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I GOT MY DISSERTATION BACK AND IT'S A 70!! THAT'S A FIRST-CLASS GRADE! GOD I'M SO HAPPY I PUT SO MUCH BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS INTO A TOPIC THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING HARD AND IT. PAID. OFF!!! ALL OF MY EFFORT BORE FRUIT AND I'M ON TOP OF THE FUCKING WORLD RIGHT NOW! ALL OF THE MIND-MELTING READING ON THE NATURE OF A DEITY, ALL OF THE HOURS SITTING AT THAT TABLE WRITING EVERY DAY, ALL OF THE SCAVENGER HUNTING FOR RELEVANT BOOKS ON AN OBSCURE TOPIC IN THE LIBRARY - THIS WAS WORTH EVERY SINGLE MINUTE, EVEN WHEN IT STARTED TO SUCK OUT MY GODDAMN SOUL! WE'RE GONNA EAT DOMINO'S PIZZA TO CELEBRATE AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO THE CINEMA (THAT WAS ALREADY BOOKED, WASN'T EXPECTING MY MARK TO APPEAR TODAY) AND I'M GONNA SEE HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON WITH MY DAD!

Whoo, calming down now... I'm just so damn happy about this. I can't count how many hours I spent reading and writing. There's a reason we were advised to pick a topic we like - after a while, especially close to the end, it becomes tedious and mind-numbing and it feels like it'll never end. I'm glad I followed that advice, because I thoroughly enjoyed my subject and STILL felt worn down and bored during the final 2000-word stretch. At times, it felt like I'd never get there. It felt impossible. But I pushed through and came out on the other side.

The fact that we're seeing HTTYD today is pure coincidence, I had no idea when I'd see my grade and it just happened to be the same day. Somehow, it just seems thematically appropriate. I remember seeing the original film in the cinema 15 years ago, as a kid who was trying to find their way in the world and experiencing struggles at school and at home, feeling quite lost and hating myself (my autism was undiagnosed at the time, so I hadn't received the help I'd get later and felt that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, but I couldn't figure out why). I came out of that cinema changed forever, utterly fascinated by dragons, which later expanded to a special interest in all things mythological. I was already an avid writer, but the things I wrote about were definitely flavoured by this - I later wrote 7 books between the ages of 10 and 13 (ranging from 20k to 70k words, never published), all of which featured dragons in some capacity. Dragons also continue to appear in all of my longfics to this day, and even my Tumblr profile pic is a dragon!

Now, 15 years later, I'm going back to see HTTYD again. I'm an adult finding their way in the world, just discovering a niche industry I fit perfectly into, like I was made for it. I'm about to graduate with an Ancient History degree (still waiting on an exam and assignment mark, but I have faith in myself). I've found a volunteer job in my chosen field and am searching for a paid one. I just got my dissertation back with a fantastic grade. I've known about and been managing my autism for almost ten years, learning to regulate myself and harness the skillset that came with it. School and home troubles are far in the past, and those involved are no longer in my life. I have friends who support and encourage me to be who I want to be. I know who I am. Nothing was ever wrong with me. I'm proud of who I am, and I can proudly say I love myself and have never been happier than I have in these past six months. It all came full circle. A sad, lost child went to see a film that changed them forever. Now, an adult who is finding their place in the world is going to see it again, having come out on the other side of multiple struggles and become stronger. If I could go back in time and talk to my younger self, Lil Dap would be stoked to know they have a bright future ahead of them - that they're going to make it, no matter how hopeless life feels for them.

Wow, that all got a little deep there. Today is just a huge day for me. It feels like my whole life has built up to this moment, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

EDIT: Literally the second I posted this, I got one of my remaining marks back - another 70! Now I'm waiting on only one more mark to confirm I'll be graduating!

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My mutuals!

reblog if you've made a good friend on tumblr.

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I know some of my moots were already tagged but how about I tag them again ✨ anyway ✨

@webofstarlight @awakefor48hours @saorichan42 @bean-market-mafia @funky-sea-cryptid @ritterdoodles @the-geek-librarian @colucana @snudootchaikovsky @justl-12 @wildflowerwoodsworld @jullify @zobjilan77

i am the luckiest because i have u

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don't give up

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Had a pretty bad day, but I can use this to my advantage. I can write a oneshot about it. I can make my favourite ship have the same bad day but add extra steps on top to make it worse such as not having the raincoat that I had in the rain. I can make them suffer so there can be comfort.

And then I can make them cuddle and kiss each other when they get home and that'll make everything better. They can snuggle up under a blanket while it rains outside. Look at you two, you look like wet cats. Cuties.

Basically, be on the lookout for a fic about Vanica making a journey that turns out to be pointless and forgetting her raincoat (because she would) and having to call Grey for help when the trains get cancelled. Based on my day, where I made a pointless journey but I actually had my raincoat and the trains were running so I just took one home. Because it's more fun if I make it so that one wife has to go get the other and also experience the rain. Basic math says that two wet cats are cuter than one.

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Everyone is welcome here!

quick reminder that my own lesbian-nonbinary-ass genuinely supports the hell outta each and every one of you. regardless if i know you or not, im happy to be living in this shithole of a life in the same world with you.

and im proud of you, i know in my heart just how beautiful, amazing, talented, smart, and worthy you are and i hope you can see that too🏳️‍🌈🌈

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Man, I love The Dark Crystal. It's such a shame Age of Resistance only got one season.

Guess who finished rewatching Age of Resistance the other day…

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i keep seeing you mention vanigrey when i go through the black clover tag. im so curious, what caused you to ship them?? like, i absolutely see the vision, but i have no clue what could have possibly started it

I had a dream about them once in 2022! Possibly because they're my two favourite characters and I have a crush on both of them? They were just kissing. I had zero context for why or how they'd met. And I woke up like "uh... that was weird." Then over a day I thought "actually... I like this." They're complete opposites in every way and I love a good opposites attract kind of ship.

I initially did nothing about it for two years because I was very confused and like "how... would this work???" But I thought about it a lot whenever I was about to go to sleep. Eventually, I started making concrete plans for how it would work, but at this point I was super nervous about putting myself out there so it was really just for me only. Then I told a mutual about my ship and they encouraged me to put myself out there so here we are!

I love the innate absurdity that makes one stop and go "she's with WHO now???" Bless my weird little ship, I love them.

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Rrrrrrgh I NEED them

My girlsssss

I'm going crazy without them but I'm still out of lesbian writing juice

I'm pretty sure they have broken containment from my Black Clover special interest to become one just on their own

...But now that my writing brain's fried, my drawing brain finally woke up.

What if I get around the writing burnout by DRAWING them instead?

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Had a breakthrough yesterday where I looked back at my longest-running fic that's gone through tons of growing pains, which I've kinda hated for the last year due to seeing it as "cringe" thanks to a specific problem I had with it.

And not only did I suddenly get inspiration for it, BUT I DON'T HATE IT ANYMORE.

I figured, maybe it's not cringe. Or maybe it is, but who cares? If anyone hates it, the back button's there, and anyone who likes it will stay. I will be cringe and free to my heart's content!

And now my last "setup" chapter will be ready soon! I'm so damn happy I've gotten this far. I've almost reached the cool scenes in my head!

Being self-indulgent and doing whatever I wanted was the best thing I ever did with my fanfiction and there is nothing more freeing. Write for YOU! Be cringe and free! No matter how bad you think something is, no matter how rough, no matter how amateur, you'll still get an audience of people who like it and anyone who doesn't can just leave! Live your best life unbothered by fear of judgement and do whatever you want, writers!

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reblog if you think sign language should be taught as a language in schools.

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...I'm still thinking about this. I can feel it worming into my brain.

I might actually have to write this.

It’s really late over here, I’m really eepy, but vampire Vanigrey but Grey is the vampire and Vanica is the human who is obsessed with her?

Oh my god.

YES. OH MY GOD. I LOVE THIS.

You hear human and vampire and think "oh the vampire stalks the human" and NOPE! Other way round. I love this. I love it so much.

I bet Vanica has soooo many questions about what drinking blood is like. Meanwhile Grey is like "why is she here, how did she get in, I locked the door?"

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Drew a little critter to be my avatar. This is me now :) It's a bumblebee dragon!

I am only an amateur artist but I like it a lot!

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I love how humans have literally not changed throughout history like the graffiti from Pompeii has people from hundreds of years ago writing stuff like “Marcus is gay” “I fucked a girl here” “Julius your mum wishes she was with me” and leonardo da vinci’s assistants drew dicks in their notebooks just for the banter and mozart created a piece called “kiss my ass” so when people wish for ‘today’s generation’ to be like ‘how people used to’ then we’re already there buddy we’ve always been

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Nooooo I ran out of femslash juice 😭

My brain is no longer braining

I guess that's what happens when you write 65,000 words of femslash from March to May

I know I have to take a break but now energy is building up in me with no release because I NEED MY GIRLSSSS

I'll reread what I already wrote for them to satisfy the bumblebees in my brain

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She would! She absolutely would!

Adding to this, I'd say Grey would be super insecure about the fact that she is a vampire because they are feared, hated and even hunted by humans and it's difficult not to hate yourself when seemingly the whole world is telling you that you don't belong.

And then there's Vanica, who's really weird and is drawn to Grey precisely for the reasons that the rest of the world shuns her. Vanica wants to know all about her and asks questions all the time. I bet that kind of interest and acceptance would help Grey's self-esteem.

At some point, Vanica asks Grey to drink her blood because she wants to feel what it's like. She definitely likes it. Grey is a little bit worried about how much Vanica enjoys it.

It’s really late over here, I’m really eepy, but vampire Vanigrey but Grey is the vampire and Vanica is the human who is obsessed with her?

Oh my god.

YES. OH MY GOD. I LOVE THIS.

You hear human and vampire and think "oh the vampire stalks the human" and NOPE! Other way round. I love this. I love it so much.

I bet Vanica has soooo many questions about what drinking blood is like. Meanwhile Grey is like "why is she here, how did she get in, I locked the door?"

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It’s really late over here, I’m really eepy, but vampire Vanigrey but Grey is the vampire and Vanica is the human who is obsessed with her?

Oh my god.

YES. OH MY GOD. I LOVE THIS.

You hear human and vampire and think "oh the vampire stalks the human" and NOPE! Other way round. I love this. I love it so much.

I bet Vanica has soooo many questions about what drinking blood is like. Meanwhile Grey is like "why is she here, how did she get in, I locked the door?"