conditioned-contaminants

[conditioned-contaminants]

[conditioned-contaminants]

the scariest thing of having your brain blocking out bits of traumatic memories is that you’re always afraid people won’t believe you because you don’t remember enough

[conditioned-contaminants]

[conditioned-contaminants]

Isolation on autopilot?

Oh damn, this is super interesting. Relatable, too. From the Coping book:

[conditioned-contaminants]

It seems it may have been quite a bit worse than we thought. Unfortunately it's not really like we can tell anyone about the details.

[conditioned-contaminants]

Every now and then we catch the sound of distant screams of children in the far corners of the mind, before it's hidden away once again

[conditioned-contaminants]

The floodgates may not yet be open but there is still water leaking through a hare-line crack

[conditioned-contaminants]

repeatedly looking inside and finding nothing

[conditioned-contaminants]

Common advice includes "ask a gatekeeper", and while it is likely the system has at least one gatekeeper, there doesn't seem to be one on the front layer. We do have a layer administrator, however it does not like any of the accessible alters, and it doesn't "speak" in words. Internal communication only seems to possibly between alters that front regularly, and we don't know non-regularly alters to front to try external communication.

It seem as though all the conversational advice for system communication just does not particularly work for us

[conditioned-contaminants]

It seem as though all the conversational advice for system communication just does not particularly work for us

[conditioned-contaminants]

We honestly have hardly any idea what in our/the body's childhood, we were under the impression that we know most of what happened. However we are increasingly coming to believe that we don't actually know much of anything.

[conditioned-contaminants]

May start using this blog for more traditional life journaling, instead of just being vague

[conditioned-contaminants]

questioning HC-DID culture is asking "am I stretching the definition of programming to fit my trauma, or am I just looking for excuses to say I haven't been programmed?"

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[conditioned-contaminants]

my new hobby is saying “sorry I’ve been in a weird place recently” like I’ve ever been in a normal place to begin with

[conditioned-contaminants]

“your trauma doesn’t define you” no actually it does. it dictates every aspect of my shitty life.

[conditioned-contaminants]

We need to make ourselves useful, they won't leave us if we're useful. We need to make ourselves useful, they won't hate us if we're useful. We need to make ourselves useful, they won't hurt us if we're useful. We need to make ourselves useful, they won't brake us if we're useful. We need to make ourselves useful, they won't leave us if they can use us. We need to make ourselves useful, they won't hate us if they can use us.

We need to make ourselves useful, they won't hurt us if they can use us.

We need to make ourselves useful, they won't brake us if they can use us.

We need to make ourselves useful...

We need to make ourselves useful...

We need to make ourselves useful...

We need to make ourselves useful...

We need to make ourselves...

We need to...

We need...

[conditioned-contaminants]

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