cyanidefilledcandy

[cyanidefilledcandy]

[cyanidefilledcandy]

Or not cause I can't figure out how this works. Lol

Hey all.

Cause of a situation that just came up, I'm gonna be locking my account. (Shouldn't affect anything, but just thought I'd let people know because Idk what all it entails, so...

[cyanidefilledcandy]

Hey all.

Cause of a situation that just came up, I'm gonna be locking my account. (Shouldn't affect anything, but just thought I'd let people know because Idk what all it entails, so...

[cyanidefilledcandy]

Rewatching "Etoilé" and I stilll REALLY don't like Gabin and Tobias.

Again, there's just nothing actually there. No real chemistry. I know what they were going for and they just missed the mark unfortunately.

And it hit harder during the rewatch because I had completely forgot Tobias and Cheyenne had a scene together and there was SO much more chemistry. THAT is what Gabin and Tobias should've been.

I'm not sure if it was the way it was written or if they actors themselves just don't have chemistry, which just unfortunately happens sometimes. I'm more leaning to the latter because the chemistry of every other pairing in the show is phenomenal.

But it could just be season 1 awkwardness or maybe they were going for awkward. We'll see Season 2 because I DO hope it improves. (And we BETTER get a season 2! I swear if I have to relive my "Bunheads" pain, I will blow up Hollywood because it officially has zero taste and artistic prowess.

[cyanidefilledcandy]

[cyanidefilledcandy]

snoopy zippo lighters used by soldiers during the vietnam war (1955-1975)

[cyanidefilledcandy]

fucking. what?

[cyanidefilledcandy]

10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board

[cyanidefilledcandy]

Why is it that the moment I let myself be happy something bad happens?

Like, when I stop worrying, when I let go and choose to be brave and vulnerable... that’s when it hits. Suddenly, something happens. Something hurts. And then I’m sitting there thinking:

Why did I think I deserved that piece of happiness? I should’ve stayed where I was. I should’ve never let my guard down.

It feels like being happy was a mistake.

But I’m trying to remind myself: Happiness didn’t cause the hurt. It wasn’t a setup. I deserved the happiness.

This is just life - unpredictable and sometimes cruel. But that doesn't mean I was wrong to be open and hopeful.

If you’ve ever felt this too, you’re not alone. We still deserve safe love.

[cyanidefilledcandy]

....sidenote, can we take a moment to talk about how I will completely lose my grasp on reality and completely collapase mentally but will have to just....continue on as if nothing has happened?

Like it just occurred to me that I really do that, and have been doing that all my life and how fucked up that actually is. And that may make you "a strong person" or whatever the fuck, but I'm here to tell you that's completely overrated and doesn't actually help anything...

[cyanidefilledcandy]

I have GOT to get some actual sleep...

If I don't, not only will it make my physical illnesses worse, not only will it make my mental illnesses worse, but I will go into actual psychosis. It has happened multiple times before.

And the bad thing about when I go into psychosis is that it's usually something completely new everytime. So, instead of dealing with something I halfway know how to navigate and get myself through, something I don’t at all expect will happen and I won't be at all prepared for it...

[cyanidefilledcandy]

It’s so crazy that suicide prevention is just people going awwww don’t!! Awwww come on noooooooooo stopppppp

[cyanidefilledcandy]

[cyanidefilledcandy]

this is basically a short horror film

[cyanidefilledcandy]

How I paint an apple! 🍎

[cyanidefilledcandy]