dash-sapien

[dash-sapien]

If you catch me dancing and singing on a random work day, Weds at 4 pm, it is not bc my life is perfect and I am carefree. It is bc life is rough, living is tough and I am beginning to recognize that I am having a rare, good, happy day and I'm going to celebrate the he'll out of it. Please don't kill my vibe. Now back to the music...." ♡Imma bout to pull up, hit switch, pull curtains... "

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If you think you can think your way out of your mind, you're normal.

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Today was another day of self disappointment and letting others down. I feel myself slipping back into the void. Must claw my way out. You do not cower in the face of adversity. You face it head on and take whatever comes your way. Do not let your mind play tricks on you. You are not a failure. Read it. Believe it. You are okay. Read it. Internalize it. Don't be so hard on yourself. Read it. Actualize it. Part of feeling better is doing better. Don't think crazy. Just unclentch...

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Stillness. What I need at the moment. Presence. Put this thing down...

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Found out my Grandma passed this morning at the age of 89. I am at a profound loss. Relieved that she is no longer suffering but this incredibly big hole in my chest from not being able to attend her funeral overseas. Covid. Fucking covid. I think I am alright but nothing about this situation is okay. It is the furthest thing from okay. Since the day I understood death as a child, not one sec did I ever think I would be forced to miss the funeral of the woman that helped raise me. No, it is not okay. None of this is remotely okay. I feel like I am being torn to pieces. Does anything mean anything these days? Or are we all supposed to live in our heads, feel our feelings and just succumb? Powerless, I feel. Today is not a day to be happy. Today is and always will be a sad day. I don't think any human words can articulate the whole of how fucked up I have internalized the world at this moment. Today will be a day of push and pull; look at what I have in my life-happy. Look at what is going on around my life-empathic sadness. I will get through this like everything else. Grandma did not raise a weak constitute. We are tough people. Just wish we didn't have to be so tough. I'm rambling my thoughts and they are not reading very coherent. Ahh, fuck it..

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If the human experience and existence is a simulation, would anyone really care?

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Time is relative. Relative to the observed and the observer. Relative to one's wishes. When you wish time could slow down, it seems to speed up; when you wish time to pass by faster, it seems to slow down. The paradox of feeling hot and cold at the same time, hate and love at the same time, selfish and empathic at the same time, defines the push and pull of everything that surrounds us. Encases us. Often times limiting us. The ying and yang. Light within darkness. Darkness within light. Creation and destruction. Have faith in the way things are. The universe tends to unravel as it should.

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You are not what you think. What you think, you are not.

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Happy Friday! This week has been very rough and work is work. But I am happy and feel lighter. I look forward to spending time with my son and telling him how much I love him. I do this every chance I get but I still feel I'm constantly running out of time. Life is too short. Must never forget the peaceful and present moments when everything seems to slow down and all you can feel is the love of your child and the calm of a clear and empty mind. Hope everyone finds some respite in the coming days. 🙏

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Must stop having delusions of grandeur.

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After work dose. Numb the pain. Drown out the voices. Hope is up..

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Must snap out of it. Do not dwell in the past. Let go of all that the mind conjures and come back. Come back into the present. The maze will consume you. The path gets narrower. Your feet become boulders. You get stuck. Reach and stretch for the light. If only....

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Preferred pronouns, adjectives and stages of evolution.

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Marita Madio, “QUÈTU”

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