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Time moves diagonally

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I AM A SLAVE TO THESE MUFFINS

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I may just start sending completely unrelated images alongside messages to completely confuse people. They’ll be looking for a secret meaning but there is none. I just sent a photo of a rotisserie for shits and giggles man. I have no secrets

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I started doing the Michael Jackson moonwalk in front of my mom, cried out “HEE HEE,” then she promptly asked:

“Did you take your meds?”

I had not taken my meds.

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Man I love that monthly occurrence of trying to sleep and then:

You’re going to die. You’re going into an endless void.

Thanks brain. Wanted to sleep, but thanks I guess.

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Anyone else listen to a SINGLE ARTIST so much that they know every single song just by the first five seconds of it?? And when a friend is humming it and is like “what’s this song, I forgot what it’s called…” you immediately pull up like “that’s Touch Up.”

Like I know EVERY song by Mother Mother, I think. I have a joke where I hear the first 2 seconds and immediately go “Ooohhh shit it’s this banger: [lists entire lyrics as fast as possible]”

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Yesterday at work, I tendered a transaction that came up to 69.69…

I stayed composed… somehow??

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I will never understand people who like to wear thongs. I’m not Judging. I just, personally, cannot handle the feeling of something constantly in my ass. Does it make you guys feel more alive to constantly deal with the pain of your ass ripped in half by a pair of underwear??

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Man I sure do love it when ꁅꁲꋰꀯꐇꂑꈼꂑꈼꋊꂠ꒻ꄞ ꌅ꒻ꀗꈼꀗꁲ꒒ꁲꀗꌚꋊꄞ ꁅꁲꁅꁲꍩꂠꍩꂠ꒻ ꒻ꂠ꒻ꂠ ꁷꂦꁲꂑꌚ꒻ꋊꄞ

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Me looking super awesome and cool as I dismantle a bicycle to replace its tubes only to explode the first tube I put in…

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How to wake up in time for a shift earlier than your body will wake up:

Step 1: Don’t sleep

Alternatively:

Step 1: Set alarms around every 2 hours. Multiple. If your body goes into a deep sleep, you’re fucked. Sleeping like ass is better than not sleeping at all, methinks

Step 2: have a body that actually can handle this and already naturally wakes up multiple times throughout the night so this is not its first rodeo and you don’t feel like shit when you wake up, just a little tired

Step 3: profit(?)

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Man I FUCKING LOVE gallivanting

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Guys, if you thought porn was crazy, I heard they are releasing porn 2 soon

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I HAVE HAMPTER

I HAVE HAMPTER I HAVE HAMPTER OMG I HAVE HAMPTER

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My brother:

“You guys are lucky. I haven’t been infected with brain rot”

He’s 10? He said it like it’s a bad thing, but the wording makes it sound like he’s envious

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Just got a message that says:

“Your ACT test is approaching”

Like this??? Is that supposed to be a threat?? It sounds like one

And it immediately made me think of the JoJo meme

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I’m thinking I should try pursuing a degree in the musical arts!!

(In my defense, the application won’t let me tie two different types of notes for some reason. This is terrible to look at. I might crumble and die)