disarmingly

[disarmingly]

it's been a while 🌌🌙💫🌸🌻🌼☀️🌈⭐️🌺🌿 was really sick may through july but am steadily mending now. i wrote this as a reply to someone but thought i'd share it here too.

and if you've ever said anything kind to me about my writing or anything thank you. i came to realize i was struggling to write and waiting for it to hurt less and to hate it less and to feel like i needed it less but i think that won't happen. i don't know what to do but i cannot stop writing completely because even if i decline always it is all i have. i guess i'll see.

anyways,

please be safe. protect your body and your heart and the stars that only cry and laugh for you. please. 💜

[disarmingly]

what should come next?

[disarmingly]

“All your stars are my stars too.”

Day 5 - Favorite fanfic!

… .- …- . – . by Haku One of the fanfics that managed to make me cry real tears TTTT Please give it a read, it’s really nice and bittersweet ;0;

Yoonkook Week

[disarmingly]

just checkin in, pls take care of urself during covid19...i hope ur safe and well -masked singer anon

stay safe my friend. thank you for caring and being so unendingly kind to me. i'm grateful.

[disarmingly]

( s o m e d a y )

ash and eiji think about each other quite a lot.

( they cannot seem to help it. )

[disarmingly]

if only our world

meeting and parting. parting and meeting.

( how do you feel ? )

[disarmingly]

coda

'always with you.'

( love is not . . . )

[disarmingly]

1. https://whalien52.blog/2019/12/06/and-if-you-are-afraid-perhaps-you-are-brave/

2. https://twitter.com/endearments/status/1202824584443105281?s=20

[disarmingly]

( yours ) - kuroken centric re: ch. 375

kenma's jersey is with kuroo. kuroo's jersey is with kenma. and it's not so much that they're the last to know what all this means as it is the fact they know at a gradual, evenly connected pace: a steady heartbeat.

[disarmingly]

( timeless )

on the count of three.

[disarmingly]

( timeless )

on the count of three.

[disarmingly]

( part of a yoonkook wip )

*

location: the underground

time: ?

forecast: ?

they miss their stop, which means they miss themselves. jungkook gives an apologetic look that yoongi doesn't accept only because -- as he's told him before -- it's not his fault. it's not jungkook's fault they miss their stop any more than it is jungkook's fault that they have to do this at all.

still, when jungkook drops his forehead to yoongi's shoulder, he cards his fingers through his hair as if to tell him it's okay anyway.

the train car hurtles itself like a last ditch effort but they both know better by now. yoongi's been running and jumping the slipstream's underground for the better part of his life and it's not that he has a mental map or database for it; it's muscle memory and it's gut and it's being just smart enough to know when to fall back and eat the loss in time.

which they do.

"how long do you think?" jungkook's voice is muffled and yoongi settles his hands at jungkook's waist, pulls him closer to breathe him in against the cold fast nothing that swallows the train on repeat.

"not sure," he admits and thinks: a week? hopefully not longer. hopefully.

they might get lucky. jungkook slips out of his arms and walks to the front of the car, presses his scarred hands against the glass. yoongi's eyes glean to the ink that threads and thrives from the jut of jungkook's wrist down beneath the ripped black of his sleeve. there's another sleeve under that paper-thin cotton and that yoongi does have a mental map for: its negative spaces like the seeds of an old old forest made of stars. yoongi has played songs across those lines that lead somewhere somewhere somewhere. with his fingertips. with his lips. with his eyes. with the words made just for jungkook whose profile in the un-light of the slipstream is something too ghostly for comfort.

yoongi doesn't look outside much anymore except when he can feel a possible transfer oncoming. he prefers this: the bow of jungkook's head that reveals his nape, the glint of his earrings, the curl of his fingers against the scratched glass like he's having a conversation. maybe he is.

"sorry," jungkook says again and it's very jungkook: defensive because he's angry at himself, soft because he's scared beneath his bravery, quiet because he's embarrassed and keeps telling yoongi he's going to take care of him.

stupid, yoongi thinks, but it's fond.

"we'll get the next one," yoongi says because he knows telling jungkook not to feel bad is pointless. jungkook does feel bad; it's done. so all yoongi can do is tell him the next part of things, wherein he hopes (always always always) that jungkook will do the thing yoongi's long been terrible at too: forgive himself.

it's a week and two days when they grab a transfer that throws them through the scattered mosaic of time and space back to their original destination.

the doors close behind them and the underground is as far away as anything can be: it doesn't even exist.

this is how namjoon finds them: a heap of limbs sorely dehydrated and in need of food and proper rest. because he's their leader he doesn't let himself panic, but he does most of his delegations and work in the sick ward until they both wake up again and tells them:

"suspended."

and honestly, yoongi and jungkook kind of figured, but they protest anyway.

namjoon, a tired smile that can't be anything but love and a little fear, says smooth and skybound, "too bad."

*

[disarmingly]

slowly

healing is the hardest game: getting through the days until they get a little better.

( we aren't born who we are. we grow into it. )

[disarmingly]

1/5 twenty percent isn't zero, and sometimes that's something; and other times? it's everything.

( or 4 alternate endings and 1 canon  )

<3 if you haven’t seen promare please try to catch it while it’s still in theaters it really repays a cinema setting. i used some of my food money 8) which i don’t especially recommend in good conscience but i can say for ME it was worth it...like...i really really liked it ;; 

[disarmingly]

namgikook request from this open twitter post 

25/8 is your average grocery and drugstore combination in the city except for the 25/8 part. 

for 24 hours out of the day, jungkook knows to expect anyone from the old woman who lives half a block away (jungkook helps her carry her one bag when she lets him), to the afternoon school rush, to the random commuters looking for five different caffeine fixes he desperately hopes they are not imbibing all at once. for the 25th hour he knows to expect anyone from the scaredy-cat vampire who works the overnight shift in the bookstore ten streets away to the owner who only shows up at night anyway to his favorite customers: two witches -- yoongi and namjoon. they also show up on the 8th day, which is a carte blanche 25 hours for all the city's supernatural folk. it's easy too; since it's a day that literally does not exist for others. 

jungkook doesn't go to school or he might be in some real trouble. though namjoon always gets so worried when the subject comes up, until one day yoongi offhandedly says,

"so why don't you teach him."

namjoon doesn't bring the subject up again.

*

things namjoon does: bring him books he recommends as well as music, asks him about his day, tells him he looks nice. things yoongi does: brings him music, brings him random food that turns out to be homecooked leftovers (namjoon outing him as always purposefully making too much), and once a stray cat. 

"and now we're best friends, right gigi?" jungkook turns his face to nose the very flat very soft black cat draped over his shoulder. she purrs: yeah this is fine. coming from a cat, that's high compliments. glancing over at yoongi, jungkook has the humorous thought that he would know all about that by now. 

*

the nature of working in such a place does mean one puts oneself up for more potential danger than usual. jungkook has mishaps that range from being temporarily blind to falling asleep for almost two weeks to becoming an actual rabbit and, for a month or so after that, still being stuck with the ears. so many weird things happen to him he forgets, at a certain point, to be mindful of the more ordinary troubles that fall upon twenty-four hour joints. so when someone holds him at gunpoint for everything in the register, he's so confused he reacts a little stupidly; half pouts half frowns with a tilted head and says,

"no."

*

the first thing namjoon ever buys from the grocery when jungkook starts working there is a lollipop. the first thing yoongi buys is a pack of cigarettes. they're both wearing leather jackets, and namjoon has a long almost shirt-dress underneath his, the fabric expensive looking and pleated in a way that makes him look even taller than he already is. his shoes are well worn leather boots.  it's october. the outside smells like the turning of leaves and lengthening shadows. yoongi is wearing a black t-shirt over something netted. black jeans. and sandals. his jacket is bulky but he wears it well and jungkook likes the way the pair's pastel hair colors play in direct odds against their monochromatic aesthetic. the lollipop namjoon buys is yellow. the lighter yoongi draws out of his pocket is white. 

"anything else?" jungkook asks. 

"how's seokjin?" 

somehow it's not surprising they know jungkook's boss -- the grocery's owner.

"good. traveling," jungkook says, and feels like both of the men in front of him can read the rest of what he's not saying: how seokjin never sets a solid date for return, trusts jungkook entirely with the store, and is maybe kind of definitely letting him live in his apartment above it. but all yoongi says is,

"tell him yoongi and namjoon are alive."

jungkook, bemused, does.

*

the first time yoongi kisses jungkook is when jungkook has the sleep curse cast on him. seokjin suggests in the most blithe way possible: "maybe he needs a kiss from his true love."

at which point, namjoon looks dead-straight at yoongi and vice-versa. they rock-paper-scissors. 

when jungkook wakes up and finds out the method of his antidote, he blushes red to his ears and doesn't come out of his cocoon of blankets for the rest of the evening, clumsily avoiding the truth: how if namjoon had kissed him it would have worked too; how he's got a greedy heart that fell in love both without his permission and without his altogether noticing until now when faced with the subject head-on. 

*

when namjoon kisses jungkook it's also after another mishap -- quiet yet desperate: are you okay are you okay are you okay?

and jungkook kisses him back the only appropriate manner: i am i am i am.

leaning in the doorway to the bedroom, yoongi's arms are folded and his eyes thoughtful.

it's taken jungkook only five days to wake up but asleep due to a sleep curse and unconscious due to a possibly fatal injury are very different things.

later, when namjoon has fallen asleep cradling jungkook as carefully as humanly imaginable, yoongi draws a clean cotton blanket over them -- not too warm, not too little -- and keeps watch.

*

jungkook's favorite part of his job is the interesting patrons -- from the human to the non-human. gigi likes the very non-familiar cats that are permitted to frequent the store though she also likes to assert her dominance by claiming the choicest shelves for herself. in the summer, seokjin suspiciously shows up around jungkook's birthday every year and tells him to 'get out of here!' to which jungkook puts him in a headlock and tells him thank-you and runs off. he used to run to the beach and watch the fireworks of people he did not know far down at the jetty. 

these days he runs to the beach and draws sparklers through the air like magic with his two boyfriends. sometimes they use actual magic to keep the light in the air a little longer and yoongi tells jungkook stories about when he and namjoon were young because they're a lot older than they look. 

*

even the magic folk tend to come in and ask for basics: paper towels, soap, matches, cat food, alcohol, ibuprofen, and so on. but sometimes there are other requests and jungkook places those either with seokjin himself or his partner in crime -- er, business -- jung hoseok. people pick up their spare broom parts (very specific hay, mind you), and sea warding spells, and don't-notice herbs according to a very messy excel sheet jungkook has saved in his phone. the one week during a very busy season wherein his phone finally died for good was actual torture; he never knew when a delivery was coming or being picked up or by whom or what or how. he almost gave ragged diamond to a werewolf who turned out to be allergic to it. he's honestly never felt quite as bad as that time but he apologized so much that the werewolf ended up feeling bad too and told him not to worry. jungkook supposes that's one way to make a friend; he sees taehyung often now, as well as his boyfriend park jimin.

*

"why don't you just move in with them?" seokjin asks one winter when he's home, cooking for both him and jungkook, squinting at the taste from his wooden spoon before adding more garlic and pepper. flopping and rolling on the floor where he was doing stretches just seconds ago, jungkook softly whines.

"i cannnn't!"

seokjin arches a brow. "why not?"

there's a mulish silence.

"jungkook-ah."

"they're together!"

"i think judging on the amount of PDA i have to deal with from the three of you, all three of you are 'together'."

"that was one time hyung!"

"and once was enough."

"but they…" the way jungkook's voice gets tentative is enough for seokjin to turn off the stove and walk over to crouch next to jungkook who has an arm cast over his eyes. peering down at him, seokjin notes the soft waves of his hair and the nervous bite of his lip. 

"hm?" he pets him the way he's gotten used to doing.

"they've been just them...so long...moving in would be...what if it ruins...i'm fine with how things are now."

because jungkook has his face covered he doesn't see how seokjin shakes his head but he does feel him pet him again. he sighs, grateful.

"what if they asked you? would that make it different?"

"no...i don't know. maybe." pause. "besides." he lowers his arm finally, blinks and smiles up at seokjin. "i like living with you."

seokjin doesn't bother pointing out how he's still rarely home, appreciates too much the sentiment of someone enjoying even living in the same space as he sometimes-dwells-in. he pats jungkook one more time before standing back up and extending his hand.

"up." 

*

25/8 is your average grocery and drugstore combination in the city except for the 25/8 part. 

"it's so nice after the renovation!" the old lady from down the block marvels and spends a good twenty minutes perusing the different coffees. jungkook agrees that it's nice but also thinks decor wise it's the same -- the space itself is just bigger, seokjin having bought out the empty space next to them and the apartment over it too. 

"must be nice," yoongi whistled a month ago stepping through the broken down wall that turned seokjin's two-bedroom into a four. seokjin threw the nearest thing at yoongi's head -- an oven mitt and then deemed that insubstantial and threw the spatula at him too, said,

"you're benefiting from this! don't 'must be nice' at me."

seokjin is still almost never there. it's mostly just jungkook, yoongi, and namjoon. and gigi. and gigi's mysterious litter of seven kittens. for some reason, seokjin named them all after spices and namjoon is fairly certain paprika is going to turn out to be more chocolate than red but oh well. 

perks to all of them living over the store: when jungkook needs help, help is already there. when jungkook doesn't need help, they are still there. and maybe most of all, when jungkook 'comes home', they are there. yoongi grumbles about fighting with gigi for the prime spot at jungkook's back. namjoon is content to share the front of jungkook with four kittens -- the other three intent on making their own home at the back of yoongi's neck. 

one of the bedrooms is the work room, filled with spells in process and materials. another one is just for books, for which they have not enough bookshelves, a problem not helped in the least by the fact that namjoon is a serial book buyer and yoongi has half a mind to have the local rare bookstore put an imminent and permanent ban on his face. and the rest of him. 

*

in the winter, jungkook draws things in the fog of the windows and namjoon bespells them so they stay as long as he wants without damaging the glass. in the spring their work room takes on a magical greenhouse environment and several times jungkook catches ivy and other running vines creeping out from under the door to wend lovingly around the legs of the breakfast bar stools. in the summer jungkook sells so much ice cream he's surprised they never run out and eats his fair share too, having found out the hard way that mixing magic with food is not the best of ideas in their household (the 'magic ice cream' was more a mystery food in the end.) in the autumn, they light fires -- yoongi snapping his fingers at the edge of the crumpled newspapers and twigs inside the gigantic metal trashcan -- and roast marshmallows and sweet potatoes and the one time a cop tells them not to, seokjin just offers him a sweet potato and that's the end of that. 

 *

throughout the year, at 25/8 jungkook learns about magic and he learns about people.

thinks: not everyone is born with a home but maybe, if you look long enough, you find one anyway.

"jungkook-ah, jungkook-ah."

the smile jungkook wears when he turns to greet yoongi (and namjoon, right on his heels) is blinding. 

"you're late!" he informs them and launches himself over the counter with his arms spread wide.

they spend the next five minutes or so putting back all of the things jungkook knocks over, yoongi from his spot on the floor, levitating things back into place, and jungkook in a sheepish crouch near the neat stacks of periodicals and the comic books, and namjoon above them, returning the counter to some semblance of its former order. 

*