - Chamber choir in the morning, followed by saxy brass, where Andrew wreaked havoc as usual. I spent chemistry arguing back and forth with Matty and Harry as to why I should not ask out Andrew, while Harry told me it would be better to be rejected than mope for forever. And that sent the cogs turning in my head. How hard could it be to ask out Andrew? Would it really be so bad if he rejected me? And the thought persisted into my head for the rest of the day. Until Sheldon asked me to hang out this weekend, and I denied, revealing I felt uncomfortable, to which he replied; "I know I make you uncomfortable just please get better at seeing me" I'm sorry, what? You've acknowledged you make me uncomfortable, and you're telling me to just get better? So I told him to leave me alone, and he has so far. So far.

Saturday - The question of asking out Andrew plagued me for most of the day. I walked into town with Wini and Harvey, and brought my mum, Alison and Wini stuff for their birthdays coming up soon. It was nice, since I didn't feel like I was third-wheeling, even though I basically was. They're good fun to walk about with though, and I was grateful for their company. The afternoon though, was spent overthinking and worrying about the one question pounding constantly into my brain; "What would happen if I asked out Andrew?" I went as far as consulting a friend from out of school who is basically my wife, and she told me to ask him out on call. Which I didn't, as I do not have the guts. In the end, I found myself consulting Wyvern, the last person I'd go to for advice in any other situation. Except, he's the closest person (other than Mattson) who I talk to who is friends with Andrew. I first had to confess I liked Andrew, and then asked two questions. 1) Would he make it awkward? 2) What would his answer be? Wyvern confirmed that Andrew would not make it awkward, but he would definitely say no. Not a 'very likely', a 100%, definite no. Which makes sense, and I saw it coming. Am I upset? No, not really. I didn't get rejected upfront. However, the risk of consulting Wyvern is the risk the entire school is going to find out. A risk I was willing to take, before my brain lost all sense of reasoning and actually asked Andrew out. Which would have been upfront rejection, and humiliation, no doubt. I am hoping Wyvern keeps his mouth shut. We'll see tomorrow, I suppose.

Sunday - And today was as usual, a boring, average Sunday. However, I did lots of homework, including a small box of origami roses for Alison for her birthday. And now Harley has joined the call. I'm not entirely sure what they're doing, but they're building planes and it's not going 100% to plan, I think. Tomorrow may be interesting. Perhaps.

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Wednesday, 25th January 2023 - Windband was on!! And Andrew was an ass-

Started the day playing sax in sax lesson, then headed off to double drama, which actually was really good because we were really productive. Then I died in double english, because;

I'm not sure if I've mentioned Wyvern before, but he's friends with Andrew, so that already flags him as a mischief maker. Well, there's a video circulating insta reels where it's like 'oh got your coping mechanism!! now, let's see what we got-' and this particular video said uh masturbation and i was like 'haha funneh, imagine, like and scroll'

That same video appeared in Wyvern's reels, and uh. He. Saw I liked it. And sent it w the fact I like it to a ton of his friends.

So I dealt with that, but it's okay, because it's not a permanent issue. I need to sleep asap so I can get up tomorrow and buy monster, because I want to. Yk.

I sat next to Matty in science and it made it 1000x better But this Morrison is tired

Gn dudes

~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Tuesday, 24th January 2023 - Harley's prized narration abilities

This kid decided to wake up today, it was a bad idea she should of stayed sleeping cuz this girl didn't have to wait in the cold for like 10 minutes,tbh idk why this kid just walks to school on their own like its not that difficult anyway moving passed the separation anxiety she has about walking to school then she decided to go to a spanish revision thing, which i dont go to set 3 vibes :’)) and she learnt about some tense at the spanish thing while eating biscuits and they better have been bourbons or custard creams or smth cuz otherwise she should have just walked out then and there, anyway she had a boring english lessons which was not a surprise it is her english class (probably dead as hell) and she got a bouncy ball of all things lobbed at her head by her history teacher of all teachers like thats just a weird thing for a history teacher to own like i would expect one of those plastic toy soldiers or a babys first nuke but a boucny ball no anway girly procceded to call the history teacher bad and then he clapped back with a year 7 insult your face is bad, then she hung out with the friendos as she calls us (fucking weird ass name) and i straightened my hair and girly said it looked amazing and i got so many complement from it today im absolutely so happy anyway then i was fucking cold as always then girly procceded to say “WhY DonT YoU JuSt pUt tHeM On mAtTy’S ChEsT tO wArM tHeM uP” and then Reagan came the the rescue and proceed to hit girly on the head with a water bottle 1-0 (Reagan is a girlboss for doing this)and then girly went and did her HiGhEr tEiR pApEr and probably failed cuz girly is dumb (hopefully she failed) and she stole someones (Janek - CM) calculator halfway thru and he wasnt very happy about it so girly was nice and gave it back and then she came back to see us a break which didnt last long cuz she hates us and ran way to her other friends ofc cuz they were on duty in the warmth (Mattson, Alison and Valerie - CM) not in the freezing cold, she then worked on her composition in music (dead subject btw like who takes a subject like music) then girly ate more biscuits and did maths revisions with peter, bella and andrew (i did maths revision my teacher said i mess about in class then don't at the revision so there was no point in me going ) anyway andrew was next to them like fully side-by-side sitting on top of them cuz he's weird like that and idk if he knew that he was basically sitting on top of them but he was helping someone with the answers so girly ofc didn't say anything (probs enjoying it tbh) however boss man is gluten free (idiot man) So he couldn't eat the biscuits and then girly went and bullied harry about his dumb composition with alison and then girly walked home again (should have stayed at school cuz she basically lives there) ~HS

And then I decided to let Harley write today’s blog

Bad idea?

probably. ~CM

[chronicallyonlinecath]

Monday, 23rd January 2023 - How To Rob A Bank /j

Bella and Harley might actually rob one though, who knows. They did make a powerpoint on it.

Not allowed to share the plans though.

Today was relatively boring, double english being hell followed by double science being hell followed by music being taken up by RSHE which was hell and I'd have much rather done music, and then maths, which was okay.

At the moment I've been listening to Chuckle Sandwich a lot more often again (Charlie and Schlatt are screaming at eachother in my ears rn) and it's been nice since I just. Haven't listened to them much recently, and I forgot how much they make me laugh.

Harley wants daily mentions with the way she greets me, so we have those to look forward to. Oh yeah, and the goddamn maths test tomorrow. Didn't do nearly enough revision for that. I'm sure I'll be fine tho, right?

Well, hopefully something will happen tomorrow...

~CM