coveted-and-corrupted

[coveted-and-corrupted]

my head is empty like a dolls my stare isn't deadly, it's dead. my personality was taken out and washed clean and smooth. but it didn't make me pure again.

[coveted-and-corrupted]

who am i

[coveted-and-corrupted]

personal mantras

[coveted-and-corrupted]

🌬🔥🍃💨

[coveted-and-corrupted]

coping

[coveted-and-corrupted]

I don't get people who can be like "oh she's a horrible mother but that doesn't mean she's a horrible person"

Like babe abusing a child is one of the worst things an average human being can do; where is the line for you??

[coveted-and-corrupted]

how do you get thin legs. i want little baby legs that you can put your hand around and only have half an inch before your fingers touch

i want them to stay still when i walk

and man oh man would it be cool to be picked up by my boyfriend with out an audible struggle.

oh another thing

i could ride my longboard and not slow down, even if i stretch my whole body as big as i can, because i’m so small. speedy boy time

[coveted-and-corrupted]

What people think an eating disorder is:

~going straight into fasting for 3 days

~gets up from the table to go purge without anyone noticing or hearing

~runs at night without parents knowing

~it only takes a week for you to get skinny

~you are not tired

~you don’t eat at all

~you exercise for 1 hour a day

~grades stay high

~“GREEN TEA HUNNNNY”

-take your vitamins sweet pea

-parents don’t ask you to eat

-cute outfits

-goes to inpatient and comes out cured

-eats 1 grape a day

~paints nails and smiles

~friends love and support you

~goes out and eats a piece of celery and nobody cares

What an eating disorder really is like

~looking in the mirror and saying you are going fast but never do

~waiting till everyone is away/asleep or you are in the shower to purge

~leaving bags of vomit under your bed

~running in place whenever you can

~staying up late looking at thinspo and crying wish you looked like that

~fasting for 24 hours then BINGING ON 4,000 calories

~grades fall

~everything is secrets secrets secrets

~getting high

~melatonin 24/7

~green tea Diet Coke water

~you sometime spend all of your time exercising and exercising and then gain a pound

~punching your stomach,pinching your thighs, and biting you arms in the the mirror because you are fat

~binge binge binge purge

~purge purge binge

~black tea green tea mint tea

~“sorry cant make it to dinner”

~binges late at night

~weird fucking cravings

~either takes 1000 showers a day or takes one once a week

~HUGE sweatshirts

~goes to inpatient and then goes back because you still don’t know how to eat

~purges 1 grape

~baggy clothes

~paints nails over and over because you don’t want to eat and the smell is disgusting

~STARVE YOU DUMB FUCKING HOE

~biting off your nails

~freaking out over 200 calories but then eats over 1000

[coveted-and-corrupted]

eating disorders need to be handled differently. Im going off, sorry in advance.

In high school, i was sat down with the rest of my health class, instructed by our gym teacher. This is where i had my “education” about eating disorders, though i was dealing with one secretly. 

He talked about them as if they were a crime. He told us how to know if someone has an ed (they’ll wear baggy dark clothing, they’ll avoid food), and to tell on them. He told us it’s for women only. We made jokes about it. We had to watch a movie where a girl dies while having an ed and her best friend lives on feeling horrible about being her ed buddy while she was alive. (she got hit by a car, the ed didn’t kill her.)

This movie was full of tips on how to hide an ed that i remember 7 years later. He must not have interpreted it that way. 

I learned to be a better liar and i learned that people will hate me and pity me and find me revolting and call me ignorant and force feed me with a tube in a hospital if they ever found out. 

So i kept quiet. 

When i was 16 and my family found out i was purging, they sat me down intervention style and SCREAMED at me. My uncle, my aunt, and my grandmother all sat at a table and yelled at me about my biggest secret. They called me gross, immature, and compared me to my birth mother who struggled with the same thing.

They made me feel some of the most intense shame i’d ever felt. I felt stripped naked.

They took away my coping mechanisms (internet, tumblr account, certain TV shows, scale). They didn’t allow me to heal by choice or leave my coping mechanisms behind on my own because they thought my ed was a silly girl thing that I could quit whenever. But it wasn’t ever that simple.

Without my coping mechanisms, I turned to self harming.

To this day, the memory makes me shudder and reminds me to distrust them. They handled it horribly.

PEOPLE NEED TO STOP HANDLING THIS HORRIBLY. NOW.

The only thing that ended up helping was when i was forced to go to therapy. I was resistant at first. But my therapist was educated on the topic, took me seriously, and helped me handle my ed safely to slowly and comfortably to recover rather than shame me to shreds so i could stop being a nuisance. 

Recovering took YEARS. It was not a simple decision like everyone told me it should be. But even with my current relapse, I know how to be safe about this and how to avoid hurting myself.

Here’s what i wished they told me in high school.

Eating disorders are treatable. You are not too far gone to try to get better.

Someones weight is not an indicator of whether or not they have an eating disorder. Anyone, regardless of size or shape or weight, can be dealing with an ed.

NEVER lower your goal weight.

Eating disorders will manipulate you. They are not funny, they are not cute, they are not just for girls: they can affect anyone and they want to hurt you. Eating disorders are not your friend, even though it will sometimes feel like it. 

Bottom line: at the end of the day, there aren’t many endings to this aside from recovery or death.

Eating disorders can stem from other problems in a person’s life possibly regarding a lack of control, mental health issues, or other personal struggles that aren’t really centered around the way one looks. It is putting one “controllable” thing (your body) into your own hands and making it the center of your life so that the other uncontrollable problems don’t take up as much space in your head.

In other words, an eating disorder is typically a SYMPTOM of something else. Trying to “fix” someone by focusing on the eating disorder alone can just make the person turn to something else to cope (alcohol, drugs, impulsive buying, sex, anything addictive.) I turned to self harming.

Focusing on the ED alone is the equivalent of pulling weeds out, but leaving the roots.

You don’t have to drop your ED all at once! It can be slow. You may have relapses. But you can do it at a comfortable pace. As long as you recognize that you have to try eventually.

Having an eating disorder shouldn’t be such a shameful thing. No wonder people rarely try to get help on their own when it’s framed as a joke or when people can handle it so horribly. 

It needs to stop. 

We need knowledgeable people in schools teaching students these things so we can create more understanding eventual adults and overall, a less stigmatized culture. 

[coveted-and-corrupted]

I'm a short ass bastard. I can't reach the top of anything but I'll punch upward at your face. Or I'll kick your leg to bring you down to my level. Scrappy smol punk a la Danzig.

[coveted-and-corrupted]

Same anon, also @person who's afraid to transition to be a boy and anyone else feeling similar: boys like dresses and skirts and pink and a lot of girls HATE dresses and skirts etc etc. You're not lying to yourself. Gender is not related to interests. There are stereotypes, but stereotypes aren't rules. Look up pictures of handsome dudes in dresses or hang some on your wall to get used to the imagery and internalize that it's okay

This I agree with! I wear skirts and makeup! Tons of cis AND trans guys do! 

[coveted-and-corrupted]

[coveted-and-corrupted]

I am a lovely bisexual trans faerie and you don't have to like it because I'm too busy being fabulous to notice in the first place die mad lul

[coveted-and-corrupted]

All I want in life is a fun sex dungeon you get to by finding the door hidden behind a bookcase, and for people to understand that as a trans guy reconnecting to femininity can be healing because it's okay to be feminine and no one deserves to be alienated by it

[coveted-and-corrupted]

Light up a joint and talk about the universe with me