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[Three young Sannin, on a KIA retrieval mission, somewhere in the middle of nowhere.] Tsunade: You lost a corpse? Jiraiya: I didn’t lose it. It got away from me. Tsunade: How? It damn well didn’t get up and run off! Jiraiya: Sort of did a drop and roll. But I found some booty and a bag of medicaments instead. Tsunade: You Lost Our Corpse!! Orochimaru: …You jeopardized our mission success for sex and drugs? Jiraiya: The drugs were unintentional. I couldn’t just leave a bag of assorted pharmaceuticals unattended. Anyone could’ve picked it up! Orochimaru: Yeah, …You did. Tsunade: Guys! Forget the drugs! What about our corpse!? Orochimaru: Forget the corpse. It ain't nothing special. These drugs on the other hand, endless possibilities. Tsunade: You're picking drugs over a corpse? Orochimaru:*rummaging through the bag* Yes. Tsunade: ... *Checks Orochimaru for a fever*

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non-writers will never understand the mental illness of writing an entire conversation in your head while doing dishes and then forgetting every word the second you open a blank doc

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Look who I found.

I'm guessing Kakashi has relatives he never told us about.

Cousin of yours, Kakashi?

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One of the most unhinged things I've ever heard a doctor say (and they a lot of unhinged things) was when I was on a school ski trip. One of my classmates fell and hit herself in the face with the ski. Her nose was a bloody mess. Since she didn't speak the language she asked if I could go with her, as a translator, to see the doctor the resort provided. We get there. The doctor takes one look at her and says "Oh, you must be on your period. You see, when a woman is on her period the pressure inside the uterus can get so high the blood gets pushed out of the uterus and into the sinuses and comes out her nose." I sat there, 11-years old, and thought 'I don't even want to translate this...'

I'm not sure what was worse. The anatomy or the audacity. Or the logic... A patient at a ski resort comes in with a bloody nose and the first thing you jump too is period blood coming out of her nose? That's a jump not even a flee could achieve on the surface of the moon!

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Melon? Peach? Lichee? ...Tomato?

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Mitsuki puts it into perspective. He looks a lot like kid Orochimaru but healthier. There's a lot which points to Oro being malnourished during the Naruto series. Not just appearance but clothing and mental health also points at it. Bulky, over-sized clothes that can hide a lot. This is a go-to for many people who are uncomfortable with their gauntness. Fat stores heat. Very skinny people are often cold and big clothes are used not just to hide but to stay warm. We also often see Orochimaru rest one of their arms inside their clothes or across their midsection. This may mean nothing more than that, a place to rest their arm, but it is a move I've seen a lot people with low bodyweight often do casually. It can be a subconscious way of body checking, a defense or anxiety. When you're malnourished your brain struggles. It's all over the place and it's hard to think straight. Your emotions and ability to empathise in a way doesn't work normally. You can become impulsive, irrational, obsessive and prone to outbursts, refusing to see error. Couple this with C-PTSD and a less than ideal childhood... It is not the sole reason why Oro's mental health is the way it is in Naruto but it can be a contributing factor. I'm glad to see Oro is healing in the Boruto series.

i’m not the only one who thought orochimaru looked emaciated in her naruto appearances, right? and that she looks so much healthier in boruto? i can’t be the only one who feels this way

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Orochimaru’s personal “lab” that Hiruzen catches him in. I’d just like to point out that all of these experiments (cadavers) appear to be adult males. Keep in mind that Konoha is a military village and nearly all able-bodied adult citizens are Shinobi or retired Shinobi. These men aren’t IRL little Timmy’s innocent dad from down the road who coaches little league and wouldn’t hurt a fly; logically, they’re likely battle-hardened ninja who have blood on their hands. They could also very well be POWs/enemy Shinobi.

People love to cite the child experiments as Orochimaru’s worst offense —a series of experiments that was funded and organized by Danzo while Orochimaru was working under him in the organization with the purpose of researching Hashirama’s cells. People often forget that case/experimental study wasn’t Orochimaru’s personal DOE. And what was he supposed to do—say no? lol. There is always a choice, yes, but Shinobi are trained to follow orders regardless of personal opinions or ethical objections.

Anyway, my point is that here we can see evidence that Orochimaru likely had some moral code as far as choosing candidates for experimentation. Most of the jutsu we know he was working on wouldn’t have required gender- or age-specific subjects. And if he were choosing targets at random or by ease of capture alone, we’d surely see many children (easy prey) or at least a handful of women here. Instead, we see a room entirely comprised of what appear to be adult males which leads me to believe he may have only sacrificed women and children when absolutely necessary.

Maybe this changed as time went on but, at least before he defected and went rogue, I think he might have had standards. I dunno. Something to think about, hm? 🤔

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I think it’s funny that there’s one sentence Mitsuki can never say. Especially not in front of Konohamaru or Sakura or Tsunade or Yamato or anyone like that. And it’s the one sentence spoken by every single kid who has ever done something stupid they’re guaranteed to get in trouble for:

“My parent is going to kill me.”

Imagine the chaos if Mitsuki were to IDK lose one of his bottles of “essential vitamins” or something like that and he goes for the hyperbole “My parent is going to kill me.”

O_O

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Such grace

I just needed to have one of those moments were my brain silently snickers like a nasty ass bitch and Jiraiya with lipstick did the trick.

We all know the feel

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I'm gonna share this brainrot

Let's take a moment to appreciate this scene. These guys haven't seen each other in years (presumably (there are some things in the manga that makes me question if these two were not in cahoots to some degree)). Anyway, if someone is "just a friend" you don't comment on their eyes first thing after seeing them. That's rather odd.

Jiraiya, my man... when you see your disillusioned, slightly gender ambiguous, teammate after, presumably, years and the first thing on your mind is their "...wild eyes..." Said in such a suggestive manner, with that pervy look on your face. You're definitely going over a memory, or a late night fantasy. THIS MAN IS FLIRTING!

Commenting on someone's eyes. Is that how guys who haven't seen each other in years talk to one another when they meet up again? I don't think women would do that either. Women can say stuff like "love what've done with your hair" or "your makeup looks great" But commenting on their eyes.... That's something you tell and old flame you never got over... IMO.

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If Mitsuki had Orochimaru's hair quality, long and straight, he would have looked surprisingly a lot like Dan...

Oro definitely has a thing for light haired people. Jiraiya, Tsuna, Kabuto, Sakumo and now Dan... Log/Rogu, Mitsuki, even Suigetsu...

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They were those kids

Thinking about preteen sannin in a dark room playing around with a ouijaboard. Jiraiya is scared shitless and in tears because "Stop moving the thing!". Tsuna and Oro both swear up and down they're not moving it. Despite them having moved the pointer several times, just to mess with Jiraiya and give him outlandish prophesies and nonsensical advice for shits and giggles. But they're also not moving it some of the time. It just moves on it's own but those times Oro thinks it's Tsu and Tsu thinks it's Oro. Who's moving the pointer? Who knows. Jiraiya is convinced it's either his two shithead teammates or vengeful spirits.

Years later Oro finds Tobirama's notes on Edo Tensei and it brings them back to their Ouijaboard game nights with the other sannin. Because Edo Tensei is just the scientifically applied effect of a Ouijaboard.

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I'd pay good money to see Orochimaru's kids interact with Kabuto

Log: Hey Mitsuki, look. This is our parent's old henchman.

Kabuto: Well, I wouldn't really use that term for it but-

Mitsuki: Oh, you mean the sicko?

Kabuto: Excuse me??

Log: Mitsuki, the word is not sicko - it's sycophant.

Kabuto: ...If I'd had access to Orochimaru's lab when you two were gestating, I would have put you both in blenders.

Log: Why? So you could inject our liquid forms and go back to your scaly days?

Mitsuki: I think I'd be a delicious smoothie 😊

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Crackship

Saw someone ask about crackships and it got me thinking about this nasty little bug of an idea that's been living off my brainrot rent free.

Let me set the stage: The ship is Mitsuki X Mirai (Boruto. Specifically Blue Vortex Mitsuki, 'cuz he's got teenage Oro energy (like Oro when they were back in Root working for Danzo. Mitsuki in BV gives off the same vibes.) A time travel fic back to the Chuunin exam arc in OG Naruto. Which means Hiruzen is still around. Now, this is not because I think MitsukiXMirai is in any way a good couple. There's an age difference I haven't done the math on... But, it's all worth it to imagine the look on Hiruzen's face when he finds out his granddaughter is dating Orochimaru's son.

I suck lifeforce out of imagery like that.

Bonus: Imagine Chuunin exam era Oro finding out they've got a kid and said kid is dating their Sensei's granddaughter.

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Orochimaru when asked why they would attack Konoha😋

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Finally gave colour to my old pic.

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⌕ naruto: team hiruzen • orochimaru.

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