doodle-finch

[doodle-finch]

we play

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blue and green is my happy place (even though at art school this combination was a taboo, what a lol)

. no one ever reads this blog. and that's fine.

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ai is giving a push to human artistry. not through its functionality but through its existence. we now realise how totally limited and derivative (in a boring way. derivative can be totally cool though) is what it creates on the one hand. on the other hand this juxtaposition somehow highlights the endless universe each human holds that cannot be coded into zeroes and ones. Everyone is talking about finding their own voice now, and about its value. AI can do generic. But humans need humans. The way I do a daisy pattern is different from a hundred other artists that will do a daisy pattern, and the less we try to follow some standard/trend, the more self-connected and valuable our results will be.

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Amen

[doodle-finch]

I never know if my patterns are good enough (for what?) But what I know that when I'm not trying to chase a trend but instead create for my own sake I always end up with something that I personally want and need to see right now -- the precision no one else in the world can offer me. And that is magic shit.

[doodle-finch]

When you let your anger burn and it subsides? When you let your hurt burn and it subsides? When you let your sadness burn and it subsides? What is left? Where is a ground in that emptiness? Maybe just look at a pine branch for a while, no questions asked or answered.

[doodle-finch]

Just realized why post-apocalypse aesthetic might be so appealing. It's quietness, it's release of tension, it's when the imperative to hassle, race, achieve stops making sense, it's like the worst has already happened and if we're still around we can breathe out. It's just a huge-huge relief and reconnection with this basic humming silence of chaos, meaninglessness and indifference.

[doodle-finch]

So, I was researching Art Deco for a design contest. Made a couple designs. Not my style at all, I find it ugly, pompous and boring. Although I saw people create beautiful things in that style -- I can admire the artistry but would never want it for my home or any of the products I use. Somehow, the spirit of non-conformity made me try to combine art deco with something contemporary, and I dived into the world of vaporwave. That was so fun! It's interesting that both styles share similarities -- both like extravagance, exaggeration, clear geometry and palm trees! Just that vaporwave is much more ironic and unpretentious. In the end, I have this design (below is a fragment). And it just makes me feel so good!

[doodle-finch]

I've figured out today that being depressed is actually so nice. Once you stop fighting it. The noise calms down, you relax those overworked muscles of your mind and just float. I like how selfish and non-compromising it feels. Not that I'm an advocate of those attitudes but sometimes that's exactly what one needs, as long as it doesn't hurt others you know. Didn't feel like designing anything new but felt very okay uploading designs on Spoonflower and creating listings.

[doodle-finch]

I think my drawings and designs have become much better over the last two years. At the same time, engagement on instagram has become much lower. The sales on Spoonflower are small. I've earned a total of around $400 on image stocks and PODs over this whole time. Maybe it's not the worst result given that I've had zero business strategy so far. Yes, I've spent so many hours creating and uploading designs but at the same time I believe I've sharpened my skills, strengthened my hand. No design seems impossible given enough patience, time and thoughtfulness. I'm so puzzled at to how to go on with some kind of business around it. Everyone's doing marketing. For me, being marketed to is exhausting, boring, irritating. Everyone's shouting about themselves, and it all becomes noise where not much feels distinguishable or exciting. For myself, I'm trying to reduce this noise, unfollowing a lot of business-coach accounts, unsubscribing from most craft or business-related subscriptions. I'm coming to a conclusion that people I should market to must be similar to myself. But what on earth does that mean? Sometimes I think I'm too peculiar to align with any particular audience; other times I think that what I like is pretty mainstream and trivial -- sustainability, minimalism, low consumption, natural materials, rustic aesthetic, evening light, nature, peace, Paul Klee, Last Year in Marienbad, Julio Cortazar, Cheers, blue-gray colour, melancholy, warm cloudy days, wild flowers, postapocalyptic vibes, feeling of home, people, improv theatre classes, Buenos Aires, Perfect Days and Alice in the Cities, Magus, smell of bonfires, low key human to human connection... I've been exhausted over the last months -- moving, getting used to the new place, getting frustrated by it. I've been tense and worried so much, being restless, grieving the horrors of the world in the background is my default state. And now I realise, it's been a while since I allowed my mind travel completely aimlessly freely, outside of any productive activity.

[doodle-finch]

This composition with the same motif turned out better though. Yay. I'm warming up.

#hydrangea #blossom #springpattern #adobeillustrator #mochamousse #delicatefloral #homedecor #spoonflower

[doodle-finch]

I think I'm getting better with colours but still sometimes lazy with the artwork. But I needed to create something, just anything to get the feeling of it again. After something like a 3-week break when I was moving and settling at the new place, and applying for residency renewal. I've felt guilty and unhappy with myself for abandoning the SPD activities. But another part of me realized that I was just too tired, and nothing good usually comes out of guilting oneself into doing stuff and then getting even more exhausted. So, I want to go back to it bit by bit, embracing the Cypriot sigA-sigA philosophy. Soooo many things to do! Draw and create patterns on a regular basis, finish a portfolio, consider different routes and possibilities, core values and aspirations, and all that stuff. But I'm excited. Probably going back to improv classes will be a helpful contribution to this process of play and self-discovery as well.

[doodle-finch]

I've scheduled some posts to be published on IG. And now waiting impatiently for them to appear. I'm such a sucker for instant gratification, lols....

[doodle-finch]

I need to develop patience and strategical approach to pattern making -- planning layouts and elements more, making a sketch first and all. The complexity and elaborateness I have in my head cannot be achieved just through random twicking and rearranging of simple elements. Something to explore in therapy.

[doodle-finch]

Jan. 17, 2025

I feel like I'm in a professional crisis. I've learned quite a lot about pattern making and also some stuff about the business side of things. I've even participated in a business mentoring group for 9 months. My skills are better, I have a clearer idea of what styles I like. And at the same time everything I'm doing seems so amateurish. I can't present my work in a very attractive way. I don't know which direction in business to choose. And the generative AI developments bring me down from time to time -- with all the mediocrity of the end results the technology shows and the utter cynicism and cruelty towards artists. Then I realize that this will most likely create more demand for authentic hand made art, and that calms me down a bit. Or I become angry and decide, that no matter what I don't want to be part of this ugly, nauseatingly sweet world of generated art, that I know the value of what my fellow artists and me are doing, that it's a source of joy, pleasure and authentic communication, and that should never get old. Eh... I need to finish my portfolio and start pitching. I guess I need a creative mentor. Or some additional studies in design. Also, just as a human I'm sad about Lynch leaving us, and about the horrors of Gaza, uncertainty of a ceasefire and how many more lives will be brutally extinguished before this madness stops.

[doodle-finch]

Jan. 14, 2o25 -- First Entry. Test.

Okay, maybe. I just want to write a simple blog about pattern making. And not to think about matching an algorithm, capturing anyone's attention, selling anything, not to be in a constant self-filtering mode for the sake of agreeability -- all that maddening and heavily draining stuff. Just good old simple blogging, you know, both private and exhibitionist at the same time, with a touch of innocence and sincerity and serving as a a personal archive. So, today I: 1. Uploaded some designs specifically for Tea Towels on Spoonflower. 2. Researched how to research trending tags.

3. Did some tag research -- felt bored and overwhelmed.

4. Also tried to adjust some tags on my Spoonflower postings. Felt like I'm doing something very futile. 5. Uploaded a new design in a few colourways to Spoonflower. Then deleted half of the colourways because I realized they looked ugly, and the design was nothing to be proud of overall.

6. Had a back and forth with a Contrado support team, about a reprint of a design I ordered because they kinda misled me multiple times. But now it seems like I'm getting the needed reprint. 7. All that besides my main remote day job. Because I'm not making much money as a pattern designer so far. Peanuts. But I just love this shit. 8. I'm tired. p.s. the picture is of the recent pattern that I'm not very happy with. Just for honest archive purposes.

p.p.s. my name is Alesya. or possibly Lola.

p.p.p.s fuck generative AI!