coraxonxcall

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 21: Big Brother is Watching

"Sir, that one-time outage doesn't make any sense." There were two Sinners sitting across the table from Vox. One was male, one was female both had almost metallic blue skin, their faces illuminated as if there was a light beneath the surface. The facial features more like a digital display, flat, lacking depth. Their hair was dark black, though, upon close inspection each individual strand looked like a wire. They looked very similar, both dressed in business suits, both wearing headsets with red lights, and both with only one illuminated eye. The opposing eye was simply blacked out on their screen-like face. The male was missing his left eye, the female her right. Vox knew the Sinners well, a set of twins he had drafted in his rise to power. Their real names were lost to all but himself, sitting on a contract filed away where they would never see, but their new names were Avery Tysment and Spencer Shipp. It was Avery who had spoken, scanning over the screen in her hands. They were high on the corporate ladder at VoxTek, which was why they were sitting before him now, looking over the numbers from that disaster that had all the Overlords trying to breathe down his fucking neck. Even goddamn Zestial was riding his ass about the incident in question.

"I'm going to need more information than that, Avery, darling." Vox's elbows sat on the table; his hands folded underneath the bottom of his screen as he watched both of the twins scanning over the information he had acquired about the 'Love After Death Incident' as it was being called.

"We've been over everything; diagnostics were fine that day. The only damage to our equipment came during the multiple riots." Spencer held up his tablet, offering it to Vox so he could look over the same information he had been obsessing over for the last forty-eight hours.

"Yes," Vox gave a small chuckle, maintaining his forced smile, "but clearly it wasn't fine, because my name is all over fucking Hell, and not in a good way." As he spoke the smile faded, but his voice cracked, becoming more electronic as he emphasized his words.

"We can spin this." Avery assured him quickly. "It's like you always say, Sir, there's always an angle."

"You're right." Vox took a deep breath, but started to cough again. He had to sit for a second, grabbing the water glass beside him and drinking deeply to try and make the coughing subside. This damn cold was fucking persistent and nothing he did seemed to help it subside. The doctors he saw seemed equally confused by the symptoms, not that Sinners had the best healthcare, but Vox could afford the top of the line, so the assholes should at least be trying. But all they said was that Sinners regenerated anyway. So, he shouldn't worry. He had enough on his plate with this disaster at work. But he took another deep breath, only coughing a small amount, this could be handled. He had been through so, so much worse during his climb to the top. He wasn't going to let some Hell-wide outage slow him down. He just had to think. (Though, that was becoming increasing difficult. Vox's mind had felt almost as if it were filled with static as of late. He felt... lethargic. Though, he was probably not getting enough sleep. That being said- he wasn't really getting any sleep outside of his impromptu naps he took at his desk. Velvette called it 'passing out' but Velvette was a quitter.)

"Perhaps we could pass the blame off on another Overlord?" Spencer had the right idea, but Vox wasn't entirely sold. There was a subtle nuance to public relations. It was a song-and-dance Vox knew all too well. It was his specialty, after all. Someone like Val or Vel couldn't have ascended the ranks of Hell without his insight. Sinners were a mob mentality, and Vox could puppeteer them like the little toys they were. Half the time his mind-control wasn't necessary. Why control the minds of the masses by force when you could just control the narrative?

"Or we could find an underperforming patsy and just push the whole thing off onto them. Everyone in Hell loves a good scapegoat. I have a list of possible names if you're interested." Avery held up her tablet with an array of images of VoxTek employees on the screen each with careful notes beside their names. "I know the I.T. department has been ready to get rid of some dead weight."

"That's not bad." Vox nodded to her. "I like where you're going with this, but I don't think it's entirely right for this scenario. But e-mail me a list of those names because we are losing a lot of people in our entertainment sector recently so some mandatory reassignment isn't out of the question."

"Speaking of which," Spencer put his tablet down, looking over at Vox, "the actress from Love After Death the one who apparently delivered that amazing performance none of us saw? She's missing."

"Sonnuvabitch." Vox's voice surged with mechanical inflection, his hand balled into a fist, slamming on the table. "Are you shitting me right now? That's the third fucking one! I thought these assholes loved to be famous why the fuck are they all up and vanishing all of the sudden!?" How they were vanishing was also a good question, but Vox didn't dare ask that outside of a private meeting with his fellow Vees. He didn't need underlings thinking they could escape their contracts by up and vanishing whenever they didn't like their task. Usually, Overlords could track down those contracted to them, it was as simple as following the chain. So, the fact that Val's people were somehow out of reach to even him either meant something was amiss... or Val was just too lazy to look. Actually... as Vox gave it some thought that second option seemed to be incredibly likely. Val hadn't been taking his duties nearly as seriously as of late. But that was a conversation for later as neither Avery nor Spencer had anything to do with Val.

"I'm not entirely sure, sir, but a few of the film crew from that episode have been reporting some... strange behavior-" Avery started to talk, but Vox cut her off as an idea finally struck through the static in his brain.

"We need to release a statement saying that we were simply testing a new, elevation to the VoxTek sponsored multi-media bundles. Rather than our current premium package, VoxPlus which is our highest costing, but most inclusive deal: we trialed VoxPlus Prime, with a few randomly selected customers. Outages experienced were only experienced by those not chosen for this trial. We apologize for any difficulties we caused, however, to assure the best reception in the future, they will have the option to sign up for this new, exclusive package at a discounted- but still very expensive- cost." There. If they could pass this off as a simple mistake and use it to boost sales in the future, then this little hiccup could actually be used to increase profit. So long as the customers thought Vox was apologetic, they would still buy. The discount, of course, would be completely made up, but that just meant he could raise prices again in the near future with minimal backlash. No... this could work. He could still fix this.

"Brilliant, sir." Spencer nodded enthusiastically.

"Amazing, sir." Avery clapped her hands together.

"So, is this something we have already been working on, or would you like me to fabricate A VoxPlus Prime and backdate the work to make it look much older?" Spencer knew how things worked around VoxTek, and Vox appreciated it.

"Backdate it about a year. Avery, add a few high-end perks to entice the elite to give us more of their money."

"We'll create a new show and advertise it, overhype it, and then make it exclusively on channels and websites only available through the highest tier subscriptions." Avery looked through her notes. "We have a few unfinished projects we could rebrand really easily with minimal cost."

"Perfect. See? This is why I hired you." Hired? Contracted? It was a matter of perspective. But at last, Vox felt himself relax. Things were starting to feel like they were under his control once again. He had this covered. "Now, did we get any backup copies of that fucking episode? I have had people literally begging me to see it again." He knew the Hellions loved whatever shit he threw together, but this was almost on another level entirely. Vox was accustomed to fan mail, but the letters about this particular episode were bordering on unhinged.

"Nothing. All the film melted; all the files are corrupted. Whatever hit us, hated that one episode in particular." Why could Spencer never be the bearer of good news? "But we did manage to find the scripts. Though..." He slid some crumbled paper across the table toward Vox who glanced down at it with a look of disgust. Why the fuck was Spencer shoving what looked to be trash in his direction? With a bit of hesitation, Vox picked up the wadded script and looked it over. The cheesy dialog was par for the course, but as the script went on, the handwriting of the director seemed to deteriorate, to the point where it almost seemed as if a completely different person were writing. The words looked less like... words and more like scribbles. The more Vox looked at it, the worse he felt. It vaguely reminded him of some of the weird shit he would see scribbled on the walls of the old rundown buildings he would explore back when he was alive. And that was not a good thing.

"Who wrote this shit?" Vox squinted at the bizarre writing until he thought he might throw up.

"One of Valentino's guys." Spencer frowned looking at some of his own notes on the project. "We've been using a lot of his writers and actors to fill in for our own people who keep getting sick."

"Sick?" Vox started coughing in the middle of his protest, which was annoying and counterproductive. "Come on, I've been a little under the weather for months now and you don't see me letting it fuck with my work ethic? Do you?" Ugh, the needs of his subordinates could be such pain in the ass. Of course, Vox could always force the issue with a little mental push. However, the acting always felt lack luster when Vox had to do it for them.

"Of course not, sir. You are an unstoppable force." Avery assured him. Vox appreciated the sucking up. He was having a bad enough day; the compliments could at least make it a little better.

"Well, we have a plan of attack. I want each of you to make sure we get this whole fiasco covered up and off every major network. As far as the public is concerned, this was a planned test." Vox crumpled up the script. He could just throw it away, but he almost felt as if burning it would be better. He didn't want his name associated with some overworked, wannabe writer's mental breakdown. So rather than just tossing it in the nearest trashcan, he tucked it into the inner pocket of his coat.

"Is there anything else you need?" Spencer offered as he and Avery got to their feet. Vox stood as well, straightening the lapels of his jacket.

"I'll let you know if something comes up, but you should be good for now. Get everything started and send me progress reports at the end of every day."

"Yes, Vox." The twins replied in perfect unison as they turned and left the office. They were good employees, good listeners. Like with most Sinners under Vox, once he had them in a contract, they were hard workers. Though, with the way things had been going for him recently, it felt like a bad move to just... blatantly trust them. This was Hell after all, and while Avery and Spencer had never once given him reason to distrust them, Vox couldn't help but be suspicious. That had gone well, yes, but had it gone too well? There was such a thing as being suspiciously agreeable. Were they simply sucking up? Or covering for another, ulterior motive? Just because neither twin had tried to overthrow him before didn't mean they weren't thinking of taking advantage of his cold to try and off him and seize his company.

...

It wouldn't hurt to just change all the door codes again. Just to be safe. Val and Vel would understand if he explained the reasoning.

Vox closed his eyes, plugging directly in to his security system. With a simple thought, all the door codes and passwords were changed. Now, if Avery or Spencer tried anything, they would have to go directly through him. So would all his other employees, that was true, but the massive influx of complaints about having to reset their login information for the umpteenth time was a small price to pay for security.

Vox headed out of the cooperate office and returned to his room. He was mentally and physically exhausted. Putting up with everyone's bullshit could be incredibly draining. He was so tired of smiling he was worried his screen might freeze with that fake-ass grin plastered on his face. He could take this time to rest, Lucifer knows it's what Velvette would want him to do. She had been riding his ass about it ever since he got that stupid little cough. But now, he had better shit to do than power off and simply wait for the next attack on his company.

Vox had to prepare.

And how better to prepare than by observing every bit of Hell he could get a drone over? (Which was most of Hell, save for Lucifer's fucking mansion as the drones kept getting shot down by some very annoying blue asshole.) Still, he had a nearly complete view of the Pride Ring, and he had been able to even push the boundaries with his technology to explore into the other rings. (They all looked a lot nicer than Pride, something he would surely take up with Lucifer, should he ever have the chance.) He could watch all the streets, survey every Sinner moving through them, watching for anyone who seemed suspicious. (Admittedly, everyone was suspicious, that was one of the detriments of living in Hell. But as long as the fucker posed no direct threat to Vox or any of his properties, he would let them be.)

But what good was just watching?

Cameras could glitch. Eyes and screens could be deceived. Drones could be destroyed- as annoying and rude as it was.

No.

Vox couldn't settle just for watching he had to listen to Hell as well. That was why he enabled himself to hack in to any and every VoxTek item with a microphone! He liked to listen to every phone call, every video conference, anything and everything that might be of interest to him or to the company itself. He did not use this ability much in the past, but he had been overlooking a great deal of potential. Everyone had a vPhone. Though, he did find certain areas to be dead-zones as far as his... supervision. He could never listen to anyone who was currently inside that blasted Hotel, and the same went for the gaudy fucking mansion. But if someone was outside the area in question, then he could listen in!

Not that there was anything all that interesting happening at the moment.

Vox watched the screens around him, listened to the cacophony of screams and conversations that made up the symphony of damnation. However, nothing appealed to his unique interests.

His fingers tapped on the table; he started coughing again. It just felt like someone was out there doing something to try and get to him. It was probably Alastor. It was always, Alastor. But the issue was that Vox couldn't spy directly on Alastor because that asshole had a way of interfering with Vox's technology. It was a frustrating fact. Alastor must have stolen something capable of disrupting Vox's signals because there was simply no fucking way that out-of-date, grinning, shit-head had the technological capability to best Vox of all Sinners.

He checked the cameras around the Hotel in question, but as usual, there was nothing of note in the limited area he could see. However, he did notice the princess and her bitchy girlfriend were out and about at the moment. They seemed to be happily chatting back and forth. Nothing suggested this was anything more than pointless small-talk or romancing as the two traversed Hell.

He would keep an eye on them, but as of right now, he doubted this would provide anything worth his time.

"VOX!" His name echoed, not on the screens or through any of his speakers, but rather on his watch, which was connected to the camera right outside the door to his suite in the Vee's private tower. Vox frowned, looking at the little screen to see a very angry Velvette glaring up at the camera.

"What now?" Vox buzzed her in. The door opened and he could hear the sound of her heels angrily clicking their way toward him. He forced a smile, spinning around in his chair to face the door right as it flew open.

"There you fucking are!"

"Velvette! What can I do for you this fine, hellish afternoon?"

"You changed the wi-fi password again and I was in the MIDDLE of a big 'Get Ready with Me' stream!" Velvette did look only half-finished with her usual routine when it came to going out on the town. In Vox's experience it was an hours long process (or ritual) that would only double in time if he asked her to hurry. "It kicked me right offline and I can't reconnect because you didn't fucking tell me what the new goddamn password actually is! AGAIN! This is the THIRD fucking time this bloody WEEK!"

"Oh. I didn't anticipate that my password changes would affect our private wi-fi. My apologies, dear. I'll get you the new password." Vox's smile softened into an apologetic little frown.

"Why the fuck did you feel like changing it in the middle of the goddamn afternoon!?"

"I had to be cautious." Vox's expression returned to a neutral gaze. If Velvette didn't understand the nuances of security, it wasn't really his problem. It was why he was in charge if it after all.

"Cautious? Cautious of what!? Were you worried we were getting too much bloody work done!?"

"Don't be like that." Vox had not intended to put everyone offline. That sort of mistake wasn't like him, but in his defense, he hadn't had a relaxing night's sleep in months. Not that complaining would get him anywhere. "I was just assuring all of our important data is secured. You never know who is trying to steal from us."

"No one wants to steal from us when we are barely able to function because you have gotten weirdly paranoid!" Velvette scoffed. "And don't get me wrong, you've always been overly protective of our shit, I actually liked that about you. But this? This is too fucking extreme."

"What are we doing right now?" Valentino's voice drew close as Vox realized that Velvette must not have closed the door behind her as Val sauntered in. "Ooo! Are we yelling at Vox? Vel, you didn't tell me!"

"He knocked me off the wi-fi."

"Oh yes! I was also coming in here for that exact reason. But if we're just going to cut into him, hang on for just a few seconds. I made a list." Val put a hand on Velvette's shoulder before turning to slink back out of the room.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Vox watched him beginning to leave, feeling his patience starting to wear thin with both of his colleagues.

"To get my list~!" Val replied in an almost sing-song voice before sweeping out of the room I'm a flurry of fabric.

"We should finish this before he gets back." Vox had every intention of just locking Val outside. The two had been bickering more than usual and it was making Vox's perpetually shitty mood even worse. Usually, when he had a bad day, he at least had the luxury of venting to his fellow Vees, the elite of the elite. But recently, it had been a pain to even try. It felt as if every time he tried to talk to them, they would start acting so... suspiciously. But there was no way his fellow Vees would betray him.

Right?

"I am mildly curious about his list, I won't lie." Velvette was looking in the direction in which Valentino had run off.

"Don't humor him."

"Don't change the fucking password and throw off my entire bloody evening. Did you ever think of that?" She turned her attention right back to Vox. She looked him up and down and her angry expression seemed to falter. "You look like utter shit."

"Wow. Really buttering me up with the compliments today, aren't you?"

"I am saying it because I care." Velvette didn't back down. "You look like you haven't slept since you fucking died."

"I am fine, Vel." As if to contradict his own words, Vox coughed. That wasn't exactly the ideal punctuation for a sentence about how great his health was doing. Hopefully Velvette wouldn't read too much into it. However, judging by her expression, she was doing just that.

"Vox, I-"

"I FOUND MY LIST~" And just like that, Val burst back into the room with a piece of paper in his grip. "Not a moment too soon, either. I hadn't gotten a chance to add the whole wi-fi fiasco yet." He pulled out a pen with a pink, fluffy pencil topper and made a dramatic show of scribbling on the bottom of the page.

"Did you seriously feel the need to make a fucking list of complaints?" Vox's voice and expression were completely flat as he just stared blankly at Val and his list. Val made direct eye contact behind his oversized glasses as he flicked his wrist and what Vox thought was a sheet of notebook paper, unfurled into a long, scroll-like list that touched the floor and kept going, all the way out of the door.

"Yes." Val didn't take his eyes off of Vox as the flat-faced Overlord had to turn his head to follow the paper as it kept unfurling into his living room. Vox's expression shifted into one of annoyance as he looked back at Val.

"Cute show. Entirely unnecessary."

"Quite necessary, I assure you." Val straightened out his wrists, holding the paper with his pinky fingers out.

"I will give you points for presentation." Velvette almost looked amused by the display. But she shook herself, holding out her hand, "but let's not go through everything. I don't think Vox has fucking slept, like, at all."

"Let me at least go over the ones that are starred. I already unfurled the list, Vel, the whole goddamn list. Look at it. Do you know how long this will take to fold back up? I have to at least get some grievances off if my chest or this whole thing will be for fucking nothing. And if it's for fucking nothing, then you can fold it back up. Neatly." Valentino gestured gracefully to the trail of paper, the end of which wasn't visible from Vox's angle. Velvette looked at the list, then at Val, and finally back at Vox before letting out a sigh.

"He went through all the trouble of making a list, Vox, we might as well hear him out."

"Fan-fucking-tastic." Vox could not have forced any less enthusiasm in his voice if he had actively tried. He put his hand to his screen, rubbing the glass between his eyes for a moment, letting out a defeated sigh. "Go on."

"Perfect!" Val took a seat on one of Vox's computer towers that lined the room.

"Don't sit on that!" Vox protested quickly. "It's expensive!" He moved his hand and wires came from the wall, lifting Val up, and placing him in a nearby chair- a chair Val could have easily sat in himself, rather than trying to put his ass on Vox's pricy computer equipment.

"Can I speak?" Val sounded annoyed, using his free second set of hands to gesture at the list his first set were holding.

"I dunno," Vox glowered at him, "can you?"

"There is no need to be a snippy little bitch about this, Vox. I am only trying to help." Val cleared his throat. "You keep changing everything from door codes to passwords and you are driving everyone batshit fucking insane. You lost the best fucking episode of Love After Death that has ever existed. You lost a fight with Zestial, which is honestly kind of embarrassing for everyone involved because it's the equivalent of beating up someone's senile grandpa-"

"Wait, what fight are you talking about? I never got into a fight with Zestial." Vox had only had one fucking interaction with the guy recently, and while it could be called an argument, describing it as a fight was rather excessive.

"You lost the fucking VoxTek store in the Doomsday district because you couldn't schmooze a man who firmly believes that streaming is a cult." Val reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a cigarette, placing it between his teeth.

"If you think you're so fucking charming, then you go talk to Zestial!" Vox spat back. He knew for a fact; Val wouldn't waste a second of his valuable fucking time debating with that old geezer. "I am too goddamn busy and important to bother with his bullshit. It was simply a better business move to just cut our losses. That wasn't the only store destroyed; Zestial was just the only asshole to make such a massive fucking stink about it. But if you think you can handle it better, then please, renegotiate on my behalf."

"No." Val looked back at his list. "Can I continue? Please?"

"Even if I say no, you're just going to-" Vox didn't even have the opportunity to get the entire sentence out of his mouth before Val started talking over him.

"You still have that very annoying cough; you have been losing contracted souls, which shouldn't even be possible, you haven't been replacing any of the ones you did lose; and the new color you picked out for the drapes in the common area is atrocious."

"Hold on one fucking second- I didn't lose anyone! You're the one who's people are dropping off the fucking grid!" Vox was suddenly reminded of why he and Val hadn't been getting along as of late. He had no desire to sit idly and listen to- frankly unfounded- critique about how he was running his company.

"My people are fine, thank you very much." Val looked rather offended at the very suggestion that he wasn't performing at his peak. "If you can't find them, that's not my problem. I was only ever loaning them to you to begin with."

"Come now Val, that's not how this works." Velvette finally felt a need to step in as tensions reached a boiling point. "We share our Sinners for the good of the company."

"Exactly!" Vox gave a self-satisfied little smirk, arms crossing over his chest.

"I can't let Vox keep my people indiscriminately if he can't even keep track of where they are." Val retorted without missing a beat.

"This was about the fucking wi-fi password, how the fuck did we even get on this topic!?" Vox hated being called out, especially by Val, who seemed to be embracing every chance he had to point out any of Vox's mistakes. This wasn't how Val was supposed to act. At least not toward him.

"It started with the wi-fi password, but I took the opportunity to start lodging all my complaints." Val looked back at his list. "Which, honestly, I haven't even really touched the surface."

"We all have grievances," Velvette stepped so she was between Vox and Val. "But they are coming from a place of concern." Her head snapped to look at Valentino who was sitting, poised in the chair, one leg crossed over the other, list draping over his lap and out of the door.

"We are worried about you." Val confirmed. "You haven't been your usual, composed self recently, rather, you've been a paranoid pain in everyone's ass."

"Is there actually some kind of threat?" Velvette turned to look back at Vox, trying to get a reason behind his most recent actions. Vox met her gaze taking a moment to find his way back to his chair. He sat down, putting his screen in his hands for a moment, breathing deeply, trying to sort out his thoughts before he described them. He could feel that static in his head again, making his train of thought feel fuzzy.

"I can..." Vox took a moment more, trying to find the perfect words through the brain fog, "feelsomeone watching us- watching me." Vox was always the one with an eye out, over Hell. He didn't like the idea of being forced under the microscope of some other, unknown Sinner. No one should be able to get a leg-up on Vox.

"Feel... how?" Velvette didn't look as convinced as Vox would have liked. "Like, do you have any evidence that we're being watched by some kind of unknown Sinner? Or are you just... going off a gut feeling?"

"I don't appreciate your tone." Vox narrowed his eyes. "When you say it like that it sounds unfounded, but trust me. I know we're being watched. And whoever it is, doesn't like any of us." At least, that was the sense Vox got from the nearly constant dread that had settled in his chest worse than the cough.

"You don't think that sounds... just a little unhinged?" Velvette looked directly at him as if trying to read what was in his head. "I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, I'm just concerned."

"I think you should spend less energy on being concerned for Vox, and dedicate more time and effort to being the type of person our unseen observers would approve of." Val seemed to be taking this all as some sort of joke, which was almost more annoying than Velvette acting as if Vox was pulling this explanation out of his ass. Clearly, they did not hear the movement in the walls at night.

"Shut the fuck up." Vox put his screen in both his hands for a moment. This interaction was exhausting, and not worth the energy it was costing him. He grabbed a notebook off his desk scribbling on a piece of paper before shoving it at Velvette. "Here's the goddamn password, just leave me alone. I have more important shit to do than sit here and argue."

"Wow, okay, bitch." Velvette looked a tad annoyed by his reaction. "Maybe you should take this opportunity to get some actual fucking sleep." She looked at the paper in her hand.

"I told you, I'm fine." Vox started coughing again at the worst possible time. It was like the goddamn cold had dramatic timing. "Now get out of my fucking room. Both of you." He narrowed his eyes at his fellow Vees, his red eye taking on a slight glow as he forced the issue with his own mental manipulation. It wasn't easy to control the Vees. They were strong willed, stubborn, and aware of his power. However, it was much easier to plant a suggestion for something they were both already considering doing.

"Whatever." Velvette tossed her hair as she headed toward the door.

"Wow, someone got up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning." Val took a drag on his cigarette and the smoke formed a middle finger in Vox's direction. Real fucking mature. "Come on, Velvette." One of his hands picked up his coat and tossed the fabric so it would sweep outward as he turned, knocking into as much of Vox's expensive equipment as it could. "We can go get coffee and get our wi-fi back up and running."

"Bye." Vox turned back to his monitors not even bothering to watch them leave. (Though he could hear the list dragging behind Val). He hunched over, coughing again as he heard the door slam shut. Only then did he turn back around. He was alone again.

He felt shitty. Not for getting mad at Val and Vel, but rather just in general. His head hurt, there was a constant weight in his chest, his throat felt raw from coughing. He had this almost indescribable feeling of being itchy underneath his skin. It was a maddening sensation, as no matter how much he tried to scratch, there was never any real relief. Perhaps, all this had put him in a piss-poor mood and his fellow Vees were just suffering the consequences.

He went back to watching the uneventful screens, monitoring all of Hell, the constant swears and fights becoming white noise in his mind. Perhaps he was more tired than he first thought, because soon the noise felt almost lulling to him. He rested is head on his arms and slowly felt himself tilting forward.

Then suddenly he felt it again.

The same sensation he felt every fucking night when he tried to find peace to sleep.

He could feel eyes on him, watching, waiting, boring into the back of his neck with such ferocity that it was almost painful. He sat straight up, feeling his entire body stiffened.

This.

This was why he couldn't fucking sleep.

He could barely breathe.

Slowly, he tried to turn his head. But he couldn't. None of his muscles would respond. He couldn't even feel the surge of electricity that connected him to Hell.

He had not felt this isolated, this fucking helpless since he had been alive.

There were whispers behind him. He could hear his name. Not Vox, but rather, his real name, the name he had left behind in the living world. No one knew his name. Not down here. But he swore he heard it behind him, the static in his brain becoming louder with each passing moment. That toxic presence was even closer now, inching toward him, painfully slow. He felt colder than ice, which was impressive given Hell's natural heat.

Closer.

Closer.

Closer.

Vox couldn't turn around, but he could hear the shifting behind him. That feeling of dread was crushing. Vox's heart would have been pounding in his ears (if he had ears) but all he could hear was static, blaring at this point. The sounds of Hell were gone and Vox was completely alone. The screens in front of him, once displaying this wide view of the burning pit he called home, now each screen had become completely consumed by roaring distortion.

Closer.

Vox could feel a weight on his shoulders. Something was grabbing him.

"HOLY FUCK!" Vox finally found his voice, electricity surged around him and the pressure vanished from his shoulder.

"Okay, that was an overreaction." Valentino's voice was clear as day and Vox turned to see he was no longer alone. Val was standing behind him, nursing a hand that had been shocked as Vox regained control of himself once again. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Nap?" Vox was still shaking, though he put his hands in his lap to hide the obvious trembling. He started coughing again and Val made a deliberate show of recoiling away from him.

"Don't get me sick."

"Why the fuck are you here?" Vox was still trying to come to the terms with the fact that he had been sleeping. He couldn't pinpoint the moment in time where he had nodded off.

"You have something I want." Val walked toward him, putting his hands on either side of Vox's screen, tilting his head up. "But also, holy fuck, you look like shit."

"You woke me up, of course I don't look my best." Vox pulled his head away. If Val was trying to seduce his way into getting Vox to give him something, he was about to be poorly disappointed. "What do you want?"

"What do I want?" Val seemed undeterred by Vox's clear rejection. He put two hands on Vox's shoulders the other two arms pressing against the front of his suit. There was the crunch of paper under his touch and Val's face lit up as if he had found a treasure. His hands slipped into the inner pocket of Vox's silken suit and pulled out the crumbled script that Vox had been intending to burn at the end of the day. "There it is! You're a doll, Vox."

"Put that down."

"This?" Val released Vox, dangling the script over him. "It was written by one of mine, you know, so technically I own this." Vox didn't know why, but the idea of having Val taking the script from him was making him feel itchy again. (Maybe he was just unreasonably anxious from lack of sleep.) Vox reached up to grab it but Val did a little spin and his fingers brushed the paper but came up empty.

"Your artist loses all his rights to his creative properties when he writes under our television station."

"Well that just sounds unfair, don't you think?"

"It's Hell, Val." Vox was far from amused by Valentino's almost mocking tone.

"Still, since you lost him, the least you can do is give me my writer's magnum opus." Val unfolded the script and Vox felt himself getting more anxious. He could hear the television screens behind him, charged with monitoring the Hellscape outside of his tower, glitching and flickering as his emotions surged. He was on his feet before he even realized he was moving.

"Give me the script, Val." Vox's own voice became more mechanical, as he turned the brightness up on his screen to draw the moth demon's attention directly to his swirling, hypnotic eye. It was draining to try and take control of Val like this, but Vox was starting to feel like he was out of options. Val stared into the light, his expression starting to go blank as his eyes were drawn to that lulling red. His body relaxed. He reached forward, script in hand. Vox went to take it but Val's hands passed his own and went right to his screen again.

"That won't work on me anymore, I'm afraid." Val's blank expression twisted into a smirk and he started to laugh, holding Vox's head and shoulders. Vox's eyes and screen returned to normal, he started coughing again, but this time Val didn't pull away. His hands gently tilted Vox's head so he was looking directly at him. "I'm so much stronger now."

"What... the fuck?" Vox choked the words out through the coughing. Val hadn't lost his smile- it hadn't even faltered. It reminded Vox vaguely of Alastor, and that was more than enough to piss him off.

"Vox, please, you can't keep fighting it."

"Fighting... what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You would be so much stronger if you would just give in."

"I have to get to work..." Vox did not, in fact, have any goddamn clue as to whatever the fuck Valentino was ranting about, nor did he want to know. He wanted to get out of this conversation.

"Don't be like that, mi amor." Val gave a playful pout as if he and Vox were simply joking back and forth. His dismissive tone only left Vox feeling even more uncomfortable. His eyes darted toward the screen behind him. He couldn't control Val; he wasn't able to force him to leave- not without a fight- and currently, Vox was not at his strongest. A fight was far from ideal. The idea that he was losing control of his situation was starting to feel suffocating. "I'm trying to help you."

"I need you to fucking leave." Vox stood firm, eyes narrowed, playing off his lack of control as being simply annoying.

"You can't fight it forever, Vox."

"I don't know if you hear yourself, but this overly cryptic bullshit should be saved for my screenplays." Vox forced himself free of Val's grip and turned back to his desk. "Speaking of which, take that shitty, garbage script and get it out of fucking sight." Vox coughed a bit harder, but kept himself standing tall, hands on one of the keyboards on his desk, trying to look busy.

"The fact that you can't see that this is the finest art there is..." he heard Val sigh, "it disappoints me."

"Get out of my office."

"Be that way, but you're only going to keep getting worse." Val sounded rather cold as Vox heard him turn to leave. It wasn't until the door closed behind him that Vox finally turned around. He was alone again, and relief washed over him like a wave. That whole conversation had been so fucking weird he almost believed that he was still asleep, still dreaming. He took a seat back at his desk, closing his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to get ahold of his situation once again.

The fuck had gotten into Val?

Nothing good, that was for sure.

Vox couldn't help but equate that interaction with the beginning of some sort of coup. Hell was already struggling politically after the failed Extermination. This was the time for the Vees to come together and climb their way to the very top of Hell's hierarchy. Internal fighting was not a fucking option- and yet Vox had never felt more distrustful of his companions.

A part of him hoped he was still dreaming because this was becoming a fucking nightmare.

All his monitors had somehow been muted, some had just straight up just stopped working, which was annoying. He would have to get everything set back the way he wanted. He wasn't even sure when they had messed up, whether during his impromptu nap or his weird confrontation with Val. Perhaps it didn't really matter. But it gave him something new to which he could devote his attention. Anything was better than constantly replaying that weird interaction with Valentino over and over again in his mind. Which, knowing himself, was exactly what would happen if he didn't stay busy.

"Dad?" The sound was working again from the drone that had been keeping a helpful eye on the princess during her afternoon out with her watchdog of a girlfriend. Vox perked up immediately seeing that Charlie was on her phone. Now this was a great distraction. The princess of Hell having a conversation with her father outside of that fucking dead zone of a hotel? That meant Vox could spy. Vox tapped into the call with ease.

"Hey bitch! How are you!?" The King sounded incredibly pleased. Why he would refer to his daughter as bitch was a bit beyond Vox's comprehension, but if he was going to try and play the role of therapist to the Morningstars, they would be here all fucking year.

"I'm good, just out with Vaggie." The princess seemed a bit confused by the call. "I didn't expect to hear from you again so soon."

"I know, I just had to tell you the great news!" Lucifer's voice was brimming with excitement. "I think you will be very pleased-"

"He told Sera to fuck right off!" There was another voice on Lucifer's end. Vox had to run the sound through his memory and realized that was Adam. The fucker who had torn his building apart like some sort of rabid animal. So, the Devil was keeping him as some kind of pet. That was definitely information Vox could store away for later. But at present it was irrelevant. The more posing question was: who the fuck was Sera? Vox knew a number of Sarah's of various spellings but none of them had done anything worthy of having Lucifer himself telling them to fuck right off, at least not to Vox's knowledge. And if the Devil was yelling at one Sinner in particular, Vox would know about it. It was his business to know the business of others.

"Wait. What?" Charlie also seemed puzzled by the exclamation, though Vox noted she wasn't at all confused by Adam's presence.

"No more Exterminations, Charlie! The contract was broken and Heaven has to eat SHIT!" Lucifer practically shouted into the phone. "Your old man is putting his foot down!"

"You're serious!?" Charlie's entire expression changed, she nearly glowed. "What happened!? I mean how did this even come up!?"

"Who cares how it came up! We are done with that shit! We should celebrate!" It was rare to see such enthusiasm from the King. Vox had only met him on occasion, the Queen had been far more involved with the Overlords in the past. But even still, he never envisioned the man shouting for joy. "We're going to have a dinner! Here! At the mansion!"

"A dinner?" The princess seemed to be equal parts excited and confused. Vox couldn't blame her. The King had been quite the recluse, this sort of grand function was out of character for him as of late.

"Yes! A grand feast! An exclusive dinner party for just you and your hotel patrons! You can even invite the Bellhop!"

"Alastor's not a bellhop and you know this." Charlie's expression briefly shifted to one of annoyance before bouncing back to joy. Vox had to stifle a snort. Bellhop. That was funny. He would have to use it on Alastor at a later date. "But that could be so much fun! When should we have it?"

"Tomorrow night!" Lucifer was on a roll.

"Tomorrow?" Adam spoke up again, Vox had to guess he was just hovering around the King like a gnat. "You... sure about that?"

"It doesn't have to be so soon, dad, really." Charlie spoke up again. Vox was a bit surprised she would listen to Adam's input at all given the man's history with her Sinners.

"Nonsense! Adam is just mad that means he'll have to get prepping now if he's going to be able to finish our feast on time!" Lucifer was dismissive of the protest and Vox learned Adam apparently worked for the Devil. Oh, how the mighty had fallen. Surely that was punishment in and of itself.

"Wait, I'm cooking?" Adam sounded annoyed.

"Of course you are. You won that right, remember?" Lucifer retorted sounding both smug and amused. There seemed to be a story there, to which Vox wasn't privy. "Tomorrow night! Bring your friends! We are going to have a dinner to remember! Love you, crabapple! Bye bitch!" And with that Lucifer hung the phone up.

"What was that about?" Vaggie looked at Charlie who was staring at her phone.

"Dad wants to throw a dinner party for the Hotel tomorrow, at his place."

"The place he wouldn't even fucking let us in? That mansion- hold on." Vaggie's gaze turned up toward the drone and Vox tried to move it so that it looked as if it were simply passing by, however, he saw a weapon in Vaggie's hand and he lost the signal.

Well, that was fine.

He had more than he needed. This Intel was quite juicy. The only problem was that he needed to find a way to crash that dinner. A look inside the mansion which had been closed off for years? That was an opportunity that Vox couldn't allow to slip away. The first rule of Hell was to capitalize on what whatever golden chances came your way, no matter who got screwed over in the process.

Now it was simply a matter of coming up with a plan.

Though... his head was still feeling rather fuzzy, making that quite difficult.

Vox got out of his chair, he needed to clear his head and get his thoughts in order. Perhaps a change of scenery could act as a sort of inspiration for his schemes. He had been cooped up for far too long. Clearly, he just needed to clear his head and then he would come up with a brilliant way to get inside that mansion. Think of the things he could learn, or steal, or even the bugs he could plant. He didn't dare try that shit when Lilith was around, she was cautious. But Lucifer? He was practically a joke.

There was a crackle of electricity as Vox took himself to the Vees' meeting room. Perhaps the dim lights and swimming sharks would provide the perfect environment for thinking. He did very much enjoy watching the movements of the fish in the water, Hell's wildlife was unique in its appearance, like a bastardized version of what Vox had seen on Earth. (Though Vox didn't go in the water much when he was alive.)

"Well, well, well, look who crawled out of his fucking hole." Well fuck. Velvette was already in the office. Usually, Vox would have checked the cameras but he was far too distracted with trying to create a plan. She was sitting with her feet kicked up on the table, on her phone.

"I thought you would be out on the town by now." Vox looked down at her for a moment, before turning his attention to the aquarium.

"It's too early. If I show up anywhere now, I'll look desperate. Plus, I have to make an apology post because someone," she looked up from her screen long enough to glare at Vox, "interrupted my rather important stream."

"My apologies." Vox could see the dirty look he was receiving in the reflection of the glass. "But it was for security purposes."

"Was it though?"

"Yes."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes, returning her focus back to her screen. "So, what fucking dragged you all the way out here? I thought you'd be locked away in your room for at least twelve more hours."

"Work, if you must know."

"Can't be work if you're not plugged in or hovering over a computer."

"I am in the planning phase of something big if you must know." Vox was regretting his decision to come here. Had he known he wasn't going to be alone with his thoughts, he would have sought relaxation elsewhere.

"Oooo, what's the new project? Something to keep track of every fucking password you decide to change?"

"If you must know," Vox normally would have just ignored her. However, he was getting really tired of Velvette's obsession with his security protocols. Was it inconvenient? Sure. But this was fucking Hell if inconvenience was the only complaint she had, she could fuck right off. "Lucifer is throwing a party. I am planning to secure an invite."

"Well, that shouldn't be hard since you're best fucking friends." Velvette was referencing Vox's many public statements in regards to his close personal connection with the King. They were lies, of course, but a majority of what Vox said on the television was just what the public wanted to hear. He was selling them a dream, not a reality. Reality didn't sell.

"Hey, shut the fuck up." Vox turned to face her with a fake smile plastered on his face. "If you must know, he is throwing an exclusive event for the Princess and her little cult, or whatever the fuck she's doing at that godforsaken hotel. The easiest solution would be to send someone in to spy for me, but we tried that with Sir Pentious and that was a fucking disaster." Though it had resulted in Pentious's death, through a wild series of events. And that death had gotten him great ratings when he publicized the entire fight with Heaven. "Plus, Alastor fucks with a lot of my equipment, and quite frankly I don't trust any of our fucking staff to be able to survey and analyze the situation on the same level that one of us could. Missing details could be a matter of victory or defeat when we finally take over."

"You're probably just mad Alastor fucks our signal and won't fuck you." Velvette didn't look up, but Vox could see her satisfied little smirk. She seemed proud of her bitchy little comment. He wouldn't give her the dignity of getting under his skin.

"Hilarious." He kept his tone flat, but his voice crackled a bit sounding slightly more synthetic than usual. "But supremely unhelpful."

"Just calling it like I see it, babe."

"Well don't. I'm trying to think." Vox turned back to watch the creatures swimming behind the glass. He took a deep breath, as silence finally settled in the room, the only sound was the hum of machinery, the soft sloshing of water in the aquarium, and the tapping of Velvette's fingers on the screen of her phone. That last sound was a bit irritating, but Vox could push it out of his mind if he focused his energy on the problem at hand. There was an exclusive event for the princess and her posse and he wanted- no needed a fucking invitation. The King had been closed off from Hell for far too long and if something was being planned- which given Lucifer's claim about the cancellation of the Exterminations, it was not only possible but probable that he was doing something behind those closed and locked doors- Vox had to know.

"Why not just go there yourself?" Velvette finally spoke up, breaking Vox's serenity and interrupting his brainstorm.

"Excuse me?"

"You don't want to send anyone, but you will literally not stop obsessing until you find out what Lucifer's up to. So, go your fucking self."

"Go... where exactly?" Vox turned again to face Velvette who was posing to take a quick selfie in the office.

"Go to the Hotel. Tell them you want to be part of their fight club or whatever it is they do in that fucking eye-sore."

"I think it was about Redemption or something like that, I'll have to double check the footage from her segment with Katie." The song had been catchy enough, but there had definitely been better musical moments since then, so the message hadn't one hundred percent stuck with him.

"Then tell her you want to be Redeemed. She let Pentious in with that same sob story, didn't she?"

"Pentious was a nobody, who was immediately caught." Vox waved off the suggestion. "I highly doubt the Princess would believe that I want any part of that sugary, feel-good shit she preaches about."

"The great Vox can't trick a naive little royal. That's a pretty tragic." Velvette shifted in her chair so she was leaning back.

"It's not a matter of deception, I could obviously convince her to take me in if I wanted," Vox didn't like having his abilities called into question, "but don't forget that Alastor is there too. If I'm staying in that rat-infested motel of hers for even just one night I would be stuck in the same building as him, and if you recall, he is literally an awful, has-been, piece of shit who is clinging to the royal family out of desperation because he's lost all control of his fucking afterlife."

"Wow, tell me how you really feel." Velvette finally put the phone down, kicking her legs off the table and leaning forward, resting her chin in her hands. "So are you like... scared of Alastor since he almost killed you that one t-"

"I'M NOT SCARED OF THAT OUTDATED SACK OF FUCK!" Vox's voice reverberated with a synthetic undertone.

"The Vox doth protest too much, methinks." The fact that Velvette knew enough Shakespeare to pull that quote out of her memory would have been impressive if Vox wasn't currently so pissed off.

"Even if I charm the princess- which I could, by the way-" Vox calmed himself, "Alastor would be there, whispering poison in her ear. She already has a good rapport with him, and thanks to Val and the fact that Pentious was a fucking joke, we're not exactly on her good list."

"Maybe you're not." Velvette's eyes narrowed and there was a hint of a smile on her lips. Vox met her gaze, trying to read her expression.

"Do you have something you want to add?"

"The princess owes me a favor~ If you really want to get in to that party, I could tell her to let you join her little band of misfits. BUT," there was always a but in Hell, "you'll owe me a big favor in return."

"Why the fuck would you cash in a favor with the princess of Hell just to help me get into a party?"

"Maybe I just want to get you out of the fucking tower for a few days so I don't have to put up with all your bullshit." Velvette's response was cutting, but her plan was surprisingly solid. There was the matter of Alastor, but the odds that he would try something under the princess's nose were incredibly slim. And if he did try something, Vox would have the unique opportunity to break up that alliance that had been bothering him since he discovered its existence.

"That... might actually work." And maybe getting out of the tower for a few days wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. If things got out of hand and Vox was forced to kill Alastor then he was bound to return feeling so invigorated that all his troubles sleeping and thinking would just be things of the past. Of course, he would owe Velvette, but the Vees were so intertwined with favors and deals it was really nothing to add one more I.O.U to the already overflowing plate. "Okay, Vel, you have my attention. You cash in that favor and I'll share everything I learn from that party with you, and then some." Information alone wouldn't be a fair trade, and Velvette wasn't stupid.

"Sounds good." She held the camera up in front of her face, fixing her hair before making a quick video call.

"Velvette?" Vox heard Charlie's voice and he immediately stepped away. She couldn't see him to begin with, not from the angle Velvette was holding the phone, but Vox still didn't want to take the risk.

"Hey luv!" Velvette's voice was so cheery and sweet it almost didn't even sound like her, in Vox's opinion. "You remember that favor you owe me?"

"Yeah, but I really didn't even want to keep those cloth-" Charlie started to speak, but Velvette gave an over-the-top, friendly laugh that drowned out whatever the princess was trying to say.

"Oh you! It was nothing, really. But I'm going to have to cash in my favor now, is that okay?"

"What's the favor?" The Princess's reply was noncommittal.

"A friend of mine wants to join your little hotel! Do you think you have any openings? I know you're just so busy with all those patrons that are clawing down your door day after day." Even when trying to butter someone up, Velvette's natural, judgmental nature was shining through in biting sarcasm. Vox made a gesture toward her, trying to tell her to stop before Charlie just hung the phone up.

"I mean... your friend will have to ask me directly-"

"Of course, of course. But thanks so much for letting him in. I've been really worried about him lately." Velvette cut down on the underhanded sarcasm so much that the part about her being concerned had actually sounded genuine. Vox was mildly impressed. Usually public deception was his domain.

"I didn't say-"

"Thanks, luvvy! You're an absolute doll! Kisses!" And with that, Velvette ended the call without giving the princess a chance to say no. Vox gave a soft applause as Velvette turned to face him, grinning. "Better head over there and charm the shit out of that little bitch or this was for nothing."

"Please," Vox straightened his tie. "Velvette, dear, I was made for this sort of thing." And with that, electricity consumed him and Vox transported himself as close as he could get to the hotel in question. (He could never get directly onto the property thanks to the interference from the radio tower. It interfered in everything he tried to set up in this area.) He landed about a block away. It was further than he wanted, but it would do. With any luck the Radio Demon would be out, galivanting around Hell, being some else's problem. It would make things so much easier if he wasn't there.

Vox reached the hotel door and knocked, standing with his back straight, looking as presentable as possible. Charlie opened the door. She looked surprised to see him, and looked around as if expecting to see someone else. "Hello Vox!" She smiled politely, but it looked more confused than anything else. "Are you dropping off the Sinner Velvette wants to join the Hotel?"

"Alas, Princess, I am the Sinner." He gave a flourished bow. "I'm tired of bossing people around, being wealthy, and famous. I'm learning it really doesn't bring happiness." He gave a dramatic sigh.

"Bullshit." There was the girlfriend again, breathing down the princess's neck like a fucking stalker.

"No, it's true. I want to be redeemed." Vox insisted.

"You don't give a shit about redemption." The one-eyed bodyguard was looking him up and down.

"No, Vaggie, we have to at least hear him out." Charlie didn't sound as convinced as Vox was hoping.

"You heard the man; he wants to be redeemed!" That voice, that fucking, synthetic, staticky old-timey screech made Vox shiver to his core with anger, however he kept his smile unwavering as Alastor poked his head out behind Charlie looking him up and down. This may not be worth the humiliation.

"Alastor." Vox's voice cracked with synthetic reverberation, despite his best efforts to keep his temper level.

"Vox! You look like absolute shit, my good man!"

"Thank you for noticing." Vox was smiling with such effort his face was starting to hurt as crimson eyes looked him over. "Yes, Princess, things have been rough at the tower recently and I'm looking for a break."

"Valentino finally kicked you out. Huh? That's tough, my dear friend! Velvette could only tolerate you for so long before she ousted you too. I always had a sneaking suspicion she was the leader of the Vees-"

"I wasn't kicked out you fucking l-" Vox had to stop himself. The princess and her angry pet of a girlfriend were staring at him. He coughed, clearing his throat, but only resulting in him coughing harder. Fucking perfect. Now of all times he decided to have one of his fits. He caught his breath, forcing a smile back at Alastor. "Fucking lovable scamp." It took every bit of effort he had to give a warm, playful laugh, offering a hand toward Alastor. "I am just trying to make a personal change."

"It's true, I am a lovable scamp." Alastor chuckled to himself, looking at the offered hand and making no motion to grab it. Vox let his arm drop. "I can't wait to tell Angel about how you got kicked out."

"I wasn't kicked out." Vox reiterated, his voice sounding a bit higher pitched and strained despite his efforts.

"I will have to talk to Angel about this..." Charlie bit her lip, deep in thought. "I want this to be a safe space for him." Vox did not like Angel, but his interactions with him had always been fairly minimal and surface level. Angel's problems didn't particularly lie with him. Thankfully.

"It's physically killing you to be nice right now, isn't it?" The girlfriend looked rather amused as Vox kept his smile frozen on his screen.

"Nope!"

"Holy fuck, is that Vox?" And if the day couldn't get any worse, there was Angel Dust putting in his two cents no one cared about.

"He is here to join the Hotel." Charlie explained as Angel stood behind her, looking the Overlord up and down.

"I don't believe that." Angel looked rather unimpressed.

"Valentino kicked him out."

"Oh shit, really? That's hilarious." Angel looked up at Alastor. "I knew they were fighting a shit ton but to actually get kicked out..." He shook his head, clicking his tongue as Vox let out a forced laugh.

"That didn't happen." No one was listening. He could always force the issue, but he knew from experience his mind control did not work on Alastor, and chances were the Princess would not easily fall prey either. So, it was best to keep the fake-ass grin up, until his screen cracked from the effort.

"He was spying on us earlier, remember? I bet this asshole just wants a fucking invitation to your dad's thing." The girlfriend had a name but Vox couldn't remember it. Right now, all he wanted to call her was an annoying pain in the ass.

"Yeah, that makes sense." Charlie nodded.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I assure you." Vox put his hands behind his back. "I was just trying to-" He stopped, he started to cough again, harder now. Fuck. This was going terribly. He covered his mouth with a VoxTek monogramed handkerchief as he hunched over, trying to catch his breath. Finally, the coughing subsided and he looked up to see the Princess and her crew staring at him. Angel and the girlfriend looked rather disgusted. Charlie seemed strangely concerned, and Alastor? Alastor was grinning from ear to fucking ear.

"My word that sounded terrible! You should really get that looked at!"

"Are you feeling okay, Vox?" Charlie had a hand over her mouth. Vox tucked the handkerchief back in his pocket.

"Quite fine. Doctor says it's a cold, should clear up in a week." The doctor had said that months ago, and Vox was still waiting for the symptoms to be at all alleviated. They only ever seemed to be getting worse.

"Right." Charlie took a deep breath. "Give me one second, okay? Just stay right here." And with that, she gently closed the door.

Great.

Door shut right in his face by the princess of fucking Hell. (At least he could finally stop smiling. His face was aching with the effort.) This was a mistake. Was Lucifer's goddamn party really going to be worth this fucking hassle? Maybe one of Vel's models could have done the trick without Vox having to put his dignity on the line like this. And did Velvette's favor mean nothing to the princess? Where was her sense of obligation to her people? Where was the blatant naivety?

Was she smarter than Vox had given her credit for?

Unlikely.

But it was growing more and more possible.

A painful amount of time passed before the door was reopened. Charlie stood with her Sinners behind her like guards. "Vox." She spoke directly to him.

"Yes Princess?" The moment the door opened his smile returned.

"You can join the Hotel. But if you do, we're going to have to make a deal." She rolled up her sleeve, offering her hand forward."

"Deal?" Vox repeated the word, smile never fading, but his eyes narrowed, looking past the princess toward the grinning, crimson-clad Sinner who had been whispering into her ear for far to long.

"You can join the hotel, and go to my father's dinner. BUT" She stressed the word and Vox's gaze returned to her. "You must be on your best behavior. You cannot fight with Alastor-"

"And Val can't visit." Angel piped up from behind her.

"And Valentino cannot visit you while you're here." Charlie accepted the additional rule. (Which was fine by Vox. He didn't particularly have any desire to see Val, right now.) "And you must participate in activities and give redemption a try for at least one month." One month? That seemed excessive.

"How about one week?' Vox smiled back at her, looking at her hand.

"Now, Vox, that doesn't sound like a man who's hungry for the sweet embrace of Redemption, does it?"

"Ah," Vox's mind was screaming at Alastor to shut his fucking mouth before Vox tore his head off, but Vox simply chuckled. "No, you're absolutely right. One month." And with that, he shook Charlie's hand. There was a rush of energy. Vox felt... more put together than he had moments before. That surge of power... was that what a deal with the royal family felt like...?

Holy fuck.

No wonder Alastor was trying to kiss the Princess's ass.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!" Charlie threw the doors both open, and Vox noticed her cleaning the hand she had used to shake his. Okay, a little rude on the princess's part. But he had been coughing, so he would try to overlook it.

"Excellent." The deal was going to complicate things just a bit.

But Hell was nothing if not a twisting, writhing, mass of loopholes. Vox would figure something out.

The important thing was: He had an invitation to that fucking dinner.

[coraxonxcall]

An Adamsapple phone charm I designed for a friend!

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 20: Divine Intervention

Sera's fingers drummed on the table, her conversation with Lucifer still weighing heavily on her mind. The Devil had done so much wrong... and it was constantly on Heaven to bear the burden of those mistakes. When would he stop causing the suffering of human souls? He had been so good at one time, he had made the very stars in the sky, helped sculpt the beautiful life on earth. Had he been plotting his misdeeds even then? Had every single smile been concealing his true intent? Had ever kind word been part of his deceit? He had done so very much wrong... but to allow the spread of Corruption... she would have thought even Lucifer would have understood the dangers.

No. This was a trick, part of some sort of plan.

Perhaps, Lucifer had finally grown malcontent with his punishment down below and had decided to take his revenge on those who banished him. If he was Corrupted by Adam's bite, then it was only a matter of time till Hell fell to that horror. There was nothing she could do for him. Even if she had wanted to, she could not put Heaven at risk to save the damned. The Winners had been good their whole lives to be spared an afterlife of suffering and fear. She had to think about them. She had to think about her angels that she was supposed to be protecting.

No.

This was the only way.

"Sera? You look a little... stressed..." Emily was staring at her from over her pile of training books. Poor sweet Emily. She was so good, so full of love and hope. She would be such a wonderful Seraphim one day but as of now, she still had so much to learn. Being an angel came with a lifetime of dedication, to your job, to your leader. Gabriel would soon return and help teach Emily in ways Sera could not.

"I'm fine, my little one." Sera hated to lie, but at the same time, Emily was far too young, too innocent to be weighed down with the realities of their situation. Sera was keeping her safe, as was her job since the day she was created: Protection. Heaven and all those within its pearly gates were her responsibility.

"Are you sure?" Emily reached across the table, putting a hand over Sera's tapping fingers. "I could make you a soothing tea!"

"Oh, that would be lovely, but I promise you it is quite unnecessary." Sera could use a bit of a calming tea and it would be good practice for Emily. Her magic was still being refined; her skills needed a bit more guidance. She was going to do such great things one day; Sera was sure of it. But for now, she was too pure, too innocent to understand the reality of their situation.

With Lucifer corrupted, it would only be a matter of time before Michael would have to finish what he started. With a smile the guardian of Heaven would slay the Devil, and all the souls trapped in the burning inferno. He was the true leader of the Exorcists after all. Adam was always meant to be temporary. As soon as he was home, Michael would return to the front, sword at the ready. Though... Adam really was supposed to last longer than this. He would still need a replacement. And that was most likely what her day was going to be spent doing.

"Here!" Emily put tea down on the table in front of Sera. It was steaming hot, but not too hot. The perfect heavenly temperature. "Why don't you tell me what's got you so worried lately! We can talk about our feelings!"

"I told you." Sera took a sip from the tea; she did feel better. However, as much as she would love to discuss her current plight, Emily wasn't ready. "Everything is fine. I'm just so sorry I've been busy. I know all these books and things aren't your favorite activity, but I know Gabriel will be very pleased with your progress." She reached across the table, taking Emily's hand, giving it a loving squeeze. This was the reason she had to do such things, thought it weighed heavy on her heart, she had to secure the future of Heaven, Emily's future.

"When's he coming back?" Emily held her hand gently.

"Soon, my little one. Soon we'll all be reunited once again."

"When he does come back, we should invite him over for a big meal! I want to hear all about what he's been doing!" Emily released her hand. She picked up her dishes and put them in the sink where they instantly became clean again. "And I want to talk to him about Sir Pentious! I have some great-"

"Emily." Sera's voice was cold. They had been having such a nice moment too. "Everything I have been doing in regards to... that Sinner..." the words still tasted foul on her tongue, "have been at Gabriel's behest."

"R-really?" Emily blinked. Her naivety was both her strength and her greatest weakness. It kept her spirits high and helped her uplift the souls of the Winners even while reality was on the verge of collapsing.

"Of course. He is not suffering. He is content in his cell. But he cannot be allowed to wander while Michael is away. If he attacks the Winners, then what? Then who will protect them?" Sera hated breaking Emily's heart, but sometimes the truth was necessary, even if it would burden her the way it did Sera.

"I know he's not suffering and the cell is really just a hotel room-"

"We do not have prisons here in Heaven, Emily. That is what Hell is for."

"Right, but I just don't think he's going to do-"

"But what if he does Emily? Thanks to that disaster of a trial there is unrest in Heaven for the first time. We allow this Sinner to run free and then he hurts a Winner, or a Cherub, then what? Then the Winners will feel unsafe they will lose the trust they have in us in the system that has been working for millions of years. I could stop him, yes, but such a display of violence on our own grounds... it would be traumatic for the Winners, the angels, for you." Sera reached across the table and cupped both Emily's cheeks in her hands. "I know you want to do good things, but the path to Hell is paved with good intentions my darling little Seraph."

"H-hell!?" Emily seemed scared. Oh, it hurt Sera's heart to see that fear in her face, to know her own words had caused it. Yet... better for Sera to teach her here, in this safe environment, then have Emily learn the error of her ways at the burning end of Michael's sword. "I was just sug-"

"I know, I know." Sera brought Emily forward, kissing her forehead. "You have such a pure heart. I know that. But you don't understand what is at stake here."

"Then explain it to me!"

"I will, Emily, once you are a little more trained. I don't want you taking on more than you are ready for. Angels aren't immune to overworking and stress. And I know you haven't read all your texts yet."

"I really don't think: Advanced Holy Harp Hymns is going to explain why Pentious has to stay locked in a hotel room." Emily was upset. Sera hated that she was the cause of such sadness from her precious seraphim. She knew Emily's heart was in the right place, but her actions were wrong.

"I know it all seems confusing. But I promise you will understand it one day. The way that I do. Until then, enjoy your studies. You are the joy of Heaven, my darling; you are the light for our people. Be that light, my little one, and guide them to happiness once again."

"Sera..." Emily was looking at her, expecting more, expecting an explanation that Sera was not prepared to give.

"Forgive me, my dear seraphim. I am afraid we will need to resume this talk later. I have much to do still. But I'll be home tonight." Sera gave Emily one more gentle kiss, this time on the cheek. "Why don't you focus on studying, and when I get home, you can show me the newest song you've perfected on your harp! Perhaps we'll even sing it together! Won't that be lovely?"

"I... guess..." Emily sounded so sad; it broke Sera's heart to see her that way. But she knew that it was for the best. At least for now. She did not long for the day when Emily would share in her burden, but she knew it was coming.

"Wonderful." Sera stood, picking up her tea in its cute little cloud mug. "I can bring this with me. It would be a shame to waste it." She smiled as she took a sip. "Still a perfect temperature! Expertly brewed my little one. Compliments to the barista~" She gave a playful wink to lighten the heavy mood. Emily did seem to ease up, a smile broke through her saddened expression.

"Thank you. I've been practicing."

"I can tell. And practice has paid off." She walked beside Emily, resting a hand on her shoulder as the younger Seraphim sat at the table. "You are so amazing, my child. You make me proud every day." She squeezed her shoulder. "I'll be home tonight, my dear."

"Yes Sera, I'll look forward to it." Emily looked up at her.

"Thank you for being so patient and understanding. Patience is a virtue, you know." She said the words almost teasingly. Emily laughed.

"I know. It's Raphael, right?"

"It is! Very good. Though I'd be questioning your studies if you missed that one." Sera chuckled giving Emily's shoulder another little squeeze.

"That was an easy question. Ask me something harder."

"The hard questions will be from the Metatron when the time is right." Sera smiled, reflecting on her own training days. They had been so long ago that Gabriel had trained her himself- back when he still took orders from the Traitor who damned all of humanity thanks to his own selfish actions. And here he was, doing it again all because he was incapable of understanding the fact that his actions hurt those around him. Heaven had bailed him out way too many times because of his rank. They could no longer afford to keep pulling Lucifer out of his cesspit. Eventually, he would just need to face the consequences of his actions. "Be good while I'm away." Sera looked back down at Emily who gave her the sweetest smile, the eyes in her halo seemed to be smiling too.

"I always am."

"I know you are." And with that, Sera took her leave. She had to get started if she was going to have everything in perfect shape for the next Extermination. Without Adam at the head, things would be more difficult than ever before. Hell had learned of a way to fight back, and now Lucifer was even refusing to uphold their current contract. Perhaps... perhaps the Corruption had already begun to eat away at his mind. They always said the sanity was the first thing to go. Paranoia, confusion, memory loss, delusions of grandeur... they were all symptoms of what Adam had spread. They were just fortunate he hadn't been so careless as to spread anything to Heaven. It would be a nightmare finding angels or Winners that were contaminated due to Heaven's masking nature. The warm, healing light tried to fix all ailments. Though, at times, the attempt to heal could result in only fixing symptoms but allowing the cause to fester. Fortunately, Adam was in Hell. He was Hell's problem, and if he damned them all, then nothing was lost that wasn't already destined to be destroyed. There was no Redemption. No way back in Heaven.

Pentious had been a fluke, or perhaps... a sign.

A warning sign.

He was not proof of redemption, but rather, proof that the barriers between Heaven and Hell were becoming weak. Sera had been too lenient allowing Lucifer's spawn to traverse all around without a guard. How could she have been so foolish? Michael would be upset for certain.

"There you are." A voice called out to the head Seraphim as she entered the beautiful, gilded building in which she had been working. She had not even put her hand on her office door when Lute stepped out of the shadows, arms crossed looking rather annoyed- though that did seem to be her default expression in Sera's experience. The Exorcists were really their own unique breed of angel, they lacked the amazement and starlight that filled the eyes of the youth and kept that innocent wonder in Heaven.

"Lute, good afternoon." Sera was glad that she had dragged herself out this way; it saved her the trouble of locating Lute on her own.

"You're late."

"I had a hold up. But we can discuss it in my office." Sera opened the door and gestured for Lute to go ahead. Adam's second in command, Lute had all the drive and bloodlust to fuel her sisters to victory. Sera closed the door and took a seat at her desk. "Please, sit. Chat. Tell me what is on your mind."

"What is on my... are you fucking kidding me? We lost Exorcists in that last absolute shit-show in Hell. And you," she pointed directly at Sera as she took her seat, "haven't replenished our numbers. We have to train the newbies, get their weapons crafted, there's a whole bunch of bullshit that goes into my job and not having our reinforcements is kinda putting me behind schedule."

"I do understand your concerns." Sera nodded. "However, there is no need for vulgarity. We can talk like civilized adults."

"You can shove that holier-than-thou bullshit right up your ass, Sera. I'm not in the mood." Lute made a show of rolling her eyes.

"I have not exactly had a great morning, Lute." Sera kept her tone level, but stern. "Now you are upset, I know you miss Adam. He was a strong leader; he was a beacon to you in the darkness of Hell. But he is gone now... not just gone but..." Sera took a deep breath. Lute knew the truth. She was one of the few. Sera had to tell her. She had no choice in the matter. It was better to tell Lute straight out, than have Adam try to temp her in the heat of battle.

"A traitor." Lute cast her eyes downward, her body language went stiff. She almost spat the last word.

"Despite all the good he has done for you, for our beautiful Exorcists, for the very realm of Heaven... he broke a contract with the Devil and his soul has become bound to that beast below. He is no longer the Adam who guided you, he is one of them. A Sinner. It pains me to see him that way. But it is out of our hands."

"He was better off dead." Lute was quieter now. Her annoyance had been replaced with a deep-seated, passionate loathing. That was better.

"I talked to Lucifer this morning. He is trying to argue against the returning Extermination which is completely ridiculous."

"He has Adam, what the fuck else could he want!?" Lute was seething at this point. "We held up our end of his shitty fucking deal!"

"I know, I know." Sera held up a hand trying to get Lute to calm herself. Righteous fury was one thing, but she was walking the thin line toward wrath.

"I have half a mind to talk to you-know-who and get this fucker put in his place." Lute had the right idea, but she was far too brash.

"Now, that won't be necessary, my child" Sera's tone became more soothing, gentle. "I have things quite under control. Lucifer is in no state to be making demands of us. He needs us more than we need him. I am certain, if things continue along their current path, you will free to carry out the next Exterminations unopposed." Lucifer had looked so sickly when they had last talked; it broke Sera's heart to see one so strong, so proud, in such a weakened state. Lucifer had been an angel once, a leader, a pillar of Heaven. To see how far he had Fallen, could break even the strongest of angels. Sera did not want to see him suffer, but there was nothing she could do.

"So, then we're back to my current point about getting new Exorcists. I mean, I'm not really sure what the protocol is here because we don't usually die, but we need to replenish our numbers before this next Extermination Day."

"I'm aware, Lute." Sera was pleased to see Lute had returned to a more professional tone. The problem she was bringing up, was one Sera, herself, had been pondering in her time between other tasks. They would need more Exorcists than ever before if Corruption was spreading through Hell. "However, things are not that simple. To create an angel- or rather- an Exorcist, as you are a very particular type of angel, is a nuanced process. It requires something we don't have, currently." She took a deep breath. "We need a human soul. That is why Adam was so very, very important to your legion. Without him, we don't have everything we need. As the first man he had a very powerful soul, very old. In order to find someone to replace him our best bet is to try and follow his family tree."

"Oh god, not fucking Abel." Lute made a face of obvious disgust.

"You dislike Abel?" He had not been Sera's first choice either, due to his young age when he died, (and for the fact that his claim to fame was being defeated by one of Hell's own residents). However, she had not expected such a strong reaction from Lute on the matter. Still, she valued her opinion.

"You're shitting me, right?" Lute raised an eyebrow at Sera from across her desk. "Have you ever talked to Abel?"

"On occasion. Emily is quite fond of him." Sera had found him hanging around many times, along with that Molly who had come about far more recently. Emily really had let herself get too close to the Winners. She was a seraphim, one day she might need to give these Winners commands. But that was an argument for another time, Emily had been through enough today.

"He's such a fucking buzzkill." Lute let out an exasperated sigh. "Like holy fucking shit, dude, you're in Heaven of all goddamn places and you sit there moping? Like? What the fuck is wrong with him."

"He had a hard death. Be gentle with him."

"You sound like Adam. Though, by the end even he could admit Abel was a fucking downer."

"I see, well," Sera shuffled the papers on her desk, "I shall make note of your feelings. I was looking toward Seth anyway since he has considerably more life experience while on Earth than his brother."

"I mean Seth's kinda fucking stupid, but he's a better choice than Abel." Lute kicked her feet onto Sera's desk, making the Seraphim have to move her name plate out of the way to avoid it being stepped on. "Either way, they're just a figure head. I'm the one who's been doing this since we started. I'm the one who is really in charge."

"Of course." Sera took Lute's foot between her thumb and index finger and slowly moved it off her desk. "You are more experienced; you were made for combat. Adam was weak at first too, he required a lot of convincing and time. You must remember that. Please, be gentle with Seth."

"Can't we use... literally anyone other than them?"

"You'll have to trust that these are our best options. When the Metatron returns, perhaps she can explain all the nuances of making an angel. But for now, you will have to trust my experience in this matter." Sera kept a calm smile on her face. Lute was right to question Seth's capabilities. Sera also had concerns, however, having faith that all would work out in the end was a valued part of angelic culture. Seth would rise to the occasion as Adam had before him.

"Whatever." Lute rolled her eyes. "When I finally meet the Metatron, I'm going to have bigger fucking questions than just: where do angels come from. I want to know about how to climb the ranks."

"An excellent inquiry." Sera applauded softly. "And when she returns, I will gladly set you up an appointment to meet with her. Of course, I'll have to get all this unrest settled before she gets out. The Exterminations have been... divisive, to say the least." She didn't want to think of what the heads of Heaven would do if they found their beautiful paradise in turmoil thanks to Adam's big fucking mouth. Sera was lucky the First Man hadn't decided to parade their absence all across the pearly gates.

"That's because Winners are fucking stupid. Good, but stupid. They don't understand the situation. They want to sit up in Heaven enjoying all the fucking perks, but they don't want to know the cost."

"Lute." Sera spoke more sternly. "Why don't you go and fetch Seth for me?" Sera did not have the time or mental capacity to debate with Lute about the Winners. Her opinion would not be changed in the time Sera had allotted into her day for small talk. Fortunately, despite her attitude, Lute was obedient when it mattered.

"Yeah, yeah." Lute got back to her feet. "I can't believe we're going to be stuck with fucking Seth."

"Quickly, Lute." Sera reiterated her point, and Lute took her leave. That was all for the best. The sooner Sera found the new leader for the Exorcists, the sooner he could be trained into position. The sooner they could refill their dwindling ranks. It was a shame they were down this many, had Adam been a more capable leader, he could have utilized the Exorcists to their full potential. But alas, the past was in the past. Sera could do nothing now but learn from it.

She organized her paperwork, and began to write up Lucifer's request for assistance- as she was certain he would be returning on hand and knee, pleading for aid. He would be a lot more reasonable once the Corruption put his ego in check. She would be more than happy to work out something with him once he understood the gravity of his situation. He had no reason to act so haughty, and yet, he still mocked and derided her in the same, very call where he had begged for her mercy.

Clearly, he wasn't desperate enough.

That was something time could fix. And that it would. However, until then, Sera needed to prepare herself and her angels for when they would need to return to a more toxic, Corrupted Hell. The Sinners would be stronger, more dangerous than ever before. Her Exorcists needed more training. Would Seth be up for the task?

Knock, knock, knock*.

Speak of the Winner...

"Come in." Sera straightened her posture as she heard a gentle knock at her office door. There was a soft click, as it swung open. Seth timidly poked his head of curly, black hair inside. His golden eyes peered around till they saw Sera. He gave a friendly sort of wave as he hesitantly stepped inside.

"Hey-o." Like with Abel before him, Seth kept his clothing more traditional, long robes that were befitting of his time. Though he wore a necklace of shells around his neck. Seth, like Adam, had a bit of well-groomed facial hair. Though he did still resemble his mother, he looked far more like Adam than Abel did. "I heard you were-uh- looking for me?" He seemed to be looking around the room as if expecting someone to jump out of hiding and surprise him.

"I was. Greetings, Seth, Son of Adam." Sera gestured to the chair in front of her. "Have a seat."

"Nah, I'm good." Seth wasn't moving any further into the room. Like Adam's other son, Seth was... lacking in the social department. Though he had as wife and children, so how Seth was able to charm his way into that, Sera wasn't entire sure. Then again, someone had married Cain so there was no accounting for taste in the human world. "Thanks though."

"I insist."

"No, I think I wanna stand."

"Why?" Sera raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm um... gonna do some swimming later and I wanna make sure my hammies are all stretched. You know how it is."

"No. I really don't."

"I'm just fine standing. I like standing, it's good for you."

"Seth, you're acting... uncomfortable." Sera snapped and a chair appeared behind Seth, sweeping him into a sitting position and pulling him so he was directly in front of her desk. Seth's wings fluttered and he very quickly got to his feet in front of the chair before looking back at Sera and quietly sitting back down. "See?" Her voice was gentle as she looked at the smaller form of the human soul sitting before her. Even with Adam's size changing abilities, the human had never quite made it to a size where he could look her in the eyes. Seth did not have such a gift, so she dwarfed him as he sat, swinging his feet as the chair was sized for seraphim, not for humans.

"I'm not uncomfortable. I just have a lot going on right now and this wasn't on my schedule."

"I assure you; this is more important."

"Right, but like, I read the book for the book club this time and I think I have some great contributions to the topic."

"Seth." Sera's eyes narrowed.

"Yeah?"

"It's not polite to lie."

"Okay. So, I only read half the book, but David kinda steals the conversation away every time. So as long as I get a few words in-"

"I'm sure you are wondering why I have brought you here today." Sera cut him off. If Seth was anything like his father, the pointless prattling could go on for hours and Sera may have the patience of a Seraphim, but even she had her limits. Seth looked up at her, as if puzzled, hands folded in his lap.

"I assumed it was to give me some kind of apology? Maybe like a bereavement wreath? Look, I'm not here to tell you how to do your job but Abel really likes soft things, so maybe a blanket or a stuffed sheep if you're taking requests. He has a bunch of sheep-themed stuff. Dad thought he'd grow out of it but you know, he got murdered before he could, I guess."

"Apology?" Sera had to find the key words in Seth's rant. For a Winner, he liked to hear himself talk quite a bit. (He had gotten all of Adam's worst traits, from the looks of it. Sera was starting to remember why she rarely interacted with the Winners outside of necessary business.)

"Yeah. You know, 'cause you got my dad killed." Seth's smile faded in an instant. "And you let him slaughter innocent souls."

"Seth, please." Oh, this was not going well already. Sera took a deep breath, grabbing the sides of her desk as she tried to find her center. "What your father was doing... it was not just out of cruelty."

"I figured that. Dad had his... flaws..." Seth was choosing his words carefully, "but he wasn't a monster. You did something to him. He wasn't acting right for a while before he actually died. An awfully convenient death, if you ask me. Heaven is upset about the discovery of these Exterminations, as you call them, and all of the sudden the leader gets killed? Yeah. That seems really likely."

"Seth." Sera raised her voice a bit. "You are questioning the words of angels?" A few more of her eyes opened.

"I am just pointing out some observations."

"You are walking a dangerous path, is what you're doing. I would watch that tongue of yours before you end up with your other brother, rotting in the fires below. Hasn't Abel lost enough family?" Sera wasn't sure if Seth and Abel were all that close, in fact, the impression she had gotten from Emily is that they weren't. However, empathy was a strong emotion for the Winners.

"Sorry, Sera." Seth quieted down. "Grief has been hard. Adam was still my father, despite his actions... I loved him."

"I know, I know, my poor little one." The eyes in Sera's hair slowly closed as she vanished from her desk, reappearing behind Seth, putting both hands on his shoulders, trying to console him. Despite Seth's constant push-back, he was still a human soul, the very thing Sera was sworn to protect. It hurt to see him torn up by grief, but oh, how much more anguished he would be to learn of Adam's true fate.

"I still don't understand why he did that..."

"He was protecting you, your brother, all of Heaven..." Sera wasn't happy to see Seth was already so avidly against the Exterminations. He just didn't understand their necessity. They were not for fun. They were a horrible act that had to be carried out for the good of all those above and below.

"He was killing innocent souls!"

"Those souls down below are many things, Seth, but they are not innocent." Sera's voice was calm, but stern. "And they are plotting to destroy us, even now. They have far greater numbers than we do, and if they clawed their way to our gates, we are ill prepared to hold them off."

"Plotting? That sounds ridiculous."

"Ridiculous!?" More of her eyes opened. "Do you hear yourself, Seth? These Exterminations were approved by the Archangel Michael to assure the safety of those in Heaven and you dare call his plan: ridiculous?"

"I- I just-"

"You just what?"

"I don't like the idea of killing Sinners. Cain is one of them, you know... and I grew up with him."

"Cain murdered Abel in cold blood by beating him to death."

"I... yeah... I heard the story."

"Did they also tell you he tried to bury the body so no one would ever know and we had to get directly involved?"

"I mean... no. I wasn't born yet and Dad and mom really didn't like to talk about what happened due to all the trauma-"

"Seth, you are a good man." Sera hated to harp on the story of Cain and Abel as Seth had not even been born yet. But it was the tale that hit the closest to home for him. While he had not witnessed the tragedy itself, he had seen the effect it had on Adam and Eve who were never the same after such a loss. "And I know this all sounds so... cruel... but cruelty is murder, cruelty is deception, cruelty is climbing to the top on the backs of those below you suffering underfoot. That is what Hell is. That is all Hell is." She still had her hands on his shoulders.

"Y... yes Sera." He was strangely tense in her grip.

"And if they rise up against Heaven, they will bring all that here."

"Yeah but-"

"I have seen the Four Horsemen prepping. I know Hell is plotting our downfall even as we speak. And that is why your father had to slay the Sinners. He had to thin their numbers, to stop Hell from reaching its full capacity. Once it does, that's it. For Heaven, for Earth, it will be the end of the world."

"Wow." Seth blinked. "That... that's a lot."

"I know." Sera leaned down, taking Seth into a gentle hug. He was still tense, rigid, he seemed more afraid than anything else. Had she... perhaps taken things too far? "But I only tell you all of this to give you background for all your father was doing. It was a job that still needs to be done."

"That... that sounds tough." Seth was trying to slide his way out of her grip. How odd... why was he struggling?

"It is quite the predicament."

"Well, I hope you can find someone."

"I have."

"Oh. Fantastic. Give them my regards, tell them not to get stabbed. That's what happened to my dad, you see. And I hear that can be fatal." Seth managed to free himself of Sera's arm and was getting to his feet.

"Y... yes Seth. I am aware of that."

"Well, this has been just... a great chat, but I actually am running late for that book club and if I don't get there soon my wife is going to ask a lot of questions! And I definitely told her I was going to be here, so you know, she would probably look here first if anything happened to me."

"Why are you speaking so strangely?" Sera looked down at him, he seemed to be putting some distance in between himself and the Seraphim. "Seth, I am here to ask you to take your father's position. Finish what he started." She held her hand out toward him. "Be Heaven's hero."

"That is... such a nice offer but actually, I can't take you up on it." Seth's voice sounded a bit strained. "I'm busy that week."

"I didn't tell you when you would be needed. And it is more than just a week, Seth. This will require training. You'll have to learn things about combat. I am not certain you have had any combat experience but neither did Adam. So don't worry, you'll learn it all eventually."

"Oh yeah. No. I actually have a dentist appointment that I just can't miss. It's scheduled for Extermination Day, so," Seth sucked in air through his teeth, "that's just poor timing, you know?"

"Dentist... what?" There were no dentists when Seth had been alive, and there was certainly no need for them in Heaven. The fact that he was lying was bad enough, but the sheer absurdity of it, caused Sera to falter. She blinked and Seth was already almost back toward the door. "Seth! Wait!" He was far less receptive than she had hoped. But she still had a trump card. "I can show you something, show you what made your dad change his mind-"

"Oh, what's that honey?" Seth pulled out his phone and held it to his ear. Sera wasn't stupid, she could tell there was no one on the other line. "You want me to stop by Heavenly Delights on my way to the book club? Doughnuts! Oh yeah! I think that is a great idea." He covered the mouthpiece of his phone. "Sorry Sera, the wife needs some things. And you know how much we are supposed to love and honor our spouse. Been a fun conversation though. We can talk about this again later. I'm busy for the next few years, but after that, hit me up." And with that he was out the door.

Sera watched him go, feeling her fist clench in anger. Why was he acting like a moron? Running from his responsibility? She could chase him down the hall, she was far faster than any Winner, or even any angel. (It was a trait of Gabriel's angels to be the fastest). However, that would make a scene. There were many angels and cherubim in this building and she didn't need Seth to have a fit. She would need to be a little more forceful, it seemed. But that was fine. She could come back to Seth if her next choice fell through. Which was...

Abel.

Hmm. Perhaps she should just try Seth again.

No, Abel, if anyone, would have a reason to fight against the Sinners. He had been wronged in a way Seth had not. Seth had grown up knowing Cain, but being distant from his crimes. Clearly, she needed someone with a more personal connection. That was fine. She could get Abel easily. Emily always seemed to know where he was. All she had to do was run back home and check. Emily should still be around, studying diligently to learn about her angelic duties. Sera wouldn't even need to be specific about her reason for talking to Abel. (Emily would hate it if she knew.)

Sera put her papers back in order and quickly returned to her home. The kitchen was empty. Well, that was annoying. Perhaps Emily had taken her things to her room to study. "Emily?" Sera began looking through the house. She walked into her own room. The Heaven phone was still where she had left it, though the glass did look a little... dingy. Well, that was no surprise. Lucifer had called her while Corrupted. That had been so careless of him, endangering Heaven like it meant nothing to him.

There had been a way to clean Corruption off of objects. Raphael had figured it out. There was a book in the Archive that discussed it. She could pick that up while she searched for Abel. Best stop this Corruption at the source before it started to crawl its way through Heaven. But first, she really did need to find where Emily had wander off to, it wasn't like her to just disappear.

"Emily, dear? Where have you gone?" Sera searched the house all over, but couldn't find her. How odd. She pulled out her phone and simply sent a quick text message. Best to be sure she was safe.

Sera [Sent- 3:25 PM]: Emily? Where are you?

There was an almost instant reply.

Emily [Received-3:25PM]: AH! Sorry! I was out getting snacks!

The message was complete with a sad little emoji.

Sera [Sent- 3:26 PM]: Is Abel with you?

Emily [Received-3:26 PM]: No? Should he be?

Sera [Sent-3:27 PM]: No. But if you see him, tell him I wish to speak with him. Tell him to meet me in my office within the hour. Do add that he isn't in trouble, I know how he always jumps to the worst-case scenario.

Emily simply replied with a thumbs up. Well, that would make things easier for Sera. Emily had some sort of internal tracker on Abel and Molly. She could pinpoint them in any crowd no matter the size. But this would give Sera time to get the Heaven phone purified and get back to her office. All she needed to do was find Raphael's old research on cleansing Corruption. It was somewhere in the Archive. It shouldn't have been too difficult to find. She only needed to refresh herself on how to handle this ancient threat. It hadn't affected Heaven in... ages.

Sera hurried to the Archive. One of Uriel's angels was staffing it. Not a Seraphim, but just a low-level angel. She waved as Sera came in. "Greetings Sera! What can I do for you this fine day?" She was a pink angel whose head was a simple ring of eyes, all of which were wearing almost comical little glasses. The rest of her was practically human in shape, wearing a pink turtle neck sweater that matched her pink wings, and a long flowing blue skirt, that covered whether or not she actually had feet. Her halo was normal, just a simple glowing ring, though it sat a bit higher as the wheal that made her head did seem to rotate around as she moved.

"Oh, thank goodness you're here." Sera smiled, looking down at the Archivist. She couldn't for the life of her remember this angel's name. They didn't serve the same Archangel, and they rarely had need to interact.

"I mean... I pretty much always am." The Archivist laughed.

"Yes, you are." Sera smiled, her eyes searching in vain for some sort of nametag. They really should make those more commonplace in Heaven. "Yes, well, I have need of a research journal Raphael wrote. It was on the Elders and the Corruption they caused. I think it might have been in one of his medical journals."

"Oh dear, is something wrong?" The Archivist began typing on her tablet, giving Sera a worried look over her shoulder.

"No, I'm working on some research for Gabriel. It's top-secret." She didn't like to lie. It did not feel great to do so, but when it was for the greater good, she found it didn't bother her quite as much. She had no desire to panic this poor angel with the true severity of the situation. Especially not when Sera had it under control.

"Top-secret? Exciting! I would love a top-secret mission from Uriel!" The happiness returned to her voice, and the Archivist looked from Sera back to her screen. "Well, you're in luck! Raphael hasn't written too many books or scrolls on the topic, so I've isolated all your best options to aisle 3-A." She gestured down one of the long, winding halls of books and a light from the ceiling shown down on a particular section. "Can I assist with anything else?"

"Oh, goodness no." Sera smiled, and hurried to the section in question. Each of the books the Archivist had found were illuminated in a glowing white light. Things were quite easy to find, despite the overwhelming size of the Archive. It was important to be able to find things quickly, and Uriel understood that. So, all her Archive staff were highly equipped to navigate the literary labyrinth.

Sera looked through the books in question. It was true, there really weren't many options. She found one, an old journal where Raphael seemed to be making notes about the spread of Corruption. THIS was the book she had remembered. She flipped through the pages until she saw it: Low-level Corruption can be purged with holy water. Perfect. That was all she needed. She put the book down on top of a stack of books that had been left on the convenient little table that had materialized beside her. She looked through the other books just to be sure there wasn't any more, leaving them in the stack as well. There wasn't much else to learn.

That was a remarkably simple solution.

She had everything she needed. So, now it was time to-

Sera stopped. She wasn't alone. There was another angel who had just fluttered his way into the exact same aisle as she was in. What were the odds?

"Can I help you?" She looked the angel up and down. He had the curly red hair, big glasses, multiple eyes on his cheeks speckled about like freckles. His wings were a much deeper red than the Archivist's.

"S-Sorry. Just looking." He did not make eye contact with any of his eyes as he tried to scoot past her, stepping between Sera and the table.

"I know you." Sera's eyes narrowed as she looked him over. "You're the boat captain... Ja...Jazeerael, right?"

"Well, the humans call me Jayce because my angelic name is a little obvious and hard to pronounce without a properly shaped tongue, which, fun fact: most humans do not have." He gave an awkward laugh.

"What are you doing here?" Sera did not have time to toy with the Ferry Boat Captain. He always seemed to be trying to get her to look at one inane chart or another. But he clearly wasn't here to see her as he looked surprised, maybe even... intimidated by her presence.

"Oh, you know, I haven't seen Phoebe in a while, and since the boats are automated, I thought it might be nice to stop by."

"Phoebe?" Sera blinked. Jazeerael looked back at her as if equally confused. He looked at Sera, then back at the Archivist, then back at Sera before slowly gesturing back toward the Archivist in the far distance, sitting at her desk. (She was always visible from any point in the Archive. It stopped people from getting lost.)

"Phoebe."

"Oh right!" That was the Archivist's name! Sera clapped her hands together, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically. "Phoebe!"

"That's... what I said."

"Right, I knew that. But you still haven't given me a reason why you are here this deep in the Archive. Phoebe," Sera gestured back toward the front of the Archive, "is sitting over there."

"Well, yes." Jazeerael looked a tad flustered. "But also, I thought, maybe I could get some new books for the Archive in Port Gatory! You know, because I've read all the ones we have since you decided to bench me."

"Port G- oh right." Sera's face fell a bit. "The name change. I had almost forgotten. Whose idea was that anyway?"

"Look, I just work there." Jazeerael held up both his hands as if he was under some sort of interrogation. His behavior was... unusual. But if Sera's memory served her correctly, he had always been a bit odd due to his constant exposure to that Hellborn he was forced to call a coworker.

"Jazeerael..." she put her hand on his shoulder and, like with Seth, physically felt him tense. "You were not benched. You still serve a great deal of purpose in Purga-" She stopped herself, heaving a big sigh. "In Port Gatory. But if you need any sort of new reading material, you must request it through the proper channels. You can't just come here and force poor Penny-"

"Phoebe."

"Right, Phoebe, to give you new books. That isn't a very proper way to do things. You could get both you and she in trouble." Sera didn't miss a beat. The Archivist really didn't look like a Phoebe, in Sera's defense.

"So... no new books?" Jazeerael looked rather worried by the answer. Sera shook her head, releasing his shoulder.

"No, and even if you were getting anything new, they would certainly not be books from over here."

"Well, darn."

"Yes. Darn indeed. Now, why don't you head back to your post. I know those boats don't drive themselves." Sera gently started to turn Jazeerael around toward the exit. She wanted him out of this aisle.

"Well, actually, they do and that's part of the issue I have tried to bring up multiple times if I'm being honest right now." Jazeerael reached into his jacket pulling out the tablet Heaven had issued to him to help him run things as smoothly as possible while being forced from the pearly gates. He grabbed the table in such a wide, sweeping gesture he knocked the stack of books Sera had carefully stacked all over. "Oh shoot!" He immediately knelt down to gather what he dropped. "I am so sorry Sera. I just wanted you to look at some charts."

"I really don't have time right now. If you want to discuss things like this, you'll need to set up an appointment."

"Right. Well, I've actually been trying to do just that, but I keep getting pushed back? It's really frustrating."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." She stood over him until he had put the stack of books back in the table. "But I am afraid Heaven's needs do come before that of Port Gatory. What you do is so very important Jazeerael and you do such a fantastic job. I know you can handle things until I'm able to take a proper look."

"I... I suppose so." Jazeerael got back to his feet and instantly Sera put her hands on his back.

"Perfect, now why don't you head back home?" She could feel him instantly tense at her touch, almost shaking. "Next time you head to the Archive, be sure to submit proper requests first."

"Yes, Sera. Of course, Sera."

"It was so good seeing you. Don't be a stranger, all right?" She steered him toward the Archive exit. "And I promise I am going to look over those charts you've been sending." She reached the door, opening it for Jazeerael and gently nudging him outside onto the stone steps. "Phoebe, darling, lovely seeing you. I left a few books out; I hope that isn't an issue."

"Not at all..." the Archivist was watching the interaction looking confused.

"Perfect! Well, you best get back to work, Captain." It was best to remind Jazeerael of his true duty. He cleared his throat straightening his uniform jacket which was bulging on one side. He needed to have that pressed.

"Will do. Thank you for your time." And he turned on his heel and hurried away rather quickly. Sera made sure he was on his way to the exit. He was an angel; he should listen to his superior. However, he had constant exposure to a bad influence. She had to be sure. But he did go right for the gates, giving a wave to Peter before vanishing back to his domain.

Now. This whole fiasco had put her behind schedule. Abel had most likely been waiting on her for quite some time. And she still hadn't cleaned the Heaven phone. Well, it had waited this long, it could wait for her to appeal to her second choice. Abel had been in Heaven the longest, perhaps, despite his young age when he died, the experience in the afterlife would make him more reasonable. Sera hurried back to her office; she threw the door open and...

No one.

Abel wasn't there.

She checked her phone to see one missed message.

Emily [Received- 4:22PM]: Hey, I haven't seen Abel yet. Not sure where he is today.

Fantastic.

Abel usually hovered around Emily like some sort of fly, but the one time Sera actually needed him to be around and he was missing in action. Heaven was quite large, but typically you would always see who you were looking for if you simply wandered aimlessly. Things just had a way of working out when you were in the sky above. However, Sera didn't have the patience to try and wander around until she serendipitously stumbled upon Adam's middle child. She had other ways to find people, ways that were privy only to Heaven's highest-ranking officials.

She left her own office, heading to the end of the hall where a pair of golden doors towered over even Sera. The angelic carvings that lined the doorway were pulsing with their own glimmering light. Sera hesitated. Standing in front of this office was humbling. No matter how many times she had seen the room behind, it could still feel so overwhelming, even if the owner of the office was currently away.

But the Metatron had left Sera access to her things in case of emergency. And this was certainly an emergency.

The doors slowly swung open. The room looked completely empty. Without the Metatron around to manipulate things, the room was barely more than an empty storage unit. But when the Metatron was here, the room could be anything and everything Heaven needed. Sera stood on the center of the room; her hands clasped together. She closed her eyes, breathing in slowly, and envisioning the item she wanted. "This is Sera, I need to find Abel."

She cracked an eye open.

Nothing seemed to be happening.

"This is Sera, Seraphim of Gabriel, head of Heaven. I must locate Abel, Son of Adam. Please." She closed her eyes again. She had to maintain faith that things would work out. That is how the magic of Heaven functioned.

Still nothing.

That was fine. She could bypass this. Sometimes traditional means could be less reliable when the Metatron was away. That was why Sera had been given a key card that would give her direct access to the Metatron's magical arsenal. She walked back toward the door, sliding the key card through a slot on the side. Immediately the blank room came alive with swirling lights and clouds. Sera extended her wings and the ground vanished, the clouds tore apart, morphing into stars as the light disappeared and Sera found herself floating in the middle of a galaxy. She felt amazing seeing all the twinkling lights of space around her, looking so small in comparison. The beauty of life spread far beyond that of just Earth. It only strengthened Sera's resolve. She was finally seeing things from the Metatron' perspective.

"This is Sera, head Seraphim, leader of Heaven. I need to locate Abel, Son of Adam." She kept one hand to the side of the door, wings gently fluttering as the room shifted again. Now she was in a large, ornate room. There was a stone table in the center, above which, a holographic map of Heaven had been created. Sera stepped forward, her wings going still as the ground returned, now made of shining marble. Above her head were glittering ropes of red and gold hovering in the air like a beautiful wrapped halo. Sera slowly approached the map. She could see all of Heaven in beautiful, intricate detail. She could see the image of Winners dancing, frolicking, enjoying the luxuries of their hard-earned afterlife.

One shone more brightly than any other image. There was Abel, sitting in one of the restaurants, reading a book.

Perfect.

Sera walked back to the door, removing the key card and putting it back in her desk. She knew exactly where he was.

She hurried to the restaurant in question and found Abel just as the map had foretold. He was sitting at a table, reading. He didn't look up as she approached, seemingly invested in the book before him.

"Abel."

"Yes?" He looked up, upon seeing Sera he seemed to look unsettled.

"I need you to come with me. It's important."

"I can't right now. I'm out with Seth." Abel gestured at the empty chair in front of him. "He... uh... he just stepped away for a second." Sera narrowed her eyes.

"Lying is a sin, Abel."

"I'm not lying! He just stepped away for a second to look at the desserts!"

"Come along." Sera held out her hand. Abel looked down at it, unmoving. "This won't take long. But it is very important." Abel and Seth were not close. Sera had to really think back on it. On her interactions with Adam. He had complained about it several times when he was supposed to be briefing her on his progress with the Exterminations. So, it was incredibly unlikely Abel was telling the truth. Seth was at the same restaurant, sure, but so was Seth's wife.

"Sera, I don't think-" Abel pulled his hand back, but Sera grabbed it.

"Come on, dear. This will be quick." She hated to use her powers on him, but she didn't want to risk Abel making some kind of scene and upsetting the other patrons. So, with his hand in hers, she moved so quickly, the room seemed to shift, and suddenly they were in her office. "Have a seat, Abel, I am glad we were able to find this time to chat."

"I think I just got kidnapped..." Abel did as he was told, sitting in the chair in front of Sera's desk. He looked even smaller than Seth had. It was easy to forget how small and fragile the Winners could look compared to the angels who ruled above them, protected then.

"Don't be so dramatic." Sera sighed, looking down at him. "This was just an impromptu meeting."

"You literally just stole me away from Seth."

"You're fine." Sera shuffled the papers on her desk before folding her hands, clearing her throat. "Now, I'm sure you're wondering why I have called you here today." Unless, of course, Seth had stepped in to give Abel a heads up. She really needed to find a way to make certain Seth kept the confidential information to himself. Abel shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

"I mean, Seth said you might come looking for me."

"Did he tell you why?"

"No." Abel wasn't looking at Sera, but rather staring at the floor. His wings were arched around him as if he were trying to hide. At least Seth hadn't gone about spreading the information across Heaven. That was a relief. "I don't suppose you have any news about dad..."

"Your dad is dead, Abel. He died in the service of Heaven." Sera's heart ached. She hated to lie to a grieving son. However, Abel was so much better off not knowing what his father had become. And if she wanted him to slay the Sinners, it would be simpler if he didn't know his father might be among the bodies at the end. She didn't have to worry about him recognizing Adam. The Exorcist's helmets had a way of hiding what the wearer didn't want to see. "He fought so hard to keep you and your brother safe from the horrors below."

"I know... I was just hoping he would... I dunno... come back?"

"I am so, very sorry for your loss." Sera felt her eyes water. Breaking the heart of a human soul never got any easier. Whether it was telling them of loss or explaining that a loved one would not end up in Heaven alongside them. "You know, if there is anything we can do for you and your brother, you just need to ask."

"I mean, you could let me get back to my dinner." Abel looked up timidly through the golden strands of hair that had been dyed permanently by the blood his brother had spilled.

"Abel, my dear child, I am afraid we need to discuss something important before that." Sera took a deep breath; she looked down at the Winner in question. "Your father was doing important work. While I know it was a difficult, painful job, his Exterminations were keeping Heaven safe. And with him gone, there is a need for someone else to step in and take the mantle. The Exorcists need their commander."

"Sera I'm literally a teenager." Abel met her gaze, but he didn't look to be at all moved by her speech.

"You died as a teenager. But you have far more experience in the afterlife than even your father."

"Because I was murdered."

"Exactly!" Sera's eyes in her halo and hair opened and there was a fire inside them. "And now I am giving you the chance to make things right. You can stand up for yourself against the monster who put you here. You could lead an army that assures no one will have to suffer the way you did."

"I don't... understand how that world work. Hurting Sinners doesn't bring me back to life. It's not making any point at all. And I mean, would I really be the best to lead a fight against Hell when my one and only claim to fame is that I lost to a man who is down there? I mean... probably down there. I think Cain's still... well I don't want to say alive because that seems a bit misleading, but... around."

"Abel," Sera watched him carefully from across the desk. How could he be concerned about Cain? After everything that happened, Abel should be eager to avenge those who had ended up like himself. "There is a reason we preform the Exterminations. It's not just because your father had a deep-seated hatred for the man in charge. Adam was not acting out of a sense of petty revenge, but rather he was trying to protect everyone who was important to him." Even Cain. That murderer had been Adam's stipulation. They had to promise Cain would be unharmed.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Because you don't understand what's coming, what's at stake."

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's going to make much of a difference."

"Abel, this is your right, your chance to finish your father's work-"

"Mom said no."

"Wh... what?" Sera blinked. She looked at Abel who stared back wide eyed like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar.

"My mom once said no leading armies until I'm at least thirty."

"Your mother," Sera tried to hide the distaste in her voice, "isn't here." Eve, the one who took the first bite. Her foolish actions had caused all of this, and for that, she would never know Heaven. But it seemed Abel still had a soft spot for the woman. He was more like his mother than either of the other boys.

"Yeah, but you know what they say: Honor they father and thy mother. So, I feel like going against her very clear wishes would be in poor taste. Ya know?"

"Your mother never said that." All of Sera's eyes narrowed as she looked down at Abel sitting before her.

"She did, though."

"Abel, you are being given a gift." She reached under her desk. "Let me show you what made your dad see reason."

"I have to go. I'm going to be late for Seth's book club."

"You are acting so strangely..." Sera looked him over, he was getting to his feet, nearly falling out of the chair, had it not been for his wings he'd have face planted right on the ground. "Be not afraid, my child, I am just going to help you see reason. If you would just listen to what I'm-"

"Sera my answer's no."

"You are allowed to say no, however, you have to fully hear me out."

"I want to leave."

"I'm not keeping you here. I just want to finish our conversation." Sera shuffled through the old relics in her desk drawer.

"I feel a bit like I'm being kept."

"You're fine, Abel."

"ABEL!" There was a loud knock at Sera's door that drew all her attention. She snapped and the door cracked open. Seth poked his head through. "Heya little-big bro! I was looking for you everywhere! You just kind of vanished from our dinner while I was looking at all the desserts."

"Oh. You were with Seth." Sera was mildly surprised. She truly had assumed Abel was just trying to avoid her.

"I told you that." Instantly Abel was at Seth's side.

"Hey you can't just run off like that, we're going to be late for the book club." Seth put an arm around Abel's shoulders. "Myrna is going to be livid if we show up after they've started." He laughed looking at Sera. "You know how my wife is. If you're not early, you're late."

"I got abducted." Abel explained. Sera felt herself tense. She quickly cleared her throat, getting to her feet.

"He wasn't abducted. I just needed to meet with him."

"But like... you took him out of the middle of dinner. That's kind of intense Sera. It reads desperate." Seth was giving her a suspicious look.

"If both of you would give me a chance to explain-"

"I'm gonna stop you there." Seth pulled Abel through the door. "We are going to be late for our book club. And then we have some other family stuff planned. You know, we have to plan some memorial services for dad. We should get started on his unveiling. Abel hasn't had the opportunity to attend one before so we should really go over the prayers involved. And then he has to go with me to the dentist."

"Seth there is no dentist." Sera's expression went from surprised to annoyed. "I am only giving you both-"

"Myrna! Baby! We are heading right to you." Seth turned his head toward the hallway outside. "You won't believe it! Abel was here the whole time! Crazy right?" Sera squinted. She wasn't sure if Seth was bluffing or not. She didn't want this information to spread more than it already had. If Seth's wife was really lurking in the hallway, she would need to keep her mouth shut.

"Well let's hurry! Jonah already beat us there." The distinct sound of Myrna's voice carried into Sera's office. Seth really had brought her along. Well, that was... vexing. She would just have to approach them later. Perhaps she should refocus on Seth, as he seemed to be defending Abel. That was fine. Sera really didn't want Abel. That had been an act of desperation on her part. Seth was right. "I hope you read the book this time." She appeared beside Seth. "Oh, hi Sera."

"Greeting Myrna." Sera smiled politely. "Forgive my intrusion on your plans. I was just checking up on Abel."

"That's so kind of you." Myrna smiled, before turning to Abel. "Now since this is your first one, you don't need to feel obligated to contribute. I know the invite was a little last minute so if you haven't finished, that's fine."

"Oh, I finished it. I love a good murder mystery." Abel replied cheerfully as Seth started steering him back into the hallways.

"See? Abel finished the book." Myrna gave Seth an annoyed look.

"I ran out of time, okay?" Seth gave a dramatic shrug as they took their leave. "But no spoilers. I'm not sure who the killer is."

"It's literally a book club to discuss the book. There are going to be spoilers." Myrna's comment was the last Sera heard before they were out of sight. Sera took a seat back at her desk, putting her face in her hands. This was a disaster. The information about how Sera had failed to recruit Seth and Abel would be spread all throughout Heaven and Michael would have her wings for sure.

Failure wasn't an option.

Heaven needed to be protected.

But this was supposed to be a secret. Adam had ruined that. But Sera was supposed to be able to keep Adam in check. Her failure to do that would be what got her into trouble. He was now sitting below at Lucifer's side, Corrupted from some unknown source in Port Gatory. Adam couldn't even keep his hands to himself on the perilous road to Hell. How could Sera have trusted him to keep his mouth shut about any of Heaven's secrets? Everything was falling apart...

Incoming call.

Sera blinked. She looked at her tablet still on her desk. It was blinking. There was a bright message on the front of the screen.

Incoming call.

The phone to Hell was trying to make contact.

Sera hurried back to her room in the house. She placed her hand to the mirror still sitting in her room. She had yet to clean it; she would just need to wash her hands in holy water after the call was over. She straightened her back, taking a seat in the chair facing the phone as the glass illuminated with a deep red. At least Lucifer would succumb to Heaven's demands. One thing could still go right for her today.

"Sera, darling!" The boisterous voice of the Devil was about the last thing Sera expected to hear. But her surprise only intensified as the red light faded to reveal Lucifer, his horns and tail out, looking a little better than before. He had a giant jug of water behind him and a martini glass filled with water in his hand. "There you are!"

"Lucifer?" Sera almost had to rub her eyes to make sure she was seeing things correctly. He still did not look like his old self, but there was definitely more energy in his movements.

"HAHA! WE FUCKING GOT YOU, BITCH!" Adam popped up behind Lucifer, leaning over the Devil's shoulder from behind him and making a rather crude gesture in Sera's direction. "Problem solved! No fucking thanks to you!"

"What is the meaning of this?" Sera was completely taken aback. Lucifer held out his hand, pushing Adam out of view of the mirror.

"Apologies, Sera. You know he's got a big mouth." Lucifer took a sip from the glass and shuddered. "Oh, that is quite potent. But you know, holy water doesn't feel as good on the way down as it used to."

"Holy water!?" Sera looked closer, and sure enough she could see the shine of holy magic glistening in the glass and in the jug behind him. "How- why!?" Lucifer smirked, his tail flicking back and forth.

"Funny story, hilarious, even. Did you know Holy Water can help cure early-stage Corruption? Because I sure as fuck didn't!"

"Where would you have heard th-" Sera didn't get a chance to even finish her thought as Lucifer's eyes narrowed dangerously at her. He swallowed the rest of the water in the glass, visibly shivering as it went down.

"I'm thinking you knew, Sera. You and Raph knew but you didn't want to share that information with me because you wanted to fucking extort me. Is that one of the new virtues? Humility, Diligence, Temperance, Extortion, Patience, Chasity, and Kindness? I feel it's a little off-brand, I won't lie to you, even though you'll clearly lie to me. I just respect you far too much."

"Holy water is dangerous for you. It could hurt you." Sera tried to reason with him. "Especially anything strong enough to stand a chance against Corruption. You're powerful, Lucifer, but you're infernal." Lucifer met her gaze as he slowly grabbed the jug behind him, lifting it with his tail. He brought the top to his lips and started to drink from it deeply. Sera could see the droplets burning his lips as he drank. "Lucifer what are you-" She was cut off as Lucifer held up his middle finger at her, maintain eye contact and continuing to drink. Adam started cheering behind him like some overly enthusiastic frat boy, pumping his fists in the air with every gulp.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!"

"Whew!" Lucifer had ingested quite a bit of the jug. His lips were scalded, but in a moment, they slowly started to heal. The water was... somehow... working. "So, now that I have your attention: no Exterminations. Ever. Your Exorcists may be strong against Sinners, but I'm the fucking King."

"You don't understand. We had a deal-" Sera started to protest, but Lucifer wasn't hearing any of it.

"No deal. The deal got fucking broken when you dropped this asshole," Lucifer lifted Adam by the collar of his robes as if he were weightless, "on my doorstep and refused to help me deal with him."

"Hey." Adam gave him an annoyed look.

"Shh, I'm making a point to Heaven." Lucifer shooed him away, or at least attempted, but Adam didn't really move.

"Then maybe I won't send Exorcists." Sera stood. She had reached her breaking point. She had put up with enough of Lucifer's egotistical threats. He was not the one holding the cards in this conversation. "Maybe we will break our end of the deal. We'll send the Seraphim, hundreds of them." Seraphim, especially those trained by Michael, were far more deadly than Exorcists who were only slightly higher ranking than a typical angel. If the Sinners thought the Exorcists were unkillable, then they would know true fear when the real warriors descended upon them like a well-trained swarm. That seemed to get Lucifer to falter. Sera could see him looking her over, trying to call her bluff. She had to push further. She had to bring the one thing the Devil feared. "Or maybe we will send the Archangels themselves. You are strong, your majesty, but even with you there it would be a slaughter."

"I... I see." Lucifer had started to back down, his bravado and confidence visibly shaken by Sera's threat.

"So then, we'll discuss the new terms of the contract civilly, and with no more of this showboating." Sera took a deep breath. Crisis avoided. The devil had tried to best her, but once again, she had stood her ground. Good would prevail.

"The Archangels aren't in Heaven." There was a quiet voice from Lucifer's side. And then there was a dead silence. The Devil slowly turned his head. At the same time Sera could feel all her eyes opening, fire consuming her halo as the realization of what she had just witnessed, hit her like a brick.

"What!?" Lucifer and Sera spoke in unison. Adam took one look at Sera and started to back away, hiding behind Lucifer. His wings drooped; he knew he had betrayed his own people in every last way he could.

"ADAM!" Sera's voice was booming. "You dare speak such words! You would endanger your own children for your selfish desire to protect your damned soul!? Has the Corruption destroyed you that much!?"

"They're not THERE!?" Lucifer straightened his back, his wings flared out, protecting Adam from view. "OH HO HO!" His mouth twisted into a sickening grin. "Now THAT is some fucking interesting information, huh, bitch."

"Here or not, their orders still stand-" Sera's voice was like ice; if looks could Kill Adam would be dead for the third time on Lucifer's dingy, little floor. She was so angry she was trembling.

"Nope. New rules. No Extermination until Michael comes here and fucking tells me to my face that he's back in town." Lucifer stood firm. "And I swear to you if I see so much as a feather from one of your Exorcists in my territory, I will rip them limb from fucking limb." Flames were flickering from the Devil's mouth; his eyes were blazing an unholy crimson as his gloved nails raked against the glass.

"Michael will hear of this." Sera didn't flinch. She was addressing Adam just as much as Lucifer, but the First Man was cowering behind his monstrous master. Traitor. Who knew Adam was so weak willed he would sell out his own family, his home, to try and save his own Corrupted skin.

But it was far too late for Adam.

"Good." Lucifer's voice was barely more than a hiss. "You were supposed to tell him to go fuck himself for me anyway. You can add all this as an addendum." He picked up the jug again. "Eat shit." And with that he started to chugging as he ended the call, leaving Sera sitting alone in her room, shaking from the intensity of her own feelings. She could feel her eyes welling up with water.

How could things have gotten so out of hand?

She sat in silence, staring at the mirror. She needed to clean it now more than ever. After that conversation with Lucifer, she felt as if her whole room had become tainted. She materialized buckets and buckets of water, muttering her blessing and waving her hand so that rags started to scrub every surface of her room.

She kept cleaning until she could breathe again.

Things had spiraled so quickly. Sera needed to try and grasp at any semblance of control that she still had.

She took a moment, breathing in.

Holding her breath.

Breathing out.

Over and over again until the pounding in her chest started to ease. If she was going to fix the problems at hand, she would need a clear head. She had been chosen to carry out the archangels' wishes for a reason.

Ring.

Sera frowned.

Ring.

She turned her head to see her work phone tucked away behind some papers on her desk. That line was older, more out-of-date than her cellphone, but some of the higher-ranking angels preferred using it as they felt the line was more secure. It was a more traditional line of thinking, even by Sera's standards. But she kept one line in her office and one line in her room, in case of emergencies.

Ring.

"Hello?" Sera walked over to the white and gold phone, picking up the old-fashioned receiver, holding it against her head.

"Sera! Hey! It's Rochele!" The voice on the other end was surprising to say the least. Despite both working (at least partially, in Rochele's case) under Gabriel, Sera had little to do with the Angel of Souls. Rochele had a very unique and specific purpose. She helped bring life to the humans on Earth. It was a beautiful, wonderful job and she performed it well enough. (Though Rochele was a little... spacy for Sera's taste. Her sense of wonder could make her careless.)

"Rochele, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Sorry to bother you, I know you're busy. I am too, trust me. But... I saw Adam today. The First man."

"You... what?" Sera's blood turned to ice inside her. The Holy water... Lucifer had tricked Rochele into doing his bidding. That was how he had gotten a hold of it, that explained why it was so potent.

"Sera, I was told by Abel that Adam was no longer with us. But I saw him. He Fell. He's not destroyed."

"Rochele, Adam is Corrupted. He is as good as gone. You and I both know there is no freeing yourself from the late stages of that wretched magic. And even if he did, he is in Hell. He might as well be gone forever."

"But he isn't."

"He will be soon enough. When the Corruption takes him, he will be slain or he will suffer a far worse fate."

"But his children should still be told the truth-"

"With all due respect, Rochele, it is not your place to critique me on how I choose to protect the Winners under my charge." Sera's voice got a little snippy. It was not her intention, but she had been having quite the day, and Rochele's phone call was just another disaster piled onto her already overflowing plate. "I am the head Seraphim in Heaven, and I will do my duties whether you approve or not."

"With all due respect," Rochele parroted the words back, "you do not outrank me, Sera, and I do not appreciate you talking to me that way." Sera took a deep breath. The last thing she needed was Rochele breathing down her neck while she tried to smooth over the disaster unfolding in Heaven.

"This is not the sort of conversation we should have over the phone. We'll set up a meeting and discuss this face to face."

"I think you should tell-"

Click.

Sera hung up the phone. She felt terrible doing it. She knew it was rude. But Rochele was not as much in the inner circle as she believed. She was so rarely in Heaven that it was more of a waste to loop her in. Plus, she was a bleeding heart. She struggled to navigate scenarios that were not simply black and white. And when souls were involved, Rochele could not be convinced to do what needed to be done. That was one of the many reasons Sera had gotten her position over the other Seraphim.

Sera closed her eyes.

She would be hearing about this when she and Rochele did meet face-to-face. Luckily, Rochele was so busy, the likely scenario was that Sera wouldn't need to worry about this confrontation for several more months.

Ring.

Or not.

Ring.

Sera picked up the phone, already annoyed. Apparently, Rochele was too dense to take a hint. "I told you we would talk later."

"Excuse me?" The voice on the other line was definitely not Rochele. Sera's breath caught in her throat and she felt a wave of cold wash over her as the man's voice registered and her mouth went completely dry.

"Michael! I am so sorry!" Sera stammered quickly. As an angel, she wasn't a fan of profanity. However, at that moment, a single word resonated in her head: Fuck. "I thought you were someone else."

"Sera," Michael's voice was stern. "I have some... concerns." The word made Sera shiver. "It seems to me you are struggling in your current position."

"No, no, no, I assure you, I am doing quite well!" Sera's hand tightened on the receiver in an attempt to stop it from shaking. "Everything is completely under control."

"Is it?"

"Yes. Of course. I am taking care of everything." Sera's voice struggled not to tremble as she spoke.

"So then, you won't mind if I come by and check for myself?"

"I feel that is quite unnecessary, sir." Sera's entire body stiffened. "I know you and the others are busy with important work. I would hate for you to go through all the trouble-"

"It's no trouble at all. Raphael and Uriel wanted to head back soon for supplies. Why not make it a big trip? Bring everyone. I know Gabriel would love to see the fruits of all your hard work."

"You're all coming?"

"Is that a problem?"

"No! Of course not!" It very much was. Sera had completely lost control of the situation and Michael was going to be royally pissed. "It will be great to see you again!"

"Wonderful! We are already on our way. We'll see you real soon, Sera." And with that, the line went dead. Sera stumbled back sitting on her bed her wings folder around herself. All her eyes were open, looking wildly around as she covered her face with her hands.

This was bad.

Terrible.

Something had to be done, and quickly before the Archangels returned. They couldn't know of Sera's failings.

She stood grabbing her cell phone and quickly dialing. (The good thing about Heaven is that the phones knew who you wanted to call, so mis-dialing was a thing of the past.) "Lute " She didn't even wait for the polite greetings.

"Well hello to you too, bitch." Lute sounded annoyed.

"Change of plan." Sera's voice was no longer shaking, but determined. "Talk to our friend, something needs to be done about Lucifer. Now." Holy water or not, he wasn't back to full power yet.

Now was the time to strike.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 19: Party in Port Gatory

"Wow!" Adam looked to be in awe, it was nice to be able to get a better read on his expressions now that his face was back to what it looked like when he was alive. He looked... genuinely happier than Lucifer remembered. He resembled the Adam back in Eden, full of wonder and hope. But of course, he just had to keep talking, shattering any sense of empathy the Devil might be feeling. "This place is almost big enough to house your whole fucking ego."

"You seem to be in a good mood. Though, you've been through here before. I'm not sure why you're all that impressed."

"If you mean the Exterminations, I told you, I didn't go over the city. Which is a damn fucking shame because my girls would have loved this place!"

"Don't Exterminate in Purgatory, dumbass. These souls aren't processed yet." Lucifer made a face. It was still weird to hear Adam refer to his Exorcists as his girls. That sounded less like a military general and more like an excited dad taking his angsty teenagers to the mall. Then again, how much military training did Adam have? Over all, if he thought about it for any extended period of time, Adam wasn't actually a great choice for the Head Exorcist. Wouldn't Solomon or Joan have been far better options? People with actual leadership experience? There weren't enough people alive when Adam was on Earth to count as a battalion, nevertheless, an army.

"I meant the stores." Adam gave him an annoyed look. "I don't remember going through here when I died, but I kind of wish I did. Oh, shit a brochure." He was distracted from his own rant as they passed a stand with folded brochures boasting about the exciting Port Gatory and all its wonderful sights (It really had exploded in size over the last several hundred years. It made sense as to why, to account for the increase in human population, but still, there was so much more to do here in Purgatory now than there was the last time Lucifer had visited. He really should bring Charlie back by. Maybe she could bring Vaggie! It would be a nice family trip.) Adam unfolded his little pamphlet, looking at it with genuine interest. "Oh fuck! They have an ice-cream place! Can we go there?"

"We're not here for fun." Lucifer reminded him. (Though the ice cream place was legitimately very good.) "We're going to the Archive, and that's it."

"But they have a snow globe stand. I could get Cain a present... have you ever taken him here?"

"Why would I take Cain to Purgatory? I only came here with my family."

"I mean, Charlie calls him uncle Cain. So, I'm getting mixed signals here about how close you were to him." Adam narrowed his mismatched eyes, clearly displeased by the response. Lucifer cleared his throat.

"He was a good family friend, but like, Lilith wouldn't exactly want him tagging along on an entire vacation. We got so few of them and she really just wanted to spend time together."

"Right." Adam seemed unimpressed by his answer.

"You know what? You win." Lucifer gave a sigh, he didn't really want to discuss his family at the moment so if this concession got Adam off his back, it would be worth it. "We can stop at one place after the Archive. But we have to go there first."

"I'll forfeit the ice-cream then, to get Cain a present." Adam seemed willing to drop the topic. Not too surprising. Lucifer and Adam shared the same ex-wife. It was probably an equally sore spot for them both. "I mean he is already getting part of the golden cookware, but I have missed a lot of birthdays and death days since he and I got separated with me going to Heaven and him getting stuck with you for all eternity. So, I have to make up for lost time." Usually, things bought in Purgatory were destroyed when they reached one's final destination. But traveling with Lucifer himself, would allow Adam to keep his little souvenir. Or at least, it should. (Lucifer wasn't sure how his weakening powers would affect all that.)

"How very noble of you."

"So where is Uri's library or whatever?" Adam ignored Lucifer's comment, looking at the map that the brochure had helpfully enclosed. "I don't see it listed here."

"Uri?" Lucifer snorted. "Damn, I had no idea you were on a nickname basis with the big dogs. Look at you moving up in the heavenly hierarchy. Also, it's unlisted. It's not for regular souls. It's really for... well... I'm not really sure why they have an Archive all the way out here- by the way it's an Archive, not a library."

"I feel like those are the same thing." Adam squinted at him.

"They're definitely not, you're just uneducated. It's not your fault though, if you think about it. It's ours for not setting up some kind of school system."

"What could you possibly have to teach me? I'm the one who named all life on Earth." Adam puffed his chest out, looking quite pleased with himself.

"The difference between an Archive and a Library, for starters." Lucifer smirked as Adam gave him an annoyed look. "Oh, don't give me that. It's a subtle difference. And in your defense, an archive isn't life, so it's not like you forgot something you named. Now, that would be embarrassing."

"I like your costumes!" They were interrupted by a compliment from a human soul passing by, who gave the Devil and his maid a friendly wave.

"Thanks!" Lucifer returned the compliment with a smile and cheerful wave of his own as they passed. Adam looked behind them at the soul who was examining a brochure like the one Adam had picked up.

"That is gonna be really weird if he ends up in Hell." Adam kept his voice low, thankfully. "Also, why did he think I was in a costume? I look normal. I mean you still look weird as fuck, but that's not on me. Maybe I'm just being lumped in because we're standing together."

"Your robes aren't exactly high fashion in any culture." Lucifer replied flatly. "And like I said, I'm not weird looking, I'm beautiful. It's kind of a well-known fact. You should read literally any book about me." Lucifer glanced back at the soul in question who was reading over his brochure A smile crossed the Devil's lips as he examined the man more closely. "And it wouldn't matter anyway. He's going to Heaven. Not that he would remember this interaction if he did go to Hell, but you get the point."

"You can tell?" For once, it sounded like a genuine question, which coming from Adam, was a rarity.

"Yeah, I can see what's inside a soul. It's an Archangel thing." Lucifer couldn't help but be a little smug in his explanation as he never missed an opportunity to brag. "I don't use it all the time because it would really suck in Hell. I would just see every bad fucking thing the Sinners did, every contract they made, all that bullshit. But in Purgatory it's a lot less depressing." He was still looking at the man destined for Heaven, his soul was like a little light, glowing in his chest, surrounding him in a warm radiance. The Sinner souls looked darker, heavier. There were certainly more of them around, but they were mostly unbound at this point, so there was less visual clutter. And then he looked back at Adam and he felt his blood run cold. He forgot how fucking subtle Corruption could look in a human soul. His soul radiated the hot, red aura more akin to a Fallen angel than a Sinner. It surrounded his body in firelight. But if Lucifer squinted and focused, he could see something moving, writhing under the surface of the soul trying to tear its way out from beneath the façade.

"Take a picture; I'll even sign it for you." Adam remarked dryly.

"Huh?" Lucifer blinked and reverted his vision back to normal. Seeing all the souls around him wasn't necessary at the moment.

"I mean, you were staring at me, and I get that. I'm hot fucking shit." Adam gestured to himself. "So, if you want a photo, I'll sign it for you. For only a nominal fee."

"You know?" Lucifer started to walk again, trying to clear his head. "You are fucking shit; I can give you that much."

"Don't be pissy just because I'm amazing." Adam didn't ask why Lucifer had been staring, and instead chose to feed his own ego. Which was fine. Lucifer didn't really feel like giving him an explanation.

"Let's just get this over with." Lucifer quickened his pace. Seeing Adam's soul had refocused him on their mission. "If you see anything familiar, say something."

"I keep telling you," Adam hurried after him, keeping a steady pace, "I never flew out this way. Wish I had though; we definitely wild have stopped for some fucking ice cream. It's a long ass trip."

"We'll have to come back when I'm better and you can show me the exact route you took." Lucifer replied flatly. It seemed bringing Adam in hopes of triggering his memory had been a fucking waste of time. (Though, Lucifer would never admit it, it might be for the best that he had someone around who knew the situation... just in case. Of course, Lucifer wouldn't ever need Adam's help, it paid to be prepared.)

"Y... yeah." Adam's response sounded far less confident than Lucifer wanted. He turned his head to look at the Fallen, only to see Adam looking up at the sky. It was another perfect, sunny day in Purgatory. (No surprise, there was rarely anything but sunshine in the city. Nightfall only occurred outside of city limits and was considered an incredibly dangerous time as the night was favored by the creatures that lurked in the wilds.)

"Is something wrong?"

"No." Adam was too quick to respond.

"You just seem-"

"I'm fine."

"Right, fuck it." Lucifer didn't have the time or patience to pry. Not today. So long as Adam didn't start growling, he'd be fine letting him brood. He navigated the busy streets until he was able to find the red bricked building that housed the Archives. It was a place to share knowledge, allegedly, though Lucifer doubted there were many up-to-date texts. There was an emblem of a scroll carved in gold in the wall beside the beautiful, stained-glass doorway. "We're here. Try not to mess up anything. We don't need to piss off Heaven any more than they already are." (Though, if they made them mad enough, there was a chance Lucifer could get yelled at in person, then he could harass whichever Archangel was giving the lecture until he got direct contact with Raphael.)

"Yeah, okay." Adam looked around curiously as they stepped through the massive double doors. "I've seen something like this before, Upstairs." He looked above him at the beautifully painted ceilings, depicting all Uriel's favorite technology that had been and would be invented. Lucifer tried not to roll his eyes as he started to look around at the massive, looming pathways of books and scrolls lined around labyrinthine walls. God Uriel was so fucking extra. (And they kicked him out for pride. Double standard much?)

"That's Heaven's Archive. It's got all of the research Uriel has gathered from Michael and his merry band of bitches." Lucifer went back to the ancient scrolls he had sorted through before. He had been in a rush last time, perhaps, he didn't get everything. "It's way more extensive than this place. Though, Hell's research also ends up here. So, this isn't just from Up Top." While this was true, Hell's contributions had been lacking over the years. Lucifer didn't find it necessary to keep Heaven up-to-date on every Hellborn discovery. Why give them any upper hand? They probably used the old research Lucifer had submitted to feed to Adam so he would be better prepared to fight against Hell's natural defenses.

"Apologies! This area is off limits!" There was a voice behind the two visitors and Lucifer turned quickly to see one of the automated employees. (He could tell she was automated simply because she didn't feel... alive.) "Allow me to escort you outside. If you need further assistance, please feel free to ask! And enjoy your stay at Port Gatory!"

"I'm Lucifer Morningstar. I have access here." Last time Lucifer had visited, Jazeerael had taken care of everything so he hadn't actually interacted with the Archivist. (Really? Was Uriel so fucking pressed for help she couldn't staff an actual angel at the desk? The automated employees could be such a fucking pain.) The Archivist was staring blankly at him, looking toward Adam, and then back to him. Lucifer sighed. "He's with me."

"Humans are not supposed to be in the Archive."

"Since when?" Lucifer hadn't really dragged Lilith out this way, but he had just assumed she'd be let in. And Adam was no different from Lilith. (Well, Adam was actually a lot different than Lilith. But not in any way that mattered currently.)

"Some of these texts can be harmful to humans. It is a matter of safety."

"He won't touch anything. He can't even read." Right. Lucifer hadn't considered that there might be some writing in the language of the angels. Adam, being Fallen, wouldn't be able to even look at it.

"I can read, fuck you." Adam glared at him.

"Please do not fornicate in our Archive. If you wish to have relations, I can guide you to the hotel."

"Oh! Fuck. No. No, no, no, no, no. It's an expression." Lucifer almost choked at the Archivist's response. Damn, even angels weren't this fucking out-of-touch.

"I am expressing the rules that say you cannot engage in intimate acts in the Archive."

"That's not what I- ugh. Forget it." Lucifer had half a mind to just go get Jazeerael because at least he was real and would understand slang. "I'm looking for texts written by Raphael. Anything about the Old Ones and Corruption."

"One moment please." The Archivist wandered away quickly, leaving Adam and Lucifer wondering if she had just completely abandoned them both.

"So..." Adam glanced down at Lucifer, "is she coming back? Or like... are we on our own."

"The Purgatory staff are not Heaven's greatest creations. If I was Death and I had to deal with them all the fucking time, I would be pissed." Lucifer met Adam's gaze. "You'd think she would get better shit since she's one of them." Azreal, the Angel of Death, had always been more empathetic toward Lucifer. She understood what it was like to have a terrible fucking job.

"This... is the good shit. I don't know what to tell you." Adam's reply surprised him. "Cause- well... never mind, it's nothing." The First Man avoided eye contact, looking anywhere but at the Devil.

"Do you know something?" Lucifer wasn't sure if he could push, or even if he should because he didn't particularly want to stress Adam out too much when they were in a building owned by Heaven.

"Nah, not really I was just thinking." Adam wasn't going to elaborate, and that was fine for now. Lucifer could interrogate him later when this whole issue was resolved.

"That must be very difficult for you."

"Hey, fuck off."

"Lucifer Morningstar!" The Archivist reappeared out of a completely different aisle than the one she had walked down initially. She was somehow behind him. "My apologies but you are: four months overdue on your current scrolls." Her speech was more stilted than some of the other employees in Purgatory. Lucifer assumed it was because she wasn't meant to interact with human souls.

"Yeah, still using them. But what else do you have?" Lucifer had almost forgotten he had been given a return date on those. It wasn't like anyone else would need them.

"You cannot check out any additional material until you return your current scrolls. Thank you, and have a nice day."

"Fucking right." It was a waste of energy to talk to her. She wasn't capable of understanding the severity of the current situation. That was fine. He had other options. He could look himself. Between him and Adam, it would only take a few days to sort through everything, though Adam might burn himself on some of the more holy texts, given he wasn't as powerful as Lucifer. There was also the ability to just ask someone else. As much as it would be frustrating, Lucifer knew what he had to do. "Can you tell me where Jazeerael is?" Angels were, legitimately, the worst. But that being said, they could be reasoned with (or manipulated) whereas the automated staff were steadfast in their ways.

"Jazeerael is at the Ferry."

"Huh, I thought they got booted off of working on those." Lucifer was told on his last visit that the boats were automated. And he had just seen the Hell Liner without Jezebel. Still, the AIs had the best idea of where anyone was in the city. It was better just to listen, than to wander aimlessly in search of a singular soul. "Well, come on Adam, let's go and find him."

"Find who now? What about the books or whatever the fuck we were supposed to be getting?" Adam wasn't following Lucifer's lead. The Devil looked annoyed. He grabbed Adam by the arm, starting to pull him toward the exit. Fortunately, he knew where the Ferry was located. It wasn't too far from where the Hell Liner had pulled in. Meaning that they were making a giant fucking circle.

"We're still getting the scrolls; we just need to talk to someone else first. You might know him, he's an Angel."

"I don't know every angel, fun fact." Adam looked unamused by Lucifer's suggestion. "I don't even know every Winner."

"That is truly shocking because I assume it isn't very busy in Heaven." Lucifer mused. All that space for a small population, meanwhile his own Sinners were cramped on top of each other. "Then again, he spends most of his time here in Purgatory, so you literally routed your path to Hell to avoid him. You know they didn't know about the Exterminations here?" Lucifer watched Adam's expression, trying to gauge his reaction.

"I mean it was kind of a confidential thing, asshole. We can't just let every cherub know about that shit." Adam looked visibly uncomfortable.

"Well, he knows now." Lucifer had a feeling that Jazeerael wouldn't be too thrilled to see them, but in the Angel's defense, he had always treated the Devil with respect, which was more than his current company. They approached the boat to see Jezebel sitting on a plush lawn chair with a fruity drink in her hand, wearing sunglasses with her captain's uniform as she was staring at the Heaven Ferry. Lucifer hadn't expected her to be around as well. He walked past her toward the ferry boat. It was not nearly as large or lavish as Hell's cruise ship, but it was nice, quaint, pleasant. It gave off a peaceful, small-town sort of aura. There was a line of people waiting patiently off to the side, laughing and chatting amongst themselves.

"Yo, bro you can't go on the boat right now it's- oh hey boss!" Jezebel called out to him, but immediately changed her tune when he turned around. "You... uh... trying to get Upstairs? I feel like this is a roundabout way to get there."

"No." Lucifer turned back toward the ferry. He didn't see Jazeerael quite yet, but he assumed the Ferry had just come in from the way he could see the automated staff bustling about on the deck.

"Who's your plus one?" Jezebel was eyeing Adam as she took another sip of her drink. "New wife? Does Queenie know? You can buy my silence if she doesn't."

"Oh fuck no." Lucifer shut that shit down fast. "Housekeeping, maid, but really he's more like an unbroken house pet."

"Wow, fuck off douchebag." Adam turned toward Jezebel who was in her human form. "Ignore him, gorgeous. I'm Adam, First Man, original dick." He gestured toward himself. "You... busy later? Maybe I can buy you another drink?" He winked playfully. Jezebel, fanned herself.

"You know, I'm actually off work right now..." She walked toward him, her steps purposeful and slow as she put a hand on Adam's chest. Lucifer rolled his eyes, holding out his arm and pushing Adam back.

"She'll rob you blind."

"Aw, boss." Jezebel put her hand onto her hip, shifting her weight to one leg as she gave a little pout. "I was gonna kill him. This is the asshole who murdered our people." Adam took a visible step back, standing behind Lucifer.

"Why are the hot ones always fucking crazy?"

"I don't have time for this." Lucifer rubbed his forehead. He took a deep breath, looking at Jezebel. "Where's your coworker? I was told he was on the boat."

"Oh, he is." She abruptly seemed to lose interest in Adam the moment Lucifer had called her out. She returned to her chair, laying back and continuing to enjoy her drink. "He's doing routine maintenance or whatever. I dunno, I wasn't listening when he talked."

"That sounds important." Lucifer looked back at his own boat captain. "Shouldn't you be doing something similar on our ship?" The Hell Liner made way more trips than the Heaven Ferry. The wear and tear had to be considerably worse.

"Meh. I looked it over. It looked fine." She gave a shrug, picking up a book from the little table beside her chair and opening it. Lucifer highly doubted she had done any such thing. But he had more pressing matters, he spotted Jazeerael stepping off the Ferry onto the dock. He was in his human form as well, carrying a tablet in one hand that had his full attention. He was engrossed in the screen to the point that he walked straight past Lucifer and Adam, going to the waiting passengers.

"Thank you so much for your patience!" Jazeerael addressed the line. "The Ferry is ready to be boarded! Please have your tickets ready, and I do hope you all enjoy your ride." There was clapping and a small chorus of thank yous as the automated staff took charge and began to load the boat and Jazeerael began to walk away. Before Lucifer could even speak up to stop him, Jezebel took it upon herself.

"Hey nerd! Get your ass over here!"

"Jez, please." Jazeerael sighed, lowering the tablet before seeing Lucifer and Adam and quickly taking a step back. "I-is something the matter, sir?"

"Jazeerael, good to see you, buddy. Can we talk? In private?" Lucifer glanced at the happy faces around him. The angel cleared his throat, clearly thrown off by the Devil's arrival. But as Lucifer predicted, he was too polite to decline.

"Ah, yes sir. Of course, sir. We can go to my office or-"

"Let's chat in the Archive." Lucifer gestured for Jazeerael to follow him as he turned back toward the city. "It's quieter, and it will save soooo much time."

"I don't suppose this is about you returning those very overdue scrolls, is it?" Jazeerael didn't protest, but he also didn't sound thrilled with the idea.

"I need an extension on that." Lucifer dismissed the thought. He had read them all, however, he didn't want to bring them back in case Heaven decided to revoke them from the Archive he could access. It seemed a bit underhanded for Heaven, however, Heaven hadn't been playing very fair, as of late.

"Right. And why did you bring a human soul with you?" Jazeerael lifted the tablet and held it up in front of Adam. "Oh." He almost stopped walking looking at the screen. Jezebel, who had decided to follow them, started moving him with her hands, pushing him along behind. "This is Adam."

"Damn right, gorgeous." Adam gave Jazeerael a wink. "Man, myth, legend-"

"Fallen." Jazeerael didn't let him finish. "You woke him up, I see." He finally looked at Lucifer, shrugging away Jezebel's hands and walking on his own.

"Yeah, things are... complicated right now. Trust me, I wouldn't be here if this wasn't incredibly important." Lucifer kept his tone calm, but serious. Sera has ignored his concerns, but Jazeerael was an outsider, at least as far as Heaven was concerned. He didn't know about the Exterminations, Lucifer doubted Sera had forbidden him from assisting. Honestly, Lucifer wouldn't be surprised if Sera fucking forgot Jazeerael existed, since he spent all his time in Purgatory. Plus, Sera was Gabriel's head Seraphim and Jazeerael worked for Uriel- at least, distantly. (He was far too low ranking of an Angel to report to her directly.)

"I was hoping you were here about my reports." Jazeerael gave an annoyed little sigh.

"I'm not your boss." Lucifer reminded him. "And Jezebel's reports have all been just fine." At least he assumed they were. He hadn't read them. But surely if they weren't she would have said something to him.

"I stopped doing them like a hundred years ago." Jezebel gave Lucifer a thumbs up. "So, I dunno what you're reading, but it's not from me "

"Look," Lucifer made a gesture for her to shut up. "The point is, even if something is wrong in your report, I can't help you. That's out of my jurisdiction." That much was true. In fact, he believed Jazeerael when he said no one was interested in listening. Heaven had been pretty fucking bad about that these last few months. They reached the Archive and Jazeerael politely opened the door for everyone else before walking in himself.

"I suppose you have a point. But then, what do you want with me? I'm not your employee."

"No, but your Uriel's." Lucifer gestured around him. "I need every single book, scroll, or article about Corruption, the Old Ones, anything like that. Especially anything that Raph wrote." Jazeerael didn't move. He was staring at him. Lucifer clapped his hands together. "Well, get to it."

"What is going on?" Jazeerael stood firm. "The last set of scrolls you took were on the same topic." Of course, despite his low rank, Jazeerael was old. He would have remembered a time from before Adam when Heaven had something other than Hell to fight against. Lucifer took a deep breath, and in one fluid motion his clawed finger swiped across Adam's cheek, cutting a thin line across it, just enough to draw blood.

"Ow! Son of a bitch!" Adam brought his hand up, but Lucifer caught his arm, bringing it back down.

"Don't touch it."

"You fucking cut me you little prick!" Adam was mad, not that Lucifer could blame him. Jezebel's clapping probably didn't help.

"To prove a point just hold still." Lucifer held tightly to both Adam's arms to make sure he wouldn't wipe off the blood.

"I'm a little confused..." Jazeerael was watching the exchange, holding his tablet to his chest.

"This got surprisingly kinky." Jezebel put an arm on Jazeerael's shoulder, using him like an arm rest.

"Just... wait." Lucifer grabbed Adam's chin in his hand, turning his cheek toward the two boat captains. It took a little longer than Lucifer expected (which might be a good thing, a sign Adam was recovering) but sure enough, the golden blood dripping down his cheek became more viscous and turned a deep, jet black. Jazeerael dropped his tablet as he jumped back, clasping his hands together and muttering a prayer.

"Why would you bring him into the City like this!? We work very hard to keep Port Gatory safe for the souls passing through!" The angel was on edge, perhaps Lucifer had pushed a little too hard with his evidence. Jezebel had both hands over her mouth, she was stepping back as well.

"Oh fuck. He got the thingy-thing."

"Corruption." Jazeerael hadn't taken his eyes off of Adam. "He's sick. Why would you bring him here! That can spread!"

"Only if he bites you, pukes on your face, or you decide to lick his blood. Don't be so dramatic." Lucifer waved off the obvious concern. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and used it to wipe the blackened blood from Adam's cheek. "And he'll do none of the above because he's with me." He tucked the cloth back in his coat pocket. He would burn it once his powers were restored. "So now you see why I need the texts?"

"Y-yes..." Jazeerael still seemed remarkably unsure, refusing to move any closer to Adam. "How did he get it? Something like this... it needs to go to the Archangels. I-I need to call Uriel-"

"We already reported everything." For once, Lucifer was being truthful. "And we were told, basically, that it was Hell's problem so we had to figure it out. And that would be a lot easier with every bit of information you can help me find."

"Of course. I didn't realize..." Jazeerael hurried away into the archives. It was only a matter of a few minutes before he returned with several scrolls under his arm. "Here." He held them out and Lucifer took them. He wandered to a nearby table, sitting down, and starting to go through what he had.

"Adam, sit and don't touch anything." Lucifer tapped the table in front of the chair beside him, not looking up from his reading.

"Can I help at all?" Adam took a seat without much protest. "I can read some of this."

"You really can't. Your eyes might burn." Lucifer didn't necessarily need to read the Celestial text, as Uriel had written translations down beside it. But he could if need be. He may be a Fallen Angel, but he was far more resistant to Holy magic than a Fallen Human. "Plus," he finished reading one scroll and was on to the next, "I'm much faster."

"This is bullshit." Adam put his hands on the table and rested his chin on top of them.

"That's what you get for wandering off the path in Purgatory and getting yourself Corrupted." Lucifer didn't bother looking up. Adam would live through a little boredom.

"Are you sure he got it here?" Jazeerael spoke up hesitantly. Lucifer glanced up at him for a moment before returning to his reading. "I mean... I know you can get it from... certain areas, it's just... Heaven should have caught it. There's a screening process I had to go through."

"Where the fuck else could he have picked it up?" Lucifer finished yet another scroll, but no important information was gained.

"The... human world?" Jazeerael sounded unconvinced of his own suggestion.

"I haven't been to the living world since I was, you know, alive." Adam shot down that option before Lucifer even had the chance. "Even in Heaven, they don't let you go back unless you sign up for that whole Guardian Angel program, and even then, you're basically just floating around unable to interact with anything. I mean, I don't know how it works exactly. I never signed up. By the time they offered the program all my immediate family was long dead."

"It's a good program, I know an Angel who works on it." Jazeerael spoke up. Lucifer glanced up again and Jazeerael cleared his throat. "But I digress..."

"Do you have anything more recent than this?" Lucifer took the natural lull in the conversation as an opportunity to speak up. He had finished the texts Jazeerael had located, and was no better for it. (Archangels were remarkably fast readers, after all.)

"Afraid not. This Archive is due for an update, but Uriel hasn't scheduled one yet. It's not exactly... high priority since really only like... nine people use it." Jazeerael gave a shrug. "Anything more recent will be in her Archive up in Heaven. I'm not sure how much they have about Corruption in that one, but I know all the high ups have contributed to it. It's kept up to date for sure." Right. Uriel's little passion project. Lucifer remembered approving it for her back when he was in charge. However, he had always operated under the assumption that the point of the fucking thing was to share information. Not just between the highest officials in Heaven, but with anyone who would need it.

"Do you have access to that Archive?" Lucifer put the last scroll on top of the pile, making eye contact with the Angel standing across the table.

"Y... yes?" Jazeerael looked a bit thrown off by the comment. "I mean, I don't go often because of work, but I still enjoy studying in my free time and I've read almost everything in here." Lucifer took a deep breath, he put both hands on the table, palms flat.

"Jazeerael," he looked the angel dead in the eyes, "I need you to do something for me."

"N-no." Jazeerael took a step back. "I mean, no sir. I can't-"

"Hear me out." Lucifer cut him off. "All I need is for you to go to the Archive in Heaven, and look for anything Raphael has written about Corruption. You don't even have to bring me the original text. You can just put it in the copier."

"We don't have a copier anymore, that's really outdated. I can just scan things onto my phone." Jazeerael's response was quiet, but Lucifer smiled.

"So... you'll do it?"

"No. I never said that. I was just explaining that your idea was just a bit... behind the times. No offense." Jazeerael faltered for a moment.

"Look," Lucifer leaned forward, "it's nothing illegal. It's literally just taking pictures of a text that would really help out poor Adam here." He put an arm around Adam's shoulders, squeezing him tightly. Adam gave him a weird look, but Lucifer shot him a: be quiet or I'll kill you sort of smile. "Look at him, a human soul, destined for Heaven, Fallen to Hell and Corrupted. He's suffering. And isn't that something angels hate? Human suffering?"

"I'm not so sure..." Jazeerael was getting visibly flustered. "It's true, we do hate human suffering, but-"

"But what? Is there some law in Heaven that says these scrolls are off limits to you?" Lucifer spoke up.

"Well... no."

"And is there any rule that says you can't make copies of Uriel's texts to study for later?"

"Not that I know of-"

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem," Jazeerael emphasized the word, "is that if this was so clear-cut, you would just ask Heaven to make copies for you." The Devil fell quiet for a moment. Okay, so the angel had a point. There was no fucking way, after the call they had just had, that Sera would be super open and excited to share books in Heaven with him. However, as far as Lucifer was concerned, those books were none of her concern. Jazeerael was more closely connected to Uriel than Sera.

"Okay, so... Sera and I did not hang up on the best of terms. Some things were said, mostly by her, that could be considered... rude. So, I'm not sure she's feeling super forgiving and generous right this very second. Like I said, we were sort of told to just... suffer with it? And I know I'm the Devil but come on, Jazeerael, if people in Hell are suffering it should be because of me- not because Adam decided to bite a bunch of people. You said yourself how quickly this can spread. Do you want to deal with a bunch of Corrupted Sinners trying to claw their way out of Hell into Purgatory, or worse- Heaven? You know what this shit can do, Jazeerael, do you feel safe taking the risk and just walking away?"

"Has he bitten anyone?" Jazeerael was looking directly at Adam. Lucifer laughed.

"No, not yet. But you know how these sorts of things can spiral out of hand very quickly."

"I... I'm not sure..."

"Jazeerael," Lucifer took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. He released Adam and got to his feet. He walked over until he was standing directly in front of the angel. If logic couldn't win this for him, he would just have to appeal to the emotional side of things. Lucifer had been an angel long enough to know what made them tick, what made their hearts bleed. "I'm not asking this as a deal, a contract, or anything with strings attached. I am simply asking as a King, desperate to protect his people. You know what can happen to the souls... the Hellborns if this spreads. Please, they need help... and you are the only one I can turn to for this..." He watched as Jazeerael's expression softened; he could almost feel the shift in the mood.

"Fine. I'll see if Raphael has anything, but please don't get upset if I don't find what you're looking for."

"Thank you!" Lucifer grabbed the angel's hand in both his own, shaking it vigorously. "Thank you so much, you have no idea how many souls you're protecting with this!" Hopefully there would be something in the Archive that would make this whole ordeal worth his while. Jazeerael should, in theory, have a quicker way up to Heaven than just flying or taking the boat. So, assuming he moved quickly, they wouldn't have to be here anymore than one or two extra hours.

"Don't thank me just yet." Jazeerael closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, the color had turned to red, red wings spread from his back, a golden halo appeared over his head. "Wait until I find something useful."

"Oh, don't be like that." Lucifer patted him on the back, the wings fluttered. "Just do your best, it's all I can ask for. Oh, and if it's not too much trouble... maybe don't mention why you're doing this." Not that anyone would ask, Heaven operated on a pretty strict 'trust-based- policy.

"Not loving that stipulation." Jazeerael's mouth drew into a thin line.

"It's fine, you'll be fine." Lucifer assured him. The angel took a deep breath and stepped away from the group.

"I'll be right back." He walked away toward the front of the Archive to where the Archivist was sitting behind her desk. He flared his wings out, giving a little bow. "Jazeerael requesting transport."

"Request submitted. You know he has overdue scrolls, correct?"

"I am aware." The Archivist and the boat captain both looked back at Lucifer who gave them a friendly thumbs up.

"I'll bring them back! Eventually."

"Transport request accepted." The Archivist ignored him as she ushered Jazeerael behind the desk. He opened the door behind her and in a flash of light, he was gone. Lucifer watched him go, before looking at Jezebel and Adam.

"I get the distinct feeling we're fucked if anyone asks him why he's there." It was difficult for angels to lie, even by omission, and the lower ranking the angel, the more unpleasant it was for them.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Jezebel smirked, hand on her hip.

"I'm fairly certain." Lucifer sighed. "But... that gives us some free time. You still want to get that snow globe for your son?"

"Oh, fuck yeah!" Adam seemed to instantly get on board with the idea. There was no reason to stay cooped up in the Archive, and Lucifer had promised him one stop before they left.

They went shopping, Adam ended up picking out a snow globe that had a garden displayed inside that Adam was insistent Cain would enjoy. It hadn't taken nearly as long as Lucifer was expecting, so he took Adam to the ice-cream shop as well. Some ice-cream never hurt. He even recalled some humans insisting it could be used as a cure for a sore throat, so if anything, it was medically necessary ice-cream. They were just finishing their sweet treats when Jezebel jumped to her feet.

"He's back!"

"Oh shit!" Lucifer raced back to the Archive to find Jazeerael pacing back and forth. He looked... uneasy. "Sooooo hey, buddy! Did you find anything?"

"Yes."

"That's great!" Lucifer clapped his hands together but Jazeerael's expression stayed stressed. "You... um... you don't seem to realize that this is a good thing-"

"Sera caught me." Jazeerael cut him off.

"The fuck was she doing by the Archives?" Lucifer had never known Sera to stalk out that way. It wasn't in her jurisdiction.

"I don't know I just-" Jazeerael raked a hand through his crimson curls, his pace quickening. "She started asking a lot of questions and I-" He took a deep breath, "I- oh this is so bad."

"Okay, so you gave her a heads up." Lucifer tried to reach up to touch the angel's shoulder but Jazeerael's pacing was too erratic. "It's not the end of the world." It wasn't exactly great for Lucifer, given that he was sure Sera would find some way to distort this whole interaction to make it look like some kind of threat against Heaven... but he could deal with all that later. "The important thing was that you got the texts."

"No! You don't get it." Jazeerael took a deep breath.

"What, did you piss her off?" Jezebel was watching the freakout with interest. "I mean, so what? She sounds like a bitch."

"She is a bitch." Lucifer agreed.

"An ultra-bitch." Adam added helpfully. "And not even in like... a hot way."

"See, bro?" Jezebel grabbed Jazeerael by both of his shoulders, giving him a little shake. "You'll be fine!"

"I LIED, OKAY!?" Jazeerael's outburst took them all a bit off their guard. He was breathing hard. "I lied to a higher up."

"Oh shit!" Jezebel slapped him on his back. "Nice fucking work!"

"It's not the end of the world, Jazeerael, lots of angels lie. It doesn't mean anything in the long run." Lucifer waved off his concern. "I mean, think of how much lying the Exorcists have to do every single fucking day."

"I personally lied a lot while I was in Heaven." Adam's reassurances may not have been as comforting as the First Man thought, as it seemed Jazeerael was only growing more stressed.

"It gets..." Jazeerael took a deep breath, "SO much worse." He closed his eyes for a moment as he reached into his nicely tailored captain's coat and pulled out a beautifully bound, green journal of sorts. "I lied... and I... stole... a book." Lucifer's breath caught in his throat and in an instant, he had grabbed the book out of Jazeerael's outstretched hand and was flipping it open.

"I am so fucking proud of you! Lying is one thing, but stealing!" Jezebel squished Jazeerael's cheeks in both her hands. "You know, this bad boy streak of yours will impress Cody."

"Please stop. I'm having an existential crisis." Jazeerael moved her hands off of his face.

"Who's Cody?" Adam looked between the two as Lucifer was reading the journal cover to cover. Every notation, every little comment Raphael had made was important. This was the good shit. Jazeerael had somehow struck gold.

"This Hellborn I introduced Jayce here to," Jezebel elbowed him as he started to slide down against the Archivist's oversized desk until he was sitting on the ground, knees drawn to his chest. "We... uh... sometimes go to Hell. You know, take some breaks."

"Why not go to Heaven?" Adam made a face.

"You think those bitches would let my ass hang out in Heaven?" Jezebel snapped and her skin turned a dark pink, her eyes went black. She grew long horns from the top of her head, parting her silky black hair. A tail swished around her feet, before moving to tap Adam on the arm. He jumped, before squinting, looking Jezebel up and down.

"Still hot."

"Thank you." She gave him a wink. "You know we could totally ditch these losers, go grab a drink. There's a bar here-"

"She's gonna steal your kidney." Lucifer finally closed to book. He took a deep breath; his hands were trembling. "Holy fucking shit. You got a medical journal." He looked down to see Jazeerael had curled up, looking a bit worse for wear. He kneeled beside him, lying, stealing... that can't have been easy for him. "Hey, you did good."

"I'm gonna Fall for this." Jazeerael curled his wings around himself. "Michael is gonna cut my wings off."

"You're not gonna Fall. I did shit like this all the time when I was an Archangel." Lucifer assured him. "And I promise, you aren't nearly important enough for Michael to give a shit about what you do."

"Is this supposed to make me feel better?" Jazeerael peeked out from behind his wings.

"Yeah." Lucifer patted the feathers. "Trust me, if you're that concerned you can just blame it on me. People love to blame it on the Devil. Just tell whoever is mad that I made you do it, and it's basically a get out of Hell free card."

"Wait, that could work?" Adam perked up. Lucifer looked back over at him.

"Not for you."

"Aw balls." Adam took a seat on one of the tables. Nice of him to not bother using a chair. Lucifer turned his attention back to Jazeerael, placing his palm gently on his wing.

"Hey, listen to me. I promise you won't get in trouble, okay?"

"I..." Jazeerael unfolded his wings. Something in Lucifer's tone must have reached the angel through his rising stress, as he started to sit up. "Okay. I... don't think she'll even notice it's gone." He let out a long, slow breath. "And I helped. Right? I helped Adam. Helping a human soul can't be bad."

"It's not." Lucifer gave Jazeerael the room to sit back up. "And you have really helped him a lot." He hesitated for a moment. Jazeerael seemed to be in a better mood and as much as Lucifer would rather leave him to sulk with Jezebel, he still had need of Purgatory's angel. "And you could help one more time-"

"Oh, heck no-" Jazeerael started to protest (it was almost funny how the angel avoided swearing. It never seemed to bother Adam or his merry band of murderers. Maybe Jazeerael was just more "old school" in his beliefs.) Lucifer held up a hand to quiet him.

"Hey, hey, hey. Nothing big. Just need you to bless some water. Super easy, barely an inconvenience and not at all illegal."

"Why would you want holy water?" Jazeerael narrowed his eyes. He still looked rather suspicious despite the fact that Lucifer was giving his best innocent smile. "No offense, but that's not on brand for you."

"Well, I am so glad you asked." Lucifer opened the journal, he was taking it with him, hopefully Jazeerael would understand. Since it was stolen anyway, Heaven wouldn't even know it was missing. "Raphael has helpfully discovered a solution to our problem!" He cleared his throat, starting to read: "Low-level or early-stage Corruption can be cleansed with holy water. Soooo, I will take a few gallons. Please and thank you."

"I don't know how to tell you this," Jazeerael tented his fingers together, lowering his hands in Lucifer's direction. "But that " he tilted his head toward Adam, "is not low-level or early-stage Corruption."

"Yeah, but... humor me anyway." Lucifer didn't want to admit that it wasn't for Adam. The First Man was far past the point where a simple drink of holy water could fix the issue at hand. However, Lucifer could probably be right as rain if he could get his hands on it. Of course, it wasn't exactly something he could make in Hell, and it certainly wasn't something he kept on-hand.

"You're not telling me something." Jazeerael was eyeing him distrustfully. Dealing with any of Uriel's angels was always a fucking pain. They were naturally harder to deceive.

"Look," Lucifer held up both hands as if surrendering, "I may have told a teensy, weensy little white lie. But on my defense. You were already panicking and I needed you to stay level headed. It was for your own good." He had to choose his words carefully, obvious lies would just dig him a deeper grave. "Someone did get bit. Recently. I think we are still in the window where the holy water can fix it."

"Who?" Jazeerael wasn't budging.

"You don't know every demon and Sinner in Hell. I could tell you a name and it might mean nothing to you. It was a Hellborn who lives at the mansion." All of what Lucifer said was true on a technical level. And thus, should help get Jazeerael off his back.

"Why the fuck does it even matter?" Jezebel spoke up, crossing her arms. "What the fuck is he going to do with holy water even if it's not for helping?"

"I dunno..." Jazeerael seemed thrown off by Jezebel's interjection. "Holy water is dangerous to infernal beings, I just don't want it to be used to hurt anyone."

"Do you think I would lie to you?" Lucifer feigned offense. "Do you really think so little of me?"

"You literally just admitted to lying." The angel was remarkably unimpressed with Lucifer's antics.

"Jazeerael, listen." The Devil let out a sigh and sat so he could be more at eye level with the red head. "If I wanted to hurt someone in Hell, I wouldn't need your holy water to do it." Jazeerael was quiet for a moment, trying to get a read on the Prince of Lies. Finally, his shoulders drooped and he started to get to his feet.

"Fair enough. I suppose I can bless a gallon of water."

"See, I told you it was super easy." Lucifer stood as well, patting Jazeerael on the back while simultaneously also shoving him out toward the port. Lucifer didn't know where he would be getting the water to bless, but he could assume it wasn't from the Archive.

"I still feel like you're lying to me, just so you know." Jazeerael returned to his human form. He didn't walk far before they found a quaint little grocery store. He found a big jug of water, picking it up, muttering a prayer under his breath. The water began to sparkle even more under the beautiful sunlight.

"Thanks!" Lucifer swiped it quickly, tucking Raphael's journal into his vest. "Let's see how strong this shit is."

"You're not gonna splash me, are you?" Adam looked incredibly suspicious of the jug.

"No, I only get a limited quantity. If I wanted to burn you, I'd throw acid on you like a normal fucking person." Lucifer opened the jug, the water glistened under his gaze. He pulled out a different handkerchief than the one he had used to wipe Adam's blood. It paid to carry more than one when traveling with a sloppy disaster like the First Man. Lucifer pored some water onto the cloth, damn, it even smelled better than regular water. Fucking Heaven had to be so God damn extra with all their holy bullshit. "I can test it on my own skin to see if it'll be strong enough to affect the bitten Hellborn." Lucifer explained as both boat captains were beginning to stare at him. He took a deep breath, dabbing the cloth over the (Hopefully invisible) bite wound on his neck. He felt a tingling, but nothing else. That... didn't feel right. Lucifer looked at the jug and brought it to his mouth. He started to drink the water. It felt a little... spicy as it made its way down his esophagus, but it wasn't nearly strong enough. Jazeerael wasn't strong enough.

"What are you doing?" The angel was looking quite worried by Lucifer's reaction. Damn, he didn't even feel any acid reflux.

"Fuck, I need something way more potent than this shit. No offense." It was easy for Lucifer to forget how low rank Jazeerael was since he only dealt with all of one angel on a regular basis and it was Sera who was more or less Gabriel's right hand.

"I can't sneak back into Heaven for you. Sera's already onto me." Jazeerael was putting his foot down and rightfully so. Any more weird behavior from him and he really might get into trouble. As much as Lucifer was a selfish prick, getting Jazeerael into trouble would only end with him having yet another uninvited houseguest. He needed a permanent in with Heaven, he couldn't risk it. Whoever Heaven had to replace Jazeerael with. might not be as willing to bend the rules. (Years of working with Jezebel had worn him down.)

"No. And you shouldn't." Lucifer stressed the word. "You've been a huge help already." There had to be something else. "If I could get in touch with someone like Emily..." Lucifer looked at the water in his hand. "Even then, she's still in training."

"Uh... Lucifer?" Adam tried to speak, but Lucifer barely comprehended that he had opened his mouth. The Devil was too lost in thought.

"Florence is being a fucking bitch and not returning any calls. But the high ups never leave Heaven without one of the Big Four lurking over their shoulders." Even if his shape-shifting was working perfectly he wouldn't be able to creep by undetected.

"Hey, listen-" Adam tried again.

"Don't suppose Death is around?" Lucifer hadn't come across her yet, and he felt if she knew he was here she would stop by and see what he was up to. She had visited on his first few trips to Purgatory, but after Charlie was born, she hadn't been by. (Maybe she was avoiding him.)

"If she was, we wouldn't be dicking around here with you." Jezebel retorted, flatly. "But she's been fucking slammed recently."

"Right." Had he been receiving this information about any of the other three Horsemen, he'd be way more alarmed. But Death was always busy. Came with the territory. Ah well... back to planning. "Maybe I could crank call the Metatron, and when she calls back to yell at me, I have you try and use your fucked up mirror powers to sneak into Heaven." Lucifer looked over at Adam, deep in his scheming.

"Would that work?" Adam blinked at him.

"I have no fucking idea; your powers are still too new. But it might be worth testing." Lucifer gave a small shrug. "Regardless, I don't have a whole hell of a lot of options here, no pun intended."

"I feel like that pun was entirely intended." Adam replied flatly. "But look it doesn't matter because-"

"Shh, shh, shhhh. If I said it's unintentional, then you should trust me, blindly." Lucifer put a hand over Adam's mouth. He was playing a dangerous game as Adam could easily bite him, but Lucifer was confident that the First Man was currently too grounded. Adam glared at him before Lucifer felt something warm and wet against his glove. "Did you just fucking lick me!?" He pulled his clawed hand back, appalled. Adam just stood there, smirking back at him and making Lucifer really rethink his life choices that had led him up to this point. The first man finally spoke.

"Hey dumbass, what about Rochele?"

"Rochele?" Lucifer repeated dumbly. He hadn't heard that name in a long time. Last time he had seen her, she had flown into a tree while delivering souls.

"She only goes to Heaven once a year. She's got an office in the living world." Adam had lived in Heaven, so Lucifer shouldn't be surprised that he knew things about the holy hierarchy, and yet... he didn't think Adam had the attention span to pick up stuff like that.

"Sera's probably told her everything." Lucifer couldn't imagine the top Seraphim weren't constantly chatting amongst themselves at his detriment.

"She... isn't around enough." Adam seemed rather insistent. "Look, if you need someone high ranking, she's going to be your best bet. She's not in Heaven enough to be involved in any politics." It seemed... unlikely, but Lucifer might have to trust that Adam knew what he was talking about with this. He had been in Heaven far more recently. Lucifer hadn't even realized that Rochele spent most of her time in the living world. It made sense, given her job and the constantly growing population, but it hadn't really crossed his mind. "Trust me."

"I don't, for the record." Lucifer heaved a heavy sigh. "But at this point I'm fresh out of fucking options. So," he looked back at Jazeerael and Jezebel who seemed to be whispering amongst themselves. "Which way to the living world?" Purgatory was, after all, connected to many different realms. Not just Heaven and Hell. It would save Lucifer a lot of time and energy to just find the natural exit and go from there.

"Why would we know that?" Jezebel put a hand over her chest. "We're just good little boat captains who never stray from our designated posts."

"You literally said earlier you and Jazeerael partied in Hell." Lucifer didn't bat an eye at her display.

"For the record: I partied. Jayce just awkwardly stood to the side and tried not to look at anything too impure."

"I was chaperoning." Jazeerael was straight faced, but Lucifer could tell he was a bit flustered at having been called out.

"He was flirting or trying to." Jezebel nudged him playfully with her hip. "It was pretty funny; you should have seen it."

"So, I assume you two have... shall we say... spent time in the living world." Lucifer needed to get them back on track. Usually, he would be able to find the entrance on his own, but his wings had failed him once before, he needed to use them as little as possible.

"We might have." Jezebel grinned. "What's it worth to you?"

"You know I could just report you both to Death for abusing your positions." Lucifer was in a weakened state, sure, but he wasn't about to be swindled by one of his own.

"Oh, don't be like that." Jezebel's smile instantly fell. "It wouldn't kill you to give us a little something for our troubles."

"The entrance to the living world is complicated, we can move it around, but only so much without a human soul to anchor it down. As is locating Rochele's office." Jazeerael seemed disinterested in trying to milk anything out of the Devil (probably because he had committed a crime, and Lucifer knew it.) "Her location is constantly moving. I have some charts that can predict where it will be, but no matter where she is, she'll be way higher in the sky than the entrance to Purgatory can reach. Assuming we can even get you close you'll still have to fly the rest of the way, and quickly because if you linger too long it'll disappear again."

"Can you anchor it to Adam? He's human... ish." Lucifer didn't exactly have an unlimited number of humans at his immediate disposal.

"They have to be unassigned. Otherwise, it won't register." Jazeerael shook his head.

"So just grab any of the souls wandering around who don't have their ticket yet." Lucifer had been walking through Purgatory all day and there was no shortage of processing souls meandering about.

"Hold the fuck on, we have to find a soul that died in a location that will put you close enough to the fucking office so that you aren't zipping all around the human world with a Corrupted-ass human soul, drawing all of Heaven's attention." Jezebel held up her hand.

"I might be able to set something up, but you will not have long to get inside her office." Jazeerael was looking at his tablet again. Lucifer could almost see him running the numbers. "If you fail, we'll have to start the whole process over again with a different human and it will be incredibly tedious."

"You know I'm an Archangel, right? Like, speed is not a fucking problem." Lucifer forced a laugh. His ego wouldn't let him admit how screwed he was with this plan. "I can circle the planet in the blink of an eye."

"So... you don't need us to anchor the entrance close for you?" Jazeerael looked up.

"Well, you've already gone through all the fucking trouble, we might as well." Lucifer tried to look disinterested. He very much needed their help, but he couldn't admit it.

"Right. Okay. I have a list of humans that are currently here and could work." Jazeerael showed his list to Jezebel. She raised an eyebrow but nodded.

"He... hey." Adam spoke up, he sounded hesitant. "Random question but like... it doesn't hurt the human, right?"

"Oh, goodness no. They'll be perfectly fine." Jazeerael assured him quickly. "We usually just give them a headset and let them play some virtual reality-" He stopped himself quickly- "not that we ever use the entrance for non-work-related reasons."

"Yeah. Sure." Lucifer nodded, straight faced.

"I think he bought it." Jezebel leaned forward speaking in the most unconvincing stage whisper Lucifer had heard in a while.

"Jez, you take them to the entrance, I'll get the human." Jazeerael was back to looking at his screen. "We do not have long. So, I would walk very quickly." And with that he headed off toward the city.

"He is all business." Jezebel rolled her eyes. "I guess I can't blame him. It's not every day we get to impress the King of Hell." She began to walk more into the City. Funny, all the other entrances and exits Lucifer knew were outside the limits of Port Gatory, but this one seemed to be at its heart. There were plenty of books and spells that could take Lucifer to the mortal world, to the exact place he would need to be. And under any other circumstances, it wouldn't even be difficult to use those methods. Having his powers malfunctioning was forcing him to find other ways to solve his issues, and while he prided himself on his creativity, the idea of becoming reliant on others didn't sit well with his ego. Still, this was going to only be temporary. And Jezebel and Jazeerael, if they were suspicious, weren't showing it.

"I'm mildly impressed, as of right now." Lucifer would play along for the time being. He didn't need information about his current state spreading throughout Heaven and Hell. He just had to keep pretending everything was normal. What was that fucking slogan DamnWay was always pushing on people? Visualize then actualize? It was all a load of bullshit, but currently it described Lucifer's plan. Everything was fine, until he admitted otherwise.

"I should get a promotion or something." Jezebel mused as they approached a beautiful movie theater style building. So, this was where the entrance to Earth was located. That was a lot closer than he was anticipating. The building was a massive, red brick, kind of old-fashioned looking theater, but incredibly well kept. There were large, wooden doors at the front that Jezebel pushed open. Inside was much less crowded. There were posters for different 'movies' but they all seemed to be documentaries on different locations on Earth. There were a few souls wandering inside the theater. Most were dead, and were simply killing time while they were processed, but a few were still alive- or at least- were walking the fine line between life and death. It was weird to see the living (or the living adjacent, as the case may be) Lucifer hadn't interacted with them in a long time.

"You guys keep it in a movie theater? Really?" Lucifer was expecting something... different. Maybe like a giant hole in the ground with a fence around it that simply said: danger. Then again, he hadn't had any need to use this entrance before, so he really hadn't given it too much thought. Purgatory really was just left to their own devices a lot, at least as far as Hell was concerned. So, they could just do whatever they wanted. (He wasn't sure how involved Heaven was, but from the sound of Jazeerael's complaints, they had become pretty hands-off as well. Not that it was surprising. Heaven loved to uninvolve themselves once a situation got too sticky. Assholes.)

"It works. Plus, it gives the souls that are stuck something to do. We can't just have them interacting with the processing souls. Then things get messy when they have to go back to the theater rather than getting on a boat." Jezebel led them all the way to the back in a room labeled VIP. The room looked like a theater, but the chairs were all a high quality, soft, plush, a deep red with gold trim. There were headsets that rested off to the side of each chair. Lucifer saw automated staff in this room as well, walking up and down the empty aisle, dressed as ushers.

"What do you mean by: stuck?" Adam had seemed content to just look at the movie posters, but had now tuned back into the conversation. Awesome.

"Between life and death." Jezebel didn't seem to mind the question. It probably wasn't often she got to explain the more subtle nuances of her job. "Sometimes, someone isn't like... dead-dead. They're in a place where they could die, or they could live. So, we have to keep them here until it goes one way or another. It used to be really rare, but with population increases, we pretty much see it all the time. I assume that might be why we got taken off the boats? You know, to deal with that shit. But I dunno." She gave a dramatic shrug.

"It didn't look like that is what either of you were doing." Lucifer replied flatly. At least Jazeerael seemed to be doing actual work but Jezebel was from Hell, so he wasn't really sure what he expected.

"If that is what they wanted, then they gotta tell me. I'm not a fucking mind reader." Jezebel took a moment to sit in one of the plush chairs. "Oh, by the by, try and be on your best behavior around the soul Jayce is bringing. We don't want to freak them out." She was looking directly at Adam, who blinked.

"What? I'm literally always on my best behavior. If the soul sees that I'm hot and wants a piece, that's not on me."

"Was there a reason you brought him along? Or..." Jezebel's eyes flickered over to Lucifer who was impatiently watching the door.

"There was. But I'm starting to realize it wasn't worth it."

"Hey! Fuck you, I'm a delight." As if masking Lucifer's point for him, Adam flipped both his fingers up in the air as he spoke.

"Hey everyone!" The doors flew open and everyone got to their feet in an instant. Jazeerael came in with the soul of a young man, a future Winner, from the look of it. "This is Sawin. He has so wonderfully agreed to help us test out our new VR system! Isn't that nice of him?"

"Thanks, gorgeous, you're a real one." Adam shot finger guns at the soul who really looked more confused than anything else, as Lucifer grabbed Adam by his collar pulling him to his side.

"Stop."

"What? I was saying thank you." Adam looked annoyed.

"I'm just happy to help." The soul replied, cheerfully. Jazeerael gestured to a seat in the front.

"Now, Sawin, you are going to put this headset on, and you can think of any movie in the entire world that you want, and you'll be able to watch it. But that's not all, you'll get to experience it from the point of view of the character of your choosing! And you can switch perspectives at any point in time. Just have fun with it." He lifted the headset offering it to the soul. "You can even change movies, just by thinking about it." The soul looked genuinely impressed by the set up.

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity. That sounds like a lot of fun!"

"Here," Jazeerael helped get the soul situated. Once the headset was on, the screen in the theater lit up. But not with any movie, but rather with the image of a small town on Earth. Jazeerael, turned to the others. "We have to move fast. So, this a five-mile radius around where our friend here died. I'm putting you right below where Rochele will appear. You have about five minutes once her office is in place, before it moves again. As for getting back?" He gave a shrug. "I would ask Rochele to bring you back to where you started and we'll let you back through."

"Okay, and she'll be pretty high up if I reca-" Lucifer was trying to get a plan in place but Jazeerael cut him off.

"You need to go now."

"Right." Lucifer grabbed Adam. He didn't trust that asshole in Purgatory unattended. Also, he might need him as a bargaining chip for Rochele. "So do I just-"

"Walk through the screen." Jezebel started pushing Lucifer toward the large theater screen as Jazeerael was focused on his tablet once again. The Devil pulled Adam along behind him as he jumped through the screen and-

Started to fall.

FUCK!

They had put him in the FUCKING air! Sure, it was closer to where Rochele would be but at the same time his wings had been acting like little bitches recently and he was in no place to get surprised like this. He heard Adam cry out as Lucifer forced his wings out, starting to flap, steadying himself and managing to pull Adam up, into his arms so he wasn't weighing him down on one side.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY TRYING TO KILL US!?"

"They were trying to help, I think." Lucifer saw beautiful fluffy clouds overhead. He strained to pump his wings, lifting them up, slowly higher. Fuck. They didn't have the time for Lucifer to leisurely make his way into the sky. He could feel that horrible fatigue starting to set in again but he tried to ignore it. Just... a little... further.

"Why does she have to be in the fucking sky anyway? That sounds incredibly unsafe." Adam was either trying to make himself focus on anything other than the situation at hand, or was simply enjoying the sound of his own voice. Lucifer glanced down at him, he was back in his Sinner form- made sense- they weren't in Purgatory, that masking aura was gone.

"I dunno, Heaven's big on the sky thing." Lucifer hated how breathless he sounded. Maybe he shouldn't talk. He pierced into the clouds. He could see nothing but white around him as he continued to climb up.

"Well when I get back, I'm going to have a few suggestions." Adam's voice was calm, but Lucifer could feel him holding on tightly. The devil kept his gaze on the sky above. All he saw was wafting white cloud- wait! There was the smallest shimmer above him. He beat his wings harder, they felt like fucking stone on his back, they were starting to hurt with every pump. But he could see a shimmering, marble floor peeking through the clouds. There it was.

God. He was so fucking close.

One of his wings started to freeze up.

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

Not now.

"Shit." Lucifer could barely get the word out.

"What's happening?" Adam must have felt him stall out.

"Nothing." Lucifer tried to flap harder, they were so goddamn close...

"Your neck..." Adam must have seen something Lucifer couldn't. His eyes were wide. He looked up at the hint of marble above them. He started to shift his weight, moving in the Devil's arm's causing him to struggle even more as he tried to keep hold.

"The fuck are you doing!? Are you trying to die, dumbass!?" Lucifer couldn't keep his grip as Adam moved so they were face to face.

"Hold on to me. I have a really stupid idea." Adam looked him dead in the eyes as he pushed on Lucifer's shoulders, almost climbing the Devil like a pole. Adam's legs were wrapped just below Lucifer's arms as he struggled to not plummet right from the sky. Adam's wings spread out and he tilted his body to stretch his white wing up. The very tip of a moonlight white feather touched the glistening marble surface and-

"What the actual fuck?" In a second, Lucifer went from fighting for his life in the air to feeling gravity shift and suddenly he was laying partially on top of Adam, but partially on something rather solid. Adam was sprawled out beneath him, wings flat, breathing hard as he looked up,

"I FUCKING DID IT!" Adam sat up, and Lucifer pushed himself off as he looked around. He could see clouds, but they looked... different. They only stretched out so far, and then the perfect white fluff was replaced by an inky darkness.

"You did... what exactly?" Lucifer tapped the ground. It was stone solid.

"THE FLOOR WAS REFLECTIVE, MOTHER FUCKER! AW YEAH! HEAVEN'S SHINY-ASS AESTHETIC IS BITING THEM IN THE ASS NOW! AM I RIGHT!? HA HA! SUCK MY DICK! I AM FUCKING AWESOME! I SAVED YOU- ah fuck." Adam's celebration was immediately cut short as he was struck by the familiar queasiness.

"Don't you DARE fucking throw up in this mirror." Lucifer's eyes widened as he realized that Adam had saved him, and that was horrible enough on its own. But it was made worse by the fact that apparently, despite the First Man saving himself as well, it had counted as a genuine good deep.

"Yeah, I can't stop it."

"Do something bad to counteract it! Hit me in the face or something!" Lucifer didn't know what would happen if Adam threw up the black gunk in the mirror. Could that keep it at bay? Or would it spread to every reflective surface nearby. It could go either way and Lucifer was in no state to gamble.

"Will that- ugh- work?" Adam was visibly struggling not to puke, hugging his stomach, squatting down.

"Worth a shot." Lucifer braced himself as Adam raised his fist. The first man swung, but no blow ever fell. Instead, Adam used the motion to swipe Lucifer's hat off his head and flip it over, vomiting inside. Lucifer started at him for a solid minuet as he wretched into a very expensive piece of clothing. "Really?"

"I saved you. You don't get to be a dick." Adam glared at him, as he lowered the hat from his mouth.

"You puked in my hat." Lucifer gestured to the object in question. He took a deep breath. He would have to move on from the hat-thing, as they had more important matters at hand at the present. "So, we're in the floor." He looked down at Adam, who was still couched down on the ground. "Good thinking on that." He hated to admit it, but Adam had technically saved him from having to do this all over again. "But... now what?"

"I legit panicked." Adam laughed. "I saw the wound opening up on your neck and it looked all kinds of fucked up and I was like... we are so gonna die unless I do something. So, I did! And we didn't. Good day all around." Adam got back into a standing position, shoving the vomit filled hat back into Lucifer's arms and putting his hands on his hips as he looked around. "Now, I am glad you asked about our next step because I have a plan! Kinda. I just need to find a reflection that'll lead us inside. Shouldn't be too hard. But it'd be easier if you let me keep practicing on the boat."

"You were being a menace on the boat." Lucifer reminded him. Adam had been like a kid with a brand-new toy, constantly messing about. But it had ended up saving them. That was almost worse than failure.

"Hey, you said yourself powers take practice." Adam was looking around, though Lucifer couldn't figure out what he was looking for. Adam moved the clouds aside, and Lucifer watched the cloud below move in turn. He looked back to see that Adam had stepped out of the reflected area into the darkness around it. Lucifer could see faint lights all around them, distant, but definite. They were all over, some looked to be on walls, some seemed to be directly above on what might have been a ceiling. Adam stepped into the dark and seemed to vanished.

"Adam?" Lucifer blinked. Where the fuck had he gone.

"There is SO much reflective shit in this place holy fuck." He could hear Adam's voice above him and he looked up to see Adam standing on one of those white lights. To Lucifer he looked like he was standing upside down, but Adam didn't even have his wings out and he was perfectly balanced. "I can get us inside super easy." Adam looked down at Lucifer. "Come on up."

"How?" Lucifer spread his wings, even when he flapped them, he could only rise until the light stopped, then he was blocked by an unseen wall.

"What the fuck?" Adam vanished again and reappeared beside him. "You can't just jump over to the next light?"

"It's your fucking power." Lucifer didn't want to say the next part of the sentence: you're stronger than I am in here. (Mostly because, that would not usually be true. As when Lucifer was at full power, he should easily be able to counter Adam). Adam looked above them, giving a little shrug.

"Okay then," he grabbed Lucifer by the arm and Lucifer felt gravity shift. Suddenly he was standing on a solid floor, he could see a warped looking office, everything tinted gold. There were cherubs and angels walking quickly past them, they looked... bigger than they should. What sort of fucking reflection had Adam dropped them into? Lucifer looked back at Adam who was pressing on the solid wall in front. He looked over to see Lucifer was watching him. He smirked. "You may want to hold on."

"Where are we?" Lucifer glared at him as he grabbed onto Adam, tucking the puke filled hat under his arm.

"Not entirely sure." Adam closed his eyes, focusing. He took a deep breath and started to push through the solid, glass-like wall as if it were nothing more than water. Lucifer held tightly to him, as Adam pulled himself free. Lucifer looked down, as he was still partially submerged in the reflection. They were coming out of some sort of... potted plant. The pot was a shining, glittering, and reflective golden color. But it looked only to be about a foot tall. Awesome. Adam didn't need to use fucking full-sized items to move in and out. This power just got better and better didn't it? (Why couldn't Adam have had extra arms or something fucking simple?) "HA! And we're in!"

"Real subtle." Lucifer pulled himself free the rest of the way, careful not to spill the contents of his hat. He could see every angel in the room staring at them both in complete bewilderment. He cleared his throat. "I beg your pardon," he gave a swooping bow. "I'm looking for Rochele."

"W... who should we say is calling?" A lower ranking angel stepped forward, they didn't look... scared, maybe more... confused. That was unexpected. Then again, Lucifer supposed not many of the newer angels could really identify him on sight. And while he had his wings out, his horns and tail were still concealed.

"Oh," he paused for a moment. He didn't want to get kicked out before he even had a chance to ask for what he needed. He sighed. He might regret this choice, but, "Luciael." He hadn't used that name in so long it sounded foreign on his tongue. But Rochele would recognize it, even if the lower ranking angels wouldn't. He just hoped her curiosity would overwhelm her innate hate of him, and draw her to answer.

"Of course, sir." The angel nodded, hurrying away. Lucifer had been correct in assuming they wouldn't recognize his old name. He held the hat close, standing awkwardly as, slowly, the others in the room began to go back to what they were doing. Lucifer rocked on his heels, looking over at Adam.

"Hey... um..." He cleared his throat, looking away, back toward the doors. "Thanks for getting us in here. That was... shockingly smart thinking." Adam scoffed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

"You don't have to sound so fucking surprised; you know."

"I just-" Lucifer's amazing response was cut short as the doors flew open and suddenly Rochele was before him. She had gotten taller since the last time he'd seen here. Her blue and white wings were outspread, the eyes on her halo and in her hair had all opened, they were watching him.

"Luci?"

"Rochele! Darling! Long time no see!" Lucifer was just happy she didn't have a sword out and at the ready. "Could I steal a moment of your time for a..." he glanced around him at the growing crowd, "private conversation?"

"Oh, yes, of course." Much to his surprise, she gestured for him to follow as she walked quickly through the halls into a beautiful office to the back. She was surrounded by windows, behind her the sun was glowing, casting a golden light around the room. There were many little trinkets on the shelves, things from throughout time and space. Lucifer even saw a small trinket he had made from back in his angel days. (It was a little bird that moved around in a small glass. Lucifer was... surprised she had kept it. He'd have thought it would have been destroyed after his Fall.) She snapped and the doors closed, leaving her alone with the Devil and his Sinner. "Lucifer... what in Heaven's name has brought you out here?"

"Oh, you know," he laughed, trying his best to keep his cool. He didn't want to let too much out. Just enough to get what he needed from her. Sera already had an upper hand on him, he didn't need all of Heaven knowing his plight. "Just hadn't seen you in a while. I was curious how you're keeping up with the increased population and all that." Half of him expected her to reach beneath her desk and grab an Exorcist mask and helmet and go all biblical on him. But she just took a seat, clasping her hands together. She looked him up and down, he could feel her analyzing him. God, he hadn't seen her since she was delivering souls all by herself. "Look at you, you've moved up! You've got a whole ass team! I'm impressed!"

"Yes, things are going well." Rochele's answers were slow, hesitant. "Sorry," she got to her feet and in a flash, she was looking down at Adam, towering over him. "Adam? Is that you?" She reached out a hand, cupping the shadowy side of his face. He could see Adam stiffen, but then relax. He gave the seraphim a toothy (and in Lucifer's opinion, douchey) grin, winking playfully.

"Same First Man, just in two brand new colors." Adam gestured to himself. Rochele paused for a moment, before taking the First man in her arms, hugging him tightly. Adam looked so small in her embrace it was actually funny. But Lucifer tried not to laugh as he could see tears in her eyes.

"They think you're dead." She pulled away, taking Adam's face in her hands again. "Abel is a mess." Lucifer wanted to comment something along the lines of: that's no surprise. But this seemed like a terrible time for jokes. (He'd just lie when recounting this to Cain and say he'd made a hilarious joke at Abel's expense.)

"You've seen my son?" Adam's eyes widened and he instantly lost his swagger, grabbing to Rochele's hand. "What about Seth?"

"I only saw Abel, but I assume he's just as upset. Oh Adam... my poor, poor little Adam." Rochele gripped his hands in hers. "How have you Fallen? What brought this about?" So, Sera hadn't told Rochele the truth. At least, not about Adam. (Either that or Rochele was actress of the year pretending not to know.)

"Clerical error. I'll be back before you know it." Adam avoided looking at her. Lucifer understood the response. Adam was too proud to admit any fault. So be it. Lucifer was the same way.

"He's Corrupted, Rochele." Lucifer spoke, completely calm. Rochele froze in place, before taking a step back.

"I... beg your pardon...?"

"He's Corrupted. Capital C. We think it's something he picked up in Pu-" He stopped himself, "in Port Gatory," God that name was fucking dumb, "but he started displaying symptoms as soon as he Fell. Which is why I've come to you." Just like with Jazeerael, Lucifer would need appeal to the angelic sense of justice that seemed to linger at the core of most holy beings.

"Why me? I'm not medical..." Rochele had both her hands clasped. At least she seemed to be taking Lucifer seriously.

"I've got everything pretty much under control," a pretty big lie, but Rochele wasn't one of Uriel's angels, and Lucifer hoped she was too overwhelmed with the information he was bringing to her that she wouldn't press any further. "But I need to stop it from spreading around Hell. I'm keeping Adam fairly isolated, but you know how... crowded things get. I don't need this getting out to the Sinners because it could spread like wildfire."

"I... understand your plight, but..." Rochele took a seat on the edge of her desk, "I fail to see how I can aid you."

"Holy water." Lucifer pulled the journal out of his vest. "Raphael says that holy water can cure early Corruption. So, even though Adam's a bit... far-gone, if you give me holy water, I can stop him from giving it to anyone else. Easy."

"Oh," she looked at the book. "Well if Raph thinks that's the answer, then I would be happy to assist."

"Thank you~!" Lucifer grinned, his tone almost sing-song. God, it was fucking impressive how far a name drop could carry him. Rochele had no way of knowing the journal was stolen. As far as she was concerned Lucifer had been sent here by fucking Raphael. Thank fucking Christ for angels and their blindly trusting nature. "So, if you don't mind, could you bless a few gallons of holy water for me?"

"Of course." In the blink of an eye, she was gone from the desk and opening the door. "Just wait here." And in another blink, she was gone. Adam looked over at Lucifer before looking back at the door.

"Wow, she asked like... no follow up questions. Gotta love Heaven sometimes."

"Well, I have one of Raph's journals. That's pretty fucking official." Lucifer waved the book triumphantly. Before they could say anything else, Rochele was back in the doorway, an arm full of massive jugs of glittering water.

"Will this be enough?"

"Oh yes, thank you." Damn Lucifer could literally bathe in the stuff with how much she was grabbing. Not that he would want to. Her holy water would be far more potent than what Jazeerael was able to produce. "You don't mind if I test it out really quickly? I have some um... Corrupted vomit in my hat. Adam got sick on the way over."

"You were just... carrying Corrupted vomit in your hat?" She looked rather nauseated by the idea. Lucifer forced a laugh.

"You know, I didn't want to risk staining any of your lovely floors."

"Right." She handed him a jug and he opened it, pouring the water onto the vomit. He swore he heard a sound almost like a scream as the black ooze bubbled and sizzled before completely vanishing all together. Okay, it purged the vomit, but what about..." Lucifer poured it onto the blood covered handkerchief he had tucked away earlier. Sure enough, the stain vanished. Lucifer could feel the sting of the water on his skin through his gloves. Oh... this might actually work. He took a deep beath and put the handkerchief over the invisible bite wound on his neck. "Um, Luci, please be careful! You could get burned." Rochele spoke up rather quickly when she saw what he was doing.

"Whoops! Silly me!" Lucifer laughed, trying to pass it off as a simple absentminded mistake. "I am just exhausted from partying on the Hell Liner earlier." It stung like a bitch but... Lucifer felt a little... better? Holy fuck, it was working. Even just that little bit was making a difference. If he used this... it might take a bit for his energy to fully restore, but this was the answer! "Thank you so very much for your help, Rochele dear. You are an angel."

"We... all are?" She looked confused by the comment. "Well, I am so very glad I was able to help."

"Hey, Rochele..." Adam looked up at her, his voice wasn't as loud or brash as usual. "Would you mind... next time you're in Heaven... telling my sons that I'm, okay? You can leave out all this Corruption bullshit and that I'm hanging out with this bitch right here," Adam gestured to Lucifer (ah yes, that sounded more like the Adam he knew). "But I just don't want them to think I'm gone..."

"Of course." She smiled at him.

"And if there's every anything you need from Hell," Lucifer gave a dramatic flourish, "you can say I owe you one."

"Oh, thank you. But I don't need anything." She smiled at him. "Though, maybe one day you can let me come visit. I know my souls down in Hell didn't make the best choices in life, but they are still my beautiful creations."

"I mean, yeah." Her comment made Lucifer a bit uneasy. Did... Rochele not know about the Exterminations? No fucking way. She probably just meant the souls that were left. "Maybe some time after all this gets settled. But thanks a ton, you are a real life saver." He looked at all the water, then at Adam, then back at Rochele. "Can you do me just one more solid? Can you open up a direct path back for us to Port Gatory? I just don't want to carry all this and Adam."

"Of course." She smiled muttering under her breath as she closed her office door and opened it again. Lucifer looked through the door to see the inside of the theater. God this was going to save him so much fucking headache. Lucifer gestured to Adam to help him grab the jugs of holy water and they carried them toward the exit. "Lucifer," Rochele called out to him as he stepped over the threshold.

"Yes?" He turned, to look back at her.

"Do be careful." And with that, the image of the seraphim and her office vanished all together. Lucifer looked at the jugs of water in his arms. He was holding the answer to that little problem Adam had caused him. If he used this, cleaned the wound, drank it in a small amount... he could be back to normal in as little as a few days.

"Did you get what you needed?" Jezebel looked amused by seeing Lucifer and Adam holding giant water jugs.

"Yes. This will do nicely." Lucifer smirked. He could feel his confidence returning. Turns out this trip hadn't been a waste at all. He couldn't wait to see the look on Sera's face when he called back. "And when I get home," he looked at Adam, "I think we have a phone call to make."

[coraxonxcall]

Adamsapple Lanyard design! I need more Adamsapple Merch in my life 😫

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 18: I'm on a Boat

"I am so glad you came by." Lucifer stood in the doorway, holding Charlie by the hand, looking up at her, the smile on her face brightening the entire mansion. Lysander had dragged Syn and Adam away, claiming that Lucifer needed alone time with his daughter. The Devil wasn't entirely sure where they had gotten off to, but it didn't matter. He could find them later. "Even if you didn't vote for me."

"Sorry." Charlie laughed, squeezing his hand. "But you said to be honest."

"You did the right thing." Lucifer gave a dramatic sigh. "Even if it did crush my ego and destroy me emotionally. Betrayed by my own flesh and blood."

"I think you'll live." Charlie bent down and pressed a kiss to her father's cheek.

"We... should do this again sometime. I liked having you here."

"Oh, for sure. I have plans next week to do a sticker exchange with Syn."

"You made plans with Syn?" Lucifer blinked. "When?"

"She came up to me when I was going to the bathroom. She is adorable, dad. Reminds me of the toys you used to make for me when I was little. Do you remember those?" There was a warm sense of nostalgia in Charlie's tone. Perfect, Charlie associated his current creations with the toys he would make when she was young. Lucifer loved creating those little playthings, Charlie's whole face would light up when she would play with them. Even if he couldn't be physically around all the time, he could still create something beautiful for her to have, a part of himself to always be close. To know Charlie remembered those times as fondly as she did, melted his heart.

"I remember." Lucifer pulled her close again, giving her an additional hug. "It's so good to have you here."

"And you know you can stop by the Hotel at any time."

"I know."

"Just maybe warn me if you're bringing Adam along. I know he needs more Redemption training, but the others still aren't super happy that I am trying to help him."

"You know you don't have to do this, sweet apple." He squeezed her hands tightly, assuring her that she wasn't bound to fixing Lucifer's problems.

"I know. But I stand by what I believe. Redemption is possible." She took a deep breath; he could see her expression soften. "And I know you believe in me too. And that means a lot. I like being included."

"I know." Ouch. Charlie was trying her damnedest to uncover the issues that Lucifer was trying to bury. It wasn't fair to Charlie to keep her at arm's length with all of this, she was the princess of Hell. She had the right to know about the present danger, but at the same time, that was his baby girl. He had watched her learn to walk. He had created her with all the hope and love he had left. She was his greatest contribution. All the stars in the sky that he had made in his angel days, paled in comparison to Charlie. And though she was grown, he still felt the need to protect her. "I love you so much Char-Char."

"I love you too dad." She smiled, letting go of his hands as she headed out of the door. "See you soon."

"It's never too soon to see you again." He stood in the doorway watching her as she headed down the winding path, waving. "By crabapple! I love you!"

"Love you too dad!" He could hear the laughter in her voice as she gave one last wave, before turning around and heading back toward her Hotel.

"Wow, that was a lot. I feel like I might fucking puke again." The grating sound of Adam's voice made Lucifer's face fall as he started to close the door once Charlie was out of sight.

"Shouldn't you be off celebrating your victory?" Lucifer turned around to see Adam; arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the banister to the stairs. "I'm sure you can gloat to Lysander for at least thirty minutes before he gets bored."

"Oh, more like an hour, he fucking loves me." Adam smirked. "But who doesn't? I'm a goddamn delight. And a winner. It's impressive how amazing I actually am."

"Mmhmm. Then why aren't you with him right now? I thought you three were off doing shots or some shit- actually, please don't take Syn to do shots. She's too young for the party scene."

"I was with him, but then I left because they were going to do karaoke and Syn always gets too close to the mic and it makes this soul-splitting feedback that-"

"Right. Adam, I don't actually care." Lucifer held up a hand to shut him up. He cleared his throat. "Well, I suppose since you're the cook now- on top of being the maid- you'll need to start figuring out our future menu. I personally am most curious about the future desserts-"

"We need to talk." Adam cut him off. We'll that was fucking rude. Lucifer gave an annoyed snort.

"We are talking. We're talking about food."

"We need to talk about today." Adam wasn't budging.

"What about it? You won a cooking competition, not a fucking war. It's not that deep, asshole."

"Something is going on with you. I saw the bite mark on your neck again."

"Why the fuck were you looking at my neck, you creepy weirdo?" Lucifer's face contorted into a look of disgust and unease. Fuck. Was Adam not as stupid as he looked? (Not that it was much of an accomplishment.) Why wouldn't he have brought this shit up earlier?

"There was blood on your collar. I was just confused by that and one thing led to another so I was looking at your neck. Listen, it's not weird unless you make it weird."

"I mean that's sounds pretty fucking strange even in context." Lucifer wanted very much to not be having this conversation, especially not with Adam. He wanted to just go to his room and start to think about his problems in a peaceful environment. Maybe in a bathrobe with a glass of wine.

"Did I get you sick?" There was no way in Hell that Adam was concerned, so Lucifer could only interpret his voice to be annoyed.

"No. I'm not Corrupted." That was probably true. The flecks of gold on his collar were all the proof he really needed. "The blood never turns black." Lucifer took off his coat examining the collar. He had kept one of the stained shirts just to be absolutely certain, and the blood never lost its glistening golden luster.

"But then what's going on with your magic? I mean, don't get me wrong, you're a screwup and that is your entire personality, but like, you are fucking up way more than usual." Adam's eyes were narrowed, locked on Lucifer, almost as if he was studying him as the devil put coat back on.

"I'm not fucking up dumbass, I'm fucking with you. Big difference. Huge even."

"No, you're not." Adam's reply was rather short. It was almost like he was trying to have an honest conversation with him, which was so unlikely that Lucifer half wondered if he WAS Corrupted and having delusions of some kind.

"Quite frankly I fail to see how any of this is your business. I don't typically discuss matters of health with my palace staff. Or with people who have a history of trying to kill me. Call me a private person, if you will." Lucifer straightened his posture and started to head up the stairs, past Adam, refusing to make eye contact to prove a point. Adam grabbed him by the arm trying to pull Lucifer to look at him. He couldn't. Lucifer was physically too strong; it was like an ant trying to pull an elephant.

"If something is wrong with you, I have a right to know."

"You really don't." Lucifer pulled his arm away.

"Yes, I fucking do. My life is in your hands." Adam went very quiet suddenly. Lucifer turned quickly to look at him, making sure he wasn't about to have another episode. Adam looked... upset? Confused? Worried? God he could be such a hard read sometimes. Lucifer could read his emotions- it was an angelic talent- but with the Corruption in Adam even that could be unreliable as his negative emotions were amplified, drowning out any positive feelings he might have. (If Adam was capable of positive feelings. It seemed unlikely that he was, just given his previous actions.)

"Adam...?" they had just been staring at each other in complete silence as Lucifer reflected on their prior interactions and Adam seemed to have some sort of existential crisis.

"I hate that so fucking much." Adam's face twisted into a look of anger and disgust. "I hate that it's true- but it is. You're the whole goddamn reason I'm still here. And I don't mean Hell- even though every second with you is my own personal Hell-"

"Same. Continue." It was Lucifer's turn to cross his arms over his chest.

"I mean, I hate you. You are the fucking worst. You are literally everything wrong with society and are the reason behind every bit of suffering I have ever experienced-"

"Is there a but at the end of this? Because, if there is, you should skip to that part because this pep-talk fucking sucks." Lucifer's eyes narrowed. Adam took a deep breath, he seemed to be building himself up for something.

"BUT," the word sounded incredibly forced. "You are also the only thing stopping me from completely falling apart. I... I hate you..." His hands were clenched into fists, but he took a deep breath and Lucifer could see the grip start to relax. "But I hate what the Corruption is doing to me more."

"..." Lucifer was quiet. He wasn't sure what to say. He was prepared for a lot of things, but an honest conversation with Adam hadn't been on the list of possible scenarios for the day. So, he was a bit thrown off. "Listen, I promise you I'm not Corrupted."

"Then what's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm perfectly fine."

"You're not fine. If I did something to you then we have to fucking fix it." Adam seemed to realize how insane he must have sounded because his face tinted gold and his eyes cast toward the floor. "At least until I get back into Heaven. Then you can just fucking die. Won't be my problem anymore." He looked back up.

"Right." Lucifer wasn't sure how to respond. Adam was shockingly insistent for a man the Devil had personally screwed over on multiple occasions. In all honesty, Lucifer was just a bit surprised that Adam was observant enough to realize something was amiss. But why wait to have this conversation until after Charlie had left? What was the point? He would have had more leverage if he'd called him out publicly.

"So, what's the plan? What are we going to do to fix this?" Adam was still staring up at him, mismatched eyes intense and focused.

"There is no we." Lucifer was quick to oust the idea. "There is a you and a me with our own respective, tangentially related, problems. But that is where this ends. I have everything under control." There was no way in Heaven or Hell he was going to let Adam think any differently. The First Man already thought the Devil was pathetic, Lucifer wasn't about to provide him with any proof.

"Bullshit. If you had it under control your magic wouldn't be fucking up- in admittedly hilarious ways."

"Minor mishaps are nothing of great concern." Lucifer kept his expression and tone rather level. He didn't want to let Adam know he was on to anything.

"You don't make fucking mistakes with basic ass shit like summoning food or cleaning dishes. Like you are a terrible fucking bridge-troll, which honestly is probably insulting to bridge-trolls because at least they have some fun riddles. But you are good at magic. Like really fucking talented. This is shit you could do in your sleep. You don't fuck up like this."

"You really should work on your compliments, they're not as charming as you think they are." Lucifer's face stayed stoic as he watched Adam getting increasingly frustrated.

"I'm not complimenting you; I'm telling the truth. I'm the only one here who isn't constantly stroking your massive ego."

"The bridge-troll thing is the truth?" Lucifer arched an eyebrow. Adam let out a huge sigh, rolling his eyes with such ferocity his head moved with the gesture.

"You know what my point is."

"Do I?"

"Yes, you fucking do. You are just acting like a dick because you hate the fact that I'm right. But you can't just put this aside because you need your magic." Adam was weirdly passionate about this, given their history.

"I think you're overreacting."

"I don't think you're reacting enough!" Adam's hands clenched into fists again. "If something were to go wrong and I went crazy right this second, could you even stop me?"

"Adam, please." Lucifer forced a laugh, placing a hand over his chest. "You aren't that tough. I could stop you with one hand tied behind my back and blindfolded."

"Wanna bet?" Adam's voice went cold. His hands unclenched and his fingers flexed. He rolled his neck and shoulders.

"What the fuck are you supposed to be doing right now?" Lucifer didn't so much as flinch. "You can't force yourself to go feral, dumbass. That's not how it fucking works. And you haven't been a bitey little bitch in over three weeks." It was true, Adam hadn't had an episode in almost a month. It was a testament to the progress he had been making- despite Lucifer's insistence to the contrary. Adam's lip twitched, his body starting to go rigid. "Adam. Stop." Lucifer took a step back. Adam's eyes were starting to look unfocused. "Seriously, stop it." He could see Adam starting to hunch over, crouching down on all fours. "Fucking stop it, Adam!" He raised his voice, backing up again.

Adam let out a low growling sound before lunging forward. Lucifer yelped, jumping backward as Adam came charging toward him. He snapped, the glowing chains appeared on Adam's wrists and neck but to Lucifer's dismay, the shackles didn't fully clasp and Adam was able to jump from the ground toward him. Lucifer was not much for hand-to-hand combat when the playing field was even- but Adam was no Michael. Lucifer was physically much stronger and faster. So, when Adam came leaping toward him, he was able to get a clawed hand around his neck and pin him to the ground, slamming his head onto the top of the stairs. His horns were out, fire blazing between them, his tail thrashed wildly as he bared his teeth. Adam coughed as he hit the ground before giving a small, amused little smirk.

"I stand corrected. I guess you can still handle me. Of course, who knows how well you would have done if I had actually been having an episode.

"YOU WERE FUCKING FAKING!?" Lucifer had half the mind to just tighten his grip on Adam's throat to wipe that smug little smile right off his face. "I should kill you for that stunt! Do you know how dangerous that was!? I could have obliterated you into tiny bits of dust! You would have been atomized, you absolute fuckwit!" He was so upset his face was gold, he was, panting- not from effort- but from rage.

"Adam-ized?" Adam laughed and Lucifer let go of his neck with a fluid motion that also tossed him across the floor into the opposing wall. Adam gave a small "Oof" as he scrambled to get back to his feet. "I think we all can see that my point was made." He stood, dusting himself off.

"What point!? That you're fucking stupid!? Crazy!? That you have a goddamn death wish!?"

"That your magic is fucked up. So, now that it's been established, what's our next step? I think we should talk to some of the healing angels. You know Florence owes me a favor." Adam started walking down one of the hallways, but not toward his room.

"Where do you think you're going, jackass?" Lucifer hurried up the stairs after him- throwing Adam had sort of given him an unintentional head start.

"The workshop! I'm gonna call Heaven really fast!" Adam sounded remarkably sure of himself. "They can help you."

"Like Hell you will!" Lucifer managed to catch up with Adam's stride, grabbing him forcefully by the arm and spinning him around so they were facing one another. "I can handle this."

"No, you can't." Adam tried to pull away but found he couldn't. "Face it, we just don't have the resources here that Heaven does. But you know, you're still a big fucking deal up there- former Archangel and all that shit- they have to help. Trust me. I wasn't allowed to attack you."

"Okay, first of all: you did anyway. You literally came right for my daughter; we had a whole fight. You d-" Lucifer stopped himself. "And anyway," it was time to change that topic very quickly, "the reason you weren't allowed to attack me directly wasn't out of some sense of respect. It was because I would just destroy you."

"Sounds fake." Adam looked unconvinced. "Like I said, Heaven has to help. That's kind of their whole thing. You know? And Sera said she was going to tell Raphael everything. I'm sure he's already cooked up some amazing solution to cure us both." It was hard to tell if Adam's optimism was rooted in the genuine trust he had in Heaven; or if the stress of discovering Lucifer's situation was forcing him back into a delusion.

"That didn't happen, Adam. Raphael doesn't care. If he did, he would have called us back by now." Lucifer's grip lessened slightly. It was true, Sera had promised them that Raphael would be in contact when, and if, he was ready. However, Lucifer had burned his bridge with all four of the Archangels long ago.

"He's..." Adam's face faltered for a moment. "He's probably just busy. Listen, it looks bad, I get that. But it's Heaven." Adam pulled his hand away and walked into the workshop. He pulled the tarp off of the large mirror that Lucifer had used to contact Heaven. (He should have put the damn thing back in the West Wing, but he hadn't gotten around to it. He figured just covering the gaudy thing up with a sheet would be sufficient- out of sight, out of mind- but it seemed that choice- among many other things- was coming back to bite him.)

"He's not busy. He just doesn't care." Lucifer watched Adam looking into the glass. He was torn. He really might need help. But the idea of asking for it made him freeze in place. The way Adam had almost gotten the upper hand on him was still making his heart pound- and that had been faked. Adam was far quicker and more unpredictable when he was really consumed by the Corruption. If that happened again... if he couldn't stop him... Hell was already suffering as Lucifer felt his power drain. His fists clenched to try and stop his hands from trembling. He didn't want to look weak, but he couldn't risk Hell. Not when that meant Charlie could be in danger. "Okay, let's give Heaven a quick call." He took a deep breath and placed his hand on the glass. The mirror came alive with light and soon Sera's tall, towering firm could be seen on the other side.

"Lucifer." Sera took her seat across from him. "Adam." She nodded to each in turn, hands in her lap. "Two phone calls in only a few months' time, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"There's been a slight... hiccup here on our end." Lucifer kept his tone casual, waving going so far as to give a little chuckle as he downplayed the current situation. "Just need to talk to Raph, if you don't mind."

"Raphael is unavailable." Sera's reply was polite, but firm. Lucifer had heard it all before.

"I get that, but he will really want to know about this. And, I'll be honest, Sera, I know we're such amazingly good coworkers, but it isn't exactly something I wish to discuss with you." Lucifer gave his best, most charming smile to the Seraphim on the other side of the glass.

"I will let him know you called." Sera rea he'd toward the glass to hang up the call. Lucifer quickly sprang into action.

"Sera! Sera, Sera, Sera, let's slow it down, shall we?" This time his laughter was clearly more strained. "This is a matter of life and death."

"Sera, I accidentally bit Lucifer and now he's sick with what I have." Adam seemed to be fed up with Lucifer's elusive responses. Had Lucifer's magic had been functioning properly he might have zipped Adam's mouth by force- but given the current situation, Lucifer had to settle for shoving Adam aside and out of frame for the mirror.

"Excuse me?" Sera's expression did shift. She looked more serious, less distracted. She lowered her hand back to her lap. Lucifer straightened out the lapels of his coat, examining himself in the bit of his reflection he could see overlaid on Sera.

"It's more nuanced than that."

"You were bitten?" She sounded genuinely concerned. "Where?"

"Well, I fail to see how that is relevant-" Lucifer frowned.

"On the neck." Adam was the exact opposite of helpful. "You can see a bit of blood on his collar if you look for it."

"Hey, Adam, why don't you shut the fuck up for a second, okay?" Lucifer's lips drew into a thin smile as he started shoving Adam to the side again.

"What in Heaven's name were you two doing to get bitten on the neck?" Her eyes narrowed and Lucifer scratched at his neck, feeling judged under her gaze.

"Not sure what you're implying there, Sera, but I assure you I was simply helping Adam up after he had one of his super fun convulsive episodes. And anyway, the bite did seem to heal up, pretty much instantly. You know Adam isn't tough enough to do any real damage to me, I used to be your boss's boss." Lucifer played it cool.

"So, then there is no issue?" Sera sounded skeptical.

"A slight issue." Lucifer made a pinching gesture with his fingers to demonstrate just how small of a problem this was in the grand scheme of things.

"What is it then?" Sera was looking him directly in the eyes.

"My magic is a little... wonky, let's say? Sera, I'll be honest, I love you," he didn't. Lucifer tolerated Sera on a good day, "but this is really something I would rather discuss with a medical angel. So, if Raph is too much of a little bitch to talk in a professional setting, you can send Florence or Hippolyta in and we can discuss things further."

"I am the liaison for Heaven, you will talk to me." Her tone was a little sterner. "What happened? How did you get bit?"

"I want to talk to one of Raphael's angels." Lucifer's tone also got a little harsher. "This is important Sera."

"Which is why you must explain your situation to me. I am in charge of the contact between our realms. I will tell Raphael everything he needs. He was absolutely crestfallen to learn about Adam's Corruption."

"He was!?" Adam perked up. "Wait! What did he say?" He joined Lucifer at the front of the mirror, having to share the reflective space with him.

"He cried..." Sera's own expression wavered; Lucifer could see the tears in her eyes. "He swore he wouldn't rest until he found a way to Save you, Adam. To bring you back up here with us. Michael knows of all you have done for Heaven, and he is distraught about your fate. Hopefully the next Leader of the Exorcists will be more careful to avoid what has befallen you"

"Next leader?" Lucifer felt himself get angry. The very thought started to make his blood boil. "Oh no, no, no, no, Sera. There is no next leader. Adam broke the contract. Our deal is done."

"Done? No. Why would it be done?" Sera wiped the tears from her eyes as she looked back at Lucifer. His horns were still out from when he had fought Adam, his tail thrashed aggressively.

"Um, because Adam fucked up? Attacked my daughter? No Hellborns. That was the deal. Charlie is a Hellborn."

"Adam broke the contract. You have Adam. All is as it should be." Sera didn't bat an eye.

"The fuck do you mean all is as it should be?" Adam interrupted before Lucifer could get another word in. "You were just talking about how Michael is distraught over me?"

"Yes. Distraught that you would be so careless." Sera's face softened noticeably when talking to Adam, but to Lucifer it looked less empathetic and more like a tired mom who had to explain to her toddler why he was in time out. If Adam was offended by her tone, he should be. "You broke the rules, Adam."

"I was doing my job!" Adam was getting upset and that was the last fucking thing Lucifer needed right now.

"Adam, enough." Lucifer turned back to face Sera. "You don't have my permission to carry out the Exterminations any longer. The deal is done."

"They are not my project, Lucifer." Sera didn't bat an eye at his change in temperament. "You know that."

"Well, if Michael has fucking problem with it, he can come here and say it to my face this time." Lucifer didn't want to see Michael. But enough was enough. Charlie had been fighting off these Exterminations with her brilliant ideas and positivity. She had even gone on the front lines against Adam's hoard. He had to stand up for what was right, stand up for her sake.

"You should calm yourself," Sera's voice was calm, almost gentle, as she seemed unmoved by Lucifer's anger. "It could exacerbate your condition, and you are in no place to be making demands of us."

"Sera, you can't let the Exorcists come down here!" Adam was incapable of keeping his mouth shut despite Lucifer's command. "I can't let the girls see me like this."

"My child," Sera gave a sigh, her expression softened and she put her hand to the mirror glass. "My poor, Fallen Adam... the Exterminations were made for situations like this. You are putting Hell at risk by just existing..."

"W... what?" Adam took a step back, his voice cracked. Lucifer was even taken aback by the harshness of her answer. Adam was a fucking monster, sure, but he was on Sera's side. He was a loyal piece of shit.

"Look at what happened to Lucifer..." Sera made a sweeping gesture in Lucifer's direction. "He tried to help you, and now things are worse than before. You cannot deny that now, more than ever, the Exterminations are necessary, not just for the safety of those in Heaven, but for Hell as well."

"If I see one of your goddamn Exorcists on my soil," Lucifer could feel the intensity from the flames escaping his lips as he spoke, the air around him crackled with the heart, "I will fucking tear them apart, limb from limb. I stayed out of it the first time, as per our agreement- the broken agreement- but this time...?" His tail thrashed, striking the floor with a sound so loud he saw Sera jump in her seat. "This time, I am stepping in. And you have seen how your Exorcists fair against the King of fucking Hell." He saw Sera take a deep breath and slowly let it out, her shoulders relaxing as she looked at him through the glass.

"I mean this with all due respect, your majesty, but in your current state, could you even stop us?" Her reply was like a slap to the face. Lucifer was stricken, words seemed to get stuck in his throat as he looked up at her stoic gaze. "Of course we are happy to assist in any way we can, we do not wish death upon even you- however- before we assist, I feel it is necessary to renegotiate the agreement for the Exterminations."

"Fuck you." Words were finally able to claw their way out of Lucifer's throat. "I want to talk to Raphael."

"Raphael has the information regarding your plight and will speak with you at his discretion." Sera's voice was stern, cold. "You should be lucky he is willing to hear you out at all."

"Sera you kn-" Adam started to talk and Sera's eyes opened in her hair and halo, all of them looking directly at him.

"Adam, you have done enough. You served Heaven well, and for that we are grateful. But we never told you to break Lucifer's contract. I cannot keep covering for your mistakes. Whatever becomes of you... is your own fault."

"..." Adam went very quiet. Lucifer hadn't seen him look so small since he had walked on Earth.

"Fuck you, Sera. Fuck Raphael, fuck Uriel, fuck Gabriel, and especially fuck Michael." Lucifer was at his wits end. If the Archangels wanted to stay in their elitist little club, judging from on high while Hell suffered and collapsed- that was fine by him. They had made it very clear that they didn't give a fuck what happened to the damned the day Lucifer received the Order of Extermination complete with Michael's signature. "I don't need your help." He wasn't going to beg, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He was the Sin of Pride for a goddamn reason. He was creative, he was determined, and he was too fucking powerful to let this hinder him. "No new contract. I stand by what I said."

"Even you must be able to see that you need our help." Sera seemed unconvinced by his newfound determination.

"No. I don't. I was only doing this to humor Adam, maybe prove to him that you aren't as charitable as he thought. All these years and you still haven't found a replacement for me, I guess." Lucifer gave a small shrug, knowing he had hit a nerve. Back in the day, before his halos had shattered and his wings had been sliced by Michael's sword (they did grow back, thankfully, but they were never the same) Lucifer had served as the Virtue of Charity. (Maybe that was why he had agreed to house Adam, despite everything the First Man had done- no. Lucifer was doing this solely to uncover what had Corrupted Adam. Once that was solved, the First Man could be back out on his ass without a second thought- assuming he was no longer contagious.)

"These are serious matters. I am doing this to keep the souls safe." Sera did look taken aback by Lucifer's comment, it seemed dredging up his old job had gotten under her icy exterior. "Can't you see that?"

"No, not really." Lucifer kept his expression stoic. "If this is one of those: Heaven works in mysterious ways bits, it's reading more like: Heaven works in stupid, borderline psychotic ways. I hate to break it to you." Sera was getting frustrated, he could see it in the eyes in her halo, the way they were narrowing when they watched him. (Angels had a harder time masking the expression in their halos than they did concealing their feelings on their face.)

"If you are incapable of understanding why this is necessary then you are more forgone than initially feared."

"Or," Lucifer spoke up with an almost peppy tone, "hear me out: your plan is fucking bad and you should feel shitty for thinking of it." He grinned, snapping his fingers and making finger guns with his hands as he gave Sera a wink.

"If you are not going to take this seriously, I will hang up." Sera's face was completely stony, but Lucifer could see the anger in the glaring eyes in the glowing halo above her head.

"That's a little immature for someone your age, right?" Lucifer looked over at Adam who was still looking as if someone had let all the air out of him.

"I'm hanging up now, Lucifer." Sera reached her hand out toward the mirror.

"Sera! Wait!" Lucifer quickly called out to her. She stopped, looking at him expectantly. "You didn't take any notes during this whole meeting. How are you going to remember to tell the Archangels to go fuck themselves?" And with that, the call was ended. Lucifer let out a long breath and took a moment to sit down on the floor. He looked up at Adam who hadn't moved much since Sera had torn him down. "You good?" Adam didn't respond. "Hey fuckface, talk to me or I'm going to put the muzzle on you again." He could be a little gentler with Adam, but experience dictated that wasn't something Adam wanted.

"That fucking bitch." Adam's hands clenched into fists. "After everything I have done for Heaven, she just wants to leave me to rot!?"

"Speaking from personal experience," Lucifer drew his knees up to his chest, "No matter how much good you've done in the past, Heaven operates by a: one strike and you're fucked, kind of rule."

"This is bullshit." At least Adam was talking. He was clearly distressed, but if Lucifer could keep him focused, Adam shouldn't go feral. The Devil held up both hands as a show of understanding.

"Preaching to the choir."

"I just... UGH!" Adam let out an angry cry, Lucifer swore he could see moisture building up in the corners of Adam's eyes. Lucifer turned his head a bit so he wasn't looking directly at the First Man, giving him a bit of privacy. Lucifer knew how much of a letdown Heaven could be, he could empathize with Adam in this moment.

"If you want to just go apeshit on the Heaven phone, you can. You won't break it. It's indestructible." Lucifer waved his hand in the direction of the now-blank mirror. "Might make you feel better."

"I just might take you up on that." Adam let out another, angry, bitter scream and he marched toward the Heaven phone looking it up and down. "I bet I can break it."

"You can't." Lucifer watched as Adam examined the target. He saw Adam rear back, arm raised, putting all his energy into a swing- that might be a bad idea. "Don't break your fucking hand dumbass."

"Fuck you. I won't." Adam looked back in Lucifer's direction as he wound up the punch. "And most importantly: FUCK YOU HEAVEN!" He swung his fist forward and- "Wait! SHIT!" Adam's hand had slid through the glass as if it were water and the First Man ended up losing his balance and falling through the mirror, vanishing completely.

"Adam!?" Fuck. Where did he go!? Was the Heaven phone boobytrapped or some shit!? Lucifer scurried over to the inactive magical artifact. He could see Adam sitting on the ground of his workshop. By all accounts, Adam should be right in front of him, but he wasn't. He was in the fucking mirror. Lucifer's reflection was standing just to the side, beside Adam who was looking around at the reflected version of the workshop behind him. He spotted Lucifer's reflection before he saw the real thing.

"Did you fucking trick me?" Adam got to his feet, dusting himself off. "What is it? Like a reflective curtain or, like-"

"You weren't tricked. It's a solid mirror." Lucifer would have been impressed had this been literally anyone else (and perhaps on any other day).

"Bull fucking shit." Adam gave an exasperated groan. "You got me. The old fake mirror trick. I bet you think you're sooo smart and clever."

"The fuck is: the old fake mirror trick?" Lucifer took a moment to wonder if there was some awesome mirror related prank in Heaven that he had missed out on.

"I dunno, dude, I'm just pissed. I was already having a shitty enough day, and now you gotta pull this fuckery on me." Adam was still talking to the reflection of Lucifer. "And you don't even have the balls to look me in the eye, either. Wow. Just wow."

"Hey dickhead, turn to your left." Lucifer replied flatly. Adam turned his head. Seeing the real Lucifer staring at him from the other side of the mirror's glass. He jumped for a second before rolling his eyes, looking annoyed.

"Seriously? You shouldn't be dicking around making clones of yourself when your magic is jacked the fuck up."

"Dumbass, that's not a clone." It seemed Lucifer would have to spell this shit out. Adam must have used up all his brain cells on uncovering the secret of Lucifer's magic. "You're in the mirror."

"That just doesn't make sense." Adam poked the Lucifer beside him. Lucifer felt the pressure from Adam's finger on his opposing arm. "Did you fuck up another spell and trap me in here?"

"First of all, genius, I wasn't using any magic when you decided to one-v-one the Heaven phone."

"You said I could-"

"Shh shh shh shh sh. Let me finish." Lucifer was annoyed enough at Sera; he didn't need Adam adding to his frustration. (Fully Corrupted or not, negativity was like a catalyst for it.) "So, I didn't do anything to you. Which leads me to believe you might have just uncovered your Sinner power."

"Of fuck! For real?" Adam actually perked up. "I was starting to think my power was just my dashing good looks and my flawless powers of observation. You know, since I'm the only one who can see through your bullshit."

"It only took you several months." Lucifer was remarkably unimpressed. His powers were flakey and Adam picks this time to unlock his damn Sinner ability. Fucking impeccable timing. "I mean most Sinners figure it out in less than a week, but I guess everyone has to learn at their own pace." Most Sinners were probably forced to learn their abilities pretty quickly or risk being torn apart by their new surroundings. Not every damned soul had the luxuries Adam was gifted thanks to his deal with Lucifer.

"Hey, shut the fuck up." Adam finally got to his feet, looking around him. "So, I'm in here, now what?"

"How the fuck should I know? It's your fucking power."

"Can I get out?" Adam became slightly concerned.

"Probably not." Lucifer smirked. This was a nice distraction from his current issues. "It might be one of those Sinner powers that only works once and then traps you for eternity in a secret, second version of Hell. Double Hell, if you will." Adam was quiet for a moment and Lucifer felt as if he could almost see the man mentally piecing apart his comments. After a few seconds of complete silence, Adam finally spoke.

"You're fucking with me, aren't you?"

"No. I would never. This is a serious situation, Adam, I expect you to try and understand that."

"There's no such thing as Double Hell!"

"Of course you wouldn't know about it, it's a secret, I thought I made that incredibly clear."

"Come the fuck on," Adam put his hand to the glass and again fell through as if it were nothing more than water under his touch, landing gracefully on his face and giving the Devil a much-needed laugh. Lucifer picked Adam up off the floor.

"Did you have fun?"

"I touched mirrors before and I never went through them." As if trying to prove his point, Adam touched the glass. This time it was solid beneath his palm.

"I told you to go touch grass, Adam, not glass, do try and understand better when I'm insulting you." Lucifer patted him on the shoulder, shaking his head, his tone dripping with condescension.

"Why am I not going through it?" Adam was ignoring him. Probably for the best. Getting Adam worked up might result in him either going feral or falling through the mirror again and either way Lucifer was going to be responsible for fixing Adam's mess. (Though maybe leaving him in the mirror would be like a nice time-out. At least until Adam got a firmer grip on his abilities.)

"Probably because you're not in the right mindset? It's like any other magic, idiot, it's a learning process."

"I understood how to use my size-shifting abilities instantly when I was in Heaven."

"Yeah, because it's Heaven. I bet you understood how to send a fax too. And you didn't accidentally send important documents to a pizza restaurant rather than a diplomat."

"Okay, first of all- Heaven doesn't use faxes. We're better than that. And secondly- we both promised to never speak of that incident again."

"No, you promised. I just laughed." Lucifer was feeling a bit more like himself. Somehow the bickering was helping. "The point is, that shit is easier in Heaven because that's their whole fucking shtick. Come to Heaven, we have toasters that always make the perfect toast and Wi-Fi that's always connected."

"It's also high speed."

"Thank you, Adam." Lucifer sighed heavily. Adam took his hand off the glass, looking the mirror up and down before turning to Lucifer.

"It doesn't matter. They're fucking pricks anyway." Adam's reply was surprising, to say the least. But Lucifer knew Sera's words had hit him hard. (Though, there was some truth to them, it was not going to help for Lucifer to point that out.) "They're gonna be so fucking pissed when we fix your magic without their help. Then we can tell Sera to suck our dicks!"

"I take it you're still mad about the phone call?" Lucifer appreciated the enthusiasm, though he would never admit it. All the talk of Heaven had inadvertently gotten Adam back on the topic the Devil was hoping to drop.

"Of fucking course!? Like, you are fucking terrible and deserve bad shit, but this wasn't because of something you did. There's nothing divine about this. It's not justice." Adam folded his arms over his chest. Lucifer could see the signs of distress. Sera had a history of making Adam flip, and Lucifer couldn't afford another incident. Not like this. "This isn't how I wanted to kill you."

"You really do need to work on your inspirational speeches. I'm dead serious." Lucifer was a bit bemused by Adam's rant. If the First Man had truly wanted him dead, he would have made an attempt by now and he certainly wouldn't be bending over backwards to try and find a way to fix his only effective attack.

"Hey, shut up. I'm trying to save you, dickwad." Adam looked annoyed by Lucifer's amusement. "If Sera's gonna be a massive, frigid bitch, then maybe we break into Heaven and fucking egg her house. I know where she lives."

"So do I. But there is no getting inside Heaven." Lucifer knew that from experience. Their forcefield was quite impenetrable. If they did not want you in, you wouldn't be getting inside. Plus, he doubted his direct routes in would be available now that Sera knew he had been bitten. (Despite the fact that he doubted he could pass on the Corruption given that he was far more capable of fighting it off than Adam, he didn't blame Sera for not wanting to take the risk. She had Heaven to protect, and at the end of the day she was just Gabriel's errand girl. She couldn't take any risk that he didn't approve of.) The only other way to get to Heaven was through... "...huh..." Lucifer paused for a moment, deep in thought.

"Huh?" Adam was either repeating him or simply hadn't heard what Lucifer had said. "You look more scheem-y than usual. You have an idea."

"Maybe." Lucifer tapped his cheek with his clawed finger, deep in thought. "Also, scheem-y isn't a word."

"It could be, you don't know." Adam scoffed. "So, what's the plan? We set her mailbox on fire? Smash all her windows? Kidnap Emily and slowly poison her against Sera until eventually she steals Sera's position and casts her out of Heaven to forever walk the streets of Hell knowing she was destroyed by someone she truly loved?"

"Wow." Lucifer blinked, slowly turning his head to look at Adam. "That got really fucking dark, dude. You need to talk?"

"No. Why?" Adam waved off the concern. "Was that your plan? I nailed it, didn't I?"

"No. No, you did not." Lucifer wasn't sure if his expression could portray the concern he was feeling in the moment. "Also, I was just thinking about Purgatory."

"What about it?"

"Raphael has texts in the Archive in Purgatory. I have a few of them, but I was rushing, I probably missed some." It was a long shot, but it was better than just sitting around waiting for the problem to solve itself. If nothing else, he might be able to sneak into Heaven on the ferry. But that was a last resort as Heaven's defenses were rock solid. Maybe he could bring Adam along, it might not hurt to see if anything in Purgatory jogged his memory, Lucifer might find an answer to how Adam had gotten Corrupted. That would be worth a phone call from at least Uriel who would want it for documentation purposes. Then Lucifer had a better shot at negotiating for Raphael to fix him.

"There's an Archive in Purgatory?" Adam sounded more surprised than he should have, given he had flown through Purgatory on many occasions.

"It's in the city."

"Oh, yeah that makes sense. I wasn't allowed to fly over the city, for... obvious reasons."

"Yeah, I can see why." Lucifer had to agree that an army of angels swarming overhead probably would panic the processing souls. It also made sense as to how Adam might have come across something he shouldn't. Areas outside of the city were incredibly dangerous, not just for the risk of getting lost for all eternity, but all sorts of creatures could wander the woods that surrounded the winding, ever-changing rivers that comprised the realm between. "Well, the Archive is in the main city. Hopefully, Raph decided to put some actually useful information in there for once in his fucking life." If anyone needed to know about the risks Corruption posed, it would be those in Purgatory.

"So, when do we leave?" Adam seemed accepting of the idea. It was bold of him to assume Lucifer was bringing him along. He was but Adam had no way of knowing that.

"The sooner the better. If we wait too long, Sera might get the same idea and steal all the good shit and hole it up in Heaven." Lucifer took a deep breath. He didn't love the idea of dragging Adam along, but it was necessary. (And if Adam annoyed him too much he could always "forget" him in Purgatory. Then he'd be Jezebel and Jazeerael's problem.) "I suppose I have to tell the staff I'm leaving."

"We're leaving." Adam corrected.

"You can only come with me if you're going to be on your best behavior." Lucifer gave a small smirk. It was a pointless stipulation, as he knew it was physically impossible for Adam to have good behavior, but he could still get a reaction out of him, and that could provide him amusement for his trip.

"I'm always on my best behavior. Cause I'm the fucking best." Adam's attempt to reassure him failed on all counts.

"Adam, lying isn't really helping your case." Lucifer's expression was stoic.

"Hey!"

"Anyway, we should begin to head out." Lucifer walked toward the exit of the workshop. He reached the hallway looking around, "Syn! Staff meeting!" He had no idea where Syn was in proximity to him, but he assumed she would show up. She always seemed to know when he needed her. He wasn't sure if he had programmed her with that ability, but he would take credit regardless.

"MASTER!" Sure enough, she came zooming around a corner.

"Syn, good to see you. Where is Lysander?" Lucifer tried to keep his tone professional, which was a bit hard when he had to look at Syn's giant googly eyes. (Fucking Adam, decorating his invention.)

"Lysander has been notified and is on his way!"

"Very good." Lucifer was quiet for a moment. "And good work today, Syn, with Charlie. I think you made a good impression on her."

"I did!?" Syn did a little flip in the air. "Hurray! I like Charlie! I can see why you cry over her continuously! I will cry over her too!"

"That is really not necessary." Lucifer replied quickly. Charlie was already concerned enough without Syn bursting into electronic wails whenever she stepped into another room.

"Okay!"

"Oi, boss, what's this about?" Lysander came meandering in not long after Syn. Though he seemed to be in far less of a rush. He had his hands in his pockets, his tail swishing lazily behind him.

"Welcome back, traitor." Lucifer's eyes narrowed a bit. Yes, Lysander was right about Adam's food being delicious, but his loyalties should have been firmly with Lucifer. There was no excuse.

"I voted for the best food, boss-man. All I did was follow the instructions you gave me. If anything, I was extra loyal. And Syn's the problem."

"Master! No! I am never the problem! Only the solution."

"Damn, she has a good point." Lysander looked oddly at ease for an employee who had voted against the man who decided his paycheck. (Well, okay, Syn technically decided the paychecks, but Lucifer's word was law as far as she was concerned.)

"I have to step out. Adam is coming with me because he's not fully housebroken and I don't trust him alone with my things." That seemed as good an excuse as any to drag Adam along behind him. It would at least fool Syn, and Lysander probably didn't need an explanation. The good thing about the intern was that he didn't seem to give a flying fuck what Lucifer was doing so long as he got paid.

"Hey! Fuck off." Adam gave an annoyed pout. "I have to go with him for important reasons, FYI."

"While I'm gone," Lucifer was content to ignore Adam, he'd be having to deal with him enough on the way to Purgatory. "Syn, you're in charge."

"Hurray!"

"Ah fuck, again?" Lysander made a big show of looking defeated. Syn did a little flip in the air and Lucifer had to try his best not to laugh as the googly eyes spun wildly. "One day I'll be left in charge. Just you wait, Syn."

"Never." Syn replied in a sing-song voice as her lights flashed in a variety of colors. "Please take care, Master! I do hope Adam is housebroken soon!"

"Syn, he's making shit up." Adam's pleas fell on deaf ears- or lack of ears, as Lucifer had not made her ears in a traditional sense.

"Be good in my absence, I will be home before you know it." Lucifer took off his hat, giving it a flourish. "Come along Adam. We have places to be." He headed down the stairs as Adam trailed after him. Syn and Lysander seemed none the wiser about the current events that weighed heavily on Lucifer's mind. That was for the best. Syn had made contact with Charlie now, and the last thing he needed was Syn to find a way to call Charlie and tell her all about her father's magical issues.

"Goodbye Master!" Syn followed him all the way to the door. Lucifer gave one last wave and turned to face Hell before him.

"Well, I guess I'll have to carry your ass to Purgatory since your wings don't work." He closed the doors to the house with his tail. Adam was staring at him looking even more annoyed.

"I'm not gonna let you carry me. That's fucking embarrassing." His arms were crossed over his chest, and as if proving his point, his wings popped out and fluttered. Lucifer looked him up and down.

"I mean, prove me wrong, I guess." Lucifer did want to hurry, but it wouldn't take long for this to all sort itself out. He relaxed against the door as Adam started flapping his wings. He let him keep trying, the wings pumping madly as Lucifer checked his phone. He sent Charlie a little message explaining how much fun he had at their impromptu family dinner. He looked up to see Adam still very clearly on the ground. "You done?"

"No, I-" Adam looked rather frustrated as he jumped up in the air, wings fluttering as quickly as he could force them. He fell right back to the ground. He let out a frustrated scream before just sighing in defeat. Lucifer almost found himself feeling sorry for the Fallen First Man. He had been on the ground, wings torn off, letting out an angry cry to the Heavens once before... he could relate.

"Come on, we'll be so fast that no one will see you." He wanted to say more, but the words just wouldn't come.

"Whatever." Adam remained sitting in the ground. Lucifer bent over and lifted him up with ease. Adam weighed nothing compared to Lucifer's strength. Adam didn't really react to being lifted; Lucifer had to look down at him to be sure he didn't have that glassy look in his eyes. He seemed fine, just upset.

"Let's go." Lucifer spread his own wings out. He took to the sky, holding Adam tightly so he didn't drop him. He headed toward the very top of Hell, that invisible barrier that separated the Sinners from any hope of Salvation or peace. As he started to get close to Purgatory's entrance, his wings started to slow down. He felt a wave of fatigue wash over him so suddenly he had to stop racing forward, and simply hovered in the air, trying to catch his breath.

"Are you okay?" Adam was looking up at him.

"Yeah. Fine." Lucifer certainly hoped he didn't sound quite as winded as he felt, but judging from the lack of conviction in Adam's expression, he probably failed in that matter. "What?"

"Your neck is bleeding again."

"It's nothing. It just... happens sometimes..." Lucifer's wings were starting to feel heavy. The heat of Hell's climate, which usually didn't bother him, was beginning to feel stifling. Lucifer was slowly starting to lose altitude.

"It's not nothing. I don't want to be dropped." Adam wrapped his arms around Lucifer's neck, trying to stabilize himself. Lucifer was actually starting to feel the weight of Adam in his arms. This was, to put it lightly, not a great development. He could leave Adam behind, but even flying the several hours to Purgatory's main city would be nearly impossible in his current state. He couldn't risk collapsing in some unknown location. They would never fucking find him.

"I have a better idea." Lucifer landed for a moment, catching his breath, dropping Adam back on his feet. "You move way too fucking much for me not to drop your sorry ass. So, we'll just have to take the boat." Hopefully Adam bought his excuse.

"The boat?" If Adam didn't believe him, he was keeping his thoughts to himself. "Is that actually a possibility?"

"Yeah, I've ridden it before. It's a little slower, but that way I don't have to worry about you trying to bite me again." That was also a major concern for Lucifer. If Adam went crazy mid-flight and Lucifer was lacking in the magic department, his options would be: dropping Adam or getting mauled. Neither was a particularly great choice, though he would prefer the dropping to the mauling.

"As long as I don't have to wear the fucking muzzle again." Adam seemed to accept the change of plans without much question. At least one thing was going well for Lucifer today.

"Not unless you really piss me off. So, watch your mouth." Without warning, Lucifer scooped Adam up in his arms once more and took back to the sky. Their next destination was much closer, so, though his wings felt like cement trying to push through Jello instead of air, he forced himself to continue. The flew toward the red sun, stopping just beneath it. Lucifer waved his hand and the sky above them shimmered. Lucifer flew through the shimmer onto the other side. The heat was temporarily even worse and Lucifer was hit with the sound of human souls screaming. Ah fuck. They must have just dropped off a load of passengers.

"Oh God..." Adam covered his ears.

"Give it a second." Lucifer didn't like the sound either. He turned his head so he wouldn't have to watch the souls plummeting from their luxury boat into the realm of torment below. Lucifer was at least able to stand on a very small dock that was floating above Hell, invisible to those below it. Above his head was a massive, ostentatious cruise liner the likes of which humans would only dream about while on Earth. It was, sleek, a beautiful white with black and gold accents and every amenity a human could imagine on board. However, it was currently upside-down and all the passengers who had, moments ago, been partaking in the best parties and niceties in this life and the next, were now being flung out to their final destinations.

Finally, there was silence.

"I... is it over?" Adam looked up; his hands were shaking. Lucifer was a bit taken aback by how affected he seemed. He had always kept a rather cold exterior to the Sinners that he slayed during the Exterminations. Surely, he had heard his fair share of horrified shrieks. So why did he look so... queasy?

"Should be." Lucifer walked along the doc, looking around for any of the boat staff from Purgatory. He knew Jezebel wouldn't be on board, but the rest of the boat staff were already automated, so he should be able to flag down at least a cleaning crew member before the boat took off. He saw movement on the ship and immediately took off toward the deck. There was a member of the crew in her uniform dragging out a screaming soul and throwing it down below. Lucifer felt Adam tense at the sound.

"Enjoy your stay!" The crewman gave a little wave as the Sinner plummeted down, past the dock and into the fiery pits below. She was able to walk with ease on the upside-down deck, unphased by the gravity of Hell as she started to wipe away the desperate fingernail marks in the deck where souls had tried to cling to the boat as the realization of where they were had hit.

"Crewman, I need to board this vessel." Lucifer wasn't sure how to address the woman cleaning. The automated crew didn't have consistent names. They would only ever use human names when dealing with souls, and thus were subject to change depending on the soul with whom they were dealing. The Hell-Liner's staff were made to be beautiful, head-turning, and to feed into any vice the Sinner had. They would keep Sinners from paying attention to where they were headed, and thus, they were a little more interactive than the automated shop keepers in Purgatory city, or fucking Port Gatory, since apparently, they were all in on that new name.

"I am sorry, but all passengers must be dispatched before returning to the Port." She didn't turn to look at him.

"I'm not a passenger. I'm Lucifer."

"One moment please." She went quiet, staying very still. Lucifer wondered for a moment if she was broken. However, she started moving again, looking him up and down. "Lucifer Morningstar: Accepted Passenger." Good. At least something had gone right today. He would only need to stay in the air until he could get inside his personal cabin (he had one for when he wanted a more leisurely travel with the family. The way back to the Port was quite a nice ride, it was just the ride down that was a crowded party with an absolutely horrible end). The crewman looked at Adam, reaching toward him and grabbing him tightly by his robes. "I am sorry, Sinner, but you are destined for eternal damnation! Please vacate the premises."

"Ah!" Adam grabbed more tightly to Lucifer.

"He's my guest!" Lucifer quickly pulled away from the crewman. Of course she would try and throw Adam back out. He was a Sinner. To her he was no different than the souls they'd just deposited. She went quiet again, frozen in place.

"My apologies! Would you like to be escorted to your personal cabin?"

"Yes. Please." Lucifer's wings were exhausted from flapping, he couldn't get inside soon enough. The crewman turned and began walking toward the doors that opened automatically as she approached. Lucifer followed her in. He jumped as two more crewman passed them, dragging a shrieking Sinner along the floor.

"I DON'T FUCKING BELONG HERE!" The Sinner was trying desperately to get a hold of something as the two, beautiful, smiling members of the ship staff (one male, one female) were dragging him toward the door.

"Our records indicate you do belong here! Any complaints can be brought up to our public relations department. Please enjoy your stay!" And with that the doors slammed shut. (Lucifer could actually tell that man did, in fact, deserve to be in Hell. But he wasn't going to say anything. He could let the boat crew do the job they were programmed to do.) The woman helping him came to a sudden stop. She picked up a phone off of the wall, pressing a few buttons and holding it to her ear.

"Attention crew! We have a special guest on board for our return. King Morningstar will be partaking in his usual accommodations with a new guest. The guest is a Sinner. Please be sure not to throw him off! Thank you, and continue to clear the ship for our swift return to Port Gatory!"

"Not loving the please try not to throw him off part of that." Adam was still holding to Lucifer, eyeing the crewman with a suspicious gaze.

"Here!" She reached into her pocket pulling out a red bracelet and grabbing Adam by the wrist, sliding it over his hand. The bracelet instantly tightened to fit. "Wear this and it will register you as an authorized guest!"

"You had better just stick close." Lucifer put Adam back on his feet now that they were inside. They were walking on the ceiling for now, but the gravity would shift soon enough. He just had to wait for them to set sail. "I don't want them to throw you off."

"Yeah, I got that." Adam was looking around with a disturbed expression. The ship was currently in a state of disarray, a bunch of expensive items all tossed around in a blind panic. It wasn't exactly the most inviting scene, especially after their poorly timed entrance. (But it was necessary. The Hell-Liner didn't stick around for all that long before it took off.) Lucifer and Adam were led deeper into the ship, constantly passing members of the crew who would stop, examine the two, and then get back to work. It was incredibly unsettling for someone who wasn't accustomed to the boat. They eventually reached an upside-down room: Room 999, though that wasn't currently how the designation appeared. Their crewman opened the door and Lucifer hurried inside. It was a large, fancy cabin, with a beautiful bed, large windows that currently looked out at Hell, a massive bathroom complete with a hot tub, and a kitchen stocked with the finest delicacies imaginable.

"Thank you." Lucifer turned to their guide. She never lost her smile as she gave a little wave.

"Enjoy your stay!" And with that she shut the door.

"Do I just stay on the ceiling...? Or like... how does this work." Adam looked at all the many luxuries in the room that were currently above his head.

"The boat flips back over." Lucifer assured him. It was a little... strange being back in his suite. He hadn't been in here since he had taken Lilith and Charlie on a family vacation to the Port. The room held a lot of good memories for him... and some bad ones too... being here with Adam felt... almost like a betrayal.

"Greetings Hell-Liner! Please ready the cabins to set sail as we are cleared of souls and are heading back to Port Gatory!" There was a male voice over the speaker. It was definitely different than Jezebel's usual spiel. There had certainly been fewer jokes. Lucifer still couldn't believe the ship had become fully automated.

"Don't hang on to anything, just relax." Lucifer instructed as he took his own advice and laid out on the floor.

"How am I supposed to- AH!" Adam was launched upward as the ship turned back over. Lucifer landed gently on the bed; Adam hit the carpet face first. Lucifer snickered, okay, that had helped him feel a bit better. "Owwwww." Adam slowly sat up, gingerly rubbing his nose.

"I told you to relax." Lucifer laid back on the bed, looking up at the ceiling. This was definitely going to take longer, and being stuck on a trip with Adam wasn't exactly ideal, but here they were. The lighting in the room changed as Hell vanished and the bright blue sky and beautiful rivers and forests of Purgatory took its place. The sunlight made the golden wall ornaments sparkle, casting golden stars across a white ceiling. It was beautiful, relaxing, as it was supposed to be as Lucifer had helped in decorating his, personal suite. He heard Adam get up and he turned his head to see the first man go to the window, looking out of it, hands against the glass. Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "You've flown through here before, you know."

"It looks different from ground level." Adam retorted.

"Careful not to fall in." Lucifer snorted.

"There's a fucking window, dumbass. I'm not going to break it." Adam beat his palms against the glass to prove a point about the sturdiness.

"That mirror was solid too, you know." Lucifer rolled onto his side to get a better look at what Adam was doing. It was best to keep a close eye on him, given this was probably where he was first Corrupted. Adam pulled his hands off the glass, stepping back, away from the window.

"That can happen? I thought it was just mirrors..."

"Who's to say?"

"You know I've touched mirrors before in Hell and that never happened. Not once." Adam seemed rather proud of the fact that he had touched mirrors. It seemed like a bit of a weird flex to Lucifer, but he could let Adam have it.

"I know. You told me. And like I said earlier: Magic is linked to your emotions; it takes a bit to master." Even Lucifer, who was born with knowledge of how to use his gifts, still needed to train. Adam hesitantly put his hands against the glass again. He scrunched up his face, pushing his weight into the window. Lucifer sat up on his elbow. "What are you doing?"

"Focusing my emotions." Adam replied, his cheek squished against the glass. Lucifer squinted back at him.

"Constipated isn't an emotion, Adam, it's a medical condition."

"Listen here you fucking baked bean sac of-AH!" And mid-insult, Adam fell through the glass again. Lucifer didn't really want to get up, but he felt like he should. So, he hopped to his hooves and walked over to the window to see Adam getting up and brushing himself off. Lucifer did have to admit, he was curious about the limitations and possibilities of Adam's Sinner power, as he hadn't come across one like it before. It made sense for Adam to be powerful- he had been powerful in Heaven. Lilith had been incredibly strong as well. They were the first humans, those not made through traditional means. They were, technically, magic from the beginning, just not in a traditional sense. If there was more to Adam's ability than just falling on his face inside reflective surfaces, Lucifer wouldn't be surprised.

"Good news. We figured out that it's not just mirrors." Lucifer clapped his hands together in a small applause. Adam glared at him from within the window.

"Thanks. I got that."

"I had to be sure." Lucifer smirked. Adam rolled his eyes and walked toward the bed in the reflection, sitting down on it. Curiously, Lucifer looked behind him at the real bed. He could see the faint indentation of where Adam was sitting in the reflection. "Hey do me a favor, pick the pillow up off the bed."

"Why?"

"Fucking humor me."

"Whatever." Adam grabbed the pillow, Lucifer watched as the pillow was lifted up off the bed, he could even see the fabric wrinkle under Adam's claw-like nails. The Devil walked over and waved his hand around the pillow where Adam would have been. Nothing. He couldn't feel a thing. "Oh, fuck do not turn away from the mirror, that is so fucking creepy."

"Is it?" Lucifer had no frame of reference for what Adam was seeing on his side.

"You look all blacked out like some kind of fucking... well I was going to say like a fucking monster, but I mean... you're the Devil... so... you know... moot point."

"You are really gunning for my feelings, aren't you?" Lucifer wasn't actually all that bothered by Adam's comments. His insults had become less biting over time, or maybe Lucifer was just becoming number to them.

"Look, you can't see things from in here; when you turn away from the mirror you look worse than usual."

"Probably because you can only see what's reflected." Lucifer turned his head so part of his face was visible. "You were denied access to my beautiful face, for that I apologize."

"You know what? I take it back. I was overreacting." Adam stuck his tongue out, looking disgusted. Lucifer was amused to see even his tongue was split down the middle in black and white. "I miss the no-face version of you already."

"Don't get an attitude with me." Lucifer was more amused than anything. He had a theory, and now was the perfect time to test it out. So, he moved his body so he was blocking the pillow entirely from window's view.

"Hey!" Adam let out an annoyed cry and Lucifer watched the pillow fall to the floor. "Dude, you made part of the bed disappear too. Fucking asshole." Lucifer could see the indentation of Adam scooting farther up on the bed. He felt pressure on his arm and turned his head to see Adam was pulling on his reflection.

"Don't do that."

"Wait," Adam let go for a moment. "Can you feel that?"

"Maybe I just don't like you getting your dirty hands all over my pristine image." Lucifer wasn't sure how much he wanted to divulge to the First Man. It didn't matter, it seemed Adam had figured things out on his own. Lucifer felt pressure on his cheek, watching as Adam started poking his reflection in the face. "Don't do that." Lucifer moved his hand so the reflection would bat Adam's hand away. It wasn't as successful as he wanted. In fact, Adam didn't seem to feel Lucifer as intensely as Lucifer could feel Adam, which would be great for combat if Adam was at all a reliable fighter. Perhaps it was best to not allow Adam to hone these abilities until Lucifer was in a better condition to counter him. "That's enough."

"Hang on, I'm learning." Adam put both hands on Lucifer's face. "It's hard to touch you, but I can." He moved his hand and in one swipe Lucifer's hat fell to the floor. Adam started to laugh. Lucifer didn't appreciate how the situation was starting to spin out of his control. He needed to get Adam out of the fucking window. He made an attempt to shove Adam but it didn't seem to have much of an effect. Adam pushed back but this time Lucifer didn't budge. Even if they weren't face-to-face, Lucifer was still stronger.

"Adam, stop."

"You started it."

"I'm still stronger than you. I can kick you out of there. And I will."

"Bullshit." Adam tried to shove Lucifer again, he could feel the pressure of Adam's hands on his chest, but then the pressure was gone. And so was Adam.

"Adam!?" Lucifer ran to the window. Where the fuck had he gone!? That was when Lucifer noticed his reflection wasn't running. It was standing there staring rather blankly at the Devil who had briefly been panicking.

"What?" Lucifer's reflection spoke, in Lucifer's own voice. Oh fuck no.

"Get out of there, right the fuck now."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Hey, wait..." Adam took a confused look around. It was a bit uncanny for Lucifer to see his own reflection moving independently. He could do that on his own with magic, but knowing Adam was piloting his image didn't exactly leave a great taste in his mouth. "Where's your reflection?"

"Just get out."

"..." Adam looked at himself. "Oh. Wow. I do not like this."

"And I do!?" Lucifer tapped on the glass. "Get out of there."

"Maybe I don't want to."

"You can't, can you." Lucifer's eyes narrowed. Of course. Adam was just learning about these abilities. He didn't even realize he could go in Lucifer's reflection. It made perfect fucking sense that he wouldn't have any idea how to get out. Lucifer took a deep breath. Magic could solve this easily, but he needed to avoid using it if at all possible. So, in the absence of magic, logic would have to suffice.

"Of course I can. I just enjoy seeing you annoyed." Adam was smirking with Lucifer's face, and somehow made Lucifer's perfectly handsome features look obnoxious. That was a crime so egregious the Devil was surprised that Adam wasn't struck down where he stood by some sort of divine, or unholy, justice. Of course, Heaven didn't give a shit about him, but they didn't really give a shit about Adam either, so the idea of punishing him for his transgressions against Lucifer's image should still hold some water. But Heaven wouldn't step in. They only made themselves available to make Lucifer's life worse. No. He would need to fix this himself. He took a deep breath and walked out of the bedroom into the bathroom, disappearing from the mirror completely. He could peer around the corner and see Adam had returned to normal.

"Fixed it."

"That's cheating!" Adam put his hands to the window glass from the other side. He couldn't see Lucifer, though the Devil could see him. Adam looked thoughtful for a moment before he seemed to have an idea. He turned and ran to the right side and completely stepped out of the narrow field of view of the room's reflection. Lucifer wasn't exactly sure where Adam had gone, but he wouldn't admit it.

"You know if you hide too well, I can't help you get out when you inevitably get stuck." Lucifer mused.

"Won't be a problem." Adam's voice came from behind him. Lucifer could feel a hand on the back of his head. He jumped and whirled around to see Adam in the bathroom mirror. So, he could go between reflective surfaces nearly undetected. That was a fucking terrible turn of events.

"I think you've had your fun." Lucifer walked over to the mirror, careful not to let his reflection fully overlap with Adam, less the Sinner find a way inside it again. He tapped the glass. "Time's up."

"Make me."

"Okay." Lucifer grabbed a towel, tossing it over the mirror.

"Hey!" He heard Adam's voice protest, but he was already grabbing more towels to drape over any reflective surface he could find. He started to cover the window when a hand popped through it, trying to pull the towel back down. Lucifer grabbed the inky, black wrist- Adam's skin on that side was surprisingly cold- and he pulled the First Man back out into the room. Adam was holding half of the ornate little end table that sat right in front of the bed. It must have been all that was visible at the time Adam was pulled out. Lucifer finished covering the window as Adam examined his half-finished piece of furniture. "Killjoy."

"No, she's a news anchor. I'm a king." Lucifer snatched the bit of the end table Adam had brought out of the mirror, holding it by the leg. So, he could also bring stuff out with him. Fan-fucking-tastic. The implications of that were increasingly horrific the longer Lucifer thought about them. As far as the Devil could tell (he was wearing gloves, after all) it did feel like the smooth marble from which the original table had been carved. He squeezed it hard and it vanished. Well... at least what Adam brought with him didn't seem to be super durable.

"You're a buzzkill." Adam corrected.

"No, you're being careless." Lucifer finally looked back at Adam. "What happens if you can't get back out? What happens if you get overwhelmed and aggressive while you're in there? I'm at a disadvantage. I can stop you, sure, but with my magic being as unreliable as it is right now, I could just as easily fucking kill you."

"... oh..." Adam went a little quiet again. "I uh... I didn't think about it that way."

"No. You didn't."

"Fine, no more jumping into stuff. But can you at least uncover the window? I want to look outside." Adam seemed to accept Lucifer's logic, which was a relief as he had no desire to chase Adam through a rather reflective ship.

"I don't trust you." Lucifer went back to sit on the bed.

"We can shake on it." Adam offered out his hand. Lucifer hesitated, but took it.

"Fine, but if you jump into the window, I get to keep your third born child."

"... Seth?" Adam blinked. "Why the fuck are you going to single out Seth?"

"Because I already have Cain, and Abel's been through enough, don't you think?" Lucifer moved their hands up and down in a shake.

"Oh! Cain! I have to tell him I won!" Adam dropped Lucifer's hand and began fumbling with his phone.

"You talked to Cain about the competition?" Lucifer walked to the window, pulling the cloth off. The deal had been made, whether Adam was aware of it or not. Lucifer didn't actually want Seth, but he knew Adam wouldn't dare to fuck around if his kids were involved. "And he didn't hang up on you?"

"I mean... he did... but the conversation was kind of over already..." Adam sounded pleased. "We're making progress."

"I guess." Lucifer didn't know if he should comment. If Cain was pushing Adam to try and purge his Corruption, Lucifer didn't want to crush that hope out of him.

"Oh, fuck yeah! He sent me a thumbs up!" Adam seemed as excited as Lucifer did every time he got a text from Charlie. "We're practically back to our old relationship!"

"That's good to hear." Lucifer didn't feel like destroying his spirit. Cain was never much for texting, so Adam was probably about to be left on read. But the Devil had already ruined Adam's exploration of his powers, he wouldn't put any more of a damper on his time on the boat.

"And he stopped responding..." Adam's face fell.

"He's probably just busy." Lucifer had also been on the receiving end of Cain's inability to text back. "You know, there's a lot to do on this boat. You should enjoy it. There's a club with all the drugs and alcohol you want; there's a casino, there's even a luxury spa... there won't be any lines since it's just us."

"Eh, that stuff sounds lame as shit." Adam was looking at his phone still. "I think I'm fine just staying around here. I mean, what am I going to do? Party with the automated staff?" He had a point. The automated staff were also probably busy cleaning the ship. Adam sighed heavily, putting his phone away and going to look out of the window.

"Don't you dare jump in the reflection or I get to keep Seth." Lucifer reminded him as he sprawled out on the bed.

"I won't, but for the record, I never agreed to those terms."

"Record actually states we shook on it. I would pull out your contract to show you the addendum, but I'm taking a break from magic right now." Lucifer put his arms behind his head, closing his eyes. "I'm taking a nap, don't run off."

"Literally where would I go? I'm on a fucking boat."

"If you could think of a way to make me more miserable, I'm sure you would." Lucifer cracked one eye open to look at Adam who had walked over to sit in front of the massive window, watching the trees zoom by as the boat sped through the deceptively peaceful waters of Purgatory. "Which begs the question..." Lucifer bit his lower lip, something had been bothering him since the cooking competition. "Why did you take the fall for me with Charlie?"

"The fuck are you talking about?" Adam didn't bother turning around to face him.

"With the ducks... you told Charlie you put them there as a prank... why?"

"I dunno, assfucker, maybe I just don't like to see parents fail in front of their kids..." Adam's words were harsh, but his tone was a whole lot less self-assured than usual. "I mean, you're a goddamn disaster, but like, Charlie doesn't need to know that."

"Oh." Was that genuine empathy? Lucifer almost couldn't believe it, coming from Adam. "Well..." he closed his eyes again and relaxed on the bed. "Thanks."

"Don't get used to it."

Lucifer hadn't meant to fall asleep, he had only been joking about the nap, however, when he opened his eyes again hours had passed and he was in the room alone. Lucifer sat up, pinching himself to make sure he was truly awake- his dreams had been more realistic as of late. He was. But that didn't explain where Adam had run off to. Lucifer looked around for a moment and noticed a sticky note on the window.

Went to the deck to look at the water. Get Fucked. And there was a small drawing of Adam flipping both his middle fingers up. Lucifer was amused to see that Adam had actually drawn his Sinner form. (He wasn't a bad artist, surprisingly.) There was a second note underneath. PS: I didn't go through the window; I took the stairs. You don't get to keep Seth. Eat shit.

A truly charming man, that Adam. Lucifer crumpled the note and tossed it in the trash as he headed to the upper decks to make sure that Adam, in all his infinite wisdom, hadn't accidentally flung himself off the ship. It was a little annoying. Lucifer had told Adam to stay close. Though, hopefully, the wristband was enough to deter the automated crew from launching Adam into the sea below. If that fucker ended up in the water, Lucifer liked to think it was by his own stupidity.

"Greetings Lucifer!" each of the staff would wave to him and smile as he passed them by, but they were occupied with returning the ship to its spotless glory. He headed through the lavish hallways, up the ornate, stairs, and found his way to the deck. It was massive, there was a huge water-park sized series of pools and slides that he assumed were of no interest to Adam, simply because they didn't seem to be running at present. He wandered along the deck until he found Adam at the bow, arms draped over the railing, looking out at the water. Lucifer blinked, looking him up and down.

"We must be close." Lucifer walked to his side, leaning over the railing next to Adam, looking out over the crystal-clear water. It was deceptively deep, and there were all sorts of creatures that lurked underneath that shimmering surface. Usually, the beasts below wouldn't bother the boats, but Jezebel had given reports of a few incidents here and there where the boat had taken a hit. (How were the automated staff at dealing with such incidents? That was actually a good question.)

"How can you tell?" Adam glanced over at him before returning his gaze back to the water. Lucifer pointed to Adam's hands as they dangled off the railing.

"Look."

"I'm normal colored!" Adam looked at his fingers, wiggling them excitedly. "I look like an angel again!"

"You look like you did when you were alive." Lucifer reached up and waved a hand over Adam's head. "No halo." Adam ran to the window to look himself over. He was back to his living form, mismatched eyes, one green one blue (Lucifer always joked that Raphael and Michael couldn't come to an agreement on the color of Man's eyes so they fucking both just picked one- egotistical assholes had to leave their mark), brown hair, skin that was all one tone. Even his sharp teeth and nails had vanished. Adam covered one eye with his hand and frowned.

"I'm still blind in one eye..."

"Wel yeah, this is all an illusion. Purgatory City- or fucking Port Gatory, that's what they're calling it now, just so you know- can't have you in your Sinner form running amok with the unprocessed souls. You'd freak them out."

"And they let you walk around with your face?" Adam scoffed.

"Fuck you, I'm beautiful."

"I like: Port Gatory. It's kind of clever." Adam walked back to the edge to look out over the water once more.

"You fucking would." Lucifer narrowed his eyes. He could see Adam staring out into the water once again. He was a bit surprised to see him so enthralled. He had lived in Eden and spent most of his eternity in Heaven, Purgatory's blue skies, clear water, and green plant life were pretty, yes, but they shouldn't be anything special. "You really like it out here, huh?"

"It reminds me of Eden..." Adam had his cheek in his hand, watching as the water rushed past the sleek, painted sides of the boat. Lucifer smiled a bit. This was reminiscent of Eden, in a way. So long as you avoided the creatures that roamed the labyrinthine forests and rivers.

"Yeah, it's kind of a nice change from Hell..."

"And I can hear singing from under the water..."

"What?" Lucifer's smile instantly faded. He saw Adam looking down into the water more intently.

"I couldn't hear it in the room, but I hear it out here. I can't understand what they're saying... but it's beautiful..."

"Let's get inside." Lucifer took a hold of the back of Adam's robe, pulling him away from the railing. There was nothing good in the water. And anything that was singing to Adam was a bad fucking sign. (Especially because Lucifer couldn't hear it.)

"What? Why?"

"The boat is about to arrive; we don't want to be in the way."

"We're almost there?" Adam looked back toward the water but Lucifer pulled him inside the nearest door. Once it was closed Adam stopped struggling to look back. "You know? All in all, it's not a bad boat. It's just the destination that sucks."

"Yeah, I guess you never got to ride it, huh? Falling kind of skips this part." Lucifer felt relief wash over him as Adam seemed to lose interest in the water. "Come on, I'll show you around."

Lucifer was able to fill the remaining time by navigating the absolutely massive vessel. He hadn't been on it in some time, a few things had changed, but most of it was still the same. Adam seemed the most interested in the spa, but before they could partake in any of the luxuries offered, there was a soft ding from overhead.

"Attention Hell-Liner crew! We are now approaching the port! Please be sure your area is spotless as we have a full boatload awaiting us!"

"Awesome. We're here." Lucifer was less pleased about the apparent "boatload" of Sinners that were going to be literally dropped on him as soon as the ship returned to Hell. He wasn't surprised but that didn't make things any easier. He really did need to go over the food numbers with Cain again. The population was growing at an exponential rate. (At least it was in the Pride Ring). "Now, we're going to be surrounded by unprocessed Souls, so try not to call me anything Devil related while we're near them. Some of them are probably going to end up in Hell and I don't want to be associated with you." Lucifer straightened his bowtie. (It didn't really matter as the souls wouldn't remember their time in Purgatory, but that didn't mean Lucifer wanted to risk it.)

"I mean, if you think about it, you're the stain on my image." Adam retorted sounding amused.

"Right." The boat came to a stop and Lucifer began to head toward the exit. The doors were opened for him and he stepped onto the loading bridge. He could see Sinners lined up to take their final ride. He looked the other way, holding out his arm to stop Adam. "You don't hear any more singing do you?"

"Singing?" Adam looked confused by the question. "I mean there's a group of people doing an absolutely terrible rendition of Bad Romance in the line over there." He lowered his voice. "Lady Gaga did not deserve to have that done to her work; I can see why these guys are ending up in Hell." Lucifer snorted at the response. Port Gatory was safe, that was its appeal. Adam should be fine here. Plus, they weren't going to be long. This was an in-and-out mission. Hopefully they came across something that could jog Adam's memory, but if not, it wasn't a huge loss. That was a bit of a long shot anyway. Then again, so was this whole fucking mission. It was funny, if Lucifer didn't know any better, he'd think that he, the Devil was actually feeling hopeful.

"Right, let's head to the Archives."

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 17: Family Dinner [Part 1]

"Did you really have to do that to Syn?" Adam was looking up at the closet, thankfully distracted from whatever the fuck he was trying to do to Lucifer's neck. 

"Yes." The Devil put both hands on his hips looking at the closed closet door. "Syn, you are going to stay here and be very quiet. Got that? It's a fun new game!"  

"Hurray! I am good at games!" Her voice was slightly muffled by the closet but she was still clearly audible.  

"Yep. So, I know you'll be great at this! It's the quiet game!" Lucifer insisted. He liked Syn, really, he did. She was good company when he was wallowing in his own misery. However, despite her cheerful and friendly persona, she was a liability. The last thing he needed was for Charlie to show up and Syn to replay all the drunken text messages Lucifer had sobered up enough not to send. Syn wouldn't do it out of malice, either (which somehow made it worse) but rather out of a genuine conviction that she was just doing her job. No. Syn was not ready to meet his daughter.  

"That feels kinda mean." Adam had his arms folded over his chest, looking at the closed door. Lucifer was standing on his right side, so Adam’s expression was a bit hard to read through the inky darkness of his Sinner complexion.   

"When did you start giving a fuck about what's mean, asshole? You are literally a murderer. Does my putting a 'sentient trashcan', as you so eloquently called her, into a closet cross some sort of line for you? Like: slaughtering Sinners is a-okay but inconveniencing Syn? That's too fucking far. Now you suddenly have a moral conscience!" As Lucifer was ranting, Adam turned his head to look directly at him, making it easier for Lucifer to read his expression.  Adam looked... concerned? No that was probably a trick of the light. Lucifer squinted for a moment, yeah, no Adam just looked annoyed.  

"Sinners are one thing, but Syn hasn't done anything wrong. Other than vote for you.  Actually... why do I care? That's kind of a good point." Adam patted his hand against the closet door. "If you had voted for me, this wouldn't have happened."  

"Master likes to win! I like to make Master happy!"  

"And you staying in here will make me very happy!" How was Lucifer being guilt tripped by a virtual assistant? Nope. He couldn't let Charlie know anything about how he had been since her mother had left. He had to be strong to at least his daughter. "It's only for a little bit."  

"Yes Master!"  

"And you," Lucifer turned to Adam, "don't you have something to clean? Like... every inch of this goddamn house because it will be a cold fucking day down here before I let Charlie see her childhood home in disarray."  

"Yeah, no. I gotta make something fresh for Charlie. I'm not giving you the advantage by having your food be hot and fresh while mine's been sitting out. The pancakes would be soggy, and even the princess doesn't deserve that."  

"The house, Adam." 

"Magic it clean, fucker." Adam flipped the middle finger as he started backing away. "Cause that ain't my problem."  

"It's your actual job, dickmunch! You are the fucking maid!"  

"We both know I'm not." Adam continued to walk away. Lucifer was in a bit of a panic. He could magic the house into some semblance of cleanliness... except... he couldn't. His magic had been acting all out of sorts since... well... since Adam had fucking bit him. Thus, had happened once before, just once- prior to Adam’s arrival. But once Adam actually Fell everything had gone back to some semblance of normal. Which made sense. As much as Lucifer hated to acknowledge anything about his past in relation to Heaven, he had been an Archangel.  On some level, before Adam had actually arrived in Hell, Lucifer had been sensing him. While he was not the Morning Star any longer, he had retained enough of his angelic nature to make him the most powerful being in Hell. Hell was connected to Lucifer in the same way he had once been connected to Heaven. And when something threatened it, Lucifer would become aware, very quickly. The little blip with his magic that Cain had witnessed, was more... self-inflicted. Lucifer was stressed, burdened by a sense of dread that came from knowing something was wrong and being unable to pinpoint what exactly it was. In the end? It had been Adam's (literally) toxic ass tossed from Heaven, infused with a dark, ancient sort of magic the likes of which Lucifer had not seen in an Angel since he and those narcissistic fuck-faces known as the Archangels had been on good terms. (Not since he had to lead them honestly and that was an entirely different disaster.)  

But this time?  

This time things were consistent.  His magic was getting... weaker. He had seen that stupid fucking bite heal up with his own eyes but he would still find flecks of gold on his collar after a particularly grueling day. Even something as simple as summoning food was starting to become a struggle. He couldn't be weak. He was the King of Hell, goddammit. He was the only thing stopping Hell from falling apart. Sure, it was insufferable chaos, but Charlie had fallen in live with it- and it was their home. Maybe Lucifer had taken too much of a risk by not just killing Adam the moment he realized what a risk he posed. However, the idea that Adam had gotten Corrupted while technically being in Heaven, hinted at something far worse on the horizon. Lucifer had no choice but to spare Adam, he was the only lead he had. (It had nothing to do with empathy, surely, it was a matter of pure logistics. He was the Devil, after all. And Adam was a cruel monster. A cruel monster who had helped Syn decorate herself.)  

Fuck. Lucifer didn’t have time for an existential crisis! Syn had that scheduled for tonight at nine. He had to get the mansion I shape for it to be passable for Charlie! At least the areas she would see.  

"Lysander!" Lucifer burst into the dining area where Lysander was eating the pancakes off of Syn's plate- at least the ones Adam had made. Wow. Rude.  

"Yo." Lysander looked like a deer caught in the headlights, eyes wide, fork hanging out of his mouth, as Lucifer came sliding in at full speed.  

"You need to clean!"  

"Clean... my plate? I already did. I also ate all the bacon.  Like... all of it."  

"No. Also, you didn't eat the bacon I made." Lucifer looked a tad annoyed. "You never had a problem with my food before."  

"Yeah, but like, I know Adam’s making more and I am kinda saving room."  

"His cooking isn't that good."  

"You didn't even taste it." Lysander gestured to Lucifer's untouched plate.  

"I don't eat peasant food." It was the only excuse Lucifer could think of. "And Adam probably poisoned my plate."  

"It's not poisoned with anything but victory." Adam came sweeping in carrying a plate of fresh bacon that smelled incredible. Lucifer could tell it wasn't real meat and that just made it all the more tantalizing. "Does Charlie have dietary restrictions?"  

"No. But she won't like your cooking. It looks... terrible." Lucifer looked at the plate, the food looked... fine. It certainly didn't have the commercial quality appearance of Lucifer’s food. But the aroma alone was making his mouth water, which he wouldn't admit. "And you need to be cleaning, not cooking."  

"Not doing that." Adam walked back toward the kitchen. Lucifer followed him. He couldn't risk using magic to make everything perfect this close to Charlie arriving.  If he fucked it up, his daughter would be concerned about him and he did NOT need her stressing about anything else right now.  

"Listen here, fuck-face, you're the maid whether you like it or n-" 

"QUACK!" There was a loud, booming quack as soon as Lucifer followed Adam across the threshold into the kitchen. Quackers started hurtling toward him going right past Adam who was mixing something in a bowl.  

"Are you fucking kidding me!?" Lucifer managed to jump back across the doorway into the dining room. Quackers stopped just shy of the doorframe.  

"Quack quack quack quack quack!"  

"I made you, you goddamn traitor." The Devil narrowed his eyes at his rogue security duck. Once he was certain that Quackers wasn't going to go any further, he held one of the swinging double doors to the kitchen open in order to glare at his invention. It was important to reiterate how upset he was that Quackers allowed Adam to run amok in his kitchen. It was funny, almost, that Lucifer actually spoke every language known to animal, man, or extraplanar being- it was something he had retained from his former Archangel status. However, he had no fucking idea what Quackers was saying.  It wasn't even real quacking. It was just the word. 

"Is this guy bothering you, Quackers?" Adam walked over, mixing bowl still in one arm.  

"Quack."  

"Here." Adam grabbed the door from Lucifer's hand and started pulling it slowly closed. "I got you, dude."  

"Are you fucking serious, right now?" Lucifer could have easily gotten the door back open with raw strength alone, as Adam was no match for him. However, he could foresee Quackers spitting fire into his face, and while that wouldn't hurt him, it would be inconvenient for Lucifer to have to explain a scorched floor to Charlie. "You're a shithead, I hope you know that!" Lucifer shouted through the closed door. Fucking Adam wasn't worth the dirt from which he had been sculpted. Right. Back to his original plan. "Let's get your ass up Lysander."  

"Me?" He stopped, mid bite (of Lucifer’s pancakes, from the looks of it). "Fuck that. I'm security. Not my job."  

"Your job is what I tell you. Right now, it's helping move ducks out of the Hallway from here to the door." Lucifer clapped his hands together. Lysander looked at the food on the plate, then back at Lucifer, clearly considering his options.  

"Do I get extra pay for this? Because it's not like it's my mess. I'm a clean guy." While this was true, it was also irrelevant. Lysander didn't create the majority of the mess, if any, since the disaster that had consumed the mansion predated Lysander's arrival.  

"What if I just fire you?" Lucifer narrowed his eyes.  

"You wouldn't." Lysander seemed oddly confident in himself for an intern that Lucifer had only hired as a drunken mistake.  He was good at his job- or at least good enough that Lucifer hadn’t really developed and complaints during his internship- but the point was that he was really just some rich Hellborn's sympathy hire. (Was Lysander even getting any benefits from being here if he was just a future recipient of nepotism? It's not like his resumé mattered.)  

"And why is that?"  

"I keep Adam entertained."  

"Hey shitlord," as if on cue, Adam burst out from the kitchen covered in flour. "Do we have an ETA on Charlie? I want to make sure the food is fresh as fuck when she gets here."  

"Shut up Adam." Lucifer was still looking at Lysander. He sighed. "Tine and a half for all the time you spend cleaning."  

"Deal." Lysander held out his hand and the Devil begrudgingly shook it. Adam looked between the two for a moment.  

"I feel like I missed something, but I also don't give a shit. So do we have that ETA?"  

"Lysander's extra pay is coming out of your paycheck, so I would at least pay some attention." Lucifer smirked as Adam’s face fell.  

"Oh, come the fuck on! I can't clean AND cook, asshole!"  

"Not my problem. You're the maid."  

"That's not fair I-" 

"That's Hell, bitch!" Lucifer clapped his hands together. This could be salvaged, assuming Charlie took her sweet time to get to the mansion. He wanted to be sure she was impressed, not just by his cooking, but by how well he was doing. So long as she didn't stray off the beaten path (just the dining area, the foyer, and the hallways between), she should see her father as the perfectly healthy, well adjusted, and mentally sound King and dad that he truly was. He wasn't concerned about Adam spewing his usual bullshit about how Lucifer was weak and depressed because Charlie would never believe anything from Adam. Also, could a depressed guy make all those ducks? No. (But Charlie really shouldn't be exposed to all the ducks. They were not ready for her yet. She might get the wrong idea.)  

Adam returned to the kitchen and Lysander was cleaning up the mess oh the table first. Syn really had splattered sauce everywhere when she was trying to eat her pancakes. Maybe Lucifer should actually give her a mouth at some point.  Or at least arms. She was a pretty good assistant, but having real limbs might help her do better. When that was all done, then maybe Syn could have a proper meeting with Charlie. She was still a far cry from the Metatron, but it wasn't as if his daughter would have any frame if references.  Hell would freeze over a thousand times before Lucifer would allow his daughter to be face to face the that unfeeling, robotic bitch. If he could do one thing in his damned existence it would be to protect Charlie from the hurt he had suffered. She had brought a light back to his life that he thought had long ago been snuffed out; he wanted that light to grow, to shine, until one day Hell would be the paradise Lucifer had tried desperately to recreate. He wouldn't let Heaven get in the way. Not this time.  

He hadn't been helping Lysander with the cleaning for long before there was a knock on the door. Fear struck him like a thousand bricks as he looked desperately around. No. Nothing was out of place. Everything looked fine. Maybe it wasn't as perfect as Lucifer usually liked, bit it was passable.  So, he took a deep breath and ran to the main doors, throwing them open. "Charlie!"  

"Hey dad!" She smiled, leaning in to give him a hug. He eagerly squeezed her back. His daughter could make all the stress melt away in a moment- though it would return a thousand-fold the moment she let go. "It's good to hear from you!" 

"And it is always great to see you, my little apple pie." Lucifer pulled back but still held to both his daughter's arms. "Thank you so much for coming. We are in need of someone with good taste."  

"Okay?" Charlie looked down at him she was quiet for a moment as the two just stared at one another. "Can I come in?" That's right, Lucifer was standing directly in the doorway blocking Charlie from entering, physical holding her arms.  

"Oh, of course." He laughed stepping aside. Come in, come in!"  

"I will admit I was a bit surprised at the invitation.  I'm curious about what point I am supposed to be proving." Charlie stepped inside, looking around. She seemed happy so far. Perfect. Lucifer was nailing this interaction.  

"You just have to eat two plates of food and tell us which one you like better. It's okay to be honest " Lucifer started to lead her toward the dining area. "I know my food is literally the taste of your childhood," Lilith was a hit cook, "and that I am guaranteed to win."  

"A cooking competition? Really?" Charlie seemed amused by the idea. "I'm surprised Adam cooks..."  

"I mean, if you can call the charred shit he puts on the plate food..." Lucifer gave a forceful laugh.  

"Is it that bad?" Charlie sounded surprised. 

"I liked it." Lysander spoke up as he rounded the corner, feather duster in hand. "Hence why your dad wants a second opinion."  

"Oh!" Charlie turned quickly to face the intern. "It's you." Her eyes quickly shifted to the feather duster in his hand. "You're... dusting? I thought you worked security."  

"I wear a lot of hats." Lysander gave a shrug. 

"Dad, why did you fire all the staff? I have actually been meaning to ask you about that." Charlie turned her attention back to her father.  

"Eh, they were annoying me." Lucifer gave a dismissive, noncommittal response. "Distractions, really. I never was much for being interrupted." He waved away the question. "And now Adam is technically in charge of cleaning. So, you know that's going nowhere." (Adam had actually node quite a bit to make parts of the mansion presentable, but Lucifer would be damned again before he would ever admit it to Charlie.)  

"I'm not sure why you would expect him to help with... anything." Charlie admitted.   

"I don't. But it's funny to tell him he's my maid now. He hates it." Lucifer chuckled to himself.   

"How is Adam doing on the redemption exercises I taught him?" Charlie continued walking as Lysander went back to dusting.  

"Terrible. But that's not on you, crabapple." He assured his daughter quickly. "He's just a shitty human, but we're used to that here in Hell. And if anyone can get him out of my hair and make him Heaven's problem, it's you." He took Charlie by the hand, giving her a loving squeeze. "I believe in you."  

"Awwww, thank you dad." Her whole face lit up at the compliment and Lucifer felt as if his entire soul was lighter, the weight of his past was meaningless under the radiant smile of his child. Charlie was the gift that Hell didn't deserve.  

"Buttering her up prior to the competition is cheating, you know." Adam came from the kitchen with two plates of pancakes. One was Lucifer's that he had summoned, the other was the lesser pancake Adam had baked. He put both plates down at the head of the dining table before vanishing into the kitchen again.  

"Take a seat Char-Char!" Lucifer quickly scrambled to pull the chair out for her. The dining room looked clean. Though the massive table did feel rather empty with only himself and Charlie. Not that the few family dinners felt any better in recent years with Lilith and Charlie almost at opposite ends of the table from him. The memory made his heart sink again. Lucifer shook himself before taking the seat beside Charlie. He wasn't going to miss the opportunity to have a meal with his daughter; destroying Adam in a competition was just the cherry on the cake.  

"Bacon and eggs." Adam came back out, holding more plates of Lucifer’s food and his own. "I have vegetarian bacon if you prefer on this plate." He looked over at Lucifer. "I just put out the food you already summoned. If you re-summon it now, she'll know which is which and that will be cheating."  

"I mean, summoned food stays hot and fresh forever so it's not even a problem." Lucifer really didn't want to try and summon food again, especially in front of Charlie, given how the last attempt had been such a fucking disaster.   

"We made orange juice, but is there anything else you want to drink?" Adam ignored his comment, looking back at Charlie.  

"Orange juice is fine, thank you." Charlie was far too polite for her own good. Adam vanished back into the kitchen again. She watched him go. 

"He is doing much better." She seemed quite pleased. "He didn't insult either of us. I feel like he wouldn't even have asked me my juice or dietary preference when he first got here."  

"He's not being nice; he's trying to win. Big difference." Lucifer didn’t want to rain on Charlie's parade, but at the same time it felt crueler to let her get her hopes up about Adam. 

"I still think he's improved." Charlie looked at the food in front of her. "It all smells so good. I am actually pretty hungry."  

"Two glasses of juice." Adam came back down, slamming the glasses on the table. "Let's do this." He sat in the seat across from Charlie.  "Honest opinion."  

"Right." She nodded; her expression serious. Lucifer hated to admit he might actually lose this if Adam had real cooking skill. It was unlikely, since something as mundane as cooking would probably be beneath the First Man's suffocating ego. Charlie looked at the food for a moment before taking a bite of Lucifer’s. "It's so good!" She smiled contently.  Then she took a bite of Adam’s.  Her eyes widened and she swallowed her bite. "Holy fuck that tastes incredible." Holy fuck indeed. 

"HA!" Adam jumped up from his seat so quickly Charlie almost spit out her drink in surprise.  

"You made that!? Adam, it's delicious! I had no idea you knew how to cook." She was so sweet and polite to a man who really didn't deserve her kindness.  Lucifer frowned. How could Charlie think Adam's shitty food was delicious? Was she Corrupted? No. That was impossible. He would never let her even have the opportunity to be in a situation where she could have gotten it. Plus, she was his daughter. She was probably immune like he was- and he definitely WAS immune. No stupid flecks of blood on the collar would say otherwise.  

"Yeah, Evie hated cooking with a passion. She used to tell me She would rather give birth again than cook." Adam laughed at the memory. For a moment Lucifer could see traces of the good man Adam once was underneath all the hate and vitriol. Outside of crass and crude comments about his (alleged- though Lucifer doubted their veracity) sexual exploits, Adam hadn't really voiced any interest in any kind of hobby. And The Devil had certainly never seen the newly Fallen's face light up the way it did when he reminisced. "I actually found I enjoyed it. I remember when I told Evie she actually grabbed my face," Adam put both hands on either side of his cheeks, squishing them, "like this. And looked me dead in the eye and she just said: 'Trade you for the rest of eternity. You cook. I clean up.' And that's how we did it."  

"Evie, you mean Eve?" Charlie seemed amused by Adam’s story.  

"I called her Evie..." Adam’s smile faltered for a moment. Lucifer cleared his throat to cause any sort of distraction. He wasn't sure how much of a sore spot Eve was for Adam. (He couldn't imagine it was a topic he would want to discuss with the daughter of the man who screwed them both over. No. No. Lucifer had helped. It was Heaven who was in the fucking wrong.) The last thing he needed was Adam to get all biting and growling at the dinner table.  

"I call bullshit on this food being good." Lucifer's voice seemed to snap Adam out of his thoughts. Probably for the best. The past was a terrible place to dwell. "First of all, look at it. It's all... you know... bad looking."  

"Is that seriously the best insult you have?" Adam raised an eyebrow at him, or maybe he raised both. It was so fucking hard to tell with the coloration of his skin and hair.  

"I mean, I could do better but I feel like your food is insulting enough on its own." To prove his point. Lucifer picked up one of the pancakes with his fork and let it flop sloppily down on the plate.  

"You're just mad you lost." Adam scoffed. Perfect. Adam was back to his intolerable self. That meant Lucifer's distraction had been a success. Which was good in the sense that Charlie was safe, but it sucked because Lucifer had to deal with Adam's shitty personality.  Constantly.  As if Hell wasn't bad enough.  

"No. Charlie is just being nice because she is an absolute treasure that you do not des-" Lucifer's rant was cut off by the most exquisite pancake he had tasted in a long time. Apparently, while he was talking, Charlie had cut a small piece of the pancakes Adam had made, and put them on her fork. While Lucifer was explaining the situation, Charlie had taken the opportunity to shove that piece in his mouth. He sat quietly for a moment chewing the food, savoring the flavor. Holy fucking shit. Adam could cook. Lucifer swallowed, staying quiet for a moment longer before giving a quiet, "Oh." Adam's face would have been split in half with how wide he was grinning.  

"Get wrecked."  

"I mean," Lucifer recovered quickly, "it's fine, I guess." He took a piece of the vegetarian bacon. God fucking damn it. It was excellent.  Even the goddamn orange juice tasted better than what he had summoned up.  

"I will take my golden cookware now." Adam relaxed back into his chair looking so smug one might have thought he had won the entire war between Heaven and Hell.  

"You bet him golden cookware? This isn't a repeat of what happened in Georgia, is it?" Charlie looked back over at her dad. 

"No! And also, I won that. It's just that humans love an underdog story. It wouldn't have been nearly as popular if they kept the original ending where I kicked Johnny's ass and now, he plays in Lu Lu World for me weekly." Lucifer huffed, grabbing the plate and begrudgingly starting to eat the pancakes Adam had made. "And you know what else they left out of the song? Johnny was a serial killer. Yeah. That doesn't get a mention, does it?" Adam and Charlie exchanged glances.  

"You're just mad you lost." Adam replied flatly. Charlie put her hand on her dad's shoulder.  

"Hey, think of this as a good thing! You helped Adam rediscover something he enjoyed! That could be a great step toward Redemption!"  

"Can it?" Lucifer failed to see the connection.  But he trusted Charlie. Though, maybe he was thinking about this all wrong. Adam was an excellent cook, on par with Cain. But Lucifer's had to pay for Cain's cooking. Adam’s labor was free. "Very well, Adam," he finished the pancakes, tapping his mouth with a napkin. His back was straight, his posture regal and commanding. "You have won the right to cook for me whenever I command it."  

"Ex-fucking-scuse me?" Adam's eyes narrowed.  "I want my shitty golden cookware."  

"You will get it," Lucifer waved off his annoyance. "And you will use it to prepare anything I want. I deem your audition worthy of serving me."  

"Wait. The fuck are you talking about. This was a competition not a fucking-"  

"Congratulations, Adam.  Charlie, why not give us some celebratory fireworks?" Lucifer smiled to his daughter whose whole face lit up.  

"I love making fireworks!" Charlie raised her hand and the air around Adam came alive with glittering lights of celebration as he sat staring blankly at Lucifer. (He was glad. Charlie had decided to do the light show, he didn't want to risk using his magic and more than necessary. Plus, anything to make his daughter feel more included.) 

"I won. I beat you." Adam was staring right at him. 

"Yes. You did." Lucifer nodded his head. "Hence all the fireworks. Not sure how you missed that."  

"Why do I feel like I lost?"  

"Why indeed?" It was Lucifer's turn to smirk. Perfect. Through his clever interpretation of events, he still came out on top. The way it should be. "Charlie, what are you doing, golden delicious?" Instantly, Lucifer's attention was on his daughter who was starting to get up from the table.  

"Oh?" Charlie seemed surprised by the suddenness if his reaction. "I was just getting more juice." She held up her empty glass in her hand.  

"Nonsense.  Sit, sit." Lucifer tugged on her arm pulling her back into the chair. "Adam can get it for you, since he is the one who made it."  

"Adam can what now?" Adam spoke up.  

"Go get my daughter some of your delicious juice. I would summon her some, but you know how much better the handmade stuff is supposed to be." Lucifer did not want Charlie to get more juice. The juice was in the kitchen, and the kitchen was a fucking minefield because of Quackers.  Charlie did not need to meet Quackers.  That would raise all kinds of questions, the answers to which Lucifer wasn't ready to divulge.  He didn't have the desire to spend the time on the necessary self-reflection to explain why the fuck he made Quackers and what had gone wrong with him. Lucifer locked eyes with Adam across the table. The First Man opened his mouth, he looked ready to say something, but decided against it.  

"Dad, maybe try saying please?" Charlie was still holding her glass, looking as if she would really rather just get the juice herself. Lucifer couldn’t allow that.  

"Say what now?" He was a bit surprised by his daughter's comment.  

"If you want Adam to make improvements in his own behavior, it could help to set a good example." Charlie kept her tone cheery but firm. "We all know he probably had shitty ones in Heaven."  

"Y... yeah." Lucifer didn’t want to think too much about Heaven. "But Charlie, apple pie, it's Adam."  

"People, even people we don't like," Charlie visibly cringed looking over at the Fallen First Man, "deserve some amount of respect."  

"Is Adam people? Have we made that executive decision?" Lucifer's face fell a bit. Charlie frowned. 

"Dad."  

"Come on, Char-Char, you know how much he sucks." Lucifer gestured toward Adam who snorted at the comment. "Oh, shut the fuck up."  

"You know what?" Charlie sighed, shaking her head. "I can get my own ju-"  

"Adam, can you please refill Charlie's drink?" Lucifer was stumbling over his words with how fast he said them. If having to show basic politeness to Adam would jeep Charlie away from Quackers, it would be fucking worth it. Adam met his gaze, taking a long, purposeful drink from his own glass while wearing a smug expression that only made Lucifer want to strangle him. 

"Why yes, I can do that." Adam slowly got to his feet, offering his hand out toward Charlie who handed him her cup. "Thank you for asking so politely." He was laying it on really thick with the fake politeness.  Lucifer's expression soured.  

"Thank you, Adam." Charlie smiled at him, though Lucifer could still see the mistrust in her eyes when she looked at him.  The Devil wished he could make it easier on Charlie, not expose her to the man who has caused Hell so much heartbreak. But Charlie had a will one thousand times stronger than his own and was able to look the monster in the eye and say thank you. He envied her. 

"You are welcome, Charlie." Adam was still using over-the-top politeness in his voice to rub the situation in Lucifer's face. But both Morningstars seemed content to ignore him. He took the glass and vanished back into the kitchen.  

"He is getting better..." Charlie was watching as Adam took his leave. 

"That's all thanks to you " Lucifer reached over and squeezed her arm. "You are making so much progress." More than she would ever know. Adam was not just getting better emotionally, but Charlie's efforts were helping what was left of his humanity claw its way through the toxic Corruption that was trying to consume the very soul of the First Man. "You should be canonized as a fucking Saint for putting up with him. You know that right?" Charlie laughed and Lucifer felt a genuine smile light up his face.  

"It's not easy, and I promised Vaggie the moment he fucks up she gets to kill him."  

"That's fair." Lucifer would have to give his future daughter-in-law something nice to compensate for all of Adam’s bullshit. "I have some old weapons you could use."  

"Stuff you kept? From Heaven?" Charlie looked genuinely curious. Lucifer felt his heart sink into his stomach. She would ask him about Heaven from time to time. Not often, and his noncommittal answers probably deterred her from pushing too much. He could feel his smile start to falter a bit.  

"Well, no. I didn't really get to keep anything. Not like they gave me a 'Your damned forever' gift basket. Just some swords and shit Carmilla has found."  

"O-oh." Charlie's face fell a bit. Lucifer faltered for a moment.  It wouldn't hurt to at least give her a little something.  She just wanted to know about him. That wasn't a crime. It was flattering, actually, it's just that Lucifer was content to keep his past buried far away from Charlie.  

"I had a bow."  

"A bow?" Charlie perked up.  

"Yeah, I made it myself. It was this big, gold and white bow," he made the gesture as if drawing back a bow string. "And I would use it to shoot stars into the night sky."  

"Thay sounds amazing! Can I see your bow!?"  

"I... don't have it anymore." He had to pick his next words carefully. "They took it from me." That was more or less what had happened, minus the gory details.  

"Dad, that's so sad..." Charlie reached over, wrapping her arms around her dad, and giving him a hug despite the awkward angle. Lucifer hugged her back, squeezing her tightly to him.  

"It's okay. I don't need it. I have everything I ever needed right here."  

"Wow. That is sappy even by holy standards." Adam was back, and it was like the room lost a bit of its light. Lucifer let go of Charlie as Adam put the glass in front of her. "I had to make some more.  Sorry about the wait."  

"It's fine. Thank you." Charlie smiled before taking a sip. "Why don't I help you either the dishes?"  

"Oh Charlie no." Lucifer couldn’t catch a break. His daughter's good heart was constantly trying to get into the kitchen.  Unintentional, though it was, Lucifer found himself struggling to find ways to keep her from uncovering the kitchen secrets. This had sounded much easier in his head. Why couldn't reality meet expectation just this one time? "You don't have to do that. We have a maid."  

"Adam cooked, it's only fair I help clean." Charlie started gathering her dishes. "It's how you did things with Eve, right?" She looked over at Adam who looked more confused than anything else.  

"What I mean is," panic was setting in as Lucifer grabbed his own plates, "you don't have to do the dishes because I have it!" He couldn't go in and risk Quackers making any noise.  

"Dad, seriously, you don't have to baby me. It's dishes. I do them all the time at the Hotel." Charlie looked unamused by his desperate antics.  Lucifer cleared his throat. 

"Yes but," worst case scenario, Lucifer made all the dishes explode or something. He could handle that. But he was backed into a corner. "I can do this." He snapper his fingers and there was a loud pop as all at once the doors flew open and the plates turned into butterflies and fluttered away. Charlie looked at her now-empty hands wordlessly. Lucifer gave an awkward: "Tadaaaaa~" shaking his hands dramatically.   

"I have a lot of questions..." Charlie finally spoke up.  

"I know, neat trick. I just thought you might enjoy your old man's magic flair." Lucifer was silently willing Adam to keep his mouth shut about the incident when he had tried making the food. Adam didn't seem all that interested in Lucifer's magical mess-up, so it had probably gone over his head. Thank the stars that Adam was dumb as shit. Otherwise, he would be in deep trouble.  

"Right. That certainly was... dramatic." Charlie trailed off as she saw something yellow moving in the kitchen as the doors were swinging closed. "Oh, what's that?" She walked toward the kitchen door pushing it open as Lucifer jumped to his feet.  

"Oh, don't worry about that!"  

"I just remembered I left a mess in the kitchen." Adam was also on his feet pushing past Charlie, almost shoving her put of the way. "But if Lucifer is helping clean, I should leave a bigger one."  

"Hey!" Charlie tried to go back to the door but Lucifer grabbed her by the arm.  

"Wow that was so fucking rude for Adam to do that. What a sack of dicks. We should leave him to think about his actions in silence."  

"Dad, what the fuck is going on?" Charlie pulled her hand away from him. Goddammit.  Adam may have been a moron, but Charlie was clever. So clever she was screwing Lucifer over in his attempts to assure her that he was a well-adjusted divorcee who didn't miss her mom at all. "Why are you being weird?"  

"I'm not being weird." Lucifer nearly choked on his own offended gasp. He really needed to get better at lying to Charlie's face. The awkward deflection wasn't really saving face for him.  

"That's just how he always is." Adam was either helping or being insulting.  If Lucifer had to guess, he would assume the Fallen Human was just being a dick.  

"No. I mean, yes." Charlie faltered for a moment. "But this is different."  

"MASTER!"  

"Ah fuck." Like the ominous plodding of the hooves of the Four Horsemen as they brought about Armageddon, the distant wail of Syn from the hallway sent fear and dread right to Lucifer's core.  

"Um, dad?" Charlie crossed her arms over her chest. "Is someone else here?"  

"No."  

"Maaaaaaaasteeeeeeer!"  

"I mean yes. Kind of." Lucifer was silently cursing his luck. Why would anything ever work out in his favor? It was fucking Hell. His eternity was comprised of all the worst-case scenarios he could imagine. "But it's not what you think."  

"I don't know what I think." Charlie narrowed her eyes. "Because you won't fucking tell me anything. Why are you acting so weird? Are you dating again?"  

"What!? No!" Lucifer almost couldn't hear his own reply over the sound of Adam’s cackling laughter. Lucifer turned to look at Adam who was doubled over, grabbing his chest. "Do you mind?" 

"Not at all. This is amazing." Adam gave him a thumbs up and Lucifer glowered at him.  

"Seriously?"  

"I am not trying to pry, but if you are seeing someone, I would rather find out from you than the news..." Charlie was starting to look distressed. How could things deteriorate so quickly? Everything had been fucking fine before Lucifer's dumbass magic had fucked him over. He scratched at his next trying to fabricate a believable lie, but his time was up.  

"Master! I am free of the closet!" Like a cylindrical, metal beacon, Syn came flying in at full speed and smacking Lucifer directly in the face.  

"Mazel tov." Adam snorted.  

"Dad?" Charlie just sounded confused as Syn- who was still incredibly sticky, and wearing those ridiculous googly eyes and fake lashes Adam had forced upon her- kept bumping against Lucifer's cheeks.  

"Charlie!" Syn immediately lost interest in her creator and began bumping into Charlie's nose.  

"Hi there!" Charlie was... laughing? She didn't even put up a fight as Syn kept running into her face.  

"Hello!"  

"And who are you?" Charlie held put her hand and Syn landed comfortably on the outstretched palm.  

"I am Syn! I am the Voice of Lucifer Morningstar!" Syn played dramatic music as she said Lucifer's name. "I bring his commands to the public! Or at least I will! When I am ready!"  

"I bet you do a very good job." Charlie seemed... happy? Could Lucifer be that lucky? Maybe hos daughter wouldn't interpret Syn's existence as a desperate plea for help. And so long as Syn didn't go off on a rant about Lucifer's depressive episodes, this might turn out okay.  

"I will!"  

"Have you been keeping an eye on my dad for me?" 

"Affirmative! Though your dad is very in to self-care so he does not always need my assistance."  

"Self-care? That sounds nice." Charlie gave Syn a little pat on the top of her as Lucifer felt his breath hitch. She wiped the remnant syrup off on her napkin.  

"Sorry she's sticky." Lucifer quickly interjected to try and change the subject.  

"I was eating pancakes!"  

"I bet they were very good." Charlie didn't seem all that bothered by Syn's state of disarray.  "I also love your rainbow sticker!"  

"Thank you! I picked it out myself!"  

"Did you also make your eyes?"  

"Adam just Adam helped me!" Syn still wasn't a hundred percent on names. That was definitely a flaw Lucifer was going to have to work on before she saw any real use.  

"Well, I love them."  

"I love you!"  

"Oh, thank you!" Charlie seemed to match Syn's energy. This was going... well, actually. "I am so happy to meet you! How long have you been helping my dad?"  

"A few years. I am learning. I help him make phone calls and memos! I also schedule meetings for him that he can ignore!"  

"Ignore?"  

"Syn didn't mean ignore!" Lucifer gave a loud, uncomfortable laugh.   

"Not attend!"  

"Syn!" Lucifer grabbed her quickly from Charlie, his gloves sticking to her surface. "What she means is she helps me schedule meetings based on importance. You know nit everyone who wants mu attention has an actual emergency." 

"And that is why you never go."  

"Syn, I appreciate the sentiment, but you're giving Charlie the wrong idea!" Lucifer's voice raised an active from his discomfort with the situation at hand.  "Why don't we take a break for just a bit? You know, so we don't scare my daughter with silly little misinterpretations?"  

"I am going back in the closet!" 

“Awe, Syn. You don’t have to do that. Times have changed and people are a lot more accepting now a day.” Adam was acting like this whole thing was a massive fucking joke, but Lucifer didn’t have time to deal with him.  

“You put her in the closet?” Charlie looked horrified despite the fact that Syn had sounded cheerfully excited about the possibility.  

“She wasn’t done yet. It was just temporary.” Lucifer tried to wave off the concern. “And she was barely in there.”     “Still, you can’t just lock her in a closet because she isn’t complete! She’s sentient! I think.” There was a bit of hesitation in Charlie’s voice as she looked down at the little cylinder whose wings were fluttering contently in her father’s grip. Syn did not appear to be in distress (though her lack of any discernable face did make her a hard read. The googly eyes weren’t super helpful either. Lucifer's original plan had been a lot more detailed, after all, she was based on Metatron who did have at least part of a face. He had just run out of motivation part way through.)    “I am!”     “See? You can’t put sentient beings in a closet just because she isn’t up to your standards.” Charlie took Syn back from her dad. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up.” It seemed his daughter had taken an instant liking to his malfunctioning little stress-project. She balanced Syn on her palm as she walked toward the kitchen.     “Charlie no!” Lucifer grabbed her arm the moment Charlie had her hand on the door. “I mean, wouldn’t you rather use the bathroom to clean her?”     “What is with you and the fucking kitchen?” Charlie was getting visibly annoyed at this point.       “It’s just, Adam. You know. He made such a mess.” Lucifer was still holding to her arm. “I don’t want you to see all that.”     “Oh. Yeah. I destroyed that fucking kitchen.” To his surprise, Adam backed him up, though he didn’t sound all that convincing.     “Quackers will be very upset of you mess up his kitchen.” Fucking Syn. Lucifer was suddenly reminded of why she had been banished to the closet. Charlie blinked, looking at Syn then back at her dad.     “Quackers?”     “Don’t worry about Quackers. He’s just another project.” Lucifer let out a nervous laugh. “Another unfinished project.”  Charlie narrowed her eyes and pulled her arm away from Lucifer’s grip.    

“Who is Quackers?” She wasn’t looking at her father, but rather at Syn who was sitting contently in her hand.  

  “Why are you asking her!?” Lucifer protested.  

“She will actually tell me things.” Charlie countered. Ouch. That hurt. It was true Lucifer had not been the most open with Charlie, historically speaking, but it was all for her own good. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Charlie, he trusted his daughter with his very life. But, her also valued her view of him. He hadn’t always been the most present father for her, despite his efforts. He had failed her time and time again. But still she believed in him. So, Lucifer had worked over her entire lifetime to sculpt the perfect story. About himself, about her mother, about her home, anything to help build up her hopes and dreams and not allowed her spirits to be crushed, stifled the way his had been by those he had known as family.  

“Quackers lives in our kitchen!”   

“Does he cook?” Charlie asked politely.    

“Mostly he screams.”     “Screams?” Charlie blinked. She looked up from Syn, meeting her dad’s gaze. Lucifer swallowed hard as he saw his daughter reach for the kitchen door.  

“Apple crisp, please, he’s not quite show-ready.” And also, he might try and attack his daughter and Lucifer, while he knew Charlie could easily destroy Quackers, was afraid that might make her concerned for his mental state. Which was perfectly fine. He wasn’t at all depressed. Not one bit.  

“Hey Quackers,” Charlie ignored him and swing the double doors open. Adam scrambled in front of Charlie as Quackers turned his head to look around.    

“Quackers, hey buddy! Sorry to burst in.” Was... Adam concerned about Charlie getting attacked? No. That seemed incredibly unlikely. Lucifer realized Adam probably just wanted front-row seats to the impending disaster.  

“Quack.” Quackers looked at Adam, Syn, and Charlie. Charlie’s face lit up; Lucifer swore he could see the sparkle in her eyes.    

“Omigosh! You are ADORABLE!”  

“Quack.” Quackers rolled his way over leisurely. Lucifer raised his hands, ready to move into the attack position, Adam stood between Quackers and Charlie as Quackers seemed to be giving her the once-over. “Quack.”  

“Bro.” Adam gave him a look. “You can’t say that about the boss’s daughter.” Charlie reached out and gently put the hand that wasn’t holding Syn on Quacker’s round little head.  

“You can understand him?” Charlie sounded impressed.  

“No.” Adam took a step back as Quackers allowed Charlie to pat his head. “But he likes when you respond to him.”    

“Dad, he’s so cute!” She didn’t sound at all upset. “Hey Quackers, I’m Charlie! Do you mind if I get something to clean off Syn?”  

“Quack.”     “Thank you!” Charlie beamed. “Dad, Can Syn get wet?” She walked further into the kitchen. Lucifer stood in the doorway, not stepping over the threshold for fear that Quackers would show his... less charming side.     “Yeah, she’s waterproof.”  

“Please do not get rid of my sticker.”  

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Charlie assured her, taking her to the sink and starting to clean her off. Adam made his way back to the counter, grabbing a pitcher of the juice and going back out to refill his own glass.  

“You’re lucky that didn’t blow up in your whole fucking face.” Adam’s voice was quiet as he walked past Lucifer.  

“Nice of you to notice.” Lucifer’s face fell as he looked at him. “You know, if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought you were actually trying to protect Charlie from Quackers.”     “Good thing you know better.” Adam scoffed. “I just wanted to save the day in case you couldn’t. That would make you look really bad.”     “That sounds like you.” Lucifer sighed. That made sense. Plus, if Adam had actually been trying to help he would have-    “SONNUVABITCH!” There was the distinct sound of annoyance followed by gagging as Adam threw up into his glass. “Are you fucking serious? I just poured that shit!” Wait. Now Lucifer was a bit confused by Adam’s motivations regarding Quackers. The Devil shook his head. That didn’t matter at the moment. Adam had puked and was now holding Corruption in a glass in his hand. Lucifer needed to destroy it with his (currently unreliable) magic, and that posed a bit of a fucking problem. He couldn’t screw up a spell in front of Charlie. Not again, especially not one involving Corruption. He would have to get rid of it later. (At least Adam had the decency to puke in a container- though that didn’t seem to have been his intention.)    “Put the glass in your room.” Lucifer ordered, keeping one eye on Charlie who was wiping Syn clean. “Then wash your hands. I’ll deal with it later.”      “Are you shitting me? It smells.”     “Adam. Now.” Lucifer’s eyes were narrowed, his tone serious. He didn’t even bother with the customary insult. Maybe that’s why Adam, rather than argue, simply rolled his eyes (or well, eye).     “You owe me for this.”    “Noted. Go.”     “This is fucking bullshit,” Adam was muttering under his breath as he started to head out of the dining hall right as Charlie came back in.     “I am clean!”     “Good for you, Syn. You look very nice.” Lucifer nodded to her.     “Where’s Adam going?” Charlie could see him vanish into the hallway.     “He spilled something on himself. You know how clumsy he is.” That was kind of, almost true. And if anything, it sounded believable and that’s what mattered in the end. The truth of a matter was irrelevant so long as it was believed.     “Oh. Okay.” Perfect. This was going quite well. “Do you think, since I’m already here that I could see my old room?”     “Your old room?” Lucifer repeated uncertainly. That... shouldn’t be a problem. No one was allowed in Charlie’s room, not since Lilith had left. (Save for Lucifer, but he only used it as a quiet place to cry when he missed her the most). And the halls leading up to the bedrooms were all in relatively good condition thanks to Adam putting forth the minimum amount of effort possible. “Yeah, I don’t see why not.”     “Awesome! I have these old notebooks I promised I would show Vaggie where I was daydreaming about my original design for the Hotel!” Charlie laughed at the memory. “I think it had twelve pools and a musical theater.”     “If you ask me that sounds like a fucking awesome hotel design.”    

“Dad, I was like a hundred. The designs would never actually work.” Charlie started walking toward the stairs to where her room was located. Lucifer followed behind her, ready to intercept any hint of things not going completely perfectly. “But we were talking about it and I just thought it would be a r-”   

“A what?” Lucifer repeated. Charlie had stopped talking the moment she rounded the corner. “Oh.” Lucifer’s heart plummeted. The misstep when he had tried to clean the plates had not only opened the kitchen door and the closet door where Syn had been trapped, but rather opened every fucking door in the entire goddamn manor. The path to Charlie’s room was lined with open doors, three of which had ducks spilling out onto the floor.    

“Um, dad?” Charlie turned to look back at him. “What... um... what’s with the ducks?” It was a polite question but Lucifer could hear the concern in her voice.    

“Oh, um, well you see crabapple-” Lucifer had top think of an explanation that wouldn’t make him seem pathetic, and fast.    

“I did it.” Lucifer and Charlie both turned to see Adam in the door to his room. “The duck thing, right? Pretty funny, I know.”    

“You, did it?” Charlie sounded doubtful.    

“Yeah,” Adam gave a nonchalant yawn, “I thought it would be fucking hilarious to fill the extra rooms with ducks and see how long it would take your dad to notice. Clearly, he hadn’t found them yet, so I thought if I opened the doors, made it a bit more obvious he would finally fucking catch on.” He put both hands on his hips, looking around. “Fucking got you, you walking shitty baked bean!”    

“Goddamit Adam.” Why the FUCK was Adam covering for him right now. “You couldn’t wait till Charlie left?”   

“I mean, I was kinda not expecting you to come upstairs. Not gonna lie.” Adam gave a little shrug. “Also, hold that thought.” Lucifer could physically see Adam start to look queasy as he bolted back into his room.    

“What a weird prank...” Charlie still sounded unconvinced, but she walked toward her bedroom without much more hesitation. “Dad, is Adam still sick? I would have thought he’d be mostly better by now...”    

“He’s better for the most part.” He wasn’t. He was better but Lucifer could tell Adam had a long way to go. Charlie opened the door to her room, walking inside. It was virtually the same as she left it. She went to her bed, pulling out a container beneath it, opening it, and pulling out a few decorated notebooks. “Oh good! You found what you were looking for!” Lucifer didn’t doubt she would. None of his staff were allowed to touch Charlie’s things, even before he had fired them.    

“Yeah. I did.” Charlie sat on her bed. “Dad...” she patted the spot next to her. Lucifer hesitantly took the seat beside her, looking up at his baby girl and seeing genuine concern in her eyes.    

“What’s up Char-Char?”   

“Is... is everything okay? Are you okay? I know we haven’t been close, and I imagine mom leaving hasn’t been easy on you, and now you have to deal with Adam and that has to be a fucking nightmare and-”    

“I’m fine, my little Braeburn.” Lucifer put his hand over hers squeezing it tightly. “You have been so, incredibly helpful with everything I'm going through.”   

“I could do more...”    

“I know you could. You could do anything if you put your mind to it. But I promise I have everything under control.”    

“I just feel like there’s a lot you’re not telling me...”    

“Charlie, my shining star, apple of my eye...” Lucifer took both her hands in his own. His gloves were still a bit sticky from Syn. Oops. “I promise you that I will tell you everything. Just... give me a bit more time.”    

“Dad I-”    

“I know.” Lucifer held up a clawed finger. “I know that’s not the answer you want. But I just need to talk to one or two more people before this all gets settled out. But then, I’ll tell you everything and then some.”    

“I’m worried about you.”    

“You don’t need to worry about me.” Lucifer laughed, scratching his neck. “I’m literally the toughest thing in Hell.”    

“I know. But you’re still my dad.” Charlie wrapped her arms around him, hugging him close to her. “I just got you. I don’t want to lose you.”    

“Oh, you are in no danger of that.” Lucifer laughed. “So, what do you say you show me some of these early drafts of the hotel. The twelve pools thing has my interest. I think you may be overlooking some real winner ideas.”    

“You know what?” Charlie seemed to relax a bit, opening her notebook. “I think I’d like that a lot.”    

This was nice. Just spending time with his daughter, enjoying what little happiness he was allowed as the King of Hell. Though even as he sat, chatting and smiling, reflecting on happier times, Lucifer couldn’t shake the feeling that this the calm before the storm. His magic was failing him, and he couldn’t ignore it any longer. Something had to be done.

[coraxonxcall]

The majestic mansion staff for Lucifer Morningstar. Adam, Lysander, Syn, and Quackers.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 16: Hell's Kitchen

Adam awoke with a gasp, sweat clinging to his skin, two-toned hair sticking to his face. He tried to wipe the sweat away with his arm, but his whole body was caked in moisture. The silken sheet was plastered against his body. His mouth was dry, his chest ached. His neck felt bruised as he rubbed his hand along it. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His mind was racing, his head felt heavy, buzzing with whispers he couldn't even understand.

Where was he?

Where was his family!?

He tried to look around the room but one of his eyes was completely enveloped by darkness. Why couldn't he see out of that eye!?

The rest of the room was dimly illuminated by red lighting pouring in from behind thick curtains. He could see... enough, but all the colors seemed to be distorted.

He turned his head fully to see a glass of water on the table beside him. There was a note on it that just said: Drink, in his own handwriting. He brought the glass to his lips and started gulping the cooling water, trying to ground himself.

He was in a room.

A bedroom.

It was lavish, more so than anything he remembered seeing before.

Adam finished the entire glass but his hands were still shaking, his breathing still rapid. He went to put the glass back when he noticed it had been sitting on a little notebook. He picked the little book up and there was another note in his writing on the front that just said: Drink.

Adam opened the little notebook, the strange lighting pouring in from outside made his hands look discolored. It was so odd as his hands didn't even seem to be the same color. One almost seemed to absorb the light around it, the other reflecting it back like some sort of apparition. He shook himself and tried to focus on the writing in front of him.

You are okay. You are safe. The confusion will pass. Just wait. You look different. Do not panic. There is nothing wrong with you.

Adam looked at his hands again. So, this was normal? Not a trick of the light? He felt a bit better knowing that this was all just par for the course. He turned the page.

There is more water in the next room, leave the mirror covered. Just breathe.

More water did sound nice right about now.

Adam peeled the covers off of his skin and planted his feet firmly on the ground. The ground was shockingly soft. He reached down and touched it with his hand.

Right. Carpet. He knew what carpet was.

He stood up. The discoloration seemed to be covering his whole body, a line right down the middle of him. His heart started racing again but he remembered the note. This was all normal. There was no need for panic.

He took a moment to steady his breathing, before walking into the next room. There were several glasses of water along a counter. There was a blanket covering the mirror. Adam took one of the glasses, drinking desperately to try and sooth the burning in his mouth. He took a look around. Two more notes caught his eye. One above the faucet (yes, faucet, that was the word) that simply said: More water here. The second was on the cloth that covered the mirror that just read: Don't. (Adam did have to admit, the desire to look at himself was overwhelming, but he had a feeling he should listen to himself.

He kept drinking, mind slowly starting to calm down. That's right, he was dead. He had been dead for a long time. But it was okay. He was in Heaven. He had two of his sons.

He put the glass down knocking a rubber duck off of the edge if his sink. He picked it up. Was this something Abel had brought home? It was cute, and Abel had always liked animals. He put it back on the sink. If that's where Abel wanted to keep it, that was fine by him. It wasn't in the way. He grabbed yet another glass, the pain in his mouth was subsiding from unbearable to tolerable.

Wait...

No, the duck couldn't belong to Abel. Abel wasn't here.

Adam's grip tightened on the glass as slowly he started to come back to reality. His hands shook again and he stumbled backwards into a wall. He slid down, knees trembling, as he sat on the floor, his breathing quickened again as he tried to bring the glass to his mouth to drink.

Fuck. He was in Hell.

He was in Hell and he was at the mercy of the Devil himself.

Adam finished the last glass, closing his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall until he was able to calm himself down.

Every fucking morning this same routine. He was so tired of having to relive the shock over and over again. He would attribute it to Hell, just another level of his torment at the clawed hands of the Devil- but that wasn't true. He had been dealing with this daily confusion since Heaven. (Though arguably it was getting much worse now that he was down here.) At least he had a system in place.

He took a deep, calming breath and got back to his feet. He started refilling all the glasses one by one and putting them back into place. He took the sheet off the mirror and took a long look at himself. Even with the fucked-up color scheme, at least he still looked like himself, so he was still handsome, especially compared to most Sinners. He washed his face, the cool water helping keep his mind focused. It didn't pay to dwell on how sucky night was from the night terrors to the morning confusion. He had brought up his concerns only once in Heaven, but was assured that he was either exaggerating his symptoms, or in danger of Falling because "that shouldn't happen in Heaven."

And that was the last time Adam had tried to bring it up. When it continued to worsen, he had thought about trying again, this time going to one of Raphael's angels since they were the experts when it came to healing- (and things had gotten so bad Adam was starting to push Abel out of their house for fear his son would catch him in his confused state. He loved living with Abel, but the risk that he might not recognize him one morning was constantly buzzing in Adam's mind. And he still had their Wednesday lunches... that is... until he had stopped going to those.) He really had thought about asking for help, but to be honest, the idea that he was Falling had terrified him into keeping his mouth shut. (It was easier to push Abel away temporarily- just until the problem fixed itself and Adam proved to Heaven that he still deserved to be there, than it was to face the reality he might lose Abel and Seth forever.) He had tried so hard to be obedient, and where had it gotten him? Sera had been right. (But if that had all been symptomatic of his Fall from Grace, then why the fuck were his symptoms worse now that the process was complete? Probably because Hell was Hell and by nature could only make him more fucking miserable.)

Adam dried his face on one of the surprisingly fluffy towels. He went back into the bedroom and opened the closet to find his white angelic robes. He did have a few other outfits now, mostly for walking around Hell- but most clothing really didn't accommodate for retractable wings. Yet another way in which Heaven was superior. He could make a list, but he didn't have the time or the paper.

So, he chose to wear the outfit that had materialized with him when he Fell. (The fact that the flowing fabric reminded him of what he had worn Upstairs was a bonus.) He went back to the mirror, examining himself. He poked one of the floating bits of his halo back into place as it had started to shift when he was getting ready. Once in a while, he would try to force the pieces back together, but that only seemed to make things worse. He examined his teeth- the half of them he could see, given the glow on the right side of his mouth made it impossible to see anything. At least if he had food stuck in teeth on the right, no one would ever know. Seeing himself with fangs was still a little off-putting, but he made them work. That was the blessing of having a beautiful face that even sin couldn't corrupt.

He picked the sheet up off of the ground and covered the mirror back up. It was a shame to deprive the glass of his image, but if he forgot to put it back on before going to sleep, he would have a complete mental breakdown in the morning. Even his angel form had freaked him out, waking up looking like some unfinished art project might break him. (He didn't want anyone in the fucking mansion to know his morning routine. Especially not Lucifer. Best case scenario: He got mocked endlessly. Worst case: the Devil pitied him. And Adam was not to be fucking pitied.)

He fixed the note attached to the sheet, making sure everything was set up, before exiting his room into the hallway. It didn't seem like anyone was really awake yet. That was fine by him. He walked through the hall which- thanks to his hard work- was free of yellow, squeaky tripping hazards. He wasn't a fucking maid, but something really had to be done with the disarray of the mansion. Plus, Adam did need money for things like new clothes or a new guitar since his modified harp would no longer appear when he summoned it. Worst side effect of Falling. Worse than looking almost two dimensional on one half of his body. He'd stay looking this way forever if he could get his harp-guitar back. That thing kicked ass.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Adam heard movement behind one of the doors. It had been a few months since he had started living in the mansion and he was more than accustomed to how things worked. So, without hesitation, he opened the door from behind which the tapping had originated.

"Morning Syn."

"Greetings and good morning, Adam!" Once in a while, she would still call him Maid or Adam-Just-Adam, but for the most part, she seemed to have his name figured out. "Thank you for releasing me!"

"Lysander not up yet?" Usually he was up first, and went right for the gym that Lucifer still had no idea existed. (Adam wasn't going to tell him. It was way more fun to see if he noticed on his own.) He would usually be the one to let Syn out of her room.

"Not yet. I am glad you are awake! I am ready to start the day!"

"You sure are." Adam peeked down the hallway to see if anyone else looked like they were awake. Nope. Lucifer and Lysander's doors were both closed. Well shit. It was rare he was the first one awake-or at least- the first one outside. Syn buzzed around his head for a moment before flying back in front of him. Adam noticed she had a green marker taped to her. Lysander must have attached it before they went to sleep so that Syn could color.

"I made a new sign for my door! Can you help me put it up?"

"Yeah sure, why not?" Adam gave a small shrug. He was supposed to be focusing on doing nice shit for people. And Syn should qualify. If not- he was going to have to take it up with Lucifer because it was way easier to do nice things for her and Lysander than it was to try and force himself to do anything for the former Archangel.

"It is this way!" Syn fluttered back into her room, spinning in a little circle over her desk. "Right here! Do you like it?" Adam looked down at the paper on her desk and the scribbles that did look a little more like letters this time.

"Yeah, that looks pretty good." He wasn't sure how much she cared about his opinion. But it was nice to be asked.

"I think it needs stickers. Can you help me add them?"

"Yeah, some stickers would look sick as fuck, let's do this." At times like this, Adam sincerely wondered if Lucifer had intentionally based Syn off of his daughter, or if Lucifer was just so sad and miserable that everything, he made was filled with the wonder he could never experience.

"They are right there."

"Where?" Adam looked at Syn who hadn't really changed position.

"There."

"Syn, I can't see where you're looking. I don't even know which part of you is the front." Adam had complained about this before- even asking Lucifer to give Syn arms, or eyes, or something to make her life just a little bit easier- but he hadn't been receptive to Adam's suggestions. He just continued to insist that the process was more complicated than Adam could comprehend.

"I rotate." The little wings spun entirely around her body as if proving a point. "I do not have a front."

"Can I give you a little makeover?" That was a good word, right? If he phrased it to sound fun, Syn was more likely to agree. "So then you'll have a front? That way we can know where you're looking?"

"I am looking everywhere! I have three-hundred-and-sixty-degree vision!"

"Okay, but in situations like this you can show me which direction in particular is your focus."

"Hmmm..." Syn was considering it, which was, honestly, more than Adam was expecting. "Okay! Can you add a sticker on me too? That is even BETTER than just having them on my sign!"

"Yeah, sure. Which one? Point with the marker." Adam grabbed the various sticker sheets and spread them out on the table- careful not to cover Syn's new sign. (He had no idea how she got these things. Either Lysander bought them for her, or Syn could make purchases herself- which was a weird concept. Was she a paid employee? Or was this all just stuff left behind by Charlie that Syn confiscated for herself? Adam highly doubted Lucifer would let anyone, even Syn, go through Charlie's things. So, she must have been purchasing the stickers from somewhere else.)

"I think I want this one on me!" Syn flew so the marker was pointing to a glittery rainbow sticker.

"Where do you want it?" Adam carefully peeled the sticker, holding it up so Syn could see.

"On top!" She tilted toward Adam so he could put the sticker on the flat surface. He carefully placed it where she wanted.

"Now I get to decorate, right?"

"Yes! You may give me a front!"

"Cool. Mind if I use your stuff?" He gestured to the hoard of craft supplies that Syn had gathered through unknown means.

"You may!" She actually sounded excited by the idea. Adam went to her stash and began looking through it. He had an idea of what he wanted to do, but he had to be certain Syn had all the proper tools. And she did, surprisingly enough. At some point, Adam would have to ask her about her source. He was curious. Maybe he wanted some markers so he could draw an array of dicks in various colors and leave them hidden throughout the mansion to see if anyone noticed.

"Ready?" Adam found what he needed and brought it beside Syn. He figured he would just use tape to make his changes on the off-chance Syn didn't like what he added- though she should because everything he did was amazing.

"Ready!" Syn settled down on the table as Adam removed the marker from her. He got to work, a little construction paper, a little tape, and then the pièce de résistance. It wasn't much, but it would be enough.

"Okay, finished."

"Can I see?"

"Have at it."

"Yay!" Syn flew up and toward the bathroom to look in the mirror. Why Syn got a fucking room with a bathroom was anyone's guess. But Adam had stopped questioning things a while ago. "I love it!" She flew back in and Adam had to stifle a laugh as he saw her large googly eyes with the oversized lashes. "I look like Master!"

"Yeah, sure." Not even remotely, but at least she was happy. Adam didn't feel the need to correct her.

"I approve!" And with that. She flew out into the hallway, probably looking for anyone she could show off to. Adam could only imagine Lucifer's reaction. He smirked as he started cleaning up Syn's things (even going out in the hall and hanging up her knew sign next to her old one) as she flew up and down the hallway. There was an all too familiar churning in his stomach that sent an ache all over his body.

"Sunnovabitch." Adam scrambled to grab the trash can as he vomited up more of the viscous black liquid. It always made his whole mouth hurt, and recently it had started sending pain through his entire body. He was under the impression that as he purged more of this Corruption that things would get easier. He had never been more wrong. (Okay, he had been more wrong about the whole apple incident, but that was on both he and Eve.) He picked up the trash can and carried it to Lucifer's door, knocking. "Hey fuck face, I did a good deed."

Nothing.

Ugh. Fine. He had been sleeping in late recently, that apparently wasn't new, according to Syn and Lysander. Adam would mock him for it later. Relentlessly. But he had a feeling Lucifer would be annoyed if he missed such a golden opportunity.

Still, there was the matter of the toxic puke in the trash can. Adam wasn't able to destroy it himself. That seemed to be a Lucifer-specific task. After all, if Adam was contagious, he didn't want to risk getting Lysander sick. And Syn didn't seem like she was equipped with any weapons (an obvious oversight on Lucifer's part). So, Adam simply went back into Syn's room and grabbed a marker and in his finest penmanship, he wrote: Thinking of you. Complete with a doodle of himself giving the finger.

There. Problem solved. Or at least it would be when Lucifer got his ass up and out of bed.

Another door opened and Lysander stumbled out sporting a black eye and bandages on his tail. He blinked in the bright hall lighting before spotting Adam with the trashcan and the note. "Whatchya up to, mate?"

"This is for your boss." Adam gestured to the can. "It's my puke."

"Right then. No further questions. Carry on." Lysander gave him thumbs up before rubbing his eyes and giving a huge yawn revealing a mouth of fangs and a forked tongue. "Boss is asleep, eh? Damn. I shoulda slept in."

"You look like shit, dude." Adam looked him up and down. Lysander was typically pretty well dressed, but this time he was in a stained T-shirt (it looked like the stain was some kind of blood but Adam wasn't curious enough to ask) and sweat pants.

"Yeah, I was out late. My boys and I were in a riot. It was a fucking grand time! I think you were asleep or I would have called you out to join."

"I'm not supposed to get hurt, remember?" Adam raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well then just fight better than everyone else. That's not hard, yeah?"

"I mean, it wouldn't be hard for me. I was a military general." Adam didn't mean to brag- well... that wasn't true- he was absolutely bragging intentionally. He couldn't go out and fight for risk of spreading the Corruption. But he could still make sure he was respected as the fearless fighter he was.

"Yeah. Sure." Lysander's tone made it difficult for Adam to judge if he believed him or not. "Regardless, I had to fight to protect the mansion. I am the Boss-man's security. If the place is I danger, I had no choice but to respond."

"I'm surprised I slept through a riot if it was that fucking close."

"I mean... close... ish..."

"You just wanted to be in a riot." Adam narrowed his eyes.

"No, I wanted to be paid to be in a riot." Lysander winked and clicked his tongue. "Important difference. Sure, it was like... ten blocks away, but this shit spreads and it was my job to suppress it. Which I did."

"I mean I respect the hustle; I won't say shit." Adam gave a little shrug. "Hey, you wanna go to the bowling alley? We could play a few rounds before-"

"Bowling what?" Lucifer's door opened and he stood looking up at Lysander and Adam looking exhausted for a brief moment before he straightened himself off.

"Nothing." Adam immediately changed the subject. "I got you something." He shoved the trashcan into Lucifer's chest. "Decorated it and everything."

"Wow... a vomit bucket. Gee. Thanks." Lucifer must have known what it was from the smell alone. "And here I only got you a fucking place to live rent free, a job, and all the food you can eat. However am I going to repay such kindness?"

"Did you even see my beautiful decorations?" Adam feigned his offense. Lucifer looked at the taped drawing with no change in his completely deadpan expression.

"Golly fucking gee whiz. I almost missed that." And with that, the trashcan and the note went up in a burst of flames. Even the ash dissipated into nothing before it ever touched the floor.

"That was Syn's trashcan. You know that right?" Adam didn't bat an eye. Lucifer snapped his fingers and a new trashcan appeared. He grabbed it and shoved it back to Adam. "Thank you."

"Why does Syn even need a trashcan?" Lucifer's expression stayed completely stoic. "What could she possibly need to throw away?"

"Master!" There was an excited cry from further down the hallway before Syn came zipping between them all, her oversized eyes facing in all different directions thanks to her movement. "Good morning! Today's weather is boiling hot with a twenty percent chance of acid rain! News reports of multiple riots last night involving VoxTek! But these reports are alleged to be greatly exaggerated according to sources!"

"Vox. According to Vox, you mean. If it's from 666 News, then the sources are all Vo- why the fuck do you look like that." Mid-rant, Lucifer seemed to finally notice Syn's newest improvements. "Who did that to you?"

"Adam gave me a makeover!"

"Did he now?"

"Do you like it, Master?"

"I personally love it." Lysander clapped his hands softly.

"I like it too!"

"I..." Lucifer seemed to stop himself as he saw Syn's wings spin around her in excitement. The motion made the googly eyes roll around and Adam could have sworn he saw the hint of a smile, before the deadpan expression returned. "It's fine."

"I also have a sticker now!" She rotated the body to show where Adam had placed her choice of sticker.

"Very good. Incredibly professional." Lucifer nodded to her.

"Hurray!"

"Don't you worry about those riots either, boss man, I took care of everything." Lysander assured him. "Of course, it was when I was technically off the clock, so there is the matter of overtime-"

"Syn does time cards. Take it up with her." Lucifer held up his hand.

"Syn does timecards?" Adam blinked. He had always been under the impression Lucifer handled all that. But Syn? That was even better. Syn actually liked him. And now that he had given her a makeover, he clearly was deserving of a raise. He'd bring that up to her later. When Lucifer wasn't around.

"Righty then~" Lysander patted Syn on the top of her cylindrical body making the eyes wiggle. Adam snorted. "So, who's fucking starving? Because I worked up an appetite last night slaughtering all those Sinners- you know- protecting the mansion and all that."

"I can conjure up something." Lucifer rubbed his forehead. "What do you want?"

"Fuck yeah! Pizza-bites!" Lysander already had something in mind. Adam scoffed, rolling his eyes. "What? You don't like pizza-bites?" Lysander turned to look at him a bit surprised.

"No, of course I do. But like... do we have to eat summoned food all the fucking time?"

"Do you want take-out, Adam?" Lucifer had already summoned up the box of pizza-bites and was holding it toward Lysander. "Because if you want that, you can pay for it yourself, princess."

"I mean it's better than summoned food. But you miss my point- can I have some of those by the way?" He looked over at Lysander who now had the box.

"Sure, mate. Imma go cook 'em up in the microwave." Lysander gave him a thumbs up before heading back into his room.

"What the fuck is wrong with summoned food?" Lucifer was glaring up at Adam, arms crossed. "Apparently it's not that bad since you're fine mooching off of Lysander."

"It doesn't taste as good as home-cooked. And it's not just you who had this problem. It's literally anyone who summons food. It's... fine... but it's never... great." Adam was at least going to give Lucifer that the problem wasn't just conducive to him. Any creature, angel or devil, who summoned food could never capture the nuance and array of flavors.

"I think it's you who has the problem." Lucifer looked rather annoyed. "I have been summoning food since before you were a concept, and I promise you it is not only great it is divine."

"It's really not. Why do you think Charlie liked Cain's cakes so much? I mean, aside from the fact that he is literally amazing at anything he does- but he bakes. He makes food from scratch, and there is a distinct difference."

"There's no fucking difference, except for the fact that cooking leaves room for error." Lucifer replied flatly. "So, either you get something roughly the same, or you get something infinitely worse."

"Well then," Lysander came back out with the pizza-bites on a little plate. "I think one of you should put your money where your mouth is."

"I don't bet with employees." Lucifer seemed unamused by the entire concept. Adam smirked.

"Cause you know you'd lose. Hey, it's fine to be a fucking pussy so long as you can admit it."

"Okay you want to play that game?" Lucifer whirled around to face Adam. Perfect. He never could resist a challenge. "If I win, you have to clean my workshop." Adam cringed a bit at the thought. Of all the rooms in the mansion, the workshop was by far the worst when it came to ducks, leftover food, and other garbage neglected by Lucifer in his depressed state. Adam didn't even like being in the workshop, the idea of cleaning it up made his skin crawl.

"Okay. Fine. But if I win, I want a raise." Sure, he could go behind Lucifer and bother Syn for one, but this would set a good precedent for Adam to slowly increase his pay over time. Lucifer looked annoyed.

"A raise? You barely fucking work!"

"I do stuff sometimes." This was true. Adam had gradually been picking up things as they started to bother him. The mansion was, overall, noticeably cleaner since his arrival. He wasn't doing it because he was the maid, because that was just a bullshit title Lucifer had given him to bruise his ego. No, Adam would only do enough to assure he got paid and to clean up the areas he liked to frequent. Just because Lucifer had given up didn't mean Adam had consented to be crushed under a thousand ducks.

"No raise." Lucifer was putting his foot down. (Probably because he knew Adam was going to win.) But that was okay. Adam had other ideas.

"I want a golden guitar."

"A what now?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. It seemed that the realization hit him because after a second, his eyes narrowed. "Is this about that whole incident in Georgia, because let me tell you, Johnny embellished everything. That isn't how that went down, at all. I actually still have the golden fiddle."

"Really? Because I heard you got your ass beat real bad." Adam grinned down at him. Lucifer was thoroughly unamused.

"Not true. And why the fuck would you get a golden guitar for a cooking competition? If anything, you'd get like... a golden frying pan or some shit."

"A golden frying pan would be terrible for cooking. It would stain. I would be too afraid to use it." Adam protested. This clearly demonstrated the Devil's knowledge (or lack thereof) when it came to the culinary arts.

"You could keep it as a trophy." Lucifer summoned up a series of golden cooking utensils. "I'll even throw in a golden spatula and a golden stand-mixer."

"I feel like that would throw off the flav-"

"Do you want fucking prizes or not?"

"Okay. Fine. I mean, just beating your ass is a prize to me."

"So, no golden stand-mixer for you." Lucifer went to grab it out if the air where it was floating but Adam quickly batted his hand away.

"Hey now you already offered it." If anything, Adam could sell the stuff (or more accurately have Lysander sell it for him) so that he could save up to buy his own guitar. He felt... empty without one. "Why do you care so much about what my prizes are if you're so confident that you'll win?" Lucifer pulled his hand back as Adam made a point. He shrugged his shoulders.

"You know what? You're right. I'll even give you these one-of-a-kind golden cooking tongs."

"Still feel like those would stain. They don't even have a rubber handle. They'd burn my hand." Adam grumbled it under his breath. But Lucifer was right, these were clearly items of pure aesthetic.

"I can judge!" Lysander offered through a mouth full of pizza-bites. Adam quickly grabbed a handful off the plate as he had no desire to let Lysander devour them all. He had been promised some, and he would need energy to compete.

"Dude you can't judge, Lucifer's your boss." Adam didn't want the odds stacked against him.

"I mean, sure, but I am also the only one here who can eat and isn't actively competing."

"He has a point." Lucifer gave a smug little smile. "And if you make sure I win, there is more paid time off in your future."

"Hey!" Adam whirled around. "No! It has to be a blind taste test. You can't know who made what."

"I mean it will be obvious, mine will be the most beautiful and decadent meal ever created. And you will have... burned toast." Lucifer was seemingly feeling more like himself, judging by the pure elitism dripping from his voice.

"I am actually a very good cook. So, fuck you." Adam retorted, crossing his own arms.

"Sure, you are." Lucifer chuckled. "Well, I am going to enjoy my relaxing morning. You just let me know when you finish putting your potatoes in water so I can create a grand feast." He tapped his cane on the floor, his top hat appeared on his head and he walked past Adam, making sure the coat tails smacked him on the way out.

"Wait!" Adam chased him down. "You have to get rid of Quackers first! I need access to the kitchen!"

"That's on you~" Lucifer didn't even break his stride. "This is your silly competition, after all. But don't worry, I'm sure he will tire himself eventually. I mean, his battery was only good for a few millennia."

"That's not fair!"

"Adam," Lucifer came to a stop at last "I'm literally the devil, my dude. Of course it's not fucking fair."

"You know what? That's on me I should have expected that." Adam's eyes were still narrowed, but in all honesty, Lucifer had a point. This was pretty on-brand for him.

"Can I judge too?"

"You don't even eat-" Adam started to protest, but Lucifer cut him off.

"Of course you can."

"I will vote for Master!"

"Oh come on!" Great. Adam's only saving grace would be Lysander and he had once seen the Hellborn eat a three-day old sandwich that had been left out on the counter. Clearly there was no one with any actual taste. He might as well give up now. But- he wouldn't give Lucifer the satisfaction. The Devil would need the flavor of Adam's cooking to get the bitter taste of defeat out of his mouth.

"I would say good luck, but we both know it would take divine intervention to save you at this point. And I don't think anyone from Upstairs is willing to save your ass when you're down here." Lucifer patted Adam on the arm, pretending (unconvincingly) to be empathetic.

"I am going to win." Adam wasn't going to lose this easily. He was the First Man after all. He had to deal with bigger challenges than this after Lucifer had gotten him ousted from his home. In fact, it was only after Eden that Adam had learned the cooking skill.

"Oh, I like my ducks organized by color and functionality." Lucifer wasn't backing down.

"Eat shit." Adam turned to head toward the kitchen.

"I mean, I will probably have to later when you plate it." Lucifer called after him. Adam didn't have the time to come up with a creative response, so he stuck up the middle finger on his silhouetted hand as he rushed down the hall toward the kitchen. His first trial and he wasn't even holding ingredients.

Quackers.

The duck. The beast. The legend.

The yellow, feathery monstrosity stalked the kitchen like a warden in a prison. Somehow, Adam was going to have to get passed Quackers to check on the rest of the kitchen. He needed to know what ingredients he would have access to, and what appliances Lucifer had- though Adam typically had trouble with the higher-tech inventions. He did better with simpler devices.

Adam pressed his hand to the swinging door. He could see Quackers wheeling about, back and forth, making rounds through the kitchen. The duck was quick, but Adam was hoping that he was quicker. As soon as Quackers passed the door, Adam slid in, crawling, keeping low. Adam inched his way to the refrigerator. He waited for Quackers to turn away before he pulled the door open just slightly. It was a massive fridge, one that was capable of storing enough food for a small town. And yet...

It was entirely fucking empty.

Really?

"QUACK!"

"AH SHIT!" Adam had lingered too long. Quackers had circled around and spotted him peeking in the fridge. Immediately the adorable duck head with the rosy cheeks, split open to reveal the gaping maw of rotating blades.

"QUAAAAAAAAAACK!" The ground seemed to rumble as Quackers let out another, bellowing cry. Adam was instantly on his feet, bolting toward the exit.

"FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"

"QUACK!" The wings had withdrawn as well and were replaced by blowtorches, because apparently, in Lucifer's sick ass mind, that had seemed like a good idea at some point. Adam narrowly dodged getting roasted alive as he pushed through the swinging double doors and slid into the hallway.

As Adam was catching his breath, he was greeted by the sound of applause and cheering. He blinked, looking around in confusion before he noticed Syn floating over his head. He narrowed his eyes. "I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or genuine with your clapping."

"I thought you were most impressive in your escape!" Coming from Syn, it could actually have been a genuine compliment. Adam was willing to take it at face value. (Even though she would inevitably betray him in this competition.)

"Thank you." He watched as the door slowed down in its swing and he could see Quackers reverting back to his normal state. "I don't suppose you can talk to him? You know, invention to invention." He was going to say machine to machine but calling Syn a machine seemed weirdly cruel. She had more personality than some of the Winners Adam had dealt with over the years.

"I am forbidden from assisting in any way, shape, or form. My apologies." It was a bit difficult to take her apology seriously with her massive googly eyes and big, construction paper lashes. "But I am here to record your epic failure! As per Master's orders!"

"Of course you are." Adam rolled his eyes. Honestly, he wasn't sure why he hadn't just expected this. It was something he would have done, had the roles been reversed. Still, he chose to be offended. Lucifer didn't think he could do this and that just made Adam all the more determined. He hadn't cooked in years. Which was unusual, given that he actually really enjoyed the hobby. He had just been so busy with the Exterminations and the Exorcists that he had kind of lost himself in the process. It was almost nice to have time to himself again- almost. (Though, he was still trapped in Hell with the literal Devil, so the fact that there was a Brightside at all was impressive.) "Well, you can tell your master that this is just a simple setback."

"I will send the memo! Is there anything else you would like to add to the message before it is sent?"

Oh. They were sending like an actual message. Okay. That hadn't been Adam's original plan, but he could work with it. "Yes, please. Tell him to fuck himself."

"Sending message!"

"Thank you." Adam crouched back down to look at Quackers once again. The fridge was a bust. But there was still the freezer and the pantry that needed thorough investigations. (There was also the matter of actually using anything in the kitchen, but that was a bridge Adam would have to cross when he reached it.) He waited for Quackers to pass by once again. Turning, he put his finger to his lips, signaling Syn to be quiet. The googly eyes slid up and down as she tilted herself forward and back in what Adam assumed to be, a nod. He hurried on the ground again, keeping low until he reached the absolutely massive freezer that almost matched the fridge in sheer size and volume. He carefully, soundlessly cracked the door open. There was... a single box of frozen apple pies. He reached up, grabbing the box. It looked like they had expired over a year ago- they were probably shit anyway. He noticed the Cain Organics logo at the bottom. (On second thought, they were probably fantastic. Or at least they would have been had they been eaten in a timely manner.)

"QUACK!"

"SUNNOVABITCH!"

Time was up. In an instant, Quackers was barreling toward him. Adam threw the box of expired, frozen pastries in hopes to deter the monstrosity hurtling across the kitchen in his direction. The box, and its contents, we're completely shredded by the whirling mass of spinning blades that occupied the space where at one time Quackers's head had been. Adam ran at full speed back toward the doors, ducking as f from one of the blowtorches attempted to fire over him. Adam fell, rolling out of the door, his wings popping out and wrapping protectively around him.

"A most impressive exodus!" Adam was greeted by more of the pre-recorded applause as Syn was waiting for him back in the hallway. He carefully unfurled his wings from around himself, trying to catch his breath. That had been a little too close for comfort.

"Thanks." Adam sat up, watching Quackers return to normal before the swinging door steadied to a full close. "Hey is there no fucking food in this house?" It might not be worth venturing to the pantry if Syn could give him a complete rundown on his resources.

"I do not know."

"Can you go look?" He doubted Quackers would bother Syn. She didn't really make noise and she was so tiny he doubted she'd be noticed.

"I am forbidden from assisting in any way, shape, or-"

"Or form. I get it." Adam took a deep breath. There had to be something in the house. Lysander had to eat, right? Adam knew that the security intern barely interacted with Lucifer prior to Adam's arrival. So, there was no goddamn way that Lucifer was conjuring up snacks at the rate Lysander liked to eat. The pantry had to be where the food was actually kept. "Keep an eye out for me, I'm going back in."

"I cannot do that."

"I know. But also, if I get cut, your Master wouldn't like that. So, the least you can do is give me a heads up if Quackers throws a knife."

"I suppose that makes sense."

"Thank you." Adam crouched back to the ground, peering through the door, waiting for Quackers to go through his usual rounds before he darted into the kitchen making a B-line toward the pantry. Suddenly, over the sound of his own pounding heart, he heard the distinct sound of googly eyes rolling around. He slowly turned, frantically gesturing for Syn to hold still. (He hadn't realized she had followed him in. She had been content last time to stay in the hall. Wasn't she afraid if Quackers?)

"QUACK!"

Too late.

The district sound of Syn's new eyes had somehow elicited the attention of the kitchen abomination. Adam realized that there was no clear path toward the hall- not this time. He dodged behind the counter as flames shot forward. The sleeve of his robe knocked over a salt shaker. Well, that was a Quackers problem now. Maybe it would slow him down. Adam kept running to the pantry opening the door long enough for he and Syn to slip inside before shutting it, putting his back against it. Maybe Quackers would forget about him since he wasn't visible.

There was an intense feeling of heat against Adam's back and he could faintly hear the roar of the blowtorches from behind the pantry door. Adam turned to see no damage.

The fuck was this door made out of?

Ah well, at least he had time.

"Hurray! We are trapped!" Syn played her applause sound again.

"That is not a good thing, Syn." Adam took a moment to breathe. It was a bit difficult to calm his nerves with the sound of screeching quacks and whirring blades on the other side of the door.

"Oh."

"Okay," Adam cracked his neck. "Let's see what we have." There was a lot on the various shelves, but it all looked rather... old. Things were sealed properly, nicely stored away. This couldn't have been by Lucifer's hand. (Adam knew there had been staff that worked in the mansion prior to Lucifer's depressive spiral. It made sense that they were the ones who had stocked the pantry. But it didn't look like the place had been touched for years.)

"Did you find something delicious?"

"Most of this can't be used anymore..." he really would need to find a way to distract Quackers and clean this place out. It was just depressing. "Some of it can, but I'm going to need to actually buy shit." He couldn't exactly walk into a grocery store. Not without Lucifer. Adam knew there was still a pretty price on his head and he didn't feel like Lucifer would be all that inclined to help him. He could force the issue by just walking outside without any concern in regards to his Corruption. But then Lucifer might get hints of what he was trying to make. No. Adam couldn't give the Devil any sort of advantage. He would need to figure this out alone. Adam shoved his hands in the deep pockets of the robe.

Or! Maybe he wouldn't need to be alone after all.

Adam pulled out his phone. He really didn't have much use for it since the only people he interacted with daily all lived together. But he did have a number he could call! If... he would answer.

Adam had done a lot of research (and by research, he of course meant snooping) to find Cain's number. But if anyone knew how to help him get ingredients, it was the little boy he had taught to cook.

Adam took a deep breath and dialed the number.

"This is Cain."

"Cain! Hey it's dad-"

"Nope."

"Wait, wait, wait! Don't hang up!" Adam was desperate. "I am trapped in a pantry and I am just trying to show cooked food is superior to summoned food!" Adam tried to get all his words out as quickly as possible before Cain had the time to end the call. There was a moment of silence and Adam wasn't sure if Cain had already hung up. He tentatively peeked at the phone. It said the line was still connected.

"Okay. You have three minutes. Explain."

"I am trapped in a pantry because there's this thing in the kitchen-"

"Quackers. Yeah. I fucking know about him. I just use my own kitchen. But he's not relevant. Now, what's this about food? Two minutes."

"Lucifer insisted that summoned food tastes just as good as home-cooked and you and I both know that's fucking bullshit. So, I am proving it to him in cooking competition. If I win, I get shitty gold cookware but I also prove a point."

"Why would anyone want gold cookware? It'll fucking stain. Especially the shit he makes. It probably doesn't even have an insulated handle."

"It doesn't! I said the same thing!"

"One minute."

"I need your help getting ingredients. That's all! Then I'll leave you alone."

"I highly doubt you'll leave me alone." The annoyance in Cain's voice was quite evident. There was a long pause before Cain spoke again. "But," he heard his son sigh, "I would love to prove that point to his royal Fuck-Ass. I have been arguing the same thing for years. I tried to challenge him too, but he said it wouldn't be fair to put me out of business with his skill."

"What a bitch.

"I know, right?" For a moment, there seemed to be a hint of laughter in Cain's voice. "I'll help you. But you had better fucking win."

"You know I'm a good cook."

"I know you are. Which is why I am helping. If you win this, it's a moral victory for me. Also, I want one piece of the golden cookware. It's probably useless, but I am going to hang it up in my office as a trophy."

"I can even let you pick which one you want." Adam wasn't married to any of the glittering pieces Lucifer had showed him, and even if he was- that all went out the window when Cain was involved. This was the longest conversation Adam was able to have with his son since the First Man had died. He had to win now; Cain was counting on him.

"Send me a list of the ingredients you need and I'll send them to the mansion through Sinstacart."

"Through what now?"

"It's my app. You can buy food directly from me with it."

"You have an app!? Can I download it?" Adam wasn't great with apps, but he would learn for Cain.

"No. No, you cannot. You will use it to bother me. I don't know how exactly. But you will fucking find a way. Just text me the ingredients list and head to the door to get them."

"What about Quackers?"

"I mean run fast? The fuck am I supposed to do about Quackers?"

"Right. Okay. Thanks for the help!" Adam paused for a moment before adding, "I love you..." quietly, almost under his breath.

"Just give me the fucking list." This time the line went dead. Adam took a deep breath. He was shaking worse after talking to Cain than he was after escaping Quackers. "

That went well, right?" Adam looked at Syn for confirmation.

"He hung up on you!" She gave a cheerful reply, flipping in the air.

"Yeah. But not immediately." Adam was taking wins where he could find them. He sat on the floor for a moment, surveying what was salvageable in the pantry. There wasn't much. But that was okay, Adam had Cain for backup. He thought for a moment about what he wanted to cook. Breakfast. Everyone loved breakfast food, that was universal- maybe even multiversal. Also, Adam made a mean set of pancakes back in Heaven that were so fluffy and sweet the clouds would get jealous. He listed out the ingredients for the pancakes, adding bacon for himself and Lysander, and tofu bacon for Lucifer. Vegetarian or not, he was going to eat his words along with Adam's deliciously fried bacon.

He sent the list to Cain and received a simple thumbs up in return. Adam quickly and excitedly responded with a heart but that was left on read.

Ah well.

Adam had bigger things to worry about than his own heart being shattered. Quackers was still attempting to incinerate the door. (How much fucking fuel did those flamethrowers have? God help the unfortunate soul that broke into Lucifer's mansion and stumbled into the kitchen.)

"Any ideas, Syn?"

"I am forbi-"

"Fuck it. Forget I asked." Adam searched around him for anything to use as a weapon. He found a baking sheet. It was large enough to use as a shield. He would need oven mitts to hold it when it heated up from the flames. There was an oddly cute pink pair that most likely belonged to the previous chef. Those would do. He grabbed a frying pan to try and have some sort of way to fight back. This was probably going to fail. But since Adam highly doubted Quackers qualified as an angelic weapon, even if he did die, he would come back. And the only real inconvenience would be to his time- and also to Lucifer who would have to clean up the bloodshed. (Unless he made Adam do it. Or unless Adam got incinerated. Then Adam would be the only one suffering.)

Fuck it.

Cain was counting on him.

Adam kicked the door open and immediately hid behind the tray as the fire hit straight on. Thankfully Adam was able to deflect, but the metal was too hot to hold, even with the oven mitts. He managed to dart out of the range of the fire as he hurried toward the exit. He was facing toward Quackers, aiming with the frying pan to hit him right in the center of that buzzing maw of knives, but Adam lost his footing before he could get the throw in. He looked quickly to see the salt shaker he had knocked over in his initial run come back to fucking haunt his ass. His wings came out as he held the pan in front of him as if it would do anything as Quackers descended upon Adam like the eleventh fucking plague with an ominous, booming quack.

"WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM!?" Adam tried to shout over the sound, readying himself for the inevitable burning or stabbing pain. But... nothing happened. Quackers was stopped, inches from the frying pan in front of Adam's face.

"Quack."

"H... huh?" Adam's heart was pounding so loudly he almost didn't hear the response.

"Quack!" Quackers spoke again, this time with more emphasis, spitting a spot of oil onto the pan.

"Y... yeah... okay." Adam had no idea what the proper response was. Or if this was even a conversation.

"QUACK."

"Y... you don't say?" Adam's wings parted a bit as Quackers's face returned, the monstrous spinning blades withdrawing. The flamethrowers retreated back into Quackers and were replaced by the wings once more.

"Quack, quack quack quack, quack quack quack." Quackers was really starting to monolog. Adam carefully started to stand up, watching the Demonic duck carefully for any signs of aggression, but Quackers just continued to quack at him.

"I... I see..." Adam responded when there was a lull in the quacking. Was this a conversation? Or was Adam just hallucinating again. He touched the counter with his hand. It felt pretty solid. (Also, this was pretty lackluster for a hallucination.) Quackers quacked at him a little longer before stopping again. Adam nodded his head. "Yeah, that sounds... really tough." He had no idea what Quackers had said, but it seemed like he just wanted to vent.

"Quack."

"Bro, I feel ya."

"Quack."

"Yeah, it's hard out there for a duck." Adam carefully reached for the salt shaker, putting it back on the counter. Quackers was watching him, but made no moves to stop him.

"Quack."

"So... um... you mind if I do some cooking?" Adam gestured around him. He wasn't sure why he was bothering with the demonstration. Quackers seemed to be able to understand him just fine.

"Quack." And with that, Quackers turned from Adam and resumed his pacing.

"Fucking sweet. Thanks, dude." Adam walked leisurely toward the door, still keeping a careful eye on Quackers but the duck seemed disinterested in him now. Huh. He had no idea how he did it, but the Quackers situation was handled. Not a moment too soon as Adam got a message from Cain on his phone.

Cain [12:23 PM]: stuff is at the mansion. Pick it up or someone will steal it.

Adam [12:24PM]: on it! Thank you so much! You are an amazing son!

And left on read again. Hurtful, but Adam had to keep moving. He had a competition to win and a son to impress.

He hurried toward the mansion door, throwing it open only to be met with an imp weighed down in groceries. "There you are." The imp started shoving the bags at Adam not even waiting for a response. "Get your shit."

"Oh, yeah, thanks." Adam put the bags to the side so he could grab them before this imp dropped them on the ground in their rush. "You uh... you work for my son?" Adam was always intrigued to see any of Cain's employees. He had missed so much of his life- well- afterlife that he was grasping at any crumbs of information he could weasel out. "Cain, I mean."

"Yeah. What of it?"

"O-oh, nothing, just... you know, tell him thanks for me."

"You betchya! Because you know that I- a delivery driver- absolutely talk face to face with the fucking CEO." The imp shoved the last bag at Adam. "You are really goddamn stupid, you know that? Is that why you're kept locked up?"

"I'm not locked up-"

"Didn't ask. Don't care." The imp didn't wait for Adam to finish before closing the door in his face. Cool. He was making a great impression on all of Cain's employees. At least it didn't sound like this particular employee had a lot of contact with Cain himself. So, Adam's reputation was no more wounded than it had been before this interaction. The First Man sighed as he grabbed the bags, carrying them to the kitchen. It was going to take multiple trips. He had needed a lot. And that was on Lucifer.

Just another hurtle.

"What are you making?"

"I'm not telling you." Adam continued bringing things into the kitchen. Occasionally, Quackers would look over at him and give a quack of commentary, but it really seemed as if Adam was safe.

"Why not?" Syn sounded genuinely confused.

"Because you're on his side." Adam started putting things away. He was really going to have to ask Lysander about Sinstacart because this kitchen was so barren Adam was surprised he didn't see Famine wandering about in the pantry. Lucifer would need more than just the ingredients for breakfast. "And if you tell him what I'm making it gives him more time to plot against me."

"Aww."

"Sorry Syn. All's not fair in a competition with the Devil."

"That is okay. I will just watch."

"Suit yourself." Adam got to work. There was so much to be done, and while he wasn't exactly on a time limit, he was hungry. He liked to make things from scratch, too, so he needed to get started.

Quackers would occasionally wander over, Adam wasn't sure why, but it almost seemed to be out of an odd sense of curiosity. He would give Adam a quack that either was approving or threatening, Adam couldn't entirely decide. Quackers would get mad, however, when Adam would leave the grocery bags or any sort of item in Quacker's rolling path. That would earn Adam a hissing series of quacks until he moved said item. But otherwise, the cooking was uneventful. Adam did have a bit of difficulty figuring out Lucifer's kitchen equipment, but it wasn't too, too terrible.

He attempted to wipe the flour off his cheek, but only proceeded to smear it more as he finally finished up. He had five plates of fluffy pancakes, dripping with a crème brûlée flavored sauce. He had toast with homemade raspberry jam, bacon, eggs ranging from scrambled to hard boiled, and he even had freshly squeezed some orange juice to top everything off.

"That looks... interesting?"

Okay, so Adam, plating wasn't perfect, but if Syn had a nose, she would have been doing flips from the sweet aroma. "It tastes amazing. Trust me."

"I will alert Master!"

"Let me."

"Sending message to Master! Speak when ready!"

"Hey fuck face. I hope you're ready to taste a humiliating defeat with a side of delicious breakfast food."

"Message sent."

"Perfect." Adam started bringing the plates out one by one, setting them on an ornate dining table that looked as if it hadn't been used in centuries. It wasn't long before Lucifer materialized looking annoyed.

"How the fuck did you get past Quackers!?" He stopped for a moment, sniffing the air. "This is takeout."

"No fucking way. Syn will tell you I made this all myself. Except the toast. The bread was pre-made. I don't have the time to make a loaf from scratch. Which is a shame because I have a Challa French toast that made Uriel cry."

"Okay, now I know your bullshitting me because Uriel has no fucking feelings. None of the Archangels do."

"Adam did make everything! I have the video to prove it! I also have much video of him almost dying to Quackers."

"Save anything funny with Adam running from Quackers. I'll watch it later when I enjoy my victory bath." Lucifer nodded.

"You'll need that bath to wash off the stench of being a loser. And that has nothing to do with the results of the competition. That's just your usual, repugnant odor." Adam smirked. "And just so you know, Quackers and I are cool now." To prove a point, Adam walked in the kitchen, grabbing another plate and bringing it out.

"Did you fucking kill Quackers?" Lucifer ran into the kitchen to see for himself. There was a horrible, booming QUACK as Quackers came charging toward the Devil, face retracting into the rotating blades. Lucifer quickly vanished and reappeared back in the dining room. Adam watch as it appeared Lucifer had... misjudged the distance? The Prime Evil was levitating a few feet off the ground before falling on his ass. Adam didn't even bother trying to stifle the laugh.

"Nailed it."

"Shut the fuck up." Lucifer picked himself back up, grabbing his hat that had fallen off. "Syn, get Lysander so we can get this over with."

"Yes Master!"

"You ready to have your tastebuds wowed? If you thought Cain's cooking was great- well it still is- but I taught him everything he knows." Adam put all his plates together, away from Lucifer who was getting ready to summon his own rendition of Adam's meal. He didn't want his carefully prepared food to be caught in the crossfire.

"Bullshit. I know he learned from Eve."

"Wait, what?" Adam blinked. "D... did he tell you that?" That was a blow to his ego. He really enjoyed the time he and Cain had spent together learning what plants could be utilized for better flavor.

"No." Oh thank fuck. "But I mean, it's pretty fucking obvious."

"Evie hated cooking, as a matter of fact."

"Can you shut up? I'm trying to summon."

"I could keep talking just to throw you off. But unlike you I don't need to cheat to win." Adam took a seat, making a zipping motion across his lips. Lucifer rolled his eyes, lifting up his hands and summoning a massive feast of roast duck, cranberry sauce, and all the trimmings. Adam blinked. "That's not what I made."

"Yours was too simple." Lucifer looked almost... flustered? If Adam didn't know any better, he'd think this was some kind of accident. "But fine. I don't need to crush you too badly. You'll cry all over my things when you clean the workshop." Lucifer flicked his wrist and the food vanished. He snapped and...

Nothing.

He snapped again.

Nothing.

Adam looked over at Lucifer whose cheeks were starting to tint gold, not out of humiliation but rather... frustration? "Hey Lucifer are you-"

"AH HA!" Perfect pancakes appeared on their own plates. "I was just fucking with you, dickwad. I can't believe you thought I was struggling with something this easy. Can you imagine?" Lucifer was laughing as he took his seat at the head of the table. Adam had to admit, aesthetically, Lucifer's were perfect. Not a flaw in sight. But this wasn't about look. It was about taste.

"Awe yeah. In a cooking competition the real winners are the judges!" Lysander came in, not a moment too soon. Adam started putting the plates out so there were two at each seat. Syn took the seat beside Lucifer; Lysander took the seat beside Syn. Adam shrugged and sat on Lucifer's other side.

"Make this quick so Adam can get to cleaning." Lucifer had his cheek in his hand.

"I vote for Master!" And with that, Syn face-planted into the pancakes. They were actually the ones Adam had made, but he wasn't going to say anything because Syn instantly repeated the process and flopped into Lucifer's pancakes.

"One vote for me." Lucifer smirked.

"Syn doesn't even have a mouth!"

"Adam, she's still a part of this team." Lucifer looked back at Lysander who was taking his time sampling each part of each dish. He stopped for a moment then held up the plate Adam had made.

"This is fucking amazing. This wins."

"HA! EAT SHIT!" Adam jumped up excitedly, but Lucifer grabbed his arm, pulling him back down into his seat.

"Nuh uh. That's a tie."

"How is that a tie!? Syn doesn't count!"

"Syn counts because she voted for me. We need a tie breaker. And I have just the unbiased source." Lucifer clapped his hands and a second Lucifer appeared. "Me!"

"No." Adam shoved his hand through the clone and it vanished. Huh. That one wasn't very durable. Usually, those things could take quite the hit.

"Well, I don't see you coming up with any ideas." Lucifer put his cheek back in his hand. "And don't say Quackers. He doesn't eat."

"Neither does Syn!"

"Yes, but he might vote for you. And we can't have that."

"Fine." Adam needed to win. But who in Hell of all places, would be able to give an honest opinion? Oh. "Charlie."

"What?" Lucifer had been eating his own pancakes but spit them out the moment Adam spoke.

"What about Charlie?"

"My daughter. You think she wouldn't be bias?"

"I mean, fuck, she's less bias than Syn."

"Charlie hasn't even met Syn yet. Or gone into the house... more than just the front foyer and I-"

"I cleaned up the house decently enough." Adam gave a shrug. "Or are you just worried she'll like my stuff better?" Lucifer was quiet for a moment, but eventually let out a long breath, pulling out his phone.

"Fine." He dialed quickly. "Hey bitch!" Adam raised an eyebrow at Lucifer's choice of greeting. He could vaguely hear Charlie talking on the other side. "No, no, no, no, no. "I mean... kinda. But it's not a Redemption lesson. It's more like... proving a point. Can you come to the house? If not, it's fine, but I would love your input." He was quiet again for a second. "Yeah, you can actually come in. In fact, you'll sort of have to." Hopefully, Charlie was as honest as she preached, "Perfect! Love you, crabapple! I'll see you when you get here!"

"So why do you call her bitch?" Adam was trying not to focus on the fact that when the actual Devil said I love you to his child, that he didn't immediately get the call ended. Yeah. That stung.

"That's our thing. It's a thing we do."

"It is because he blindly panics!"

"That's enough, Syn!" Lucifer let out a series of nervous laughs. "Syn! FUCK" he grabbed the little cylinder with both hands. "WHY ARE YOU STICKY!?"

"I ate pancakes."

"Right." Lucifer's eyes cast downward for a moment. Adam was enjoying watching him struggle when something caught his eye. Golden fleck on Lucifer's coat collar. That was... odd. "Well Syn, I have a SUPER important job for you! It's in this closet!" Lucifer hopped up and ran to a hall closet, throwing Syn inside and shutting the door.

"Dude, why the fuck did you do that?" Adam followed behind him, trying to get a better look at the golden specks. As Lucifer was facing the closet, hands on his hips, seemingly proud of his actions, Adam scooted to his side.

"Syn isn't ready to meet Charlie." Lucifer replied as a matter-of-factly. That was fair. Syn did like to loudly shout things about Lucifer's crippling depression. And, while Adam hated Lucifer, he understood not wanting to be humiliated in front of your child.

"Right." Adam blinked. Then blinked again. That was... odd. If Adam didn't know better, he swore he saw those tiny puncture wounds from his bite right on Lucifer's neck. (But he had watched that bite heal right in front of his eyes- well... eye.) It was hard to tell for sure, the collar partially obscured it. There were small almost unnoticeable drops of gold staining the shirt collar as well. No. Adam had definitely seen something. Adam reached to push the collar aside, to get a better look. The Devil caught his hand, holding his wrist tightly.

"Adam." Lucifer's tone was severe. "What are you doing?"

"I thought I-"

"Don't you have something else to do?"

"Right..." Adam wouldn't push. Not with Charlie on the way. But he knew what he saw. As soon as Charlie left, he would have to ask about it. Lucifer couldn't get sick. Because, as much as the Fallen hated to admit it, Adam needed Lucifer right now. If the Devil died, the First Man was royally fucked.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 15: The Doomsday Dish

"Wow, this has been just so fun, but" The elevator doors opened. "I am afraid I have more important things to do. You know, literally anything else." And with that Velvette took off like someone had lit a fire under her.

"Well, that was rude." Mimzy scoffed, folding her arms. It was, but Charlie didn't really expect much from Velvette. Still, the fact that one of the Vees had actually helped her was not something to be overlooked. There was hope for each and every Sinner, in Charlie's mind, and Velvette was no different. The newest of the Vees may claim that her help was solely to wriggle a favor out of a Charlie, but the princess had taken careful note that Velvette hadn't even asked for anything until Charlie had thanked her.

"It wasn't very nice, no." Charlie shook her head. "But Velvette is busy." She stopped outside of the DamnWay building. She was hoping to catch Rosie, it had been a while since Charlie had seen her and she wanted to be sure the Cannibals had all gotten their gift bags. "And speaking of not nice, it has come to my attention that you like to start drama at the Hotel by making up wildly unfounded rumors."

"Sounds fake." Mimzy avoided eye contact by looking offended and turning away from Charlie. "But you know that Husk is having a torrid love affair with Cain from Cain Organics."

"That isn't true." Charlie happened to be one of the few who actually knew Cain. As it turned out, most of the Sinners knew almost nothing about him because of his anti-social ways. At the Hotel alone she had heard things from: He is secretly an Exorcist sending information up to Heaven; to he was on his way to marry Charlie's father and usurp her mother's throne.

"Oh, it totally is. I read it in an article." Mimzy insisted. She pulled out a magazine and on the dogeared page, was a badly photoshopped picture of Husk with a regular boulder and some roses. Charlie looked at the top of the page: "Gambling with your heart? Husk and Cain's Forbidden Romance." And under that was: An article by Mimzy.

"You wrote this."

"And it wouldn't have been published if it wasn't true." Mimzy insisted, ignoring Charlie's obvious skepticism. The princess flipped the magazine to the cover and tried not to roll her eyes.

"This is from Demonic Deets they publish literally anything. Last week there was an article stated that I was pulled out of a hat as a baby and that's how I was born."

"That sounds like something a hat-baby would say, I'm sorry princess, but news is news." Mimzy took her magazine back, clicking her tongue and shaking her head. "Plus, you can't argue with photographic evidence."

"That's just a rock in the picture." Charlie wasn't even going to address the poor photoshop attempts as that was the least of the problems at hand. "That wasn't my uncle. Mimzy," she sighed, unsure of why she was arguing this point, as the issue was mostly about the lying, but still it had to be said. "You know what Cain looks like. You're one of the few Sinners who has seen him in person." Cain famously did not like to interact with other Sinners, vastly preferring the company of Hellborns.

"I do?" Mimzy's eyes lit up. "How exclusive! Is he that little reddish thing that runs around and screams?"

"I..." Charlie opened her mouth and closed it again. "Okay I need a bit more detail in order to correct you because, no, it's definitely not Cain, but you either described Niffty or Angel's pig Fat Nuggets."

"Come on Charlie, I know who Niffty is." Mimzy looked appalled by the accusations.

"Okay then if it has hooves and is pink, and it's about this big," Charlie gestured with her hands to show the size. Mimzy had been at the Hotel for four months, but somehow Charlie was doubting her claim she knew who Niffty was. "It's Fat Nuggets. If it wears shoes, has one eye, and cleans: it's Niffty." Both were small, screamed, and in the red spectrum of colors.

"So, then who is Cain?" Mimzy had a blank look. To be fair, she hadn't really met Cain so much as she had just seen him in passing.

"Remember that night my dad dragged Adam out of the Hotel and Alastor came down with him and there was another guy? He was kind of average size, grey, horns, brown hair? Only one eye?"

"Hmmm..." Mimzy squinted.

"Remember? We were all on the couch? You had just come home from Gomorrah?" This really wasn't all that long ago, Charlie was a bit surprised Mimzy didn't remember more, as the whole night had been fucking crazy. Then again, it might not have been as memorable to someone like Mimzy who was only tangentially involved with the chaos. Maybe it was only weird for Charlie to see her father wrestling with Adam who was wrapped in a bedsheet and screaming for freedom because she knew her dad, and hadn't really seen him do anything quite so... strange. "He was wearing the black leather jacket?"

"Oh yes!" Mimzy's face lit up. "He was handsome! A man like that probably knows the right way to treat a lady!"

"That's my uncle." Charlie lips drew into a thin line. The idea of Mimzy throwing herself at her uncle was weird for a myriad of reasons, not the least of which was that her uncle had all the charm and charisma of a scorpion that was actively on fire. He was nice to Charlie and to her parents and that was about it. Any of the other royals that would attend her birthday parties would get five words out of him max, before he would melt into the floor to avoid conversation.

"Think of it! I could be your aunt!" Mimzy fanned herself with her hand.

"What about his very real love affair with Husk that you wrote about?" Charlie opened the magazine back to the article and pointed at Hell's most unconvincing photo.

"Oh foo!" Mimzy's bubble was burst and she gave a little pout. "Okay, so my sources might not be the most reliable."

"You have sources?" Charlie raised an eyebrow at her.

"Plenty! But I can't divulge them, journalistic integrity and all that."

"I thought you were a small business owner."

"I have lots of jobs! Being in DamnWay isn't cheap you know!" Mimzy didn't look upset, but rather, mildly annoyed by the question. Charlie actually didn't know the costs associated with DamnWay, but she could guess it wasn't cheap. Mary-Lu had quite the office, after all.

"But you enjoy it?"

"Oh yes! And thank you for taking me to this very important conference. I would have been invited on my own merits, you know, but my invite got lost in the mail."

"I thought they were emailed." That's how Charlie had gotten hers.

"Lost in the e-mail then. It's all the same you know." It really wasn't, but that didn't seem to matter. Mimzy was walking on air, despite the fact that her interaction with the DamnWay CEO had been minimal at most. Charlie didn't really get the appeal of it all, but it made Mimzy happy, and in the end that is what mattered most. When the Hotel patrons were happy, they were more open to Redemption activities! And despite Mimzy's ulterior motives, she had made some progress in that regard. Cherri had admittedly done better, but it wasn't a competition, and Cherri had Angel to help her. Having a friend already at the Hotel was a huge benefit when it came to making progress. Mimzy did have Alastor, technically, but Charlie didn't pretend to understand the nuances of their relationship. (Plus, when it came to Redemption Alastor really wasn't the best role model.)

"Oh Charlie! I thought you'd be gone by now!" Rosie called to her as she and Missi walked out of DamnWay's sliding glass doors. Rosie was helping Missi carry another of the giant glasses. Missi had one in each of her hands, and a third wrapped in her tail.

"Oh yes! We were leaving, just got distracted talking." Charlie smiled seeing Rosie. She was truly one of Charlie's favorite Overlords, given her help in fighting off the Exterminations. "But I was hoping I would catch you!"

"Me?" Rosie struggle to hold the glass as she put a hand to her cheek and batted her lashes playfully. "Well don't I feel special?"

"Look at you Rose!" Missi threw her head back and chugged one of her giant glasses. She tucked it under her arm, taking the giant glass from Rosie. "Moving up in the world! Chatting with a royal. Never pegged you for a Cannibal, Princess. You don't have the... you know..." Missi made a very poor attempt at lowering her voice as she leaned over to Charlie. "The look."

"Oh no. I am not." Charlie quickly shot that down. (Hopefully not too quickly, she didn't want to upset Rosie.)

"She's just a friend!" Rosie laughed. "She's not super into our cuisine. But she does love a good, violent brawl against Heaven!"

"Well... technically, actually: that's not exactly true-" Charlie didn't have a chance to finish as Missi let out a roaring laugh.

"Damn! I almost forgot that was you, Princess. That fight against those fucking birds was brutal."

"Birds...?" Charlie blinked. "You mean the Exorcists?"

"Fuck yeah I do!" Missi gulped down another glass, tucking it under her arms again, and used her free hand to pat Charlie on the back. The princess nearly stumbled from the force of the blow. "That shit was awesome."

"Well thank you for-"

"You shoulda come to my district! My girls live for a fucking fight. Next time though." Missi really didn't like to give Charlie the chance to finish her sentence. And now those words were stuck in her brain. Next time. Four months had already passed. Would they get the whole year till the next Exterminations? Or would the new leader of the Exorcists be flying down here in just two more months? How did any of that work? "That fight earned my fucking respect." Missi's voice snapped Charlie back to the present.

"We all just did our best. Had a nice time." Rosie smiled, seemingly unaware of any of the stress that Charlie was feeling. "We lost some good Cannibals, but we won in a different sense. We told Heaven to suck it." She said the words in the most, polite, sweet tone Charlie had ever heard.

"Yeah ladies!" Missi bent down, moving her giant glasses so they were wrapped securely in her tail. She wrapped an arm around Charlie and another around Rosie. "FUCKING SUCK IT HEAVEN!" She used both hands to flip her middle fingers upward toward the divine ball in the sky.

"Rosie!" Charlie jumped. Part of her expected Sera or maybe God to be calling directly to Rosie, ready to deliver divine justice. But no. It was just Carmilla. Charlie watched as Carmilla approached from an alleyway up ahead. Velvette appeared behind her, and quickly ran off in the opposite direction. Was Carmilla just meeting with each Overlord individually. Rosie's smile didn't waver as Carmilla strode toward her.

"Hey again, Carm! Funny seeing you again so soon!"

"Can we please speak for a moment?" She eyed Mimzy, Charlie, and Missi. "Privately?" Her tone was serious, but Rosie just giggled, she didn't seem all that bothered.

"Why not? It's been so long since you and I had a nice chat!"

"Thank you." Carmilla nodded her head.

"Sorry Missi, I am needed~" Rosie wiggled free of Missi's massive arm.

"Sure thing, Rose. We should go to another riot some time. Don't be a stranger." Missi let her arm drop. Rosie walked toward Carmilla.

"I'll see you later, Charlie honey."

"Oh, yeah... see ya!" Damn. Charlie still hadn't had the opportunity to ask about the gift baskets and to thank Rosie for the billionth time. Next time. She didn't expect Rosie to be so popular at these sorts of things.

"Thank you, Rosie." Carmilla gestured for Rosie to follow her and the two began to walk away. Missi finally lifted her weight off of Charlie's shoulder as she stood back up, stretching her arms out.

"Boo on those two."

"I wonder what that was about?" Charlie watched them leave. She wasn't as in tune with the Overlords as, perhaps, she should have been, given that she was a princess and they were a major part of Hell's volatile politics.

"Hard to say. Those guys have history together, dunno what it was, but I never got the impression it was good." Missi took her glasses back in her hands.

"History?" They hadn't seemed like they were on bad terms, at least, not to Charlie. Rosie seemed downright agreeable to going off with Carmilla. Surely if there was underlying animosity, Rosie would have resisted at least a little bit.

"Oh gosh!" Mimzy's eyes widened and Charlie could almost see the gears turning in her head. "I can't believe Rosie and Carmilla are ex-lovers!"

"N- no one said that." Charlie was quick to try and shut this down before it became a headline.

"I mean... fucking maybe." Missi shrugged. "I never could figure out what the fuck was going on between them."

"Would you like to be a source? I am a journalist as well as a DamnWay sales rep-" Mimzy turned to Missi and Charlie quickly pulled her to her side by the back of her dress.

"Mimzy, no."

"You are a feisty little thing." Missi laughed leaning down so Mimzy was at eye level. Mimzy backed up a bit. "I could eat you whole."

"Please do not do that." Charlie clapped her hands together quickly, only making Missy laugh harder.

"Don't you worry princess; I'm not looking to eat one of your little mascots or whatever they are."

"Patrons, actually. Hotel patrons... you know, for my Hotel that I run? It... um... it had a commercial and everything?" Charlie had been running the hotel for well over a year now and it still seemed as if no one really knew or cared about what she was trying to do. At least her dad seemed to believe in her, at least a little bit. He was letting her help with Adam after all. Though the lessons were typically very short because her dad only liked to bring Adam around when no one else was at the Hotel. Redemption was actually lot harder when Adam wasn't around full time, and the times she could work with him were often cut short.

"I will be honest, I thought you were doing like an underground fight ring. My money was on the chick with the bombs." Missi didn't seem all that perturbed by the correction.

"Nope. It's a hotel. We redeem Sinners so they can go to Heaven."

"Oh shit, does it work?"

"I mean..." Charlie didn't want to lie, "I think it will."

"So, I could go up there and become an Exorcist? Damn, that's a pretty sweet gig."

"T... that's not exactly the point."

"I knew I liked you, Princess. You got some good ideas. We'll chat more later. But I gotta head back to my district. Don't be a stranger!" Missi slapped Charlie on the back once more before taking off running back toward her area of Hell. The ground trembled with every thundering step.

"She seems nice." Mimzy watched her go without much of a reaction.

"Yeah, that was certainly... interesting..." Charlie craned her neck to see if she could catch a glimpse of Carmilla and Rosie, but she wasn't sure where they had gone off to. She liked both of them, they had each been instrumental in the defeat of Adam and the thought of them in some kind of argument concerned her. (But Carmilla had not seemed angry, and Rosie had been far from concerned.) "I hope everything is alright..."

"I mean, it's Hell." Mimzy shrugged. "Is anything ever alright? No. But you make the best of it. I use DamnWay products and gambling to cope. You use positivity and denial."

"I don't think I would say I was in denial per say..."

"Oh honey..." Mimzy patted Charlie on the arm. "What do you say we go back to the Hotel and brag about all the important people we saw today."

"Or we could just go back and tell our friends about our fun adventure!" Charlie tried to rephrase Mimzy's idea in more of a positive light. It was a work in progress, all of this was a work in progress. But she had her father's support. Even Adam seemed more open to the idea, though he was hot and cold with how he reacted. She would really need to work with him... more, and for longer periods of time to get a better hold on how he was feeling about her concept overall.

"I'm still gonna brag." Mimzy put her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest.

"Just think it over." Charlie sighed as she started making her way back toward the Hotel. Her day had certainly gotten an interesting start. It had been difficult even reaching the DamnWay building, the Doomsday District had been a fucking nightmare to traverse. Usually, it was a little inconvenient if something had worked the Sinners up into a frenzy, but this was worse. Perhaps it was just that Hell hadn't quite repaired itself as quickly as it typically did. It was just something that seemed so natural to Charlie as it was something that had been a constant since she could remember. Despite all the destruction, all the devastation caused by the Sinners, Angels, or Hellborns- Hell repaired itself. It was a simple, innate process. (The buildings and Sinner made structures were not repaired by Hell. That fell on the Sinners themselves. But things that her family had made, roads, landscape, even certain plants- would regenerate naturally over time.) To see it staggering was... concerning.

"It's such a hassle walking to and from the building." Mimzy wasn't exactly thrilled with any kind of long, tedious travel. From the looks of it, Hell's repair was almost finished. This wasn't the first time Charlie had noticed it being slower over the last few months, but this was by far the most obvious example. "Once I reach Premium Jade VP, Mary-Lu basically buys me a house. So, then I won't have to walk all this way just to see her!"

"That... seems a little too good to be true, doesn't it?" Charlie did want to believe in meritocracy, but in Hell it was incredibly unlikely.

"It's part of the compensation plan, you really should join under me, Princess. You would have such a big market that you could climb the ranks in no time."

"I won't be joining DamnWay, Mimzy, but thank you for yet another offer." Charlie gave her a sweet smile, Mimzy would pitch Charlie once or twice a week. But that was a small price to pay for one more chance at redeeming a Sinner.

"Your loss." Mimzy had to step out of the way as a Sinner ran screaming between them. That was par for the course when it came to the Doomsday District, so Charlie didn't really react outside of giving a friendly little wave that was completely missed by the panicked Sinner. "Watch where you're running, ya cad! You almost trampled me!" Mimzy, on the other hand looked annoyed.

"I am sure it was not meant maliciously." Charlie tried to calm her, but quickly picked Mimzy up as more Sinners scrambled past them, all in a bit of a fit.

"THE END IS NEAR!" And as quickly as they came, they were gone. Finally, a sense of normalcy had overtaken Charlie's unease. The Doomsday District Sinners were skittish at best, and that was putting things politely. Just seeing the princess was enough to cause a panicking mob to flee. Not that Charlie had ever given them reason to flee, but that was irrelevant. Her position alone was seen as a threat.

"Your end is near if you don't watch it!" Mimzy waved her fist at the vanishing mob as they fled and Charlie put her back down on her feet. "Honestly, the nerve of some people." She dusted off her dress.

"I'm just glad you weren't hurt." Charlie let out a breath.

"Oh please, if anyone was gonna get hurt. It would be those assholes." Mimzy waved off her concern.

"Let's just be careful." Charlie kept walking only to turn the corner and see none other than Vox standing in the Doomsday District looking at a completely decimated VoxTek store. He didn't seem to notice her as she approached. "Vox?"

"What the f-" he turned, spotting Charlie and instantly changed his expression to a wide, toothy smile. "Princess! How are you dear?" His entire demeanor shifted, back straight, chest puffed out, grinning from one side of the screen to the other.

"Um... hey, Vox, does Zestial know you're here?" Charlie was a bit taken aback, as Overlords were typically respectful of one another's territory. (That, and Vox looked like utter shit. Despite his charming smile and clean, well-pressed suit, he looked like he hadn't slept in days.)

"He does." Vox scoffed a bit at the mention of the other Overlord. "I just wanted to see the damage for myself." He gestured to what remained of the store in question. Charlie looked over at it as well. All the screens were smashed, there was still blood caked on the walls, the building itself was mostly intact, but everything inside was completely destroyed and going to fall on Vox to fix.

"Does this happen often?" Charlie couldn't really imagine that the Doomsday District was a super profitable location for easily breakable items.

"Usually like once a month, but it's been getting more frequent and a lot worse. I am starting to think the sales aren't worth it." Vox had his hands on his hips, surveying the damage. "I might just cut my losses and close this whole location."

"That's sad..." Charlie knew how important the vPhone was to most of Hell's population. Alastor hated the thing, but he hated literally anything Vox made so Charlie tried not to take his opinion into account when it came to technology.

"Yeah, can you imagine storming this place and not looting?" Mimzy clicked her tongue in disappointment. "That's just wasteful."

"Who are you?" Vox looked down at Mimzy with the same expression he might have if he were looking at a particularly annoying insect.

"Mimzy, the Princess's best friend!" Mimzy put an arm around Charlie. (Or rather, around Charlie's upper legs as that seemed to be as high as she could reach.)

"Oh. My apologies then." Vox's smile instantly returned. "The technological outages last night seems to have just put me in a bad mood. Hopefully you weren't too impacted, your highness?"

"I was asleep." Charlie assured him. She hadn't slept great admittedly, but she had missed all the chaos. She didn't bother correcting Mimzy. She liked to think of all the Hotel patrons as her friends, that much was true. And it did stop Vox from being rude to Mimzy. Politeness was a positive trait, even if it was superficial. (And with Vox, pretty much everything was superficial. Charlie wasn't that naive.)

"Well good, then at least I haven't caused you any inconvenience." Vox looked back at the mess for a moment before grabbing his phone. "You've reached Vox, how can I help you?" He muted the phone before turning to Charlie. "So sorry, one moment princess this is important."

"Oh of course!" Charlie hadn't really been expecting to have a full-out conversation with Vox, she had just been stopping out of curiosity more than anything.

"Good...?" Vox sounded confused as he talked to whoever was on the other line. Charlie tried not to eavesdrop as that was rude. But Vox was standing close enough that she could clearly hear his side of the conversation. "How was um... your thing with Mary-Lu? That's where you were, right?" Oh. He was talking to Velvette, most likely. Charlie doubted he was on a chatting basis with any of the other Overlords that had attended Mary-Lu's little gathering. "That's... nice." Vox sounded really puzzled by the call. "Is there a point to this, Velvette?" So, Charlie had been right about who was on the other line. "Ah fuck." Vox's whole face fell and for a moment Charlie saw real exhaustion in his expression. "I didn't send you the new one, did I?" Vox rubbed his eyes with the hand not holding the phone. "Sorry, sorry, I'll buzz you in." He looked over at Charlie beside him. "I can tell you in person." His eyes glowed for a moment as his focus seemed to be elsewhere. He took note of Charlie again and tried to clear his throat, straightening up a bit. But instantly his expression fell again. "... I can send the elevator for you." He put the phone away. Sighing heavily. "Apologies, again, your highness. However, duty calls."

"It's fine, Vox." Charlie gave him a little wave trying to reassure him. "Try and get some rest okay?"

"Rest?" Vox laughed. "I assure you, your highness, I am quite well rested and alert!" He closed his eyes, his body crackled with electricity for a moment, before it stopped. He started coughing into his sleeve. He cleared his throat, shook himself, and then his body turned to electricity and he was gone.

"Wow he looks ready to fucking die, doesn't he? You think the Vees are looking for a replacement?" Mimzy looked after him with curiosity.

"I mean... he didn't look that bad. He just had a rough night with all the technical issues, that's all." Charlie had noticed his fatigue, but he didn't look nearly as bad as Mimzy was describing. "And I thought you were going to be under Mary-Lu, not join the Vees."

"Every girl needs a good backup plan. You know, in case something happens to the company."

"Isn't Redemption your backup plan?" Charlie wasn't so bold to assume that Mimzy was making Redemption her priority. After all Charlie had seen her participation in Hotel activities. She was no Pentious. (The thought of Pentious weighed heavily on Charlie's heart. He had made so much progress, and it was all cut so short.)

"It's like... plan C or D... or like Q. But it's definitely a plan." Mimzy pulled herself over the broken window into the abandoned VoxTek store. "Now come on and let's see if anything worth stealing survived!"

"Mimzy no!" Charlie quickly hopped over the broken glass, through the shattered window in pursuit of Mimzy, who- for such a small Sinner- could really move when she wanted something.

"Oh, come on! Free shit is free shit! And if there's extra. We could resell them!" Mimzy seemed to notice Charlie's disapproving expression because she rolled her eyes. "And ya know, put the proceeds back into the Hotel or something. We call it a Fundraiser! Then it's not stealing and reselling, it's: Charity!"

"No." Charlie sighed a little. She really didn't think there would be anything left for Mimzy to steal, but that didn't mean she wanted the Sinner pawing through shattered glass. And on the off chance that she did find something, it should be returned to Vox anyway.

"Where's your sense of fun?" Mimzy gave a little huff. "He's closing the location anyway, right?"

"He was only thinking about it."

"This could help the Hotel."

"It really won't." Charlie didn't actually like being inside the abandoned store. The flickering lights and shattered glass were nothing new. She was Princess of Hell. She had clawed her way through plenty of destroyed buildings. Not so much during her childhood as her parents were fairly protective of her, but as an adult, navigating through destruction was nothing new. Still. Something about this store, in particular, was making her skin crawl. At first it was difficult to tell why she felt so unsettled... but as she looked around, her eyes adjusting to the sporadic lighting, she realized the bloodstains she had noticed earlier, were not the random splatters she had once assumed them to be.

It was writing.

Did you hear that?

The question was written all over the walls in different handwritings... even different languages. (Charlie, of course, was able to understand any human language- it was the gift of being the Devil's daughter. The Tower of Babble didn't really affect her ability to communicate.) Even this wasn't all that strange for the Doomsday District. Bloody writing on the walls was almost a part of the atmosphere. But typically, the writing was something more akin to: The end is nigh! We're all doomed! Or: It's the end of days! This was a bit off-brand for the doomsayers.

The writing was clearly tilted all of it leading in the same direction, combining in one specific point on the ceiling. Charlie followed the writing with her eyes to where it converged, the letters morphing into something unrecognizable as they drew close to that center point. The words almost looked more like... symbols?

The edges of Charlie's vision started to distort, just slightly, as if someone were burning the edges of a film. It was almost unnoticeable at first, but the closer Charlie looked to the center of the writing, the worse the sensation got. There was a faint ringing in her ears, the distortion became worse, bleeding into the rest of her vision. The text became completely incoherent, the ringing slowly getting louder.

"Ugh, there is literally nothing here that wasn't destroyed or stolen." Mimzy's voice broke through the sound and Charlie was finally able to blink her eyes and shake her head. "Guess I wasn't the only one with a good idea."

"It looks like it was mostly destroyed." Charlie's mouth was dry, her tongue felt almost swollen in her throat. "I hope no one was too hurt."

"Judging by all the blood, I'm assuming multiple people were incredibly hurt. But they're Sinners, sweetie, they'll be just fine!" Mimzy chuckled almost as if telling a funny story. She put her hands on her hips, giving one last look over the destruction. "Well, this was a fucking waste."

"Please, can we just leave now?" Charlie felt ice under her skin, the hair on the back of her neck was standing on end. There was an uncanny sense of dread that had settled heavily into the pit of her stomach.

"Yeah, what a bust." Mimzy shuffled some of the glass around with her shoe as she examined the last bit of the store. Charlie felt a pressure in her chest as Mimzy walked beneath the ceiling where the writing merged. Charlie opened her mouth to speak, however, Mimzy stopped on her own, shivering. "Fuck it, let's get outta here." She rubbed her ears shaking herself.

"Thank you." Charlie couldn't leave fast enough. Her eyes traveled along the writing, one last time, the ringing started in her ears as she felt almost drawn to look back. But she stopped herself. She already had a rough start to the morning; she would feel a lot better if she got back to the Hotel. She could bake some cookies! Surely her friends would need a pick-me-up if last night had been so intense!

"Between you and me, Princess, that place gave me the creeps." Mimzy clambered back through the window with Charlie close behind. "You can tell Velvette didn't help at all with that design."

"I mean, it was just an electronics store, I don't think that's something Velvette usually oversees." Charlie didn't know as much about the Overlords as, perhaps, she should given her position. But working with Alastor was probably a good place to start. And she knew Cain. Cain was the first Overlord, after all. So that probably counted. (Though she knew Cain as more of a fun uncle figure, and hadn't really seen him in a political light- but the point stood that she knew him. And it wasn't like Cain interacted with the other Overlords anyway.)

"That is something I can suggest when Vox dies and I join the Vees." Mimzy patted Charlie on the arm.

"I don't think Alastor will want you to join the Vees." Charlie could think of a plethora of reasons as to why Mimzy wouldn't join the Overlord trio. But that was the first one that came out of her mouth. Mimzy was Alastor's 'friend' after all. (At least that was how it was presented to Charlie.)

"Are you kidding? If it meant Vox died? He would love it!"

"Vox isn't going to die."

"You don't know that."

"It's not nice to say Vox is dying, Mimzy."

"But it is nice to publish an article about it!"

"No! No, it's not." Charlie knew enough to know that any sign of weakness could cause a multitude of issues for Hell's already unstable political climate. While Charlie didn't love Vox- or really have any opinion on him outside of using his apps and technology- she didn't want to see any of her people getting hurt and a turf war was never pretty. "So, why don't you write an article about something else instead?" Mimzy looked thoughtful for a moment, contemplating Charlie's suggestion.

"You're right."

"Thank you." Charlie let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"The article about Carmilla and Rosie's tragic romance will sell way more copies. And then I don't have to deal with Vox's stupid lawyers." Mimzy seemed to be speaking from experience. "He does not like it when I write about him."

"I am not sure anyone appreciates being written about in a gossip magazine." Charlie tried to reason with Mimzy. This might be a good opportunity for a lesson, even a small one, about empathy. "Especially when it's something negative. How would you feel if someone made up things about you and published them for all of the Pride Ring to read?"

"Free publicity. I would be flattered."

"You could write something about the Hotel." Charlie suggested.

"I have been! All about the spicy love-lives of the other patrons. You saw my earlier article."

"I sure did..." Charlie gave a soft sigh of defeat. "I was thinking something along the lines of how we help Sinners be better people. It might get us more patrons!" She wasn't really sure how many people read that trashy magazine, but Charlie would try anything to spread the word. Once she proved the Hotel worked, she had no doubt that Sinners would be lining up in the streets. But it was a slow process, and the earlier the Sinners started, the further they could be in their progress by the time that Charlie had her definitive proof.

"That feel-good fluff isn't news, honey." Mimzy patted Charlie on the arm as if apologizing to her answer.

"Princess?" A voice distracted Charlie from her brick wall of a conversation with Mimzy and Charlie realized that Zestial had almost materialized in front of them. (He did move rather silently.)

"Oh! Zestial! Hi!" Charlie wasn't sure why she was so surprised to see him, given that she was literally standing in his district. But the suddenness of his appearance had caught her off her guard. (She was probably still shaken up from the ruined store.)

"How fair thee, your highness?" He gave an elegant, fluid bow.

"I am well. Thank you." Charlie returned the bow with a curtsy of her own. Zestial was a bit old fashioned (and that was putting it nicely).

"I seeth thee has't new robes. 'Ti's not thy usual compliment extern."

"Oh no, it really isn't my usual look." Charlie laughed, rubbing the back of her (still expertly styled) hair. "Velvette sort of... helped me with my wardrobe." That was the simplest and nicest way of phrasing it.

"Velvette..." two of Zestial's glowing green eyes narrowed and the other two widened in a bemused look. "I shouldst has't known. You behold lovely, dear princess."

"Aw, thank you!" It was different, but different wasn't always a bad thing. And Charlie liked to hold to the idea that at least a small part of Velvette helped her to be nice. Maybe it was deluded to think that she was being anything other than selfish, but Velvette hadn't actually asked Charlie for the favor until after Charlie had thanked her.

"Princess, I pray the question is not perceived with mal-intent, prithee, what brings thee here?"

"Just passing through." Charlie hoped she hadn't given Zestial any reason to be suspicious of her. She had caused a bit of commotion just by walking around the Doomsday District, but it was hard not to, in her defense. Even as she just stood talking to Zestial on the street, a Sinner passing by flung themselves through a solid window with a terrified shriek, shattering it.

"Ah, yes. Apologies for the chaos, your highness. We hadst a particularly... rowdy night."

"Yeah, I heard. I saw Vox here earlier." Charlie was almost hesitant about bringing up the other Overlord on the off-chance Vox was lying about having Zestial's permission to be in his district. However, if Vox was lying, Charlie felt Zestial should still know he was here. Oh fuck- she hoped she wasn't starting some sort of new turf war.

"Ah yes," thankfully, Zestial seemed well aware of the other Overlord's visit. "Surveying the damages. We has't did discuss the possible complete closure of his location here due to frequent... incidents."

"That store was pretty messed up." Charlie thought about the ringing in her ears, the way her vision seemed to blur and distort when she looked at the walls. She shivered. "It might be for the best."

"Princess, thee behold as if't be true thee has't seen an unholy apparition."

"I mean we're in Hell. We're all unholy apparitions if you think about it." Charlie gave an awkward laugh. She really needed to work on her poker face. Zestial had read her expression so easily. (Though Zestial was one of the Overlords her family was on better terms with, from what she could recall. She didn't know as much as she should about her place in Hell's hierarchy.)

"Forsooth, 'tis true I supposeth." Zestial gave a small chuckle, but Charlie had a feeling it was more out of a desire to appease her, than it was out of any sense of genuine amusement.

"Hey, what exactly happened last night?" Charlie had heard tidbits from the Overlords that Mary-Lu had drafted into her little photoshoot. But it might be nice to get another perspective.

"A riot." Zestial didn't sound all that surprised by her question. "One of many across Hell from what I knoweth. They hath seemed centered 'round VoxTek locations. Perhaps a new vPhone dropped?"

"No, I definitely would have known if there was a new edition." Charlie shook her head. She wasn't as big on social media as some of her friends, but there was no way she would have missed a vPhone drop. When those came about, every single platform from TikVox to Slither was stuffed to the brim with annoying ads about all the new features.

"Then I knoweth not, princess." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders.

"I just hope no one got too hurt. There was a lot of writing in blood on the walls..." Charlie knew Sinners would regenerate eventually, but that didn't mean she wanted them to get hurt in the first place. They were her people, after all.

"Ah yes... those gents shall doth yond when a feeling of great... paranoia befalls them. Yond is to sayeth, once a day at the very least."

"Oh, well that makes me feel a little better." Charlie let out a sigh of relief. At least the bloody writing was normal. If she could coax a Doomsday District resident into her Hotel, that would be the first habit they would need to work on fixing. "Because it gave me a headache when I looked." She let out a relieved laugh. Zestial's expression changed, only for a moment he looked... concerned? Maybe Charlie had just imagined it.

"Aye, it doest... occur. Tis nothing with which thee shouldst concern thyself. But bid me, Princess? Has't thee seen Carmilla about?"

"Last I saw her; she was talking to Rosie." Charlie wasn't that surprised he was asking about Carmilla. Zestial and Carmilla has been allies for as long as Charlie could remember.

"Rosie," his eyes narrowed for a split second before his default expression returned. "Very good. Alas, I am afraid I wilt taketh mine leave. Doth be careful, Princess. And if thee runneth into ado in the Doomsday District, summon me, and I will gladly assist."

"Oh, yeah. Thank you." Charlie gave another curtsy as Zestial took his leave, swooping past her, into the ever-present shadows. She couldn't be sure, but it seemed as if he was heading in the direction of the ruined store.

"I didn't understand a word that guy said." Mimzy watched him go. "But damn if he didn't sound charming."

"He's kinda old fashioned." Charlie didn't really have an issue understanding him, but she wasn't surprised others might. Many of the older Sinners- her uncle included- adapted their dialect as languages evolved. However, Zestial had made the conscious decision to keep his speech (mostly) unchanged.

"Is he single?"

"I have no idea." Charlie barely knew about the political relationships between the Overlords, the intrapersonal aspects of their lives was completely unknown to her. She couldn't even look up an answer as news on the Overlords was overflowing with gossip just as unfounded as the stuff Mimzy made up. The Seven Deadly had a similar hoard of gossip articles, her dad- especially- suffered from an influx of made-up bullshit that would circle around Hell. Even Charlie would see the occasional article or drama video about how she was involved I'm a love affair with someone she had never met before. That came with the territory of being a royal in Hell.

"I bet I could make a great second in command for a guy like that." Mimzy looked thoughtful. "He looks like he knows how to treat a lady with respect."

"I thought you were joining the Vees or taking over DamnWay." Charlie didn't know why she was asking, as none of these seemed like likely options. And really Mimzy should have been putting her focus in Redemption, but that would come with time. Charlie had no doubt once Angel was Redeemed and she had solid proof of the Hotel's success, that Mimzy would immediately refocus her energy to make it into Heaven.

"Options, Princess. A girl needs to keep her options open."

"Right, well I think your best option is Redemption with the Hotel."

"That's just because your bias. I get it. You have a pet project. I have them too." Mimzy patted Charlie on the arm again, this time looking almost empathetic.

"Yeah... thanks." Charlie wasn't really sure how to react to Mimzy's new-found understanding. Unfortunately, she didn't have a lot of time to process the exchange as she heard a loud sound from behind her. She turned to see smoke wafting up in the direction from which she had just come. She should keep going, but curiosity had been her vice as of late, and she found herself walking quickly toward the billowing grey cloud.

"Wait! Where are we going?" Mimzy almost fell as she scrambled to follow Charlie. "You can't leave me here!"

"I wasn't going to." Charlie assured her as she helped Mimzy get steady on her feet before walking back toward the source of the noise. "I just wanted to be sure everything was okay."

"It's Hell is it ever okay?" Mimzy had to really hurry to keep pace with Charlie's much longer stride. Charlie didn't really give her an answer as she came upon the source of the smoke. The VoxTek store in which they had been standing only a half hour or so before, was now up in flames. Zestial stood in front of it, watching the fire blaze causing his already long shadow to look enormous as it fell over the building behind him.

"Zestial!?" Charlie called to him uncertainly as he seemed rather focused on the flames. He didn't respond for a moment, all four of his eyes narrowed as firelight illuminated his slender face. Charlie waited a moment longer before speaking again. "Zestial, what happened!?"

"Ah, Princess! Seeing thee again so soon tis almost comical."

"Did... did you blow up the store?" Charlie had a good feeling that she knew the answer, but she had to be sure.

"Aye." Zestial's gaze went back to the flames. "The shoppe did need to be destroyed. I hast nary a choice in the matter."

"What the fuck!?" There was a crackling sound as the air surged with electricity. Vox materialized in a flash, looking like he had left in a hurry. "Zestial!?" He turned to face the other Overlord."

"How fair thee, Vox?" Zestial smiled at him, seemingly unconcerned with Vox's apparent distress. (Charlie assumed Vox had been sleeping prior to his arrival. He looked far more disheveled than she had ever seen him. Vox always seemed to take the utmost care of his appearance.)

"How fair- are you fucking kidding me!? My store is on fire!" Vox gestured to the flames and Zestial turned his head, smile widening visibly.

"Aye. 'Twas by mine own hand."

"WHY!?" Vox took a deep breath, trying to visibly calm himself. "We had an agreement, Zestial. Remember? We shook on it and everything."

"Thy shoppe wast endangering mine own people."

"It's a fucking store! The only danger it posed was to their wallets. Jesus fucking Christ what's wrong with you!?" Vox had a hand on the side of his monitor shaped head as he surveyed the rising flames with obvious dismay in his expression.

"Nay." Zestial's eyes narrowed as he looked back at Vox. "Thou art falsing."

"You know?" Vox turned to look back at him, his expression going from shock to annoyance. "For once in my life I'm not. I'm telling the goddamn truth. It was literally just a store."

"Coystrill! Yond shoppe was brimming with dark charm!"

"YOU THOUGHT THE INTERNET WAS A FUCKING EVIL SPELL, YOU ANCIENT PIECE OF-" Vox was angry enough that the crimson blood was starting to drip out of the corner of his mouth. He stopped himself mid rant, taking a deep breath. "Sorry, Zestial," he put on the most unconvincing, sleazy smile that Charlie had ever seen. "I am just a little overwhelmed right now. We're on good terms, remember?"

"We were. However, I doth not associate with those that bring the Eldritch to mine doorstep." Zestial stood firm, making unwavering eye contact with Vox who sighed, massaging the top of his screen, closing his eyes for a moment.

"I didn't graduate from an Ivy League school to put up with bullshit from a man who thought a Polaroid camera would steal his essence." He was grumbling quietly, but Charlie could hear him so she had no doubt Zestial heard as well. Vox finally looked up. "It was a phone store."

"It brought paranoia and ruin onto mine people."

"It's the fucking Doomsday District!" Vox was becoming increasingly frustrated and Charlie could see it in his body language as he turned away from Zestial taking a few steps and finally turning back. "Paranoia and ruin is literally your brand!"

"Thee shouldst be wary of thy temper. I tooketh behoveful actions to assure the District's safety."

"You are making it very hard not to freak the fuck out on you right now. I hope you know that." Both of Vox's eyes were narrowed, he was frowning, arms crossed over his chest, jaw clenched.

"Hey now," Charlie wasn't about to be witness to a brawl between Overlords. The Doomsday District had taken enough of a hit last night, they didn't need any more damage and a full out fight between Zestial and Vox might level the place. "Everything was already destroyed inside the store, right?" She tried her best to downplay the raging inferno to her left.

"That was true." Vox replied. He and Zestial were still glaring each other down without much relief.

"And you just told me you were thinking of closing the store!" Charlie was making small amounts of progress. She could turn this into a lesson later on the power of de-escalation.

"That was a passing comment, not a fucking permission slip for this shadowy technophobe to nuke my goddamn building! That shit is expensive to build!" Vox's fists clenched a little tighter.

"Okay, I get that!" Charlie scooted in between the two, holding out her hands to keep them separate. "Zestial, maybe apologize for burning down Vox's expensive store."

"Nay."

"And he should have to pay me back for the damages." Vox either didn't hear Zestial's refusal, or simply didn't care. (Which was a far more likely option.)

"Now wait a second," Charlie was starting to worry that the situation was getting worse, "you also had a technological failure last night that did incite a riot in Zestial's territory. I am certain the damages were not cheap for him either."

"Tis true." Zestial looked quite satisfied with Charlie's assessment.

"Yeah, but that wasn't my fucking fault! I am looking into last night's incident." Vox protested. "it's the fucking Doomsday District anyway! You could drop a fucking hat and start a riot!"

"Right! I know that." Charlie had no idea if that was true or not, but she would just have to accept it at face value. "But there was damage nonetheless. So why don't you both just apologize to each other and try and work out something new? Maybe a fire proof store?"

"I cannot allow those who partake in such abominable magics to spread their dark intent across mine own realm."

"You thought the fucking rotary phone was a magical implementation of great evil! You called Thomas Edison a witch!" Vox was at his wits end.

"He was a witch." Zestial's smirk made it impossible to tell if he was being honest in his grievances or was simply just fucking with Vox.

"Why don't you both take a bit of time to calm down?" Charlie suggested as she tried to block the locked eyes of Vox and Zestial with her head. "I think we're all a little flustered thanks to the chaos from last night."

"Princess, do you honestly think this is fucking acceptable? He literally burned down one of my buildings I paid for because his people threw a riot! How the fuck is that fair!? I seriously question-" Vox was mid-rant when he hunched over and started coughing again. He covered his mouth, taking a moment to catch his breath. "Fucking fuck, I don't have time for your shit right now." His voice sounded a little hoarse.

"Then begone." Zestial took a visible step away as Vox started coughing.

"This isn't over." Vox narrowed his eyes once again.

"It very much is." Zestial seemed to get the last word as Vox's phone went off in his pocket. He rolled his eyes, flipping the middle finger toward Zestial as he turned around and pressed his other hand to the side of his head.

"This is Vox. Fucking Christ, Velvette, I stepped out for two goddamn seconds." And with a crackling sound, Vox vanished again.

"Apologies, Princess." Zestial pulled Charlie back, gently, by her shoulders before grabbing a jug of foul-smelling liquid from beneath his cloak and pouring it over the area where Vox had once stood, making a trail of it lead close to the fire. The flames caught and almost instantaneously, the liquid was set ablaze.

"I do think you and Vox will need to work this out at some point. Just promise me it won't result in a turf war? Pretty please?" Charlie didn't know Zestial that well, but like Carmilla, he was one of the Overlords with whom her parents had seemed more acquainted. Perhaps that held some sort of water.

"Nay. For a turf war, Vox wouldst need to be allowed back upon mine turf. Fare thee well, Princess." He tilted his feathered hat toward her before swooping into the shadows and vanishing once again.

"Ooooo, I am just stumbling onto all the juiciest drama today!" Mimzy's voice brought Charlie's attention back to her companion. (It seemed Mimzy didn't talk much when Zestial was around- apparently due to the fact that she didn't seem to understand him.) Charlie had been so focused on stopping a possible fight, that she didn't realize Mimzy had a DamnWay brand notebook and pen in her hand and was vigorously taking notes. "Vox is dying and Zestial is poisoning him!"

"That is not what you should take out of that conversation." Charlie didn't even know how Mimzy had gotten such an idea. "Vox is not dying, first of all. And Secondly, Zestial had nothing to do with him feeling badly. Even though we don't actually know that he is feeling badly because that isn't something we can prove without asking him." The coughing was probably a pretty good hint, but Charlie knew that assumptions were not going to help anyone.

"But he's totally dying and Zestial caused it." Mimzy chewed thoughtfully on her pen. "It says so right here in my notes."

"Right. Because that is something you made up. Which is why you wrote it down."

"I only write what I see, Princess. And these eyes don't lie."

"I'm not saying you're lying, just... Maybe... misinterpreting events."

"It's called subtext, Princess, and with you being a business owner who works with people, you'd think you'd understand such a simple concept."

"I feel like misinterpretation is still a better word to use here." Charlie countered as she and Mimzy started back on the path toward the Hotel. "Vox is going to be fine. Sinners can't be killed unless it's by an Angelic weapon."

"And that is why Zestial was definitely concealing an Angelic weapon in his cloak. I can tell that sort of thing from experience."

"I don't think that's true."

"Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, bless your heart." Mimzy shook her head and clicked her tongue in disappointment as she followed Charlie back toward their home. "You poor, innocent little thing. Think about it: Zestial is best friends with Carmilla- possibly even her lover. Carmilla sells what? Angelic weapons. And now, mysteriously, Vox is dying? You see the connection here, right?"

"No. Also, once again: Vox is not dying." Charlie reminded her politely.

"And now Rosie is involved?" Mimzy looked to be deep in thought. "I wonder how she connects to all of this."

"I don't think any of this is actually connected."

"Obviously Rosie knows about Carmilla's plan to help Zestial get rid of Vox- you know, because they're lovers! She must have been trying to pay Rosie hush-money! THAT'S why they wanted to talk in private!"

"Why is Zestial trying to kill Vox, exactly?"

"Please, Charlie, try to keep up." Mimzy looked a tad annoyed. "Because you saw how they were arguing. There is clearly some kind of long-standing animosity between the two of them! Also, Vox may or may not be a witch. I was a bit unclear on that whole point when they were fighting because, as cute as he is, I can't understand a fucking word Zestial says. He's one of those boys that's better seen and not heard."

"That's not very nice." Charlie wasn't going to argue with Mimzy on this point any longer as it seemed clear to the Princess of Hell that some forces could not be defeated with even her regal might, one such force- apparently- was Mimzy's dedication to make shit up based on completely random bits of evidence.

"He's trying to kill Vox. That means I don't have to be nice." Mimzy assure her. Charlie gave up for the moment. She had learned to choose her battles and only continued to debate Mimzy this long out of an (apparently misplaced) sense of hope that she might listen to reason... this time.

They reached the Hotel without much incident. Of course, Mimzy was still in a great mood as she burst through the door with Charlie behind her. Vaggie was instantly on her feet to greet her girlfriend, but came to a stop looking at Charlie's outfit in confusion. "Is that... new? Because I absolutely do not remember you dressing like that this morning... or... ever for that matter."

"Velvette made it for me." Charlie took Vaggie into her arms, hugging her tightly and giving her a tender kiss. God it was nice to be home. "You like it?"

"It's not your usual style, but I would be lying if I said you didn't look drop dead gorgeous." Vaggie put a hand on Charlie's cheek. "But you look great in anything, so I guess that's a bit of a loaded question."

"Aw, you're too sweet." Charlie nuzzled her cheek playfully.

"This was quite the adventure. I have so many articles to write I don't even know where to start!" Mimzy let out an excited squeal before bolting up the stairs, nearly bumping into Angel Dust who was on his way down.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, watch it will ya?" Angel dodged out of the way before going back to looking at his phone.

"What go into Mimzy?" Vaggie watched her go before turning back to Charlie. "I'll be honest, I didn't expect her to be in this good of a mood after being straight-up ignored by what's-her-name for God knows how long."

"Mary-Lu." Charlie sighed. "Her name is Mary-Lu. And we did a lot more than that photoshoot. Did you know Mimzy writes for the 'Demonic Deets'? Because that was news to me."

"The gossip magazine?" Vaggie raised her eyebrow. "No but now that you've said that; I can totally see it."

"Ugh." Angel Dust let out a frustrated groan as he flopped onto the couch, kicking up his legs and stretching his back. All the while he was still glued to his phone. Charlie gave Vaggie another little squeeze before making her way to Angel.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's just-" Angel finally looked up from his phone, eyes scanning Charlie from tiara to expensive heels. "Damn bitch, you look fucking amazing right now. You and bitch-tits going out?"

"No, Vaggie and I don't have anything planned. But I might keep this dress for the next time we do." Charlie did like the way Vaggie's face seemed to flush when she saw Charlie dolled up. (It might not hurt to ask Velvette for more fashion tips in the future, just for special occasions.)

"You should. You look like someone should pay you to step on them." Angel gave a nod of approval.

"Thank you, but what was it that was making you upset?" Charlie appreciated the compliment, but she didn't want it to distract her from possibly helping Angel. "If you want to tell me, that is."

"It's nothing big." Angel assured her looking back at his phone, his expression returning to annoyance. "It's fucking Val. He's barely called me for anything these last few months but now he's been texting me over and over again about last night's episode of 'Love after Death'."

"Oh? I didn't know he liked that show." Charlie was trying to be polite and not let her dislike of Val seep into her voice. She wanted Angel to feel safe talking to her.

"He doesn't. He says all of Vox's shows are shit. And he's mostly right. Except for Real Housewives of the Greed Ring. That show is fucking fantastic." Angel put the phone down, rolling his eyes. "I didn't watch the fucking episode. For one thing: I don't even watch Love after Death. And for another: I was in fucking bed."

"Is he mad that you didn't watch it or something?" Charlie couldn't imagine a situation in which Angel would be forced to watch a melodrama for work, but she didn't dare interfere less she upset her friend.

"He says he's disappointed which is fucking weird." Angel made a face. "I told him if he's that upset about it, he can have Vox send me a copy- not that he will. That Flat-Face fucker hates me." He smirked. "It's cause I'm prettier than he is." But his face instantly fell again. "But then Val was all: Oh no Angel, if you missed it, art can't be recreated or whatever. So, I was gonna ignore it, but fucking TikVox is going NUTS with people talking about how the episode is fucking transcendent. So, now I'm legit curious, ya know? I message Vox directly to ask and the fucker leaves me on read. Which he always does because, like I said, he fucking hates me."

"I don't think Vox hates you." Charlie had no idea how Vox felt about Angel, but it was hard to imagine anyone could hate him. "He's just... really busy right now. I saw him on my way back and he was arguing with Zestial."

"Oh fuck, really?" Angel perked up. "Did you record it? I bet that shit was hilarious."

"Well no... they were just talking about a store that got destroyed. Well... more like... arguing." Charlie gave a little shrug.

"Did Vox do his whole: I know better than you because I graduated from an Ivy League school, thing? He uses that shit on Val ALL the time when I hear them fighting." Angel laughed.

"He did mention his school." Charlie nodded.

"Miskatonic University." Angel snorted. "And don't you dare pronounce it wrong or he will fucking go off for like ten hours. He thinks he's hot shit because his parents probably paid a lot of money so he could brag about wasting years of his life in a stuffy fucking building surrounded by other pompous rich bitches. Who won the fight? Was it Zestial? I'm hoping it was Zestial."

"There was no fight." Charlie wasn't sure if there wouldn't be one later- but for now things had been left alone. "Vox accused Zestial of being paranoid and burning down his building- which he did do. And Zestial accused Vox of being... Eldritch? I think was the word... and also a witch." Eldritch... Charlie had heard the word once or twice before, but she had never been clear on the exact meaning.

"Eldritch?" Alastor's voice made Charlie and Angel both jump. "You don't say! Why that IS quite a fight."

"Alastor!" Charlie caught her breath. "How long have you been here?"

"Who knows? I truly am a man of great mystery."

"He walked in just a minuet ago." Vaggie replied flatly. Alastor's eyes narrowed for a moment, but his smile never wavered.

"And now I must head up to my room! I have much to do." He started up the stairs. Charlie watched him for a moment before biting her lip.

"One second guys." She gave a wave to Angel and Vaggie before running up the stairs after Alastor. "Hey!" She called to him as he had his hand on his bedroom door. He stopped, turning to look back at her.

"Hello!" He greeted her with the same enthusiasm he always used.

"You um... you went to a riot with Rosie last night?"

"Indeed! It was far superior to her original plan. A picture show? Can you imagine? Where's the creativity?"

"Y... yeah." Charlie gave a nervous laugh. Despite all the time he had been around, all the things he had done for the Hotel, Charlie still felt discomfort around Alastor. That smile could be disarming, but it could also be unsettling.

"Is that all?"

"When Zestial called Vox... Eldritch... what did he mean, exactly?"

"HA!" Alastor gave a single laugh but stopped the moment he saw Charlie's expression. "Oh dear, you're being serious." As if to emphasize his point, his little 'Oh Deer' mug materialized in his hand and he took a sip from it, never losing his smile. "I would have thought mommy and daddy would have discussed this with you. Then again, that is probably expecting too much from your dad, especially."

"Alastor." Charlie narrowed her eyes.

"No, no. I am simply saying that your father doesn't like competition. And who provides a bigger competition than beings who believe in direct interference with humans? Heaven and Hell are hands off. But The Elders, those responsible for eldritch magic? They love helping humans, living or dead. I can see where it might step on your father's tiny, little toes."

"They... help humans?" Well, that sounded really nice of them. But Charlie lived in Hell, she knew there was always a catch.

"This is all purely theoretical, Charlie dear." Alastor laughed. "It's just things I heard while I was on Earth. I doubt they're even real. I don't think Heaven would allow big magical beings to give gifts to living humans. It goes against their whole- we're the best thing ever motif." He wiped his gloved hand on his suit jacket as if buffing his claws. He examined his work, the glove hadn't really been dirty to begin with, not that Charlie had seen. But now it was definitely clean. "And Zestial being a paranoid old fart who thinks that the radio is borderline sorcery, is most likely just getting senile in his old age. If you ask me... he's been in power a bit too long. I worry the stress of it is getting to his head." Alastor's smile widened.

"I just-" Charlie was cut off as her phone started to ring. "Fuck. Hold on." She fumbled for her phone seeing: DAD across the screen. She immediately answered, turning around to face away from Alastor. "Dad?"

"Hey bitch!" Lucifer's voice sounded surprisingly cheerful. (Though she really wasn't sure why he felt like he had to greet her like this every time.) "I need your help for something, are you busy?"

"Help?" Charlie repeated. "Is this another lesson for Adam?"

"No, no, no, no, no." Her father quickly shut down that suggestion. "I mean... kinda. But it's not a Redemption lesson. It's more like... proving a point. Can you come to the house? If not, it's fine, but I would love your input."

"The house?" Charlie had only been inside twice since her father had promised her that he would make it available to her. And she hadn't made it past the foyer. (His excuse was that Adam now lived there, and he didn't want Charlie to have to put up with Adam's bullshit in her childhood home.) "I can actually go in? Not just stand awkwardly at the door?"

"Yeah, you can actually come in. In fact, you'll sort of have to." Her father didn't sound as avoidant as he usually did on the phone.

"I can be there." Charlie couldn't pass on this opportunity. "I'll leave as soon as I change clothes." No way she was going to go to see her dad dressed like this.

"Perfect! Love you, crabapple! I'll see you when you get here!"

"Love you too, dad." Charlie smiled, hanging up the phone and turning back to face Alastor... he was gone. Ah well. Charlie had to get ready anyway. She could always talk to Alastor after. But for now, it was time to see what her dad wanted.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 14: Bad Bitch

Things had been a little strange for the Vees.

It was hard to say when things had started getting... weird, but Velvette had to place it around the time that Exorcist motherfucker had clawed his way through Vox Tower. Not that it was really her problem, her things weren't affected by the unholy terror that had ripped through, leaving nothing but pain and irritation in his wake.

If anything, Vox was the one who seemed the most upset. Something about Alastor... she hadn't paid attention when he was venting to her (it was always something about Alastor). But that whole incident was months ago by now. He should really be over himself. Sure, Alastor could wriggle under Vox's skin like a parasite, but usually Vox chilled out after a few days of angry rants. But this fucking time he was struggling to let it go- to let anything go. Vox had always had a problem with... obsessing. Usually Velvette could ignore it, however, recently Vox was making it everyone's problem.

The asshole had even beefed-up security: just in case.

In case of what? In case Velvette was threatened by the ability to easily access her own fucking room? The abstract and absolute horror. He went so far as to keep changing the security codes at completely arbitrary points in time. Sometimes the dumbass would even forget to tell Val and Vel, so they would both be stuck just pounding on the reinforced doors until Vox realized his mistake and let them back in. It was a goddamn nightmare. And to make things worse, Velvette was going to have to go to a fucking meeting tomorrow with Mary-Lu. She owed that slimy bitch a favor after Velvette had chipped a nail right before a major photoshoot and somehow Mary had just slid right next to her with the exact perfect press-on matching in size and shape. Velvette would have admired the play, if it had been used on literally anyone else.

She should have been prepping and outfit planning for tomorrow, but in all honesty, Velvette didn't give a flying fuck about whatever Mary-Lu wanted her to do, and the rising Overlord would get what she got out of the newest of the Vees. It's not like Velvette had to try hard to look good, anyway. To people like her, perfection came naturally. But Vox was always on about keeping good relationships with the other Overlords (except Alastor, because- in Vox's own words- fuck Alastor). Apparently, it was easier to screw someone over at a later date if they thought you liked them.

Whatever.

It was just one fucking day. Velvette could put up with Mary-Lu for that long. At least she was one of the more recent Sinners. She understood Velvette's references and jokes better than most of the old hags that typically maintained power.

Velvette sat in her room at the vanity, the TV on in the background playing some new melodrama that Vox had introduced. It had only aired a few episodes, but Velvette's models who were hired to play the lead kept coming to her and begging to be changed to any other task. Apparently, it started out strong, but the scripts would sometimes go completely batshit. Not in the ways of grotesque violence or steamy sex- her girls were fine with that. But they insisted things just turned to nonsense as the script went on. It seemed fine from the bits Velvette had seen. It was all stupid. But that was the appeal.

She finished fixing her makeup, running her fingers through her hair one last time just to make sure she was absolute perfection. She hopped on her bed, in her cutest, hottest bedwear and leaned lazily on the pillows. She held up the camera. Nope. The lighting was all wrong. She got back to her feet and began rearranging all her lights before hopping back on the bed. She held up the phone again. Much better. Velvette adjusted her pose, fixing her hair on the pillow.

Snap.

Perfect picture.

She sat back up and immediately logged onto her Sinstagram.

@Radvelvetcakes: So tired from working hard. Look like a mess but feel like a badass. Night babes! #sleepy #nofilter

Instantly the picture took off. And why wouldn't it? She was a fucking celebrity. Her feed was flooded with thirsty Sinners and Hellborns alike. There were hate comments too, but haters were easily dealt with in a place where murder was legal. And Sinstagram wasn't as anonymous as people believed, at least, not when Velvette knew the man who had invented it.

Now that the internet was abuzz with talk of her gorgeous face, it was time to actually get ready for bed.

Velvette hopped in the shower to wash off all the makeup and hair products. It would be a nightmare for her in the morning if she left them on. She finished her shower, drying off, and putting on an actually comfortable set of pajamas. Between Vox and Val, there was no one at Vox Tower that was worth the effort of impressing. The Vees themselves lived in the penthouse, each with a massive suit that was large enough to be its own luxury apartment. When image was everything to a Sinner, it meant Vox spared no expense in assuring that his cohorts had the best of the best. Velvette walked into her kitchen, opening the fridge and shoving the alcohol out of the way to find a bottle of very expensive water. She grabbed it before heading back to the bedroom, taking an unceremonious swig of water before flopping back on the bed.

"Do you hear that?" The woman's voice reminded Velvette the TV was still on in the back.

"Do you hear that?" The actress repeated the words, the exact same, empty inflection. Was this supposed to be avant-garde? Vox was terrible with that artsy shit. It was really more Val's expertise. It could be that the actress in question was just fucking bad. But with all the great actors that had ended up in Hell, it seemed unlikely Vox would have to settle.

"Did you hear that?" The staging was also piss-poor in Velvette's opinion. The actress was completely alone, facing the camera. Who the fuck was she talking to? Maybe there was a co-star off screen. Velvette hadn't been paying enough attention to know. Or maybe she was supposed to be talking to the audience. Ugh. Was it supposed to be one of these fucking artsy the audience is a character pieces? Vox was no Shakespeare, that much was obvious.

"D-d y- h-r th-t?" The TV screen became distorted, the sound was going to shit. Fuck, someone must have knocked into one of Vox's broadcast towers. Velvette figured she might as well text the asshole and let him know his precious trash TV was being interrupted.

He probably knew, the egomaniac was always watching his own shows.

Velvette pulled out her phone and started to scroll for Vox's number. Before she could even get close, the screen froze. Yes, it was well known that Vox-phones were pieces of shit that relied heavily on the concept of planned obsolescence, but the Vees used a different phone, a special one that was far superior to the crap the masses fought over in the streets. It shouldn't have been malfunctioning.

The TV was only spewing static at this point. Velvette couldn't make out anything through the pixelated screen and crackling waves of static pulsing through her speakers.

Fuck, she was really starting to get a headache from the noise.

Nope. She was not doing this. Not tonight. Not after she was ready to pass the fuck out, curled up in her very expensive sheets. This was Vox's problem, and he was going to fucking fix it.

Velvette slid her fluffy slippers and elegant bathrobe on before throwing open the door to her suite and making a B-Line for Vox's place. She walked through the common area that all three of their rooms shared (a luxurious sort of lounge stocked with even more food and drinks- things that didn't fit in the Vees' respective kitchens), right up to the front door, knocking loudly. "HEY FUCKER ALL YOUR SHIT IS BUSTED!"

No answer.

Velvette knocked harder and much to her surprise, the door slid open a crack with her constant banging. That was... unexpected. Vox had been locking his place up like it was the bloody crown jewels. Every month he seemed to have invented some new, incoherent lock to attach to his door. So, the fact that it was open left Velvette feeling a little uneasy. She shook herself; she was an Overlord goddamn it, and no pissy, little corporate bastard was going to stop her from making her displeasure known. So, with no further hesitation, she stormed into Vox's living room.

It had been a while since she had been in here, Vox hadn't been inviting people up as much as he once did. There were multiple TVs, computers, drones, and all sorts of technology scattered about. Those that were on were currently flickering and playing that same static. So even Vox's fucking top-tier shit was affected by this. That was... unexpected. Velvette didn't see her target, so she continued deeper into Vox's home. The sound was worse the closer she drew to Vox's room. The door was cracked open and she could see that it was dark save for the flickering, synthetic light from various screens.

"Vox I'm coming in so if you and Val are fucking, say something now because I don't want to see that shit." Velvette made sure she was loud as she opened the door. She didn't actually think there was some steamy debauchery between the other two Vees. (She was pretty sure Vox and Val were on one of their breaks. They had been rather snippy at each other lately.) But Velvette just wanted to say something. The sound of her own voice could at least drown out some of that static. "So here I come."

There were TVs in Vox's room because, of course there were. The man couldn't be without his technology. Usually, he would use them to display security footage. So, in theory, those should have been working. But they weren't. It was the same, flickering, distorted screen on each of Vox's security monitors as it was on Velvette's TV. Velvette could see Vox, sitting straight up in his bed. His face was... gone.

Warped.

Velvette slowly reached toward him; the static around her was blaring louder than ever. She felt a wave of nausea washing over her as her hand touched his shoulder.

"Vox." She shook him gently at first, but he was as rigid as a corpse beneath her touch. She shook him harder. "VOX!"

A hand wrapped around her wrist so suddenly Velvette let out a small cry. She tried to pull back, but found she couldn't free her wrist from Vox's painfully tight grip.

"Velvette!" All at once the sounds stopped and Vox's face returned. He was smiling, but crimson blood was dripping from the side of his mouth, piling up on the edge of his screen and slowly starting to drip over, onto his bedding. "What brings you here at this unholy hour?"

"What the actual fuck are you doing Vox!?" Velvette was out of breath, but she recovered quickly. Stupid Vox had nearly scared the shit out of her with this new display.

"Sleeping." He looked more annoyed than anything else.

"No, the fuck you weren't! I know what it looks like when you're asleep and it's not whatever the bloody hell you were just doing."

"I don't know what to tell you, Vel. I was asleep." He rubbed his eyes, looking more exhausted than he had the last time she had seen him. "Had a fucking awful dream..." He stared off into space again for a moment. "Can't remember what about..."

"Look, all the VoxTek crap you push on us was acting batshit and I come in and you're..." She trailed off, she couldn't think of a word that fit what she had just seen. "I dunno... possessed?"

"Sleeping, Vel. I was sleeping, we just went over this." Vox stretched and shook himself; he wiped his mouth and saw the red stain on the sleeve of his pajamas in the dim light of the security monitors. "Huh."

"Is huh all you have to say for yourself?"

"I suppose I could also add: how the fuck did you get into my bedroom?"

"Your door was open."

"Impossible. I locked it before I went to bed."

"Well, I dunno what to tell you, Vox. I knocked and it literally just opened."

"But that..." Vox's eyes darted around for a moment. "Hm. Well, I suppose I'll have to deal with that."

"And while you're on it, fix all the bloody TVs, phones, computers... Everything in my goddamn room- no, actually, in the whole fucking tower- was going absolutely mental!"

"Uh... huh..." Vox's eyes flickered to the monitors above him, which of course had begun working fine now that Velvette actually had Vox to complain to. "Fine. Let me see your phone then." He offered his hand out and Velvette sighed, handing him her phone. Vox looked it over, fiddled with it for a few moments, and handed it back. "I dunno what to tell you, Vel. It seems fine to me. All the diagnostics are normal.

"Ugh. Never mind." Velvette ran a hand through her hair. "I'm going to bed."

"Ah yes, hopefully no one wakes you up."

"You weren't sleeping you fucking prick!" Velvette stormed off. She was too tired for this bullshit. She had already gotten all ready for bed and all she wanted to do as pass the fuck out and forget this whole night. She made sure to slam the door to Vox's room before she made her way back to her own suite. She flopped down on her bed, plugging her phone in before finally getting to close her eyes. She had been so tense when talking to Vox she hadn't realized how badly her head had been hurting. Those boys could always find a way to give her a migraine. Maybe it was for the best that she was going out with Mary-Lu tomorrow; it would at least give her a break from the constant presence of her fellow Vees. She felt like she deserved at least that much. (At this point it may have been a downright necessity.)

For the first time in a while, Velvette slept like shit.

When she awoke, her headache had eased, but she hardly felt rested. She rolled over to see spots of red on her pillow. Where the fuck had those come from?

Velvette got to her feet, walking to her bathroom, flipping on the lights and looking at herself in the mirror. It was impressive how, even though she felt like shit, she still looked amazing. She started to fix her hair, but in the process felt something... sticky congealed in her otherwise perfect locks. Velvette took a closer look in the mirror.

Blood?

It had mostly dried but...

Velvette turned her head, dried blood was in her hair and smeared on either side of her head, Carefully, she took a cloth and wiped at her ears. Sure, enough the cloth came back stained red. How the fuck had she managed to do that to herself? She cleaned the blood off her face and out of her hair, checking herself for any sort of injury. There was nothing she could see. That was... certainly an unpleasant way to start the morning. Ah well, the show must go on.

Velvette got dressed back in the same cute nightwear from before. Fixed up her hair, her makeup, and headed back to her bed. She had to flip the pillow over, hide the blood. That wasn't on brand for the picture she was taking. She got her lighting all perfect, before lying in her bed once more, fanning her hair out over her pillows and holding up her phone to get the perfect shot. Then it was back to Sinstagram.

@Radvelvetecakes: Morning babes! Just woke up~ Still kinda tired lol, but there's too much to do. 3. #morningroutine #nofilter #bedhead

She absolutely did not have bedhead, but it made the post look more legitimate. Now it was time to get a cute picture of her breakfast. She put on a much fancier robe (she had yet to decide if she was going to be in said picture or not, but it was best to have the option), and headed out to the joint lounge. She was the first one out in the morning, which was fine by her. She wasn't really in the mood for social interaction until she had her coffee. She grabbed a cute mug that matched her outfit, picking out some of the most expensive and beautiful fruit and setting them up against the cup as she started her coffee. She poured a quick bowl of oatmeal, decorating it with some blueberries and strawberries to give it that nice pop of color. She sat back down taking a few pictures of her display.

@Radvelvetcakes: Starting the day with a healthy breakfast! #yummy #morningroutine #fitandfine

Her coffee was ready, she shoved the food aside and grabbed a bowl of sugary cereal. Sometimes she would eat her set up, but not today. Today she wanted junk. She grabbed the coffee pot, pouring it into her mug, adding a plethora of milk and sugar until that bitter taste was barely detectable. She put her cheek in her hand and shoveled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.

"Goooooood morning~" one of the doors flew open and Valentino practically floated out of his room. He looked refreshed, well-rested; he was in a great mood. This had become commonplace for Velvette. Val seemed to be floating on cloud nine for the past few months, and Velvette wasn't complaining. At least someone was in a good mood. "Saw your post~ Cute look. Love it."

"Thank you." Velvette nodded to him. She had gotten his like and comment, but Valentino was always good about interacting with her stuff. "You look good this morning."

"I look good every morning."

"You know what I mean. I slept like fucking shit thanks to Vox's malfunction."

"Malfunction?" Val paused, drink in hand. "You mean because he's been such a moody little bitch recently? I don't know what crawled into his ass and died, but I am not letting him rain on my parade."

"No, last night, everything went bloody haywire and I had to basically go yell at Vox personally." Velvette shivered a bit at the memory of Vox's rigid form.

"Huh..." Val grabbed a pastry out of the glass case- freshly made by VoxTek staff every morning. "I didn't really pick up on anything last night. I was thinking he was feeling better, between you and me. Guess that's too much to ask."

"I don't know what's gotten into him, but he's becoming a fucking nightmare."

"You're telling me." Val took a seat beside Velvette. "Oh, we both look cute. We need a pic!" He took his phone out. Velvette sighed, picking up her cup.

"You're right we both look incredible. Let's do it." She made a cute pose as Valentino took the picture. She trusted his eye, she knew if he posted it, she would look amazing.

"Ugh," the last door swung open and Vox practically stumbled out. He already had a coffee in his hand, in his custom 'Fuck Alastor' mug. It seemed all three Vees felt like being in the lounge for breakfast. Velvette was here for the lighting and backdrop; she wasn't entirely sure what had the others' excuse was. "Holy fucking shit I feel like I was hit by a bus."

"You look like it too." Val had both hands around his glass as he took a sip. Velvette could see the bite on his arm as his sleeve drooped, it had pretty much healed up. She could only see pale, pinprick marks where the teeth had dug in. Good to see it was pretty much gone, the human mouth was a disgusting place- Val if anyone should know that- so it made sense he would have taken good care of it before it got infected.

"Shut up." Vox flopped down on the last remaining chair. He had his cup in one hand, and his phone in the other. "I have so many fucking work requests from last night. Half of Hell is up my ass about the TVs and phones messing up."

"That's so weird, I didn't notice anything..." Val gave a little shrug. "I thought last night was some of your beat work on that new soap opera."

"I didn't get to see any of it because my bloody TV went batshit." Velvette gave Vox an annoyed look.

"I dunno what happened, I was asleep." Vox kept scrolling through his messages looking more and more exhausted.

"I told you last night, you weren't asleep." Velvette watched Vox carefully. "You were fucking dissociating or something."

"What are you talking about?" Vox finally looked up.

"Last night? When I came to your room?"

"What?"

"I came into your room and shook you?" Velvette kept her eyes on Vox but he looked genuinely confused. "Remember?" He blinked.

"Vaguely..." he took a sip of his coffee. "I kind of thought I dreamed that."

"No. You didn't." Thinking back on it, maybe Velvette should have gotten Val to go with her into Vox's room. Not that she wasn't confident in her ability to fuck Vox up, should the need arise, but having another witness to what she had seen might have made Vox more inclined to listen.

"I am swarmed with either messages telling me that everything I made is shit, or telling me last night's episode of Love After Death was the best one I've ever made. Which episode even was it?"

"Oh, it was really good, Vox." Val leaned over on his elbows. "Usually your stuff is pretty contrived, but last night was something special."

"So, your TV didn't freak the fuck out? Because mine did." Velvette raised an eyebrow at Val. Maybe he had somehow been skipped over by whatever the fuck had been screwing with the electronics in Vox's and Velvette's room. Why did he get a free pass? Was he using something different? No way Vox would give Val something better than what he used for himself. Sure, they were fuck-buddies, but Vox would always value himself more than either of the other Vees. Not that Velvette cared, she was the same way. An alliance was nice and all but they were all only here for themselves.

"No, not at all." Val took another sip from his drink. "It's a shame yours did, Velvette." He sounded surprisingly disappointed. "I was really hoping you would have seen it." Velvette raised an eyebrow at Valentino, glancing over at Vox who looked equally confused.

"I'm sure it'll be on Vox Plus." She wasn't really into any of Vox's silly late-night soaps, she preferred his reality TV. But if Val liked them, that was fine.

"Doubtful. True art can really only be appreciated in the moment." Val sighed heavily. "It's a shame, really. I had such high hopes for you Velvette."

"Dude, it's Love After Death, not fucking Hamlet." Her eyes narrowed. There was a moment where it looked as if Val wanted to say more, but he changed his mind.

"There's still time. Not today though," he took his glass and headed back to his room. "I have a lot to do." He glanced back at Vox who was almost falling over in his coffee from fatigue, his phone slid out of his hand and onto the floor. "For the company, of course." And with that his door shut.

"Okay, fucking weird." Velvette turned her attention to Vox. "Wake the fuck up before you spill something." She noticed a black stain on his sleeve. "Or rather, something else." It was a good thing that it was just the two of them, Vox took a great deal of pride in always looking pristine, so having a stained sleeve- unless it was with Alastor's blood- would have driven him crazy.

"Huh? What?" Vox blinked nearly throwing his coffee as he jerked back awake. "Where's my phone?"

"You dropped it."

"Ah fuck." Vox reached down and picked it up off the floor. He went to get up but smashed his head on the table, dropping the phone again. "Double fuck." He finally managed to sit back up with the phone in his hand. But it was a struggle.

"Maybe you should take some time off..." Velvette watched the comedy of errors unfold before her. "You're practically falling apart."

"I'm fine, Velvette. No one calls out of work for being a little tired. I mean, I won't let them." He chuckled to himself. "That being said, the underlings won't do exactly what I want unless I micromanage them~" At least he was sounding a bit more like himself. Vox coughed into his arm before taking another sip of his coffee.

"Right. Well, if you aren't feeling better by the end of the day, maybe just sleep early." It was a waste for her to say any of this. Vox would do exactly as he pleased. Still, she would be lying if she said she wasn't at least the smallest bit concerned for him. He hadn't been himself lately and he just seemed so worn down...

"Yeah yeah." Vox was on his phone again. "Sounds good. But I am fine, Velvette, dear."

"If you insist." She finished her food and got up. "I have to go to a meeting with Mary-Lu today, so if you need me, I'll be in her headquarters."

"The DamnWay CEO?" Vox finally looked up. "Didn't realize you two had gotten buddy-buddy.

"We're not. But I owe her a favor."

"She pays good money for adds from us, so do try and play nicely."

"I'm not nice. Plus, I thought you hated that bitch because her Anti-Exorcist oil or whatever it is, was competing with your Angelic Security. "

"No, but you can be fake-nice with the best of them. So, say whatever she wants to hear, you don't have to mean any of it. Half of what I say to the other Overlords is bullshit. It's the same for them too. No one is honest in the entertainment or sales industries. It's not about that, it's about results. You're right, I don't really like her, but I like that she throws lots of money at me every time there's a new product she needs to push on unsuspecting viewers."

"I mean it depends on how insufferable she is planning on being. But I'll do what I can to be at least civil."

"Maybe don't sing an entire song telling her that she is an old hag that needs to fuck off."

"Well, she's not old. I think she's about my age. But I still might have to tell her to fuck off if she bugs me too much."

"Velvette, I am counting on you to represent the company."

"Yeah. Okay." Velvette rolled her eyes. At least Vox sounded like himself again- if not a little hoarse. "Like I said, if you need me, feel free to get me out of this." She would just have to make it up later, but at least it would break up the amount of time she would have to wear that fake-ass smile that Mary was expecting.

"A favor is a favor, Velvette. I am sure it won't consume too much of your day." Vox seemed remarkably unconcerned. Fucking asshole didn't give a single, solitary shit about Velvette's plight.

"Be back later." She walked back into her room to get ready. She needed to look cuter than Mary-Lu, which wasn't hard as she always wore that stupid red blazer. Still, Velvette couldn't do anything too simple, she was still a fashion icon. Hell would still look to her to know what was in style. So, she snapped her fingers, the fabrics around her forming something new, something with some nice cool, blue tones that would really stand out in contrast to Mary's red. She made a dress, then thought better of it, switching to a cute top and long, tight pants. That would definitely make her look fantastic.

Perfect.

Another snap and she was in the outfit. Now all she had to do was fix up her hair. Something semi-professional would definitely make Mary happy. Would glasses be pushing it? Too nerdy? She looked back at herself in the mirror. No. Not if she made them chic. Oh, she looked more like a stylish, corporate girl than Mary-Lu. It was perfect. It was on brand for her to completely outshine whoever she was with. If Mary-Lu had a problem with it, then that was on her. Velvette couldn't help being the best.

By the time she walked back out, both Vox and Val were gone. That was fine. She had other things to do.

She made her way out into Hell, over toward the Damnway district, a small area on the outskirts of Pride that had popped up almost overnight and spread outward like a plague over the other Overlords' territories. It was a Pyramid scheme, so rapid growth was expected, eventually it would stall out. Velvette simply had to wait.

She went to the front of the building, a Sinner in the matching red blazer was there to greet her. "Velvette! So happy you could make it! Mary-Lu is waiting for you in the studio!" She gestured for Velvette to follow as she led her into an elevator and up to a nice penthouse suite. There was a pool partially closed off behind glass, a massive theater sized TV, and other forms of entertainment scattered everywhere. Mary-Lu was sitting, legs crossed at the bar where another red-jacket wearing Sinner was serving her a drink.

"Velvette! Hey hun!" Mary-Lu instantly waved her over. "Mimosa?" She was smiling from ear to ear, but Velvette noticed she wasn't rushing to get up like she usually would. If Velvette didn't know any better, she would have sworn she saw the ever-enthusiastic Mary-Lu stifle a yawn.

"Actually, yes. That sounds fucking amazing right now." Velvette took a seat beside her and was instantly handed a mimosa in a cute little glass.

"So glad you could make it! I was hoping we would get some time together. I must say, I really admire what you do. Your social media following is truly something worthy of envy."

"It's true." Velvette never minded flattery. Even if it was fake, it was nice to hear others admired her empire. She made vital contributions to the Vees.

"I know this probably isn't how you want to spend your day, but I promise you this isn't all about work. We are going to have fun today too!"

"What is it that you are going to make me do, exactly?"

"I just want a few photos, nothing dramatic and you can have complete control over wardrobe. We're launching some new products and I know that your image gets sales."

"Of course it does." Velvette took a sip from her drink. At least Mary-Lu had the decency to provide alcohol. "You get one picture, you only helped with one nail."

"Individual? Or group?"

"One of each." Sure, she was being generous, but this was a damn good mimosa. "But I get to keep whatever I pose with." Also, DamnWay had a great shampoo that she would never publicly admit to using (without proper payment of course).

"Sounds fair." Mary offered her hand to Velvette. "Deal?"

"Deal." Velvette shook her hand. There was a brief surge of energy that always accompanied a binding deal, and everything was back to normal. "So shall we get this over with?"

"Oh, we can't. Everyone isn't here yet." Mary chuckled to herself. "But I am sure they will be here shortly. Not everyone is as prompt as you. Or they were held up by all that chaos last night..."

"Chaos?" Velvette had certainly had a night to forget, and Vox had mentioned all the complaints, but a few glitched signals didn't typically cause that much chaos. Then again, this was Hell and a small inconvenience could really make people overreact (especially in the Doomsday District, bunch of drama queens.)

"I only heard about it from some of my girls. I was too busy trying to figure out why my fucking phone was acting like a piece of shit. I need my phone Velvette. My entire business is on my phone." Mary-Lu laughed but it sounded more angry than joyful. "I can't make sales or do team meetings without my phone."

"Right." Velvette stared into her glass for a moment. If Mary-Lu had been affected, it was easy to assume this spread all over the Pride Ring.

"I mean, I suppose you understand me more than most." Mary-Lu's singular eye was watching Velvette. Since she was associated with Vox it made sense that Mary would try and pump her for information. But even if Velvette had answers, she wouldn't share them. What happened at VoxTek stayed between the Vees.

"My phone is important." Velvette wasn't going to give her too much of a response. "If I didn't have it, Hell wouldn't know what to wear or what to think."

"You are truly a kindred spirit in that way." Mary turned her head right as the elevator door to the penthouse slid open again. "Hey hun! So glad you could make it!" Velvette turned around as well, her eyes widened as she saw none other than Rosie enter the room, smile plastered on her face. She seemed to be remarkably energetic- though that may simply be because she hadn't suffered the same rough night that Velvette had.

"Pleased as punch to be here!" Rosie left her parasol by the door. "Oh Velvette! I didn't know you were coming too!"

"I invited a few people. This is a big product launch. I know Mirabel told you all about it." Mary snapped and her red blazer clad employee poured another drink for Rosie. Velvette didn't know who exactly they were discussing, but she could assume it was a Cannibal. Velvette interacted with them as little as possible, for obvious reasons.

"She did! And she told me if I agreed to come, you could get us more of that tooth polish." Rosie accepted the drink, joining Velvette at the bar. The Cannibal Overlord took a small vial out of her pocket and added something red to her drink before taking a sip. Even when drinking she never lost that smile. Velvette could feel the bulging, reflective black eyes staring at her as she looked back at her phone.

"Tooth polish in three new flavors, actually, but I am spoiling the surprise." Mary was more relaxed around the Cannibals than Velvette felt someone with human flesh should be.

"Oh, that'll be such a treat to bring back to the others!" Rosie clapped her hands together in excitement. Mary looked briefly at her phone before gesturing for her bartender to make another drink before the elevator doors even whooshed open. If Velvette was thrown off by Rosie's presence, her jaw almost hit the floor as Carmilla walked in looking annoyed.

"Marie-Lu." Carmilla was about as soft and friendly as a cactus, and with that outdated hairstyle she sort of resembled one. She looked even more annoyed to be here than Velvette felt. Mary-Lu just smiled handing her a glass.

"Come! Sit! Have a drink!"

"Velvette, Rosie." If Carmilla was surprised to see them, she didn't show it. She sat on Velvette's other side.

"How the fuck did she draft you?" Velvette arched an eyebrow at Carmilla who simply ignored her in favor of downing the entire mimosa in one gulp. She looked... tired. It wasn't super noticeable, but up close, Velvette could tell. Probably up doing late-night weapons deals. It's not like most of Hell liked being up early. Often times Velvette would wake up just for a photo bragging about an early start to her day and then she would go right back to sleep.

"This is turning into a real girl's night!" Rosie seemed pleased to see Carmilla. "How ya been, Carm?"

"Rosie." Carmilla didn't really give Rosie much of an answer. She held out her drink and Mary-Lu's underlings refilled it without a word.

"What? I don't get a hello?" Velvette knew Carmilla's opinion on her, but that was no reason for the other Overlord to ignore her. Velvette thrived on attention, negative or not.

"Velvette." Carmilla's eyes narrowed.

"This is almost everyone!" Mary-Lu seemed incredibly pleased with her current companions. Velvette did have to wonder what strings he had pulled to secure a meeting with the crème de la crème of the Pride Ring. Sure Mary-Lu was an Overlord, but she wasn't nearly as well established as the others in the room. This would definitely be something Velvette would have to tell Vox. Hopefully it didn't result in him trying to one-up DamnWay in some over-the-top fashion that would result in Velvette having to entertain Rosie- or worse- Carmilla on her own turf.

"Damn, I way overslept." The door slid open one more time as Missi Zilla almost stumbled in. "I am still a bit hung over from last night." She looked the worst of any of them, but Velvette rarely knew Missi to be up this early.

"Missi! You made it! I am so glad all of you could come to my new product line photoshoot!" Mary-Lu ran over with a massive glass the size of her torso, filled with mimosa, in her arms. Missi grabbed the glass, seemingly pleased to see glassware in her size. (It was shocking Mary-Lu even had something like that, nevertheless, that she was able to lift it. She was stronger than she looked.) Missi gave a toothy grin, tail swishing. She downed the glass with ease, her eyes widening as she spotted the other Overlords sitting across from her. "There is still just one more..."

"Oh shit! Rosie! I saw you last night!"

"Oh yes! At the riot." Rosie gave a friendly wave.

"Riot?" Velvette leaned back on the counter, tapping her empty glass. It was instantly refilled. "Rosie, you never struck me as the riot type.

"Oh, who doesn't love a good riot now and then?" Rosie chuckled to herself. "Al and I were just in the right place at the right time to enjoy it."

"You both kicked respectable ass but you really have to learn to get in there. Staying on the outside of the mob prevents you from doing maximum damage." Missi waved the glass and Mary-Lu's underlings swarmed around her, lifting a giant pitcher to refill it without her having to ask.

"I was really only in it for the light snacks." Rosie reached into her bag, pulling out a little container filled with body parts. "Any of these belong to your people?"

"If they did, you can keep them. Trophies, snacks, who gives a shit. If they wanted to keep their fucking fingers, they would have fought harder." Missi didn't look nearly as off put by the container as Velvette felt- being next to it and all. It did not smell great.

"You two were at a riot?" Carmilla must have forgotten to bring any sense of fun to the little party. "Was it the one in my district? Because we agreed that-"

"Nah, I know the dumb treaty." Missi made a face, clinking her empty glass with her nail. The bartender ran over and quickly refilled her drinks.

"We were over by the cinema. I was trying to talk Al into seeing this absolutely delightful picture- but you know how he is about film. Won't see any talkies. Luckily this was a lovely silent film." Rosie shook her head. "Never did make it to the picture show. But you know how riots get. They can be quite time consuming."

"That's what makes 'em fun." Missi gave a toothy grin.

"Wait that's in our territory! What the fuck you two?" Velvette hadn't even realized there was a riot. It would never get close to Vox Tower with all the security he had in place, but still, Overlords shouldn't be fighting on each other's turf. "If you killed any of our guys-"

"It's a fucking riot I wasn't paying attention to who I was killing. Just how many." Missi didn't really seem all that deterred by Velvette's annoyance. "Twenty-five, by the way."

"Oooo, very nice." Rosie clapped her hands together. "I did see a lot of body parts just go flying in the center of that mob."

"What about you, Rose? What's your count?" Missi staggered over standing between Rosie and Carmilla, cutting the weapons specialists out of the conversation entirely with her body. Her tail nearly knocked Carmilla's stool out from under her. Carmilla stood, looking annoyed and walked over to join Mary-Lu.

"You know I don't keep track of that sort of thing. Riots are just a fun time. A good way to get some snack food since the angel meat is running out- it stays good forever, you know. But it's very popular."

"Ha, you're fucking gross, Rose. I love ya." Missi slapped Rosie on the back. Velvette didn't particularly want to hear about any of Rosie's "food", so she stood up as well.

"You both shouldn't have been fighting on our turf." Velvette would have to tell Vox about this part too. Just great. He was already paranoid, hearing the other Overlords were caught battling in his territory was going to make him a thousand times worse. The door codes were all changing again. (Maybe she should text Val and give him a heads up.)

"It wasn't like I went straight out into your territory looking for a fucking fight. I was at a party, but then the people started getting really antsy- something about their phones getting all fucked up. I dunno, I wasn't really paying attention, but I could tell the mob was getting ready to snap, so when all the people surged outward, I just kinda went with 'em. Next thing I know they are trying to knock down one of them big ol' towers that Vox has set up. But some of the other Sinners tried to stop 'em. Suddenly, it's a full out brawl!" Missi started punching the air, her tail thrashing back and forth, sending Carmilla's stool that she had abandoned, careening into Mary-Lu's window. It ricocheted right off, back onto the floor.

"I don't think any of the towers were taken down." Velvette was certain if they had been damaged, Vox would have known instantly and he wouldn't have been nearly as calm at breakfast.

"You're welcome." Missi grinned at Velvette who rolled her eyes.

"So sorry I'm late..." the elevator swished open again and Velvette saw the princess herself walk in, a tiny Sinner at her heels like a desperate puppy. "There is a lot of destruction today and the Doomsday District is nearly impassable."

"Charlie! Hey hun!" Mary-Lu handed her a drink. "And you brought our little sales associate with you!" While Mary was smiling, Velvette could see the irritation in her eye. She had been fake-nice enough to know the technique through and through. It figured Mary wasn't big on plus-ones. Still there was no way she'd go off on the Princess.

"Yeah, Mimzy really wanted to come along. Oh Rosie! Carmilla!" Charlie smiled cheerfully waving at the Cannibal and the soulless bitch, each in turn. "I didn't know this would be a group thing!"

"Surprise!" Mary-Lu clapped her hands together. "I am unleashing a new line of bags: Boss Bitch Bags. For the toughest, most commanding babes in Hell!"

"That's why you got all of us." Carmilla crossed her arms over her chest, careful not to spill her drink.

"That is such a great idea, Mary-Lu!" Mimzy, at least that's what Velvette assumed the little Sinner was called, spoke up. She had certainly never met the woman before. She was one of Charlie's desperate entourage. Throwing oneself at the Princess of Hell was a decent technique to assure one's safety. But that was really more for the weak. Velvette didn't need bigger names to bail her out.

"I know. And I am loving the enthusiasm Mimzy, honey-pie! But you need to stay out from underfoot or you might get crushed." Mary-Lu's sweet laugh did wonders to hide the obvious threat in her words.

"I am not sure I would call myself a 'Boss Bitch'..." Charlie wasn't as sold as her little cohort.

"Charlie! You are a business owner! You have your very own hotel where you makeover Sinners!" Mary-Lu put an arm around the Princess, pulling her into a forced little side-hug.

"Redeem. I redeem Sinners." Charlie's smile looked forced.

"Exactly what I said, sweetie. A makeover of the moral variety. I love it! You are such an inspiration for the women of Hell. You all are!" Mary-Lu finally released Charlie going back to the group. "So, I thought, who better to inspire the masses with this truly unique and trendy line of bags, than Hells most powerful, sensational, and sexy ladies!" Oof, she was laying it on real thick, especially since it was obvious no one was here by their own volition- except maybe Missi. But Velvette could assume each and every one of them was in a similar situation to herself. At least it was only handbags. And a line called: Boss Bitch was pretty on brand for Velvette.

"I mean... that does seem nice when you say it like that." Charlie scooted away from Mary-Lu and toward Rosie. It was a weird choice, but perhaps the princess was confident in the fact that she didn't taste very good.

"And I am donating some of the proceeds to help young Hellborn ladies!" Mary-Lu's promise earned her a rather skeptical look from the princess.

"I... no offense, I highly doubted that."

"It's true! We at DamnWay value putting back into our community!" Mary-Lu's smile widened.

"How much?" Velvette didn't believe it either. There weren't charities in Hell, for starters. The only ones she knew of were the ones Vox had made up so he could run telethons.

"The percentage is classified. If you want to know you could always join up!" Mary-Lu's forked tongue flicked out between her fangs as she gave her best, most charming smile. Charlie took a step back.

"No thank you!"

"Well, now that everyone is finally here! We can get started!" She snapped and more of the coat-wearing underlings came flooding in with bags in their arms.

"Again, really sorry about being late. I wasn't expecting things to be that destroyed." Charlie was too polite for her own good. And she was the princess, she was older than Velvette, and should be more than accustomed to the inconveniences that rowdy nights in Hell could leave for the mornings. It was the main reason why nothing was really scheduled before noon. Mary-Lu must have just missed that memo.

"I might have done some of that damage. Sorry not sorry." Missi grabbed a bag out of the arms of the Sinners holding it, it was the only one that matched her immense size. "There was a big riot. Lots of fun, you shoulda come!"

"There was a riot?" Charlie looked genuinely surprised. "Usually, they don't leave that much cleanup."

"Well, this one was fucking huge." Missi was on her... maybe sixth drink at this point. "I killed so many people you shoulda seen it!"

"That's..." Charlie looked incredibly uncomfortable. Perhaps, this whole affair was worthwhile after all just to watch the Princess squirm as she was forced to play nice with the other Overlords. "Nice."

"Well, if we are being technical," Mary-Lu picked up a handbag and handed it to Charlie, "there were fifteen different riots in Pride Ring alone. There were twenty recorded in total across the other rings."

"Bullshit." Velvette examined the bags in question and picked the one that was the least obnoxious. "You're a Sinner, you can't know what the other rings are doing." Vox knew, but Vox had spent years cultivating a network that crossed the rings.

"I have a lot of sources." Mary-Lu's smile widened. "Oh, what a great choice Velvette! It will really detract from that tiny bit of blood in your hair. Did you kill something on your way over?"

"I do not have blood in my fucking-" Velvette knew she had washed it all out. But Mary-Lu simply pulled a few strands toward Velvette and she saw a very small amount if congealed blood sticking them together. Velvette's eyes snapped to the blood then to Mary-Lu.

"Sorry hun, I could smell it."

"You don't even have a fucking nose."

"Neither do you." Mary-Lu's smile never wavered. "But if you want to be certain you get all those nasty blood spots out of your hair or clothes, we have a great line of products that is specifically for that! Blood is a real problem for a boss babe on the go. You gotta teach a lesson to some rowdy pests, but you also have to look sleek and hot for a meeting-"

"Don't pitch me, I'm only here because of that fucking nail." Velvette was never in the mood for one of these over dramatic presentations. If she wanted to hear a bunch of made-up bullshit about products that didn't work, she'd go to Vox. "The blood probably just dripped on me when I was on the way over." Or maybe she had missed a trace amount when she was cleaning it out of her hair.

"If it did, it was probably my fault." Missi sounded remarkably proud. "Like I said, I killed a whole lotta fuckers at the riot. You can ask Rosie."

"I did see a lot of body parts flying." Rosie confirmed with a giggle.

"Oh, you were there too, Rosie?" Charlie looked surprised.

"Missi and I ran into each other at the same riot. It was quite the fun time. Did Al not tell ya?" Rosie opened her little container and took out a pinky finger to munch on as the girls gossiped.

"Oh, no. Alastor just said you tried to force him to go to the picture show but you got side tracked." For a Princess, Charlie seemed to be remarkably okay with having Alastor slinking around doing the Devil knows what under her nose.

"It's a bit of a shame, he would really have enjoyed it." Rosie shook her head. "Next time though!"

"I'm surprised Alastor wasn't at the Hotel. Usually when our TV messes up, it's because he stands too close." The one called Mimzy finally spoke up. She had been clinging to Charlie like a parasite. "I just assumed everything was on the fritz because of him."

"Can we please just get started?" Carmilla had been sitting quietly, drinking her mimosa and watching the others chat. Velvette would have assumed those cold eyes would have been focused on her, however, Carmilla seemed to mostly be watching Rosie. "We are all very busy and I am sure we have more to do than sit around and discuss how terrible VoxTek is."

"Oh of course! Did you pick out your favorite bag?" Mary-Lu gestured to the remaining items and Carmilla picked the closest one to her. "Now I want one big shot of everyone together, and one of each of you separately. This is going to be huge."

"We'll see." Velvette examined her choice in bag, it wasn't something she would wear in public, but she was keeping it regardless, as per the terms of their deal.

The actual modeling part wasn't terrible, at least not for Velvette who was done with her individual shot in no time flat. One or two clicks with the camera and instant perfection. This wasn't her first gig. She knew the drill. Watching Charlie struggle was a show in and of itself. The Overlords, while not as skilled as Velvette, still knew how to model a product. Mary-Lu kept going to Charlie, correcting her pose, moving the bag, fixing her hair and clothes. Bloody hell, had the princess ever learned how to do this shit? Most marketable face in Hell and she was a disaster.

"Oh, come the fuck on," Velvette eventually reached her limit. She snapped her fingers, and Charlie's tacky red suit changed into a fashionable red dress. Velvette included beautiful jewelry and a glittering tiara as each of the accessories she made moved Charlie's limbs into a perfect pose.

"Ah!" Charlie seemed taken off guard as her clothes changed and her new accessories started pulling at her limbs.

"Don't fight it, princess. You are going to keep us here forever if you don't get your shit together." Velvette had things to do other than watch this- frankly, embarrassing- struggle.

"Perfect!" Mary-Lu's photographer quickly got the picture as Charlie finally relaxed and allowed Velvette to work her magic. "Now we can do the group picture!"

"Finally!" Missi jumped to her feet and the whole room shook.

"Sorry, everyone..." Charlie looked genuinely apologetic. Velvette rolled her eyes, giving a little scoff.

"You don't have to apologize. You're a fucking princess."

"It's no trouble, Charlie sweetie!" It wasn't shocking that Rosie would suck up to the Morningstars. "I wasn't the best at all this either!"

"Well, you need to fucking learn." Velvette struck her pose with the others. She looked over at Charlie and with a flick of her wrist the Princess was posed perfectly with the others.

"Thank you all so much!" Mary-Lu clapped her hands together with excitement. Once the picture was taken, it felt like a burden had been lifted off of Velvette. A favor had been repaid and Velvette no longer had to worry about Mary-Lu. "Feel free to take drinks for the road!"

"Fuck yeah! Load 'em up ladies! Start with the big glass and just keep filling 'em!" Missi slammed her massive hand on the counter. Velvette decided that Mary-Lu had dragged her here, so the least she could do would be to drink as much as she could on Mary's dime. So, she stood beside Missi as the DamnWay representatives struggled to fill as many glasses as they could while Missi kept drinking them. Velvette grabbed two for herself, before heading toward the elevator to get out.

"Velvette wait!" Charlie made a dash toward the elevator. Velvette looked in dismay at both her hands, each holding a drink making it impossible to press the door-close button. She lifted her foot trying to hit it, but it was too late. Charlie managed to slide in before the doors closed, dragging her little Sinner mascot with her. "Thanks for holding the elevator."

"You're the best Velvette." Mimzy gave her two thumbs up.

"Mmhmm." Velvette made a noise of confirmation, accepting her fate of being trapped- it took everything in her power not to roll her eyes. At least the ride would be short.

"Thank you," Charlie just had to make this more awkward and uncomfortable than it already was. "For helping me."

"Don't fucking thank me." Velvette took a sip from one of her drinks. If she had known she would be trapped in this literal Hell, she would have been pounding the drinks down like Missi. "We would never have gotten to leave if I hadn't done something. And unlike you, I have an important job."

"Yeah... okay." Charlie rubbed her arm, looking away. "Are you... gonna change my suit back?"

"No. You're a bloody princess and you look like a worn-down college professor, struggling for tenure, who uses slang like: 'down with the kids' unironically."

"She has a point," Mimzy seemed to share Velvette's outlook which was an almost pleasant surprise. (The key world being almost, because Mimzy didn't look like the trendy type of person whose opinions mattered. Still, it left Charlie outnumbered.) "I mean, I thought you were a bell hop for like a month."

"No, you didn't." Charlie had to do a double take. "You're the one who asked me if you could move in! You called us both small business owners."

"Did I? That doesn't really sound like me." Mimzy shrugged.

"You did. You definitely did..." Charlie looked at herself in the reflective elevator door.

"Keep the dress, and the accessories. You just owe me a favor." Well since she was trapped in this conversation, Velvette might as well make the most of it.

"But I didn't ask-"

"You needed my help with more than just the outfit. I helped. Now you have to help me with something-something small, of course- at a later date." At least Velvette wasn't leaving this place empty handed. Two mimosas and a favor from the princess wasn't a bad pull. Perhaps, despite the way this day had started, things were finally starting to look up.

"Fine." Charlie let out a little sigh. "But it's very small, and I reserve the right to refuse if the favor goes against my best interest."

"And you have to tell me what the favor is." Mimzy added, hands on her hips.

"No, Mimzy, I don't think that's necessary." Charlie was trying so hard to be polite. Velvette almost had to respect the princess for not drop-kicking the small Sinner into the sky (or rather, the apparent magical ceiling that existed in the sky.)

"But I love gossip!" Mimzy folded her arms, pouting.

"Gossip actually isn't nice. And I have been meaning to talk to you about some of your behavior regarding that at the Hotel-" Charlie started to talk, but the elevator came3 to a stop, saving Velvette the secondhand lecture.

"Wow, this has been just so fun, but" Velvette had to give the princess that she wasn't as naive as she came across. Setting up boundaries was important when it came to favors and deals. Else, you would get screwed over by the other party. The elevator doors opened and Velvette took another sip of her drink as she pushed her way out before Charlie. "I am afraid I have more important things to do. You know, literally anything else." Velvette didn't wait for Charlie to answer and she headed right toward the exit, out of DamnWay and onto the streets.

Finally. Relief. Velvette could enjoy the rest of her day with these two mimosas and maybe a relaxing massage.

"Velvette."

"Oh, come the fuck on!" She slowly turned to see Carmilla waiting for her at the exit. The fuck did that old hag want?

"Can we speak?"

"No."

"This is important."

"Still no."

"Is... Vox alright?"

"Bitch, I said no to talking. Are you going fucking deaf in your old age?"

"Vox, is he having some kind of issue?" Carmilla grabbed Velvette's arm, pulling her to the side.

"He's got plenty of issues. Issues with Alastor, issues with Val, daddy issues? I could go on." Velvette shrugged herself free of Carmilla's grip. "But that's all nothing new. And also, it's none of your goddamn business."

"This is serious Velvette." Carmilla's frown deepened. It's like she didn't even care how many wrinkles she was getting- not that it mattered. She was so old that Velvette assumed she was held together with spite alone. "Something happened last night and it has to do with Vox."

"Vox does lots of shit, Carmilla. I'm his coworker, not his bloody babysitter." Though sometimes it did feel that way. "If you have a problem, bring it up to him. He has a complaint box." That box led straight into a fire, but it did exist.

"Have you noticed anything... unusual?"

"If you're trying to get secret intel on VoxTek, you are doing an incredibly shitty job." Velvette had a completely flat expression as she took a sip of one of her drinks, maintaining eye contact with the Overlord in question.

"It's not about finding intel; I'm concerned. Can't you see that?"

"Yeah, that sounds incredibly likely." This time Velvette could not stop herself from rolling her eyes. "We Overlords are nothing if not a tight-knit community that relies on trust and the magic of bloody friendship. Forgive my skepticism."

"You're impossible, you know that right?" Carmilla glared down at her. Velvette grinned back up at her. "Last night something shook all of Hell and Vox might be at the center of it." As she was talking, Velvette started handing her one of the mimosas without a word. Carmilla seemed too wrapped up in her lecture to even notice. "And while you may not be concerned, I am- what are you doing?" By this point Velvette used her newly freed hand to pull out her phone.

@Radvelvetcakes: Stuck in a boring conversation with an actual dinosaur. #notyouMissi #sendhelp

"You know, if you're concerned about us, maybe you should follow me on social media. You know: Sinstagram, TikVox, Slither?" She put her phone back in her pocket, snatching her mimosa back. "Actually, given your age that might be asking too much. Do you have FamineBook?"

"This isn't something you would share on your socials, Velvette." Carmilla was only getting angrier and that brought a small amount of joy to Velvette who deserved at least that much after everything Carmilla had put her through.

"And it's nothing I could share with you either. You haven't exactly been forthcoming with information in the past, regarding...Say... the head of an angel?" She sipped her drinks as she watched Carmilla's face contort briefly into anger, before succumbing to defeat. "That's what I fucking thought." She smirked, sipping smugly from one of her glasses.

"Well, this has been an absolute waste of my time. I have more important Overlords with whom I must discuss these events."

"Oh gosh, my feelings! More important!? You don't mean that do you, gram-gram?" Velvette's tone was dripping with false offense as she pretended to swoon from the attempted blow to her ego. "You know that I'm important!"

"You act like a petulant, idiotic child. But you would be wise to take heed from those that have been here longer than you." Carmilla must have taken Velvette's sass as permission to go off on a totally dull and meaningless rant. Damn if Velvette had known this would have happened, she would have fucking bolted the moment Carmilla had mentioned leaving. "There is more out there than just Heaven and Hell. There are many things you don't-"

"Do you ever shut up? I'm asking for a friend."

"I tried. I really tried." And with that, Carmilla stalked out of the alley and off toward the entrance of Mary-Lu's little office building. (Probably to bother some other unfortunate Overlord.)

"Bye bitch." Velvette sipped at her drinks. So long as no one else decided to corner her for some sort of fucking hostage situation of a conversation, she should be fine to head back. (Half of her expected Missi or Rosie to be waiting down a dark alley, eager to waste her oh, so precious time.) Velvette had very little tolerance for others. Thankfully, she was able to waltz back to Vox Tower without anyone else stopping her with their petty problems.

She put in her private passcode for the door, having to punch it in with her elbow as her drinks still occupied both hands. The lights blinked red. Fuck. She had probably typed it in wrong. Ah well, easy fix.

Velvette tilted her head back and began chugging the first mimosa. She finished and threw the glass behind her, hearing it shatter with a satisfying crash upon the pavement. There. Now she had a free hand. She retyped the code, this time certain she had done it correctly. The lights blinked red again.

Sunnovabitch.

Velvette sighed, pulling her phone put and hitting the speed dial. There was ringing for a moment before:

"You've reached Vox, how can I help you?" That overly formal voice and tone was as unmistakable as it was forced.

"Oh, hey Vox. How are you?" Velvette sipped on her other drink, phone against her ear, looking up toward the top of the tower.

"Good...?" Vox sounded confused. Velvette didn't really call him just to chitchat. "How was um... your thing with Mary-Lu? That's where you were, right?"

"It was! So glad you remembered! It was big fun, Voxy-luv, you should really have been there. Lots of gossip and all that."

"That's... nice..."

"Oh, a real treat. I am just so happy you asked about it!"

"Is there a point to this, Velvette?"

"Just a small one." She took a sip, swallowed, and took a deep breath. "DID YOU CHANGE THE BLOODY DOOR CODES AGAIN!?"

"Ah fuck. I didn't send you the new one, did I?"

"You fucking think,"

"Sorry, sorry, I'll buzz you in. I can tell you in person." The door lit up green and Velvette opened it, walking inside. This was a private entrance, used only by the Vees. Thus, Vox only had to remember to give the code to two fucking people, but obviously that was asking too much.

"Do I need a new elevator key too?" Velvette reached the elevator at the end of the long, ornate hallway that should take her to the penthouse. But of course, as she pressed her key against the keypad, nothing was happening.

"...I can send the elevator for you." Electricity surged from the top of the tower and the doors swung open. Velvette didn't even bother trying to push the button. She sipped at her drink as the elevator rose at Vox's mental command. The doors opened once again and Velvette hung up her phone as she walked into their joint lounge. Vox wasn't there.

"Oi! Where are you!?" She shouted at the ceiling as she flopped down on the couch, drink in hand. "I need the bloody passcode, Vox!" Electricity crackled and a bolt hit the floor as Vox appeared, more cleaned up and put together than before.

"Sorry about the inconvenience, Velvette."

"You should be. How hard is it to fucking text me like: Hey Velvette, the new door code is 123456?"

"That's a terrible door code." Vox narrowed his eyes at her. "Also, I think the six number code is too easy to guess. I mean. We're in Hell, right? Everything is based on the number six. Too obvious."

"It's six fucking numbers. Aren't there like... infinite possibilities?" Velvette raised an eyebrow at him.

"Only a million, Velvette, don't be silly. So, I am going to change the combination to a seven-digit number. Seven, being a lucky number, can counteract all the bad energy coming from the walls." For a moment, the screen that made up Vox's face glitched. It was so brief that Velvette almost didn't notice, but the small waver, the tiny distortion in his voice cued her in to look more closely.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Velvette sat up, putting her glass down on the counter. Vox was a bit anal when it came to security, he always had been. But he was also an incredibly grounded person, especially for a Sinner. If he was superstitious at all, it mostly came out when he was manipulating those who were true believers.

"What I mean to say is," Vox pinched the screen between his eyes, it lit up under his touch. He seemed to have confused himself with his own rant. "It gives us ten million options rather than just one million. Buy us some time."

"Time?" Velvette squinted harder.

"Until I need to change it to eight." Vox chuckled to himself. "Now, here's the new code." He showed her a piece of paper with seven numbers scribbled on it. "Now memorize it and destroy the paper."

"Fucking what?" Velvette leaned back as Vox leaned forward.

"You can't trust anyone, Velvette."

"Are you going to do this to Val?"

"Val..." Vox went quiet for a moment, he pulled back. "I suppose I have no choice, as of right now."

"Vox, you're acting a little off... actually no. You're acting fucking weird. Maybe you need to take some time off." Velvette knew Vox would refuse, but Carmilla's words were sticking in her mind, despite all the effort Velvette made to forget them.

"I'm fine Velvette." Vox smiled at her. "Now memorize the code." Velvette stared at the paper for a moment before it burst into flame in her hand. She let out a scream of surprise. "Like that? Self-destructing paper! It's fun right!?"

"I wasn't done memorizing it you FUCKING PRICK!" Velvette had almost knocked her drink over and had that happened, heads would roll (or flop, since Vox's head was not shaped in a way that was conducive to rolling.)

"Fine, fine." He pulled out another piece of paper, writing on it, and handing it over. "Please memorize faster this time."

"Just let me keep the bloody paper, you asshole!"

"No. Too dangerous. We have to be safe, Velvette." Vox's face flickered for a moment as his voice took on that mechanical tone. He started coughing and his face returned to normal, he covered his mouth with his sleeve.

"Why don't I work on memorizing this, and you go to bed early. You look like shit." Velvette held the paper away from her in case it combusted again.

"Ugh, maybe a ten-minute power nap wouldn't hurt." Vox coughed harder.

"You do that." Velvette watched him head back to his room. She picked up her glass, fingers drumming against it as she looked after him. She pulled out her phone.

Velvette [2:30PM]: Val, is Vox acting weird?

Valentino [2:31PM]:  No more so obnoxious than usual lol. Did he change the door codes again?

Velvette [2:31PM]: How'd you ever guess?

Valentino [2:32 PM]:  Fucking dick. He's probably just in a bad mood. Maybe Alastor mispronounced his name during a fight or something. Just let him wear himself out.

Velvette [2:33 PM]: Fuck, you right.

She put the phone down, looking back at Vox's room. She went back to her phone, pulling up a different number.

Velvette [Unsent]: Hey, Carmilla... what was it you were trying to say earlier about Vox?

She stared at the text in silence before deleting it. Val was probably right. Vox had tantrums like this before... maybe not quite as severe but the point still stood. She wasn't that desperate, at least not yet.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 13: The Princess, The Devil, and the Fucking Audacity

"Here we are!" Lucifer made a dramatic gesture as they walked toward the Hotel in question.  Fireworks materialized out of nothing, bursting behind him to add another layer of dazzle to the already impressive building. He walked past the chocolate fountain and water fountain that sat on either side of the entrance. (He had forgotten to take those away after the party. Oops. Can’t imagine the chocolate was very good at this point in time.)  

"Oh shit! Chocolate!" Adam got excited, walking towards the cascading waterfalls of milky brown.   

"That's been outside for a while, Adam. I don't think that's sanitary, and you've been puking enough as it is." Lucifer grabbed him by the back of his robes and Adam was stopped before he could reach his chocolaty destination. Adam’s wings popped out as he seemed surprised by the sudden grip.   

"Then why have it?"   

"It was for a party. I just kinda forgot." Lucifer snapped and the chocolate fountain turned into regular water to match the one on the other side. There, two ornate fountains. They really elevated the desire of the hotel and were not something that stupid asshole with the smile would have thought up for himself. (He did feel a bit bad about having forgotten about taking the fountain down when he left- but in his defense, the last few days had been more than a bit chaotic.) "Plus, you're not here to dick around, you're here to learn."   

"Seriously? Do I * have * to do this?" Adam looked up at the Hotel in question, his wings drooping behind him as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Lucifer swatted at the wings with his cane.   

"Put those back." It wasn't like Sinners wouldn't occasionally have wings, but that, combined with the broken pieces of the halo floating over Adam’s head, made him an obvious target. Eventually the halo would gradually turn into something different, but Adam was so newly Fallen he still looked predominantly angelic.   

"No. It's uncomfortable to keep them folded up for too long." Adam crossed his arms looking indignant.   

"It's * Hell * things are gonna be uncomfortable. You might as well get used to it now."   

"I don't understand why I can't just keep them out. * You * have wings."   

"Yes, but I'm special. Those wings and that fucking thing over your head make you a massive goddamn target." Lucifer put his hands on the wings in another attempt to force them back into Adam. The white wing resisted, the left... Lucifer's hand pretty much went right through it. That was weird. Lucifer stopped pushing for a moment and just started moving his hand in and out of Adam’s wing. When he stuck his hand in the black feathers, it felt a bit colder, but he couldn't feel any texture, though his hand looked as if it were buried. The feathers even moved and reacted as if he were touching them, but Lucifer could feel nothing but air.  The fuck was going on with that wing? No wonder Adam couldn't fly.   

"What the fuck are you doing?" Adam was turning his head to look at Lucifer who was still playing around with how the wing worked. "Stop."   

"Can you feel that?" Lucifer moved his hand around more. Adam tried to pull away.  

"Kinda? It feels fucking * crazy . Like a weird ass chill. So, stop it before I punch you in your ugly face."   

"Hmm you are moody." It wasn't entirely Adam’s fault, but it still didn't excuse him. Lucifer was taking time out of his incredibly busy schedule to help. He was going to only have three hours of wallowing tonight because of these shenanigans.  (He barely had any moping when they went to Lu Lu World, either. Adam was really cutting into his time.)  

"Yeah, because you keep fucking with my wing!"   

"If you tucked it in, I wouldn't be able to do this." Lucifer ran his hand all the way through. Adam made a face of displeasure and shivered so hard his wings both fluffed up. Lucifer stifled a laugh, unsuccessfully, as he gave an unintentional little snort. Adam glared at him, wings instantly folding back into his back, vanishing from view. "You know, you're lucky you kept your holy robes. Most of the time you would rip through fabric with your wings going in and out like that."   

"What, don't Sinners have wings?"   

"Some do, it's just rare. And they aren't really for flying, most of the time."   

"Sounds fucking stupid. So what, my wings are just aesthetic?"   

"Basically." Lucifer laughed to himself; this wing-thing was making Adam unreasonably angry. "It's not much of a punishment if we still let you flutter around. Also, you might escape, since you know where the exit is." He was also one of the few capable of navigating the realm between. Adam was a legitimate flight risk. (No pun intended.) "Never seen the whole: shadow-wing thing before, though. So, I will give you some credit."   

"Are you done obsessing over my wings? It's fucking creepy."  

"It's not creepy." Lucifer leaned forward to knock on the hotel door. They had sort of just been standing in Charlie's walkway arguing. It probably wasn't the best look for a place that advertised seeking redemption.  As he leaned around Adam, he got a face full of feathers from the white wing.   

"Oops." Adam's wings had sprung back out.  

"You did that on purpose." Lucifer pushed on the base of the white wing, and they contracted back again. The devil let out a sneeze, feathers flying out of his mouth. This was going * swimmingly . They hadn't even made it * inside * and Adam was already being a piece of shit. Maybe he shouldn't have put Charlie in this situation.  He did truly love his daughter, and as much as he wanted to spend more time with her, exposing her to Adam was probably going too far.   

Charlie didn't deserve this punishment.  

The door swung open.  

Too late.  

"Dad! Hey!" Charlie did look genuinely happy to see him, which always came as a bit of a shock to Lucifer. She looked beside him, eyes falling on the black and white menace that had cursed Lucifer over the last few days. "Adam."   

"Sup, fucker?" Adam gave Charlie a nod. Lucifer instantly put his face in his hands. They still hadn't made it across the threshold, and he was already contemplating murder.  (But if he did kill Adam it would have to be outside of the hotel. Charlie had worked so hard on her business and splattering it with infected blood wasn't going to help anyone.  Also, he would lose any leads he might get out of Adam if he murdered him. Sure, he would come back, but he would be incredibly unlikely to cooperate. He was barely cooperative now and Lucifer had been nothing but nice to him.)   

"Adam. That is my * daughter *. You may call her Charlie Princess of Hell, Princess Charlie, or your majesty.  Not: * fucker . Fucker is nowhere on that list."   

"Just Charlie is fine." Charlie gave them a sweet smile, but Lucifer could tell it was strained. Logic dictated that she was stressed about Adam, but the devil couldn't help but worry that he had already done something to upset her.   

"Good to see you, Charlie!" He pushed Adam to the side and wrapped his daughter into a hug. Much to his relief, she hugged him back. "Thank you for agreeing to help on such short notice!"   

"I am a bit surprised by the request, I'll be honest." Charlie stepped aside and Lucifer half-led, half-pushed Adam past Charlie and into the foyer.   

"Yes, well, it's a funny situation." Lucifer gave a small sigh. "Can I talk to you? One-on-one?" His eyes glanced behind Charlie, unsurprisingly, he saw Vaggie not too far off. He didn't blame the Fallen angel for lingering. He didn't trust Adam * either . (And Vaggie didn't even know the true nature of the stakes.)  

"What? You can't leave me alone in here." Adam suddenly dug his heels down, and Lucifer nearly walked into him. "These guys fucking hate me!"   

"Everyone fucking hates you Adam, this place isn't that special, at least not in that regard. It's incredibly special in other ways." Lucifer gestured at the interior.  "Like everything my daughter has contributed. You should really be impressed."   

"Why though?" Adam looked him dead in the eyes, face completely stoic. Lucifer's own expression fell, his eyes narrowed.    

"Just fucking sit and don't touch anything."   

"But I don't want to be left alone. Not with her." He pointed at Vaggie. Lucifer's concern rose as he saw Vaggie had her spear in her hand.   

"How about you put the spear away?"   

"No." Vaggie hadn't taken her eye off of Adam since he had walked in.   

"Vaggie," Charlie put her hands on Vaggie's shoulders, gently lowering the arm with the spear. "It's okay! We aren't going to fight! We're going to help!" Despite her enthusiastic voice, Lucifer could tell Charlie wasn't thrilled with the situation either. (But she had ten times the patience that Lucifer did, especially when it came to Adam, who it felt as if God had created specifically to push Lucifer's buttons.)   

"I don't trust him." Vaggie's response was short and sweet.   

"None of us do," Charlie assured her. "But this hotel is founded on redemption!"   

"Don't trust * me ? I'm not the one who lied to your little girlfriend about where you came from." Adam talked a big game, but Lucifer could see that he was moving so that the Devil stood between Adam and his former Exorcist.   

"Listen here you little bitch-"   

"What you did to Vaggie wasn't very nice Adam. You revealed personal information against her wishes. And while I can't entirely know your motivation, I would assume you did it to cause her pain. So, we could start this whole thing off with an apology! How does that sound?" Charlie was trying to make the best out of the tense situation. Lucifer was so proud of her.  

"Yeah. I am not gonna do that." And just like that, Adam was making an ass out of himself in front of Lucifer’s daughter (and possible future daughter-in-law).   

"That might have been too much to ask." Charlie’s face fell a bit.   

"I wouldn't have accepted your apology anyway; you sack of shit." Vaggie's hand tightened on the spear. "After everything you've done- you're lucky Charlie is giving you any of her fucking time. You * don't * deserve it."   

"Vaggie..." Charlie pulled her closer.  

"It needs to be said, Charlie. This fucking asshole acts like he's so entitled to all of this. But he's not." Vaggie was * livid . Lucifer realized he hadn't quite accounted for Vaggie's reaction when he had made his plan. Of course she wouldn't be okay with Adam being around. He used to be her boss. He had watched from the sidelines as Lute had ripped her wings and halo off. He couldn't blame her for having strong feelings about seeing Adam again.  

"I know, but he needs our help." Charlie did not look as convinced as Lucifer had seen in the past with the other Sinners.    

"Okay, you know what?" It was time to deescalate this before a fight broke out. "You trust Vaggie? I trust Vaggie." Lucifer gestured toward the stairs.  So why don’t we all go somewhere a bit more private so I can describe the situation?"   

"Me too?" Adam perked up.  

"Yes. You too. I don't trust you by yourself." Lucifer knew that if he left Adam to his own devices, the whole hotel might come down on itself in a blaze of unholy fire. It's not that he thought Adam was that strong (Though Corruption could greatly increase one's powers) it was mostly that Lucifer knew that: if Adam put his mind to it, any amount of destruction was possible.    

"We can talk in our room." Charlie led them up the stairs and into one of the many hotel suites.  This one was larger than the others, nicely decorated.  Lucifer could tell Charlie had inherited some of his taste for the finer things in life. Charlie closed the door and took a seat on the bed. Vaggie stood next to her, spear in hand glaring at Adam who was standing slightly behind Lucifer. "So, what's this really about? I doubt Adam just had a sudden change of heart."   

"Bitch, I might have." Adam interrupted before Charlie could even finish getting her words out. "I am an * angel . I love doing good deeds and shit. We get off on that kinda bull."   

"You didn't even do good deeds when you were in * Heaven ."  Vaggie snapped back. "I watched you take Cain Still Loves Me's drink right off her tray and drink it."   

"You are right about one thing. Cain does still love me. But I fail to see how that's relevant to this conversation." Adam gave a small shrug. Lucifer was on edge, watching him. Cain could be a real trigger and they were in an enclosed space.    

"What does Uncle Cain have to do with any of this?" Charlie looked genuinely confused by Vaggie's comment.  

"No, that's one of the Exorcist. Adam got fucking tired of coming up with good names after the first few, so he started naming us whatever was in that empty head of his. That's why we got fucking: Sugar Tits, Cain Still Loves Me, and Pick up the Dry Cleaning."   

"Damn, I did not do that before I got stuck in Hell." Adam crossed his arms looking annoyed. "How long do you think they hold on to shit? You think they'll still have it by the time this whole misunderstanding gets sorted out and I'm back in Heaven?"   

"Not a misunderstanding, you broke a contract and damned yourself, but in my experience, Heaven holds dry cleaning for a while so you should be fine." Lucifer wasn't really trying to assure Adam so much as he was attempting to calm Vaggie. "Though it is a bit weird that you named the Exorcists." That was not something left to humans. Adam was a high-ranking Winner, sure, but that was like... Arch business.   

"It's because I'm so good at naming." Adam gave a little shrug.  

"You are not." Vaggie glowered at him.  

"Heh... * stiffcock ." Adam snickered to himself. Instantly the spear was pointed forward and Vaggie looked ready to attack.  

"The fuck did you just say to me, asshole?"   

"It's a * plant ." Lucifer held his hands up, stepping in front of Adam. Charlie was carefully lowering Vaggie's hands, so the spear was no longer ready to plunge into Adam’s face. "We were talking about it earlier and he's just an immature fucking prick."   

"Right, so why don’t we discuss why you decided to bring Adam here?" Charlie was trying to get them back on topic.   

"So, Adam wants to try redemption!" Lucifer tried his first lie out on Charlie, but his daughter looked thoroughly unconvinced.  Her eyes were narrowed, lips drawn into a thin line.   

"Yeah. No. Really. Why are we doing this?"  

"It's a bit complicated, sweet apple." Lucifer let out a little sigh. "Adam got a just a tiny bit sick. Probably just something he picked up since he's new to Hell and you know there's all kind of shit running rampant down here." Time to try a different set of lies. "Actually, Vaggie, did you ever run into anything weird in Purgatory? Did Adam like to run off and try to dick around off the beaten path?"   

"No." The answer surprised him. Vaggie didn't even have to think about it. "He was really strict about Purgatory.  No stopping, no veering off. If you wandered off, you got left behind."   

"Path?" Charlie looked confused. "You guys don't just take the boats?"   

"Not for the Exterminations. Might freak the souls out if they saw an army of masked angels getting on the boat with them." Vaggie shook her head.  

"But Adam got sick in Hell.... not Purgatory?" Charlie looked back at her dad.  

"More likely than not, yes." No. Actually, it was the other way around, but Lucifer didn't want to go into the nature of the illness with Charlie. Not yet. She was such a good girl with a big heart. Telling her what else was out there and what they could do to her beloved Sinners seemed like a bad idea. He didn't want to stress her out. "Just had to be sure, which is why I asked Vaggie."   

"So, what does any of this have to do with Redemption?" Charlie's expression was hard to read. Lucifer was unsure if she was buying his story or not.   

"Well, that's the fun part!" * Fun * of course meaning that was the part Lucifer had been concocting his explanation for, since he had made the call. "Adam's a Fallen angel, not just a regular Sinner. He is more like me, especially because it like... just happened. So, when he does good deeds, it kind of... invokes his angelic nature and helps cure him!" None of this was true. But damn if it didn't sound plausible to anyone who had no idea how this sort of thing worked. "That being said, if he does throw up-and he will- let me take care of it. You are already going out of your way to do all of this for me, so at least allow me that."   

"His angelic nature... heals him?" Charlie repeated his words back, looking at Adam before looking back at Lucifer.  Finally, she turned to Vaggie. "Does that happen? * Can * that happen?" Vaggie gave a small shrug.   

"I can't say for sure. I mean, it sure as hell didn't feel like it happened to * me * when Lute stabbed my fucking eye out."   

"Oh, by the way, if it makes you feel better: Adam’s blind in that right eye." Lucifer gestured to Adam still standing behind him. "Probably because of his complacency in what happened to you."  

"Ha!" Vaggie let out a laugh. "Actually, it does, thank you."  

"It's not fucking funny." Adam's default smirk fell into an annoyed expression.  "My depth perception got royally screwed up by that. It's a goddamn nightmare."   

"Really. Is it? I wouldn't know. That sounds really terrible, Adam." Vaggie's complete monotone seemed to be lost on Adam.  

"How do people even see like this!? Syn keeps sneaking up on me!" Adam threw his hands up in exasperation.   

"Usually, we turn our heads." Vaggie's expression hadn't changed.    

"Sin?" Charlie looked a little confused. "Like... Sin is sneaking up on you? Is that some kind of... metaphor for Falling?" Lucifer's eyes widened for a moment.  Fuck. He was not ready to explain Syn to Charlie.  With his luck his daughter would want to meet his make-shift assistant, and Syn would start helpfully spewing information about Lucifer's depression to the entire Hotel.  

"Metaphor. Yep. Adam’s gotten real poetic since he arrived- but anyway this is the situation, Charlie. Do you think you can help?"   

"I can * try ." Charlie looked Adam up and down and Lucifer followed her gaze. The First Man was cleaning his ear with his pinky finger. "But Adam has to *want* redemption as well. I can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped."   

"Redemption is kind of a shitty word for it, babe." Adam yawned, not covering his mouth so Lucifer and everyone else in the room could see that his tongue was black in the half of his mouth that wasn't just a glowing void. "It implies that I did something * wrong . I'm only here because of a paperwork snafu or something. I dunno, Lose-cifer knows the story." He tilted his head in Lucifer's direction.   

"Okay." Charlie took a deep breath instinctively reaching over and lowering Vaggie’s spear again without even turning her head. "I have a great place to start! We can begin with something super simple! Why don't you use people's * names ? Like: I'm Charlie, not babe. And my dad is Lucifer." She gestured to Adam. "Let's try it! I'm..." she trailed off. Adam looked at her blankly for a moment.   

"Desperate?"   

"No, Adam, say my name."   

"Princess."   

"Princess.... * what ?" Charlie had her hands clasped together, a smile on her face, but Lucifer could tell from the way she was squeezing her fingers together that she was getting pissed off.  

"Princess... of Hell?"   

"Okay. Yes. That’s my * title *. That’s a good baby step! But what is my * name ? Come on Adam, you really should know it."   

"Know what?"   

"My * name , Adam. What is my name?"   

"You know, I could just kill him, save us all the trouble." Vaggie looked at her spear before making eye contact with Adam again. "If this is just some paperwork fuck up like he says, he should go right back Up. Problem solved for everyone."   

"Vaggie, I appreciate your suggestion, but dad really wants us to focus on redemption." Charlie kept her smile, wrapping her arms around Vaggie from behind and forcing her to lower her weapon once again. She brought her lips to Vaggie's ear, whispering to her softly.  "If it's too much for you, sweetheart, I don't mind if you step away. I know this has to be difficult." Vaggie's expression instantly softened, and Lucifer saw her grip on the spear relax.   

"I'm fine, dear."   

"Awesome!" Charlie gave Vaggie one last, loving squeeze before turning back to Adam. "Then we can keep practicing!"  

"You really should listen to Charlie." Adam smirked from his seat on the floor. "Ass-Face over there won't let you hurt me.  I'm under his protection."   

"You used my name!" Charlie clapped her hands together excitedly.  "I mean, calling my dad * ass-face * was a bit of a step back. But I can still take the win!" She immediately turned to face Lucifer who was ready just in case Adam started puking. (Though using Charlie's name didn't really feel like a genuine act of kindness so much as it felt like basic human decency.  And surely insulting Lucifer in the same sentence had put Adam purely in the red in the kindness department.) "Dad, I didn't realize you had made a deal with Adam."   

"Not my first choice but since he was so sick and pathetic I took pity on him." Lucifer gave a dismissive wave of his hand. He had no desire for Charlie to press this matter. "You are the one saying to give the Sinner's a chance."   

"I am just... surprised." Charlie's smile wavered for a moment.  She seemed to be struggling with her resolve.  Lucifer had to admit he was impressed Charlie had agreed to help at all with this. Given what Adam had done to her, to her hotel, to her * friends ... she was really sticking to the idea that * anyone * could be redeemed. "Thank you for using my name, Adam. That was great progress! Now how about you use my * dad's ."   

"Oh, you mean douche canoe? Shit brain? Fuck nozzle? Ass Dick." Adam made direct eye contact with Lucifer as he spoke.   

"If you want me to be insulted, I'm not. Half of those insults don't even make sense. You were just being vulgar to be vulgar." Lucifer's expression and tone remained completely stoic. He really wasn't that offended. It was fucking * Adam . He just sort of expected the shit talking.   

"Okay, I am asking too much again." Charlie sighed. "Let's try something else! Adam, how are you feeling this fine afternoon?" Charlie gave her biggest, warmest smile. Adam stared at her blankly. Lucifer could almost see the gears in that empty head trying to process what she was doing.   

"Actually, I feel like shit." Adam's response was... genuine, though far from polite. "I mean, I'm in fucking Hell."  

"Aw, I am sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I can do to try and help you feel better?"   

"Can you get me back to Heaven?   

"I can certainly try! But * you * also need to do your part!" She kept the same level of cheer and optimism. Adam's face fell and he rolled his eyes.   

"Ah, it's one of these fucking lectures."   

"It's not a lecture, I am just trying to help you." Charlie was really doing her best. Lucifer had to admire her conviction.  "If you want to go home, you have to put in the work."   

"Face it Charlie, he doesn't care. This is mister: Hell is Forever we're talking about here. Not to mention he’s lazy." Vaggie no longer looked ready to kill, but she was still watching Adam like a hawk. Lucifer appreciated her dedication.  He felt even safer knowing there was yet another barrier between Adam and Charlie should he start to deteriorate mentally.   

"What do you miss most about Heaven?" Charlie wasn't giving up. Lucifer could see himself in that eager expression, those wide, hopeful eyes. He had been like that once too, long ago before reality had worn him down into the miserable shell he was today. But Lucifer had the power to protect Charlie from his fate. And he would do everything that he could to keep her from the harsh realities of the Heavens.   

"How... it didn't have your lame ass dad breathing down my neck." Adam wasn’t taking the question seriously, which was no shock. "And it was clean, temperate, and the only thing that was hot was the population." Lucifer put his face in his hands.   

"If you could go back, what would be the first thing you would do?" Charlie wasn't letting Adam get under her skin despite the Fallen's best efforts. "Think about it! It's a beautiful day in Heaven! A glorious Wednesday afternoon and you can get as many of those tiny rainbows in your ice cream as you want."   

"Sprinkles, dear. We talked about that. The tiny rainbows are just Sprinkles." Vaggie looked amused more than anything else. Lucifer's gaze went back to Adam who for a moment looked ready to give a snarky retort, however, his shoulders drooped only slightly, he looked away from the others and toward the window.  

"It's Wednesday?" He sounded a bit distant as he kept staring out of the window. Lucifer started to grow concerned. An angry shouting Adam was at least coherent.  When he got quiet, things could turn very quickly.   

"Yes?" Charlie must have noticed the tonal shift. "Are Wednesdays your favorite day? Or... least favorite?"   

"I used to have lunch with Abel on Wednesday... though I guess I have been way too busy for it recently."   

Fuck. If Cain was a trigger for Adam, Lucifer couldn't imagine Abel would be much better. "Well, you were a busy guy up in Heaven, you know, plotting my downfall and all that." Lucifer put his hand on Adam in a dramatic pat on the shoulder. Though, his hand lingered, claws holding tightly to him just in case.   

"Huh?" Adam was still speaking quietly.  He was starting to put Lucifer on edge.   

"Adam... are you feeling okay?" Charlie started to step forward, but Lucifer held out his hand, shaking his head.   

"Adam is just distracted trying to think up his next insult, aren't you, jackass?" Lucifer forced a laugh and gave Adam a little shove. Adam blinked, shaking his head, looking around the room again, before the default annoyed expression replaced the distracted one that had been giving Lucifer concern.  

"Don't fucking touch me, bitch." Adam waved Lucifer's hand away and Lucifer let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.   

"See?" Lucifer smacked Adam on the back and the First Man immediately tried to swat him away like a cat. "He's fine Charlie.  You know how hard it is for him to form thoughts in that head."   

"Hey, fuck you." Adam glared at him.  

"You're sure you're alright, Adam? You have been sick..." Charlie must have picked up on her dad's unease, she was observant and that was a problem for the Devil.   

"He's no worse than he usually is." Lucifer tried to dismiss her concern.  

"I'll admit, this whole * sickness * is a bit confusing. I know Sinners can get sick, but I haven’t heard of anything like this before. It can't spread to the other hotel patrons, can it?"   

"No, not unless they touch his puke or something, and I know Sinners are kinda unpredictable, but I can't see any of your patrons wanting to do that." Lucifer laughed.  There was, of course, also the matter of * biting * but he was there to prevent that from happening, so it wasn't worth mentioning to Charlie.  

"Oooookay." Charlie raised an eyebrow at him, and Lucifer was worried he was losing her confidence.   

"Look, it's nothing I came up with. You have a problem with the sickness, you can take it up with Pestilence." It was time for Lucifer to throw someone else under the metaphorical bus. Someone Charlie had never met, and who was not here to defend themselves currently. "You know he's always coming up with new shit."   

"Hey, am I better yet?" Adam, thankfully, interrupted. "Cause I don't feel any different.  Not entirely surprising because I was already a divine piece of ass, but like... I was expecting to not be black and white anymore."   

"Um, no." Charlie smiled, but there was less energy in it than before. "You're not cured, Adam. You did one thing I asked you to do, and that was use my name. But when you did that, you also insulted my dad in the same sentence."  

"Right and that was funny, hilarious, even." Adam stared back up at her.    

"No, it was just mean." Charlie's smile faded a little more.   

"I just don’t think you understand my more sophisticated humor. Lute would have laughed."   

"Lute was a fucking psycho." Vaggie had the opportunity to join the arguing, and she had taken it. It wasn’t shocking that she had issues with the other Exorcists. Lucifer was just relieved to find out at least some of them had normal names.   

"Listen, Adam, if you don’t want help, there isn't much I can do." Charlie’s tone was serious, though far from harsh. "But if you want to go enjoy your Wednesday lunches with Abel again, I suggest you put a bit more effort into this." Lucifer instantly tensed. He kept a careful eye on Adam, mentally pleading for the First Man to remain coherent.   

"Wednesday Abel, Friday Seth...." Adam did seem rather collected. "Maybe I can work out something with Cain on a Thursday... or any other day- I'm sure he's busy with work." He looked over at Charlie, "you know my son owns a company here, right?"   

"Yeah, Cain Organics." Charlie seemed a bit confused. "He helps oversee Hell's food production."   

"He was such a fucking good farmer. Like, you have no goddamn idea how talented he was. He learned from the best, obviously." Adam gestured to himself. "He would follow me around in the fields all day since he could walk."   

"Aw!" Charlie's smile seemed to return as she watched Adam reflect on his oldest son. "Little baby Uncle Cain sounds so cute!"   

"You keep calling him * uncle ." Adam raised an eyebrow. (Or maybe he raised both, Lucifer couldn't tell what the eyebrow on the silhouetted side of Adam’s face was doing.) "Not sure you know what that word means."   

"He's just always been around since I was little. He came to all my birthday parties.  He even made my cake for my big one hundred." Charlie went to her dresser and pulled out an old scrapbook. Lucifer found himself leaning in as well- he didn't know Charlie liked scrapbooking! That opened up an entire new array of gift possibilities for her! Maybe it was something they could do together! Sure, Lucifer hadn’t really done it before, but it looked like fun. (Plus, Charlie's little book was just so nicely constructed with lots of colors and stickers.) "Here we go," Charlie flipped through the pages until she found the one she was looking for. To Lucifer's surprise, she handed the book to Adam. Lucifer's anxiety instantly shot through the roof. He had no idea if Adam could be trusted with something as fragile as a scrapbook. He * really * hoped Charlie had extra copies somewhere.   

"Oh damn, look at that." Adam took the book from her, Lucifer leaned in close to keep an eye on what Adam was doing with his hands. He had no idea what powers Adam had retained from the Fall (the actual fall from grace, not the super kickass ride that everyone in Hell loved), but now really wasn't the time to find out. But the worst Adam did was put his thumb directly on Lilith's face as he looked at the photo of Charlie with her parents standing in front of an absolutely * massive * cake. Standing to the side of the cake was Cain looking quite pleased with himself. "That is a fucking baller cake."  

"It tasted even better than it looks." Charlie smiled down at him. Lucifer had to admit, he wasn't expecting Adam to be capable of carrying on a civil conversation with Charlie. He wasn't sure if he needed to be watching him for signs of worsening Corruption, or signs that he would vomit over Charlie's beautiful album. "He made a lot of my birthday cakes, actually. But that one was probably my favorite."   

"Not surprised." Adam smirked. "Lilly couldn't cook for shit, and I * know * your dad's worthless when it comes to food unless he's pulling crap out of his ass."   

"It's called * conjuring , Adam, and you fucking know that." Lucifer's eyes narrowed. (He hadn’t heard Adam refer to Lilith as Lilly in quite some time.)  "I'm not pulling shit out of my ass; I'm altering the particles in the air to create a desired outcome. You wouldn't get it. It's an * Archangel * thing."   

"If it's an '* Archangel thing ' then why the fuck can you do it?" Adam met his gaze.   

"Listen here you little shit-" Lucifer was ready with an incredibly witty comeback, but Charlie spoke up before he could absolutely destroy Adam on an emotional level with his clever wordplay.   

"Archangel? Those are the Angels in charge, right? Like Sera?"   

"Oh * fuck * no." Lucifer tried not to laugh but failed. Much to Lucifer's surprise, Adam snorted.  

"She wishes."   

"Oh, I just thought... with the trial and everything..." Charlie didn't seem upset, just surprised by the reactions. (Or maybe simply surprised that Adam and Lucifer shared a sentiment, given that both had done nothing but bicker since their arrival.)   

"No," Vaggie shook her head. "Sera's not an Arch, but she is basically the go-to if you want to talk to them. I never saw a single one of the Big Four when I was in Heaven."   

"They're a bunch of elusive, judgmental, holier-than-thou assholes." Lucifer made a face. "I'm not shocked you didn't run into one of them. They don't waste their time on petty shit like damned souls. They have too much snooty gossiping to be doing. Lesser angels, Winners, even Seraphim are beneath them."   

"Oh..." Charlie looked slightly disappointed. "I thought if someone outranked Sera, maybe I could pitch the Hotel again... you know... without Adam and Lute interrupting."   

"We did have the best part of your song though, hands down." Adam didn't seem too invested in their conversation. He was distracted by Charlie's scrapbook where Lucifer could only assume that he was in search of photos containing Cain.  

"I don't think they'll care, Charlie. Last time I made a suggestion to those bitches they cut my fucking wings off." Lucifer took Charlie's hand. (He was still sitting beside Adam, and he didn't want to get up in case Adam pulled out a marker, scissors, or some kind of lighter to '* redecorate ' Charlie's carefully curated scrapbook. However, he did still want to give his daughter some comfort.) He hated letting Charlie down, but Heaven had burned him before- he couldn't let it hurt his daughter.  

"I don't think-" Adam spoke but didn't look up.   

"Adam, shut up." Lucifer didn't break eye contact with Charlie. "Sorry my little red delicious..."  

"Eh, it's fine. We'll just have to try again once we have proof it works!" Charlie's smile melted Lucifer's whole heart.  "Why don't we head downstairs! We can practice some more Redemption exercises! My room is nice and all, but it's a little crowded with all four of us!" Lucifer also had to imagine that Charlie wasn't the biggest fan of Adam pawing through her things like an animal. She held her hand out to Adam for the scrapbook. The First Man reached the end, and much to Lucifer's surprise, handed it back without damaging it.    

"I still think this whole thing is bullshit, but why the fuck not. It's better than being locked in Dick Bag's house and being forced to do all his bidding."   

"Wh-" Lucifer's cheeks went bright gold. "That... that did not happen Charlie. I swear to you. He has always had the ability to leave at literally * any * time. He is staying by his own volition."   

"I know dad." Charlie chuckled. "I trust you, and I don't trust Adam." She looked back at the newly Fallen still sitting on her floor. "Not * yet * at least. But if we work together, we can build that trust as we work your way back up to Heaven!"   

"Not gonna happen, princess." Adam got off the floor dusting himself off. "I liked some of those pictures though."  

"I'm glad!" Charlie opened the door. It seemed her chat with Adam had calmed him down immensely.   

"You go first." Vaggie half-nudged, half-forced Adam out of the door. Lucifer took the opportunity to jump to his feet, grabbing both Charlie and Vaggie and pulling them toward him, lowering his voice.   

"Real quick: do NOT mention Adam's death during Extermination Day, okay? He doesn't remember and if he thinks about it too hard, he freaks out."   

"Okay, that sounds easy enough." Charlie nodded. "Right Vaggie?"   

"I mean, sure, but he's gonna hear about it eventually." Vaggie seemed less thrilled with the idea. "And he's fine * now ."   

"Just trust me, you're better off avoiding it." Lucifer kept his voice low.   

"What are you losers whispering about?" Adam stood directly behind Vaggie who whirled around with the spear. Lucifer had to grab her arm to stop her from impaling Adam straight through. Luckily the spear stopped just shy of his chest. Unfortunately, it startled Adam enough that he stumbled back and started to fall over the hotel banister. His wings flared out, but Lucifer had seen how well they worked. In a flash Lucifer was beneath him, catching Adam in his arms and lowering him on the floor.   

"Adam, are you okay!?" Charlie ran to the banister looking down at the scene below her with genuine concern.   

"I can't believe you fucking fell!" Vaggie was leaning over the banister as well though her expression and words were far less empathetic and more amused.   

"I'm fine." Adam's wings rustled as he shook himself. "I was caught by a fucking baked bean in a top hat."   

"And what could you say to dad? You know, to show how you feel about him catching you?" Charlie was undeterred by Adam's slew of insults.   

"I'd rather have hit the floor." Adam's expression was stoic.   

"Not what I meant." Charlie sighed.   

"Eh, don't be so sad, Honeycrisp." Lucifer was more relieved than anything else. There was no telling how much Adam he would have been forced to clean off the floor if he had fallen. (Not to mention the subsequent reformation of his body would be a nightmare to monitor.) "It would probably kill him to say thank you, especially to me."   

"Oh, fuck off." Adam crossed his arms over his chest. "I mean... * thank you ." The amount of sarcasm dripping from Adam's voice could have made a moody teenage girl jealous. Adam hunched over for a second, he didn't look queasy, but he looked like he was ready to throw up. "It... it's not happening. What the fuck? I said the thing."   

"It has to be * genuine , dumbass." Lucifer rolled his eyes.   

"Yeah... that's not fucking happening." Adam returned to his standing position. "It's your fault I even tripped in the first goddamn place. If you hadn't been holding your * secret conference * upstairs, I wouldn't have almost been stabbed."   

"That's a big fucking stretch." Vaggie mused as she and Charlie reached the bottom of the stairs at last.   

"Yeah well-" Adam was cut off as the Hotel doors flew open and two of the Sinner patrons burst in.   

"Guess who is off work early tonight, sluts!" Angel Dust seemed to be in a remarkably good mood.   

"Angel! That's great!" Charlie clapped her hands together.  

"Damn, that's worthy of some drinks." One of the bedroom doors opened and Husk ventured out to join the group. Lucifer was starting to get a bit uneasy as the room started filling up.   

"The night is ours for painting the town red!" Cherri cheered, leaning on Angel's shoulder. "Get those drinks started and keep 'em comin', mate!" Listening to her talk, Lucifer realized that her accent was vaguely similar to Lysander's. Which was weird because Lysander was a Hellborn.   

"Yeah, Val was in a fucking great mood today. He decided to let everyone go early after Vox came down to talk to him. Not gonna question it because I am benefitting~" Angel gave a dramatic stretch.   

"* Oh goody~ " Great. The Radio Demon was now also back at the hotel, strolling in like he owned the place (which he only * partially * did). "* The Vees are all in a good mood? Perhaps it's time for Hell to freeze over. It's been a while since that happened. We're bound to be due. "   

"I wouldn't say that. I mean I only saw Vox for a second, but he looked a little tired. Maybe he was just hung over." Angel shrugged. "Not my problem~"  

"No fucking way..." Adam was staring at Husk. "That motherfucker has wings! Tell him to put * his * wings up!"   

"They are * little * wings. They aren't like yours! And he doesn't have * that *." Lucifer pointed at Adam's halo.   

"Bullshit." Adam scoffed. "He has something on his head too."   

"A * hat , Adam. He has a fucking hat! He's a cat-based Sinner with little wings and a tiny hat."   

"Cats don't have wings, stupid."   

"That's just his Sinner form, fuck ass! I didn't *invent* it! That's just what Hell does!"   

"So what? He's like a sphynx?" Adam seemed remarkably unconvinced by Lucifer's explanation. The Devil blinked.   

"I mean... I don't *think* so."   

"Hold the fucking phone!" Angel Dust's voice interrupted Lucifer's and Adam's private bickering session. "Um... Charlie... what the actual * fuck * is * that * doing here!?"   

"Angel! Sorry, that's my fault." Charlie could sense the tension and she quickly positioned herself between the Hotel residents and Adam. "Dad asked me to help him with something."  

"Help HIM!?" Cherri was poised, ready to fight. "Are you bloody serious!?"   

"It was an emergency, and well... this hotel * is * about redemption." Charlie was doing everything in her power to keep a fight from erupting.   

"Charlie..." Angel looked more * upset * than anything else. "He killed Pentious..."  

"I... I know..." Hearing the heartbreak in Charlie's voice tore Lucifer's own resolve to shreds. God, she was so fucking strong, putting up with Adam's bullshit after everything he had done to her? What kind of father would thrust that on his only daughter?   

"* Come now, Angel. Don't be so harsh ."   

"The fuck are you talking about?" Angel's eyes narrowed as Alastor surveyed the chaos with un unwavering grin.   

"* We've all killed people. This is Hell, after all. The only difference is: I've never killed anyone you knew personally ~"   

"Shut the fuck up." Cherri turned her aggression toward the radio demon.   

"We should go." Lucifer could feel the tension in the room boiling. The last thing he wanted to do was cause trouble for his daughter at her hotel. "Come on, Adam."   

"Yep, I'm out." Adam stopped for a moment, turning to Charlie. "They have every right to be mad at me. I get it. But thanks for letting me see those pictures." And with that he walked out. Lucifer closed the door to the Hotel behind them. Not a moment too soon as Adam hunched over. A bag materialized in front of him, and he grabbed it, throwing up almost instantly. "Are you fucking kidding me!?" The bag went up in flames the moment he stopped.  (Honestly, Lucifer was surprised he had made it this long. A genuine thank you to Charlie, that wasn't what he was expecting, but it was progress.) Though, perhaps in future sessions, he should have Charlie come to Adam. The Sinners, rightfully, didn't want anything to do with the general who led the Exorcists. He couldn't blame the harsh reactions. Who knows what they had lost at Adam's hands. He was lucky they didn't attack on sight.   

"Good work today, Adam." Lucifer wasn't being one hundred percent genuine, but there was a real compliment buried under his annoyance. "You only insulted my daughter * most * of the time."   

"Fuck off, I feel like shit." Adam glowered at him as they headed back toward the mansion.   

"Yeah, not surprising." Lucifer didn't feel like telling Adam: * it only gets worse from here , would be helpful in motivating him. "Maybe you can relax when we get back, after you finish cleaning, of course."   

"Not happening." Adam rubbed his eyes, he looked * exhausted . Not that anyone in Hell ever looked chipper and well rested- aside from Lucifer's darling daughter- but there was no denying that Adam looked * sick . (And that was ignoring his- half- pasty Sinner complexion.)   

"Figured I would try." Lucifer gave a little shrug. "You're really not much of a maid, if I'm being honest."   

"Because I’m not your fucking maid."   

"Yeah, not a good one at all. I am going to have to talk to your references."   

"I should have been security."  

"That's Lysander's job, you know that." Lucifer smiled at the absurdity of the idea. "Plus, you hate me. Why would I put you in charge of security? You would be handing weapons out at the front door and offering a power point presentation of all my weaknesses."   

"I mean... that's fair." Adam gave a little shrug. "Except I am not the best with technology, which wasn't so much a problem in Heaven because everything just kind of adapts to you and is just incredibly easy to use- but I will tell you I have been shit at it in Hell. I don't even think the phone in my room works at all." Lucifer didn’t have the energy or desire to explain to Adam that the reason his phone wasn't working was less that Adam was just innately bad with technology (which he might be, Lucifer hadn’t seen him try enough to know for sure) and more that Adam had ripped the phone out of the wall while in a delusional state. (Though the fact that Adam had yet to realize it wasn't plugged in didn't bode well for the future.) "So maybe instead if a power point, I would just like, give out pamphlets."   

"See? This is why you aren't doing security." Lucifer mused. "Also, before you get any ideas about passing out those pamphlets anyway, I should remind you that your safety is directly tied to me. If I go down, you are at Hell's mercy, and if the Sinners were merciful, they wouldn't be down here. So, proceed with caution."   

"Oh, I hate that."   

"Good. I'm glad you hate it." Lucifer hated it too because it meant protecting Adam, but at least it made Adam miserable, and that knowledge brought Lucifer a small spark of joy.  

"Fine, so no murder pamphlets, but I am not fucking cleaning."   

"Yeah, I really don't expect you to. So, you not cleaning is not the great act of protest that you think it is."   

"Your house is a disaster; you would need my whole fucking army to clean it."   

"Are you volunteering them? Because yeah it might be a little weird to have Exorcists at my house picking things up off the floor, but I'm not really * opposed * to the idea."   

"I wasn't volunteering them; I was insulting you."   

"Well don't insult me with the promise of extra help. I mean, you'd be the one having to split your paycheck with all of them. But I would give you a bonus for efficiency."   

"The Exorcists aren't coming to clean your fucking house."   

"Right, because you don't want to share your pay. I get that."   

"No. No one is cleaning your goddamn house!"   

"I don't know why you sound so upset when you're the one who suggested it." Should Lucifer have been a little easier on Adam given the situation? Probably. But Adam didn’t seem to like it when Lucifer showed him any kind of empathy or pity. In fact, it had quite the opposite effect and seemed to just upset him more. Plus, Lucifer wasn't exactly Adam’s biggest fan, and he could only bite his tongue for so long before a stream of mockery just sort of tumbled out of his mouth.   

"You know goddamn well I didn't suggest shit to you."   

"Oh look! We're here." Lucifer ignored Adam’s irritation and walked along the pathway up to his door. "Now you run along and get to dusting.  I have work to do." Lucifer opened the door and waved Adam along. The First Man simply flipped up his middle finger and stalked off toward his room. That was all well and good. Lucifer had more important things to do, and Adam would just get in the way. (Not to mention, he had actually made progress, which was mostly just shocking. Lucifer couldn't imagine that Adam felt great.)  

Lucifer had to go to the west wing again, though not to the hidden room, just to another, forgotten office that held different, less dangerous artifacts that Lucifer had long ago neglected. These were all important, sure, but not necessarily important to the Devil who owned them. The room had gathered dust in the years since he had last used it- it had to be at least five since he had last stumbled in here. It was a shame the maid wasn't allowed in the West Wing because damn if this place didn't need cleaning. (Not that Adam *would* clean it, but that was beside the point.)   

The King of Hell sighed as he surveyed how crowded this room had gotten. It was less an archive of important objects, and more a junk-filled storage chamber. And somewhere in here was the item he needed. Damn, Heaven would be riding his ass if they knew he had to actually look for the fucking thing. It was supposed to be displayed in a '* safe place of great importance ', but that was a waste of fucking time and energy.  And really, Lucifer had no desire to have to look at the fucking thing every day. It was tacky and clashed with his * incredibly * stylish decor.   

He moved some objects around, trying not to get too much dust on him as he tried to locate the item in question. It had to be around somewhere, and it wasn't like the thing was small. It was actually about the size of a door. So, it wasn't as if the thing could hide. It was just a matter of figuring out where it had gotten buried. He really needed to think about cleaning up this room a bit, but that was a problem for future Lucifer. Right now, he was on a mission.   

There was a soft *clink* under the heel of his boot as if it had struck glass, and he immediately pulled back. He started shoving items aside as he saw exactly what he was looking for, flat on the floor practically invisible beneath the pile of artifacts that had stacked up above it. Fucking finally!  

Lucifer grabbed the gilded edges of his target and started pulling it out from its impromptu tomb. He dragged it toward the exit, no need to use it in this filthy room. He could put it in his workshop. He would just need to make some room. Once he had it free, he teleported, with his item, to the new, temporary destination.  

He found a nearby wall and placed his newly found item against it. It looked like a mirror, beautiful silvery glass surrounded by expertly crafted golden framing. It was truly an ornate piece, but it was also tacky as fuck because Heaven had created it. It was like they were allergic to style, Upstairs. All the more reason that Lucifer was better off down below. He frowned as he noticed a crack along the bottom. Fuck. Hopefully it still worked. He really should have been more careful with the stupid fucking thing. He probably wouldn't get a second one, or if he did, it would be accompanied by a long-ass lecture and hateful stares.   

Nope. He wasn't ready to deal with any of that bullshit. Not today, not ever.   

Lucifer shoved most of his ducks to the side to create the illusion of cleanliness in the area the mirror reflected. No fucking way he would let them see the disaster in which he was living. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He placed his hand to the glass, and it began to glow, the mirror becoming consumed with light until a silhouette appeared. The light died down and Lucifer stood face to face with Sera, her expression serene, hands folded gently in her lap.   

"Greetings Lucifer." Polite as always.   

"I need to talk to Raphael." This was it. The Heaven Phone- poorly named since it was really more like a mirror- but Lucifer hadn’t been in charge of the name.   

"Raphael is not taking calls at the moment." She didn't bat an eye.   

"It's * important , Sera. You know I don't call unless it's life or death."   

"One hundred years ago you called us to ask if our refrigerator was running."   

"Okay, but that was funny. Back then that joke was still new. I basically invented it." Lucifer was wasting his time preaching comedy to a fucking angel. He rolled his eyes putting both hands on his cane. "Fine, if Raphael is busy, let me talk to Hippolyta." One of Raphael highest ranking Seraphim would do in a pinch. In fact, it might even be preferable since he hadn't talked to one of the Big Four since he had Fallen, and he was more than keen to keep it that way.  

"Hippolyta is currently attending to business and is not taking calls."   

"Florence?" In Lucifer's memory, Florence had been just as high up in Raphael's medical hierarchy as Hippolyta.   

"Unavailable."   

"Are you fucking serious? Go get them. This is important medical information, Sera. Raphael's angels are going to want to know!"   

"I cannot interrupt them. But if it is so urgent, I will gladly take notes and bring them to Raphael myself. He can call you back if he feels it necessary." Sera was polite about it, but Lucifer could tell she was purposefully avoiding putting him into contact with the others. Most likely by the request of the other Seraphim.  Lucifer wasn't exactly * popular * in Heaven and he doubted any of the high ups actually wanted to deal with him- important intel or not. Sera was about the only one who would talk to him anymore. He gave a defeated sigh. There was no winning this.  

"Fine. But this is really something for Raphael's staff, not Gabriel's, so please make sure it gets to the right Seraphim." He took a deep breath. "Adam is here and he has the Corruption." There it was... all out in the open.   

"..." Sera stared at him for a moment. Lucifer really had expected more of a reaction from such big news. It's not like Sera didn't know what Corruption was, she was old enough to remember.   

"D... did you hear what I said?"   

"Adam... who? There are many Adams in this life and the next."   

"* Adam *, Adam. The First Man? Calls himself the Dickmaster despite his unimpressive size? Cain, Abel, and Seth's dad?"   

"Adam is dead, Lucifer."   

"No fucking shit, bitch. Yeah, I know, I was there. He doesn’t know it, and I would *not* bring that up if you see him. It doesn't go well for anyone.” Lucifer sighed. “But turns out, he got better, you know how contracts work, which he did break by the way. So, he Fell, capital F, and now he’s my fucking problem. But all of this is kind of minor compared to the other part of my big reveal? Remember? He's Corrupted? Big C? Now that I am saying this out loud, we should really diversify our angelic lexicon because differentiating words based solely on capital letters can get confusing when we talk."   

"Adam... is with you?" Sera seemed to be ignoring Lucifer's suggestions in favor of focusing on his original point. "No offense, but that seems unlikely."   

"No, no, no, no, no, he's definitely here. It's been my pain the ass since arrived like three... four days ago?" It was actually hard to remember, the past few days had all been running together.    

"And you have proof of this?"   

"Really?" Lucifer glared at her. Sure, he was called the * Prince of Lies * by some, but that didn't mean that he would lie about something important like this.  

"I am sorry, I mean no ill will, but it just seems... hard to believe."   

"Ugh." Lucifer rolled his eyes. "You're really gonna make me do this, aren’t you?" He picked his cane up, "Stay.” He pointed his cane at the mirror. “Stay right there." And with that he vanished, reappearing in the room Adam had claimed. He saw the First Man lying face-first on the bed, looking ready to doze off. Lucifer tapped him with his cane. "Get up, I need you."   

"Huh?" Adam looked up sleepily, he seemed a little out of it, given he hadn't immediately sat up and spit out an insult.   

"I need you, come on." Lucifer slid the apple topper of his cane beneath the collar of Adam’s angelic robe and lifted him up. Adam immediately started to flail, the wings popping out so fast Lucifer was smacked in the face with white feathers.   

"HEY PUT ME DOWN!"   

"Let's get going, bitch boy. I have need of you." Lucifer lowered him back on his feet. Adam immediately jumped back, away from him, giving the Devil an angry look. He wrapped his wings around himself, hunkering down.  

"Need me * for what ?"   

"Oh, don't be so skeptical.  It's for a fucking meeting, dumbass. I think you'd actually want to be there for it."   

"Meeting?" Adam still looked unsure, "is it your eleven o'clock? Because it’s like... six... ish..."   

"Huh, Syn told you about that too? No. I'm not going to that one on principle at this point. This is a meeting with your old employer, the Up Top."   

"Heaven!?" Adam’s wings flared back out, this time with excitement. "Fuck yeah I'll go! They can finally take me home!"   

"I wouldn't hold too tightly to that idea, Adam." That was one reason Lucifer hadn’t wanted to drag Adam to his little conference; despite predicting they would want proof of his arrival. (The other reason, of course, was that Adam was obnoxious and he really didn’t need him * hovering * while Lucifer tried to have a serious conversation.)  

"What are you waiting for!? Let's fucking go!"  

"This way," Lucifer lead him out of the bedroom and back to the workshop. "And do me a favor and try not to touch anything. Or mention the ducks."   

"No promises." Adam shrugged. Lucifer was already regretting his decision as he opened the door to where Sera was waiting on the other side of the glass. "Sera!" Adam ran forward, putting his hands against the glass, Lucifer immediately brought his hand to his own face, slowly dragging it down. His *d on't touch anything * warning had apparently fallen on deaf ears. "Holy fuck it's you!"  

"Adam..." Sera brought her hand to the glass, her other hand covering her mouth, eyes wide- even the eyes in her hair and halo had opened in horror upon seeing him. "Oh Adam... what happened to you?"  

"No idea, I just woke up like this." Adam shook his head. "But you can fix it! Right? It's Wednesday and I have missed a lot of my lunches with Abel, so if I can just go on back that would be-"  

"Adam, you poor soul..." Sera lowered the hand over her mouth and brought it to where her heart would be if she were a human. "You cannot return to Heaven in such a state."   

"I am pretty sure this is a misunderstanding.  I served Heaven. I have been a good man. I deserve to go back. I * have * to go back."   

"I am so, *so* sorry, Adam, my child. I have no idea how such a fate has befallen you..." Sera had tears in her eyes.   

"He's Corrupted, Sera. I would show you the black blood, but it takes a while and seeing you has already made Adam antsy." Lucifer didn't really feel like stressing Adam out anymore, knowing how his emotions could worsen his mental and physical state. "So, you'll have to trust me. I’m guessing he picked it up in Purgatory. No telling how long he has had it, so you best check anyone he's in close contact with just to be sure it isn't spreading. I would focus on the Exorcists."  

"An excellent suggestion, Lucifer." Sera nodded her head gravely, though her gaze was still on Adam. "However, those are decisions that Raphael should be making. I will relay your recommendations."   

"You can help me! Right? Let me talk to Raph." Adam was getting stressed, just as Lucifer feared. "Let me go Upstairs with you guys so I can get better..."   

"Adam, I will relay all this directly to Raphael, I am sure he will come up with something." Sera's voice was calming, despite the sadness in her eyes. "But you cannot come up here. Even if this is a misunderstanding and you belong back with us- if you have an illness... Heaven will only mask the symptoms. You... might be better off where you are..."   

"Let me talk to Raph!" Adam insisted a tad more forcefully.   

"I will let him know the situation." Sera kept completely calm.   

"Listen I know he's n-" Adam started to say something but all of Sera’s eyes opened at once and she gave him a look.  

"Adam, you are going to exacerbate your condition if you keep stressing. Why do you not take a seat and let Lucifer and I finish talking?"   

"Take it easy." Lucifer hesitantly put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, pulling him back, away from the image of Sera. "You've already had a long day; you don't need to make things worse."   

"You have done so much for us Adam, I will talk to Michael and plead a case for your return. And I will alert Raphael to your possible condition." Sera looked empathetic, staring down at Adam, her expression soft, one hand still on the glass. Adam put his silhouetted hand against the glass so that his palm was against Sera's. Her hand made his look so small in comparison, especially since he had lost his angelic size-shifting abilities leaving Adam no larger than he was as a man.   

"Can I at least talk to Seth and Abel?"  

"Adam..." her eyes cast their gaze downward. "... no."   

"But they have to be worried! At least let me tell them I'm okay! I-"   

"* Are * you okay Adam? You're in Hell... Fallen from grace... you might be sick with something that could * endanger * your sons. You know they would both come running to your aid if they knew. And then what, Adam? What fate would befall them? Would you want them to forgo the comforts and safety of Heaven to come running to your side? Haven't they, especially * Abel , suffered enough for your mistakes?"  

"But..."   

"I am sorry my child, but they are better off not knowing the truth. When these things are settled, and if it is determined you are still divine, then you can open your arms to them up here."   

"Come on Sera, it wouldn't hurt just to let him say hi to his kids..." Lucifer never thought he would be arguing on Adam's behalf, but he hadn't seen the First Man look so crestfallen since he had died. He lowered his voice. "Things didn't exactly go great for him when he reunited with Cain."   

"Cain is a murderer who robbed Adam of his youngest son." Sera did not keep her voice down, and Adam was still right beside the mirror.   

"Don't fucking talk about Cain like that!"  

"Adam, temper." Sera did not so much as raise her voice. Her hand fell away from the mirror and back into her lap. "The sin of wrath is already consuming you... it pains me to see you like this... breaks my heart."   

"I think this conversation needs to end." Lucifer cleared his throat. Adam was beyond stressed by this point, bordering on having another episode.  

"I will relay your concerns to the Archangels, Lucifer. You have my word. They will contact you if and when they see fit." Sera didn't fight him. Knowing the Arch's, Lucifer wouldn't hear shit, so he wouldn't keep his hopes up. At least he had fucking tried. "Good day to you, your majesty."   

"Good day and thank you for absolutely nothing." Lucifer tapped the mirror and the image of Sera disappeared. He immediately turned to Adam. "Sorry about all that, why don't you go back to sleep?"   

"Did you hear her!?" Adam was * livid . "The fucking audacity of that bitch!"   

"Yeah, that's Heaven for you. They raise some good points, but they won't even let you argue your side. They know best. Fucking assholes." Lucifer tried to keep his tone light; he didn't want to push Adam over the edge.   

"After everything I have done for them, for * her . And they won't even let me talk to my fucking sons!? And did you HEAR what she said about Cain!? My Cain!?"   

"They do hold grudges up in Heaven, speaking from experience."   

"I just can't believe she would *do* this! What ever happened to the * Oh no Adam, you have to Adam. We Need you, Adam! This is fucking bullshit!"   

"Wait... what are you talking about?" Lucifer was quickly losing track of Adam's train of thought.   

"Next time you * need * something from me Heaven, you can suck my HOLY DICK!"   

"Who needed what?" This was the first time Adam had ever mentioned anything like this, and Lucifer wasn't sure if this was insight into something, or just another deluded rant. Adam could quickly disconnect from reality, and Lucifer had no way of knowing if he was genuinely recollecting, or if his mind was creating an event that had never taken place. Unfortunately, Adam wasn't the most reliable narrator.   

"When they needed-" Adam cut off suddenly, his eyes rolled back in his head.   

"FUCK!" Lucifer darted forward and managed to grab him before his head smacked into the work bench. Adam was rigid, he started convulsing in the Devil's grip. Lucifer carefully laid him on his back. He conjured up a pillow to place under the Sinner's head. Adam's convulsions worsened for a moment before he finally relaxed. "Adam...?" Lucifer called his name. He could see blood dripping from Adam's nose, but he seemed otherwise unharmed. "Adam... can you hear me...?"  

"Ugh..." Adam made a noise of discomfort. Relief washed over Lucifer. Adam was talking, that was a good sign. "I feel like I've been trampled..."   

"Do you remember anything we were talking about?"   

"I remember talking to Sera... and she was being a real fucking bitch. Unless... I dreamed that." Adam blinked, his eyes were still a bit hazy, but it seemed like he was back to his old, awful self.   

"No, that happened. Can you stand up?"   

"Fucking Sera." Adam shifted, but rather than getting into a sitting position, he flopped over. "This is her fault. Or your fault. Both. You're in cahoots."   

"Come on," Lucifer rolled his eyes. Yeah, Adam seemed fine. "You're gonna get blood on my floor if you flop around like that." He put a hand under Adam's arms and helped lift him into a sitting position.   

"It's just like... why wouldn't she do more? Why couldn't she just fucking fix me?"   

"That's not how Corruption works. If there was a be-all-end-all cure, I would have used it by now." Lucifer understood the frustration. Being let down by Heaven for the first time could really shake up a man's world view. "They're doing their best."  

"She could have at least let me see my fucking kids." Adam grumbled. "I mean, are they just gonna think I'm dead? I went for an Extermination and just never came back? That's fucked up."   

"Yeah, it kinda is." Lucifer looked toward the exit, "I can probably get you back to your room."  

"I don't need your fucking help. I can...." Adam stopped talking. Just mid-sentence. It was as if someone abruptly cut the sound. Lucifer started to turn his head when he felt a sharp, pinching pain in the side of his neck. His eyes looked in the now reflective, mirror surface of the Heaven phone. Lucifer's mouth went dry as he saw Adam, eyes completely clouded and blank, teeth sinking into Lucifer's neck.   

"FUCKING SHIT!" Lucifer immediately shoved Adam away, racing toward the mirror.   

"Ah!" And just like that Adam seemed back to normal. He had never changed personalities so fucking quickly before Lucifer didn't know it was even possible. "Why'd you push me, jackass!?"  

"You BIT me!"   

"No, I didn't." Adam ran his tongue over his teeth. "Though my mouth does taste kinda funny..."  

"Because you FUCKING * BIT * ME!" Lucifer examined the wound in the mirror, his mind racing. He could see the puncture wounds in the semicircular shape of a human bite. (It appeared Adam did, in fact, have teeth on the whited-out side of his mouth. They just couldn't be seen through the unnatural glow. Well, that was a fun fact.) Lucifer wiped the small streams of golden blood away with his black glove. Fuuuuuck. This was bad. This was RFEALLY bad. This was-  

Lucifer's mind stopped racing as he watched his natural healing kick in. The bites immediately closed up.   

Oh. Never mind. This was fine.   

"That's bad... right?" Adam was still struggling to get up.   

"It's fine." Lucifer showed him the white of his neck where the bite had once been. "Like I said, I'm immune."   

"Well, aren't you just fucking special."   

"I really am." Lucifer grinned at him. "Now let's get you back to your room. But this time, we're using safety precautions."  

"Safety wh-" Adam was cut off as a muzzle appeared over his mouth. He glowered up at Lucifer. "Oh, come the fuck on."

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 12: Breakfast from Hell

Adam had thrown up the Corruption.

Right on the floor, completely unprompted. If Lucifer hadn't watched it happen, he would have never believed it. The first two times that toxic black gunk had splattered on the floor had been because of Lucifer's own magic. (Infernal magic wasn't the best at combating the Eldritch, but it was moderately successful. Holy magic was far more potent- so the fact that Adam had gotten Corrupted at all was still alarming to say the very least.) But he hadn't used any magic. He had just been minding his own business, readying himself to sleep- it wasn't really necessary for him. But he enjoyed sleeping, sometimes he indulged in it, which would have been problematic in Heaven, but in Hell, he made the rules and could do whatever the fuck he wanted. Though, sleeping was going to have to wait because Adam threw up the Corruption, completely unprompted, onto the nice clean floor.

(Also, Adam had been cleaning, which in and of itself was pretty fucking weird because Lucifer was fairly sure the only type of cleaning house that Adam was good at, or even enjoyed was the kind that involved murder.)

So, Lucifer had to forego the joys of sleeping to escape the Hellish torment of the waking world. And with Adam here, it really was bordering on torment the likes of which he had not seen since his initial Fall. Sure, Adam had eased up and been less of a fucking nightmare toward the end of their outing, but cleaning Lucifer's hallway seemed immensely out of character for a man who would rather bite off his own wings than pay Lucifer a compliment. Sure, Adam was technically his maid, but they both knew Lucifer was just giving him a job he would absolutely hate to prove a point. The point was that Lucifer held the cards so long as Adam was in Hell. It was unspoken, but he had assumed it was very clear. He never thought Adam was actually going to do anything helpful. Honestly, Lucifer had presumed it was just impossible for Adam to do anything more than make his already awful situation worse than ever before. That was the nature of Corruption, it took the worst, most toxic traits of whatever host it burrowed into, and amplified them until there was nothing left but an empty, malignant shell where a soul once resided. It devoured you from the inside out. Lucifer had seen it before, seen friends and allies turn to monstrosities starting from within. Of course, Adam had yet to start growing extra eyes or mutate in any, physical way outside of what was typical of a Sinner. So, Adam still had time to salvage what was left of him.

Admittedly the few human cases Lucifer had witnessed over time were more severe and had been in the living.

This was why Lucifer had decided to forget his previous plan of sleeping and chose to bury himself in the scrolls he had obtained from Purgatory. He had sent Adam to bed, of course, Sinners needed rest and Lucifer assumed the Corruption drained Adam more quickly. (Though maybe it didn't as Adam always seemed to have the energy to find an insulting quip.) Plus, Lucifer wanted quiet while he researched. Lysander was probably passed out, Syn was in her room doing... something (Lucifer had no idea what Syn got up to most evenings) Quackers was in the kitchen, and Adam was in his newly chosen room (with any luck, asleep). So that left Lucifer alone to go to his study and pull out the scrolls that he had initially collected.

There were quite a few of them, mostly written by Uriel and the angels beneath her: The scribes, the know-it-alls. They were an obnoxious lot, constantly watching, observing, silently judging everything. But damn if they weren't good bookkeepers.

He started reading through them. They were written in an ancient Celestial dialect that would burn the eyes of the Sinners, but he was no mere Sinner. He had spoken this language since long before the humans took their first breath. (The fact that, the longer he stared, the more it hurt his eyes, hurt his ego more.) It had been so long ago that Lucifer had last looked into this, that he recalled being there when some of these scrolls were written.

There wasn't much on the actual Corruption or how it pertained to humans. It was mostly just recounting events that Lucifer had already witnessed. Which wasn't really helpful. He didn't need a history lesson, he needed answers.

He pushed the scrolls aside in frustration, finding that stupid log sheet he had to sign still lying in between the papers. He saw the checkout date and return date- the return date was even highlighted- fucking Jazeerael had no faith in him apparently. Though it did look like he did that for everyone. The log had the previous few checkout dates listed as well, all highlighted and all by the same fucker too. Who kept checking out the same scrolls over and over-

Lucifer's eyes scrolled up until he saw the signature toward the top. Instantly he got a sour taste in his mouth and his desire to read plummeted to nothing. God, nothing could suck the drive out of him like being reminded of that callous, unfeeling bastard that had unjustly cast him out from his home in Heaven for nothing more than helping humankind and daring to love.

Michael.

Forget about the research. It was all bullshit anyway. Why would Michael even have been looking at this shit? That asshole didn't do anything that wasn't directly related to fucking over Lucifer. It was basically his full-time job.

Fuck the research, Lucifer was going to bed.

He stormed out of his study and back to his room. This was a dumb idea anyway. Maybe Adam had a concussion from one of the rides or something and he was just looking too much into it. With a snap of his finger, Lucifer was in his bed clothes. He threw open the door to his room, slamming it shut, and jumping face-first onto his bed. Fuck everything, he was going to sleep.

Lucifer awoke feeling slightly more refreshed. Sleeping was really a great thing, maybe if more angels tried it- they wouldn't all be such bitches.

Another snap and he was in his suit, his hair perfect, not a single blemish on his face. He opened the door. He looked over the hallway, it was a lot nicer looking than it had been, so maybe he hadn't imagined the whole thing with Adam from the night before. (Or maybe he had, and he was just sleep-cleaning or something). Though, there was a new black stain on the floor of the Hallway near Adam's door. Lucifer had burned away all the Corruption from the night before... so this was new. Was it more Corruption? Had Adam cut himself? Or vomited again? Or had the First Man simply spilled some of the paints Syn collected onto Lucifer's floor for the sole purpose of staining it? That did seem likely.

Still, he couldn't take the risk. So, he moved a gloved hand in the air, over the stain, and infernal fire burned the gunk away. And with that, he headed down the stairs to the main hall. He saw Adam, Lysander, and Syn sitting in the parlor with takeout. (Lucifer had to assume Lysander bought it, as Adam and Syn had no money). "Good morning my faithful staff, and Adam."

"Morning boss."

"Master, you have awakened!"

"Look who finally decided to get his sorry ass out of fucking bed and join the waking world."

"Glad to see you are all awake and ready for a new day!" Perhaps, everything with Adam last night had just been a fluke. He seemed back to his wretched, intolerable self, relaxing on one of Lucifer's expensive parlor chairs wiping his greasy fingers on the easily stained fabric. "Adam, you seem to be feeling more yourself- which is to say- more like an obnoxious pain in my ass." Adam's face tinted gold on the pale, white side that Lucifer could see.

"Shut the fuck up, you're the whole goddamn reason I'm trapped down here."

"No. You're the reason you're trapped down here. I did not hold your weapon and force your hand to spill Hellborn blood. I did not whisper in your ear to attack my daughter, thereby breaking the terms of our agreement. Those were all choices you made on your own." Lucifer met his gaze. Yep, Adam was behaving as expected. Whatever head trauma he had suffered at the park had clearly resolved.

"I got you a bagel." Lysander intervened, holding up a bag for Lucifer to see. "Figured you might be hungry."

"Thank you." Lucifer joined them in the parlor, taking the bag and opening it to find a plain bagel, nothing fancy, but it was still nice to have been included. He preferred things that were decadent, sweet... but this was fine.

"I was gonna get you a different one, but Adam said this was a better option." Lysander went back to eating a sandwich that appeared to be more meat than anything else.

"He did?" Lucifer raised an eyebrow. Depending on what Lysander's initial choice had been, Adam had either made things far better or way worse. Before Lucifer could inquire further, Adam interrupted.

"I puked in the hallway this morning. Twice. Same spot though. Your theme park food is absolute shit, and I can't fucking keep it down." So that's what the black sludge was in front of Adam's door. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Why?"

"Dude, I don't fucking know. I told you, it's probably because the food here is terrible and I am used to tasting only the best in Heaven." Adam immediately went back to eating. Apparently, his problem with the food didn't include what appeared to be some kind of steak sandwich.

"I mean, all you ate yesterday was two buckets of popcorn. I feel like that's not really the fault of our cuisine so much as it is that you ate junk and rode Rollercoasters." Lysander remarked, mouth still half full.

"I wasn't gonna eat any of that apple shit." Adam scoffed. "Call it personal."

"Again, it wasn't actually an apple Adam. The forbidden fruit just looked that way because it was going to appear like what you enjoyed most." Lucifer rolled his eyes taking a bite of the bagel. It wasn't bad, even a little sweet. It might have had some sort of honey glaze, which was a pleasant surprise.

"I would have had a cake."

"You don't eat." Adam remarked dryly. Lucifer did notice that Syn had food in front of her. It was a muffin of some kind and at Adam's words, she flew up and landed on top of the muffin. It was almost as large as she was.

"But if I could, I would eat cake."

"You have good taste, Syn! You get that from me." Lucifer wasn't going to lie; he was low-key eyeing that muffin she had. It did look good.

"She doesn't even have a mouth." Adam had somehow managed to finish the entire sandwich, slathered cheese, while only managing to stain Lucifer's furniture. Adam's robes, which were all white, were pristine.

"I like to feel included."

"Dude, why the fuck are you bringing it up anyway? You were the one who suggested the muffin." Lysander's comment drew Lucifer's interest. It wasn't like the Adam he had come to know in the current times to show any kind of empathy.

"He did?" Lucifer looked over at Syn who was sitting on her muffin quite content, wings folded behind her. "That's uncharacteristically nice of you."

"No, I didn't." Adam rolled his eyes- or at least the only eye that had a pupil. "I was being sarcastic, and you decided to take it literally." He reached into his bag of food pulling out some sort of fried potato snack that definitely looked to be covered in grease. Lucifer clearly watched Adam wipe his hands on the plush chair.

"You know, you are just making more work for yourself. You're the maid." Lucifer pointed out the fact that all these stains were eventually going to be Adam's problem.

"Yeah, but I'm not doing that." Adam popped one of the little round snacks into his mouth. "I thought that was pretty well established."

"You did it last night." Lucifer mused.

"I fucking told you; I only did that because it was hard to think in that fucking disaster of a hallway. Plus, I didn't want to trip over something in the dead of night and break my neck. I mean, it's unlikely because I am so smooth and coordinated, but like, why risk it? Ya know?" As he spoke, Adam was leaning the chair back on its two legs, pushing off with his foot. He attempted to remain balanced, but the chair tumbled back, and Adam's wings spread out as he tried to catch himself. The wings knocked over one of Lucifer's very nice vases as Adam crashed to the ground. Lucifer went to catch it with magic, but to his complete shock, Adam caught it right before it hit the ground. Adam seemed to surprise himself, as he glanced at the vase in his hand before letting it drop to the floor. Of course, it was already pretty close to the ground, so it didn't damage the vase at all, and it rolled to the side. Lucifer watched Adam's expression and he mostly looked annoyed if anything. Maybe a little... queasy?

"That was truly coordinated." Lucifer put the bagel in his teeth for a moment so he could clap his hands for Adam's little display. He took a bite before holding it again.

"Oh, shut the fuck up." Adam lifted the chair back up and gathered the little potatoes he had spilled, putting them back in the bag. Lucifer made a face.

"Adam those were on the ground."

"Five second rule." Adam made direct eye contact with Lucifer as he took his snack from the bag and put it in his mouth.

"I do not have a five second rule in my list of rules."

"Not a real rule, Syn. Ignore him. It's something humans invented so they could eat food off the ground, like heathens." Lucifer considered just making the food in question vanish from existence, but it might not be worth the fight. "This isn't Heaven, Adam, and while my mansion is clean, that kind of shit will make you sick."

"I mean, I'm already sick, right?" Adam didn't sound all that concerned. "Plus, when I was alive, we didn't bother with all of this nonsense. I ate right off the ground all the time with zero negative consequences."

"In Eden." While Adam had a point, there was a major part of the story missing. "I guarantee that if you ate off the ground outside of Eden, that you were filled with a massive amount of regret."

"Only if I did it outside of that five second window. That's how I know about the rule, I discovered it through science. Cause I'm smart like that."

"Adam is a very scientific maid!"

"Not a maid." Adam interjected at the exact same moment Lucifer said:

"He's not scientific."

"Wow," Adam looked over at Lucifer, apparently having heard his retort. "Fuck off, old man. I am incredibly scientific. I had to be, you know, First Man and all that." He gave a smug little smirk to Lucifer before looking over at Lysander and Syn. "Who do you think named all the animals and plants that you see on Earth?"

"I have not been to Earth. Until yesterday, I was not allowed to leave the house. The outside is off limits."

"My dad took me to Earth like... twice?" Lysander had to think about it. If Lysander had access to Earth, his father had to be incredibly high up. Damned if Lucifer couldn't remember exactly who it was. Maybe he should pull up a list of all the highest ranking Hellborns and just try to see which one looked like Lysander. "Not sure if I saw any animals."

"Yeah, I forgot that Fuck-Face keeps Syn locked up like a prisoner in her own home, and that you Hellborns are trapped down here for all eternity without the ability to see my beautiful creations on Earth."

"You didn't make shit, Adam. You just named everything. And I don't think you were taking it seriously at all." Lucifer and his fellow angels had done a lot of the groundwork for the plants and animals, with guidance of course. But Adam had done fuck-all in the creation department... outside of Cain, Abel, and Seth... but Lucifer wasn't about to give him a win. "Blue footed booby, Tit, nipplewort, corn cockle? And let's not forget the sausage tree and Shagbark. Or the utter mockery that is Stiffcock." Adam snickered.

"Stiffcock."

"You see my point?" He looked at Lysander and Syn who had both become unwitting participants in an argument between two ancient men that had started right before Lucifer's Fall from grace.

"Actually," Adam stopped his immature giggling long enough to try and counter Lucifer's point. "Those are modern translations to the original names I chose. Don't let this asshole fool you, I spoke an entirely different language back then and had no knowledge of the colloquial slang of the future. I'm amazing, yes, but not psychic. Language evolves, and the fact that some of my wonderful names became hilarious is more the fault of modern humans than me. And don't get me started on scientists. Those fuckers need to get laid. I mean, phallus impudicus? Colon asperatum? Clitoria ternatae? They were so desperate to find the clitoris they had to put it in the wild where it could be accidentally stumbled upon."

"Adam!" Lucifer put his hand to his face, his cheeks flushed with gold. "Do not bring that kinda shit up in front of Syn! She's too young!" He was almost impressed Adam knew so much about scientific nomenclature as well as linguistic evolution. However, when it was dealing with the vulgar, maybe he shouldn't be shocked. Adam looked over at Syn, still sitting on her muffin and shrugged.

"Don't repeat anything I have said, Syn."

"Many of the words you used are necessary for day-to-day communication. Such as: those, need, and I."

"Then suffer." Adam grinned toothily. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"Just don't repeat any of the bad words. And also, ignore Adam because he is dumb as shit."

"Yes master!"

"Don't ignore me Syn, I'm delightful."

"Apologies, Adam, but commands are commands."

"Syn! How could you!" Adam didn't sound all that distraught, more amused. But he must have known he was fighting a losing battle. Syn adored Lucifer. And why wouldn't she? He was the single greatest, most amazing being in Heaven or Hell. Also, Syn hadn't really met a whole lot of people.

"Get fucked." Lucifer finished his bagel with a smug, self-satisfied smirk on his face. "Thank you for the food, Lysander. It was an unexpected delight. I appreciate that some of my staff can be respectful."

"I, honestly, didn't know if I would even see you today. But I got something just in case. Cause after Adam's arrival, you kinda started interacting with us more. It's the most I have talked to you in... pretty much since I was hired. Now that I think about it." Lysander finished his own food. "You're kind of a cool guy."

"He's really not." Adam butted in. "He took you to a theme park. So of course he seems fun. It's hard to be un-fun at a theme park. Even a pathetic moron like Lose-cifer looks like the fucking life of the party when he's surrounded by bright lights, rides, games, and food. He can't suck the fun out of everything. He has some limitations." Lucifer could have argued, but it wasn't worth the effort when it came to Adam. You couldn't win a fight against unintelligent life.

"I'm actually great fun. I'm also just a busy guy. But my bagel was delicious- in spite of Adam's best efforts."

"Haha hey fuck you." Adam glared at him.

"Damn, I knew I shoulda gone with my original idea. I just thought since Adam knew you a lot longer that he might have a better suggestion." Lysander shot Adam a look and to Lucifer's surprise Adam looked briefly... flustered? Maybe he was just caught off guard by having Lysander call him out. That could be it. Though, as far as 'trying to fuck over Lucifer' went, a sweet plain bagel wasn't the worst that Adam could have done.

"Yeah well," Adam shrugged, "get wrecked."

"Out of curiosity, what was the original pick?" Lucifer had to admit, he was curious. Adam's reaction caught his attention.

"It doesn't fucking matter, does it? He listened to me." Adam laid out over the chair, legs over one arm, back over the other. He was dropping his little round, fried potatoes into his mouth.

"I'm curious." Lucifer gave a shrug.

"Don't you have some important moping to be doing?" Adam gave Lucifer an annoyed look.

"It is called: self-care."

"Syn gets it." Lucifer gave Adam a smirk. "So, Lysander, humor me. What was it?"

"Don't tell him, Lysander. Mansion staff solidarity." Adam turned his gaze to Lysander in an instant.

"Dude, he's my boss. Your boss too. Staff solidarity has its limits." Lysander was cleaning up the few crumbs he had dropped. Funny how security was doing more cleaning than Lucifer's maid. (Clearly last night had been some sort of fluke). "It was the sausage supreme." Lucifer immediately looked over at Adam and the black and gold eye refused to look back at him.

"Yes, well..." Lucifer cleared his throat. "What you got was preferred. Sausage first thing in the morning is a bit too savory for my palate." In all reality: Lucifer was a vegetarian, as were most angels. He could eat meat. But despite his best efforts, he always had a strong aversion to the taste and texture. But this was knowledge only shared with his family. Not that Lucifer was ashamed, but he despised having his personal tastes broadcast to Hell. The fact that Adam had even remembered was a fucking shock, nevertheless, kept his tastes to himself and offer a better suggestion.

"Fucking told you." Adam was staring at the almost empty packet of potatoes at this point, Lucifer could barely hear him grumbling.

"That was oddly nice of you Adam, thank you." Lucifer was genuinely thrown off.

"I'm kinda shocked too. I figured he was just bullshitting me since he threw up after he said it and I thought that might be the world's worst nervous tick. But damn if he wasn't persistent." Lysander finished tidying up after himself.

"I tried to fuck with you, and it failed." Adam still wouldn't make eye contact.

"Wait... you threw up?" Lucifer had seen the large spot on the floor this morning. "You said you threw up twice... When was the second time?"

"Don't remember." Adam shoved the rest of the food in his mouth.

"Come on, this is important." Lucifer was getting a little annoyed with Adam's attitude. Not that Adam didn't always have an attitude, but this was starting to actively inhibit Lucifer's investigation. And it wasn't just Adam's stupid ass at risk. Technically he was putting all of Hell in danger by keeping Adam alive. (Though depending on how deep that Corruption ran, not even an angelic weapon could kill him.) "You know that. You need to tell me shit because if you don't, who knows what could happen? You might go feral and attack Cain again." He knew Cain was Adam's weak point, it was a low blow, but cooperation was nonnegotiable at this point. Adam threw the bag onto the ground and slowly got to his feet. He finally looked up; his face was contorted with rage the likes of which Lucifer had not seen in his eyes outside of the battlefield.

"Don't you EVER talk about my son! EVER! You're the WHOLE FUCKING REASON he's down here! YOU brought that shit into the world. Not me!"

"Me!?" Where was this coming from? Lucifer wasn't about to take Adam's shit in his own god damn house. "Oh ho ho, I don't fucking think so." Lucifer straightened his stance. "I didn't put that boulder in Cain's hand, I didn't drag him out to that pasture, Adam. Cain made a choice. That's the ONLY thing I did. I gave humans the ability to choose and your son chose to damn himself! That had nothing to do with me!" He had even had this conversation with Cain before, long ago when he had first arrived.

"YOU RUINED EVERYTHING!" Adam had gone from zero to a hundred so fast Lucifer's head was still spinning. "And I'm STUCK here because of YOU! I can't go HOME! I ALREADY couldn't talk to Eve and now Abel!? Seth!? I can't even say goodbye! And then I FINALLY see Cain again only to find out YOU turned him against me."

"I didn't turn Cain against you!" Lucifer was so mad he laughed. "You did that all by yourself, fucker!"

"I LOVED my son! Even after what he did, I was still his FATHER!"

"You literally came down once a year with an army to slaughter everyone he knows." Lucifer lowered his voice, narrowing his eyes. Adam's eyes looked wild. He was still talking and not growling, but the Devil still needed to be on his guard. "You don't see how that might upset your son?"

"Everything I did was to SAVE him." There was a strange vigor in Adam's words. "I had no choice! HE WAS GOING TO BE SAFE! You are the WHOLE REASON this even had to happen!"

"What I did was for humankind to have a choice."

"You fucked my wife so humans could have a choice?"

"Oooooookay," Lysander was suddenly between the two of them. Lucifer didn't realize how close together they had gotten, every exchange accompanied by a small step forward as the Devil tried to square up against the First Man. "Why don't we all just calm down for a second? I think everyone's just a bit shaken up after all of yesterday's adrenaline. But you're starting to scare Syn." He gestured to Syn who was hiding behind her muffin.

"I do not like yelling."

"Fuck this." For a moment, Adam seemed as if he might push the issue. Lucifer was ready to pounce the moment he made a move toward Lysander- no way he was letting the son of some important dignitary become Corrupted on his watch. But Adam simply turned and stormed off, up the stairs and back toward his room. Fine. He could pout if he wanted. Lucifer's day would have been infinitely better without Adam to insult him and bring him down.

"Sorry about that." Lucifer took a deep breath, calming himself. Adam really went off the handle. And in front of his staff too. Syn definitely didn't appreciate all the loud, sudden noises. (She did live in Hell, eventually she would have to be accustomed to chaos- perhaps Lucifer had sheltered her too much. It was complicated with Syn; she was a faceless machine- and at times he remembered that. However, there were other times, like this very moment, when Syn was hiding behind a muffin, that Lucifer became reminded of Charlie as a child. She never did like when he and Lillith would argue- the rare times they did so in front of her. So perhaps that was why Lucifer instantly relaxed, the moment that Adam's door to his room slammed shut.) "You doing okay, Syn?"

"The maid was very angry at you Master."

"Indeed, he's not a very good maid, is he?" Lucifer couldn't exactly fire Adam, given the situation, but he could still critique. He was in his own, unique, Hell wherein he had to put up with Adam and his awful personality or risk his Kingdom being devoured by another...

Ugh.

He did not want to think about that this early in the morning.

"But he was nice to me this morning. He asked me if I wanted anything when Lysander was ordering."

"I think he was being sarcastic, Syn." Poor thing, Lucifer really needed to teach her how to read people's intentions or Hell was going to swindle her out of everything she owned. Which was mostly crayons. How the Hell was the Metatron so put together? Lucifer's attempt to copy her seemed far more... childlike than he intended.

"I mean, it's been hard to tell with Adam, I won't lie." Lysander had his arms crossed, he was looking up the stairs after Adam, his ears were tilted back, his tail swished. "His sarcastic voice and his real voice all kinda sound the same to me. Maybe he was just fucking with us."

"And then he threw up."

"Yeah. That is like the weirdest thing. I guess that food yesterday didn't agree with him at all. I didn't even know popcorn could fuck you up like that. How the fuck is he gonna eat actual food? That breakfast I got him might have torn him a new asshole." Lysander glanced back at Syn. "Maybe that's why he was so grumpy."

"Because the food made him sick?"

"Huh." Was all Lucifer could say. He looked up the stairs again. Adam had really bolted. Was the food actually making him sick...? No... that stain this morning... the vomiting last night... it was very clearly that black, viscous sludge. Lucifer remembered the way it had stained his own coat and glove, how it was more akin to burning than to just a stain. Maybe Adam was just so forgone that he was already hollowed out- a shell of his former self- an abomination walking around in Adam's skin until eventually the fleshy exterior broke down to reveal what Adam had become.

"Master? Are you alright?"

"You have been kinda just spacing out, boss-dude." Lysander and Syn were both staring at him. Perhaps Lucifer had let his mind get away from him for a moment.

"Oh, yes. I am fine. Just thinking." He laughed, proving that he was unfazed by Adam's little tantrum. (He just HAD to have brought Lillith up. That was Lucifer's trigger as much as Cain was to Adam.) "You both said Adam threw up twice this morning?"

"Affirmative. He did not clean it very well either. I am beginning to doubt his maid qualifications."

"Not sure how hard he tried," Lysander shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, he started with the first one then it happened again and he just kinda gave up. Don't blame him. I was like that after my last frat party before graduation. I puked right on the stage. Got a standing ovation. It was fucking hell on my hangover, but I like to think I left a legend." Hellborns had their own schooling, but it was still a bit odd for Lucifer to think of a graduation of any kind in Hell that wouldn't result in the school being burned to the ground.

"What a lovely story, Lysander, so glad I could hear it." Lucifer was still deep in thought. "Can you both walk me through exactly what happened this morning?" Were Lysander and Syn the most reliable sources? It was hard to tell. Syn did record everything... at least everything Lucifer said. It was hard to tell if she would think of recording Adam. And Lysander was a fine security intern... maybe he had observation skills that surpassed Lucifer's expectations. Though Lucifer had watched Lysander fall off the balcony while trying to catch a potato chip in his mouth, so maybe Lucifer was having too much faith in them.

"Let's see... I woke up, went on my phone for a while. I got this really fucking funny meme from my cousin-"

"I should have been more specific." Lucifer cut Lysander off before he had to listen to any more of his mundane start to the day. "Stuff that relates to Adam." Lysander was quiet for a split second. He raised an eyebrow at Lucifer, giving him an unreadable expression.

"Yeah okay, um," Lysander looked up at the ceiling, trying to recall how things had started. "So, I woke up early and I was gonna go work out, but then I was like... super fucking hungry. Probably from everything we did yesterday." Lucifer's face fell, he was still getting completely useless details. Maybe he should just have asked Syn. (Though it was good that his security was making an attempt to stay in shape. Lucifer didn't really have a place for fitness in his mansion, maybe he should invest in one for Lysander at some point. Lucifer didn't really need to use it since he was magic, Syn was just a machine, and he didn't want to risk Quackers taking up fitness and becoming too powerful- but maybe he could empty out one of the unused rooms at some point.)

"Yes, and?" Lucifer was still waiting for anything that had to do with Adam.

"I went to see if Adam was up, I heard him kinda... I dunno, shouting? It was only when I got close to the door. I think he like, tripped over one of the ducks or something. So, I knocked to make sure he didn't die, and he opened the door and was all like: 'Yo hey Lysander, what up?' and then I was like: 'Adam! Sup? I'm like super fucking hungry'." Awesome, Lucifer was getting an entire play by play with the most unconvincing dialog he had ever heard. "So, like, I went to let Syn out of the room because I could hear her tapping."

"This is where I come in."

"Uh huh." Lucifer nodded his head. Perfect. Syn was starting to look like the more reliable narrator. Plus, it was a bit difficult to understand everything between Lysander's slang and his accent.

"So yeah, then Syn came out, and she was all: 'Hey guys, what's up?' And then I was like: 'Syn! Hey! I am actually starving. I think I am gonna order some brekkie!' You know cause the kitchen is completely and utterly inaccessible." Lysander looked at Lucifer who nodded.

"Right. Quackers. Continue." It would be a cold day in Hell before Lucifer believed that Syn had used the phrase: what's up, but at least Lysander was getting to some kind of relevant point.

"So, I was like: 'Adam, you hungry, mate?' And then he was all: 'Yeah I could eat.' So, I get out my phone to order some food and I show Adam the menu, he picks his thing, and then I realize: 'I should get something for the boss cause he took us to that theme park yesterday. I bet he would like this sausage supreme!' And Adam is all: 'I am gonna be passive aggressive about having a nice time because admitting joy is a sign of weakness, but also you should get him that plain bagel with honey cause he'll like that more.' And of course, at this point I'm kinda like... eh because Adam hasn't really shown much of your best interests since he got here, boss-man."

Lucifer had to snort at Lysander's description. "Fair point."

"So, of course I don't really trust him but he's like: 'I've known the boss-man forever, so I know what food he likes.' And I mean, he had a point."

Lucifer highly doubted that Adam had ever referred to him as Boss-Man, but that was neither here nor there.

"They tried to ask me, but I do not know what food you like to eat because you do not eat consistently."

"I don't have to." Lucifer shrugged. He was an angel, Fallen or not he didn't have the same biology as the others in Hell. "Syn, why don't you take it from here?" Lucifer expected a recording.

"Hurray! Yes! I was watching them debate about food. And Lysander did not trust Adam's opinion: 'Adam, I do not trust your opinion. I believe that your dislike of the Master would make you pick something he would quite dislike! Syn, what do you think?' of course, I was just excited to be included."

Awesome. Syn was just doing what Lysander did and was just paraphrasing the whole fucking conversation. Amazing.

"I responded: 'I do not see Master eat very often and he has logged no personal favorites into my database in regard to food. But the Master does enjoy wine when he partakes in the process known as Self-Care. ' The maid replied: 'That is quite all right. Believing my analysis is not required. Please continue as you were. Though I am insisting that The Master would very much appreciate my choice over yours.' However, we were all intrigued by his suggestion. Lysander gave him a thorough interrogation! 'Are you certain of this?' To which Just Adam gave a nod and said: 'He will prefer the plain bagel.' While suspicious, Lysander addressed Adam The Maid with a simple: `Affirmative. We will honor your suggestion.' And then Adam Just Adam suffered from emesis all over the floor as soon as Lysander finished speaking."

Well, it had taken two years off of Lucifer's life span, but they had finally reached the first incident with the vomiting. "Then what happened?"

"The maid began to swear about the recent cleanliness of the floor and Lysander ordered the bagel for you. Then Lysander addressed all of us: 'Is that everything desired or required from our wonderful staff?' To which the response from our maid was simply: 'You did not ask Syn what she wanted. And she is such a hard worker and a very good voice of her Master who did such a good job at the theme park yesterday.' Which was very nice of him to notice."

"Right." Lucifer knew for a fact Adam didn't say any of those nice things about Syn. Lysander's amused expression was evidence enough, but working compliments to herself into her own retelling was actually something Lucifer would do. He had to respect the hustle.

"Lysander did astutely point out: 'Syn does not eat' to which the counter argument was: 'Affirmative fellow member of the mansion staff, however she is still intelligent and may wish to be included in our activities even if she is a being of technological origin and therefore cannot ingest or digest sustenance.' And then he proceeded to suffer from another brief episode of emesis on our floor."

And there was time number two. "Thank you both for those... truly riveting retellings." Lucifer needed to install cameras or something- though too much technology left him open to Vox. "But a recording would have sufficed, Syn."

"I do not record when you are not talking as that information is not important."

"Flattering, but you should record if it's about me too."

"Affirmative Master! I will do so in future interactions!"

"Right, well, you both have work to do, I assume." He had no idea. "So, you best do that, I need to do some research."

"My job is to follow you!"

"Not this time Syn, I need quiet." Lucifer would need to return to those scrolls, as much as he hated the idea of seeing that fucking name again. He could hide that list- it wasn't relevant to the material. And he wasn't about to let that asshole up in Heaven get to him. "You are both dismissed." He walked past them toward the stairs. He swore he heard Lysander mutter something to Syn that sounded weirdly like: wanna go bowling? but since he knew neither of them left the house, he could only assume he had misheard.

Lucifer walked back up to his office, seeing the scrolls still tossed aside where he had left them. He shoved the offending paper aside and went back to the scrolls. This was mostly from Raphael and Uriel, careful and thorough notes from the last time the angels had faced off with those that lie Dead and Dreaming. The Corruption Adam was experiencing was milder than cases Lucifer had seen before, at least... if not mild it was slower moving. Lucifer had to assume he didn't touch any of those Old Ones directly- if he had then Adam wouldn't be able to form coherent sentences. The First Man was still just a man deep down. (And also, there was no way in Heaven or Hell Adam would have had the opportunity to have contact with one of them directly.

No. More likely than not, whatever Corrupted Adam was an object or some low-ranking monster. Something he must have come across in Purgatory. It was unsurprising that Adam would go off the beaten path and get himself fucked over by something he didn't understand.

There were lots of notes about how the Corruption presented, but not in humans... not after prolonged, untreated exposure.

Damn it.

There were probably more scrolls, more recent ones, up in Heaven. There was no way he would be granted access to that shit. Not without an Archangel's permission. And Lucifer wasn't at the point where he would throw himself under their judgmental, mocking gazes and beg for help.

He sighed; this was really getting him nowhere. The scrolls had been a nice refresher for what to expect, but there wasn't anything new. For most of them, he had actually still been up in Heaven when they were written.

He got up, walking back out of his study. He had a theory but there still wasn't enough evidence to prove that he was correct. Adam's outburst, if anything, seemed to be proof to the contrary. Adam was getting worse.

"Hey Cain... it's dad again."

Lucifer stopped walking. He could hear Adam's voice from inside the room he had picked. The door had actually been broken- must have happened when Adam slammed it shut. The locking mechanism was completely askew, and Lucifer could see the door was cracked open.

Hesitantly, Lucifer nudged it a little more with his hand. He could see Adam sitting on the bed, phone against his ear. (How in the fresh Hell had Adam found Cain's phone number? His personal phone was unlisted because it was something Lucifer had made for him since Cain didn't trust Vox- and with good reason. For all his bullshit, Cain was sly. He played dumb to his competitors so they wouldn't work hard to hide their hands. He was a remarkably savvy Sinner when push came to shove.)

"I know things are kind of strained right now, and I get that. But you have to understand- what I did, I did to protect you. You and your brothers... you're my Eden." Adam stood and Lucifer ducked further behind the door. "I know what happened between you and Abel was horrible... but I never stopped loving you..." he could see Adam pacing the room, phone still in his hand.

Lucifer bit his lower lip, his heart sank.

"Please... talk to me..." Adam sounded so uncharacteristically desperate. "I love you, call me back."

Lucifer heard the click of the phone hanging back up on the receiver. Landlines were a little outdated, sure, but Lucifer and some of the other Overlords could be old fashioned. (Plus, with everything with Lillith, Lucifer hadn't had a huge opportunity to do a lot of mansion upgrades.) He took a deep breath, balling his hand into a fist and rapping softly on the door.

"Adam?" He pushed the door gently open the rest of the way.

"What?" The reply was harsh, bitter. Adam flopped back into a sitting position on the bed.

"Hey... um... you talked to Cain?"

"Just his voicemail."

"Right..." Lucifer frowned. His eyes traveled along the phone that was sitting on the bed beside Adam, to the frayed cord that had been pulled out of the wall. There was no way the phone was working in that condition. He looked back at Adam who was staring at the phone as well. Lucifer could see the glaze over his white eye, that almost otherworldly sheen. The golden glowing orb that made up the pupil of Adam's black eye had become dull. Lucifer's hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He had seen this before, and it usually acted as a warning sign for Adam to become feral. Lucifer really didn't want to get bitten. (Even if he was probably immune, there was no reason to test the theory). "I am sure he's just busy. He'll call you later. He works a lot." Lucifer wanted to do his best to keep Adam relaxed. There was no telling how much magic it would take to pull Adam back out of that Corrupted state again.

"You don't have to fucking lie to me. I know he's pissed."

"He's just moody. He'll calm down on his own time." Again, Lucifer's eyes looked at the frayed wires coming out of his wall.

"Why the fuck are you here?" The fact that Adam was talking was a good thing. It meant he was still Adam. (And while Adam could be intolerable- the monster that the Corruption brought forth was far worse.)

"I... um..." Lucifer sighed. He had pushed Adam too far earlier. "I'm sorry about this morning." Lucifer had seen Corruption eat away at other angels. It was like a force that fed on every single negative thought you had, that rewarded giving in to your worst vices. Adam's overreaction was probably less a reflection of his innate hatred of Lucifer, and more the result of all those dark, toxic emotions boiling up inside him. Adam simply broke under the internal pressure. It wasn't surprising, he was only human, after all. (Though depending on how long this Corruption had been eating away at him... it was a wonder Adam had any humanity left at all.)

"Huh?" Adam still looked and sounded unfocused.

"I'm..." Damn it. Lucifer was really going to have to say it again? It sucked doing it the one time. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry...?" Adam finally turned his head to look at Lucifer.

"Yeah, I mean, I never should have brought up Cain. I know things are kinda tense with you two right now and I shoulda just kept my mouth shut. I'm sorry."

"..." Adam blinked at him. Lucifer could see the fog clearing, the orb-like pupil brightened as Adam seemed to become more aware of his surroundings. "Yeah, well you should be fucking sorry."

"You're right. I should be, and I am." Lucifer's acceptance seemed to throw Adam off. He saw him visibly falter.

"Y... yeah. Well... good. Be fucking sorry, cause you're a sorry piece of shit. And you're... short too."

"Oh come on, I'm apologizing." Lucifer's eyes narrowed for a moment before he caught himself. No. He couldn't let his emotions get the better of him. He was the Devil God damn it and no Corruption was going to get the better of Hell's King. "I'm sorry about what I said to you." He watched Adam's expression rather intently.

"Y... you..." Adam seemed to be struggling. It was unusual, the way his face contorted almost looked more akin to pain than simple irritation. "You fuck...ing..." Adam's breathing picked up; Lucifer watched that shine start to creep over his blind eye once again.

"I'm sorry for what I said." Lucifer's claws bit into the comforter on Adam's bed, his whole body tensed in preparation for Adam to attack again.

"Fuck it." Adam's body finally relaxed. "It's fine. Whatever. Let's just forget it happened." He waved Lucifer away. The shine vanished from his eye, but the pained expression didn't seem to go away.

Lucifer was... shocked. He had expected Adam to lord this sort of apology over his head. It seemed like the kind of thing he could exploit to earn favors from Lucifer. Maybe Adam just wasn't accustomed to the way things worked in Hell but... "Did you just accept my apology?"

"Look I just want to forget this whole thing." That wasn't exactly a yes but it was far from a no. "I'm already in Hell, and I guess I just kinda got fed up with how fucking terrible everything is here- especially you." Now that sounded more like the modern-day Adam. "And I guess maybe I said some shit too that wasn't like... relevant to the argument or whatever."

"Wait..." Lucifer blinked.

"Don't get me wrong, you need to fucking apologize for a lot more than just being a bitch at breakfast. But like, you're the Devil. Maybe I shouldn't have let you get under my skin so easily with your weaselly little voice and incredibly punchable face. I mean, I am a divine man, after all. I should have turned the other cheek. Your cheek. With my hand. When I slapped it. But like, I should have expected you to be the fucking worst and so the fact that I shouted all those very true things in front of your staff who seem to all be brainwashed, was probably not the time or place for such an argument."

"..." Lucifer was taken aback, watching as Adam looked rather conflicted. There was more going on inside of him that Lucifer couldn't really see, but his face was a mix of smug and queasy. Wordlessly, Lucifer materialized a small trash bag and handed it to Adam. If he was going to test his theory, this would be a good time.

"I don't want your shitty fucking trash-" Adam didn't get a chance to finish as he held the bag to his mouth and black sludge fell from his lips. "Are you fucking kidding me!? I NEVER puke up a steak sandwich! Fucking breakfast of champions! Mandatory on Extermination Day!"

"You didn't." Lucifer's eyes widened.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Adam still had a bit of the black sludge dripping from his lip. "Stop."

"You apologized."

"Oh no the fuck I didn't."

"You did. You apologized. You remembered I was a vegetarian and corrected Lysander. You thought about Syn's feelings. You cleaned the hall- it's acts of kindness. That's what makes you throw up."

"Well then I should be throwing up all the time because I'm a fucking Saint."

"You were never canonized."

"But I should have been."

"Adam." Lucifer plucked the bag out of his hands, burning it. "You are fighting the Corruption by being a good man. Which I know is a struggle for you, but I also know you gotta be capable of at least a little fucking decency because your ass somehow got into Heaven despite... everything." The old Adam, the one Lucifer had known in Eden was a far cry from the pathetic being before him now. Though Lucifer did know stories from Lillith that did not paint the man favorably, even then.

"Wow. Fuck off." Adam glared at him.

"No, you're missing the point, asshole." Lucifer took a handkerchief out of his pocket and offered it to Adam. "You still have Corruption on you. But Adam, you're getting better. I was right last night when I suspected as much. But you can't just prove a theory on one isolated instance. But this is multiple incidents."

"So... I'm not gonna die?" Adam wiped his mouth with the handkerchief and threw it back to Lucifer who burned it.

"Again, dying is the least of your problems when you discuss Corruption. But you are fighting it."

"So, I'll get better, and Sera will let me into Heaven?"

"There's always a chance." There was not a snowball's chance in Hell. (And Lucifer was well aware of the chances a snowball had in his domain.)

"Well fuck yeah! Let's do this shit! I can be nice. I'm nice as fuck! Nice looking, nicely built, with a nice ass-"

"Personality, Adam. You need to do nice things."

"So, I need to fuck more nice people?"

"Do you listen when I talk? Or do you just start watching a movie in your head?"

"Movie."

"I fucking knew it." Lucifer let out a sigh. He wanted to fully blame Adam, but he couldn't. The fact of the matter was, that nice deeds purged the Corruption- but they left Adam feeling terrible. Every cell in his body was fighting for him to pick all the worst options. The nausea, the vomiting, that was just the beginning. Statistically speaking, the more they succeeded, the worse it would get for Adam. (No wonder he had snapped at breakfast. Three nice deeds? He was probably feeling like utter shit- and behaving like an absolute monster was the only way to alleviate those symptoms. Lucifer had joked about it yesterday, but as it turns out, it might actually kill Adam to pay Lucifer a compliment. Funny how that worked). "Adam, you need to work on being a decent human being, which I know will be very difficult for you."

"What would you know about being decent? Or about being a human, now that I think about it."

"Nothing." Lucifer smiled. Adam was trying to get under his skin, and he knew it. The only thing he didn't know was how much of that push was really coming from Adam, and how much was from that Corruption inside him. "You've got me there."

"I'll be honest, I expected more of a comeback on that one."

"Look, Adam, I don't like you. You don't like me. We have that in common. And also, I'm literally the Devil. So, if I want you to do acts of kindness, it kinda goes against my whole schtick." He smirked. "Luckily for you, I do know an expert in the field and she just happens to be someone I trust completely."

"You don't mean-"

"Shh." Lucifer held a gloved finger to Adam's lips as he pulled out his cellphone using the speed dial. "Char Char! Hey bitch! It's dad! Are you busy right now because I would love to ask a favor."

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 11: Lu Lu World

"Hurray! Lu Lu World!"

"I have no idea what the fuck that is." Adam watched as Syn began doing little flips in the air. She started bumping into his cheeks again and again. He held out his hand to stop her.

"I do not know either! But Master said it very enthusiastically!"

"Yeah," Lucifer raised an eyebrow at his own (admittedly confusing) creation. Once Adam got back into Heaven, Syn would be such a chore to explain. "I was confused why you were so excited."

"Because you were excited!"

"Oh shit, for real for real?" Lysander spoke up, sounding happy. Damn, just when Adam was starting to like him, he had to go play along with Lucifer's attempt at showmanship. "Lu Lu World fucking kicks ass! My dads used to take me all the time when I was a kid. I used to work there in college. Not that I needed the money, cause, ya know, my dad's rich and all that. But I did the face painting."

"That just means you had a good dad- or rather good dads-" Lucifer quickly corrected himself. Adam was starting to think Lucifer didn't really know who Lysander's family was. "Who loved you and wanted you to experience the finer things in life. And your employment taught you great customer service skills. And seeing it on your resume landed you with the only job more coveted than Lu Lu World: working for me directly."

"I thought you gave me this job because my dad talked you into it." Lysander didn't sound all that convinced.

"Even your dad who I know quite personally, could not have convinced me without work experience at Lu Lu World." This was clearly a point of pride for Lucifer- but given that he was the Sin of Pride, what wasn't? Still, it didn't really give Adam any additional information as to what the fuck a Lu Lu World was, or what it entailed. (And he remained unconvinced that Lucifer was really all that close to, or could even name, Lysander's dad. Any of them since apparently, he had more than one.)

"Yeah, none of this clarifies anything." Adam looked between the Devil, the Hellborn, and the sentient exhaust pipe- then back to the Devil and Hellborn because he was quickly learning Syn knew shit-all when it came to Hell, or really just life in general.

"Lu Lu World is my magnum opus, my little bit of paradise here in Hell- for those who can afford it- it is a wonderful place full of joy and fun- or else. And most importantly it is a testament to me!" A bunch of tiny, Muppet versions of Lucifer appeared behind him, unfurling a brightly colored banner with a castle silhouetted in the back and rainbow letters spelling out the name of this supposedly 'great' Park. That sort of overdramatic bullshit was par for the course when it came to Lucifer.

"Sounds kinda desperate, not gonna lie." Adam examined his nails on his silhouetted hand, frowning for a moment. The fact that his nails looked a little different unsettled him. Welp, that was something to obsess over at a later date. Right now, he had a Devil to take down a peg. (Plus, he could blame the elongated nails on the alleged infection. No way he was actually Fallen from grace this was all some kind of misunderstanding. At least, that's what Adam would continue to tell himself until the Metatron herself came from on high and delivered the message that this was truly his fate. And Adam happened to know that She wasn't available at the moment to be delivering sentences of permanent damnation to anyone. Once she was back and this was all explained, he could finally return where he belonged.)

"It's not desperate. It's awesome." Lucifer scoffed. "That's why Heaven tried to rip it off when they made Promise Land. Yeah, mine came first." Lucifer smugly gestured to the banner still behind him and the Muppets shook the banner until rainbow sparkles fell out of it, onto Adam's head.

"Don't diss it until you've been, dude." Adam really had been starting to rethink his stance on Hellborns with Lysander's- admittedly funny- sneaking prank. But he couldn't accept a coworker who would blindly simp for Lucifer.

"I am just excited to be able to leave the house."

"Wait." Adam had to pause his inner monologue on the vast disappointment Lysander had caused him for just a moment because Syn's little comment was enough to cause Adam to slowly turn and face Lucifer. "You don't let her leave!? What? Is she like a hostage in her own home!? All that hard work she does for you, and you just keep her locked up!? No wonder she compares herself to Cinderella!" In all fairness, Adam didn't really know how much work Syn did or how good she was at it. But the point remained that she should still be allowed to leave if she wanted.

"I'll be honest," Lucifer turned to look at Syn who was doing little flips in the air, "I'm a little surprised that she knows who Cinderella is given that she's never once expressed any interest in fairytales."

"I like stories about helping people. That is what I do! I help make the Master's life much easier."

"Gonna be honest with you Syn," Lysander patted the top of her cylinder, "not sure you understood the point of that story."

"So, you read it to her?" Lucifer tilted his head slightly. "I didn't realize you two hung out. Or really interacted at all."

"Nah, she must have picked that one up on her own. I'm not super into human books. I find their portrayal of conflict to often lack an edge. If I read something there had better be an accurate beheading. Or there has to at least be cute animal companion, but if anything happens to the cute companion, I will fucking find the author on Earth or in Hell and kill them myself. And you know they'll be in Hell because that's what fucking happens to people who kill the adorable animal sidekick." Lucifer, Adam, and Syn were all quietly staring at Lysander as he finished. Lucifer cleared his throat.

"Right... you are... weirdly passionate about that. Anyway," he turned to face Adam, "the reason that Syn hasn't been outside is that she is still new and learning. The Sinners would rip her to shreds, if not physically, then emotionally. Look at her man, she's sensitive. But at Lu Lu World I can let her out in a controlled environment. It might even be good for her to have some diverse interactions." Adam did hate to admit Lucifer was right about literally anything, but Syn did seem a little optimistic and naïve for Hell. His Exorcists would destroy her. (Maybe, once he was back, he could reason with the girls since Syn wasn't technically a Sinner or even a Hellborn and what was the purpose of killing a flying calculator? Clearly, he would be back in Heaven by the time the next Extermination took place. He... kinda had to be.) Adam shook himself as he started to feel cold.

"Outside! I get to go outside!"

"You sure do, and you can have front row seats to Adam taking a bite of hot, fresh humble pie served by yours truly." Lucifer did a little jump and bow and the Muppets pulled out trumpets with the hands that were not holding the banner and blew an over-the-top fanfare for the short sack of shit holding Adam (and apparently Syn) trapped in his comfortable, but still clearly evil mansion. (Sure, Lucifer said Adam was free to leave, and that Cain "was upset" and "didn't want anything to do with Adam", but Adam had an Exorcist back home whose name would say differently.)

"Delightful! I did not know you could cook!"

"It's an expression, Syn." Lucifer's bravado immediately faltered a bit as he was called out by the sentient can of chips.

"You can't cook?" Adam laughed. That was good ammo to have on the supposed most creative and talented of the angels. Apparently, the deceiver could be defeated by a simple recipe. This was important because it was something Adam was actually quite skilled at. Maybe he could challenge Lucifer to a cooking competition, win his soul back (or at least a set of golden pans, that asshole loved betting golden shit on fights he couldn't win.)

"I can cook, thank you very much. But as an angel, I can conjure which is much simpler." Lucifer regained his poise without difficulty. "But if you haven't been to our kitchen, then you wouldn't realize that cooking in my house comes with a unique and nuanced set of difficulties-"

"You mean the monstrosity that paces back and forth and attacks when you make too much noise." Adam cut him off. He had actually been to the kitchen- no thanks to Lucifer. At least Lysander and Syn believed in helping newcomers get acquainted with the mansion.

"Quackers. Yes." Lucifer gave a nod.

"I have a lot of questions about Quackers, not gonna lie." Adam figured he might as well attempt to ask. Sure, he might get ignored, but they were on the topic. "So... The biggest one is why? I mean I get that you're a master of evil bullshit and all that... but like... your own fucking house? And why the kitchen?"

"If you really must know," Lucifer looked away from Adam to polish the apple on his cane, "he was a home security system, originally. One of many, all of which do an amazing job." He hesitated for a moment. "... except him. Not really sure what went wrong there. He just got really hyper focused on the kitchen. Stays in there almost all the time. And it's not like I can't go in there, because I am all powerful and he is no match for me- but like he seems really settled in there. Just seems rude is all." Adam crossed his arms over his chest, raising a skeptical eyebrow at Lucifer's explanation. (He made sure to raise the eyebrow on the white side of his face as it was much easier to see than the one on the silhouetted side. He wanted Lucifer to be able to clearly read his disbelieving expression, after all.)

"He attacks you too, huh?"

"I never said that." Lucifer's head instantly snapped to look at him.

"You didn't really have to." Adam gave a little shrug. "I feel like it was implied."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you, Adam you dense-ass motherfucker. If you are taking implications from sentences where they definitely do not exist- that just sounds like a personal problem." Lucifer's tone was so as-a-matter-of-fact thatAdam felt like he was being challenged.

"Then why can't we take him with us to the theme park?"

"Do you want to go ask him?" Lucifer gestured toward the hallway that would eventually lead Adam into the kitchen. "Be my guest. I mean he wouldn't fit on the rides anyway, but I suppose if you want to stay home with him out of solidarity, I can lock you in the kitchen with him. Not sure how much he would like that, but you've got that Heaven sense of justice, and far be it for me to interfere."

"Does this mean we do not get to go to Lu Lu World?"

"I can't disappoint Syn. Not fair to her." Adam was relieved to have a way out of admitting he had no desire to face off with Quackers again. Once had been more than enough for a lifetime- or an afterlife-lifetime.

"No no, I can still take Syn and Lysander. It wouldn't be fair to them. You are absolutely right. But it also wouldn't be fair to you to deny you the opportunity to spend the time you clearly crave with Quackers." Lucifer wasn't going to let up. Fucking bastard. "Unless you don't want to ask him, of course." Lucifer locked eyes with Adam who shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. Fucking called out.

"Yeah... no... it's fine." Adam struggled to find the proper words to dig himself out of this hole he now found himself in. "I mean, if you think he isn't ready for the outside, you are the one who made him." Fuck, even just that small concession felt like it was eating Adam alive to say it. "And you did want to prove to me how amazing this dumb park is supposed to be. How are you going to stroke your own ego if I stay behind?"

"Are you sure Adam?" Lucifer put his cane back on the ground, folding his arms and leaning on top of it. "Far be it for my ego to separate you and Quackers."

"No, I... um... I'm good. Let's just go to the fucking Lucifer Land or whatever." Adam had been called on his bluff and he hated it, but there wasn't much he could do to back pedal at this point. He just had to blindly accept it and hope this wasn't held over his head for the rest of eternity. (Though knowing what a petty bitch Lucifer could be, Adam didn't particularly like his odds.)

"Lu Lu World, you weren't even close. Try to pay attention, Adam. Weren't you a general? You would think with all your Heaven Military training you could remember the name of a Theme Park that has been said multiple times in the last few minutes." Lucifer smirked as he stood back up. "But once it completely blows your mind, I am sure you'll remember it then. Maybe you just hit that head of yours way too many times on the way down." He tapped Adam on the top of his head with the apple shaped cane topper. "I mean you probably have even seen the park on one of your trips down to destroy all my things." Adam didn't actually pay attention to the locations in Hell during Extermination Day, and that was steadily starting to bite him in the ass.

"It's not that I can't remember, it's just that I don't care." Adam tried to explain it in a way Lucifer's feeble and senile mind could understand. "I am perfectly capable, just not willing. Big difference."

"Sounds like an excuse to me, but whatever helps you sleep at night, asshole." Lucifer seemed frustratingly unfazed by Adam's attempts at insults. Theme Park or not, if this is what his day entailed, this really was Hell.

"I can't believe we get to go in without a reservation." Lysander truly seemed excited about whatever awaited them. Adam wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. On the one hand, he was a Hellborn who fed on misery and hatred, and unborn babies- or something like that. (Adam didn't really know anything about the particular type of Hellborn that Lysander was- but those facts seemed accurate.) On the other hand, Lysander had his own gym and seemed to enjoy pranking Lucifer. So, Adam was, logically, torn.

"When you're with me, you don't need a reservation." Lucifer popped his collar and walked toward the door; nose held so high in the air that if it rained, he'd be the first to drown. Or at least- that would be the case if he had a nose. Which he didn't. Nose-less freak.

"Fieldtrip!" Syn fluttered right behind him.

"Do stay close, Syn. Hell is dangerous, and I don't want you getting broken or stolen. You should be fine when you're around me." Lucifer put his hand on the top of her little cylinder body. "But I can't protect you if you fly off."

"I will be good!"

"I know you will," Lucifer opened the mansion door. "Come on, unless you want to stay back with Quackers!" He called with a sing-song voice. Adam rolled his eyes and hurried to catch up with Lysander who was already outside the door. "You sure Adam? This park might be too extreme."

"Shut the fuck up." Adam made sure to flip him off as he exited back out into the putrid heat of Hell. "God it's like Satan's fucking ass-crack out here."

"Don't make me think about that. I actually know that guy, Adam." Lucifer made a face before taking the lead. "But you better get used to the heat, my newly Fallen little bitch~ Because this is mild compared to some of our worse days."

"Ughhh don't say that. I am in long fucking sleeves man!" Adam threw his arms down in frustration.

"I'm in a suit, stop whining." Lucifer reached behind him and poked Adam's cheek with the apple on his cane. Adam swatted it away. Lucifer made a show of leaning over to Syn. He began whispering in the most obvious fake whisper Adam had ever heard. "I don't actually feel hot. It's part of my angelic nature to self-regulate my body temperature. Just another of the many benefits of being me."

"You're not a fucking angel!" Adam snapped. Lucifer's head snapped to look at him, grinning from ear to ear.

"Neither are you!"

"Sonnuvabitch." Adam had walked right into that. He went to shove his hands into his pockets for a proper sulk. He did, thankfully, have pockets on his robes, it wouldn't have been divine if he didn't. Though he recalled wearing his war-gear the last time he was down here, he was now just in his traditional garb. Which was weird. What was even more confusing was the fact that the emblem on his chest had been inverted and his gloves and mask were gone. He begrudgingly removed his mismatched hands from his pockets and looked at them as they walked, squinting at them as if that would, in any way, help him figure out where his gloves had gone. (His nails were also longer, sharper, more claw-like- which was not a fact Adam was loving.) He flexed his fingers only to have a fucking apple cane-topper press into his palms, slowly forcing Adam to lower his hands. He looked up to see Lucifer was staring at him. Adam gave him as nasty a look as he could muster on short notice. "What?"

"Are you...okay?" There was that sympathetic look from the devil once again. Jesus fucking Christ, could Adam not even theorize in peace?

"Where are my gloves?"

"W..." Clearly Lucifer hadn't been expecting that exact question as he looked visibly confused. "What? What gloves? What are you talking about?"

"Gloves." Adam held up his hands. "I wear gloves like... all the time. But ever since I woke up here, I haven't had them. So where are my gloves, Lucifer? What did you do with them? And my mask and helmet?"

"Why do you think I have them!?" Lucifer blinked.

"Well, I always have them, but I haven't since I woke up. And according to you the only places I have been since I got to this literal Hellhole were the hotel and your house so... where'd you put my stuff?"

"Listen fucker, those gloves were probably burned off your hands. The mask and helmet broke when you di-" Lucifer cut himself off very quickly and cleared his throat. "When you arrived..." The way the Devil corrected himself made a chill run over Adam's skin. He shook himself, scoffing at the explanation.

"Well, I have more in Heaven. Have Sera send them down for me. Or better yet, let me go Upstairs and get them myself." Adam thought his demands were fairly simple, but rather than agreement, he was met by Lucifer's laughter.

"I don't know if it's the Corruption, or if you're always this fucking delusional, but that is not gonna happen, man."

"What do you mean delusional!? It's Heaven, Fuckface. They've gotta let me get my things because it's the right thing to do or whatever."

"Like I said: not happening. I mean we can ask if you want but you'll just get laughed off the phone call if they even pick up at all- usually, I just get stuck on that stupid automated options menu for like a half hour." Lucifer patted him on the shoulder. "But please, prove me wrong later."

"Fine. I will." Adam folded his arms over his chest for emphasis.

"Damn, what are you guys fighting about now?" Lysander leaned down so his head was between Adam and Lucifer. (Adam greatly missed being able to change his height as an Angel because having Lysander towering over him wasn't a super great feeling. Not that he couldn't kick Lysander's ass at his current size- as he was just back to his height when he had been alive- but the towering angelic form was great for intimidation.) Adam unfolded his arms, holding his hands out for Lysander to see.

"Lucifer stole my gloves, as well as this very cool helmet and mask I have. And now he won't give them back."

"That's not what happened, dumbass." Lucifer remarked dryly.

"Damn. Sucks." Lysander gave a shrug. "But hey, now that you work at the mansion, you can buy new gloves. And probably a better helmet and mask. I mean I'm not really sure what kind you're looking for, but for enough money, you can pretty much get whatever you want in Hell."

"It is not nice to steal the Dickmaster's things, Master."

Adam and Lucifer both nearly tripped as Syn tried to mediate the little disagreement. Lysander burst into laughter behind them.

"Why is she calling you that!? Did you tell her to call you that!?" Lucifer poked Adam in the chest with his cane. Adam held up both of his hands in a motion of surrender, but it did him little good as Lucifer kept poking him. "Don't teach her that!"

"Fuck no! It's goddamn weird coming from her." Adam slapped the cane away before he could be poked again.

"Just coming from her?"

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"It means the nickname is dumb as shit."

"Dickmaster?"

"Don't call him that." Lucifer quickly turned his attention to Syn.

"I thought that was an his preferred nickname."

"It's really not something you should ever call anyone. Especially him." Lucifer's mouth was drawn into a thin line, and he was glaring daggers at Adam.

"Adam. Just call me Adam." For once in his existence, Adam was in agreement with the Devil.

"Okay!"

"That's settled." Lucifer let out a breath at the exact same time as Adam, both their shoulders relaxing in sync. Adam noticed and immediately folded his arms again before anyone else took note. "And look, we're almost here!" He gestured and Adam saw quite the crowd of Sinners and Hellborns lined up in mass in front of a pair of large, arching golden gates. "You just wait here for a moment. Lysander- make sure Adam doesn't wander off. Syn, make sure Lysander doesn't wander off. And Adam... I dunno, just try not to get cut." Lucifer took a deep breath. "I'm serious though, Lysander you make sure, no matter what, Adam doesn't get cut, punched, shoved over- anything that could draw blood."

"Sir yes sir." Lysander gave a little salute and Lucifer vanished. "That's a super specific request. I feel like: 'Make sure Adam doesn't get hurt' would have been sufficient, but that's why I'm not the boss I guess."

"Yeah, it's really because Lucifer is dumb and not because there's anything wrong with my blood. You know, in case that's what you were thinking." Thankfully, Adam was quick on his feet and able to divert Lysander before he questioned Lucifer's request any further. Crisis averted.

"I wasn't. But thank you for ruling out that one, very niche line of thought for me." Lysander raised an eyebrow at him.

"You're welcome." Adam nodded his head. There was a definite shift in the crowd. All at once they started to turn away from the park. The mood went from excited to angry in a matter of moments. Lysander pushed Adam back with his arm and Adam saw the translucent gun appear again as his tail swished. But the crowd didn't really seem too interested in them as Lucifer reappeared.

"Good news everyone! We are going to have the park to ourselves." Lucifer dusted himself off. "The bad news is that there might be a riot."

"Is the bad news that we're missing the riot?" Lysander looked at his gun, then at the crowd, his tail drooping slightly.

"Yes, we're missing the riot. Sorry Lysander." Lucifer patted him on the back. "We're going to use a back entrance into the park to avoid the worst of it. Adam, stay close." Lucifer grabbed him by the wrist pulling him right beside him. Adam tried to break free but found himself to be quite trapped as he was pulled along behind Lucifer. Syn, seemingly giving up on flying at this point, landed on Adam's head. He was impressed she stayed balanced as he was dragged along the gate until they reached a very small, locked entrance. Lucifer tapped his cane on the lock and the door swung open. He pulled Adam (and Syn) through the entryway, Lysander bringing up the rear. As soon as they were through, Lysander's gun vanished.

"Aww..." He looked disappointedly at his hands which had previously been gripping a weapon. "I didn't even get to shoot anyone."

"Sorry, no weapons allowed" Lucifer looked Adam up and down, spinning him around before finally letting him go. "Doesn't look like you got hurt... good."

"I'll be honest, I'm a bit surprised you are letting me go out in any kind of group." Adam had to raise the question. Perhaps this was the point in time where Lucifer revealed the entire Corruption bit to be a bold-faced lie and Adam was secretly fine. After all, why else would he let him go outside?

"Well, you're not going to Corrupt Syn. She's a machine. And I can keep an eye on you and Lysander. Overall, this is a pretty controlled environment." Lucifer gave a shrug. "Plus, if I entertain you, you're less likely to run."

"I am incorruptible because I was made by the best." Syn was still sitting on Adam's head and overheard the conversation, but it didn't seem as if Lucifer had filled her in on his whole scam.

"Exactly." Lucifer gave Syn a little pat. "Now if you are done trying to poke holes in my logic, are you ready to be amazed? Be wowed!? Have your jaw hit the floor!?" Lucifer put his hand on Adam's back as he led him out of the small alleyway and toward this allegedly amazing park. Adam rolled his eyes.

"I mean, I wouldn't hold my breath on that."

"I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to Syn. I know you'll be amazed but you'll also be too much of a petty bitch to actually admit it. I've accepted that." Lucifer pulled Adam out of the alley and gestured dramatically around him. "Welcome to Lu Lu World! A piece of Heaven in Hell, but better, because I came up with it. That's the tagline." Lucifer pointed to a nearby sign that did, in fact, have the entire spiel crawled under the Lu Lu World title. Seemed a little desperate, but Adam didn't have long to think about it because he had finally reached the park.

"Oooooo!" He could hear Syn cry out in excitement from her spot on top of his head. It was a bit overkill, but he knew she adored the Devil and would do anything to help inflate that already planet sized ego. That isn't to say the theme park wasn't something to behold. Adam would never admit it to himself but it was impressive. As soon as he stepped out from the narrow street, he saw a sprawling, gilded wonderland before him. Towering rides, lively stalls of exciting looking games and wondrous prizes, beautiful buildings that looked like something out of a fairytale, and a gorgeous plant life sprawled throughout the park. The streets were paved with some sort of luminescent golden stone that lit up underfoot, it seemed like they were inside as Adam could no longer see the siren call of Heaven, tormenting him from the sky. Instead, the sky looked more like the one back on earth. There were bright stars twinkling overhead, a beautiful glowing moon casting light over the park. It was definitely night (though Adam was fairly certain by Hell's time it was day) but he could still see everything clearly as all the buildings, the street, and even some of the plants gave off a warm, welcoming light. Adam didn't even realize his mouth was open until he felt the apple shaped cane-topper underneath his chin, slowly pushing his mouth closed. Lucifer was grinning at him from ear to ear.

"Nice, right?"

"It's fine, I guess." Adam tried his best to appear nonchalant. It was actually incredible. Upon closer inspection, the posts that helped light the paths were made of pure light. It was shockingly serene, especially for Hell.

"Damn, it would really kill you to pay me a compliment, huh?" Lucifer looked more amused than anything else. "That's okay, I know the truth." He started walking ahead once more. "Now anything with my face on it, you can take from for free. This trip is on me. Anything without my face still costs money because those are independent businesses. I try to support growing industry."

"Wait... seriously?" Lysander looked like a kid in a candy store, his pointed ears were perked up, his tail high. "I am getting a hat!" He immediately ran off to one of the booths with an obnoxious smiling Lucifer-face on the front and returned with an oversized top hat that matched Lucifer's complete with the dopey looking snake and apple on the brim.

"Dude, seriously?" Adam raised an eyebrow. The hat bulged awkwardly in the middle due to Lysander's horns preventing the rim from going all the way over his head. He just had the brim balanced under where the horns curled.

"It's free." Lysander replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "And I am not gonna turn down free shit in Hell. That's lesson one."

"Can I have a hat!?"

"Of course you can, Syn." Lucifer walked to the same booth, picking up another hat and plopping it on Adam's head.

"What the fuck!? I don't want that stupid shit!" Adam tried to take it off, but Lucifer swatted his hands away.

"It's not for you, dumbass. It's for Syn."

"I feel very cool!" Ah right, Syn was still on his head. He could rip the hat off, but then he might accidentally knock her off in the process and- while she could fly- he didn't really feel like possibly damaging her and garnering Lucifer's wrath in the process. (That, of course, was the sole reason for Adam allowing her to remain inside the horrible looking hat. It had nothing to do with how excited she sounded when Lucifer had put it on.)

"You are very cool, Syn." Lucifer assured her. "And you can practice interacting with people by talking to the staff here. It will be good for you to learn how to converse with people outside of myself and Lysander."

"I will talk to all of them!"

"Maybe not all of them, but I like your enthusiasm." Lucifer continued to lead them down the path. Lysander kept vanishing and reappearing with more and more Lucifer themed stuff.

"Can she even see under that hat?" Adam was just waiting for Syn to get bored and move. Though some of the things Lysander was returning with were starting to catch Adam's interest. None of the Lucifer stuff, obviously, but the food looked good. And Adam hadn't eaten since he had arrived in Hell. He was actually starting to feel ravenous which was strange because he hadn't felt hunger at all since, well, he had died. As they walked past each of the booths, Adam saw that most everything was apple flavored: apple tarts, apple turnover, apple fritter, apple cider, and so on and so forth. Finally, he saw just basic popcorn. There was one booth selling it in a stupid looking apple shaped tin, but there was another selling it in a regular bag. Adam's stomach growled so he grabbed the bag and just began to eat. God he was starving. He finished the entire bag and grabbed a second one. He was thirsty too, but that could be dealt with in a moment.

"You know you gotta pay for that shit, dude." The Hellborn running the counter was giving Adam an annoyed look.

"No, I don't." Adam pointed behind him to where Lucifer was probably still standing. "I'm with the Devil."

"I don't give a shit who you're with. I am losing money with the park closed down and you're eating all my food."

"Yeah, but it's okay. I was hungry."

"Listen here you two-toned fuck." The Hellborn started to come out of the booth, claws and teeth clearly visible. "I want my goddamn money and if you don't pay up, I will rip you apart and sell your organs to get it."

"Woah now!" Lucifer was suddenly at Adam's side, a hand on his chest, another on his back as he pulled Adam backward. "You know I don't allow fighting on Lu Lu World grounds, and certainly no dying. You need to take that shit off the property."

"This asshole just fucking stole from me." The Hellborn did relax her posture as Lucifer appeared, but her expression stayed rather intense.

"I was hungry, so I ate the food that was right there." Adam gestured to the shelf where all of the popcorn bags were lined up, ripe for the taking. "I don't see the problem."

"The problem," Lucifer brought his hand to his face and slowly dragged it down in exasperation, "is that she is an independent contractor. Remember? I gave a whole fucking speech on how you can have anything from a booth with my face on it but NOT from booths without it?" He pointed to the booth in question. "Do you see my fucking face on this, Adam!?" Adam still had the popcorn in his hands, actively shoving it in his mouth.

"Right there." Adam swallowed a mouthful of salty, buttery treat, as he pointed to a picture on the side of the booth.

"Adam that is a fucking smiley face! It looks nothing like me!"

"It doesn't have a nose, you don't have a nose..." Adam felt as if he were making some good points, but Lucifer and the Hellborn stared at each other in silence, before Lucifer let out a frustrated, heavy sigh.

"I'll pay for what he ate." He handed the Hellborn a card and she seemed satisfied. "But this is coming out of your paycheck. I am your boss not your fucking Sugar Daddy."

"My pay what?" Adam continued to eat unabashed by what was around him. Lucifer looked for a second as if Adam had struck him across the face.

"Paycheck! The funds you get from doing your job. I keep telling you: this isn't Heaven. Shit costs money."

"Yeah, I never really had to deal with that." Adam gave a little shrug. "I mean we didn't really do that whole... economy thing when I was on Earth. And Heaven just lets you take what you want, so you kinda lost me." He reached for a bottle of wine from the booth's display, but Lucifer pulled him back.

"Nope. Not for you. You have lost your taking stuff privileges as you clearly cannot follow very simple instructions."

"I'm thirsty." Adam pointed at the bottle he wanted.

"Fine. Don't touch anything." Lucifer took his card back from the Hellborn and walked to a different booth, grabbing a bottle wrapped in decorative white wrapping and handing it to Adam. Adam took a swig before spitting it out (he would have spit it all over the Hellborn and her wares, but Lucifer forcibly turned his head making him spit on the ground.)

"Gross. Apple." Adam made a face. Lucifer glared at him.

"Come the fuck on, Adam. It's apple juice. You used to like apples if I remember."

"Used to. I wonder what might have happened that changed that, hm?" Adam met his gaze, still holding the bottle in his hand. Lucifer rolled his eyes.

"The Fruit of Knowledge wasn't even really an apple. It just took the form of your favorite fruit which, for you and Eve, was apples."

"My point still stands." Adam wasn't about to back down. "Do you have anything not fucking apple related." Lucifer took the bottle from Adam and handed him a different one.

"It's water." Lucifer informed him before Adam even had a chance to ask. "So, you shouldn't have any reason to complain. Unless, of course, you suddenly hate water too because you saw me drink it one time."

"Water's fine." Adam snatched the bottle from Lucifer and began to drink heavily.

"Damn, would it kill you to say fucking thanks?" Lucifer looked very clearly annoyed.

"To you? I dunno probably." Adam continued to drink.

"Are you done causing trouble? You haven't even gone on any rides or played any games." Lucifer gestured for Adam to follow him once again. "And if you can't behave, I will take you back home."

"I would like to play a game!" There was a happy comment from beneath the top hat. Adam was beginning to wonder if Syn had gone to sleep or something since she hadn't really interjected in the food fiasco.

"There you are, you didn't want to practice talking to that Hellborn?" Adam tried to look at Syn but she was on his head, making it physically impossible.

"I am shy. I did not know what to say to them. But I do want to try a game."

"I have the perfect game for you, Syn!" Lucifer took them to a beautiful stream filled to the brim with little rubber ducks. "You just pick three ducks and if you get a red apple on the bottom, you win a prize!"

"Oh, I suck at this one." Lysander made a face.

"I cannot see the ducks."

"That's because your hat is too big." Lucifer lifted the top hat off of Adam's head and Syn flew out from under it, buzzing excitedly over the river. "Better?"

"Affirmative, Master!"

"So, she does have eyes?" Adam let Lucifer keep hold of Syn's hat since he was the one who had given it to her.

"She has sensors." Lucifer replied flatly. "So, she can see, just not in a traditional sense." Syn spun in a little circle, nudging one of the ducks. Lucifer picked it up for her. "Nope, two more chances." He put the duck off to the side. Syn flew to a different duck and began nudging it. Lucifer picked it up out of the water, turning it over. "One more chance, Syn." Syn flew around for a minute, back and forth before landing on the back of another duck. Lucifer picked it up and Adam watched the apple mark materialize on the bottom. "You did it!"

"I get a prize!"

"You sure do." He gestured at the (lame looking) prizes hanging overhead. Syn started flying repeatedly into a snake plush that was golden like the one on Lucifer's hat.

"This one!"

"That one it is." Lucifer took it from the rack and handed it right to Adam. "Hold this for Syn."

"Oh shit, can we do the shooting game?" Lysander didn't even make an attempt at the ducks. Adam didn't blame him, it looked- from his perspective at least- that Lucifer had just cheated for Syn to win, but Adam didn't know enough about the game to say for sure.

"I'd play that." A shooting game did sound like more fun for Adam than a game about ducks. He was a pretty good shot, after all.

"Sure, why not." Lucifer led them to a booth where a rifle sat on the table. Lysander picked it up.

"Probably gonna need all my eyes for this, huh?" Lysander, much to Adam's confusion, pulled his hair back, revealing a third eye under his bangs.

"Wait! You have three fucking eyes!?" Adam had spent a good part of his day with this dude and had definitely only ever seen the two of them.

"Yep. Trait from my biological mother." The eye on his forehead closed and seemed to sink into the icy blue skin, vanishing all together. "I can move it at will." Lysander poked out his long, serpentine tongue and the eye was now on the tip of it. It blinked at Adam who jumped back.

"Fucking gross!"

"It's actually really useful, gives me three-hundred-and-sixty-degree vison when I really need it." The eye vanished from the tongue and reappeared back on his forehead. "Great for not getting ambushed~" Lysander took aim with the gun. "Let's fucking go!" All at once the booth sprung alive with cardboard Exorcists popping out from all angles. (Okay, shooting Exorcists felt a little wrong, but Adam still wanted to play.) Lysander began to shoot. He fired off in rapid succession hitting each of the cutouts between the eyes.

"I still got it!" He looked pleased as the Hellborn behind the counter handed him a rather well made, light up orb that looked almost exactly like the moon. It even floated over Lysander's hand. "Papa would be proud."

"I want to try." Adam picked up the gun.

"Adam, you're newly blind in one eye." Lucifer didn't stop him, but apparently felt it necessary to remind Adam of his current condition. "Sure you don't want to try and get used to that first?"

"Pfft," Adam readied the gun. "It's fine. I had two eyes for a reason. Only need one to function." This was the first fun looking thing he had seen. Lucifer shrugged and the Exorcists started to appear again. Perhaps Adam should have taken Lucifer's advice. At first, he was missing rather badly, nearly clipping Syn with one of the (fake?) bullets. (At least Adam assumed they were fake. Lucifer had said there were no weapons in Lu Lu World.) It took him a bit to adjust his aim, he did hit a few shots toward the end, but overall, he was not happy with his performance. "Can I try again?"

"We aren't staying here all day for you to get a perfect score. There are other games." Lucifer waved Adam along to follow him. The Hellborn behind the counter handed Adam a very poorly constructed toy of Lucifer, the arms seemed to be falling off.

"Consolation prize." The Hellborn explained. "Usually for the kids, but you scored about the same.

"Hey, fuck you." Adam snatched the prize away and shoved it in his pocket. He didn't really want it, but maybe he could give it to Cain later as a peace offering. (Though he really needed to win something better than a shitty Lucifer doll to get his son to talk to him).

"Oooo!" Syn flew over to a large glowing Test Your Strength machine. There was a massive hammer sitting off to the side. "Can I play this one!?"

"You can't pick the hammer up." Adam pointed out.

"Aw."

"Here," Lucifer put the hammer beside the metal plate that was supposed to be struck in order to get a score. "Fly into it and knock it over." Syn did as she was told. She flew into the hammer until it flopped over, giving her a rather low score. However, the Hellborn behind the counter gave her a little plastic flower as a prize.

"I won!"

"You sure did." Lucifer took the plastic flower and put it on top of Syn, somehow it stayed put as she flew in a little circle.

"I can play this one." Adam at least had the distinct advantage that he had arms and could actually lift the hammer.

"You know you aren't as strong as you were in your angel form." Lucifer was either cautioning him, or simply trying to save Syn the embarrassment. (Though Adam highly doubted Syn would care. She didn't seem overwhelmingly competitive.)

"It's a fucking game, I think I'll be fine." Adam lifted the hammer. It was heavier than he was expecting, though it wasn't as if it was unwieldy. He tightened his grip, raising it up and slamming it down on the metal plate. The game lit up. His score was... okay.

"Better than I thought you'd get." Lucifer handed Adam a small, plush apple from the prize table. It was only about the size of Adam's fist. Adam rolled his eyes and shoved it in his pocket with the tiny toy Lucifer. There was no way he was dragging Lucifer's fucking merchandise with him back to Heaven. It would be even more unfortunate if he had to explain how he had gotten the Lucifer doll to all his Exorcists. "Here," Lucifer cracked his knuckles, stretching out his hands before picking up the hammer with insulting ease. "Watch the master at work."

"Hurray Master!" Syn called excitedly as she flew in circles around his head.

"You got this, Boss-man! I believe in you." Lysander echoed the sentiment.

"All righty then!" Lucifer made a show of twirling the hammer all around like it was some kind of baton. He brought it down toward the pressure-plate, stopping just before he hit. He paused, looking back at Adam, making eye contact, before lightly tapping the plate. The score soared so high the lights reached all the way to the top. Lucifer picked up a prize, a large potted plant. (Kind of a weird prize for a game, but whatever). He handed it to Adam.

"Bro, I don't want your shit." Adam held out his hands to refuse.

"Really? I'm surprised." Lucifer started to take the gift back, "Cain donated this himself, it's one of his favorite flowers, and-"

"Give it to me." Adam took it back, holding it close. It did look like something Cain would have enjoyed. The bright colors and delicate petals reminded him of the beautiful flowers Cain used to grow for Evie back at their little home. He always had such a green thumb, he took the soil and turned it to art.

"Changed your mind, I see." Lucifer grinned. "Well then shall we go to the best ride in the whole park? I mean we could keep collecting prizes, but we'll have to carry them all home and you're running out of arm space."

"The Fall!" Lysander gave a cheer. "Aw fuck yeah! No wait time!? I am gonna ride it until I puke!"

"Hurray! Ride!" Syn was just agreeable to whatever was suggested so her opinion didn't hold too much water with Adam, but Lysander's comment had intrigued him. (Though he highly doubted Lucifer would be super happy if Adam started throwing up on the ride- but that really just made it all the more appealing.)

"This way Adam, to the best ride in the park. Heaven wishes they had something like this. But since their a bunch of cloud-hugging pussies- they can't." Lucifer was talking a pretty big game- which was par for the course given the Devil's massive ego. (Though everything Adam had seen thus far had been... fun. The games were obviously rigged, but the food was good, and the atmosphere was actually quite enchanting. Not that Adam would tell Lucifer.)

"It probably won't even crack the top ten." Adam shrugged as he followed Lucifer along the pathway. They passed several more rides before they reached a large sign behind a golden glowing stairway. The sign simply read: THE FALL. Beside it was a silhouette of Lucifer and Lilith falling away from the bright ball that represented Heaven in the sky. Adam frowned a bit. That had not exactly been a great day for him but he couldn't compare it to how Lucifer had felt. So why make a ride to commemorate the worst experience in his existence? That seemed like a really strange choice. But Lucifer didn't seem fazed by the whole ordeal.

"I know what you're thinking," the Devil hopped on the first step. "Why make a ride about one of most painful and horrid experiences in your entire life? Isn't that trauma-dumping and a poor coping mechanism? I mean," he laughed, "what are you, my therapist? This ride kicks ASS and I am really happy with it." Adam raised an eyebrow, following Lucifer up the golden stairway. It was quite the climb. The higher they got, the more it felt like Heaven. The beautiful nighttime theme park slowly vanished and Adam was met with bright skies and clouds. There were faceless angels hanging in the distance, he could hear the faint melody of a harp.

"Oh fuck yes!" Lysander managed to reach the top of the stairs first running onto the platform that was shaped like a cloud. Adam bent down, touching it. It even felt like the ground in heaven, soft... warm... he stood back up, following Lysander and Lucifer as he past more faceless angels. These seemed to be moving, flitting about, some playing instruments. It was hard to tell if they were projections or animatronics.

"Please step into the holy center of the room." The ride operator was dressed in angelic garb with the most unconvincing pair of fake wings strapped to her back. "All arms, legs, tentacles, and other appendages must stay at your sides once the ride is in progress. Please place all items along the edge. They will be returned to you at the photo booth. Remember to pick them up because cleanliness is next to Godliness. Now stand still and enjoy the story of our brave and mighty King, Lucifer, and his rise to power in Hell. And have a blessed day." The Hellborn stepped back and seemed to vanish as they closed a door. Adam wasn't even sure when they had entered a building.

"Brave and mighty," Lucifer elbowed Adam in his ribs. "Did you hear that?"

"It's clearly a script dude. Don't milk this." Adam swatted him away before going to put the plant that Lucifer had w- that Adam had obtained- on the edge of the room, along with Syn's snake plush. Lysander put his cool moon-looking orb down as well.

"Oh Syn, you better stay in my pocket. Don't want you falling out." Lucifer took Syn and placed her in his coat pocket, she wriggled a bit till just the top of her was sticking out. Adam presumed this was so she could see. But in all honesty, he had no idea.

"Lucifer Morningstar," All of the sudden, they were not alone. Adam stepped back as he heard a voice speaking. The bright Heavenly lights began to dim and turn red. Shadows cast along the wall. Adam could see a silhouette of Lucifer and Lilith before him, and in front of them, a faceless angel, six wings, two halos, and a flaming sword. The only parts of him not blacked out were the many eyes on the halos and wings, and the distinct, angry frown. "You have committed treason against your holy brethren and broken our most sacred rule."

"Is that supposed to be Michael?" Adam looked over at Lucifer who was staring up at the massive, looming silhouette.

"Shh, yes that's clearly Michael." Lucifer whispered back to him.

"It doesn't look anything like him."

"It's a silhouette! It's artistic, dumbass."

"Also, your name wasn't even Lucifer back then."

"Adam, shut up." Lucifer shushed him again. The silhouette of Michael split into four and suddenly they were surrounded on all four sides by looming, angry figures with their massive wings, clearly outlined weapons in their hands. Adam felt... small by comparison.

"For your crimes, you must suffer. No longer are you welcome in Heaven's divine light. You shall be cast out to the depths below." The shadow of Michael before them was intimidating and Adam found himself stepping backward.

"But I only wanted to give the humans free will." The tiny Lucifer in front of the overwhelming form of Michael was pleading for any sort of mercy. But the simplistic, two-dimensional face stayed contorted in rage.

"Into the void with you traitor!" The Michael lunged forward, and Adam felt something slash against his chest. It didn't hurt, it just felt like a rough blast of air. But it scared the shit out of him. What was even worse was the ground under his feet vanished and he started to freefall. Adam let out a scream, his wings spreading out to no avail. He grabbed onto Lucifer with both arms. Fuck it. That asshole could fly and if Adam was going to fall to his death, he was going to land on the little bitch responsible. He could hear Lysander laughing as suddenly bars wrapped around him and a seat appeared under his legs, and he was sitting on a ride. It began to tumble and twist in all directions. It was dark, pitch black, except for flashes of light where an Angels in Exorcist's masks would appear beside them weapons raise. Finally, the ride came to a stop. There was an animatronic Lucifer at the bottom, a Lilith on his arm.

"I don't need Heaven. I know I did the right thing. We did the right thing. And together we will build a city like no other!"

"WOOHOO FUCK YEAH THAT RIDE IS THE BEST!" Lysander bounced off the ride, practically climbing over Adam to get out. "I want my commemorative photo!"

"Welllll?" Lucifer looked at Adam expectantly.

"It was fine." It kicked ASS. It was probably the most thrilling ride on which Adam had ever ridden. "Not super accurate. The Exorcist Angels during the actual falling are pretty anachronistic and I could do without having to look at my ex-wife."

"People like the Exorcists on the ride. They recognize them." Lucifer gave a shrug as they walked to a little booth where Lysander was buying his picture.

"Like I said, it was pretty fun. Not like it shook me up. I'm a bit too tough for thrill-rides you s-." Adam coughed as he saw himself latched onto Lucifer mid-scream, the Devil looking quite smug in his death grip in the photos at the booth. Lucifer looked over at him with that same self-satisfied expression.

"You sure about that?"

"I was surprised is all. What are you doing?" Adam tried to grab Lucifer who was going toward the photos.

"I want my picture." Lucifer easily kept moving despite Adam trying to hold him back.

"Why would you want that!?"

"Because your face is hilarious." Lucifer held up the photo and Adam's cheeks tinted gold and he looked away quickly, gathering the plant he had to put down at the beginning of the ride. Fortunately, it looked as if it was all in one piece.

"I told you I was just surprised."

"No worries, mate." Lysander put a hand on Adam's shoulder. "You held together pretty well for a first timer. What about you Syn, how did you do?"

No answer.

"Syn?" Lucifer checked his pocket. "Ah fuck. Syn fell out!" The Devil tucked the photo away running back toward the stairs where they started.

"You lost Syn!?" Adam ran after him.

"I did not lose her. She fell out." Lucifer kept running up the stairs with Adam and Lysander following. "Chances are, because she can fly, she just kept floating during the drop." They made it back to the top. Lucifer didn't even look remotely winded, but Adam was panting.

"Please move into th-" The Hellborn started to give the speech again, but Lucifer shook his head.

"We have a straggler." He ran back to the center of the room as he saw the Syn hanging out beside the Michael silhouette.

"You should be nice to Master." Syn was lecturing the animatronic. Adam had to stifle a laugh. "Because Master is very good at what he does, and you are just not nice. You need to try self-care. I can make you an appointment."

"There you are!" Lucifer took her from beside the other animatronic. "You were supposed to fall down with the rest of us."

"That guy was being rude to you. But as your Voice, I defended your honor!"

"Awww, thank you, Syn." Lucifer took her back down the stairs.

They stayed a while longer. Adam tried a few rollercoasters, some more games, even some of the non-apple food. They did have trouble keeping Syn on the rides. She had a habit of falling out no matter who was keeping hold of her. Eventually Lucifer showed her how to get to the lost and found. After a ride, they would go pick her up from there when she inevitably fell out. The poor Hellborn manning the station must have had her ear talked off by Syn.

Adam hated to admit it... but it was actually a pretty fun day overall. He didn't think it was possible to have fun in Hell. (At least for the suckers who were trapped down here. When you were an Exorcist, it was easy.) Lucifer had made his point; he had truly created something exciting down in the worst place in the afterlife. For a moment, Adam was able to see a bit of the angel he had once known in Eden as Lucifer laughed and talked with his mansion staff.

By the time they had made it back, it was already getting late. There were more Sinners on the streets than before. Hell's nightlife was only just getting started. Adam was forced to stay close to Lucifer as they navigated back toward his house. For his first day in Hell... it hadn't been the worst. Adam had definitely suffered far worse as a living human. Perhaps this was just a way to set his expectations mediocre so they could be crushed to pieces at a later date. It was a weird method of torture, but it made some degree of sense.

"So? Not bad right? Who's pathetic now?" Lucifer opened the door, and they filed back in.

"Still you." Adam mused.

"Are you kidding!?" Lysander was in a great mood. "Best. Boss. Ever. I'm putting my prize up in my room!" He bolted up the stairs, stopping as he reached the top. "Syn! Need me to get your door for you? I got your prizes!"

"Oh yes thank you!"

"Yeah, I have a plant to put up." Adam followed Syn and Lysander up the stairs, Lucifer tailing behind them, as it seemed all the bedrooms were on the second floor. He watched Lysander open Syn's door and put her things down before Adam opened his own door kicking the ducks aside and placing his plant on the little desk. It did add a little something, a bit of flair that gave the room a bit more of a personal feel. (Plus, he had a reason to call Cain and show him the flower.)

Adam was tired, but not yet ready to go to bed. Maybe he could work off some excess energy at the gym Lysander had snuck into the house.

He opened his door again, stopping in the hallway. The place was a mess. There were ducks everywhere along with discarded and forgotten papers. (Damn, Adam sure hoped none of this shit was important in any way.) The mansion was gaudy, sure, but it wasn't really an evil lair befitting the King of Lies. If anything, the mess was... kind of sad. He looked at the portrait of Lilith, Lucifer, and their baby that was beside the Devil's room- it was one Adam hadn't defaced. Lilly's judgmental little smile looked just as condescending in painted form as Adam remembered. Good to know she could still haunt him even now. She'd probably find his damnation hilarious- befitting even. If she could see how far he had Fallen...

No. Adam was better than that. He had gone to Heaven for a fucking reason. He was not about to give up on himself. Lucifer had been down here for centuries and he had made fucking Lu Lu World. And sure, Adam would never admit it to his face- but that place kicked fucking ASS! Lucifer had gotten kicked out of Heaven (on purpose, unlike Adam who was clearly only here by mistake) and had made something that even Heaven couldn't completely match!

Maybe Lucifer wasn't quite as pathetic as Adam first thought! Maybe...

He trailed off, surveying the mess again. This mansion wasn't half bad. It probably looked pretty fucking cool in its prime.

It just needed a bit of sprucing up...

Adam took a deep breath and started to pick up the papers that littered the floor. He couldn't think in this mess. (And Lucifer had sort of treated him to a fun time today.) He stacked them on an end table at the start of the hallway and began to gather the ducks. Maybe the house wasn't terrible it just needed a little spring cleaning. And, perhaps, Adam could try and do something to help out. He had been nothing but negative since he had arrived and...

Lucifer's bedroom door swung open, and the devil looked out to see Adam with the last armful of ducks that he was moving out of the hall and into the containers that were not yet overflowing. He blinked, rubbing his eyes. He had shed his coat and vest and was instead in just his pants and collared shirt, he looked as if he was in the process of getting ready to go to sleep. But he was now just standing in the doorway staring at Adam.

"What?" Adam stared back at him.

"D... did you clean the hallway?"

"Am I keeping you up?" Adam didn't give him a straight up answer.

"N... no but... it looks nice out here..."

"I mean, it was just cluttered. Hard to think in this fucking disaster." Adam gave a little shrug. He put the last of the ducks up. His stomach churned and he hunched over a bit. Maybe the food in Hell was starting to disagree with him.

"I... Adam..." Lucifer's expression softened, he looked at Adam who was starting to feel nauseous. "Thank you."

"It's nothing." Adam tried to wave it away. It wasn't a big deal. "Really." Ugh he really wasn't feeling great now.

"No, it was actually really nice of you." Lucifer wasn't letting this go.

"I was just-" Adam cut off mid-sentence, hunching over and throwing up viscous, black goo onto the floor. "Ah fuck." Lucifer's eyes widened. He looked at Adam who stared back at him. Adam looked at the oozing black mess on the floor then back to Lucifer.

"You just threw up." Lucifer looked more shocked than upset.

"Yeah, I noticed."

"You threw up that awful, infectious black gunk."

"Gonna be honest, don't love it when you describe it like that. Pretty fucking gross, my dude."

"But... why?" Lucifer looked at Adam and the First Man found himself staring back at him rather uncertain.

"I dunno man, theme park food? All I had today was popcorn and water. It probably just made me fucking sick."

"No if you were sick you would have just thrown up. But look at that!" Lucifer gestured to the mess on the floor.

"I absolutely do not want to look at it." Adam turned his head the opposite direction.

"That's not fucking food. That is Corruption. You somehow... holy fucking shit..." Lucifer began pacing back and forth. "How... how could this even happen!? Adam..." he turned to face him, grabbing both if Adam's shoulders in his clawed grip, shaking him. "This might be something good- no- GREAT!"

"Great!?" Adam gestured to the mess. "Are you fucking kidding me!? I just cleaned that god damn floor!"

"No, no, no, no, no... forget about the mess." Lucifer's grip on him tightened. "It's nothing. But you..." He looked at Adam with genuine excitement. "I gave to do some research but... if my theory is correct... you might be getting better!"

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 10: Let's make a Deal

"Okay Adam, let's go back to my house, and we'll do this."

"You're not gonna put me in the blanket again, are you?" Adam glared up at him, starting to already regret his agreement to this stupid fucking deal. Maybe he didn't need to do this. Maybe this was all a fucking lie and Lucifer was just milking it like the piece if shit he was- Adam's thoughts stopped abruptly as he saw Cain picking up the scattered papers that had been dropped by the fleeing hellions when Adam had attacked them.

Fuck.

He had to do this. He couldn't go apeshit like that again. At least, not somewhere where it could hurt his son. On the off chance that this was true and he had some kind of sickness, he couldn't let it hurt his Cain. He already let Seth and Abel down- by being trapped here.

Abel... poor Abel... Adam didn't even say goodbye to him before he left. He used to spend so much time with him but lately he just... got pushed to the side. And now Adam was here, and he might never see Abel again. Seth hadn't talked to him since the Exterminations were revealed. Abel had tried but Adam and Lute had just... brushed him off.

"No blanket. I didn't bring it. But you need to stay close to me." Lucifer offered his hand to Adam to help him up, but he smacked it to the side, wincing as he put his hand to the ground to push himself back onto his feet.

"Whatever." Adam crossed his arms over his chest. He felt... confused, uncertain and he hated it. He hated how he couldn't just talk to Cain, convince him that he did this for him, that Cain was supposed to be safe. He walked toward Cain who was still cleaning up. "Cain I-"

"Don't talk to me. You've done enough today, don't you think," Cain didn't even turn to look at him. He just kept cleaning. Adam moved to try and help pick something up, but Cain grabbed his hand to stop him. "Can you just leave me alone? I have so much fucking work to do because of this whole fiasco that I'm already gonna be working late. So, thanks a lot, dad."

"Come on," Lucifer gestured for Adam to come back to his side. "We should get out of here so Cain can get back to work."

"O... okay." Adam wanted to refuse, to shout or make some kind of scene. But... one look at Cain and he just closed his mouth. "Let's get out of here." Usually, he would leave with two middle fingers up in the air and a crude comment; but he didn't really feel like insulting a building on which his son had clearly worked very hard. So rather than shouting and slamming the door he gave a quiet: "Bye, Cain, I'll see you later."

"Hopefully not," he heard Cain sigh under his breath. That stung.

"At least no one got hurt." Lucifer opened the door and Adam shoved past him, the streets feeling less sweltering than he remembered. He still felt a chill that seeped through his skin down to his core. So, despite the heat, he shivered. "We can make the deal at the mansion."

"I don't care." Adam hugged himself for warmth. He hated the way Lucifer's voice sounded. He missed the bitterness and vitriol from earlier. Even the smug song was better than this... almost gentle fucking pity. Adam was the first man, the basis for humanity. He should be envied not pitied, especially not by the goddamn Devil. "Was that Cain's building?"

"One of them. It's a packaging plant." Lucifer looked briefly behind them. "He's got a few different work buildings, and if you want to be technical, he owns this whole territory." He gestured around them. "Which is why I can be out and about. Cain doesn't like to be spied on. Once we get out of his domain I'm going to change into a bird. You..." He looked Adam up and down, "Tuck your wings in, maybe? You look like a fucking target. Not much we can do about your halo."

"Well, what the fuck did you do with your halos?" Adam didn't appreciate being scrutinized by the entire reason he was in this position. He knew for a fact that Archangels actually had two halos, so theoretically Lucifer should have it twice as hard hiding them.

"They're broken, just like yours is. And I can shape-shift so they're not always visible. You don't have that luxury." Lucifer waved his hand and a similar top hat to the dumb one the Devil liked to wear- except in black- appeared above Adam and dropped on his head. "Problem solved."

"I look stupid." Adam folded his wings in as he was told; but he started to pull at the hat Lucifer had forced upon him.

"You do, but that's not my fault. The hat is, honestly, the most stylish thing about your whole ensemble." Lucifer whacked his hand with the staff to stop Adam from pulling it off. Adam found he greatly preferred this sort of banter and bickering to the sympathetic way Lucifer had been treating him earlier. He didn't need his fucking pity; it was about time the devil remembered that. "Now keep it on, will you?"

"Bitch, I might." He tugged at the hat again and Lucifer smacked his hand with the cane just like before.

"Stop it."

"No." Adam smirked at him. Lucifer glared at him for a moment before vanishing. Adam felt a weight on the top of the hat, shifting as something crawled along it. He reached up to touch the hat again but touched something sharp. "Ow! Sunnovabitch!"

"Ha! Get wrecked." Lucifer peeked under the brim of the hat from his position on the top and Adam found himself face-to-snout with a white porcupine.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Adam glared at the little creature before it returned to the top of the hat.

"I said don't touch it, jackass."

"This is so dumb, can't you just like... teleport us to your house?"

"You wouldn't like that. It is easy for me to do because I'm an angel, but as a human, you wouldn't react well. You'd probably puke everywhere, and I really don't want to burn more of my shit just because you can't keep your lunch down."

"Why do you keep burning it anyway?" Adam was interested enough in why Lucifer seemed to have picked up pyromania to add to his ever-growing collection of crippling mental illnesses.

"Quite frankly, it's because that black gunk inside you is probably fucking toxic and I am not risking this spreading any further than you." The porcupine on his hat replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Probably." Adam repeated the word back at him. "You are using a lot of weasel words for a porcupine. Do you not actually know what you're talking about, devil?"

"Right now, I'm just impressed that you know the term: weasel words."

"Hey, shut the fuck up. I know stuff. I'm smart."

"It's nice being in Hell and having the luxury of lying, isn't it?" Lucifer sounded smug, and Adam could guess he had as self-satisfied a smirk as a porcupine could have on his stupid little face.

"Listen here you little shit-"

"We're here." Lucifer hopped off the hat and transformed back into himself before his feet hit the ground. "See? You made it without being attacked. All thanks to my hat." He tapped the top hat with his cane, and it vanished. Thank fucking God. Adam grabbed one of the pieces from his halo, examining it for a moment. It had lost the soft warmth that it usually had. Instead, it felt as cool and lifeless as a stone in his hand. He sighed a bit and put the piece back above him. It floated back into its original place without issue. "You're not thinking about running off again, are you?" Lucifer stopped in the doorway and turned to look back over his shoulder.

"No." He had actually been considering it, but there was no way he was going to admit Lucifer was right. "Just thinking about how dumb you look."

"... right." He went back to opening the door and led Adam back inside. This time he could see even more ducks than he had initially noticed. The fuck was with all the ducks? There were so, so many of them and Adam had yet to figure out their nefarious purpose. Lucifer led Adam back to the workshop. He gestured for Adam to sit on one of the benches, which he did. Lucifer closed the door, it seemed like he was locking it too, before he took a seat across from Adam.

"Why'd you lock the door?" Adam met his gaze, locking eyes.

"Because last time we tried to do this, you freaked out and ran all the way to Cain Organics, which is actually a pretty good distance away. So, I'm annoyed, but also kind of impressed."

"I was uncomfortable with the way things were progressing and chose to remove myself from the situation. It's a Heaven thing called: De-escalation. You wouldn't get it."

"I'm actually very familiar with the concept and- drawing from my immense well of knowledge- I can safely say that De-escalation- while it is a practice taught in Heaven- doesn't typically involve running out of a room in a blind panic while telling someone to, and I quote: Eat Shit."

"It's a newer technique, you probably weren't in Heaven when they taught it. You know, cause you got kicked out."

"So did you."

"That's still up for debate."

"Adam, can we please have a serious conversation? For like... just five minutes? That's all I'm asking." Lucifer put his hands on his knees, sighing heavily. Adam tilted his head to the side.

"What do you call what we were just having?"

"If that's you being serious, I would hate to see what it's like when you're being a sarcastic dickhead."

"It's very similar, I can see your confusion." Adam smirked at him, and Lucifer rolled his eyes. "But I promise you I can be much more sarcastic."

"Are we making a deal, or were you just bullshitting me to get Cain to think you were actually trying to be a better father?"

Adam's smile immediately faded. Low fucking blow. He remembered Cain's expression, the way he had looked at Adam, the fucking fire in his eyes. "Leave Cain out of this."

"If it makes you listen, I'll use his name as much as I Goddamn please." Lucifer's retort just made Adam narrow his eyes. "You lost control back there and tried to attack him, your own son. Doesn't make you feel very good, does it?"

"Shut the fuck up."

"You feel pretty damn shitty, don't you?" Lucifer met his gaze. "That's what it wants... that sickness... it feeds on negativity, enhances all your worst traits. I mean, you were always an insecure little bitch, but this is so much worse than you ever were back in Eden."

"I am not insecure." Adam felt the anger rising inside of him again. He could hear the faintest sound of ringing in his ears.

"But you acknowledge that you're a little bitch. I respect that." Lucifer was smirking, Adam could feel his own upper lip start to curl into a snarl, his fists started to clench, hair standing up on the back of his neck. Lucifer looked him dead in the eyes. That high pitched sound growing louder, burrowing into his brain. It was almost painful, at this point.

"How bad is that ringing in your ears right now?"

"W... what?" The ringing dissipated and Adam's hands unbleached as anger was replaced with confusion and unease. He hadn't mentioned the ringing. Not once. "H- how the fuck-"

"I may not know with one hundred percent certainty what's going on, but that doesn't mean I don't have theories." Lucifer spoke calmly, but Adam found his heart was still racing, his mouth felt dry. "I've seen Corruption before. Admittedly, not for a very, very long time- at least not in an angel but, the point still stands. I know some of the more common symptoms."

"R... right..." Adam didn't know what else to say.

"Have you been experiencing any other strange symptoms- aside from the blacking out and attacking people thing? Any unusual pain? I mean, Falling hurts in and of itself, so it might be nothing, but I gotta ask."

"I um..." It almost was starting to feel more like a doctor's appointment than an interrogation. It felt weird divulging anything to the literal reason for his suffering. But at the same time, on the off chance that this was true, and Adam might actually be sick... "My... mouth... hurts..." It might be worth it to at least hear him out. "And my hands... well- fingers."

"Your mouth, huh? Not shocking." Lucifer reached forward and took Adam's jaw in his hand, forcing his mouth open. "Say: ahhhhh~" Adam tried to pull back, but the devil was strong when he wanted to be.

"Ahhhhh..."

"Stick your tongue out a bit."

"Dude, what the fuck?"

"I need to see something, so stick your tongue out." Lucifer had made the point about the ringing in his ears, so despite how fucking weird it felt, Adam did stick his tongue out. "Ooooo..." Lucifer spoke with the same energy as a kid hearing their classmate get called to the office. "You said something you shouldn't have..." He released Adam's mouth and instead grabbed both his wrists, examining his hands. "You also touched something you shouldn't have. These little markings on your fingertips and tongue... I thought they were just part of your Sinner coloration but oh ho ho was I wrong."

"What are you talking about?" Adam didn't like the tone Lucifer had taken, and the words themselves seemed annoyingly vague. "Touched something... What like my dick?"

"The world doesn't revolve around your fucking penis, Adam. Focus. These," Lucifer pointed to the think lines on his hand, "they're not just markings, those little cracks in your skin... they're burns. Explains the pain, doesn't it?"

"Burns?" Adam repeated in disbelief. "How the fuck would I get burns on my fucking tongue!? I mean, hands? Sure. I'll buy it. Hell's a fucking trash fire, maybe I touched something. But my mouth!? I haven't even eaten since I got here!" His stomach growled a bit as if emphasizing his point.

"Actually, you had about half an apple, but you threw it back up along with everything else when you vomited all over my daughter's nice hotel floor." Lucifer replied with a small shrug. Adam glared at him.

"I don't even like apples."

"Yeah, that was on me. I had to give you something to try and shake you out of that trance you were in. Kinda like what happened to you back at Cain Organics, but that time you were able to come back on your own, without my help. I like to think that's improvement. Though the real improvement would be you not going absolutely batshit and feral in the first place. But baby steps, I guess."

"None of what you just said explains anything about the fucking burns you just diagnosed me with. I'm starting to think you're not even a real doctor." Adam folded his arms, as if attempting to hide his (possibly) burned fingers.

"I never said I was a doctor." Lucifer gave a little shrug. "I just said I have seen this before. If you want a doctor that's Raphael and his line of snippy underlings."

"Then how the fuck do you know my fingers are burned!?"

"Because I know enough. I have seen this shit before, though not for a very... very long time- which I already said." Lucifer sat back in his chair again, leaving Adam alone for the time being.

"Listen none of this fuckery started happening in until I got here! I was fine. Nothing hurt! I wasn't blacking out! And when I attacked people, it was because they were dirty Sinners who deserved it." Adam scoffed. Lucifer raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, there's a lot to unpack in that last sentence, but I'm not qualified for that." He held his hands up as if in forfeit. "So, we're just gonna ignore it for now and instead focus on the fact that you only started feeling shitty once you got to Hell. Shocking, I know." Lucifer didn't sound shocked so much as he did tired. "That's the thing with Heaven, the innate nature of if it makes you feel good. I mean it's Heaven. No pain, no fear, no doubt and that's usually really great...However," he clapped his hands together, "it can also act as a mask when something is wrong. Not intentionally, of course, but all those feel-good vibes can cover up deeper lying issues. It's rare, but it can happen."

"So, you think people just... didn't notice I was bleeding black!?" Adam glared at him from his seat on the opposing bench.

"When was the last time you bled while you were in Heaven?"

"..." Adam had to think about it. Despite the dangerous nature of his job, he didn't really get hurt. Such was the benefit of being all powerful, and all-around beloved. "Okay... you have a point."

"I'm going to make a deal with you, hopefully my magic will be enough to hold this Corruption at bay until I figure out what's going on. I was able to bring you back from the brink with magic before, so this just might be enough- maybe." Lucifer finally got to his feet.

"That's it? Just keep it at bay? Can't you fix it?" (Adam still wasn't sure how much of Lucifer's story he actually believed, but on the off chance he was telling the truth, Adam had to ask.) "Aren't you supposed to be powerful or some shit? Master of corruption?"

"I thought I was just an imitation Archangel." Lucifer threw Adam's own words back at him with a coy smirk.

"Shut the fuck up." Adam glared at him. Lucifer looked bemused by his reaction.

"Look, if we're talking about me: I was really more temptation than corruption. I'm all about choice and free will. But this isn't about me, because this isn't regular corruption, this is Corruption with a capital C. It's not Infernal, it's..." He took a deep breath, looking Adam directly in the eyes. "Adam... it's Eldritch."

"Gesundheit."

"Of course you don't fucking know what that is. Why would you?" He let out a little sigh. "Just know that there is more out there than just Heaven and Hell."

"But you can fix it... right?" Adam finally untucked his arms, putting his hands on his knees, leaning forward a bit.

"I... don't know. It's been a really long time since I've dealt with this, Adam. I can't make promises, I mean... I can and then just lie to you, but I want you to know exactly what to expect when we make this deal. I can't grantee that I can make you better, but I might be able to stop you from getting worse."

"C..." Adam took a deep breath. Whether or not he fully believed Lucifer was irrelevant. He had to ask. "Can I die from this?"

"I mean you're already dead," Lucifer's poorly timed joke was met with a glare from Adam. "But... I don't think dying is the worst-case scenario here. Like I said, Adam, I haven't seen anything like this for a while. But if memory serves... what you become if you give in to this Corruption, won't be living much of an afterlife."

"What I become?" Adam repeated the word. That had been a purposeful choice on Lucifer's part. Adam couldn't shake the feeling that the Devil was lying to him, in a sense. Perhaps not about the Corruption in and of itself, but definitely about the amount Lucifer knew. "The fuck is going to happen to me?"

"If you make a deal with me? Nothing, probably." So many noncommittal words. (With the number of lawyers in Hell it was not shocking that Lucifer knew how to avoid any actual promises.) "But it's gotta be better than the alternative, right?" He offered his hand toward Adam. "So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?"

"What are the exact terms of this deal?" Adam knew from experience to ask follow up questions. He'd fallen for the Devil's trick once and he and his family had spent their whole lives paying for it.

"I will protect you: from the citizens of Hell, from those up in Heaven, from those Outside... and from yourself. In return, you will tell me what you know: everything about what you might have come into contact with that Corrupted you. You can't hold back anything, no matter who you're trying to protect. Does that sound reasonable?" The hand was still held forward.

"I... guess..." Fuck. This was a lot to take in and Adam felt as if he hadn't stopped since the moment he had woken up, strung up like a hostage in the middle of a hotel room with Lucifer- which even with context was still a rather shitty way to start one's morning. (In fact, the context might actually make it worse.)

"Then," Lucifer's hand flourished and an apple appeared in it. "Let's make a deal, shall we?"

"Oh fuck no. I'm not eating an apple. Are you shitting me with this?" He tried to smack it out of Lucifer's hand, but Adam was learning rather quickly that the Devil was much stronger than he appeared.

"It's how I make deals! It's not personal it's just that I have a theme and I gotta stick with it, you know?"

"I'm not eating the fucking apple." Adam repeated.

"It's just one bite. One bite isn't gonna kill you."

"One bite literally damned humanity."

"Not everyone has the same weird apple-beef that you do. One bite. Don't be a pussy." Lucifer leaned forward and began rubbing it against Adam's mouth. "You know, this is actually the second time I've had to do this to you in twenty-four hours, but you were super bitey last time, so I doubt you remember it."

"Listen he-AH" And with that, there was an apple in Adam's mouth. Lucifer got up from his seat across from the newly Fallen Sinner to put an arm around his shoulders, his other hand still holding the apple.

"You already verbally consented to the deal. This just seals it. Or don't bite it and I just get to enjoy this quiet forever."

CHOMP.

Adam chewed the bitter fruit and begrudgingly swallowed. "If this is some kind of fucking trick I will-"

"I know you're in the middle of threatening me right now, and trust me, you are very scary, but," Lucifer handed him a trash bag that he had materialized out of nowhere. "You're probably going to throw up again, so if you don't mind just aiming for the bag, that would be great."

"What ar-" Adam didn't get two words out of his mouth before the nausea hit him like a brick and he started throwing up again. He did use the bag, not so much by choice, as he could feel Lucifer's magic holding his hands on it and bringing it up to his mouth. It seemed he really didn't want him to mess up another floor.

"There you go." Lucifer sounded pleased with himself. The moment Adam was done, the bag went up in flames and Adam remained hunched over, glaring at Lucifer. "Don't you feel better?"

"NO!"

"Yeah, the vomiting is kind of a side effect to our deal. Whatever's inside you didn't like having to share with my magic." Lucifer sounded rather dismissive of the whole thing- which was easy for him because he wasn't the one who was heaving his guts out. "That should be the last time it happens though."

"Awesome. Because that fucking sucks." Adam wasn't exactly in the best of moods. He had more or less just sold his soul in exchange for a bite of his least favorite food and an opportunity to start throwing up. Maybe this was all some kind of trick, but it was a hard call, and when it came to Cain, Adam couldn't risk the off-chance Lucifer was telling the truth.

"It's no treat for me, either Princess." Lucifer retorted. "You think I want to have you around all the time? Because I will be the first to tell you that I would much rather let you run amok and get your ass handed to you in increasingly violent and hilarious ways- but the safety of my people does come first. Regrettably." That seemed like an oddly noble sentiment for the Devil, and that contradicted Adam's perception of him, so he chose to ignore it. It was probably just a matter of convenience rather than caring. Lucifer protected Hell because if he didn't Heaven would... get mad or something. Adam had no idea how all that worked. It was above his pay grade.

"So now what? Do I get to live here?"

"Regrettably, yes."

"Aw yeah. Fucking sweet." Well, his soul was fucked, but at least Adam had a one-way ticket to the ritziest digs in Hell. "There have gotta be like a billion rooms in here. Do I get to pick mine? Is there a pool?"

"Your room is assigned, kinda, when I remember to do it. Eventually. Maybe. But, yes there is a pool but it's a privilege."

"Booooooo."

"Hey, you are getting to live in my house. You think I'm happy about that? Because I am really not. The idea of you being around constantly is my own personal Hell."

"Aw, thank you."

"The fact that you took that as a compliment is the exact reason I am unhappy about all of this." Lucifer sighed. "But this isn't some kind of rent-free scenario. You're not in Heaven anymore. You're in Hell, and if you stay here, you have to contribute."

"Contribute... how?" Adam had not been privy to this part of the deal when it was struck.

"I dunno Adam, housework or something?" Lucifer threw his hands up. "You do know how to do housework, don't you?"

"I mean, yeah, but I'm not your fucking maid."

"Then maybe I don't let you stay here. Maybe you can sleep outside."

"Where I can get my allegedly Corrupted blood all over the innocent" He put the word in air quotes "Sinners?" Sinners were far from innocent, or else they wouldn't have ended up in Hell in the first place. Lucifer glared at him. He opened his mouth, looking ready to make an argument, but the reality of his situation seemed to be sinking in.

"Just don't make the mess worse I guess."

All right! The bare minimum! That Adam could do. "No problem, shithead."

"Oh, I hate every bit of this." He heard Lucifer mumble under his breath before he let out a heavy sigh. "You still have to hold up your end of the deal. You have to tell me how you got this Corruption to begin with. So! Lay it on me bitch-boy, what did you get up to when you were merrily skipping your way through Purgatory on your way to slaughter all my people?"

"... what?" Adam blinked.

"Come on, Dickmaster." Lucifer's condescending tone wasn't particularly appreciated. "You didn't get Corrupted in Heaven because the Archangels burn that shit on sight. There's no way it made it to you. You have to fly through Purgatory to get to me, and that place is actually dangerous. Maybe you wandered off the path? Saw a sexy Shoggoth waving its tentacle in a sultry way?"

"The fuck is a Shug goth!? You know I don't like goth chicks!"

"I don't believe that."

"Okay, I do kinda like goth chicks. But that doesn't mean I know when one is Shug or whatever."

"A Shoggoth isn't a goth, Adam, it's a horrible amalgamation of tentacles and teeth that screams. Have you seen anything like that in Purgatory? More importantly... did you touch it?"

"Why the fuck would you think I would touch something like that!?"

"Don't take this the wrong way, Adam- or do. I don't really care." Lucifer reached over, putting a hand on Adam's shoulder. "But you absolutely strike me as the type to see a flailing, screaming, oozing mass, of teeth and eyes, and want to poke it."

While that did sound like something Adam would do, he chose to be offended rather than admit it. "No, I wouldn't. That's fucking dumb and doesn't even sound fun at all." It did. But the point still stood Adam was positive he had done no such thing. "And no, I didn't."

"Okay then, did you find a neat little trinket on your journey? Something that you just had to grab with your, grimy bare hands?"

"Bro, I wear gloves in my Exorcist uniform."

"Yeah, okay. Point." Lucifer was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you took the trinket back and touched it after you got- no. The Archangels would have sensed that the moment you crossed the pearly gates. Okay so maybe you didn't find a cursed object..." Lucifer looked deep in thought. Adam considered mentioning that the Archangels actually weren't home, at the moment, but that information would probably just mean he would be stuck here longer. Plus, Sera would fucking flip if he let someone in Hell know they were away. Especially Lucifer. If they knew the guard dogs were gone, all of Hell could rise up against Heaven. And that could endanger Abel and Seth.

"I don't just pick up random shit I find in Purgatory. Despite popular belief, I actually know that place is dangerous." Adam had been warned before he ever entered the labyrinth between realms. He had actually lost Exorcists on the way down.

"Okay, fine. Did you find any unusual boo-" Lucifer started to laugh before he could even finish his sentence. "Boo-" He laughed again, harder, struggling to get the words out as he gasped for air between cackles. "Boo...ks..." he finally got it out, though the word was breathy and difficult to understand.

"Books?"

"Sorry I just... the image of you reading books is just-" Lucifer broke down into laughter again. Adam glared at him.

"I can read, asshole."

"I mean, sure... but do you?"

"I... yeah! I read!" Adam didn't do it too often, especially not anymore. But he used to! (There seemed to be a number of things Adam had once enjoyed that he had gradually stopped doing overtime. That seemed counterproductive, considering Heaven was supposed to be all about enjoying the little things.) "But it's not like I stopped to get a coffee and a book when I was flying through Purgatory! I had a mission, after all." The very idea seemed a little farfetched when he said it out loud. "So no, I didn't read..." huh "anything..." Wait a second. "Suspicious...?" Adam trailed off.

"Adam?" The laughter was gone from Lucifer's voice, and he seemed to be completely focused on Adam.

"Huh..." Adam's head felt a little... off. It was funny. He hadn't really thought about it in years, but he had a vague memory of a piece of paper being shown to him by...

Odd... he couldn't remember...

In fact, the whole memory seemed to be more dreamlike than anything else. Even trying to remember the paper... or was it a book? Was it just a page...? The whole thing felt so unreal...

Maybe it had been a dream.

You have to... Adam... we need you.

He could remember words... some of them, but the voice in his mind was as distorted as the image in his brain. He couldn't even remember where he was standing when this conversation had taken place.

"Adam?"

Adam's chest felt heavy. It felt harder to breathe, like something was holding him so tightly it was starting to crush him. He heard that ringing in his ears again, his face felt flushed and hot. He couldn't get enough air to even talk.

"ADAM!"

"Nnn?" Adam blinked. He was somehow lying on his back on the cold floor staring up at Lucifer leaning over him. He could feel a cold sweat on his skin.

"Don't you dare bite me..." Lucifer seemed to be talking more to himself but his eyes widened seeing Adam's attempt to sit up. "Woah!" The golden chain appeared around Adam's neck again and he was forcibly pulled back to the ground. "No bitey!"

"I am not gonna fucking bite you, you goddamn weirdo! I don't want your shitty blood in my mouth!"

"Oh, you're you. I had to be careful. Not that the Corruption would affect me much, anyway, being as powerful as I am- but that still doesn't mean I want to deal with it."

"Let me get up you asshole!"

"Very well." Lucifer nodded his head and the chains vanished. Adam was finally able to sit back up. He felt... kind of dizzy. He shook his head and the feeling seemed to dissipate. "Just had to be sure."

"W... what happened?" Adam blinked several times and the room looked back to normal (pitiful, but normal).

"You um... had like... I dunno... a seizure or something. Your eyes rolled back and you kinda convulsed. But you seem fine now." Lucifer's easy-going tone didn't really match the severity of his words. "Super unexpected, actually. BUT!" He held up both hands doing a little spin in the chair in which he was now sitting. (It seemed he had forgone his seat on the bench in favor of a rolling swivel chair. Adam would ALSO have wanted a rolling swivel chair over the bench- and especially over the floor- but Lucifer hadn't even offered it to him. Fucking ass.) "You didn't go feral this time, so I am going to take that as a win." He clapped his hands together, sounding far too pleased with himself. "So definite improvement. Not the seizing, but the lack of biting." He looked back at Adam for a moment and the newly Fallen First Man glared at him with all the hate he could muster. Lucifer waved the look away. "Ah you get it."

"I started fucking convulsing and all you care about is that I didn't BITE someone!? Are you shitting me right now!?"

"It's the little victories, fucker." Lucifer kicked his chair over, so he was close enough to put a hand on Adam's shoulder. "When you're trapped down here forever- which you are, so you'll learn this in your own time- you're so accustomed to net loss that any kind of win feels good. Like right now: I just made a deal with you to garner information and it turns out that you can't fucking tell me without having some adverse reaction which is both frustrating and impressive. Like, I'm the Devil. I appreciate a good 'Monkey's Paw Scenario' more than most- I actually invented the monkey's paw, by the way, so if you're looking to give credit on a frankly amazing invention, you just shoot those compliments right this way." He gestured toward himself with the thumb of the hand that wasn't on Adam's shoulder. Adam glanced at the hand still touching him, trying to non-verbally remind Lucifer to move it, but the Devil misread his signal and simply continued on his rant. "But I digress, the point is I made a deal for information, and it turns out that the Corruption literally causes you to shut down when you try and remember important details. Which is a huge loss for me because it is going to be much harder for me to benefit from our deal now."

"So, then we break off the deal?" Adam brightened up a bit. He thought he was just going to have to sit and wallow in the feelings of instant regret. But if it was two-sided, then perhaps there was still an escape.

"Nah, I still think I can get information out of you yet. It'll just be much more difficult. And maybe, if we're lucky, painful." The hand turned into Lucifer's whole arm around his shoulder as his free hand gestured upward at the sky. His crimson and gold eyes glanced over toward Adam. "Painful for you, I mean. I should be fine."

"Get the fuck off!" Adam pushed free of him. "I'm not gonna let you torture me for information, jackass!"

"Oh relax, I'm kidding, probably." Lucifer spun in his chair looking far too happy with Adam's reaction. "I'm not going to torture you. It would be useless and honestly a bit dangerous since I have no idea what your capable of with that Corruption inside you. And I'm not evil." Adam raised an eyebrow at that last bit. Lucifer met his gaze, giving a little shrug. "Matter of opinion."

"So, we're keeping the deal?"

"Yep!"

"This is fucking bullshit."

"Listen, having you live here is no picnic for me either. But I do actually have work to do, I'm afraid." Lucifer stood up. "So why don't you start out on your new, illustrious career as my maid, and go clean something?" Despite his small size, Lucifer easily forced Adam to his feet and toward the door.

"I'm not gonna do that."

"I don't really give a flying fuck what you do, Adam, so long as you aren't bleeding on anyone."

"Oh really? Not one flying fuck?"

"Not really."

"So, what if I leave?"

"I mean you know where the door is. So, leaving is entirely in the realm of possibility. I'm not going to lock you up. But last time you left you caused an entire fiasco that your son is going to have to clean up and he was about the only one here who you would run to. Everyone else is going to make you earn your keep, and I promise you they'll make you do far worse than housework."

Fuck, he kept bringing Cain up like some sort of trump card, and Adam hated how much it was working. "I'm going to go pick my room." Adam headed toward the door. Lucifer had him by the balls, but rather than giving him the satisfaction of knowing he had won the argument. It was easier and more dignified to pretend it never happened as he threw the door open.

"Just stay out of the West Wing." Lucifer got to his feet behind him. "That area is always off limits."

"Listen dude, I don't give two shits about your weird, mysterious off-limits wing. It's probably just filled with more ducks." Adam didn't feel like trying him- at least not right now. He still felt a little weary from waking up on the floor.

"Good. Any of the rooms that aren't clearly marked for other uses are free for you to pick from, until I eventually assign one." Lucifer pushed past Adam and headed out into the hallway. "If you need anything, Syn will take care of it."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"You'll learn." And with that, Lucifer vanished. Sunnova bitch could teleport. Adam fucking called it. That was fine. Adam didn't particularly want to spend any more time with his new captor than he had to. So, he was happy to start wandering the halls. There were a lot of rooms, and it seemed like Hell was allergic to the concept of a map, so Adam just started opening doors at random.

Bathroom.

Good start.

Closet.

The fuck was a closet doing there?

Bedroom. Oh, look they did exist.

"..." Adam stopped for a moment. Hand still on the door. He had the unmistakable feeling of being followed, the hair on the back of his neck stood up, his wings fluttered and fluffed up a bit as he looked behind him.

Nothing.

"I know you're there!"

Nothing.

"..." Adam narrowed his eyes, still looking behind him as he closed the door slowly. He turned back around.

"Boo."

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Adam fell backward as he had ended up face-to-face with a blue skinned, red headed, Hellborn with massive black ram horns. He was a tall, well-built monstrosity with sharp teeth and a tail that towered over Adam, even before he had fallen on his ass.

"Oh man, you shoulda seen your face!" The Hellborn laughed before offering Adam a hand to help him up. Adam knocked it away, choosing to get back up on his own, dusting his robe off indignantly.

"I wasn't fucking scared just so you know. I was simply startled. There's a massive difference."

"Yeah okay." The Hellborn chuckled to himself. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, newbie."

"You were most terrified!" Finally, Adam heard that woman's voice again. He had a chance to see Lucifer's weird new playing. Except... Adam didn't see any sexy lady Hellborns around.

"He was, Syn. You did a very good job." The Hellborn folded his arms, leaning in the doorway.

"Syn? Where is Syn. Lucifer said I was supposed to: ask Syn if I had any questions. And if Syn is some hot ass bitch and Lucifer is holding out on me, I am going to mcfucking lose my shit." Adam looked all around, but the male Hellborn stopped him, sliding his hand under Adam's Halo to grab his head and turn it by force.

"Syn's a lady, but she's not a hot ass bitch, my dude. She's more like... an elegant young woman." The Hellborn gestured forward,

"Aww thank you!" There was the voice again, but all Adam was looking at was a flying cylinder with little lights that flared up and pulsed in perfect synchronization with the woman's voice.

"That's Syn."

"What... behind the cylinder?" Adam swiveled his one good eye to try and look at the Hellborn holding him.

"I am the cylinder!" It turned out the cylinder had little translucent wings, as it decided to fly directly into Adam's face, bumping against his nose. "I am Syn! I am Lucifer's number one assistant!"

"I'm Lysander, Lysander Warson." The Hellborn released Adam's head and instead offered his hand forward. "I'm Security. What did the big boss saddle you with?"

"Yeah, I'm actually here as part of a whole thing he's doing." Adam began. "He really didn't give me a position-"

"My files indicate that he is the maid."

"Oof, maid." Lysander opened the door to the bedroom Adam had just closed, flipping on the light to reveal all the ducks overflowing over the bed. "That's a rough one, my dude. Good news is: Boss doesn't really care. You can kinda do whatever you want so long as you're not actively in his way." That was actually good to hear because Adam- sure as shit- wasn't about to be picking up all Lucifer's fucking crap. He made the mess; he can clean it.

"What do you two want anyway?" Adam looked between the Hellborn and the cylinder. Was she supposed to be like... Metatron? If so, the attempt was, honestly, pretty pathetic since she didn't even have a fucking face.

"One of us! One of us!" Syn began bumping into Adam's cheek over and over again in excitement.

"We're going to initiate you into the mansion staff, my dude." Lysander patted him on the back with such force Adam stumbled forward.

"Just the two of you?" Adam looked between them skeptically. One dude and a half-finished robotics project were not much of a welcoming committee as far as Adam was concerned.

"Well yeah, we're literally the entire staff. Me, you, Syn- and well there's Quackers, but there was no way we were getting him out of the kitchen for this and I am not pissing him off again."

"Who-?" Adam started to ask but Lysander cut him off, leaning on Adam's shoulder, gesturing off with one arm.

"We'll get to him on our tour. Don't you worry."

"Tour?"

"Yes! Now that you are staff like us, you must have the big tour!"

"Syn is very excited, this is something we've been working on, just on the off-chance Boss man ever hired anyone else." Lysander gave a quick shrug. "And he did! Look at that! I owe Syn ten dollars."

"I except cash as well as VOX-MO."

"You won fair and square." Lysander shook his head for a moment before immediately brightening. "But enough about my financial loss-" he lowered his voice leaning down to Adam's ear, "seriously though, don't make bets with her she will fucking take all your money." He straightened back up. "It's tour time!"

"Hurray! Tour time!"

"Let's fucking go, newbie!" Lysander started pushing Adam down the hall. "You're probably looking for a usable bedroom. There really aren't any, but the better options are all on the second floor."

"Plus, they have the bigger beds."

"Why are you guys doing this?" Adam wasn't sure if this was leading up to some kind of trick and he was about to wake up in a bathtub full of ice and missing a kidney.

"One of us! One of us!"

"You're part of the staff now, new guy. And we are kind of an exclusive group."

"I have a fucking name, you know." Adam was half-led, half-dragged up the staircase to the second floor.

"His name is: Adam Don't Run or Adam Come Back. I am unclear on which." The mechanical mess of an invention spoke up, hovering far too close to Adam's face for comfort.

"It's Adam. Just Adam."

"Adam just Adam."

"No, fucking listen-"

"Dude," Lysander cut him off. "You gotta be real straight with Syn. She's learning she constantly takes things at face value." He turned to Syn. "His name is Adam."

"Adam!" She repeated it happily. "Hello Adam! You are one of us!"

"So, is she like... a Sinner? Or a Hellborn? Or like... what exactly is she?" Adam knew that Sinner forms could be really fucking weird but the idea that one had just materialized as a fucking light-up cylinder with wings seemed like a stretch even for Hell. (What sort of crimes could she have committed on Earth to be denied the existence of arms in the afterlife?)

"I am not any of those! I am just Syn! Syn like: Synthetic, Sinner, or Cinderella! I hope that clarifies things a little more for you!"

"No! The opposite, in fact because those are all different spellings!"

"Yeah, she gave me that same speech when I first got here. Boss-Man made her so I asked him about it, and apparently it's Syn: S.Y.N. and you think it would be in all caps, but it's not." Lysander gave a little shrug. Adam squinted at Syn, so she was created by Lucifer. What a very strange series of choices the devil had made with this diabolical creation.

"If you say my name in all caps, I will feel like you are yelling at me."

"I know, buddy." Lysander patted Syn on the top of her cylinder with a massive, clawed hand. "Now this first room once you make it up the stairs, it's a utility closet. Not much to it." Lysander opened the door to show Adam a bunch of disorganized junk covering what looked to be rather important switches and wires. "Then you have my room." There was a little plaque with Lysander W. inscribed clearly on the metal. "If you need anything, you can find me in here. Sometimes. I actually wander around quite a bit." Lysander opened the door to show Adam a fairly basic room with a bed, a desk, its own bathroom, it wasn't half bad.

"Do all the rooms look like that?"

"Most do. There are key differences here and there." He closed the door. "This next room belongs to Quackers, but he's almost never in there. I can't show it to you because he doesn't like anyone messing with his things."

"Who the fuck is Quackers?" That was the second time Adam had heard that name come up.

"We'll get there. He's on the tour." Lysander dismissed the question for the time being. "Then we have some closets, some vacant rooms with bathrooms, and then we have Charlie's old room. That is major off limits. So do not go in there."

"Why?" Adam looked at the door with Charlie in rainbow letters over the top. It didn't really scream Hell at him.

"Boss's orders, dude. We don't really question it. Not our place, not paid to care." Lysander skipped over the door moving on. "We have Syn's room over this way."

"Syn gets her own room?" Adam looked at the cylinder. She quickly buzzed away from his head flying excitedly to the door. There was a little piece of notebook paper taped over the door with squiggles in crayon on it that, if Adam squinted and tilted his head just the right way, did look a bit like the letters S, Y, and N.

"I made my own sign!"

"We taped a crayon to her so she could. We have fun here." Lysander seemed rather amused by the whole thing. Adam could think of several snide comments about the sign but given that it didn't seem like Syn was very old (and it was probably difficult to write her name without limbs) he decided to keep his opinion to himself. "You'll have to open the door for her so she can get in and out. If you hear tapping, that's her."

"So, are you like... a child? Or a cat?" Adam was getting mixed signals about what Syn was supposed to be. Lucifer hadn't been super clear with the villainous intent on this particular creation.

"I am a Syn!" She flew in as Lysander opened the door. The room looked very similar to Lysanders, but had a collection of crayons, markers, glitter, and paints. Adam wasn't sure why they even had this shit in Hell, or why Syn would have it since she had no way of using it, but she sounded rather proud of it. She flitted about, over the discarded craft supplies. "I have collected these over the years, but you may borrow them if you wish!"

"Yeah okay." Adam simply nodded, picking up a blue marker. Maybe he could draw a dick on the walls or something later to piss off Lucifer. (He was surprised Syn was into sharing but it seemed as if she wasn't natural to Hell so maybe she hadn't yet learned how to be a selfish, worthless prick.)

"Next up is Boss's room, but we can't go in there." Lysander waited till Adam and Syn were back out in the hallways before closing the door. "He is a very private man."

"Pfft." Adam snorted. "I wouldn't want to go in there anyways it probably smells like crime and sadness."

"Can't say. He says to stay out and I do. He signs my paychecks." Lysander shrugged. "There's a massive bathroom next to it, the master bathroom, but again, can't go in there. That's for the King only. So that's pretty much everything up here. You can have any of the rooms between mine and Syn's that aren't taken."

"Hmm..." Adam walked the hall for a moment, opening all the doors. All the rooms had ducks in them that he would need to move. But that was just consistent between all the rooms. He found one diagonal to Lysander that was about as far away from Lucifer as he could get without losing access to a connected bathroom. "This one. It's pretty much the best option." He opened the door, walking in shoving all the ducks off of the bed kicking them around to make a clear path. He flopped backward on the bed, hearing faint squeaking, he sat up, pulled the blankets back, and shoved even more ducks onto the floor. How did they even get under the covers?

"You need a sign!" Syn sounded rather excited. "I can help if you want-"

"I got it." Adam got to his feet, pushing past the other two as he walked into Syn's room, grabbing a piece of paper and using his borrowed blue marker to write: Dickmaster on the paper. He grabbed some tape and put it next to the door. "See?"

"I think it requires stickers." Syn didn't sound all that impressed. "Is that your last name?" His sign was being judged by a trashcan with fairy wings, un-fucking-believable. How could Syn even see his sign to judge it. She didn't even have eyes.

"No, I don't actually have a last name." Adam couldn't believe he was taking the time to explain this. It felt like something she should already know. Didn't Lucifer explain who Adam was to everyone on his staff?

"Everyone has a last name. Lysander's is Warson, Quackers is his last name, his first name is Darrell, and mine is Stop That."

"Is it?" Adam looked over at Lysander for confirmation.

"I think her last name is Morningstar but she's pretty much got the rest of that right."

"Well, I don't have one." Adam pointed to his sign. "This is a nickname because I am great at fu-" He stopped for a moment looking at Syn. It felt really weird to boast his sexual prowess to a fucking sentient thermos. "I just don't have a last name. It's just a thing."

"That is weird. You are a strange Sinner."

"I'm strange?" Adam gestured dramatically to himself. "You're a fucking flying soup can that doesn't even have any soup in it!"

"Speaking of soup, you should see the kitchen." Lysander intervened. He kept the door to Adam's room open until Adam and Syn were both outside. They headed back down the stairs. Adam stopped for a moment to lean over the banister and use the maker Syn had lent to him to draw a goatee and mustache on Lillith in the family portrait of the Devil, his daughter, and Adam's bitch of an ex-wife. He hurried back to join the group before Lysander took note of him lagging behind. They reached the kitchen, which had large, sweeping double doors, the kind that could swing in either direction. Lysander put a clawed finger to his lips, and carefully pressed one of the doors open just enough for Adam to see a beautiful, ornate kitchen. But it was hard to admire the craftsmanship because in the kitchen was a bright yellow duck the size of Sera, with red wheels on the bottom, that was pacing the room back and forth.

"The fuck is that?" Adam started talking but Lysander vigorously shushed him, trying to get him to lower his voice.

"That's Quackers. He stalks the kitchen."

"Is he the cook?" Adam craned his head to see inside more. There did seem to be a spatula sticking out from under one of the wings.

"Bro, I dunno." Lysander kept at a whisper. "But if you want a late-night snack from the fridge, you either gotta be really quiet or really fast." Adam craned his neck to get a better look. But, aside from the size, the wasn't really anything intimidating about Quackers. Especially because Lysander had to be only a tiny but shorter if not the same height.

"Why are you so afraid of this thing?" Adam spoke a little louder. Lysander vigorously tried to shush him again. "It looks lame!" Adam raised his voice even louder. Quackers stopped his pacing. The duck's head swiveled a perfect 180° degrees and Adam saw it looking directly at him. There was a horrible, ear-splitting, shrieking quack as the duck's head split open only to be replaced by an array of spinning knives surrounding a burning flame. "Holy fuck!" Adam tried to slam the door, but it being a swinging door, it swung back the other way, hitting him in the face. Lysander pulled Adam away.

"We should go."

"Sorry Quackers!" Syn called as the headless body drew closer and closer to the door every time it swung open. Adam could see the knives spreading out for more damage. He continued back up, but as quackers reached the doorway, he came to a stop. The head returned, and he went back to pacing.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT!?" Adam shrugged Lysander off of him and gestured wildly at the door, which was almost, finally, closed once again.

"Quackers. We warned you to be quiet."

"He is very grumpy."

"That he is, Syn." Lysander patted her on the top of her little cylinder. "But he doesn't leave the kitchen, so your safe now."

"Why does he have that!? What purpose does it serve!?" Outside of the obvious purpose of making Adam miserable. But he doubted Lucifer had that sort of forethought when he created the quacking abomination.

"Dunno man, I just work here." Lysander gave a shrug, his tail swishing. "Welp, no use dwelling on it. You learned a valuable Quackers-related lesson today, and that's good enough for our Kitchen part of the tour."

"Quackers was made by the Boss like I was. But I think I am much more social."

"You are." Lysander gave Syn a thumbs up and Adam remained perplexed about whether or not Syn could actually see anything or if gestures were really just a waste. "Come on, you haven't seen the best stuff yet." Lysander led him further down the hall (Adam began trailing the marker on the already kinda dusty walls, what's a little more mess?) before opening a large door. Adam's face lit up.

"Hot damn there's a gym in this shit hole?"

"This shit hole as you call it, is actually prime fucking real estate in Hell. You shouldn't be so dismissive because I have lived here my whole goddamn life, and this is the best gig I can ask for. We don't even really have to do our jobs half the time because Boss-Man pays us absolutely no attention. Like, you do the bare minimum, and you get to live here and have access to all his shit. Except the west wing. But I'm not gonna risk the sweet ass job for some dusty abandoned hallway."

"What kinda shit?" Adam was only half listening to Lysander's rant. He was more interested in examining all the gym equipment. "No fucking way that any of this shit is Lucifer's. I doubt that guy could bench a wet paper bag."

"Actually, he's the strongest being in Hell. Pretty sure he could like... make my head explode by thinking about it. But nah this isn't his stuff. It's mine. I've been sneaking in the equipment bit by bit to see if he notices. It's become kind of a game seeing how much more fucking insane I can make the things I bring before he catches on." Lysander gestured at all the equipment which ranged from basic weights to an entire chest press machine and treadmill.

"You snuck all this past him?" Adam put his hands on his hips, surveying his new favorite area of the house. "Am I allowed to use it too?"

"Sure thing man, I let Syn use it too when she wants."

"I like to use the free weights!"

"And your wings are getting so fucking swol." He patted Syn before turning back to Adam. "Like I said, this was more of a social experiment. I'll show you what else I've gotten in here." Lysander gestured for Adam to follow him. The Fallen Sinner begrudgingly left the gym to follow Lysander to the next room. He threw the door open and...

"A fucking Movie theater?" Adam blinked at the large screen, multiple seats, projector, and popcorn machine that occupied the next room over.

"Every fucking one of these seats I have brought in- while he was home too. This is all while he's home, it's cheating if he's away." Lysander seemed proud of his work. Adam had to admit he was impressed. Perhaps he'd been too quick on his call to slaughter Hellborns alongside their Sinner counterparts. Lysander was making a very powerful argument in favor of Hellborn kind.

"Sometimes I act as a distraction!"

"And you're a damn good distraction." Lysander winked at Syn who did a happy little flip in return. "Come see the next one." Lysander closed the door and brought Adam one room over and...

"A bowling alley!? How the fuck!?"

"This one took almost all my time. I had to get some outside help. I just told the boss I had old college friends over. But he didn't even look up." Lysander let the door close again. "And I do actually have friends over sometimes. So long as they stay on the first floor and out of the west wing, Boss-Man doesn't give a shit. Ah fuck, speaking of work." Lysander's crimson and black eyes were looking at the window in the back hall. He snapped and an icy looking sniper rifle appeared out of a burst of flame (though Adam noticed the room felt colder, not hotter). He walked to the window, cracking it open, his tail swished, he cocked his head and squinted for a moment before firing a single shot. Adam ran to the window just in time to see something small and sparking crash toward the ground in the very far distance. "Fucking Vox drones."

"Dude that was pretty fucking cool. Not gonna lie." Adam could use this guy as an Exorcist- if it weren't for the fact that he was a Hellborn, and therefore not as innately skilled as his army.

"Usually they don't get too close, but sometimes Vox gets ballsy and I gotta shoot 'em down. I also shoot would-be looters and stuff. It's a pretty fun job. Super easy though because the house has a whole bunch of bullshit magic protecting it. But I like what I get to do."

"Maybe I can join you on security. I mean, I'll probably outrank you because I used to be a general. But I'll still let you pretend to be in charge when Lucifer comes by so that you keep your same pay." Adam very much wanted a chance with that sniper rifle. It was so clear he could see the innerworkings.

"You are a maid. Not security."

"I am not a fucking maid."

"Like I said man, you don't actually have to do any of the work because he never checks on you, so do what you want. But I need this job. My dad was very insistent that I get it because it looks great on resumes. Come on, I'll show you the rest of the downstairs so you can get a basic idea of where shit is."

"So you can clean it!"

"Not gonna fucking happen." Adam flicked his middle finger up at Syn who had absolutely no reaction. At least, not one that Adam could ascertain. (Damn it Lucifer, at least get Syn some fucking googly eyes or something. There was no way to garner a reaction out of her like this.) He still kept making the occasional marks or dick-drawing on the wall while Lysander had his back turned. (The guy seemed cool enough, but he also seemed to respect Lucifer which was a bit of a letdown.)

"There's the pool, it's heated too. There's also a hot tub that is fucking awesome." Lysander led him to a glass door at the end of the hall. "And out here is the garden." He opened it and Adam was a bit taken aback with how beautiful and well-kept the garden was when compared with the rest of the house. There was a gazebo, ornate garden tables and chairs, even a small stage surrounded by the most beautiful flora Adam had seen since his time in the Garden.

"Okay... it's not... terrible." Adam was impressed but he would never admit it. (This might actually be his favorite place in the mansion- though not even torture could draw that confession from his lips.) All the flowers reminded him of his first home of a much happier time in his life... of loved ones from whom he was forever separated... it filled him with nostalgia and a heavy, almost overwhelming feeling of grief. It was so strange. Before waking up chained in a hotel room with Lucifer, a random Sinner, and his long-lost son- Adam hadn't really felt much of... anything. No... that wasn't exactly right either... he had definitely felt emotions- but they were almost... muted? (Maybe that was somehow just the nature of Heaven.)

"You okay man?" Lysander and Syn were staring at him. (At least Lysander was. Syn could have been looking at the fucking sky for all Adam knew.)

"Fucking fine, why? I was just comparing this sub-par little backyard to the gardens up in Heaven. I mean, it's... okay."

"Oh yeah, you're a Fallen. I suspected as much cause of the wings and the broken halo. But it seemed rude to ask. Ya know?" Lysander gave a shrug. "Don't get too many of you guys in Hell. But if you don't like the garden, take that up with Cain from Cain Organics. He does all the lawn work."

"This is the best fucking garden I have ever seen in my life. I was lying before. There isn't a single flaw."

"Well hot damn that's a change of heart." Lysander laughed.

"ADAM!" There was a shout from inside and Adam, Lysander, and Syn all went back into the mansion to see Lucifer looking quite frustrated gesturing to a rather well drawn penis wearing Lucifer's top hat. "The fuck is this!?"

"Dickcifer." Adam didn't miss a beat.

"Really man?" Lysander gave him a look. He didn't seem as amused by Adam's (clearly hilarious) joke. (Syn probably found it funny. If she had a face, she would be laughing her nonexistent ass off.)

"What? I was just decorating."

"I let you live here, I protect you, and you draw on my fucking walls!?" Lucifer had his hat, jacket, and vest back, which was fine by Adam because just seeing him in the undershirt had been weird as fuck. "What are you, five!?"

"Oh, like they were that clean to begin with." Adam rolled his eyes. "If anything? I just increased the property value with my artistic contributions."

"That is because we only just got a maid."

"I'M NOT A FUCKING MAID!"

"Are you shitting me, Adam? This is my fucking house."

"I mean the house wasn't that impressive man. I'll be honest, I thought you were supposed to be the creative dreamer angel. This is all kinda basic. Outside of Quackers, who by the way, is actually fucking terrifying- so good Devil-ing on that one," Adam gave a small clap, "this looks like a knock-off of Heaven."

"It's a house Adam! The fuck are you expecting!? I'm not gonna keep a goddamn theme park or evil torture dungeon where I have to sleep." Lucifer looked thoroughly exasperated.

"The theme park is fucking baller though." Lysander piped up. Lucifer took a deep breath, seemingly trying to calm himself.

"Thank you, Lysander."

"Is it also just a bad rip-off of Promise land?" Adam smirked, folding his arms. Lucifer looked up, narrowing his eyes, meeting Adam's smug gaze. He slammed the bottom of his cane on the ground and tilted his hat up.

"Rip off!? HA! If anything, they copied me."

"Sounds like someone is desperately trying to not look pathetic, which isn't going great for you, if I'm being honest."

"Be prepared to eat those words motherfucker. You want to see something amazing!? Something Heaven can only dream of living up to!?" Lucifer threw up both arms and a rainbow appeared behind him that went up instantly in flames, sparkles raining down around him. "Lysander, Syn buckle up for a field trip because I'm taking my whole staff- minus Quackers so sorry Quackers but you are not ready for the outside- to Lu Lu World!"

[coraxonxcall]

I really love your fanfic and all the art you do for it? Do you take requests? I would love some art of syn, Lysander and Adam hanging out. Love to see that you’re posting on tumblr now too!

Why yes! I do requests, IC asks, and ooc asks for More to the story. GIMME STUFF TO DRAW! They are prolly watching a movie. Adam doesn't get it.

[coraxonxcall]

More to the Story: Chapter 9: Welcome to Hell Bitch

"You know, if you don't let me go, you're gonna be in some deep shit." Adam was in a bad mood. He was strung up, arms above his head, legs frozen beneath him, his mouth burned and tasted foul. He found himself staring down at the devil himself (who, for some reason was taking off his vest and burning it- maybe it was some kind of weird threat?). The room was a wreck, most likely typical of Hell. There was a heavy, noxious smelling black sludge caked over the floor. Figured the damned couldn't take care of things. That's why Hell was as fucking forgone as it was. "Sera is gonna be pissed."

"I don't think so. First of all," Lucifer looked toward him, putting the apple head of his staff under Adam's chin, "she thinks you're dead." He tilted Adam's face to look him in the eye. Everything looked a little off, a little flatter. Maybe it was just the poor lighting. Adam could just assume that Lucifer sucked the light out of any place he visited. "Secondly, you're not going anywhere, Adam. You're right where you belong. Down here with the rest of us."

"Bullshit." Adam would gladly have taken the opportunity to spit in his face, but his mouth was both dry and burning (and also, he was too far away.) "I am a Winner. I am favored in the eyes of Heaven. I have divine ordainment motherfucker so you can just choke on my dick and die."

"I saw your dick in Eden, Adam- remember? You were naked all the time. Anyway, if I'm being honest, it's hardly a choking hazard." Lucifer spoke entirely straight faced and Adam struggled harder against the restraints. If he could get free, he could finish the fight they had started. "Also, like I said: You're right where you belong."

"Don't fucking lie to my face. This is a kidnapping! You think Heaven is gonna stand for this!? They fucking love me up there! You thought the Exterminations were bad? Then you are gonna freak the fuck out over the armies Sera's gonna send to save me." Adam glowered at him. If he could escape his restraints, he would really make a point.

"I'm not lying." Lucifer leaned a bit closer, raising a hand up in the air. Adam followed it with his gaze unsure if he was about to pull out a weapon, and chop his head off while he was trapped. "You really don't get it, do you?" He smirked, as Adam pulled back a bit, uncertain of the devil's intentions. The hand above him moved. "Congratu-fucking-lations!" And threw a surprisingly large amount of confetti over Adam's head. "You fucked up enough, and now you're down here with the rest of us!"

"Liar!" Adam repeated, shaking his head to get the confetti out of his hair. "I've never done anything wrong in my whole fucking life. I'm literally perfect."

"You bit the forbidden fruit of knowledge." Lucifer again replied with a complete, deadpan expression. Adam's eyes narrowed.

"Not my fault, doesn't count."

"I mean it counted enough to get you kicked out of Eden." The devil winked, clicking his tongue and shooting finger guns in Adam's direction. It was almost impressive how Lucifer could somehow make that gesture look uncool. That had to be some kind of hidden talent. "But you know what? Heaven has a song, and I'm not one to be outdone." He snapped his fingers. "Hit it boys!"

Adam suddenly became aware of two other Sinners in the room with them. One looked like a pompous, smiling butler who didn't understand the definition of: too much red. (Though he did look kind if familiar. Had Adam fought him before? His memory was a bit hazy.) The other looked like an edgy motorcycle riding gargoyle who never grew out of his 'my parents don't get me' phase. (Though there was an even stronger sense of familiarity about him that made Adam's stomach churn.) The two Sinners exchanged a look at Lucifer's command.

"The fuck is he talking about?" The attention seeking gargoyle asked. (Oh, that voice... that was... almost painfully familiar. Where had Adam heard it before?)

"I have no idea. I just assumed this was something you two had worked out. " The monocle wearing theme park employee replied with a permanent smile. Fucking weirdo.

"Listen, I have no idea what he-" the gargoyle didn't have a chance to finish (the familiarity of his voice was driving Adam crazy) because at that moment, music started to play from... somewhere and the Devil launched into a half-assed rip off of the 'Welcome to Heaven' song that Saint Peter had created.

"Welcome to hell, bitch~ oooh" Lucifer started to sing. "Where the rest of us reside!

A rotting dark ditch, ooooh

Where Heaven left your ass to fry!

You fell from grace right on your face, from heaven you're cast out

That's what this song's about!

Welcome to hell, bitch! Ooooh

I can see you start to cope!

But now you're stuck here! Ooooh~

And ye can just abandon hope~

You broke our little contract when you went on the attack,

And now you can't go baaaaaack~"

"I'm so confused, like did this need a fucking song?

God damn it, Lucifer, how did you make me sing along!?" Now the gargoyle was singing too. What an annoyingly unexpected twist.

"It seems to me that no one's coming,

So please don't make a fuss." Great now they were all singing.

"The consequences of your actions have trapped you here with us!

Welcome to hell, bitch!" Lucifer's dramatic finish included more confetti, balloons, and a dramatic, illuminated sign reading: You're here forever!

"Fuck you." Adam did finally manage to spit onto Lucifer's hat, spraying it with flecks of blood. Lucifer's smile fell as he took the hat off, examining it.

"That was uncalled for. I sang you a song and everything."

"Well, you're wrong. I am not supposed to be here. I didn't Fall. You clearly abducted me to use me as a bargaining chip for Heaven because I'm so important." Adam's jaw clenched as he glared at the being in front of him, the creature of pure evil and hate.

"I swear it's like you didn't even listen." Lucifer sighed as he shook his hat until a full-sized mirror fell out of it in front of the trapped angel. "See for yourself, fucker." Adam squinted. He saw himself, strung up in a mix of tentacles and stone. He was no longer in his battle gear, but rather back in his white robe, but the symbol on his chest was upside down. Though that was far from the most shocking thing. His coloring was split down the middle, skin, hair, even wings- half white, half black. One eye was pale, glowing, completely white, the other was a dark, empty black with a single glowing golden orb that moved as Adam looked desperately around. His halo... his halo was shattered in pieces that still floated around his head, even that was split down the middle in color. On one side of his face, he could see his teeth had grown sharp, the other side of his mouth seemed to just be a white, glowing void. He ran his tongue along his teeth- ow- they were sharp, and it definitely seemed as if he had all his teeth though he could only see half of them.

"What the fuck did you do to me!?" Adam's heart beat faster, he struggled harder against his restraints.

"That's the neat thing about Falling~" Lucifer put his clawed finger between Adam's eyes and poked him. "You did it to yourself!" Adam realized when the finger drew close, he couldn't see it fully. He hesitated, closing each eye in turn and-

Fuck.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY EYE YOU BASTARD SNAKE!?"

"You're eye?" Lucifer looked confused. "Oh shit, you're blind in that eye now, aren't you?" He put his hand on the black, silhouetted side of Adam's face. Sure enough, he tried to look for it, but he couldn't see a thing out of his right eye. "You know, I suspected as much? But it's nice to get some confirmation." He laughed, clapping his hands together, hat tucked under his arm. "Guess you know how Vaggie feels now, huh? And eye for an eye you little shit!"

"No, this is some kind of fucking mistake. I did everything I was supposed to- I am a God damned hero." This was the Devil's trickery. There was no way this was Adam's reality. This was either some fucked up nightmare (which was par for the course, recently) or this was an elaborate trick by the Fallen Morning Star to get some sick revenge on him.

"I mean you got the God damned part right." Lucifer laughed again. "Look at you! The golden child, the First Man, the original Dickhead finally getting his much-needed comeuppance! What a fucking happy day in Hell!" More confetti and balloons rained on Adam's head. "You have no idea how many Sinners are gonna want a piece of you. You are a wanted man, Adam, and I do not mean that in a good way." Lucifer's mouth curled into a smug smile as he leaned back in the air as if it were some kind of throne. "And I get to throw you to those wolves and enjoy the shitshow! Finally, Lucifer gets a win!" He took his hat to put it back on his head, but he paused mid gesture. His gold and crimson eyes widened for a moment and suddenly all the snide confidence melted away in an instant. "Oh no no no no no, are you fucking kidding me!?" The hat went up in flames. "The fuck did you do on your way down!?"

"The fuck did I do!?" Adam parroted back at him. "The fuck did you do to me to trap me here!?"

"I fixed this. You should be fine, you're talking, you're not screaming and trying to bite people, you're intolerable- but that's just your shitty personality..." Lucifer was starting to pace back and forth. The two Sinners watching him, the smiley, posh looking dude seemed rather amused, while they stoney, but familiar Sinner in the leather jacket just kept looking uncomfortable.

"Wow, fucking rude." Adam scoffed. "I am a goddamn delight. Just because I'm charming and not built like a knock off build-a-bear doesn't mean you can project your many insecurities onto me."

"Nope. Not doing this. This isn't my problem. You're not my problem." Lucifer went to the bed and pulled the plush comforter off of it.

"The fuck are you doing?" Adam tried to pull back as Lucifer approached him, blanket draped over his arm.

"You'll be fine. It's just gonna make you think it's nighttime." And with that, Lucifer tossed the blanket over Adam's head. "It's an angel thing."

"THAT'S FUCKING BIRDS YOU ASSHOLE!" Adam tried to get free as the tentacles released him only for his arms to get trapped under the blanket. He got lifted up and flung over Lucifer's shoulder (at least that's who he assumed had lifted him, as he could feel the claws through the fabric. He was a bit surprised his head wasn't hitting the ground.) "LET ME GO!" He started trying to kick, trying to flare out his wings, the right wing was doing fuck all, and the left wing was still trapped in the fabric. He felt an extreme burst of heat on his face before he felt movement.

"Dad? What are you doing?" The voice of that annoyingly perky princess could be heard from outside Adam's prison.

"Oh, hi Honeycrisp!" The closeness of Lucifer's voice confirmed that's who was carrying Adam like a sack of potatoes. "I'm just taking Adam outside really quickly. We won't be long! Also, do me a favor and lock that room no one goes in there for three days. Pretty please, if you don't mind. Toodaloo~"

"What?" The princess sounded confused.

"Don't you worry about a thing. I have this all under control!" If Lucifer was trying to sound convincing, it was failing rather epically.

"He set that whole room on fire; you know."

"He what?!" So that's what that burst of heat had been. It seemed princess what's-her-name hadn't been privy to what happened in the room where Adam had been taken prisoner.

"It's fine. It will be fine, it's just a bit of a biohazard." Lucifer tried to explain himself, but Adam was at his limit.

"HE'S HOLDING ME HOSTAGE! YOU'RE ALL ABOUT HELPING AND SHIT! SO, HELP ME!" He tried again to free himself, but the devil had him in a death grip. He was shockingly strong for such a small guy.

"Dad-"

"Ignore him!" Lucifer laughed. "He's just cranky."

"I mean if you take him, you take him." Adam heard Vagie's voice. Finally! Someone he knew!

"VAGIE! IT'S ME YOUR OLD COMMANDER!"

"It's Vaggie."

"What the fuck ever just GET ME OUT OF HERE!" There was a moment of silence in response to Adam's command before Vagie- or fucking Vaggie or whatever- finally spoke.

"So, are you gonna kill him? Tell me you're gonna kill him."

"TRAITOR!"

"Ugh, not yet." Lucifer sighed. "Not for lack of desire, but things got a little... complicated. Maybe later though."

"I'll help you." Vaggie spoke up quickly.

"You- fuck you too bitch! AHH!" Adam was suddenly on the move again as he heard a door open, and the rotting smell of brimstone tried to assault his nostrils through the thick fabric of the comforter.

"Don't worry, crabapple! Daddy has a very good plan to handle this." He heard Lucifer speak before suddenly the comforter was yanked off and Adam was flung high into the sky in one fell swoop. This was quite the throw, he went flying straight up toward the beautiful light of Heaven. But it was not actually a straight shot between Heaven and Hell, Adam knew this. But knowing it was coming didn't soften the blow as Adam smacked his face directly into the invisible barrier in the sky.

"Mother fu-" Adam spread his wings, if he could get to the door to Purgatory, he could get back to Sera, to Heaven. His wings flapped desperately as he started to fall. The white wing was working, but the black one- he could move it, feel it flapping- but the air just wouldn't catch, meaning he didn't fly so much as he fell sloppily, while spinning in a circle. Before he crashed into the ground he was caught by the back of his robe. He looked up to see Lucifer, wings out, holding him just inches from the ground. It was clearly a clone because Lucifer was also standing in front of him looking pissed.

"Okay Heaven! You're not fucking funny! Take your rabid dog back!" He wasn't looking at Adam, but rather above him. "We don't want him!" The clone holding him vanished and Adam Fell on his face.

"The fuck happened to my wings!?" He started to get to his feet before one of the tentacles from earlier erupted from the ground, wrapping around his waist. The smiling Sinner put a hand on Lucifer's shoulder, gesturing to Adam.

"I think you didn't throw him hard enough, may I?"

"If you don't put me the fuck dow-" Adam started to talk but Lucifer cut him off.

"Have at it."

"YOU COCKSUCKER!" Adam was thrown directly upward again. This time he knew it was coming so he readied himself to grab onto the entrance to Purgatory. Idiots. They were helping him escape. He used his one good wing to try and stabilize, it wasn't going to work great but it was something. All he had to do was open the door and-

Fuck.

Where was the door?

Adam had flown this route many times. He knew where the door was. At least... he should... Adam tried to think on it, but his head started to hurt, something wet started to drip out of his nose- and then he smacked face first into the barrier again. Damn he thought he had avoided that.

He fell back down only to be caught by the clone again.

"Well damn. I really thought I could send him back."

"You tried, and I respect that." Lucifer nodded to the Sinner before Adam was dropped on his face again.

"STOP FUCKING THROWING ME!" Adam got back to his feet, he was dizzy, but that might have been from the head trauma. Lucifer looked at him and frowned.

"Stop throwing him. He busted his fucking nose." Lucifer snapped and a mask wrapped around Adam's face. Adam started to try and pry it off, but it wasn't budging. Lucifer waved his hand and the droplets of blood on the ground vanished in a flash.

"Let me throw the angel!" The voice made Adam jump as he saw a small, one-eyed creature with fiery red hair staring up at him with her singular eye sparkling. "I already stabbed it!" She reached up toward him with grabby little hands and Adam backed away. His memory was a bit fuzzy but seeing her made his heart sink into his stomach. She grabbed the fabric of his robe and he screamed.

"Niffty!" The Princess picked her up quickly before she could get a good hold on Adam. He continued to back away.

"Go back inside," Lucifer nodded to the one-eyed abomination. "You're scaring him and he's already enough of a bitch without the added irritation of him being jumpy." He had the gall to look annoyed. The tiny creature curtsied before scurrying back into the hotel and Adam relaxed a bit, only to jump again as Lucifer continued shouting at the glowing form of Heaven in the sky. "I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT RIGHT NOW! OR EVER! IF YOU'RE SO FUCKING ALL-POWERFUL YOU HANDLE THIS SHIT!"

"Dad, what are you doing?" The princess and Vaggie were both outside too at this point. Adam had to assume everyone had just woken up because outside of Lucifer, the gargoyle, and the game show host, the others were in pajamas. Adam was annoyed to see that Vaggie looked fucking amused by everything.

"I think he's having a mental breakdown." The stoney faced Sinner had his hands in his pockets, watching everything with an unreadable expression. Adam wanted to hear him talk more, that voice was driving him crazy. He knew it. He knew that voice and the fact that he couldn't think of it was making him feel sick.

"No, I am just trying to return the broken merchandise to Heaven." Lucifer gestured at Adam. "But it appears as if they aren't taking returns at the moment." He turned back to the sky. "YOU COULDN'T EVEN BUY ME DINNER BEFORE YOU FUCKED ME, SERA!? I THOUGHT HEAVEN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE CLASSY." He picked a rock up off the ground and threw it at the sky. "FUCK YOU GUYS! DEAL WITH YOUR OWN GODDAMN PROBLEMS!"

"I can't believe I am actually getting to see an old man yelling at a cloud. I thought it was just a joke, but here we are." The Sinner sounded amused. Lucifer scoffed.

"Shut up, Cain."

Adam's blood froze in his veins. His eyes widened as he stared at the man made of stone. For a moment, he envisioned him with skin, more well-kept hair, two eyes... Cain. His son. How the fuck had he not recognized him!? His head was starting to hurt, but he ignored it as he felt a bit of panic set in. "Cain..." Adam repeated his name and his eldest son glanced over at him. He saw Cain instantly tense.

"Oh fuck no. No. Nope. No way. Don't Look at me." He started to back up, away from Adam, inching toward the Hotel door.

"Cain... wait." Adam tried to go toward him. "You shouldn't be here... you're supposed to be safe. They told me you would be safe- You aren't supposed to be out on Extermination Day." Adam had never seen his son's Sinner form before. The rocky exterior didn't make him feel great as it reminded him of the worst day of his life. But that was still his son.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Cain was still backing away from him. "I told you if he tried to talk to me, I was fucking out of here." He looked over at Lucifer who sighed, nodding his head.

"You're dismissed."

"Bye bitches." Cain started to crumble to pieces; Adam watched in horror as his son started to fall apart in front of him.

"CAIN! FUCK!" Adam ran forward grabbing the bits of rubble that lingered on the ground where Cain once stood. "SHIT! FUCKING DO SOMETHING!"

"Chill the fuck out, asshole, that's just him moving underground." Lucifer stood behind him examining his claws.

"Nice of you to give a shit now though." Cain's voice spoke beneath Adam, and he jumped. A hand of stone formed on the pathway in front of Adam and raised the middle finger. "FUCK OFF DAD!" And the hand vanished.

"Cain hates me." Adam stumbled back, falling on his ass, as the realization started to sink in. His oldest, his first child, the first real happiness he had felt outside of Eden, and it had crumbled to pieces right in front of him. "I can't believe he hates me... what did I do!?" He was answered with only silence as those around him exchanged glances.

"Is that a serious question?" Vaggie raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, no. Thinking about it now, I think I can get why he might be upset." Adam's head felt... strange. Perhaps it was just the shock of seeing what had become of his son, but he didn't feel... right. He stayed on the ground, staring at where Cain had vanished. He could hear an annoying ringing in his ears. That fucking tinnitus was back. Awesome. It was drowning out whatever bitching Lucifer and his little daughter were doing. Adam didn't care enough to try to listen. It's not like the Damned ever said anything important.

"Adam?" He could hear his name being said behind him, but he didn't feel like moving. He looked at his hands, examining the new coloration. There were small, almost unnoticeable little cracks on his fingers- white on the black hand, black on the white hand. He put his hand on the ground and it stung to put any pressure on them.

Damn. How was he supposed to play guitar if his hands hurt?

"Adam!" Lucifer pulled on his arm and Adam blinked. It took him a moment to respond, his body felt a bit heavy but he shook himself and snatched his arm out of Lucifer's grip.

"Don't fucking touch me, bitch."

"See Charlie? He's fine." Lucifer looked over at his daughter who looked unsure. "I am just going to take him back with me where he can't touch anyone, or annoy anyone, or cause any more issues. I will tell you what I know once this is all figured out. Shouldn't be long."

"I dunno dad," she looked unconvinced. "I really wish you could just tell me right now."

"Now now my little Ginger Gold, I can't give you answers I don't have." He picked the blanket up again. "But it won't be long before this is all behind us." He gave her a smile that Adam thought looked less reassuring and more panicked. But it seemed to appease the Princess.

"Okay. But I want a real explanation."

"Of course! Now, it's time for Adam to go night-night." Lucifer smiled at his daughter and Adam briefly felt a surge of envy. Why would anyone trust the fucking devil when his own son wouldn't talk to him?

"Wait, the fuck do you mean night-night?" Adam saw Lucifer coming toward him with that fucking comforter. "Oh hell no. I already am wearing this stupid mask. I am not going back in the blank-" before he could stop him, Adam was wrapped up in the blanket again like a fallen, angelic, cocoon. "GODDAMN IT STOP DOING THAT!"

"Oh, don't make such a fuss. You're fine. Just go to sleep."

"THAT'S BIRDS YOU DENSE ASS MOTHERFUCKER!" Adam started to thrash around inside his fluffy prison as he felt Lucifer take to the air. He could feel the wings smack him in the face, even through the blanket.

"Stop wriggling like that. I'll drop you."

"Last time you did this, you threw me into the fucking barrier." Adam retorted. The mask, combined with the blanket, was a little stifling.

"I was trying to give you back. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yeah, but you know you can't just throw me into Heaven. Purgatory still exists, dumbass."

"It was worth a shot. It's not like it damaged anything of value."

"I think you gave me a concussion."

"I stand by what I said."

"Why do I have to be in the blanket? You know I'm not gonna actually go to sleep, right?"

"I can't have you bleeding everywhere. You're a fucking toxic bitch right now and I am not about to let you fuck over Hell any more than it already is." He could feel Lucifer land. The resonance of his voice altered, and Adam knew they were inside now.

"Excuse you?"

"Lysander, Syn." Lucifer ignored him. "I will be in my workshop. Don't bother me."

"HEY OTHER PEOPLE! I AM A HOSTAGE GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Adam didn't know who Lysander and Syn were- but he figured he might try one more time to escape.

"As you wish, your highness." A male voice responded with absolutely no regard for Adam or his plight.

"Your blanket is very upset." That voice was female, though it sounded a bit... tinny. It reminded Adam slightly of how the Metatron sounded when she spoke.

"You can ignore the blanket. It's just venting."

"Don't ignore me! I am literally a prisoner!"

"As you wish, Master!" Master? Damn. Lucifer was a kinky bitch if he had some chick calling him master publicly. But Devil or not- Adam wasn't about to kink-shame.

"Thank you. You're both dismissed." Lucifer started walking again.

"You're both fucking terrible for leaving me!" Adam called after the two disembodied voices.

"Sorry man, none of my business."

"My apologies angry blanket! I must obey orders!"

"They aren't going to do shit unless I tell them to, they work for me." Lucifer walked for a bit longer before Adam felt him stop. He heard the sound of vigorous shuffling followed by some oddly adorable squeaks? Before Adam was tossed on the ground. He struggled to get free of his blanket prison and finally managed to escape.

"Ha! Free at last! So, you take me to your workshop where you create all your fucked up forms if punishment." He had heard Lucifer say where they were headed. "Dis...gust...ing?" He blinked as he realized they were in a workshop, sure. It did have work benches, tools, a rolling chair, but there were also... ducks? Rubber ducks. There had to be hundreds of them in barrels all shoved haphazardly to the side. That explained the squeaking. "Okay, I'll admit it, I'm sure this is for some fucked up evil shit, but I'm struggling to see the vision." Lucifer glared at him as he took a seat in the chair facing Adam, hands folded in his lap.

"Don't look at those. They're not important." He looked surprisingly... serious. "What is important is you."

"I mean, I am pretty fucking important." Adam gave him a smug look, but Lucifer didn't really react, not even an eyeroll or an exasperated sigh.

"What did you do, Adam?"

"What kind of vague ass question is that? I've done lots of things." Adam could get up and run for the door, but curiosity kept him sitting on the ground looking up at Lucifer who was scrutinizing him.

"How long have you been Corrupted?"

"Corrupted? I am not fucking corrupted. I was actually a very good human. That's why I went to Heaven. You couldn't corrupt perfection~" Adam smirked at him. Lucifer didn't look annoyed so much as he did focused (which was annoying because Adam was very much trying to get under his skin).

"Not corrupted by me. Corrupted with a capital 'C'. Nothing to do with Hell."

"If it's bad, it has something to do with you."

"That is objectively false, but I don't have the time, and you don't have the attention span for me to sit here and explain everything to you."

"Wow okay. Fucking rude."

"Adam, right this very second, I am trying to have a serious conversation with you and you're looking at the ducks."

"No, I wasn't." Adam was, in fact, looking at the ducks. There were just so many and in such a variety. It was distracting! That wasn't his fault. If anything, Lucifer was to blame for having all these distracting things in a room in which he was trying to have a serious conversation.

"Look," Lucifer sighed, leaning back on his bench. "I know you're an idiot, but I'm begging you to try and understand the words I'm saying to you because this is really important. If it wasn't, I would be laughing my ass off while leaving you to the Sinners that you've fucked over."

"If you want me to listen, maybe start by not insulting me." Adam glared at him. To his surprise, Lucifer nodded his head rubbing the skin between his eyes. Did he always look so... tired? Adam kind of remembered him looking like a small, maniacal, cave troll constantly cackling and scheming about his next victim.

"You're right. I am just frustrated because I have to deal with all this shit and also because I hate you."

"Mutal." Adam nodded.

"There's no easy way to tell you this, so I'm just going to come out and say it." That was a weird way for Lucifer to start a sentence and Adam wasn't sure he liked it. "You're sick, Adam. You're actually ill. There is something wrong with you."

"I thought you weren't gonna insult me anymore."

"I'm not." Lucifer reached over, taking Adam's hand. Adam tried to pull back, but Lucifer held it palm up. "This is going to hurt." He took a claw and cut Adam's palm. It didn't hurt so much as it just stung, but Adam wasn't exactly thrilled about it. A small amount of golden blood dripped out of the cut.

"Why the fuck did you do that!? It hurt." Adam tried again to move his hand, but Lucifer held it tightly.

"Watch." Lucifer instructed. "And try not to keep wiggling. I've already lost my hat, my gloves, my jacket, and my vest to your toxic fucking blood. I'd rather you not splatter any more on me."

"What am I supposed to be watching? It's gold blood. I'm fucking holy; that's what it looks like."

"Actually, you're Fallen, but that's still what it looks like, so I'll let you off on a technicality." Lucifer had him in a death grip and they both sat there just staring at Adam's hand in uncomfortable silence.

"What exactly am I supposed to be watching for?"

"Look I don't know how long it takes, but I know it's gonna happen so, shush." Lucifer put a claw to his lip (though Adam could tell it wasn't the one he had used to cut his hand. That claw was being held out as if it had touched something disgusting.) Adam squinted at his hand.

"Will it just like... not happen if I talk? Why do I have to shush?"

"Because I'm trying to focus."

"On... my hand...?" Adam was getting bored. Whatever point Lucifer was trying to make didn't seem worth it.

"Adam, you need to understand how fucking serious this is- AH HA!" Lucifer's grip tightened and Adam's attention was brought back to the cut. The blood that had bubbled free of his skin was starting to turn a rather... disgusting looking black. "See that's not fucking normal." Adam felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Was...Lucifer actually telling the truth for once in his goddamn existence? Was something actually wrong with him? That was impossible- he had been in Heaven. Bad things didn't happen to people in Heaven, that was kind of the whole goddamned (God blessed?) point of the place.

"I was fine until I got here." Adam felt his heart start to race again. He felt queasy as he looked at the now black, viscous blood.

"No, that's the thing, I don't think you were fine. These symptoms suggest you've been sick for quite some time. I don't know what you did or how you even contracted this stupid thing, but luckily since you were a nearly unkillable angel, it's unlikely you spread it to anyone else. I say nearly because you did get stabbed to death by what basically equates to my daughter's hotel janitor."

"What are you talking about?!" Adam started breathing quicker, he tried again to pull back. "Y-you kidnapped me!"

"Wait..." Lucifer's expression seemed to soften for just a moment as he looked Adam up and down releasing his hand. "D... do you not remember dying?"

"I died forever ago, jackass." Adam felt a cold sweat start to bead on his skin, his heart was pounding, his mouth was hurting worse than before. "Hence the whole angel thing. I feel like you should know how that works."

"Yeah, no I got that." Lucifer gave him a look, but quickly softened his expression once again. Adam hated it. "Adam, the last Extermination Day, what do you think happened?"

"I... it's still happening?" Adam's head was spinning. No, it had definitely ended. Extermination Day was always such a fucking blur, from all the adrenaline and chaos. "I... you... kidnapped me... during the Exterminations..." That had to be right. Adam's hand went to the center of his chest. He didn't know why but he clutched the fabric of his robe, feeling his lungs start to constrict.

"Adam, calm down, just breathe."

"I am fucking calm!" Adam scooted back, away from Lucifer. He reached up, pulling at the mask over his face. Lucifer raised his hand.

"You can take it off, go ahead." And true to his word, the mask came off and Adam took a deep breath. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, he could see black smeared over the back of the pale, white flesh. Were his hands shaking or was he just imagining things?

"I don't want to be here." Adam got to his feet. There was that ringing in his ears again. He didn't know where he wanted to go, but he knew he couldn't be in this room any longer. Not with him.

"Adam, you can't go out and about in Hell. You could spread this to the Sinners. I think I can help you, but I need you to make a deal with me." Lucifer looked so fucking calm it made Adam's blood boil. Deal? Was he serious?

"You're shitting me. I'm not gonna enter a deal with you!" Adam backed up further. "Oh, I get it now!" Despite the ringing, Adam was starting to have a moment of clarity. "You're lying." He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "No, no, no I see it!" He started to laugh harder. "This is just some normal fucking thing that happens in Hell and you're just pranking me! Oh-ho! You almost had me, asshole- you were this fucking close!" He laughed harder, bordering on hysterics. Damn, he almost got fucking played by Lucifer of all beings. That would have been a tragedy. Lute would never have let him live it down.

"Adam, please..." Lucifer was still trying to milk this bit. It was almost sad. "You're panicking, I need you to take a deep breath and-"

"And what?" Adam cut him off. "Hear the rest of your lame ass practical joke? Make a deal with you so you can keep me out of Heaven? Let you fuck me over more than you already have!? I already caught on dude; you're fucking busted!" He put a hand on the door behind him.

"Don't run. I need you to make this deal for your own safety. I can help keep that Corruption at bay and you are not looked on favorably here. If you leave now, you might get hurt." Lucifer stepped toward him, Adam turned the knob, hand holding to it tightly.

"You think you can fucking keep me here against my will!? I'm the original man, bitch! The fucking model for humanity! You are just some past-his-prime, fired, imitation Archangel! You can't do shit to me."

"You're right. I can't force you into a deal. It has to be made of your own free will, but I'm telling you that it's the best choice."

"Yeah, that sounds really fucking believable. I can't believe I almost fell for this. EAT SHIT SATAN!" He flipped up his middle finger and threw the door open, sprinting full speed into the hall. There had to be an exit- wow there were ducks everywhere, Adam almost tripped over a few as he skidded through the corridor.

"Wait I'm not Satan and you know that!" He could hear Lucifer running after him. Yeah, Adam knew he wasn't Satan, but 'Eat shit Lucifer' didn't have the same alliterative ring to it. Adam had to find a way out, he was not about to be tricked again by that fucking snake. (Actually, that wasn't a fair comparison, snakes were pretty cool. They didn't deserve to be brought down by Lucifer's reputation, maybe he should have called him a: misshapen bag of feathers and eyes wrapped in an unconvincing suit of flesh. That was both more appropriate, and nicer to the snakes, who were innocent in all this.)

"Door, door, door where are you?" Adam mumbled to himself as he turned the corner, trying to outrun the devil himself. He could see the exit, luckily the house wasn't subtle, and the large arching doorway was rather indicative of an exit. "Gotchya!" Adam folded his wings so they wouldn't slow him down (as they had proved to be rather unreliable recently) and made a break for the door, throwing it open and taking off into the sweltering streets of Hell. (How did everyone wear long sleeves around here? It was actually hot as balls.) He didn't know where he was going. It's not like he really knew the layout. It wasn't something he ever felt it necessary to learn, as he was only down here once a year and he could get an idea of where things were from above. Of course, there was a lot more to Hell than just the Pride ring, but as that is where the Sinners were- that was the only ring he really cared to know.

Adam ran until he could barely see the house in the distance. He knew he was being followed, and he could guess Lucifer could probably teleport so Adam would need to get as much distance as possible. (It was a fucking cheap ass move to do that when Adam was on foot, but Lucifer was a cheater-so Adam wouldn't be surprised.) So, while he didn't have an exact destination in mind, he knew he just had to get far away. Maybe he could somehow get so lost Lucifer couldn't find him.

It wasn't long before he started to grow tired. That seemed... oddly quick. Was... something really wrong- no. No. This was just some sort of Hell fuckery. Some kind of trick so he would make the deal with Lucifer. He wasn't about to give him that fucking satisfaction. He could handle himself, goddamn it. Unfortunately for Adam, there wasn't a crazy number of Sinners out. The streets were busy enough, but nothing like what he was accustomed to seeing. But he also wasn't usually around at this time of day... at least he didn't think he was. (He actually had no idea what time it was, or how to even tell without a watch. It's not like there was really a sun to follow.)

"Gooood morning Hell!" Adam stopped as he heard someone talking. He saw TVs lined up in the window of a nearby store where two anchors were sitting at a desk in front of a logo displaying 666 News. "Three days since Extermination Day, and Hell is just a buzz with activity!" One anchor was clearly female, in a red dress, a necklace of pearls around an overly elongated neck. Her short blonde hair was expertly kept, her crimson eyes focused directly on the camera. Beside her was a man with perfectly groomed sandy hair wearing a full suit and a massive, creepy looking mask.

Three days? There... was no way. It couldn't have been that long... it felt like it had just happened.

"That's right, Katie!" The anchor in the gasmask replied with a voice that seemed to suggest he had an overly friendly sort of smile on his face, despite Adam not being able to see it. Damn, if anyone was sick in Hell, it had to be that guy, right? His whole fucking face was covered. Or maybe he was just ugly. That was one of Hell's biggest problems, so Adam couldn't be sure. "And we're here with all the latest information about how Hell is coping with its victory!"

Victory...?

"Coping is a terrible fucking word to use there, Tom. You are terrible at improv, so maybe stick to the script." Katie was still smiling but the tension in her voice carried clear over the television waves.

"I am actually great at improv, which you would know if you came to any of my performances, like you told Vox you were going to when you said you couldn't stay late the other night, but you were actually-."

"Improv is a fucking cult, Tom. If I knew I was going to die in the next Extermination I would spend the hour before watching your fucking performance because it would feel like a goddamn eternity." She shuffled the papers in her hand. "In other news: Hell's oldest citizen with the rock hard body was spotted out from his cave yesterday. Cain from Cain Organics was out and about sporting a new snake pet. I for one would love to see Cain's snake up close."

Cain Organics? White snake? (Wasn't that a band?)

There was a lot for Adam to process in that one sentence. There was a little logo that had a rock in the middle, surrounded by produce, and text reading Cain Organics wrapped around it. Did... did Cain have a fucking company here? Hot damn! His son was a big shot! Fuck yeah! Cain deserved it, he was one hell (no pun intended- or... well... pun slightly intended) of a farmer. These Sinners were fucking lucky to eat what Cain grew. His joy was short lived as the image shifted to one of his son with that fucking asshole wrapped around him in the form of a snake. Why couldn't it have been the fucking band!? Lucifer had a lot of gall to hang around Adam's son. If that fucker did catch up with Adam, he would need to punch him in the face.

But this gave him an idea (other than the face-punching one). He could find Cain! Talk to him. Clearly his son was not in the best of moods when they had talked earlier, but that was probably Lucifer's fault. All he needed to do was talk to Cain one on one. Then he could sort this whole thing out. But first, there was the matter of finding him. He had an entire company, so theoretically, it should be easy. But it's not as if Hell had any fucking signs. That would be too helpful. So, it was up to Adam to try and navigate this place to figure out where the fuck his son was living. (All the while dodging a devil who he was certain was looking for him. Fucking weirdo.)

Adam wandered around for a while, trying to make heads or tails of how any of the streets here were supposed to fucking work. It was like they were constructed completely arbitrarily and with no real purpose. Streets would just stop suddenly, or randomly change names, or split off into several smaller streets all with the same name. It was a goddamn wonder anyone was able to find anything in this place. Adam could only assume people navigated by taking note of the very unique aesthetics that varied dramatically from one area to another. Everything would go from being highly technological and futuristic, to being like a party scene, to looking like a military base. It was actually a bit jarring how different the architecture could look.

Still, if this theming was supposed to be representative of anything, Adam just needed to look for something either rock or plant themed.

Sure enough, he managed to find a part of Hell where everything looked more natural. AN area with large stone walls with climbing vines, a more old-timey aesthetic, the houses shaped more like huts. There were certainly a lot more Hellborns in this area, especially the weird little red ones. There were lots of Sinners too, the streets were becoming crowded as time went on. Adam tried to just ignore them, though he was getting a few odd looks here and there. (Probably checking him out. Even with this fucked-up color scheme, Adam knew he was hot shit.)

He kept wandering around the area till he found the largest building, the stone facade covering all the activity around it. Adam knew it was busy just from the sounds. He pushed the doors open and walked inside a large, bustling room. He started toward the door when he was blocked by one of those tiny Hellborns.

"Do you have an appointment?"

"I'm looking for Cain." Adam could probably drop kick this thing, but he didn't want to start shit in Cain's place of business. That might upset him. He had clearly worked hard to establish himself in this cesspit. Perhaps, once this whole fiasco was settled and Adam was back in Heaven, he could take Cain back with him. Sure, Hell was forever- but that was for the peons who didn't have Adam as a dad. Sera could be convinced, after everything Adam had done, there was no way she could say no.

"You and every other desperate fucker this side of town." The Hellborn looked entirely unimpressed.

"Look, I'm his dad."

"And? Whoop-de-fucking-doo. You got an appointment or nah?"

"Yes. I do. Just ask Cain."

"Name?"

"I literally just told you I'm Cain's dad."

"Cain's Dad... is your name?"

"What!? No. It's Adam but that should be obvious."

"How is that obvious? Caine doesn't talk about his fucking family to all his employees that would be weird."

"Okay, yeah that would be weird." Adam crossed his arms over his chest. "Can you just let him know I'm here?"

"I'll tell him, but he's probably gonna ignore you, dude. Caine doesn't leave his office for shit until it's clock out time." The secretary walked off for a moment, Adam could see him talking on the phone, before he came back. "He says to wait right here and don't touch anything." The creature gestured to one of the many chairs that lined the walls. Adam was impressed that Cain was the sort of person that people needed an appointment to see, but Adam was his father and should have been immune to such rules. He could discuss that with Cain later.

He took a seat, hands folded in his lap. His fingers still hurt, but he was going to blame that on the fact that Lucifer had cut him. Yes, it was his palm and not his fingers that had been cut, and the pain had started way before Lucifer had actually cut him- but Adam didn't want to be logical, he wanted to be mad.

He did keep getting looks from the Sinners that would pass through. The room was surprisingly busy, but that probably meant that Cain was just popular. And why wouldn't he be? He was Adam's son. He had that charm and charisma just like his brothers. (The thought of his kids sent a feeling of unease through his gut. Which was strange since he was on great terms with all his children, a point that would soon be proven once he and Cain had their face-to-face conversation.)

"Adam, there you are!" He tensed instantly as Lucifer's voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Adam stumbled back as he tried to get as far away as possible.

"Back off bitch!" Adam picked the chair up and winced a bit at the pain in his hands as he held it aloft to keep the devil at bay. "Once my son gets here, we are gonna kick your ass family style!" Lucifer's frowned deepened and he looked... uncomfortable...? Was that the right word? He held up both hands, clearly intimidated by Adam and his chair.

"Cain's not coming, Adam. He's the one who called me to come get you."

"Liar!" Adam almost snarled the words. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. "Cain is on his way and we are gonna end you once and for all!"

"Woah, take it easy, buddy." Lucifer brought his arms down slowly. "You're not thinking straight, you need to calm down."

"Stop acting so goddamn condescending! I am the one in power here! I am fucking divine! You should be cowering in my presence because even after everything you did to me I still got into those pearly fucking gates that locked your ass out."

"I'm not condescending and I'm not jealous!" Lucifer's horns started to come out. Adam could tell he was actually quite jealous because: why wouldn't he be? One look at Adam in comparison to Lucifer and the envy was self-explanatory. "I'm concerned."

"NO!" That was so much worse. "ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT! I DON'T WANT YOUR GODDAMN PITY!" How fucking dare he!?

"Adam! That's not what I s-" Lucifer was cut off as Adam threw the chair at him, full force. It would have been a direct hit, but Lucifer waved his hand, and it floated harmlessly back into place. His crimson and gold eyes narrowed, looking directly at Adam. "Don't. Run." His voice was stern.

"FUCK. OFF!" Adam could feel his breath quicken; his heart was pounding so loud it was drowning out that awful ringing in his ears. (Damn tinnitus was starting to feel like the new normal.) He had to get out of this place. He could find Cain later. But for right now he had to leave. The room was starting to feel a lot smaller. Adam's eyes darted toward the exit. Lucifer was blocking it. "I'M WARNING YOU!"

"Let me help you." Lucifer stepped forward but Adam backed up. The room began to stretch, up and down, side to side. Adam felt like he was on an out-of-control ride. He crouched down to the floor for a moment.

"GO AWAY!" He screamed the words so loud his tongue burned. He saw Lucifer hunch over and Adam took his opportunity to try and sprint past him. The door was so... so far. He kept running but it just got further and further away. He tried to use his wings, but they refused to flap.

"I have to kill you, Adam. You left me no choice." Lucifer was suddenly behind him, flaming sword in hand, wings outspread. His eyes were gone from his face, replaced by just his mouth, tongue long, dripping, and wagging as he leaned close. "You got a little something..." The head tilted downward, and Adam followed the movement. He looked down to see a sword sticking right through his chest.

"Stab the angel!" He could hear it whispered over and over again by every one of the fucking Sinners and Hellborns around him. Their faces were gone, replaced with a mix of teeth and eyes, as they started to surround him. "Stab stab stab the angel!" The voices echoed around him.

"NO!" Adam refused to go down like this. Not down here. Not to him. He grabbed the blade in his chest and pushed it back out. He couldn't even feel the wound anymore. He started thrashing with his bare hands. "I WILL KILL ALL OF YOU! I WILL LIVE!" With every word he spoke his mouth felt like fire and tasted like blood. But he was not about to lose.

All around him the monstrous forms cackled and laughed, their voices resonating in the massive room, reverberating back a thousand times words, combining with the incessant ringing in his ears. The devil laughed loudest of all. Adam grabbed him, shaking him violently trying to make the laughing stop.

"ADAM!"

Stop. He had to make it stop. It was hurting.

"ADAM!"

He just kept shaking the monster in his hands. Anything to make the pain go away.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

Adam blinked. There was nothing in his hands at all, in fact his arms were being restrained tightly to the ground. He wasn't standing off with one of Lucifer's many, wretched forms, but was lying face up on the ground. All the Sinners and Hellborns were gone. It was just him, annoying, ugly, regular Lucifer who was standing above him. His heart was trying to break out of his chest with how furiously it was pounding. His tongue felt like fire. "Wh..." He tried to talk, but he winced. He was breathing so quickly it was difficult to form any sounds. He was freezing cold, but he could feel the sweat that was beading on his forehead.

"Just relax..." Lucifer looked relieved as Adam craned his head trying to see what was holding him down.

"Wha... what happened...?"

"You tried to attack me. Even tried to attack Cain when he was evacuating his employees."

"N... no..." Adam felt the bindings loosen a bit and he moved his arms as much as he was allowed. It seemed he was being permitted to sit up, so he did, but his legs were still frozen in place, bound by golden chains. "I... would..n't." It was painful to talk. "N... not Cain."

"Well, you did." Cain was leaning on the doorway that led deeper into the building. "And you made a fucking wreck of my front office. I'm lucky you didn't kill any of my employees. Vox is gonna have a goddamn field day with all this shit if I don't pay a whole lot of fuckers off." He looked so upset... but there was just no way. Adam wouldn't attack Cain. "So, I hope you're fucking happy."

"I can help you try and cover this up." Lucifer trying to help only made Adam more upset. That was his son he wouldn't have tried to hurt him. Cain's birth was the first time he and Eve knew that they could still be happy- just as happy as they had been in the garden.

"What's wrong with him anyway? Did he go into douchebag overload? Or has he finally fucking snapped?" Cain was talking about him like he wasn't even there.

"I am not one hundred percent sure. But if he would let me help him, I could give you a full answer." Lucifer joined in the discussion. No one seemed interested in including Adam in the talk of his own fate.

"Goddamn it dad, you couldn't just keep ruining my life from Heaven? You didn't fuck me over enough upstairs? You had to come down here and make absolutely certain I was miserable?" Cain glared at him.

"I wouldn't-"

"You attacked me." Cain's response was so flat Adam was a bit taken aback. He shook his head, trying to take a deep breath and slow his hyperventilation.

"N... no that's not... true..."

"Oh, so because I'm in Hell I'm a liar? Fucking love that."

"Cain... no I-" Adam was cut off as Cain pointed a remote at the TV that sat on the far wall behind the desk. Adam blinked as he saw himself throwing the chair and Lucifer putting it back. Adam watched in disbelief as he started to stare vacantly for a moment, his head lulling on his shoulders, before it snapped up and his body went rigid. He watched as he started jumping at the closest Sinner to him, but Lucifer pulled him back with golden chains. He watched himself biting at the chains on his wrist as Cain opened the door to the building's interior and he and Lucifer tried to move everyone away (though several of Hell's residents had stopped to take pictures on their phone.) Adam saw the golden chains turn black in his teeth and crumble as he launched himself directly at...

Cain.

He was full force trying to attack him. Adam might have hit him too, but his head reeled back, and a golden chain appeared around his neck, forcing him backward as Cain got the last of the onlookers out. Every time the Adam on the screen opened his mouth, the feed would become staticky, distorted. There was no sound, except when Adam would try to talk the TV would let out a high pitched beep that felt as if it were stabbing into his brain. Adam watched as the gold chains continued to appear, binding him to the floor where he continued to thrash and snarl. The feed stopped and Adam could see them both looking at him.

"Do you believe me now?" Cain lowered the remote, his single eye locked onto Adam's only working one. (Looks like they had something in common down here: lack of depth perception). Adam could feel himself trembling, but he wasn't sure if it was from the sudden, intense chill in the room, or from the wild array of emotions all surging through him. He couldn't slow his breathing, the shaking in his hands only got worse.

He had tried to attack Cain...

And he couldn't even remember doing it.

Adam blinked. He... honestly couldn't remember much of anything about the past few minutes.

Fuck.

Maybe... there was something wrong with him...

"I..." He tried to breathe normally, tried to control himself. "I'll make the deal."