cursed-with-knowledge

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"I don't see how anyone can trust the process when all it has bought is pain" she admitted.

"For so long all I've been able to trust is myself and my brain and it feels like" she tried to find the words, "like my own brain has betrayed me"

"It helped me escape and now it's the very thing holding me back there" she says, not sure why she's saying all this.

She liked their relationship. She didn't know anything about him and he didn't know anything about her. It was comforting.

But, "God I wish..."

What? That she didn't have this constant weight on her chest? That she didn't have the parents she did? That escaping meant being free of it all?

"This is stupid" she glared at the books that they caused it all, "I fight problems head first. This is a mess, there's no next move. No strategy. It's just too..." human

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"Maybe" she says taking them into the building.

"It is. I didn't think I'd love it this much" she grinned

Deyanira noticed him on the street, immediately walking over to greet him.

"Hey" she said, "How's the wound?"

- @cursed-with-knowledge

He continues walking letting her walk in step with him

"Hey sis, It's good. Your stitches did the trick" he says lifting up his shirt so she can seen the mostly healed and currently scaring wound

"You saved my life" he says bumping his shoulder into her

"But more importantly, how are you?"

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She let her shoulder relax slightly, "oh yeah but the library has had only two new books on that in the last year" she says.

"But I mostly read stuff I don't know. Stuff about physics and demolition" she gave him a look, "it's stuff I know. This" she points at the stack of books, "I don't understand. I treat my brain like a machine. 8 hours of sleep. Certain number of calories. Movement etc."

"It makes sense. It's simple. It promises something and it provides that enough times for me to continue. But this?" She glances at the books, "there's no promise. No rules. It's a mess. It's human. I don't understand human"

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She nods, "uh yeah. I never really held an apartment warming"

"It's small but it's cozy and in New York that's basically as good as I can get" she joked, "but sure it's not that far"

Deyanira noticed him on the street, immediately walking over to greet him.

"Hey" she said, "How's the wound?"

- @cursed-with-knowledge

He continues walking letting her walk in step with him

"Hey sis, It's good. Your stitches did the trick" he says lifting up his shirt so she can seen the mostly healed and currently scaring wound

"You saved my life" he says bumping his shoulder into her

"But more importantly, how are you?"

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"I don't need a therapist" she said taking it back.

She wasn't looking at him as she placed it away, "I was just interested" she said, "yeah cool stuff" she patted the books.

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She waved him off, "I've cleaned it up mostly. The place is yours do what you want with it" she assured.

She smiled, "well that's a weight off my chest. Great I can show you around. It's not all that but I've added a bunch of stuff over the years"

Deyanira noticed him on the street, immediately walking over to greet him.

"Hey" she said, "How's the wound?"

- @cursed-with-knowledge

He continues walking letting her walk in step with him

"Hey sis, It's good. Your stitches did the trick" he says lifting up his shirt so she can seen the mostly healed and currently scaring wound

"You saved my life" he says bumping his shoulder into her

"But more importantly, how are you?"

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"Hey give it back" she said, "I don't need to be check up on. I'm fine. I'm great" she said sitting back.

She crossed her arms, anxious as she saw him look over the book, "it's a new interest. That's all" she mumbled.

It wasn't. She knew that. She was sure he knew that too.

Every book stacked on the table was about one thing. Anxiety

She didn't like it. But she thought if she just did enough research she could fix it herself. Just like any other thing.

But time and time again, she read that it couldn't just "be fixed" like she had hoped.

She glances at him.

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She nods, "I'm glad"

"Yeah well the thing is the warehouse is far from the city. And with my new place and job I can't make round trips there as often" she says.

"I was wondering if you'd stay there. I'd like to leave it with someone I can trust. Don't wanna abandon it" she tells him, "I mean you don't need rent and it's away from people. Nobody really goes there either"

"So if you want I can leave the bed and clean up the explosives?"

Deyanira noticed him on the street, immediately walking over to greet him.

"Hey" she said, "How's the wound?"

- @cursed-with-knowledge

He continues walking letting her walk in step with him

"Hey sis, It's good. Your stitches did the trick" he says lifting up his shirt so she can seen the mostly healed and currently scaring wound

"You saved my life" he says bumping his shoulder into her

"But more importantly, how are you?"

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She pulled it away, slow enough as to not show how much she wanted to throw the book away and never show it to anyone.

"Nothing" she says putting it aside what she hoped was causally enough.

"Whatcha doing here?" She questioned back

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She shook her head, "I don't need working hours. I work when my brain wants to" she says.

"Timing doesn't work. I'll just rot or work on something completely different" she tells him, rapping her head, "this thing makes the rules"

"What is my position anyway? I actually have no idea"

She looked around, "Now I've been working on some sort of lab redesigner. So I can move things around whenever. Sometimes a new space helps. So I might need to break down the ceiling or if not at the very least take out some files from the floor"

"I got the memo on the new suit thing. And I did that....kind of" she said, bringing forward a helmet.

"But I also got distracted so I added an interface that could provide every possible outcome in seconds, essentially seeing into probability space and" she brought forward an odd looking glove.

"A kinetic storage glove. It's exactly like it sounds" she grinned.

"and before you ask. I did sleep two days ago"

"ANYWHO I also built-"

- @cursed-with-knowledge

Smirk, gently taking it in hand as if weighing it in his palm, eyes then taking it in calculatively.

"Very impressive. You know, for someone without a big promotion yet, you sure do take your job really damn seriously. We don't find that employee quality easily. So good work on that."

He then tilts his head, checking for resets and circuit panel, he didn't want something dearly worked on go to shit because of a liability defect.

"No, stop. First of all, good that I'm told so now I can finally assign you working hours. Secondly, I can't really blame you... I've done that myself too many times to preach anything, really."

[cursed-with-knowledge]

Technically it's bloodline now includes you

I curse whichever mosquito bit me right on the kneepit (is it really called that???) 's entire bloodline.

[cursed-with-knowledge]

Please don't make a clone of yourself. The world doesn't need another Tony

Evil Tony clone: Shoot him! He's the clone!

Everyone, pointing the gun at the clone: the real Tony would never pass up the opportunity to die

[cursed-with-knowledge]

‎She watched his hand, the gentle touch. So unlike anything she could remember.

‎"Nathan is... different" she says but she didn't know how.

‎She had looked after kids before. Snuck them food. Told them stories so they didn't hear the dishes breaking.

‎Even then, did she do it for validation? Did she search for something in those eyes she didn't quite know she was looking for?

‎"I'm here because curling on the floor would mean giving up. It would mean no more survival. I'm not so stupid to believe that I don't deserve a chance but" maybe just stupid enough to believe she could get it

‎"Every step I thought, "this is it. It ends now". Every time I ran or escaped I thought it was over. That I was going to be fine. And each time it wasn't. It got to the point that" she curled her hands into a fist, trying to figure out why she was saying all this, "I thought this is how it's supposed to feel. This is the best it gets"

‎But it wasn't. Somehow even if she didn't let herself accept it she saw a glimpse of how it could be. Bucky showed her that what she had wasn't all there was, that there was more and there was genuine fulfilling joy in things she didn't think she was allowed to have.

‎"I don't hate you" she said because she felt that he needed to know. She needed him to know.

‎"I know it seems like it but I don't. I'm so so grateful-"

It was late, Nathan had gone to bed. He'd been excited for Father's day and had used too much energy in making sure Bucky celebrated the day to it's maximum potential

Deyanira was washing the dishes, focusing on the repetitive movement. It helped calm her.

Learning that she had anxiety was...a lot. She still couldn't believe it. Told herself that every symptom was nothing serious.

She hadn't gotten checked out. She didn't know how to do that and neither did she want to. But she ended up spending a day and night at the library reading every book they had on the subject.

To say the least she didn't like what she read. But she took it on like any other task. Follow the instructions. Do what experts say, figure out what works and then do it until the problem goes away.

She saw Bucky from the corner of her eye, "you can tell me if I'm doing this wrong. I'm not used to chores" she says

- @cursed-with-knowledge

Bucky leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, watching her in the soft kitchen light. The house was quiet now—just the faint hum of the refrigerator and the occasional creak of settling wood. Nathan had crashed hard, sprawled out with one sock halfway off, the card still on Bucky’s nightstand.

“You’re not doing it wrong,” he said gently, his voice low so it wouldn’t break the calm. “You’re scrubbing that plate like it called your mother a name, though.”

There was a faint smile at the edge of his mouth, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He could tell. The set of her shoulders. The mechanical way her hands moved. The quiet wasn’t peace—it was pressure.

He stepped further in, slow, like she might bolt if he came too fast.

“You don’t have to make it disappear in one go, y’know,” he said, his tone careful but warm. “The anxiety. Whatever’s sitting on your chest.”

Deya didn’t say anything right away, just scrubbed a little harder.

“I know,” she finally said, not looking up. “I just… I like rules. Steps. It’s easier when there’s a clear solution.”

Bucky nodded, coming to stand beside her. He took the towel and started drying without asking.

“Yeah,” he said. “I used to think the same. Thought I could just ‘fix it.’ One mission at a time.”

He paused, then added, softer, “Some things aren’t problems to solve. Sometimes they’re just things you carry. And you figure out how to carry them without them breaking your back.”

They stood in the quiet for a while. Dish, towel. Dish, towel.

Then Bucky glanced over, voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t have to be perfect for me to be proud of you. Or for Nathan to love you. You’re already doing enough.”

And he meant it. Every word.

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"Amazing" she says walking beside him and holding his hand.

She didn't do that often, she tended to turn the other way at physical touch but her instinct to protect and support Nathan had taken overdrive and now it seemed he was the only one she was genuinely comfortable with.

Maybe it was the fact that she had learned to protect kids younger than her in the system or the fact that it was easier to be comfortable with someone she knew didn't expect her to rely on them.

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

She huffed, "yes. Much better" she said, throwing her arm around him and resting her chin on his head.

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"Hey!" She called as she followed after him, "you can't be taller than me. You're my little brother. It's disrespectful"

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks

[cursed-with-knowledge]

"Woah you're taller" she said looking at him.

"uhh there's a food truck around here"

Open Starter

Deyanira was at the library, in one of the quiet corners where she thought she was least likely to be disturbed.

However I like most times when she was in the library, she wasn't surrounded by physics books, or a cluster of paper with designs on them.

She grabbed another book. It was heavier than she expected. Maybe it was just the title "Understanding Anxiety" sitting on the cover like it knew something she didn’t.

She flipped through the pages. I like most times when she was here the quiet around her wasn't comforting. It felt like it might crack under the weight of her thoughts.

Her thoughts that she couldn't even figure out anymore. Her brain had always been what helped her survive and now it felt as if it was betraying her.

She was too in her head to notice that someone had entered the area, she only realized when she heard the chair across from her creak.

She lifted her head to see who it was, closing the book and putting it aside, faced down, slowly like she was trying to hide it. Fruitless really, she was surrounded by more books than she had fingers. All of them were about the same thing. Anxiety.

"Hey"

--------

Tags (ask to be added or removed)

@under0-0s @giovannistark @official-james-b @rouge-wolfspider @nathan-shrieks