cosmicfeelys-blog

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

i ❣︎ the hairs on my legs

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

if the hardest thing i have to do today is walk through fear and discomfort

i am fully capable

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

past is past

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

so today i’m 57 days sober

and i feel amazing

it’s crazy how quickly my whole world can shift

when i take action and change

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

i think i miss my plug

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

feeling my feelings but they won’t come out

🤢

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

can someone pls give me a list of

all the angles i shouldn’t take pictures of my face

all of the musicians that are considered lame in whatever culture trends we follow today

the fine line before trying becomes trying too hard

movies that are good only bc they match your ig theme

when opp like behavior becomes selfish for your craft and artistry

pls just help cause the world we live in today is offensive as hell

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

the only thing on my mind right now is i love you

and the only thing i can’t say out loud is i love you 

my heart wants to make it known

my head doesn’t want you to go 

my heart knows you love me too

my head knows it’s way too soon

it’s like we’ve made a chrysalis 

with my blankets in your room

i long for metamorphosis 

but stay in your cocoon 

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

after recording this cover of moon river i decided to edit a simple lil video together to further help me realize the feelys this song gives me. 

videos from my hometown play over a sunny tiled floor shot down the street from my apartment in new york. corny, but even though my life is now in new york, i always feel my hometown roots steering me as i go. 

it’s so fulfilling for me to recreate a song i love, especially one that has been an anchor in my life like moon river has. trying to create while simultaneously honing a new craft has taken a T O L L on me forreal. i’m full of insecurities, fear, and doubt and i deserve the satisfaction of singing a lovely song that somebody else has already made. i would love if someday somebody covered one of mine. 

action statements - i’m going to continue recording covers as i work on my own music. i’m going to continue making videos to reflect my feelys.

if you’d like, here is a link to listen to this cover on my soundcloud <3

https://soundcloud.com/cosmicskye/moonrivercover

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

starter

this dumb game i’m losing at keeps pushing me way back to start

where i get no better, i don’t learn or share remarks

my game piece keeps falling back and i can’t

try any harder

now i know as long as i live i’ll always

be a starter 

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

i wish you could see me right now

lying on the bathroom floor breaking down 

it’s so hard to breathe right now 

god i hope i don’t pass out and drown

i wish you could see me right now

wallow in regret of how i’ve turned out

leaving you on read every chance that i get

we can’t be friends cause i hate myself 

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

maybe i deserve this or maybe this is all that i deserve

[cosmicfeelys-blog]

i went on a jog earlier because i was feeling so manic i thought i might throw something. maybe even a fit. so i ran and i ran really hard, imagining i was pushing the earth back behind me instead of running on top of it. i imagined running towards my “goals” and realized how hard it was to keep going when i got tired. it was incredible the amount of anger that boiled up from inside of me. my heart has clearly been needing something to make it race. 

because i got back inside and unexpectedly broke down in tears

there is nobody in my life. there are people that would be upset to know i’ve said this, but still, there is nobody. i’m not sure anybody ever craves my attention or wishes i would come around more often. it’s been months of work and still i’m stagnant. it feels like running on top of ice. 

i wish i could put a pin in the moment that i turned myself off to the world. id like to take that pin and use it to pry myself back open. i have caged myself in and turned off the lights. i taught myself to take calculated risks and as i did i let my fear overcome me. now i reflect and look at my surroundings and realize that sadly, it is far too late for me. 

can somebody save me, or do i need to do that for myself as well? i could, but i don’t want to do that anymore. perhaps if i break myself entirely i will feel whole. 

i’ve given up on finding the brighter side and will not accept this solitude any longer.