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I encountered this post about someone I know who just recently graduated from the university with flying colors. Suddenly, I felt a pang in my chest and memories of my university days flashed. I thought I had moved on but I still haven't. This thought came into me again like a boomerang. "You're almost there but weren't enough to be there." This is that exact line. It's all because of that one minor subject. Maybe it's not really for me. Hopefully, my heart will be able to heal from this.

Ps: I'm proud of that person though.

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Is it actually true that you can see their true colors when you're no longer useful to them?

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There's this lingering feeling in me that I just can't let out. It could be better if this is a good feeling but I don't think it is. I'm somehow thinking about the thing that happened between me and my friend. I remembered that I told her about something and assuring her about a certain condition. Now, I realized that I was not able to do that because we chose the different paths— I chose the part which I think is better for me. Maybe I'm really not a good friend to her. Since her birthday is fast approaching, I'm thinking of sending her an apology letter.

We're not in an awkward situation but I sometimes feel like there's something wrong.

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Never did I imagine that my name would become too popular inside the office. It would be better if they were saying good things but they weren't. And what's annoying? They pretended like nothing happened. They would offer their smile at me but I always see their pretentious feelings. So, I learned to fake mine too.

One thing that I'm grateful about is every time that I always hear them talking about me. I'm grateful because at least I'm aware of it— and I could find ways to handle things.

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I think it's better to be silent about it than letting out my rage. I don't want to start a commotion over silly things even though it concerned me. I'm not a coward. I just want peace— peace of mind.

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I don't know where to start. My heart is so heavy rn. My mind is loaded with a lot of information. I feel like quitting what I started.

Today, I heard people talking about me not just once but twice on a different time frame. As a curious cat, I pretended that I didn't hear anything. I think it's not a bad idea since it involves myself. After that, they still have the guts to smile at me. Therefore, I realized how pretentious they were. I feel exhausted and all I can say is that I'm tired of pretending I'm okay.

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There it is again—The storm. Pulling chaos into my doorstep. I wonder if I can ever drive it away like I always will. I can tell this is different from the previous time. This is something I can hardly manage for I believe that this sounds alarming. Hoping that I will conquer this for me to feel the calm weather again.

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There are times that I feel so very tired. I don't have the energy to go to work. It's like I've lost the motivation to go forward. It seems like every day is very draining. But then, I just found myself getting up and doing all of the things I hate and became tired of. Out of nowhere I asked myself "Why did I start this?".

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Some idiot: "Why are you reading your own fic, that's shallow and stupid"

All fanfic writers and writers everywhere: "Who the fuck do you think I wrote it for?!"

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There's nothing wrong with being yourself.

I just learned this suddenly when I thought I couldn't do it— when I was doubting myself. But then, I realized that I was just afraid. Afraid that I might make mistakes. Nonetheless, I did it. I was still grateful to myself for having that little courage to step forward. 🥹

Hoping for a more courageous moment to come.

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Adulting is very hard. Sometimes, I find myself staring at nowhere— lost in my thoughts again. I couldn't recall how many times I slack off because I was not myself. It's hard but I can't seem to stop because I have dreams. That's why I think I became immune to everything that is happening to me right now. I need to go on. I must move forward.

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It's really frustrating to know that you'll never get the chance to be absorbed by the company even though you have the capabilities.

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Today's the very first time that I didn't get to celebrate Christmas with my family. However, I'm still grateful because my relatives invited me to be with them.

Merry Christmas everyone!🎉🎄

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Hey! I don't know where to start. My heart is filled with joy and triumph. I'm still over the moon rn.

Last Friday, the result of our licensure examination came out. Guess what? I passed. I even let out tears of joy after learning that I'm one of those passers. It's really good to have something that you can add after your name. Truly, this is an answered prayer. It's all thanks to Him and to those people who never cease to believe in me.

Lovelots,

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Last September 29, 2024 was our exam. My friends and I went to the location a little later than we had set for ourselves. I, personally, am not ready to take the exam. I am not prepared enough given the little time I had allocated for reviewing. Also, I was busy doing other important things. With that being said, I really have to manage my time well which I'm not used to.

The exam was hard/difficult I must say. I am hoping that I can handle myself when the result comes out. For now, I am gaslighting myself to temporarily forget about it.

In God's Grace, I shall pass the exam.

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Last wednesday, I went to apply to another company together with my friend. We went through a process not so easy but I can say that it was challenging and fun. We are both worried about our performance and most of the time, we keep on saying "Hoping that we pass this and get hired". After the 2-day process, we were told that they will just call us if we pass or fail our application. And so, we went home bringing a little light of hope.

It was friday in the afternoon, when I opened my phone to surf online, my friends chat popped up. She copy-pasted the company's text informing that she passed her application. After reading it, I went to my messages and there I saw the company's message for me. I PASSED. We passed our application. I almost jumped and cried upon reading it because after all the rejection, I finally landed a job. 🥹

Right now, I'm hoping that I can endure the training. I hope that everything will be okay. It's all thanks to You.♥️

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I didn't know adulting is very hard. No one told me that securing a job is stressful and difficult. I hate to admit it but I started to get disappointed. Disappointed not for the people around me or for those companies who rejected me. I am disappointed for myself. Then, questions of self doubts started to afloat in my mind. Why can't I do things properly? Why can't I be so good at doing something like other people? "What ifs" creek in, spreading like wildfires.

My heart is very heavy right now. Despite all the rejections, I still managed to smile and even laugh. Well, it's some sort of coping mechanism or I must say I'm good at fooling and gaslighting myself just so I can hide the pain.

[cutie-buttercup]

Last September 29, 2024 was our exam. My friends and I went to the location a little later than we had set for ourselves. I, personally, am not ready to take the exam. I am not prepared enough given the little time I had allocated for reviewing. Also, I was busy doing other important things. With that being said, I really have to manage my time well which I'm not used to.

The exam was hard/difficult I must say. I am hoping that I can handle myself when the result comes out. For now, I am gaslighting myself to temporarily forget about it.

In God's Grace, I shall pass the exam.