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[dionysianrose]

Talking to people and finding comfort in the fact that they have absolutely no idea how bad you are doing rn.

[dionysianrose]

If you love Sunrise Avenue, please show your support by subscribing to the YT Channels of Sunrise Ave‘s amazing Guitarist, Riku Rajamaa, who is focussing on his solo career now. It would sure mean a lot to him, so let us prove him we are there to support him.

https://youtube.com/channel/UCVI0Iai-EO1FF9VU2buRN1g

https://youtube.com/channel/UCOO2mu1VRDZMmXvCuNzHApQ

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discussion: do you think clowns are somehow relevant in any way or did gerard just discover a new kink.

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whatever i don’t really care…

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Clown makeup. Amp straddling. (to frank) "no dude I'm not taking my shirt off!". Bury me in black. Going to vocal coaching. Best day ever. I am the buttercup. 80s hulk rant. 80s hulk dramatic reenactment. Fr*rard back pats. Bury me in black. Destroya. Joker cackling. Bury me in black. We love you too. We love you too. We missed you too. Bury me in black.

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My economics test question today:

Create a marketing strategy for veggie burgers.

My brain meanwhile:

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reblog and put in the tags what you remember about the first ever fanfic you read

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skylines!

x

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teamwork 🐝

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NOBODY FUCKING TALK TO ME.

creds to @ gmacamera on instagram

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Anyone else at Purgatory 6, Düsseldorf, Germany?

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His hair looks black :)

gee thought they were in manchester

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So good!

I Promise.

Summary: Things have gotten too much for (y/n) and she decides to take it further but it doesn't go to plan. (Danger Days era).

This is a depressing fic, I wrote it as a comfort fic for myself to do with attempting suicide and I thought it might be able to help other people as well.

Warnings: Suicide, allusion to overdose, depression.

Word count: 1.4K

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My breathing is heavy, it’s the only thing I can hear other than my thumping heart and the sound of my tears dripping onto the floor. I stare at the cabinet as I begin to stand up. Stepping hesitantly towards the cabinet I feel a strike of euphoria. It’s not like the thought of dying hasn’t entered my mind before but now it seems like a desirable outcome.

I reach my hand to the cabinet and curl my fingers around the handle. Feeling the cold metal against my hand I pull back slightly but continue and pull open the door. A variety of pills and drugs are revealed and I’m bombarded with choices. I grab an orange container and recognise it immediately. My anti-depressants.

They haven’t worked, they never do. I take them off the shelf and place them on the counter returning to the cabinet. I rifle through the bottles of pills and settle on a few based on my guess at the most lethal in an overdose.

I place them all on the counter and stare at them. After a few seconds of staring at the bottles, I grab a scrappy piece of paper and pen. I start writing but the pen doesn’t work. I sigh before trudging up the stairs to my room to find a pen. Once I do I return to the kitchen preparing myself for the words I’m about to write. I sit down on the floor, paper and pen in hand, and begin to write a list of names.

“Dear Gerard, Mikey, Frank and Ray,” I say out loud to myself whilst copying it down. “I love you all very much and that’s why I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you how bad things have gotten. I’m sorry for any pain this will cause you.” 

I wipe my tears from my face with my elbow.

“I’m really sorry but this was the only solution, the only outcome fit for the situation. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep going. And to my parents, I’m sorry for all the pain my actions will cause you.”

I have to pause for a second to steady my breathing to continue. Who knew writing a suicide note would be so hard.

“I hope none of you blame yourselves for my actions. I won’t be able to sleep knowing you blame yourselves. I hope you can all move on from me and eventually forget about me.” 

Content with the letter so far I decide to write a section for my fiance.

“Dear Gerard, I hope you know I love you with all of my being, I would give you the world if I could but now all I can do is leave you this letter. A thank you letter, really. Thank you for being the best lover I could wish for, thank you for being my best friend and bandmate. I don’t want you to blame yourself, I want you to live a long happy life which will have to be without me. I’m sorry I’m missing our wedding, I wish I could’ve seen you one more time before I left this world. Love you all, (y/n).” 

I end the letter, overwhelmed by how much I had to say. Now for the easy part: taking the pills.

I lean my head back against the cupboard door, I place my letter on the floor next to me and bring down the bottles of pills from the counter. 

I open the first bottle of pills throwing the lid on the floor not hearing the door open. 

“Goodbye,” I whisper before seeing Gerard’s iconic red hair by the doorway. I lift it up to my mouth hurriedly as I see him running towards me shouting for Frank to get in here.

He’s screaming at me to stop whilst I tip the pills into my mouth, none actually get into my mouth though as he pulls my hand away, taking the bottle off of me. Frank runs to me not far behind Gerard and holds onto me as I yell and grab for the pills.

“No! No! Give it back!” I yell tears streaming down my face. “Please! Please, give it back!” I yell as I see him pour the pills down the sink along with the other three bottles I had prepared.

“No! No, no, no! Stop it!” I yell struggling as Frank holds my arms behind my back.

“Mikey! Ray!” Frank yells holding me back as we both hear the door slam closed.

They both run in as Gerard throws the last empty bottle in the bin.

“No!” I shout as I can feel my tears sticking to my face. “Please, please.” I beg quieter this time as Ray stands in shock and Mikey reaches for the letter I wrote. 

Gerard crouches in front of me tears brimming his eyes. He stays still for a minute the only sound being the sound of me crying. He kneels down and leans forward engulfing me in a hug. I feel Frank loosen his grip and Gerard’s tightens. 

“Why would you do that?” I say quietly as I remain sat on the floor in surprise. 

Silence engulfs the house as everyone stands behind me and Gerard on the floor.

We all stay that way for a good minute or at least until I had calmed down.

Finally I rest my head on Gerard’s shoulder and wrap my arms around him.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper to him now crying for a different reason. 

“Please,” He starts quietly, head tucked behind my shoulder. “Never do that again, please.” He says a defeated undertone to his voice. 

“I don’t want to feel this way anymore.” I say with a trembling voice. 

“What way?” Ray asks.

“Like everyone in the world is against you including your own body and mind.”

“What about us?” Frank says sounding slightly hurt.

“I’m sorry.” I say wiping my eyes pulling away from Gerard.

“I think you should see a doctor.” Gerard suggests quietly.

“Yeah, I think that would be a good idea,” I say struggling not to cry whilst I look at my fiance.

“Do you mind if I go clean my face?” I say after a while. 

They all look very sceptical.

“One of you can come with me if you’d like?” I offer sadly and it ends up being me and Mikey.

I trudge up the stairs Mikey close behind and we make it to the bathroom. He closes the door as I walk in.

“You really scared us.” He says gently.

“I’m so sorry. I really am and I know that’s probably hard to believe but I am so sorry. I love all of you so much.” I step towards him and hug him, he hugs back just as hard. 

“I thought we were going to lose you.” He says voice breaking slightly. “Please don’t do that again, I don’t know what I’d do let alone what my brother would do.”

I wash my face and we go back downstairs. I’m greeted with three concerned faces. 

“Can we talk about it in the morning?” I say tired and not prepared to talk about all my deepest thoughts and feelings. Gerard shows a small, sad smile before taking his hands from his pockets.

“Yeah,” He pauses. “You guys are welcome to stay.” His face says the opposite.

“It’s fine, we’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Frank walks over to me and hugs me. The other two follow suit doing the same.

They shut the door behind them and Gerard an I walk in silence to our landing.

“I can sleep in the spare room if you want.” I say thinking he probably won’t want to see me, he’s probably disgusted by my actions, I know I am.

“Come on.” He says and places his arm around my waist pulling me with him.

We both get changed into pajamas and get into the bed. I turn around to face him.

“I’m so sor-” I start to apologise with tears in my eyes.

“You don’t need to, I’ve been there, I know what it’s like. I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t tell me. I love you and we’re getting married next year, it’s important you know you can tell me about anything. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t.”

Tear brim my eyes as I shuffle closer and wrap my arms around him.

“Just promise me you’ll talk to me in the future.” He looks at me, fear and love both mixed in his eyes. He holds out his pinky finger.

“I promise,” I say looping our fingers together and kissing him gently.

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AN: Writing this made me really sad but I found it really comforting. I hope you enjoyed reading my angsty creation.

Also sorry I haven't posted anything in a while.

Would you guys like more My Chemical Romance fics or other band fics? Just request if you do.

[dionysianrose]

Frankieeee

[dionysianrose]

"... and we all miss Chester. I wish he was here."

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SOMEONE SEDATE ME PLEASE