coolnomemory

[coolnomemory]

i have a work crush on my coworker. obviously my friends then get text updates about my life. i type in a stream of consciousness and hit send after every sentence. it took 30 minutes to text my friend about just today with this man. i may be delusional who knows.

highlights include:

"…. in hindsight i should have said yes so he would go but i digress"

"mans actually looked jealous for a minute until (other male coworker) came back into the room (rude of him)"

"and the second we make eye contact we both fall over laughing"

"and they hadnt left yet and (work crush's) like im in charge

and im like uh huh sure you are

you can be in charge back here, ill be in charge of everything else

(fucking (coworker i dont like) butts in RUDELY interrupting my delusional flirty moment in which i wanted to say something along the lines of make me but I DIGRESS)"

"i then have a (empty plastic) water bottle thrown at me 

making me squeak bc projectile

and im laughing so hard

and he is trying to look mad at me but hes lowkey smiling?"

that concludes my delusional chronicles. if im not delusional let me know bc i sure as hell wont notice

[coolnomemory]

whenever people talk about needing a break, they always mean they want a vacation. like no, i just want a week of nothing so i can catch up on laundry and cleaning without worrying about deadlines

[coolnomemory]

okay if i pass out on my own farm at night, not from exhaustion, just from it being 2am, THATS MY OWN BUSINESS. "someone found you" okay that person's a creep and should get off my lawn let me pass out in peace.

[coolnomemory]

i dont think ive seen something so valid in my life

alr here we go more epic osdysseus

hey @sunny1927 have some more

[coolnomemory]

everytime i listen to odysseus, and it gets to "lets have open arms instead" "no", i always imagine that eurymachus is holding his arms out like polites and odysseus stabs him through the back instead of of shooting him with an arrow and says no right in his ear. it makes it so much more personal

[coolnomemory]

Imagine unexpectedly popping up in Valhalla with your pants around your ankles because just half a minute ago you were taking a shit so bad that the Viking gods decided that it should count as dying in battle.

[coolnomemory]

im lactose intolerant. does that stop me? no. but am i gonna endlessly complain about it after i spend and entire day eating cheese? absolutely

[coolnomemory]

absolutely feral for the new season of puppet history. my mom literally made me a mummified goose for christmas we love it so much

[coolnomemory]

[coolnomemory]

ao3 turns 15 today

reblog if youre older than ao3

(there's a lot of people asking about this, but the legal age to use social media is 13, except in few countries. so yes, there are people here under 15)

[coolnomemory]

my nutritionist asked me if i was a warrior cats kid (i was NOT) and said i give off that vibe. i think i need to vacate that office and never return.

[coolnomemory]

can someone actually make bantr from ted lasso bc at this rate that is the only way i will actually use a dating app. like im mad that its not real.

[coolnomemory]

I reject the notion that Phineas would ever conform to the conventional college-job-suburban house pipline. He is NOT conventional. Boy has fun at college for a WHILE, but it gets old quickly once he exhausts the resources he wants to use. Boy drops out and lives in a van for two years.

Boy starts a tiktok just as an easy way to share his location and what he's doing with his friends and family - no intros no outros no commentary and no tags. Boy accidentally gains a follower count in the hundreds of thousands because his toks are completely out of context and jump wildly between various entirely unrelated locations without reason. You never know where he'll show up next. He's sometimes seen at undetermined fairgrounds or at stranger's houses doing random upgrades/bizarre renovations.

He has no discernible income. It is unclear how he is affording to live like this. His van is twice as big on the inside at LEAST and the followers he has (who he never really address directly instead of rare replies to comments?) are frothing at the mouth. Is this one of those illusion gag accounts???? Is this whole thing a bit???

One video is a perspective of him climbing DOWN from the TOP of a very large conifer, only to see that there's a bear at the bottom watching him curiously. There's a shocked pause and silent laughing from Phineas behind the camera as he casually climbs back up again. "Ferb bro I *wheeze* I need a transport pleeease---" *cuts off*

The next video is of him and Ferb eating hamburgers on the top of the van. This rare Ferb sighting is especially strange because Ferb is not on social media, but he's not around 98% of the time so Phineas's followers have no idea where he comes from. The camera swings away the microsecond before Ferb uses the transporter to phase back to England. Followers only see a flash of light. The theorists go bananas.

[coolnomemory]

anyone else find it absolutely hilarious that when obiwan calls the council in aotc that he says to call the old folks home? bc i die every time laughing

[coolnomemory]

i have to write a term paper for my advanced rhetoric class and it can be about anything we want. naturally, im writing about anakin's rise in the order, subsequent fall, and redemption. if anyone has any sources they may want to send my way, please do!!

[coolnomemory]

why are all these modern aus for the Odyssey set in a high school. where's the retelling where Odysseus is just a guy lost in an airport who keeps missing his connecting flights home due to a comical series of delays and disgruntled airline employees

[coolnomemory]

i just binge read this in 4 hours and without a doubt it is one of the best works i have ever read

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

★∻∹⋰⋰ ☆∻∹⋰⋰ ★∻∹⋰⋰ ☆∻∹⋰⋰★∻∹⋰⋰

★★★★✩

° ∆ -------- ••• ------- ∆ °° ∆ -------- ••• ------

Complete 💯

MATURE

Words:82,313

╱╲❀╱╲╱╲❀╱╲╱╲❀╱╲╱╲❀╱╲╱╲❀╱╲╱╲

✨NO SHIPS✨

╲╱❀╲╱╲╱❀╲╱╲╱❀╲╱╲╱❀╲╱╲╱❀╲╱╲╱

DESCRIPTION 🌠

After dying on the Death Star, Obi-Wan Kenobi expects to; well, die. Instead, he wakes up in the initiate dorms at the Coruscant Temple. The Force has sent him back in time, given him a second chance, and he knows what he needs to do. At twelve years old, his life is at a crossroads. Does he apprentice to Qui-Gon Jinn or does he join the AgriCorps. He knows the fate of the galaxy if he chooses the former and so he dedicates himself to the latter.

Only, the Force works in mysterious ways. When a third option is presented, becoming Yan Dooku's Padawan, Obi-Wan has to make a decision.

With a new master and a new chance, Obi-Wan is determined to save the galaxy from Sidious's plans for it.

▅▄▃▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▁▂▃▄▅