dereksdumbwritersdump

[dereksdumbwritersdump]

His brain shut off almost immediately, the minute that word left his lips. Dad. He'd called this man, who wasn't his father, dad. And he was struck still with embarrassment, his heartbeat being the only thing he could hear. Unconsciously, he'd stood up and began leaving the living room. Heading to Luciens bedroom, with a storm of shame stirring in his eyes. Luciens room was the only place he could go to ridicule himself in peace, alone. But of course, the silence hardly lasted. As he sank to the floor, he payed no mind to the knock coming from the door on the other side of the room. Eventually, it opened with a soft creek and a pair of beautiful eyes that held a concerning expression in them. The man said nothing, and only approached Name just barely, his glasses reflecting Names miserable eyes back to him. It was the kind of misery that wasn't quite broken, but being held together by scotch tape. Lucien scooted closer, just an inch, and reached out his hand wanting to wipe Names tears. Though Names back was already pushed against the wall as much as it could be, he pushed his back against it more, not wishing to be touched. And as Luciens hand fell back, the silence became so much louder. "I.....called him dad-" he choked, still refusing to let his tears fall. "I called him dad-" you could hear the metaphorical scotch tape being stripped from him, as he began to crumble. ".....i-....i called him dad-" his hands began fidgeting with his hair as he fell apart. "......hes not my dad...." he'd stopped trying to keep the tape on, and you could just hear how defeated he was. ".....he's not my dad.....i-....i dont have one....i dont know why I said that- i- i dont have one-" his voice was always quite tired, sad and miserable, but when he cried it was like listening to an already injured puppy be kicked. Everything in his brain seemed to halt when he called this man Dad....and for a moment, he felt good. It felt good. But eventually he realized it wasn't real, his dad was never there like he pretended sometimes. "My dad just....he just....." His voice began to fade. He was too tired to recall everything his father had done...he was just too tired. He began to fall forward to rest his head onto Lucien, pulling himself close to the one person who hadn't left him yet. The one person who was keeping him from shattering completely. "......dont go....please-" as he whispered to Lucien, his fingers tightened around his shoulders. ".....please-...." he begged, with a tired, exhausted breathe as he closed his eyes.

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"....what is it....that you see before you...." she whispered as tears fell from her eyes. Her voice shook like an echo bouncing around walls, never very sturdy and not very powerful. Full of grace and elegance, but as unstable as a crystal. Her body motioned as if it wasn't her own, as if she was a spirit conditioned to carry this spiritless corpse with her "What is it....that you see....that is so....worth it to you...." she never understood how anyone could truly love her. When her eyes fell onto the reflection of her, she felt something erupt within her stomach. Seeing herself made her want to claw her eyes out of her skull and dig her intestines from the pit of her stomach. Yet...this person didn't want to do the same, which confused her so much. When they touched her hand, she froze as fear struck her heart. Fear is what it was, but also expectation. She expected some sort of violence, but when it never arrived she felt...confused. "why....take me in....and trust me....when I've proven nothing to you?" She kept her head down feeling insecure of her face, and what she'd become. "I've only proven that im weak....and...that im incapable....why take in a monster who may only leech off of you and cause you harm...." as she spoke, her eyes lingered down to her deathly sharp fingers. Remembering that day, her words turned into ashes as she thought of the blood on her fingertips.

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Tumblr fucking sucks ass at saving shit. Ive lost like 8 paragraphs in total bc of this stupid app not saving my whit right.

The little light in the elevator flickered, and he watched as it did, hoping, praying it would stay on. He shook and clung to the thin stack of papers he had in his hands, as he struggled to keep himself calm.

As time passed, he began to pace around the little space of the elevator more and more, faster and faster as time ticked. The grays in his hair seemed high-lighted by the little light, and by his stress, they just seemed to stand out more while he was under pressure. Picking up his head in his weird panicy daze, he looked over to his friend.

"Duncan-" he didnt even wait for a response. "Do you think we'll get out of here any time soon-" he was starting to talk a little fast and he started fiddling with the end of his pony tail. They haven't been in here long at all, but he's already started scaring himself and worrying to death. He continued to pace, digging his fingers into his hair. He really needs to get some help with his anxiety, poor baby.

"Course I do Name....I dont think we'll be stuck here too long" He was trying to be comforting before Name got out of hand and lost his shit in the elevator. He seemed to sit quiet for a moment.

"G-...good...i- because I need to get home and take care of shoop-" his voice faded as if he'd just realized something he'd forgotten.

"Shoopie.....no- no no no no this isnt okay at all-" he's always so worried about Shoopie. He lives like he's only here for her and like he's not his own person. The pacing got worse and he was beginning to speak in mumbles. His words were spoken so fast, it got harder to understand him.

"Ihavetogethomeandtakecareofheri-i-i....." Duncan never really knew how to handle Names panic attacks, at least not the part where he paces so severly. Eventually, Name stopped talking, but he was still in a panic regardless. If he loses his mind from being stuck in an elevator for 30 minutes, he really needs some kind of therapy. His head was faced down as he paced back and forth.

Even with his face not visable Duncan could just tell it wasnt going super well. You could hear him try not to cry and see his hands were balled so tightly, and sometimes he still mumbled to himself. Of course, Duncan wasn't just going to sit here and let his friend fucking lose it, he came a little closer and reached out his hand, lightly touching Names fingertips.

Name barely noticed it, but he did, and he sort of harshly pulled his hand away. Name doesnt really like being touched in these situations, it makes him far more tense, but Duncan just needed his attention. "D-dont touch me please i-i.....Im-" he faded out and continued to freak out internally.

"Idontlikeitinherethewallsaretootightandandwhatamisupposedtodoaboutshoopie....whatifshegetshurtorneedssomethingfrommeandandi-..." He was really just suffocating under all his words. The walls kept getting tighter and tighter, and then the light flickered, and went out.

"Nononono....no-" His voice shook, and he let out a depressing whimper as he slid to the ground, his body leaning against the wall with all his weight. At this point, his tired mind cant take all this, and he just proceeded to sob and pop under all the pressure of the situation. Of course, even as he sobbed, he tried to keep quiet so Duncan wouldnt hear, and he tried to push it back down and cover it all up. Of course, that didnt work at all.

"Hey...hey name......" He slid down to the floor as well, sort of in front of him, still giving him space however. "Name....can you hear me dude...." You have to ask these things with Name because sometimes, if he gets too deep within his own panic he really cant hear anything. Shoopie taught him that one, she also most likely taught him about how to deal with him while he's like this as well.

"Name....?" He's just concerned and wants to do his best to help before Name fucking suffocates. Despite knowing Name doesnt like being touched while like this, Duncan just lightly tapped his palm to try and get his attention.

Jerking his head up in another burst of panic, his eyes met Duncans, even in the barely lit elevator. "Can you hear me...." Duncan calmly asked him again.

"Y....y-yeah i-...i can hear you-" He's struggling but doing what he can. "I.....im-m sorry i-.....i dont know w-why i-im s-such a baby about it i just-" He's having a difficult time with everything, and the moments he doesn't speak are moments full of gasps for breath.

"You're okay, just- just listen to my voice and try to breathe okay? Why dont we play that game shoopie told me you liked....i-i know its dim in here but...you think you could try?"

[dereksdumbwritersdump]

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