doll-fae

[doll-fae]

I think that it's really important for people to realize that being disabled is traumatic. genuinely. your body and brain feel like they are breaking down and wrong. you are in constant heavy stress from stuff like chronic pain. most disabled people i know have a somewhat regular emotional break down from the trauma of it all. and we are expected to just smile through it by society, to not be in the way, to not be an issue.

[doll-fae]

Got the date for my lumbar puncture sorted and so wish I didn't. I had it today and was told that it should only be pressure. It was not. It was incredibly excruciating and painful. It felt like the doctor was ripping apart my nerves. Then he couldn't even get a sample because he caused a hematoma. I'm in so much pain afterwards too, I can't even breathe deeply or lay on my back or turn properly. Can barely be upright. I'm in so much pain and for nothing.

[doll-fae]

Sometimes being disabled feels like you’re surrounded by people with superpowers, and you’re the only regular human.

Because I don’t really feel like I can do less—I feel normal. I’m so in tune with my own body, my own abilities, my own experience. I’ve lived this way for so long.

But then I look at other people, and see how much more they can do, their stamina, their resiliency, and I’m…baffled. Befuddled. Astonished. They seem downright superhuman compared to me. They seem like goddamn superheroes.

[doll-fae]

Absolutely devastated rn.

I've waited months for this lumbar puncture to see if I have t1 narcolepsy or not. And it was supposed to be literally the Friday after this one. For like 2 months, they just forgot to schedule it, then it was another 2 months of waiting. And now, just today, the doctor has called and said she's now going on vacation that week and I have to reschedule but of course the only date to reschedule is when I'm on vacation. So I'm just crushed. They're now taking forever to get back with a new date and I'm just so upset.

[doll-fae]

Anyways, I’m not big on Megatron, but…

[doll-fae]

in honor of june approaching here’s something from last year i never threw on here

[doll-fae]

Hi, to other people with Narcolepsy or idiopathic Hypersomnia, asking some advice here. In this past year I was diagnosed with idiopathic Hypersomnia that my doctor is currently trying to get changed to a diagnosis of type 1 Narcolepsy. That's not my problem though. My problem lies in the way people have been treating me with my sleep problems. Because my sleep disorder is still developing, I'm not yet to the stage where I instantly fall asleep when having a sleep attack, and because of this, all of my family says that my sleep disorder isn't 'that bad' or not 'true narcolepsy'. Therefore they refuse to take my literally professionally diagnosed condition seriously. Anytime I have a sleep attack, they instantly poke and jab me till I wake up, so I don't get to sleep at all when I have a sleep attack. I get called lazy for being too exhausted to do much or being slightly irritable. Yet they refuse to take it seriously even when I ask them to. Does anyone have any advice?

[doll-fae]

Art by Eldar Akmanaev

[doll-fae]

Bane of my existence as someone with Narcolepsy/Idiopathic Hypersomnia (my doctors are still debating which) is long car rides. I look absolutely bonkers any time we have to get out because I've been dead out. 30 minutes in and I'm dead asleep. Fully conked out. Will not wake up until someone forces me too. I just physically cannot. So my hair is just going in every direction and I look like high or something. My brain is not computing and I can barely communicate. It's rough.

[doll-fae]

It makes me so angry how easy my brother got it when he came out. He was greeted with acceptance and understanding from my parents when he came out. And he only got that because of me. I had to suffer and go through all of that so he could get it so easy. I dealt with sleepless nights of sobbing my eyes out, going to therapy for my 'issued', having my parents looking at me like I was a monster for being queer. I dealt with being looked at as the disgrace, the let down, the mistake. It took years of that for them to finally understand and start treating me decent again. But he got it so easy when he came out. And that's because of me and everything I suffered so he could do that. And he has no clue. He gets to run and frolick and be so damn happy when I didn't get an ounce of that. He gets opportunities, 'oh we can go to pride parade', 'we'll buy you a flag', on and on and ON. I STILL HAVE GOTTEN NONE OF THAT. I haven't even gotten a drop of that. I still see the way they look at me. Yet nothing of that goes to him. He gets it so fucking easy and I hate it.

[doll-fae]

MY FRIEND JUST GAVE ME THIS CAPYBARA PLUSHIE AND IT HAS A TINY TURTLE BACKPACK. I'M DYINT FOR THIS. IT'S SO CUTE.

[doll-fae]

My random Chronic illness ramble of the day is something I get questioned about a lot. Which is, how come you have some makeup on even on some of your bad days? And like, at this point, it's something that weirdly helps me. For me, makeup is something calming and fun, that is easy. Obviously on my bad days, where I'm very shaky, I'm not doing things like eyeliner. But even those simple things help.

That little thing like having some makeup done even on my bad days make me feel so much more human. It makes me feel more normal. And sometimes that something that can just be very comforting.

It also helps because it gives me a sort of feeling of not just wasting my whole day. Because at least I did something. Even if it was just a small bit of makeup that took me five minutes, to my brain that's better than nothing.

[doll-fae]

Me when I've been ghosting all of my online friends for over a month because I just can't text them for some reason 🫠

[doll-fae]

Reminder to Pokemon fans who don't know jack shit about the characters

Brock is 15 years old and grew up having to raise his siblings on his own due to his neglectful parents

He literally has concept art that says that he looks like an old man, but he's actually 15

Jessie and James are 20-26 years old and it's literally confirmed throughout the anime and movies

Saying that they're teens by saying that James doesn't have a license doesn't actually prove anything

Adults without licenses exist and are still adults no matter what you fucking think

They are, also, not related as they are canonically from completely seperate lives/families (you could argue that they have a sibling like relationship, but to say that they're actually siblings is bullshit)

Y'all just don't know what research is and you apparently have to be spoonfed this info because y'all still don't understand it from actual pokemon fans

[doll-fae]

THE INTRO ATE

Also why was the cupcake such a menace 😭

[doll-fae]

best part of the FNAF movie was that Josh Hutcherson was having the WORST time of his life. dude was stressed out the entire runtime. the only reason why he got the security job was because his job counselor just so happened to be the guy who murdered his little brother. Vanessa kept lore-dumping to him but he wasn't getting it because he was running on like 2 hours of sleep. his b-plot was his aunt trying to ruin his life. ghost children tried to murder him multiple times. he almost touched a springlock suit. the climax was him getting beat up by a guy in a fursuit. Golden Freddy manifested in his house. it was awesome 10/10.

[doll-fae]

No it will never not be funny to me that none of us startled at anything in the movie but my brother just about flinched out of his seat when he saw matpat