darthraydor

[darthraydor]

gonna whine for a quick minute. scroll on

this entire month just solidifies the feeling i’ve had my entire damn life that i’m disposable. I'm not a permanent fixture in anyone's life and never have been. people use me when they need me then when they're done, or if i no longer serve them, or they find something better, they dump me without a word - let alone even a brief look back. get bored of me? fair, understood, i'm too much for myself most days. no longer providing you the entertainment or free services you thought you liked me for? ghost ghost ghost.

congratulations on your engagement. i’m so happy for you, really, truly, completely thrilled for you. but why, when you were literally in the other room, did i have to find out through a fucking facebook life event post? you couldn't tell me directly after you had me uproot my entire goddamn life - pulled me by the neck from where we were raised, where i was happy because you needed help. i did it because you're my sister, and i love you, and your daughter - but now you go and pull this shit with no warning? come on.

now, i wake up this morning after your decided to announce and dip out of state (loving the fact you just assumed i'd look after your animals for you with no word of how long you'll be gone and low food stores for the dog. i will, because they don't deserve abandonment for your cheap thrills) to the news that you've now started the process of selling the house we live in so you can move two counties away to live with him?

ass, meet curb. curb, meet ass.

i’ve lived my entire fucking life coming to everyone else’s rescue and helping other people: dropped out of high school to take care of my sisters after my mom died when i was 16. got them through school then was kicked out of the house when my dad decided to remarry so her daughter (who's older than me, and also was my bully in high school, but who's keeping track) could move in instead. put off college to take care of my grandmother when she got sick after she took me in after being thrown out at 17 (was happy to do that, she was an angel that came to my rescue more than once.)

so when you announced your engagement on fucking facebook before telling me directly that felt intentional. you want to be passive? bet i can match that energy. you announced, i went to lowes and stocked up on moving boxes. got half my shit packed in about three hours last night. the benefit of working where i do is that the second i clock in i can get paid for doing my own ltl freight quotes for a move out of state.

i hope things work out for you, i really do. but your timing is shit (you were there when we lost apollo a week ago so this is just the icing on the fucking cake) and your communication skills need work, especially since you know I'm stuck in this hell state until at least the new year because of work obligations and now all but homeless.

[darthraydor]

yesterday we found out my grouchy punk-ass baby has lymphoma. we took her to the vet last summer for concerns about weight loss, though her appetite hadn’t decreased at that point. they ran a blood test, said she wasn’t anemic, and sent her home with a ‘we don’t know, but here’s a week’s worth of steroid and antibiotics’. she responded a bit when she was on those, but started to decline again not long after. she was about 9lbs at the time, down from her usual 12-13lbs.

when she stopped eating entirely a few days ago, stopped passing waste, and stopped grooming i made an emergency appointment at a different vet. they did a full work up. she’s down to 5.5lbs and so dehydrated her blood was almost black when they drew it for tests. they did an x-ray and confirmed a mass in her belly a little larger than a golf ball.

i don’t want to be selfish and keep her around suffering if she’s uncomfortable but her personality is still there. she’s still an absolute bitch, to both us and the med staff; still starts fights with her sister and hisses and spits at my sister’s cats. even the vet commented on how fiesty she was. so we’ve started her on steroids to hopefully boost her thirst and appetite and keep her comfortable for as long as possible. they’re saying maybe a year on the outside, though i do not anticipate any quality of life beyond a few more months.

she’s had her first dose and we’ll continue to monitor. she got a burger patty last night for dinner - vet said give her whatever she’ll eat, whatever she wants, even 20 churu’s a day - but was too nauseous for more than a few bites. depending on her status we may or may not go back in a month for an ultrasound. i don’t want her uncomfortable or in pain but i don’t want her to leave me, i’m not ready 😭

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[darthraydor]

hey, just, real quick -

what’s it like to be happy?

[darthraydor]

when did this stop being fun

[darthraydor]

oh, OH -

me, walking up to the counter: “g’mornin’ what can we do for for you?

customer: *flat out ignores me*

boss: *points* “she’s ready for you, sir”

c: *still ignoring me* “i will not do business with her because she refuses take her mask off”

m: “great, i can help whoever is next!”

c: *starts demanding i be fired*

b: *glares at me like i’m the one who did something wrong*

updating your resume on a work computer during work hours during a training webinar feels wrong, but

[darthraydor]

it really is crazy how quickly people were willing to just let chatgpt do everything for them. i have never even tried it. brother i don't even know if it's just a website you go to or what. i do not know where chatgpt actually lives, because i can decide my own grocery list.

[darthraydor]

If you clicked on and read a fanfiction that had tags or a description that upset you and you were upset by it, that's your responsibility, not the author's responsibility.

If you were reading a fanfiction and you got to an unexpected part that disturbed you and you kept reading after you were disturbed, that was your choice and your responsibility, not the author's.

No one is forcing you to read fanfiction that upsets you. The back button is your friend.

If you are reading a piece of fanfiction it's because it interests you. Horrified fascination counts as interest. No fanfiction is holding you hostage and forcing you to read it.

[darthraydor]

updating your resume on a work computer during work hours during a training webinar feels wrong, but

[darthraydor]

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[darthraydor]

bit mad innit. This whole thing

[darthraydor]

conservative christians are so annoying because they want to be persecuted for their religion desperately but they live in the most aggressively christian place on earth. so they'll be like "I can't believe you hate me for being christian" and you'll respond "no I don't care what your religion is, I was raised protestant just like everyone else around here, I hate you because you voted for a fascist who wants to kill everyone I love and start world war three" and they'll just keep on with "why do you hate me for being christian" "I literally don't, it's the fascism thing. I'm going to stop speaking with you." "you can try to punish me for my faith but I will never abandon the LORD." "good for you keep it up but could you stop voting for fascists while you do that." "this is just like when the romans fed us to lions."

[darthraydor]

"Anything is fine as long as it's legal" is not the sex positive position you think it is. Anything can be criminalised. Anything can be decriminalised.

[darthraydor]

Oh my god, I was also obsessed with Achy Breaky Heart! (But to be fair to bb!us, that song *was* ridiculously popular. I remember the church picnic having performers who line danced to it.)

were you even a child in the early 90s if you didn't get down on some billy ray?

[darthraydor]

reblog and put in the tags the earliest songs you remember actively liking as a child (asking adults to play them for you, learning the lyrics, being excited when they came on the radio etc.)

[darthraydor]

guys, it’s been a shitty month

[darthraydor]

#especially when person a is internally a hot mess and person bis a former cia operative - @paradox-n-bedrock

this is the best quote tag of all time, everyone else can go home 😂

(insp)