darkforestdreams

[darkforestdreams]

TW: Family Alcohol Addiction Rant (Depressing)

God, I feel so selfish and stupid right now. There are real problems going on EVERYWHERE on this damn planet and all I can think of is if a family member of mine actually still loves me or not.

I don't know even why I'm writing this. This is the fourth week in a row. And I'm TIRED of it. I won't disclose who the family member is, but they're someone I see literally every single day. I feel bad for what they're going through; their situation is kind of similar to mine, but... this addiction of theirs has been going on for three fucking years, and this is the LONGEST relapse they've ever had that I've seen. FOUR. WEEKS. FOUR FUCKING WEEKS!

I've lost track of the months. It barely registers to me that it's the middle of May, but it feels like the middle of September. My family and I are treated like garbage, and we can't hold this person accounted for because they don't even remember their awful drunken behavior! And we won't be able to until the addiction is gone for good, which takes like two years, AND EVERY RELAPSE IS A RESET BUTTON!

The crying. The screaming. The self-pity. The dismissiveness. The hatred. The pain. I'm so sick of this.

My family and I are going to talk to this person because we are DONE. This person, whether they realize it or not, is practically holding us hostage. I have NO independence--any chance of it has been taken along with my happiness, my healthy mindset, my trust... I should have just shut the fuck up and taken the steps to independence years ago. Maybe then I could have avoided being dragged down into the depressive abyss THAT I'D JUST CLIMBED OUT OF. And not just dragged, dragged EVEN FURTHER DOWN.

I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS SHIT. I DID NOT SPEND YEARS TRYING TO FIX MYSELF AND BE HAPPY JUST FOR IT ALL TO BE RIPPED AWAY BY THE PERSON WHO USED TO BE MY CLOSEST FRIEND AND FAMILY.

And... this is so... STUPID, but... I'm even questioning if they even remember any of that. We used to go out all the time, we talked about our opinions, and I could tell them just about anything.

And this, oh, it's even stupider! I'm questioning if they even really love us anymore. It's been A MONTH LONG without even a week's worth of a break! Are they really that blind to how much they're making US suffer!?

They have reason for being the way they are--they aren't good reasons but reasons nonetheless--but I've lost all empathy and even sympathy at this point. Now I'm just worried if they're even going to survive this--and if they are planning to kill themselves I WILL TELL THEM THAT I THOUGHT THE SAME THING, BUT I HAVEN'T BECAUSE IT WOULD DESTROY THE FAMILY BEYOND REPAIR, EVEN THOUGH I'M USELESS!

Everything is just too much--I can't work on or improve myself at all because I'm so emotionally and mentally exhausted ALL THE TIME. I've been so frustrated, so scared, so depressed... I don't blame anyone who doesn't want to deal with me, the confused sad-sack failure of life... the person that's just made to be any higher beings' punching bag and target to play cruel and sickening jokes on.

And here I am, still being selfish! Oh, poor me, poor me, me, ME. It's disgusting and pathetic.

It's taken so long for me to talk about this because it just felt like nothing but bratty whining, but at this point I just want to go into hibernation. I can't think about death--it's too tempting, especially if it's the only way off of this rotten planet that's been ruined by people I don't even want to associate with, and too many people KEEP ruining it for their own selfish desires and disregard the people they HURT. And they get NO PUNISHMENT. NO JUSTICE.

I won't kill myself, but I'm not really living, either. You don't have to bother with trying to make me feel better--I'm in too deep. It won't do anything.

We're going to talk to this family member and lay down an ultimatum for them because we CANNOT tolerate this anymore. And if they refuse... I'm just going to have to go no contact with someone in my own home. They can't be helped if they're at that point. I'm just going to have to cram all of this pain and confusion and rage down, keep my head low, and just try to get through each day. That's what I've had to do for so long now. Just numb myself and survive--that's all I can do at this point.

[darkforestdreams]

No safety. No food. No aid. No water. No healthcare. No education. Is this what it means to live? Is this what world accept as life?

If a group of animals were trapped, starved, and cut off from the world like this, people would be outraged. But because it's us—human beings—somehow, the world looks away.

These are unbearable days. Everything feels heavy. Each hour presses on my chest like I’m being suffocated.

My family needs urgent help.

Basic survival has become nearly impossible. Bread—just bread—now costs over $25 a day to make.

We are not asking for luxury. We are begging for life.

Please, if you’re reading this: help. Reblog this post. Talk about us. Donate if you can. Even a small act can mean everything right now.

#crisis #humanrights #emergency #donate #pleasehelp #tumblrcommunity #survivestories #reblogtohelp #signalboost

[darkforestdreams]

These Tiled Steps In San Francisco Glow At Night From The Moonlight

[darkforestdreams]

it may take me a month to put out a chapter but at least im not using ai to write it.

it may take me a month to put out a chapter but at least im not using ai to write it.

it may take me a month to put out a chapter but at least im not using ai to write it.

it may take me a month to put out a chapter but at least im not using ai to write it.

it may take me a month to put out a chapter but at least im not using ai to write it.

IT MAY TAKE ME A MONTH TO PUT OUT A CHAPTER BUT AT LEAST IM NOT USING AI TO WRITE IT

[darkforestdreams]

sometimes you need dialogue tags and don't want to use the same four

[darkforestdreams]

If you can’t reblog this, unfollow me now.

[darkforestdreams]

[darkforestdreams]

@amberluvsbugs Your concept art is AMAZING, and I found something very interesting there…

[darkforestdreams]

Yo so, i got something i wanna say rq.

Quick CW for the discussion of grooming, false allegations and a long ass post. If you don't already know about this situation, scroll down, I've provided links to the necessary posts at the bottom! I’m not the one for drama, never have been and never will be. But being a mutual of @ikamigami and literally getting tagged in it, it was inevitable that I would see @alexandraisyes' grooming allegation post on both her and Mothy. And after having reached out myself to get Ikami’s side on things along with reading the documents provided by both parties, I've come to my own conclusion. I don’t see either party as really being in the right. Not Alex nor Mothy. Mothy for their poor behaviour which has been given evidence of in Alex’s document. And Alex for Ikamigami’s completely unnecessary involvement and the horrible accusation made against them with lackluster evidence. Lackluster evidence which I have a few things to say about. Now Alex or any of her friends who may end up reading this, I'm not a new enemy of any sort or looking to be one, nor do I have any particularly ill feelings against any of you, I'm just giving criticism and stating my opinions here. 1) Evidence against Ikami No.1 - The nsfw fic Ikamigami wrote a nsfw fic and tagged GarbageChocolate, who she at the time, didn’t know was a minor. But once she found out, it was publicly apologized for. And now the fic has been completely deleted from Ikami’s blog, the only reason you’re still able to see it via the link in Alex’s document is because of it being a reblog. This was resolved and closed in 2023. Information which Alex has left out both in their doc and when replying to comments, either intentionally or because of lack of proper research.

Why is it being brought up to be used as some sort of “evidence” of Ikami being a groomer? When you think about it, it doesn’t even make any sense. A groomer wouldn’t post stuff like that publically, as they would want to keep their behaviour hidden. 2) Evidence against Ikami No.2 - Ikami siding with Mothy I don’t know if people know this, but choosing to side with a friend in drama or accusations is normal.

Especially considering the friendship between Mothy and Ikami, that they’ve been there for one another and therefore will put a good amount of trust in each other. And I think that if you’re quickly able to turn on your friend at the smallest accusation, you weren’t even a real friend to begin with. That or you’re just a patsy.

Ikami herself in her own document acknowledges Mothy’s actions and says that she is not going to defend them. Though along with that Ikami provides rather important context behind Mothy’s behaviour. Context being that Mothy is someone who has immature and childish behavioural tendencies (being a 19 year old, also counting that age does not equal to maturity), and due to less than unfortunate events in her childhood expresses hypersexuality.

Something to quickly mention as well, Ikami has only really known Mothy’s side on the things which has happened inside the servers, possibly not having been told the entire truth on some things. That along with the behaviour of Mothy is not something I want to excuse and is something that i'm certain Ikami isn't exactly pleased about either. Also, this shouldn't just come to me, but do you realise how broken the logic behind this, that Ikami choosing to side with Mothy makes her a groomer too, is?  Let me lay out a hypothetical example;

What if I was friends with someone who later gets accused to be a pedophile, would that make me a pedo too simply by association?

3) - Critisism on Alex's document Now, I know this whole segment is going to sound nit-picky, but there are some things that I want to point out with Alex’s document and its content. As I can't help but feel that the document looks incredibly rushed and sloppily made. Alex's document only bears screenshots, with pretty much no context given whatsoever behind them or this situation. Like say, as an example, what the ages of both Mothy and the minors were specifically during the time it all went down, as that is very important information and simply just stating that the victims were minors doesn’t really make things clear. As anyone between 1 to 18 would be considered a minor. Along with lacking context, there are things added which don't serve anything, being rather trivial. Like the comparison made between the behaviour of Mothy, Alex herself and Alex's friend Peachpopfizz/Peachfnaf. I can understand the potential reason for this being added, but in execution it just looks like you’re trying to make yourself look better or superior and is rather useless to know.

And something which I think is plenty worthy of being pointed out as well is that we don't seem to get any screenshots of one-to-one private conversations. Or at least not ones where it's clear, as most of the screenshots are also cropped. The victims in Alex’s document state that Mothy has used manipulation tactics, used her ties to the ‘big blogs’ as leverage and not taken it too kindly when others did not want to talk to them about something or got uncomfortable, so why don't we see examples of such?

 If all of Mothy's messages come from open channels for anyone to see, it makes me wonder, as one of the main tactics of groomers is to isolate a victim and hold their own poor behaviour behind closed doors. Especially considering there were apparently other adults in the proship server who, assuming they're either not stupid or ignorant, would’ve seen and called it out immediately as Mothy was openly 19 and NSFW was not allowed as far as i'm aware. And the last point i want to make, seeing that this would become way too long if i was to add every single tiny one. Again about rather trivial info. Alex in their document, in the section about confronting Mothy, mentions of Ikami apparently talking about killing herself in the TSBS discord server, along with the harassment and slandering which has been happening between Ikami, Dana and Ceph/Twinanimatronics (in which direction it fully was in I'm not aware).

Number one, in regard to the claim of Ikami speaking of killing herself. I've gone the lengths to look through her messages in the TSBS server myself, especially around the time in which the Miku episode and Ikami’s psychotic episode happened, and have not found anything remotely close. So if Dana and Ceph, the ones who allegedly reported this to the mods, have evidence of this actually happening. I would love to see it.

And number two, the personal drama between Alex, Ikami, Mothy and Alex’s friends, i’m sorry to say this, is such a nothing burger and is frankly inappropriate to add in an allegation document of grooming. It would’ve been way better to have just stuck to the main matter of all of this from the very start, that Mothy was talking inappropriately in the proship server, anything else is not something that I will care about.

Overall, the document is a case in which the more you try to make sense of it, the more it falls apart. Whenever it’s because of lacking context, trivial information which distracts from the main point, an unrelated party which was dragged in and framed without any actual proof, ect. Or that is at least how i feel. 4) - final thoughts. Now, with everything i've said above, i'd like to emphasize, I do not want anyone in this situation to get harassed as that will amount to nothing.

All that I personally wish is for Mothy to seek help with the issues that they have, work to get better and for something like this never to happen again (which, considering their apology post. It sounds like they're not afraid to admit fault, which is a first step). For the minors to take care. And for everyone here to perhaps consider and be mindful how they spend their time online and in what spaces, as from what I've seen in my time on the internet, the proship space and those similar has many times been the breeding ground for predatory weirdos to take advantage of those younger and vulnerable.

If you have questions or anything you want to say, you are more than free to reach out to me privately, as I'm not going to clutter up my blog with replies to reblogs. Of course with that being said, keep in mind, i will not tolerate insults, slurs or threats of any kind.

Here's the links to the document posts of both Alex and Ikami so you can read and come to your own informed opinion on all of this.

Have a good day folks.

(And please, for the love of god. When it comes to allegations online, always take it with a grain of salt until both sides have spoken. I’ve seen countless times where false allegations have ruined people’s reputations and lives. And I would rather wait than look like an idiot.)

[darkforestdreams]

Uh, hi Ikami...

I'm so sorry I left you. I'm so sorry, the stuff going on was too much for me to handle and I wanted to distance myself from the whole situation. I checked in on you a few times, but you were taking a break (legit super good call on that; I'm sure you needed it), and I thought you just left altogether--that's on me.

What happened was unfair to you, especially with the nonsense you already have to deal with. And I just... abandoned you. I'm so, so sorry for doing that and hurting you.

It's great to know you've been healing, though. I've kind of stopped watching the shows, too, at least the storyline episodes. I still enjoy the gaming and reaction videos, but the stories are just exhausting at this point. I'll focus on fanfics and my own AUs for TSBS stories, still keeping on the outskirts of the fandom, and I think it's about time I just start enjoying cartoons again~.

But ouch over the back-pain. Do you have a heating pad you can lay on? Are you able to do any stretching? Maybe laying on your stomach and straightening your back?

Clown weekly check in!!!

Time for that weekly check in!!! It is your lovely clown! So how this week been? Is it good, bad or maybe it was a just a meh week. All are okay! If you have a good week, that's fantastic! A bad week I hope your week gets better!!!

Question of the week:

What is your favorite musical?

Thank you for checking on me for all this time 💗

I'm sorry for not responding earlier. I needed the time of from Tumblr. I wanted to talk to you in DMs but I think that you have them disabled.

I was thinking what to right cause the last two months were a rollercoaster of emotions. I was lied to by a friend and because of that I was dragged into a drama and I was falsly accused of awful things. I lost a bunch of friends, my moots, because of that. It hurt really badly but I'm feeling better now.

I still have friends who care about me and didn't believe that call out document. I'm grateful for that 💗

Thank you so much for everything. I can't thank you and the rest of my friends and those who supported me through everything enough 🥺

I'll try to answer previous questions but maybe aside from how was these past weeks cause I want to move past the drama. I'm no longer in sams and related shows fandom and I'm currently not watching these shows as well.

Beside that I'm having back-pain. It's been two weeks since it started and it's not getting any better 🥲

About musicals.. I didn't watch any yet 😭🙏 but I wish to watch some nxnxnxnxnxnxnxn some day some day nzjznxznznz

Thank you once again for everything, friend 🫂💗

[darkforestdreams]

Thank you Matt!

Been working on this for awhile in appreciation of EmpVslentine and all he's done for the TSBS community with his wonderful characters! ❤️💜

Also def making this my wallpaper

[darkforestdreams]

Jingle jingle, daycare attendant comfy edit. Hit em with the teehee.

Characters🎨@smoljeanius Background 🎨 @amberluvsbugs ☀️🔊Kyle Allen Music 🌙🔊Corey Wilder

[darkforestdreams]

To quote a line from Roxanne to Eclipse from a fic written by @inkykuro:

"You are the best. You are the best."

New episode killed last bits of my humanity.

[darkforestdreams]

(Quietly whispering to self)

There is good in the world. There is good in the world. There has to be good in the world...

✨Pretty floor mosaics✨

[darkforestdreams]

Z - ...

>song

coming from my youth's extensive dog phase: my long travels companion! ready for all modes of transportation! flying, driving, sailing, it can do it all. love them

i'm sure astute pokemon enjoyers can guess where the base shape originally came from

[darkforestdreams]

Honestly, today's finale for LaES left me feeling hollow and sad more than anything. I fully understand that Kat and Reed want to move on, and I fully respect that, but... this last arc could have been handled so much better if the siblings took accountability for hurting Lunar and helped him as much as they helped Earth. Lunar must feel like the mistake of the family when he was the first new sibling...

ALSO, NOT COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME.

I'm starting to feel like the Celestial family will never learn that lesson, and it makes me want to slam my head against the wall because I CANNOT STAND BAD COMMUNICATION TROPES.

I still love and empathize with Sun, but man, he messed up. They all did.

Also WHY COULD SOLAR NOT BE THERE TO SAY GOODBYE!? GOD, HE'S DEALING WITH ENOUGH PAIN ALREADY!

To the fans that say Sun isn't the reason Lunar is leaving-

He's not the reason.

He's the CATALYST.

Words have consequences, people. And if we're gonna bitch out Lunar for going off on Ruin, then Sun deserves the same treatment here.

(Now, I adore Sun, but this episode he was in the wrong.)

[darkforestdreams]

Lunar may have screwed up, but his siblings kicked him out and left him with no direction to go. And, not to mitigate Earth's pain or ANYONE in real life going through chronic pain, but didn't they establish multiple times that they could transfer her to a new body?

Why haven't they done that yet?

Fun Advice for Siblings/Family Members

Understandable and valid: Being angry/upset with one's sibling/misc family member because they have done something that has made you angry/upset.

Crude, childish and not at all valid: Using your anger/emotions as justification for lashing out at them and treating them like dirt overall, especially if you didn't even tell them they hurt you.

This also applies to couples! Hope this helps. :)