darlingillustrations

[darlingillustrations]

Survival Series

My latest art series is about resilience. It is about staying tender in a harsh world, about choosing hope in the face of despair.

A few years ago, I was learning about the history of violence against the queer community and I wanted to do something about it, to create something that would honor the losses of those who have gone before while carving out a path forward for a better future.

Each animal and plant featured in this series are endangered flora and fauna, and the subjects that I used as inspiration for each character are people who were lost to violence against the queer community.

I think it is important to recognize that, even in the face of countless losses, even when a species feels like it is on the verge of extinction, as long as a handful survive, they stand a chance of making it through.

We are the survivors. We continue to live with tenderness and virtue and joy, not in spite of our losses, but as a way of honoring those who have come before us.

Years ago, when I was in the depths of despair and struggling to figure out how to exist in a world that seemed to not have a place for me, three things saved me—the poetry of Mary Oliver, the song Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, and the Reminder Series by @reapersun . With Reapersun’s encouragement, I used his art as inspiration to bring this dream to life on the ten year anniversary of his art release.

I hope my art will help remind a new generation of people how to survive in the face of a difficult and violent world. I’ve been working hard on getting a Kickstarter to release the Survival Series as a calendar. Keep your eyes open for a launch date next week!

This writing first appeared in my newsletter. Link to sign up here. Never miss an update!

[darlingillustrations]

Be Joyful. None of this matters.

This year I'm bringing back 2018 Tumblr nihilism. It’s all Bohemian Rhapsody and living in the moment and not letting the overwhelming weight of our world crush us with despair. This tumblr post in particular encapsulates the emotion that I'm after: “If nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do."

This is the emotion that I want to offer in my new series.

To me, this is what HOPE looks like when we exist in a world like the one we find ourselves in.

In this series, I feature endangered animals who are framed by endangered flora. Each anthropomorphic animal is holding a sign upon which is written an ethos for the month. For example, here you see a Black-Footed Ferret framed by Sacramento Mountains Thistle with a sign that reads: “Be Humble. Everyone is in pain.”

Each sign is going to have a different drying pattern. I love the way this one is creating beautiful watercolor drying patterns.

So then I tried to go back and rework some other signs to get a similar effect. I won’t know if I was successful till the paint dries!

I’m also fond of the drying pattern on this one. I think it looks a little like a starry sky, and I just hope that it’s not too busy for the piece as a whole.

People often ask me how long it takes to make my art. The truest answer is--each painting has been a lifetime in the making, and the actual process of painting is a drop in the cosmic bucket of how long I've been thinking about each individual piece I develop.

I have been developing this particular art series for about two years--planning it, researching it, dreaming about it--and these next few weeks I will be in the thick of things, putting paint to paper.

When things are all done, I will have TWELVE new images for you, and they will be put together in my FIRST CALENDAR.

My hope is to fund the calendar this June with a Kickstarter.

Stay tuned to see even more sneak peeks of my painting process and follow the progression of the project!

Next week I'm going to talk about the Tumblr artist who was a huge inspiration for this project and who encouraged me to develop this series!

PATREON EXCLUSIVE

I have TWO COLORING SHEETS from this series available to my Patreon supporters. If that's your jam, hop on over to my Patreon and grab the downloads!

This writing first appeared in my newsletter. If you don't want to miss out on updates to this project, sign up for my newsletter here!

[darlingillustrations]

Thoughts from a Post-Evangelical Girlie

The traditions of cult-like evangelical churches are not meant to “save” anyone. They are meant to teach impressionable youths and young adults that the world is full of hate so that the toxicity of their church feels like community in comparison.

Door knocking doesn’t save souls, it creates an environment where doors are slammed in your face. Telling your friends they are going to hell outrages people. Excommunicating a church member who deviates from church doctrine doesn’t bring them back, it isolates existing members by severing a bond that otherwise could have survived.

I was raised to believe that “no one loves me but the church,” but saying it now, I realize it sounds like an abusive relationship. If a husband tells his wife that she’s lucky to be with him, that no one else would put up with her, no one else but him could ever love her–that’s emotional abuse.

Fascism and tyranny are run by hate and fear, but our bonds of love and community are stronger than that.

I’m thinking of these things now, after Trump’s first 100 Days. His approval is abysmal. Many people who voted for him are regretting that decision. It takes courage to see how you were wrong. It takes courage to grow.

I want to welcome anyone who realizes they made a mistake and give them a chance to stand together with us and make things right. Let’s push each other to be our best selves–to stand against bigotry and tyranny, and to defeat hated with love.

This writing first appeared in my newsletter. If you want to get notified for new issues, sign up for my newsletter here.

[darlingillustrations]

STICKERS are now LIVE in my shop!!!!

Courage Is Contagious

This weekend over $500 was stolen from me. While I was working at a craft fair, someone hacked my EBT card and drained my funds of the money that I rely on to feed my kids. This all happened shortly after the account was funded by the state, so I lost the rollover money I was scrupulously budgeting from last month to use for grocery shopping today as well as all the money for the next 30 days.

Because of everything happening with the federal government, my food benefits will not be refunded. They are gone.

I am still in shock about what happened. Even through this injustice, I know I will be okay. There are food banks in Tacoma I can use in an emergency.

But that doesn’t change the fact that we live in the richest nation in the world, and the people we elected failed to protect a program like Food Stamps, which helps vulnerable people ensure their kids remain fed even when theft like this occurs.

We are the people of this nation, and our needs matter.

On Saturday, something else happened, too, and it was far more important. Over 5 million people showed up to protest, demonstrating that the voices of the people matter.

We will not back down from authoritarianism and greed.

Take heart, dear friends. Courage is contagious. And we will get through these difficult times together.

HELP SUPPORT MY SHOP

I’m running a preorder for my new Calico Jill painting to fund the creation of stickers! You can preorder your stickers here.

Thanks for all your support!

This writing originally appeared in my newsletter. If you don't want to miss out in future newsletters, sign up here.

[darlingillustrations]

Choosing Pleasure

I don’t know what is going to happen three months from now. Hell–I don’t know what is going to happen three weeks from now. What I have is today. What I have is this moment, right now, and I want to let my happiness guide me like a divining rod.

I met someone who I like. It is still very new. In all likelihood, it is too soon to even be talking about it, but as I sit here trying to write this week’s newsletter, it is all I can think about–the way he makes joy so effortless, his golden retriever energy, the passion he has for his kids.

I am afraid to be happy, because what if it doesn’t last? What if I love only to lose? What if I find joy only to have it ripped away?

I want connection anyways.

Healing is painful, and we have all suffered so many wounds. But we are still here–loving, living, surviving. I’m not giving up on myself.

I’m taking my time warming up to my new crush. I am doing my best to break old patterns, to not center my happiness around any one person, but to keep my own pleasure at the center of my desires.

I think the key thing to keep in mind is that I can trust myself. If I follow my gut and listen to my instincts, I can make choices that are in my best interests.

And it is important to me to have the courage to follow joy and love and hope, no matter where they lead.

This writing first appeared as part of my newsletter. If you don't want to miss out on new writing, sign up for my newsletter here.

[darlingillustrations]

Courage Is Contagious

This weekend over $500 was stolen from me. While I was working at a craft fair, someone hacked my EBT card and drained my funds of the money that I rely on to feed my kids. This all happened shortly after the account was funded by the state, so I lost the rollover money I was scrupulously budgeting from last month to use for grocery shopping today as well as all the money for the next 30 days.

Because of everything happening with the federal government, my food benefits will not be refunded. They are gone.

I am still in shock about what happened. Even through this injustice, I know I will be okay. There are food banks in Tacoma I can use in an emergency.

But that doesn’t change the fact that we live in the richest nation in the world, and the people we elected failed to protect a program like Food Stamps, which helps vulnerable people ensure their kids remain fed even when theft like this occurs.

We are the people of this nation, and our needs matter.

On Saturday, something else happened, too, and it was far more important. Over 5 million people showed up to protest, demonstrating that the voices of the people matter.

We will not back down from authoritarianism and greed.

Take heart, dear friends. Courage is contagious. And we will get through these difficult times together.

HELP SUPPORT MY SHOP

I’m running a preorder for my new Calico Jill painting to fund the creation of stickers! You can preorder your stickers here.

Thanks for all your support!

This writing originally appeared in my newsletter. If you don't want to miss out in future newsletters, sign up here.

[darlingillustrations]

Courage is Contagious - inspired by Kamala's words at the Leading Women Defined summit, i made a new sketch-- thinking i might paint this one

[darlingillustrations]

We Are Resilient

I had a rough weekend. Clem, my 9 year old, came down with a head cold, and I was fighting it as well. My craft fair Saturday was cancelled, and while I knew I needed the rest, I panicked because I needed the income to pay my bills. More than anything, I needed to get out in my community and feel less alone.

I had a bit of a breakdown this weekend. Yesterday, talking with my brother, I explained that it felt like I was going through heartbreak, but I was confused because I have no breakup to assign these feelings of grief to. Or so I thought.

It is the world we live in that is making my heart ache. It is the horrible news and the pervasive reasons to despair. Without an event to fill my Saturday, and with my weak body restricting me to my bed, it all hit me at once how sad everything is. And I wept.

We are not the first people to face horrors and oppression. This is not the first time in history that a regime has extended the long arm of cruelty and authority over its most vulnerable people. But I am a person of faith, and I believe that there are forces more powerful than politicians, that there are foundations more solid than nations.

My new Passover card arrived, and I’ve added it to my shop. The artwork tells the story of the 10 Plagues, when God sent disasters to Egypt while Pharaoh’s heart remained hard. God saved his people from an unthinkably cruel and domineering situation, not because they were stronger or more powerful. He saved them because they were his people. No matter what you believe in, hold onto hope in these troubling days. Hold fast to your people. Come together in community and be a haven for each other. While the world around us becomes hard of heart, remain soft with your loved ones.

This writing first appeared in my newsletter. If you don't want to miss out on future issues, sign up here.

[darlingillustrations]

I was so excited today to have my first career counselling call.

I have been working hard and working smart in my business, but I've been struggling to raise my income to a stable and sustainable level, especially with all the inflation. And I was so excited to come to the table with all my different things I'm doing and ask for advice.

At the end of the call, the guy was basically repeating two suggestions over and over: 1) You should get a part time job instead of focusing on work. 2) You should stop doing what you are doing and pivot to something else.

I'm LIVID.

I am a queer artist, and I feel like it is important now more than ever to be a queer artist and to keep making my work and doing my business!

I have MULTIPLE diverse revenue streams!!

But instead of listening to me and trying to help me get those different revenue streams to work for me better, his advice was to quit???

My hands were shaking as I typed this, I'm so mad.

[darlingillustrations]

Today is a high pain day. There is a pain in my chest, lodged up under my ribs and stabbing me under my shoulder blade. It has been there for four days.

My doctor thinks this is stress.

As I type this, I am lying in my bed, wiping tears from my eyes. I don’t know what I’m crying for anymore. Everything hurts in our society right now. Survival mode sometimes feels like the only mode, not just for me but for those closest to me as well.

I think I’m going to start referring to my found family just as my family, because they are what is real to me. I have a brother who is not bound to me by blood but by spirit. We talked for three hours Saturday night, and he supported me as I opened up about my worries and fears.

I have a best friend who is more dear to me than a lover. I have an aunt who stands by me like a mother. I have community and work peers and countless acquaintances that I can connect with at any given moment. And yet I still struggle with feeling unsafe. Is it simply a human emotion, this feeling of vulnerability?

Everything about me is queer. I don’t fit in. I’ve been weird all my life, and those who accept me for my oddball tendencies are the same people with whom I’ve nurtured a lifetime of secure attachments.

Maybe I should start referring to my community as my real country, a collection of like-minded people who are fierce with our love and intentional with our energy.

I want to make tender art that brings people together and reminds us that love is stronger than hatred. I want to bring people hope. I want to feel that hope, myself.

I want my life to be an act of joyful resistance. I want to resist. And I will…

…just as soon as I can find the strength to get out of bed.

This writing first appeared in my newsletter. I send out a new email each Monday to my mailing list. Sign up here and never miss an update.

[darlingillustrations]

target fucked around, and now they find out

[darlingillustrations]

Do you have an image of parenting or family that you would like me to consider painting? Send it my way! Your scene might be featured in my next artwork series.

The paintings in this post are all based on photographs that people submitted to me when I asked for images of motherhood or fatherhood.

I am especially interested in scenes of queer family or photos of queer parents.

I want to paint your family next!

Submission Guidelines:

Submit 1-3 photos

Email your submission to me at hello@darlingillustrations.com

Include the subject: Photo Submission

I will reply to your email to confirm I received your submission.

Thanks y'all!

[darlingillustrations]

Popping my head in to let y'all know I'm working on something new!

A collection of Tiny Treasures will be coming soon. These will be small original paintings that I will sell framed and ready to hang. I do not intend to make art prints out of these original pieces--each painting will be unique to you!

My Newsletter Subscribers will get the first look, so what are you waiting for? Sign up today.

[darlingillustrations]

I'm working on new paintings! I'm calling them Tiny Treasures bc they are only 2.5 x 3.5 inches each. Here is the progress that I made on them today

[darlingillustrations]

buy some bagels, grab some cards... This Saturday!

[darlingillustrations]

Tarry On

There are people in this world who want us to despair and disappear. The best defiance we can give this world is to resist with joy.

Years ago, the hardest thing about my divorce was never losing a spouse. It was the way I was shunned by the people in my life. I was abandoned by my parents, my siblings, my in-laws, my church, my best friends.

I was poor. I didn’t have a car. I didn’t have money for food. I was in danger of losing my home. I was chronically sick and sad and grieving so deeply.

So I painted.

I painted my pain. I painted my life. I painted through my loneliness. The painting itself was an act of determination: I would not give up.

I love you. I do. I know this moment hurts so much. It hurts for me, too. But I love you in the midst of that. We are in this together.

Sit down and weep. Rage and scream. Take all the time you need to feel this moment.

You might not be ready to feel this right now, but I want you to be aware: there is joy waiting for you. So don’t give up. When joy comes for you, please choose it.

When I tell you that I am hopeful, I want you to know that my hope was forged in the fires of loss. When I tell you that we can survive the next four years, I say this as someone who has survived more horror than you will ever know about.

When I lost the foundation in my life, I painted this scene, the one I am sharing with you today. It is a painting I titled “Tarry On.” To me, this painting captures what it felt like to want to nurture and protect my kids while gathering the strength I needed from them in order to look to a better tomorrow.

When I first painted this scene, I only made it available to people who supported my Patreon. I have never made it available for sale in my shop. If ever there was a moment to bring back this art, now is that moment.

In the same way that our grief connects us, I want our hope to connect us, as well.

When you hang this art in your home, I want you to remember that there is a rainbow waiting for us on the other side of these storm clouds. When you see this art, I want you to know that we are connected. We are part of the same community.

You will never be alone.

Buy this art print in my shop. Here is the link.

This writing was originally part of my newsletter. Sign up here.

[darlingillustrations]

What Do We Do Now?

I wept this morning.

I openned up my phone and scrolled tumblr. We are all freaking out. Understandably.

My friends are hurt by the people in their lives. People are blaming, unfriending, lashing out. This is human.

On TikTok, a woman in a bathrobe went out into her snowy yard and screamed.

I am lying in my bed, thinking about my kids, thinking about the world they are growing up in. I don’t recognize it. I grew up surrounded by hate, and I got out of it. I don’t understand why so many people can support someone who makes me feel so unsafe. I don’t understand.

Maybe I never will. Maybe it is not mine to understand.

You already know the reasons why I am afraid. You already know why my heart is breaking. I’m sure that yours is breaking, too.

All I know how to move forward is to move through this moment, and the best way I know how to do that is through my art.

Five years ago, in the midst of Trump’s first term, I made this painting, the one at the top of this post. I never made it available for sale in my shop, but I think, if ever there was a moment to bring it back, this is that moment. I’m reaching out to my printer today.

America is painted overwhelmingly red. That is the reality we live in. But the deeper reality is that there are many colors in the rainbow. We are that rainbow. We exist, one way or another. We tarry on. We have no choice but to find reasons to hope. And–when hope is not possible–we have to let ourselves cry.

Tears are like rainfall. Shine some light through them, and there’s a rainbow on the other side.

In closing, here are words from Mary Oliver to help you on this difficult day:

Wild Geese You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting - over and over announcing your place in the family of things.

You have a place here. Take heart, dear friends. We will tarry on together.

This writing originally appeared in my newsletter. Sign up for my newsletter here.