dasalkemiester

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Shitfuck dressed up to make sex jokes :3

Here are some doodles of Valentine, my absolute favorite npc to play in my dnd game - he's toooootally not been mixed up with my michael distortion hyperfixation at all nooooo

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Update: my tummy hurted

"oh boy", I say as I consume my subway sandwich. "I love the taste of artificial freshness"

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"oh boy", I say as I consume my subway sandwich. "I love the taste of artificial freshness"

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I think if pigs took over we'd lose. I know me and 7 buddies couldn't take a full grown pig. We'd die.

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Tragic:

Man left with a little too much salsa after over-rationing it with his chips.

More at 11

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Me when I see a yellow muscle car:

HOLY FUCKING SHIT BUBBLEBEE?!?

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vamps.png

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No one appreciates my genius

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What an autistic person says: "How long is it going to take?"

What they mean: "I want to know whether to activate my short term waiting mode where I just wait and do nothing else, or activate my long term waiting mode where I occupy my mind with something else. I fully understand that both are possibilities, and I have no problem whatsoever with either one, but I want more information so I can best adapt to the situation."

What neurotypical people hear: "I am impatient and demand that everything I want happen right now. Please scold me and publicly humiliate me for it."

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whats cool about being trans is my parents are totally right. i did kill their beautiful son. im the thing that animates his corpse in an ever more convincing parody of a happy girl. i devoured him from the inside out and now there is nothing left of him and he is dead dead dead and there is only me, with my hollow eyes and dark eyeliner and long hair, and my big smile. my limp, effeminate gestures belie the marionetting of the boy they loved. my fagginess is his death. already his body becomes a fitter home for my parasitism in full; the tits, the hips, the thighs. sorry about your kid. thanks for the biomass <3

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do you think the TSA judge how people pack their clothes in suitcases

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yeah

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i think everyone needs to adopt "i didnt say it was good, i said i liked it" into their vocabulary right now. it did me wonders

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they should rewrite the bible so that jesus would be a hot 5'2 girl with a creampie fetish from missouri

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Reblog this if you are literally suprised when people find you attractive.