d1v1n3darkn3ss

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Okay so don't freak out lol

Hair is still falling out (yay me)

Hoping to weigh less tomorrow but I doubt it, I had black tea with equal (equal hates me now) no soda so haven't tried the pop I bought or the monsters

Net for yesterday's intake : -26

Yay and starting to average to 6.5k steps instead of 3k when I'm at the office so that's cool

Ummm might have symptoms of l4x 4bus3 like ød? Apparently diarrhea, fatigue, dizzy almost to pass out and blurry vision lol. Honestly I could say I knew better but I didn't, I thought even what I ate was enough for a bowel movement. So my stomach on the digestive side has been screaming at me verbally all night hoping my coworker didn't think I was farting or some shit lol.

Plan for tomorrow: wake up, eat, exercise

Hoping to exercise but everyone is normally awake,but, definitely eating early so I can do my fast again. Let's hope for the best. I'm exhausted 🫩 getting off at 11pm to not go to bed till 12;07am.

Goodnight muts

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Cannot relate.

When I was 9, A CHILD btw, me and my mom went to a yard sale and omfg this old lady looked me up and down and asked if I PREGNANT.

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Still feel like you all don't know me

Hit that ask Box on my blog

Come up with some questions

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Kinda wanna lose w3îgh5 slower so I don't induce an attack

Kinda wanna lose as fast as possible because I'm too big to have an 3d

Kinda like the 4n4 high when I'm in the clouds or losing, accumulated my goal steps, completed a fast

But I kinda wanna d13 at the same time. I've never been this down before. Trust me I have had trauma and moments that have, but this is way different.

Like a failure, everyday to everyone, better off I didn't exist. Failure to 4n4 I don't even look like her. 'atypical' makes it sound like a copycat that didn't succeed in the goal. I don't know guys I'm happy during the day maybe because my minds busy but at work, at home, during the evening/night, I feel unworthy to even have air in my lungs at this point.

My mind goes to such a dark, dark place.

Not a single person to talk to about this.

No one will even pay attention because it's a long rant like most of my posts. I suck at life guys.

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

🖤3D CANNON 3V3NTS TODAY🖤

Finally went to the grocery store to get more safe foods, told my sister how much longer I'd be since I got up early and had the energy to do it, she huffed and acted like I was taking a year in there (it was 8am, I told her 30 more minutes)

Getting off a long fast to eat just so it can make you more nauseous

Losing w3îgh5 -6lbs in a two day water fast, not even hungry enough to stop, but you feel weak, then now you're trying to figure out how to lose 9lbs by the end of June

Trying to hide your 3d but not at the same time just because no one actually thinks you're sick

Mom watched me straighten my hair, I think she noticed the hair thinning... She looked at me funny

Feeling like you're not enough, you're not doing enough, being enough

And the depresso begins

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

It's funny to me, I told Mom this morning ' you wanna know something I did that you didn't even notice?'

I told her I fasted for 46 hours.

She didn't look amazed or upset.

It's so weird when people actually look sick that's when they want to be concerned about you. Like omg why did you do that?

YOU DIDNT NOTICE

YOU DIDNT CARE

DONT BE MAD AT ME WHEN IM DEEP INTO IT BECAUSE I HAVE TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY WHAT IM DOING TO MY BODY

Like are you fucking serious right now?? My own mother and sister is completely blind at what I'm doing. Even though my mom knows my limit, that I take lax and milk of magnesia, weighing all of my food, won't eat certain food. Like come on. Even my sister knows I eat very very little.

Anyways, if you all are even curious as to what I do for self destruction let me know. Y'all are loud on the likes but quiet in the comments.

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Back at my fucking low w3îgh5 for June!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhbb!!!!!!!!!!

154.7!!!

Down ⬇️ - 6lbs in two days WTF???

Guys, not joking just day one water fasting I lost 4.6 with l@x also but still. I flushed my binge week out completely God it feels so good!!

(definitely sucking in in the pic but my bones are showing more and more when I'm flushed out)

Here's my update for anyone that cares:

Fasted for : 46hours 19min (#1 record breaker)

Total today: 238 c4ls

Hoping to get 7/8k steps in cause water and steps are highly important guys!!

Got a lot of drinks I wanna drink plus water and black tea with equal. Might do another water fast again, planning to workout in the morning, have a smoothie or something and then start that till Tuesday night. I haven't had soda in two days I need to try that monster onfggggggg

Didn't really like the peppers but cottage cheese God I like it a lot but I need to trial and error it to see if it messes with my gallbladder

CONTROL IS EVERYTHING.

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

I feel like I could puk3 unintentionally my head is killing mw

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Just keep pushing till you can't

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

🍓ADVIC3 PL3AS3🍓.

Ummm guys?

Am I getting in deeper?

I'm 35 hours in my water fast, haven't had tea or soda only water, besides a migraine I'm not craving food... Which is weird ASF cause this is the longest fast I've done in a very long time

Also yesterday legit 24 minutes ago I had like 13,000 steps and burned 550

It's like I know I'm running out of my safe foods I just got paid to stock up, but I don't want to eat? Which is weird cause I LOVE my veggies sm. I'm in deep now ain't I??

Yesterdays net: -550c@ls

I didn't eat yesterday

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Slut for more water

Strict on calories

Goal achieved

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

repost if youre an active ed blog as of june 2025!!

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Seriously need more active moots that talk

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

And guess who's doing a new chart ... Meeeee

Lmk if you wanna see it🫧🪷

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Finally did my nails guys!!! Finally got that weird indent on the side of my wrist I'm still a bit bloated but my goodness I'm obsessed!!

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

3d life is being excited you made a good poo lol 😆

Still water fasting

[d1v1n3darkn3ss]

Why is it though? Like I actually don't want to eat or crave food at all. It's weird for me, brain is super fuzzy but that's okay

Fasting is addicting once you get into it