confessionsofabicon - Tumblr blog

[confessionsofabicon]

Maybe I am a unicorn...

I’ve been thinking about me and my feelings about romance and relationships a lot recently. I realized awhile ago that I am grayromantic, simply meaning I do not experience romantic feelings very often. Even when I was younger, I didn’t have crushes in the traditional sense. I would really want to be friends with people, because of the admiration I felt for them. I would say I wouldn’t be opposed to dating them if I was asked, but I never was starry eyed in love with someone. My fondness for other people happens only after we’ve gotten to know each other better. I care greatly for my friends, and I’ve always valued friendships over a romantic relationships.

I’ve only been in two romantic relationships in my 22 years of life, only lasting about 6 months each. Otherwise, I’ve felt like a relationship is a big emotional commitment, and I don’t feel that I am emotionally prepared for that at most times. I think I’m weird because I feel like you can do most of the things in a relationship with friends. I give my friends gifts, go on “dates”, and even kiss etc. Maybe my brain is just too silly and I should open myself up to that, but I don’t like how limiting some relationships can be. It’s probably about finding the right person.

So why do I think I’m a Unicorn? Well I enjoy the times I’ve gotten to interact with the couples I have in the past. Both together and separately. I like being able to be there for either person and kind of being involved but superfluously. I can give them gifts and hang out, but not feel emotionally drained. But maybe that’s just because I’ve had a bleh time.

In any case, I’ve been thinking about polyamory and stuff like that for myself as well, I think it may be a part of my identity but I’m not sure. Unicorn is always like an almost derogatory word, but I felt like it was the best to describe my conundrum. It’s better than being called a whore in this case. Which someone did use as a way to describe me to an uninvolved party. Which I laughed at but still kinda felt weird... Learning about this part of my identity is really confusing.

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STOP SLAMMING THE FUCKING DOOR YOU FUCKING BITCH!

Also stop shutting the door period. It is my fucking room too.

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Why do people think it is ok to walk into a room where the door is closed or all but closed without knocking? Guess I just have to sit in my room naked next time to teach them a lesson.

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People always act like technology is so easy. People are dumb.

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Guy: “I know you like me because you complimented me.”

Me: “I was just being nice. It’s not that deep bro.”

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Having the good real spicy times after a bad time is so good.

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My therapist told me I need to do things for myself to make my mental health better. I’m mad because all the things that would help me feel better involve me having to ask other people to hang out and I don’t want to bother people.

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Why do I gotta be Sad Boi all the time.

Why my feelings gotta get hurt so easily.

That’s pretty dumb.

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Girls I’ve met on tinder: talk to you for a bit then add you on Snapchat then never speak to you again.

Boys I’ve met on tinder: talk to you for months, fuck you, seem really genuine, then disappear for No reason

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I’m thinking about starting a YouTube channel again, though I have no fancy technology or anything like that, I kinda just wanna try it. . .

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Love when you have to remake something for a group and then they don’t even use what you remade. Makes you feel amazing.

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One of my friends worries me. She talks about drinking and how she drinks to get in a place. For me this is terrifying. She is in an environment where she has too much easy access to alcohol and I just want to tell her to stop, but it’s her life. It doesn’t matter what I say.

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I lost my cool sandals yesterday. I don’t know how, because I’m pretty sure they were in my room last night, but when I needed them I couldn’t find them. Then I lost my bookmark in my bed this morning. Literally have been looking for these two things all day and have no idea where they could be. Bet an inter dimensional demon stole my stuff.

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When you trying to de stress and your roommate walks in. Tears

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So I was painting the other day and one of my professors from freshman year walked into the room and put a lamp down and left. Then turned the lights off. It’s funny when you forget that you’re tiny and then the world reminds you.

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You ever have dreams about your first high school crush and then look them up on the internet like, wonder if they are a Kraft™️ single like me, only to be met with photos of being in a long term relationship? Just your average Saturday night.

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Just sitting here still being upset that tumblr doesn’t allow NSFW content. You know how it be. m(_ _)m