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cynicalkairos · 5 years ago

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Maitlands Headcanon

Okay, so I’ve been getting into Beetlejuice (the musical) a lot over the past few months. And now, I just kind of thinking and I thought of this.

If you don’t really like or care for Beetlejuice (the musical), then please keep scrolling. If you’re interested, stick around. But if you ship Beetlebabes, then kindly get lost.

The Maitlands. Yes, they seem like the perfect straight couple. Cookie-cutter, white picket fence family.

The thing about them (and their entire weakness throughout the whole show) is that they never get anything done because they don’t believe it’s the right time.

However, (I’m just going to put a hypothetical out there) what if their inability to have a baby has a much different root?

Without beating around the bush any longer, what if Adam was gay and Barbara was a lesbian, but they just got married because of what society and their parents would think of them if they were out?

Well, it might be a stretch, but I’m going to run with it.

Picture this: Adam and Barbara started dating in high school. Typical nerd and cheerleader defying all the odds type of relationship. Probably voted most likely to get married after high school. They probably bonded on the fact that their parents were horrible.

Jump forward to their second year of college and Adam and Barbara get engaged.

Then, after going to the same college and leaving the toxic environment their parents made, they started to realize their own sexualities, Adam being gay and Barbara being a lesbian.

They tried hiding their secrets from one another, but Adam finally couldn’t handle it and told Barbara upfront that he was gay. Then Barbara told him that she was relieved and she was a lesbian.

At first, they didn’t know how to handle the situation. Then Barbara thought of an ingenious idea. They stay together for their families, but they can go out with other people.

Adam was nervous, but he eventually came around to the idea.

They continue on in college. Barbara has a couple flings and girlfriends. Adam only has been on a couple dates, but it didn’t go anywhere because he makes himself too busy with studying. Barbara tries to find Adam someone, but he doesn’t make any attempts to talk to him.

After college, they get married because they’re too afraid to tell their families and then begin to move on with their families’ “ideal family.”

Barbara has her girlfriend that plays off as her best friend when the family is concerned (and her girlfriend is okay with that because she wants Barbara to take her time being comfortable with her sexualities and that Adam doesn’t get exposed too - we stan this healthy relationship).

Adam just struggles with himself and embracing his sexuality. Because of this, he doesn’t want to burden Barbara by holding her back. Barbara insists that he can take as much time as he needs and that she’ll always be there for him.

By this point, their parents are pushing for grandchildren and they just say that they’re trying to no avail or something like that.

Then they die.

They don’t tell any of the other people in the Maitland-Deetz household until the time around Barbara 2.0. This encourages Adam to step outside of his comfort zone.

(I have another headcanon that Adam does like the little things that Beetlejuice does in the beginning, but he just acts like he’s uncomfortable because he doesn’t want to admit it. That’s another story.)

(Side note - I totally do ship Beetlejuice in a polyamorous relationship with Barbara and Adam. This is just a different take than what I’ve seen in fics and on tumblr.)

I don’t know. This may seem farfetched. But I could go into more detail why I think so later if y’all want.

#the maitlands #adam maitland #beetlejuice the broadway musical #barbara maitland #headcanon #beetlelands #don't mind me #quarantine thoughts

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting

CHAPTER SIX

Word Count: 2432

Warnings: Language

Summary: Henry and Ted’s confrontation. How does it go? Does it turn out well? Or does it end with someone being hurt? Find out in the final chapter!!

A/N: Well, we made it. This is the final chapter of Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting. Thank you so much for reading this fic. This was my first multi-chapter work. Enjoy!

Oh fuck.

It was truly the only thought that Henry could process. He repeated those words countless times, but even then, he couldn’t comprehend that the man that haunted his thoughts and dreams for the last week was standing in front of him.

Henry attempted to wrap his head around the possibility that Ted wanted to see him again after everything that he said and somehow it became a reality. Every one of his hopes and fears was coming true, terrifying him with the possible outcomes of this conversation.

Henry felt like he was in a hurricane, only now standing the eye.

He then took a moment to look at Ted, burning every possible detail into his mind in case him speaking resulted in the demolition of their relationship.

First of all, Ted was there. He was actually there. After about a week of separation and total isolation from one another, his heart swelled at the sight of him. All he wanted to do was to walk over there and hug him, but something held him back. Perhaps it was guilt or regret. Or it was fear for the potential outcomes of the situation. Henry decided that he would rather not think about that further.

Second of all, Ted…had no mustache? On top of all of the other surprises, Henry still found himself shocked. Despite how much he debated over the difference between having the mustache and shaving off the mustache in his mind prior to this moment, Henry couldn’t complain. Being with or without the mustache was a good look for Ted. Sure, he’d miss the rough kisses, but he couldn’t wait to find out how kissing without it would be like.

Either way, Henry was just glad to be in his presence again, mustache or no mustache. He couldn’t lie. He was nervous seeing the man he loved in person again. For the past week, he lived in the past, diminishing their relationship to fond, yet painful memories.

Fuck, Ted looks hot. Henry found himself thinking, immediately cursing himself for doing so. He couldn’t help it. Ted, standing there with his hair neatly done and his clothes styled and— well, clean for once, cleaned up nicely. Then again, Ted could be standing in pajamas with a hair in a style that looked like a rat’s nest and Henry would still be attracted— hell, in love with him.

On the other hand, Ted felt tears starting to build, seeing Henry in this state completely for the first time. Sure, Ted heard the yelling, cursing, the outright shouts of agony, but this was more than he ever imagined. Ted thought that Henry still took care of himself, moved on without him. Then the voice in the back of his head reminded him: Henry tended to drown himself in guilt. The sheer look of longing on Henry’s face broke his heart. The man he fell in love with was strong and able to withstand anything thrown at him, but the man in front of him fell apart because of him. Him and his irrational decisions.

With one look at Henry, Ted could tell that Henry had not cared about his presentation in the same way. The one physical characteristic that he never saw Henry acquire since when he met him was facial hair. Of course, Ted would wake up to some stubble, but Henry would always shave it off before leaving the comforts of their bedroom.

Now, Henry had an entire five o’clock shadow. It wasn’t thick like Ted’s was, but it certainly was there. It was completely black, unlike his stark grey hair. To Ted, he thought it was strange to see him with it, but the facial hair wasn’t a bad look for him. He asked Henry about his avid desire to always shave it off. Henry just said that he preferred having a smooth face in response. Seeing him with it now completed the idea that Henry had given up like Emma said.

Ted’s eyes drifted down, taking in the rest of his disarrayed lover until his eyes landed on the most prominent change: the cast. He remembered the crash that shook the whole house. At that time, Ted didn’t want to think about what might have happened to Henry, but now he realized that it was his hand. He couldn’t stop staring at it. The cast was signed and had drawings all over, but there was a gaping hole of plain white cast in the middle that his gaze could never drift from. And based on the way Henry gripped it, the pain must have been tremendous.

It was your fault. His thoughts echoed, causing the tears to start to flow down his face. You did this to him.

Henry went through all of the pain and suffering alone when Ted could have been there to help. Ted blamed himself for that. In fact, they both blamed themselves. Not each other. Ted heard Henry blame everything else but Ted for what happened. He saw the pain, regret, sorrow, and tiredness build up in his eyes.

“Does it hurt?” Ted asked quietly, only getting a nod from the other, taking a deep breath himself before continuing, “I’m—”

“Sorry? Welcome to the fucking club.” Henry completed for him, a tight smile forming on his face. He looked away, boring holes into the couch, before sighing and looking back at a speechless Ted. “I— uh, apologize...for that.”

Ted nodded, feeling his hands move to his hips, as he stood there trying to figure out what to say, what to do.

“Ted—” “Henry—” They both said simultaneously, looking at each other in a silent exchange as to who spoke first.

“You go,” Ted said.

“No, you.”

“No, no, it’s fine—”

“Ted, I insist—”

“Okay, I just wanna say—”

Henry looked away and clenched his jaw, a wave of pain surging up his arm. He was due for a second dose of medication, but he couldn’t live with himself if he lost this opportunity to make it up to Ted. To talk to him once more. To apologize.

“Hen,” Ted started in a soft, delicate voice, tears starting to brim his eyes. Damn it, Richards. Just had to pull this shit. “You sure you’re alright?”

Before Henry could answer, a sob escaped Ted. Loud and clear. A distinct inhalation of air that caused Henry to turn his head back over to Ted.

Henry saw Ted’s tears and an immediate look of concern appeared on his face. Ted’s crying got heavier and heavier as more blame and guilt resurfaced. He tried to brush it off, turning away so Henry wouldn’t see him cry. Ted hid his face with his hands, the sobs taking over him. Henry carefully walked over to Ted and stood in front of him.

He didn’t know what to do. His instincts urged him to hug him— hold him so that neither of them would be without one another again. His mind cautioned him, warning him against initiating any sort of physical contact.

Henry released the breath he didn’t know was holding and placed his hand on Ted’s shoulder. Ted’s eyes shot up at him, wide, red, and filled with awe.

What Henry did not expect was Ted crashing into him and wrapping his arms around him with a tight grip. While Ted buried his head into Henry’s neck, Henry stood there in shock. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He thought Ted would yell at him and blame him. But Ted…did not.

Ted was crying into his turtleneck.

Ted’s tears were soaking his shirt.

“I’m so sorry,” Ted said in between sobs, holding onto Henry tighter and tighter. “I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have thrown away that shit. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I shouldn’t have shut you out. I— I’m so fucking sorry.”

Henry couldn’t stop the tears forming in his eyes. He wrapped his uninjured arm around Ted and held him as tight as he could. For the first time in a week, he could say honestly that he did not care about the extreme pain in his hand from the pressure. At that moment, Henry wanted Ted as close as possible to him.

“I’m sorry too, Ted,” Henry said, the tears that he once hid away in private now out in the open for Ted and everyone else to see. “I shouldn’t have said any of that shit.”

Henry felt the low rumble of Ted’s chuckle against his neck before he said, “Ya weren’t wrong—”

“You shut the fuck up and look at me.” Henry pulled away from the hug just enough to look at Ted in his tear-ridden eyes. He placed his good hand on Ted’s cheek, caressing it gently. “You do not simply sleep and drink and bother me. If there’s anything that this week has taught me, it’s that I need you so fucking much. I tried continuing with my life as if nothing happened, but I… fell apart. You sit there and listen to me rant for hours on end. You make sure I leave the lab every once in a while to eat and sleep. I can’t believe that I thought for one second that a specimen was more important than you, Ted. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to fucking lose you again.”

A small smile spread on Henry’s face as he attempted to wipe away the tears on Ted’s face. This was where he longed to be for what felt like forever. He felt like he was home like there wasn’t an alien invasion happening right now.

“I love you, Ted.”

At that moment, Ted froze. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? No, that couldn’t be. Henry couldn’t possibly love… him. Ted fucking Richards. That could not be possible. Ted’s heart raced at the thought. Of course, he loved Henry with all of his heart. He just didn’t want to fuck it up with Henry, so he never told him explicitly. But now, Henry just… told him that he loved him. Henry Hidgens loved Ted Richards. Ted still couldn’t fucking believe it.

A big smile spread across Ted’s face out of sheer happiness. He never thought there would be a day when someone would say that to him.

“I love you too, Henry.”

Henry looked in between his eyes and his lips unconsciously. “Can I— Is it okay if I—”

“Henry Hidgens, ya better kiss me or I swear to—”

Ted was interrupted by, you guessed it, Henry kissing him. The initial contact was tentative, each one making sure that the other man was still there. Then, once Henry moved his injured hand to wrap around Ted’s torso, Ted deepened the kiss and pulled Henry closer to him.

The kiss felt right. Like everything was back where it should be. Henry never believed the idea that two people could “fit” together perfectly, but, at this moment, he realized that being apart made him cherish how greatly Ted fit against his chest and his hips, how seamlessly they moved together, how they made each other feel whole again.

Henry pulled away sharply as the pain built enough to overpower the adrenaline. He gasped and winced, clenching his cast. Ted stepped back, scared to even think that he might have caused Henry more pain.

“Pain meds?” Ted asked quietly, getting a few quick nods in response. Ted led Henry to the lab, where Ted sat him down before going to look for the small, orange bottle.

Henry watched Ted open various cabinets and drawers, working diligently but hastily. Before the… the incident, he would fling open every possible option, but now, he worked efficiently. Ted finally procured the bottle and opened it, giving Henry two white pills.

“Here,” Ted offered. “Do you need—”

Henry quickly swallowed the pills dry, earning a shocked look from Ted.

“Water— Nope, guess not. Okay,” Ted stammered, clearly anxious about this entire ordeal.

“Ted, it’s fine. I’m fine,” Henry assured him. Then said,

“It’s not your fault.”

Ted felt tears brimming his eyes once more, threatening to flow relentlessly. He knew Henry was right, but, deep down, he couldn’t admit that to himself. Ted started the argument that caused Henry to get angry and make himself angrier, which led to him storming out and Henry fucking up his hand. It was all his fault. And he constantly reminded himself that.

“I— I know.”

Henry sighed and took Ted’s hands as best he could. “I never blamed you.”

Ted’s gaze never lifted from the cast. “And I never blamed you.”

Henry smiled and stood up, reaching over to the counter next to him and holding out a marker. “Ted Richards, would you give me the honor of…signing my cast?”

Ted looked at Henry completely shocked, before taking the marker carefully. He knew that it had to be something meaningful, something to remind Henry that Ted is always there for him. Ted did not want to fuck this up.

He opened the cap and wrote gently and deftly, leaving thick, black strokes behind.

Henry looked down to see “Ted loves you” in big block letters in the center where the white whole used to be. The void that was once there was now filled with love and joy. The space that reminded him of one of the worst times of his life was gone and replaced by an outrageous feeling of happiness.

“Good,” Ted whispered. “Now, ya can never forget me.”

“Not that I ever could, my dear.”

“You’re too kind.”

Henry watched curiously as Ted took his good hand and pulled it up to his lips, giving it a chaste kiss. “Can I have this dance, babe?”

Henry found himself giggling of all things and nodded before Ted promptly led him to the open space in the middle of the lab. Henry wrapped his arms around Ted’s waist the best he could and leaned his head on his shoulder. Ted did the same. Both of them held the other tightly, not wanting to let go ever again.

They gently swayed. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Even though they didn’t want music, it certainly wasn’t needed. The two of them moved together without even needing a beat.

As they turned around, Henry looked up to see Emma looking at them through the crack in the door.

He smiled and mouthed a small “Thank you,” resting his head back on Ted’s shoulder.

Emma chuckled and closed the door, letting them enjoy this moment.

#tedgens #professor hidgens x ted #professor hidgens #ted richards #ted tgwdlm #emma perkins #emma tgwdlm #snaff tedgens #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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Prompt List

I compiled some prompt lists I found to form a list of 76 kiss prompts. Send in a number and a character and one of us shall write a one shot based on it.

“Good morning” kiss

Kiss on the forehead

Drunk/sloppy kiss

Awkward kiss

Angry kiss

“I’m sorry” kiss

“I’ve missed you” kiss

Seductive kiss

“War’s End” kiss

“Goodbye” kiss

“I almost lost you” kiss

Kiss on the nose

Kiss on the ear

Kiss on the neck

Kiss on the back

New Year’s kiss

Needing to kiss to hide from bad guys

“I do” kiss

Shy kiss

Surprised kiss

Kiss on a dare

Sad kiss

Exhausted parents kiss

Kiss of life

Kiss inspired by a song

Jealous kiss

Giggly kiss

First kiss

Last kiss

Kiss under a full moon

Kiss at dusk

Kiss at dawn

Kiss in a dream

Returned from the dead kiss

Themed kisses

“We can never be together” kiss

It’s-the-end-of-the-world kiss

Awkward teenage crush kiss

Spin the bottle kiss

Hiding/hoping not to be caught kiss

Forbidden kiss

Sated kiss

Soft kiss

Tender kiss

Passionate kiss

Long kiss

Quick kiss

Morning kiss

Before Bed kiss

In Secret kiss

Public kiss

Accidentally Witnessed kiss

Against a wall kiss

Against a Locker kiss

True Love kiss

Caught off-guard kiss

Breaking The Kiss To Say Something, Staying So Close That You’re Murmuring Into Each Other’s Mouths

Moving Around While Kissing, Stumbling Over Things, Pushing Each Other Back Against The Wall/Onto The Bed

Kissing So Desperately That Their Whole Body Curves Into The Other Person’s

Throwing Their Arms Around The Other Person, Holding Them Close While They Kiss

Hands On The Other Person’s Back, Fingertips Pressing Under Their Top, Drawing Gentle Circles Against That Small Strip Of Bare Skin That Make Them Break The Kiss With A Gasp

Lazy Morning Kisses Before They’ve Even Opened Their Eyes, Still Mumbling Half-Incoherently, Not Wanting To Wake Up

Routine Kisses Where The Other Person Presents Their Cheek/Forehead For The Hello/Goodbye Kiss Without Even Looking Up From What They’re Doing

Being Unable To Open Their Eyes For A Few Moments Afterward

One Small Kiss, Pulling Away For An Instant, Then Devouring Each Other

Staring At The Other’s Lips, Trying Not To Kiss Them, Before Giving In

When One Stops The Kiss To Whisper “I’m Sorry, Are You Sure You-” And They Answer By Kissing Them More

A Hoarse Whisper “Kiss Me”

Following The Kiss With A Series Of Kisses Down The Neck

Starting With A Kiss Meant To Be Gentle, Ending Up In Passion

A Gentle “I Love You” Whispered After A Soft Kiss, Followed Immediately By A Stronger Kiss

When One Person’s Face Is Scrunched Up, And The Other One Kisses Their Lips/Nose/Forehead

Height Difference Kisses Where One Person Has To Bend Do Wn And The Other Is On Their Tippy Toes

Kisses Where One Person Is Sitting In The Other’s Lap

Kisses Meant To Distract The Other Person From Whatever They Were Intently Doing

Top Of Head Kisses

#send me a ship #writing prompts #bored and procrastinating #tedgens #curtwen

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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12, 32 and 44 for the fanfic writer ask thing? pleaseee

Gotcha!! I apologize some of these answers are pretty lengthy.

12: My favorite character to write is probably Hidgens. He is the character that is most like me irl and that I speak the most similarly to, so that makes it easier to write for him.

32: Besides the characters being based off the actors’ portrayals in TGWDLM, that’s about it. I mean, I base some off the different reaction off of how I think would react. But their portrayals is really what I base it off of.

44: This is the last line from the final chapter of Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting that I wrote last night.

“The space that reminded him of one of the worst times of his life was gone and replaced by an outrageous feeling of happiness.”

So, uh- do what you wish with that. I’m getting close to finishing it.

Thanks for the ask!!

#asks #me

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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I'm scared that when Black Friday is released onto YouTube all my favorite fanfic writers will stop writing about tgwdlm and honestly I'm scared

#i hope this never happens #i jUST BECAME ACTIVE AGAIN #i hope tedgens never goes away too

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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Fanfiction Writer Asks

Most of the writer ask posts I come across are only like ten or so questions long so I thought I’d try to make a longer one because we like talking about our writing! Feel free to reblog!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

7) When is your preferred time to write?

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?

9) In your xxx fic, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?

10) In your xxx fic, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?

14) How did you come up with the title for the xxx? - You can ask about multiple stories.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

16) How did you come up with the idea for xxx?

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

26) Which part of your xxx fic was the hardest to write?

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?

42) Song fic - What made you decide to use the song xxx for xxx.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?

44) What is the last line you wrote?

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?

46) I really loved your xxx fic. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

#questions #me #ask me some if you’d like

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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Thank you so much!!

- from one talented human to another

That Stupid Borat Voice

Summary: The office finds out Ted is not only dating someone but married and Paul is determined to find out who is the mystery man.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, language

Word Count: 1851

A/N: Enjoy this little thing I wrote a while ago. I found this and never posted it.

Keep reading

#tedgens #rb

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cynicalkairos · 6 years ago

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That Stupid Borat Voice

Summary: The office finds out Ted is not only dating someone but married and Paul is determined to find out who is the mystery man.

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, language

Word Count: 1851

A/N: Enjoy this little thing I wrote a while ago. I found this and never posted it.

Nothing new ever happened at the office.

Paul lost his paper that he printed to one of the many printers. Charlotte tried to hide her unintentional smoking and drinking habits from everyone with no avail. Melissa ran around, asking every member of the staff if they wanted to join the company softball team, only to be rejected every time.

Despite the amount of time that they bickered, anyone could find Bill and Ted ranting and complaining to each other, primarily because it was understood between the two that both were willing to listen. Bill was always trying to be helpful or very stressed about a certain subject. Ted was a nosy piece of shit or just wanting someone to talk to about a certain subject.

Usually, that subject for Bill was his daughter, Alice, but Bill could never figure out the identity of the person that Ted was going on about.

“So, like, ya know how some people are just naturally perfect?” Ted said immediately when he sat down at the table with Bill.

“Yeah.”

“Well, I can tell ya one thing that is not.”

“What’s that, Ted?” Bill replied flatly, barely awake from his coffee.

“My husband,” he said with that terrible Borat impression. “I mean, like, he is perfect, but—”

Bill nearly choked on his coffee, sprinting over to the sink to spit it out before it went everywhere. He took a couple deep breathes. “What?”

“Dude, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but are you?”

“Of course! What the fuck are you goin’ on about?”

Bill gaped at him and then sputtered out, “You’re married!”

“Yep,” Ted said curtly, showing off the thin, gold band on his left ring finger.

And, sure enough, the ring on his left hand was definitely a wedding ring.

Once the news spread around, everyone sped into the break room to hear the tale and ask questions. Ted would answer all of them, loving the ability to talk about his husband to the entire world.

“Is he handsome?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“How long have you been together?”

“Over a year.”

“Is he good in bed?”

“Oh, ho ho,” Ted said, taking a sip of his coffee. “You have no idea.”

“How long ago was it?” Charlotte asked.

“Was what?”

“The wedding.”

“Oh, about a couple weeks ago, I guess. It seems like forever ago.”

“Do you love him?”

“What kind of stupid fucking question is that, Bill? Of course, I do! Next!”

Then Paul asked, “Well, who’s the… lucky man then?”

Ted simply shook his head and chuckled, saying in that stupid Borat voice, “My husband.”

Because of that answer, Paul never gave up.

Paul would ask him at any time and any place, trying to find out who this mystery man was.

In the bathroom. In the morning before Ted had his coffee. The middle of the night over the phone. Through memos. By any and all ways that he could.

Every single time, Ted said in that stupid Borat voice, “My husband.”

The rest of the office mostly found Paul’s attempts at discovering Ted’s husband amusing, including Ted. It became a running joke on their floor. If someone asked for someone’s name, the other would use the Borat voice to respond.

Paul, on the other hand, was frustrated.

He found Ted in the break room, making his coffee peacefully, and pulled him to the side. Ted jumped from the sudden movement, almost spilling his coffee everywhere. “Paul! You almost made me spill my fucking coffee!”

“Doesn’t matter. Who’s your husband?”

“I’ve already told you! My—”

“‘Husband.’ Yes, we know. But, who is he? Why can’t you tell us?”

Ted scoffed and drank a portion of the coffee. “Why the fuck do you care?”

“I just—”

“You don’t believe that I am actually married, don’t ya?”

Paul sighed and nodded. “Yeah, like— how can someone like you find someone— and I mean anyone?”

Ted looked away from Paul and smiled fondly, the thoughts of his husband filling his mind. “I don’t know, Paul. I really don’t have a clue.”

Ted walked off with his coffee, leaving Paul standing here. He was surprised, to say the least. It was definitely weird. He didn’t expect the… the sentiment behind his words. Fuck, he was wrong, wasn’t he? Ted was definitely in love.

————

Soon, Christmas rolled around a few months later and Ted never gave up his husband’s identity.

With some reluctance, Paul stopped asking him about it… as frequently.

“Are you ever going to tell everyone?” Paul asked, rolling over to Ted’s cubicle one afternoon.

“I’ll have to. He’s coming to the Christmas party,” Ted replied, never looking up from his computer.

Paul’s jaw dropped. “Wait. What?”

Ted turned around and nodded. “Yeah, he wanted to come to meet everyone.”

“Then why didn’t he come to any of the other parties?”

“He’s a professor. They always happened when he had a lot of work or a thing at school.”

“You married a professor?!”

Ted frowned. “Yeah?”

“I can’t believe you tricked someone smart to marry you.”

“Hey!” Ted interjected. “There’s nothing shitty about him… except his cooking. Can’t cook for shit.”

“Okay, but he’s coming, right?”

“Yeah, definitely. We’ll be there.”

———

It was the night of the party and the office was packed with people, food, and booze.

Paul and Emma were talking with Bill and Charlotte when Ted walked in, going right over to them with a drink already in his hand. “Which one of you fuckers are ready to party?”

Paul smiled curtly and raised his glass to him, acknowledging his presence. “Where’s your husband?”

“He’s coming. The parking was shit, so he dropped me off.”

Bill gave Ted the side-eye and looked at Charlotte with a chuckle, handing her ten bucks. Ted looked at them incredulously, before continuing, “What the fuck was that for?”

Charlotte giggled, clearly a little tipsy. “We made a bet. I said that you would give some excuse as to why he wouldn’t show up and Bill said otherwise. I won.”

Emma smiled. “I was about to bet, but I didn’t want to lose my money.”

“I just didn’t want to,” Paul said.

“Well, don’t worry, Bill. You should be getting you money back real—”

“Ted! There you are,” a voice from behind them called out. “I leave you for five minutes and you’ve already started drinking without me.”

The group turned around to see none other than—

“Professor?” Emma asked, completely shocked. She definitely didn’t expect to see her biology teacher standing behind them.

“Emma! Good to see you again,” Henry replied, before moving over to Ted and kissing him on the cheek. “Hello, sweetheart.”

“Hey, babe.”

Ted gave Henry his drink and wrapped his arm around Henry’s waist, while Henry’s hand slipped into Ted’s back pocket. “Guys, this is—”

Henry sighed and rolled his eyes fondly. “Ted, don’t you dare do it.”

“My husband, Henry,” Ted continued in that stupid Borat voice, despite the complaints from his husband.

They were met with silence from the rest of the group. Emma was still shocked that her reclusive professor was married to the office asshole. Paul couldn’t believe that he was actually real. Bill and Charlotte just exchanged glances and then the money that Bill had rightfully won.

Emma stepped forward and downed the rest of her drink. “Oh, god, no.”

“I’m afraid it’s true, Emma,” the professor said, only then looking away from Ted.

“That’s the man you’re married to?”

“Uh— yes?” He really didn’t know how to answer that question.

“How?”

“Well, I proposed to him and we eloped… after we consumed a lot of alcohol.”

“Yeah, it was really a blur, but I don’t fucking regret it,” Ted interjected.

“Well—” Henry started before Ted cut him off with a quick scoff. “I’m only joking, my dear. I don’t either. We’re having an official wedding ceremony later, though.”

Ted nodded and they looked at each other, giving each other a small but loving smile.

Charlotte smiled and clapped her hands, unintentionally getting their attention. “How do you two meet?”

They glanced at each other and then Henry spoke first. “Emma asked me to deliver something to Paul after he forgot a coffee at Beanie’s. It was on the way to work, so I agreed. I gave it to him and— well, met Ted. I hated him at first. I thought he was a complete douchebag.”

“Me too. I thought he was a pretentious prick,” Ted chimed in.

“You’re so sweet, dear.” Henry chuckled, before continuing, ”The same thing happened a few days later, so I brought the coffee over here again, but it was about the end of Ted’s shift. We parked near each other and began talking some more. I started to hate him less—”

“‘Less?”” Ted interrupted.

“At least, I only thought you were an asshole by that point.”

“Thank the lord.”

Henry rolled his eyes again and shook his head. “Then we ran into each other at Beanie’s about a week later and we talked for a long time— Don’t look too surprised, Emma. It wasn’t on your shift.— We had a lot in common and didn’t hate each other anymore. Then he eventually asked me out and the rest is history.”

Charlotte and Bill gave them a small “Aww!” while Paul looked confused and Emma looked happy.

“Well, I’m glad it worked out for you, Professor,” Emma said. “It’s good to see you happy.”

“Thank you, Emma.”

Emma then turned to Ted, sizing him up despite her height and poking him in the chest. “If you ever hurt him, then I will kick your ass until you’re pulp. Got me?”

Ted laughed and winked at her. “Believe me, that won’t be necessary, fun-size.”

Then Ted dragged him off to get more alcohol and food abruptly by his hand, leaving a fumbling Henry to wave goodbye to the rest of the group.

Paul stared at them and said a very audible, “What the fuck?”

———

The night was coming to an end when Paul was the only one of them left. Mostly everyone had left, including Emma, Bill, and Charlotte, but a few people that he didn’t really know and Melissa, who was still trying to get people to join the softball team.

As he was leaving, he saw Henry and Ted talking quietly near the large wall of windows. For the time that he knew Ted, he never saw him so happy. He watched as Henry noticed the mistletoe hanging above them and pointed at it. Ted, who was turned around for a moment to place his drink down, looked back at it, as Henry took his hand and twirled him around, dipping him with a grace that Ted could never have achieved.

Paul smiled and exited the door when Henry pressed a gentle kiss onto Ted’s lips, leaving the pair to their privacy.

Even from that distance away did Paul hear Henry say, “Did you really use that stupid Borat voice for four months, instead of just telling them?”

“You bet your beautiful ass I did,” Ted said in response.

#tedgens #short fic #ted tgwdlm #ted richards #henry hidgens #professor hidgens #professor hidgens x ted #tgwdlm #melissa tgwdlm #bill tgwdlm #charlotte tgwdlm #paul matthews #emma perkins

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