collegequips - Tumblr blog

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"Russia is a scaley"

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"Every time I talk to you I am reminded: ah yes, Silver is going to be a dominatrix when she grows up."

- Lagoon when Silver was talking about boys again.

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Divorce

So Silver had a guy friend she dated this past semester and it ended with the dude wanting to not talk again and that "if they are at mutual events or friend hang outs then they can talk".

Here are some quotes from Lagoon on the subject

°In reference to that guy waving at another friend of Silver's, thinking that they are friends - "You fool! You have fallen for my trap card: Church Acquaintance!"

°In reference to all mutual friends taking Silver's side - "We haven't been to court yet....but if you haven't noticed, the kids haven't seen you in a month... And they aren't going to."

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Playing DnD

P1: "I'm chaotic neutral"

P2: "That's chaotic debatable"

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My dad changed the locks on our house so my key only works in some of them now so this is a conversation i just had: Me: Hey, sorry i didnt answer the phone, i was busy cramming my upper body through the dog door so i could unlock the door from the inside K: (hysterical laughter) Me: .... (hysterical laughter) K: That is the BEST excuse you could have possibly had

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There are two genders:

- Likes building IKEA furniture - Hates building IKEA furniture

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K: I sucked this guy’s dick in his front yard while Z waited in the car. 

J: I’ve fucked around in a patch of grass on the side of this girl’s house before.

Z: ... I pooped in the patch of grass on the side of my house once. 

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(Heard at IHOP) Take it out of my fucking tuition!

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Health and Safety

Lagoon and Silver: hear knocking a few doors down, followed by: HEALTH AND SAFETY!!! Lagoon: AHHG Silver and Lagoon, simultaneously: FUCK (Cue frantically putting things away)

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(Context: just finished two episodes of Hannibal, Lochness is asleep against Silver’s side)

Silver: Are you asleep?

Lochness: mmph. no.

Silver: “no”, they say, as they slide down onto the bed and snuggle against my side.

Lagoon: Ah yes, falling asleep to the soothing sounds of murder. 

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Bean Dip

(Context: we are sitting on the couch eating bean dip) Silver: We're both gonna be farting so bad after this. (10 minutes later) Lagoon: *whispers* It's starting. Silver: What? Lagoon: *farts loudly*

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Lagoon, a white person: ugh, white people

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Lagoon: *farts*

Silver: Dude!!!!

Lagoon: I am in my own bed under a blanket and I will fart if I want to!

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Silver’s boy toy: She’s a bitch!

Lagoon: *whispers* I’m a bitch.

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Lagoon: I don’t need Mr. Moseby staring at me and judging me for my failures.

Silver: *whispers* no failures in my lobby

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Silver’s friend: What’s crazy is there’s this muscle that exists specifically to protect the balls, so when you get kicked, it yanks them back up. Like you can feel them in your stomach, like “out of the way, refugees here!” And you never use those muscles so its like lifting 1000 pounds without every working out, and honestly I think that’s what really hurts. 

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Silver: And she was like “what do you do with the balls?” and I was like “idk man i’ve never even seen his, I just leave them in his pants.” 

Silver’s friend: Just leave them alone! You don’t want someone messin’ with your Fallopian tubes! They’re not for you!