dandydeya

[dandydeya]

[dandydeya]

yeah.

[dandydeya]

i'm not actually mad i just like the comedic delivery of righteous but pointless anger

[dandydeya]

i say "my friend" a lot when addressing people and i think the initial reason was because its a good replacement for "dude" in sentences But also i just really like it because it makes me sound very whimsical and kind. It is up to you my friend. Thats a wonderful idea my friend.

[dandydeya]

bocchi the blockhead

[dandydeya]

[dandydeya]

I am making a post about transfem’s experiences within the queer community.

“Yep”

This is by a transfem and about transfems

“Right”

I am not transmasc and do not know enough about their experiences to describe them

“Sounds right to me”

So therefore, I am going to post about being transfem and their experiences that I feel knowledgeable about.

“But what about transmascs’ experiences?”

[dandydeya]

Last thing I’m adding to this.

Like I said before, this isn’t to compare or judge the amount of suffering between trans people. I even note that the idea of “”saving”” (which I originally put in quotes to describe how it’s a twisted idea of saving) has nothing to do with the actual person and is just using their body. It’s hellish, transphobia against transmascs is hellish. But it’s also not what this post is about so I don’t really see the point to drive it in or that it’s even my place to describe that.

“Be a bitch” could be an open ended statement if it were not followed up with specific examples that are not bitchy and specifically mentioned that none of that behavior is actually bitchy like we have both agreed.

I don’t wanna engage civilly because this is the exact behavior I was describing. Decentering transfems on a post literally about them. You centered it on masculinity, and then have focused on just the possibility that transmascs might have anger directed on them in lieu of the everpresent stressors that transfems face within their own community.

And then you tagged it with discourse? This is about real people’s situations, not an argument or debate. A contribution to the zeitgeist of people’s thoughts. A post talking about listening and learning to become a more understanding and safe community, a community that can handle a transfem firmly saying “actually no that was fucked up” without assuming exaggerated aggression.

You’ve missed the point entirely and just further illustrated the issue.

It’s a long one.

The transfeminine experience is unique in that at its core, due to living in a patriarchal society, the act of existing as transfem is an utter failure. There is an idea that transmasculine individuals can be “saved”, in the way that society views the bodies of those they view as women as tools or something they’re entitled to. However, embracing femininity as a “man” in a society that hates women is seen as inexcusable, insensible and an utter failure. The “being” a man is seen as inherently valuable, you are an agent of power and control (within the parameters of one’s unique intersection of identities of course).

When a transfeminine individual commits the crime of existing, she has seemingly incurred a debt to society. Now the very act of being allowed to live seems like a favor that she will spend the rest of her life paying back. (The hypermasculinization of blackness making it almost doubly so for black transfems)

To be clear, this debt does not grant her the title of woman, not even close. She is a failure in both her being and actual identity.

Unfortunately I feel that this sentiment is alive and well within the queer community. The closest she can reach to womanhood is in being useful. The trans woman that will build your pc, the trans woman that will be your bodyguard, the trans woman that will fuck you with her “girlcock” (I am reminded of a time, living in a gender inclusive dormitory, when I mentioned using a harness and strap and was treated as if I had taken my head and began speaking in tongues).

While examples are diverse, most often trans women will be valued for the services they can provide using their perceived (and sometimes in the literal sense) manhood. Giving others a way to use it to their benefit without having to engage with men. Of course she is a woman, now that she has become a tool for the pleasure and convenience of others.

(I remember, in the same GI housing, the same individual, repeatedly expressing a sudden attraction to my body also express a strong desire to fuck men in dresses despite their aversion to cis men).

And so this womanhood is contingent on one’s continued usefulness and of course is still associated with being a failure of a man, which in a way, still thinks of her as a man.

A well-meaning individual might implore me to add “The demure transfem” as another path to womanhood but I believe there is a strong distinction. The demure and out of the way transfem does not bother anyone, express her desires and can be easily ignored will often find the closest that she can get to being perceived as a woman is to not be perceived at all. This ends up with one being “not a man” rather than a woman. This of course is contingent on her remaining tiny and unnoticeable (of course until the lucky girl can be useful).

This treatment I believe is justified from the inherent belief that the transfeminine existence is inherently wrong. Leading back to the bed of rusty nails allegory, the transfem should be grateful that she is allowed to be anything at all

“What do you mean you’re uncomfortable? I even gave you a barbed wire pillow :(“

The distinction between misogyny and transmisogyny is that misogyny dubs women bitchy for expressing traits that are praised in men. Transmisogyny does the same thing in addition to saying that doing so also invalidates her identity as a woman. Leading to a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation

I find that this leads many trans women to cut themselves down to only the pieces that others can enjoy. Perhaps becoming a fetish piece for others to indulge in. Maybe a vending machine of favors and services. Atleast rusty nails are somewhere to lay your head at night. They even let you pay for your own tetanus shot, you should be grateful.

This is of course not to say that trans women cannot be these things, or that these things are inherently bad to be. But it is the intention behind it. Outside of queer communities transfems face a constant threat of harm by existing. The choice between a rusty nail and a bullet isn’t much of a choice at all.

I believe there to also be a hyper vigilance to transfems actions. Not only because they are viewed as men (even if failed ones) and therefore a threat. But also due to a lack of understanding or care for her predicament.

“I understand they were rude but did you have to be so mean back? :(“. I’m sorry the nails digging into my flesh sometimes makes tact a little difficult.

What can you do?

To non-transfeminine people: The moment that you accept that trans women are simply women and that women are simply people, will be the first step in killing the transphobe in your head. Listen and Learn to transfems

To transmasculine people: Confront your misogyny, understand the role you play in propagating it. Be someone that your trans sisters can rely on.

Deal with your internalized transphobia, understand that not only are trans women women, but likely have a better understanding of womanhood than you. Take time to listen and to learn.

To transfeminine people: Be a bitch (as safe as it is to do so). That person talking about your “gock” 5 minutes after finding out you’re trans was weird and you should tell them that. They just compared you to a drag queen? It is normal to be angry, it is normal to express that. I personally give you permission to bark at anyone who unironically uses “male socialization” as a gotcha.

(Not that any of that behavior is particularly bitchy but it will likely be seen that way)

Love your trans sisters, show them that they are, and always will be welcome as their multifaceted selves, Godspeed.

[dandydeya]

I don’t endorse violence against trans men. I think your broodmare analogy is correct, the point was not to compare but rather to describe a difference experience of transphobia experienced by different people.

Furthermore I went on to give examples of so called “bitchy behavior” as simply just standing up for one’s self or using your own wording “…yes you should be angry if people do transmisogyny to you…”. That’s all that was being described. Not to be angry at or accusatory to innocent transmasc individuals. I find it concerning that you take the notion of a transfem standing up for herself to be a violent action, feeling that it’s describing the exact transmisogyny I’m talking about.

We seem to agree on the same things but I feel that you have assumed violence or maliciousness where there is none. The worst I can say is that transmascs can propagate misogyny and they should make a point to not do that especially during and after transition. Failure to do that doesn’t mean someone should kill themselves or is worthless, but it does mean they’re contributing to a harmful system.

It’s a long one.

The transfeminine experience is unique in that at its core, due to living in a patriarchal society, the act of existing as transfem is an utter failure. There is an idea that transmasculine individuals can be “saved”, in the way that society views the bodies of those they view as women as tools or something they’re entitled to. However, embracing femininity as a “man” in a society that hates women is seen as inexcusable, insensible and an utter failure. The “being” a man is seen as inherently valuable, you are an agent of power and control (within the parameters of one’s unique intersection of identities of course).

When a transfeminine individual commits the crime of existing, she has seemingly incurred a debt to society. Now the very act of being allowed to live seems like a favor that she will spend the rest of her life paying back. (The hypermasculinization of blackness making it almost doubly so for black transfems)

To be clear, this debt does not grant her the title of woman, not even close. She is a failure in both her being and actual identity.

Unfortunately I feel that this sentiment is alive and well within the queer community. The closest she can reach to womanhood is in being useful. The trans woman that will build your pc, the trans woman that will be your bodyguard, the trans woman that will fuck you with her “girlcock” (I am reminded of a time, living in a gender inclusive dormitory, when I mentioned using a harness and strap and was treated as if I had taken my head and began speaking in tongues).

While examples are diverse, most often trans women will be valued for the services they can provide using their perceived (and sometimes in the literal sense) manhood. Giving others a way to use it to their benefit without having to engage with men. Of course she is a woman, now that she has become a tool for the pleasure and convenience of others.

(I remember, in the same GI housing, the same individual, repeatedly expressing a sudden attraction to my body also express a strong desire to fuck men in dresses despite their aversion to cis men).

And so this womanhood is contingent on one’s continued usefulness and of course is still associated with being a failure of a man, which in a way, still thinks of her as a man.

A well-meaning individual might implore me to add “The demure transfem” as another path to womanhood but I believe there is a strong distinction. The demure and out of the way transfem does not bother anyone, express her desires and can be easily ignored will often find the closest that she can get to being perceived as a woman is to not be perceived at all. This ends up with one being “not a man” rather than a woman. This of course is contingent on her remaining tiny and unnoticeable (of course until the lucky girl can be useful).

This treatment I believe is justified from the inherent belief that the transfeminine existence is inherently wrong. Leading back to the bed of rusty nails allegory, the transfem should be grateful that she is allowed to be anything at all

“What do you mean you’re uncomfortable? I even gave you a barbed wire pillow :(“

The distinction between misogyny and transmisogyny is that misogyny dubs women bitchy for expressing traits that are praised in men. Transmisogyny does the same thing in addition to saying that doing so also invalidates her identity as a woman. Leading to a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation

I find that this leads many trans women to cut themselves down to only the pieces that others can enjoy. Perhaps becoming a fetish piece for others to indulge in. Maybe a vending machine of favors and services. Atleast rusty nails are somewhere to lay your head at night. They even let you pay for your own tetanus shot, you should be grateful.

This is of course not to say that trans women cannot be these things, or that these things are inherently bad to be. But it is the intention behind it. Outside of queer communities transfems face a constant threat of harm by existing. The choice between a rusty nail and a bullet isn’t much of a choice at all.

I believe there to also be a hyper vigilance to transfems actions. Not only because they are viewed as men (even if failed ones) and therefore a threat. But also due to a lack of understanding or care for her predicament.

“I understand they were rude but did you have to be so mean back? :(“. I’m sorry the nails digging into my flesh sometimes makes tact a little difficult.

What can you do?

To non-transfeminine people: The moment that you accept that trans women are simply women and that women are simply people, will be the first step in killing the transphobe in your head. Listen and Learn to transfems

To transmasculine people: Confront your misogyny, understand the role you play in propagating it. Be someone that your trans sisters can rely on.

Deal with your internalized transphobia, understand that not only are trans women women, but likely have a better understanding of womanhood than you. Take time to listen and to learn.

To transfeminine people: Be a bitch (as safe as it is to do so). That person talking about your “gock” 5 minutes after finding out you’re trans was weird and you should tell them that. They just compared you to a drag queen? It is normal to be angry, it is normal to express that. I personally give you permission to bark at anyone who unironically uses “male socialization” as a gotcha.

(Not that any of that behavior is particularly bitchy but it will likely be seen that way)

Love your trans sisters, show them that they are, and always will be welcome as their multifaceted selves, Godspeed.

[dandydeya]

Having ADHD is so fun because sometimes youre looking for something that you use regularly and definitely put away in a smart and reasonable place and you have absolutely 0 hope of remembering where and finding it. And then other times ur like "hmm I need a some kind of small pointed object. I feel like i remember seeing a paperclip under the left couch cushion a month ago, i wonder if its still there" and it is

[dandydeya]

Here's a key part of the transfemme experience that is very overlooked: when you don't pass, people don't actually see you as a man, or treat you like a man.

[dandydeya]

It’s a long one.

The transfeminine experience is unique in that at its core, due to living in a patriarchal society, the act of existing as transfem is an utter failure. There is an idea that transmasculine individuals can be “saved”, in the way that society views the bodies of those they view as women as tools or something they’re entitled to. However, embracing femininity as a “man” in a society that hates women is seen as inexcusable, insensible and an utter failure. The “being” a man is seen as inherently valuable, you are an agent of power and control (within the parameters of one’s unique intersection of identities of course).

When a transfeminine individual commits the crime of existing, she has seemingly incurred a debt to society. Now the very act of being allowed to live seems like a favor that she will spend the rest of her life paying back. (The hypermasculinization of blackness making it almost doubly so for black transfems)

To be clear, this debt does not grant her the title of woman, not even close. She is a failure in both her being and actual identity.

Unfortunately I feel that this sentiment is alive and well within the queer community. The closest she can reach to womanhood is in being useful. The trans woman that will build your pc, the trans woman that will be your bodyguard, the trans woman that will fuck you with her “girlcock” (I am reminded of a time, living in a gender inclusive dormitory, when I mentioned using a harness and strap and was treated as if I had taken my head and began speaking in tongues).

While examples are diverse, most often trans women will be valued for the services they can provide using their perceived (and sometimes in the literal sense) manhood. Giving others a way to use it to their benefit without having to engage with men. Of course she is a woman, now that she has become a tool for the pleasure and convenience of others.

(I remember, in the same GI housing, the same individual, repeatedly expressing a sudden attraction to my body also express a strong desire to fuck men in dresses despite their aversion to cis men).

And so this womanhood is contingent on one’s continued usefulness and of course is still associated with being a failure of a man, which in a way, still thinks of her as a man.

A well-meaning individual might implore me to add “The demure transfem” as another path to womanhood but I believe there is a strong distinction. The demure and out of the way transfem does not bother anyone, express her desires and can be easily ignored will often find the closest that she can get to being perceived as a woman is to not be perceived at all. This ends up with one being “not a man” rather than a woman. This of course is contingent on her remaining tiny and unnoticeable (of course until the lucky girl can be useful).

This treatment I believe is justified from the inherent belief that the transfeminine existence is inherently wrong. Leading back to the bed of rusty nails allegory, the transfem should be grateful that she is allowed to be anything at all

“What do you mean you’re uncomfortable? I even gave you a barbed wire pillow :(“

The distinction between misogyny and transmisogyny is that misogyny dubs women bitchy for expressing traits that are praised in men. Transmisogyny does the same thing in addition to saying that doing so also invalidates her identity as a woman. Leading to a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation

I find that this leads many trans women to cut themselves down to only the pieces that others can enjoy. Perhaps becoming a fetish piece for others to indulge in. Maybe a vending machine of favors and services. Atleast rusty nails are somewhere to lay your head at night. They even let you pay for your own tetanus shot, you should be grateful.

This is of course not to say that trans women cannot be these things, or that these things are inherently bad to be. But it is the intention behind it. Outside of queer communities transfems face a constant threat of harm by existing. The choice between a rusty nail and a bullet isn’t much of a choice at all.

I believe there to also be a hyper vigilance to transfems actions. Not only because they are viewed as men (even if failed ones) and therefore a threat. But also due to a lack of understanding or care for her predicament.

“I understand they were rude but did you have to be so mean back? :(“. I’m sorry the nails digging into my flesh sometimes makes tact a little difficult.

What can you do?

To non-transfeminine people: The moment that you accept that trans women are simply women and that women are simply people, will be the first step in killing the transphobe in your head. Listen and Learn to transfems

To transmasculine people: Confront your misogyny, understand the role you play in propagating it. Be someone that your trans sisters can rely on.

Deal with your internalized transphobia, understand that not only are trans women women, but likely have a better understanding of womanhood than you. Take time to listen and to learn.

To transfeminine people: Be a bitch (as safe as it is to do so). That person talking about your “gock” 5 minutes after finding out you’re trans was weird and you should tell them that. They just compared you to a drag queen? It is normal to be angry, it is normal to express that. I personally give you permission to bark at anyone who unironically uses “male socialization” as a gotcha.

(Not that any of that behavior is particularly bitchy but it will likely be seen that way)

Love your trans sisters, show them that they are, and always will be welcome as their multifaceted selves, Godspeed.

[dandydeya]

this clip from this streamer fucking up his streamdeck buttons has got me sobbing

[dandydeya]

[dandydeya]

[dandydeya]

Holds her out to you really nicely

[dandydeya]

tipping