confessionsofalighter

[confessionsofalighter]

Famine pt.5

[3]

And so, I fell into a new routine.

I would only visit the stores when Lucia had a shift, which was usually during the night or late afternoon. We gave each other our numbers and texted each other frequently. We thrived in each other's company. Everytime we met up her eyes would glow that strange honey-yellow. 

And it wouldn’t fade.

Yet there was this unspoken shadow looming over our heads.

My curse.

I had not told her yet, and nor did I plan to. I wanted my last few months alive to be filled with happiness and not tainted with the dark shadows of my curse. I know she suspected something, but she hadn’t asked anything.

It was starting to get worse, spreading much quicker than before. Progressing across my body like a plague sweeping through a town of people, making quick work of each person.

I was standing in front of my mirror, staring at my gaunt body.

I gingerly lifted up my shirt exposing my side, flinching when I caught sight of the bloody mess.

I was starting to rot.

The skin over my lower ribs were peeling away, exposing a blackened, bloody wound. It was surrounded by my ghastly pale skin and a myriad of purple and red blisters. One was oozing this horrible viscous liquid.

I was so thin my ribs showed through my taught skin, the shadows cast by my lamp only accentuated the sharp angles of my bones. No matter how much I ate to quench the hunger of the demon inside me, it would not cease its endless craving. It was as if it was all dropping into the void that was now my stomach, such a vast space that it was impossible to ever fill up.

I touched my wound gingerly, my finger came away sticky and red. 

It’s so much worse than yesterday, I thought, how much longer do I really have left?

I bandaged it carefully, making sure not to get blood everywhere.

It was strange though, I felt no pain.

Instead, it felt welcoming.

Deep down I knew what it was, rot returning to rot. This was the fate of anyone who ever bore the curse of one of the Four. It had barely been five years since the day the strange lady came to meet me when I was seventeen years old. When I was still only in highschool.

I thought death would be more painful than this, I thought, resting my hand on my newly bandaged ribs.

It’s surprisingly peaceful.

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[confessionsofalighter]

Famine pt.4

When I reached my apartment, I collapsed onto my bed and stared at my roof. This new feeling bubbling inside my chest.

I didn’t dare to even think of the name.

The name of the feeling I lost so so many years ago.

But could it be? 

No.

Yet the thought still hovered at the edge of my mind, tantalisingly close, but I was not bold enough to reach that final distance.

I can now see the light of the moon peeking out from the clouds. It was there all along, I just needed to find it. 

I just needed someone to part the clouds for me.

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[confessionsofalighter]

Famine pt.3

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The sun was setting, and I continued to watch until the stars could be seen twinkling vaguely through the clouds and smog. They winked at me, reminding me of the sly manner of the old lady that had come to see me that one fateful day. What lay beyond those stars was a mystery to me, yet I presumed I would see it soon. My body was slowly deteriorating and would not last much longer.

From what I knew, there was no way to reverse this accursed spell that had been placed on me.

I had long since lost hope.

An image of yellow eyes flashed in my mind. Her eyes were haunting me, following me around and carefully scrutinising my every move.

It unsettled me.

Something’s different about her.

So I made a promise to myself.

And a plan.

[2]

I walked to the supermarket, sweat dripping between my shoulder blades. It soaked into my scrappy linen shirt, making it stick to my back. 

The sliding doors opened with a ding, and I walked in.

I decided to buy something so I wouldn’t look too suspicious. 

It was late and there weren’t many people, they would probably clear out soon now that I was there.

This time I decided to go to an assisted checkout.

I scanned them looking for Lucia, sure enough, there she was. Still scrolling on her phone, head tipped down, in an odd dejected way. Her wavy, dirty-blond hair made a curtain around her face, shrouding her eyes.

I strode over, feigning a confidence I did not feel. I placed my can of beans on the counter, and looked up.

She continued to scroll.

“Excuse me?” My voice cracked.

She looked up, “Ah, sorry.”

“No, problem,” I smiled uncomfortably.

She scanned the singular can of kidney beans.

“Cash or card?”

“Cash, thanks.” I scanned her eyes for any trace of yellow, but not even a spark of recognition lit up her eyes.

Well, I’m not surprised she doesn’t recognise me, I thought, She probably sees so many people like me everyday.

I paid, slightly put out.

“Would you like a bag, Gray?”

I smiled, widely, unable to hide my surprise and joy, “Yes, please, Lucia.”

She grinned at me, and I smiled back.

Her eyes lit up yellow again, but this time it didn’t fade.

* * *

I walked home in a daze, not even noticing the dog sleeping at a doorstep as I walked past. It was very rare for me to see a dog, and when I did it instantly made my day. Instead my head was filled with the pure yellow colour of Lucia’s eyes. That owlish yellow, glazed with honey, yet anything but sweet.

They made me feel this certain way. It was a feeling that I had lost long ago, skewered and pinned to the lapel of the strange lady who had walked away from me.

Who had left me collapsed on the street and I could only watch in despair as the streets slowly started to empty, no one ever noticing me, no matter how hard I cried.

I watched her walk away with my hope that day, and all that she left me with was this damned curse.

[confessionsofalighter]

Famine pt.2

*Read pt.1 before reading this! It is a direct continuation. Hope you like it ^^

Something’s different, I thought, but I can’t tell what.

“Yes? Do you need assistance?”

“Oh, yes. I need help with the self checkout.” I said, finally regaining my words.

“Sure thing, just a moment please.” She ducked behind the counter and grabbed a lanyard.

As I led her over to my checkout I tried to place the strange feeling that had overcome me the moment I met her eyes.

She scanned her lanyard and entered the code, and within a moment my problem was fixed.

As she turned to go I was compelled by this strange urge to say something, anything.

“Um, what’s your name?” I blurted out, mortified.

She turned back, and again I saw that yellowish spark in her eyes.

“Lucia,” she said, pointing to her nametag.

Her phone buzzed once and lit up, but she ignored it.

I nodded and smiled shyly, “I’m Gray. Thanks for helping me.”

Lucia smiled faintly and walked back to the checkout bay.

* * *

I sat at my table, staring into nothing, completely ignoring the steaming bowl of instant ramen before me. The steam curled around my face, making these little swirls, so dainty and pretty, unlike myself.

My mind was engulfed in the thought of those yellow, owlish eyes of Lucia. But suddenly the sound of a wailing siren shattered my daydreams. 

I started and my elbows, which were resting on the table, jerked knocking the bowl of ramen.

A fat droplet splattered and burst onto my thigh.

“Ah!” I jumped up and hopped around the room, desperately trying to cool off the burning patch on my thigh. I staggered to the sink and rinsed it off checking the damage.

Not too bad,  I thought thankfully.

There was a small red patch on my thigh, a slightly raised bump that looked like a strange creature was embedded under my skin. Lying still and waiting for the right moment to break to the fragile layer of skin and crawl into the world, still dripping with my fresh wet blood.

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[confessionsofalighter]

Famine pt.1

I walked through the desolate streets, the streetlights seemed to wash everything with this horrible, sickly grey pallor. It reminded me of the hollow face of a starving child.

The cobbles underneath my bare feet were cold and unforgiving, and the sides of the streets were piled high with black trash bags and broken glass. I headed to the supermarket to stock up on food and drinks.

The streets were nearly completely empty, the only other person I could see was an old Japanese man wearing headphones and a long black coat. There weren’t even any signs of animal life. I rarely came in contact with people, it seemed as if everywhere I went people would unconsciously give me a wide berth, although I could observe them from my apartment window just fine. A bustling street would soon become sad and cold, vacant of any life shortly after I stepped out there. Even the cicadas would pause their eternal cycle of infernal screeching.

I did not want to cause anybody any inconvenience so I tended to stay in my apartment most days, and if I did need to venture out to buy food I would only go out during late afternoon or night.

I heard a siren go off in the distance, and I wondered what had happened. A myriad of situations flicked through my head, each one more horrible and traumatic than the last.

I was pulled out of my reverie by the glaring lights of the supermarket. It was a familiar sight and a comfort for me, I could feel the seemingly bottomless pit of my stomach yawning open, begging for nourishment. I felt as if I was slowly being twisted, being turned inside out and falling into the black hole that was my endless hunger. Although, it was not only food I was hungry for. I longed for human contact and love as well.

I do not think that is part of my curse, but rather a natural side effect of my hermit-like tendencies and society's rather extreme aversion to me.

The supermarket doors opened with a ding. I entered and scanned the shelves for my go-to snacks. The pale glow of the lights hurt my eyes.

I went to the self checkout and started scanning the barcodes on my food.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Suddenly the scanner lit up red and the screen read ‘Error scanning item, please look to staff member for help’.

I glanced around the supermarket, it seemed to be deserted. I sighed and walked over to the other checkout isles to look for someone.

The only person I could see was a young woman, about my age, scrolling on her phone behind the checkout bay. She wore the uniform of a staff member so I walked over and called out for help. She looked up, and met my eyes. 

For a confusing second I saw her eyes glow bright yellow, like an owl. But when I blinked again they were just an ordinary chestnut brown.

I was so stunned my words left me for a moment, she kept looking at me expectantly.Something’s different, I thought, but I can’t tell what.