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doodle-or-die · 2 years ago

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I think part of what gets me with general attitude towards Rui and Nene's relationship to each other, leaving ship side of things aside for a moment, is that often times... it gets simplified too much to childhood friends who regardless of there being romantic feelings or not just got the chance to reconnect with each other through shows, and are rooting for each other in their fandom preferred ship with ultimately being supportive, even if there is still teasing between them is that...

Ruinene relationship is built on so many topics they avoid bringing up like a plague, with feelings behind them ranging from guilt for not being able to be there to abandonment issues that neither wants to bring up/on Nene's end she doesn't even seem to be aware of sheer extent of that it currently informs a lot of about their dynamic with each other, and in general their current character.

It is a bit acknowledged on Potatoes that Nene regrets not being able to bring herself to invite Rui to her musical troupe, and now wanting to be able to help him to not be alone- and for that event, she is able to make something work with bringing Rui to the loids and reassuring him that she does not think he's the sort of person others were saying, and that she's sure other two won't leave him alone too.

Except since then, she's convinced that their bonds are something that can't break/that he's doing fine now with especially RMD under their belt too, that she does not even consider the idea of them following their dreams at the expense of being able to stay together if it came down to it is something that has been actively haunting Rui, to the point we open Curtain Call with him being giddy over wanting to show new projection mapping he came up with to WxS, saying he wishes they could stay that way forever, and immediately flashbacking to Nene treating them going their own ways as an inevitability, deflating and saying he should go to sleep.

During the event, she and Emu run into him, and yet while she does catch onto something being off, and correctly identifying there is the middle school him vibe going on there, she doesn't push it, and when he seems to feel better about it with talking to Asahi, in the side story her entire attitude is sorry for not managing to make you not worry about not telling us about it, idk what really helped you (and it wasn't me you talked your problems out with again) but I'm glad you feel better.

And throughout shining stars, the event after curtain call, she keeps repeatedly picking up oddities in how Rui acts/what Rui says at certain moments, yet when Rui very clumsily covers them up, she lets it go.

And it does make sense for her to not want to question too hard what them going their separate ways would mean, as in said event she has a moment of being acutely aware of how Emu wouldn't do well when three of them inevitably leave, but brushing it over, with when topic of them disbanding in the future came up while talking to Rui about Emu's odd behaviour, clearly pushing the thought troubling her aside to go well that can't be helped, but I don't think it will be anytime soon so.

It does make sense that she's trying to not think too hard about it, as someone who gave up on her dream before, and still has trouble keeping herself confident in her ability to pursue said dream, especially when it is constantly framed as an either-or to her; she either chases after her dreams on her own, like it was the case for her idol, or she stays with other three but can't reach her dreams that way.

She doesn't want to think too hard about what she fears might take away the confidence she's been trying to gain all this time, added to how it would not be fair to other three and all the people who has been supporting her, including loids to chase her dream, if after all their support if she gave up because she was too cowardly to aim bigger.

While it also means that Rui, especially in recent times, manage to get away with talking around her, for multiple reasons again mainly tying to middle school issues they never truly addressed.

He's been very dismissive of it/very clearly deflecting there being any emotional weight to it when in main story Nene was asking why he would bring Nenerobo to her and insist she comes joins that troupe when he knows what happened, which also was such a clear "when I couldn't offer you the reverse when you clearly were doing awful and even openly were saying that you can't find people like me who clicks with you easily to make shows with", he just goes well it's better than playing games in your room all the time right, and topic more or less closes there.

After rejoining WxS, and things starting to be on a nice track with his own first event and Nene's own first event too, where she gets to start to be able to sing more like she used to- freely, which even in his eyes summons essentially a miraculous white christmas, given his event lines and stamp he got of that moment, and with SoaD and WMS making essentially "another miracle come true" with saving Phennyland and everything it stood for in Emu's and her grandpa's ideals, with the promotional shows starting, he was clearly riding the high of all that.

And yet, while he was mesmerized by Nene adlibing lyrics to the melody of the little mermaid they watched countless times, the moment she brought up thinking about her future at all, he immediately started to spiral a bit, with his card skill name for the event being "a little bit of loneliness", with second side story even touching on how Nene is moving forward while he isn't, a fear of being left behind again.

Because ultimately, again even if saying it wasn't romantic in their case, he has very much taken Nene as "one of the people who would be his friend forever" when they were kids, given what his mom was saying, and him distancing himself from her to the extent he did clearly was informed by her obvious fear of his presence making things go awry with her troupe, and that also informed while when we have him meeting Mizuki on the rooftop, he says that he wishes he could go down there and be with others, that he would if he could.

He took it to heart that no one can stay with him forever, especially not if they have their own dreams, and while obviously a lot of that is fueled by the ableism he was facing at the time and it is not something to blame Nene for, it still stands that he specifically does have a touchy spot on Nene leaving again, especially for her own dreams because he's in the way otherwise- because that already did happen back then.

He knows that would happen, if push came to the shove and she had to choose between either her dream or staying together. And he would never ask otherwise too- he did everything he could to support her to help her overcome her stage trauma, as also part of her being the reason why he didn't give up on his own dream too.

It just also still stands that he clearly was looking for an opportunity to approach her in main story/wondering if he should do that or if he would make things worse before he was invited to WxS- he clearly never wanted to have a fallout with her, and again avoided her to not trouble her in many ways, and the moment he had an excuse, and realized he could use the offer for that, he very specifically had the joining condition of they accept Nene with him, and then immediately pushing what Emukasa would be willing to take to see if he can remain there at all/on some level already ready to be kicked out, while making his ideas sound much worse than they actually were.

And it is part of why while after mermaids, RMD and his colorfes and PiMH gave him on the high of realizing he found a place where he feels he belongs and forgot about future worries at the time, it is also why he started crash as hard as he did after with especially that chapter 7 convo of Nene's.

It is also why part of the curtain call card set and outfit symbolism is as it is- him covering up Nene's petal with his arm, whether you take it as trying to hide any semblance of anything green on him and/or him "trying to stop that petal from leaving" on some level, given the "hugging the flower bouquet close to my chest" is a running theme in the event song- with in either case, Miku's card then implying that she took his own purple petal from the brooch he left on the table, and put it on the same flower as Nene's, as can be seen in the MV.

Him trying to cut things off early with WxS just inherently has to do with his experiences with being left behind by multiple people, and even one person he assumed would be always with him especially, and it is also just part of why implication with outfits also was that he was the one who was supposed to wear green than Miku- Emukasa were wearing reddish pink and orangeish yellow that are clearly picked from the unit flag colors, because they are where WxS exists on a physical and conceptual level; Emu runs the Wonderstage where WxS came to be and where concept of the unit even started, while Tsukasa owns WxS Sekai, which by now houses their feelings too given everything born from other three's feelings in there too, and also ultimately loids and that sekai's involvement was key to how they managed to make things work and currently can chase their dreams as they are right now.

While Ruinene being so intrinsicly tied to each other's dream both through having support each other when other was about to/had given up on it, while also start of their dream being together, them having meant to be wearing each other's colors again even without ship brain would make sense symbolically.

And again it is also where topic comes back to him talking around Nene, because throughout Shining Stars, when they talk at the diner and Nene says that maybe she should go to a workshop too, he very carefully comments that if she thinks it might be useful for her dream, why not?

He very specifically makes no other comment on the subject- nothing on maybe he should look for opportunities outside WxS too, and entire framing of his supportive comment is that if she thinks it's a good idea, she might as well give it a shot.

And when during the walk home later on, where Nene brings up Emu's behaviour, she recounts that moment as her saying she and Rui should look for opportunities outside Phennyland too, and how Emu's attitude changed at that- former which actually isn't true in the sense of what she said, because to her, it is just obvious that Rui would leave Wonderstage himself eventually to chase his own dreams too, so her saying she should look for opportunities also just inherently was her saying obviously same goes for Rui too.

To which, Rui very carefully completely dodges on commenting anything related to that to reply to her previous sentence on how he doesn't think Emu thinks ill of Tsukasa looking for opportunities outside Phennyland, as she clearly was enthusiastic when topic of watching the show they'd put on came up.

And Nene just rolls with that, because he's not wrong, and she has no reason as far as what she assumes the situation is, because she assumes they are on the same page on things, continues to focus more on what might be bothering Emu then.

At which, Rui basically starts to spell out Emu starting to feel same way as him/troubled by same thoughts, while entire time completely only framing the situation as what he thinks she might be feeling, it is all just his own guess though, and having a whole ass proxy conversation with Nene about things he would probably not otherwise ever approach with a gun to his head, especially with how the situation on him being able to find a way they can achieve their dreams together at the time was like, which is to say, he had no plans yet, so of course he would not trouble her with what he really thinks, as ultimately he only ever plans to reveal his actual feelings on this if ever only if he can find a way to make it work, because otherwise- what use would it be to trouble her, and Emukasa too?

It is his own selfishness at the end of the day, as far as he's concerned, and again, if he can't find something that works, he also does not want to be the reason Tsukanene ever might feel a need to hold themselves back from achieving their own dreams to their hearts content, how he truly feels about the situation ever becoming a bother to them at all.

And he just... keeps slipping throughout the event. Nene keeps picking them up and he barely manages to cover it, with in the side stories him actually having started to get restless enough that he can't focus on thinking about the show's direction, and he runs to the sekai to essentially vent to Meiluka vaguely about how he wishes he didn't feel this strongly and everything starting to become too much.

Like Ruinene care for each other, and support each other's dream any way they can, but there is so much abandonment issues that also specifically ends up tying to Nene, and now also to WxS as a whole that gets unaddressed, because addressing that would mean making Nene feel guilty/bad about how things turned out, while he doesn't blame her for it and again it was on neither of them that people were being ableist to Rui and ostracizing him that way.

It would also require him to come clean about how he doesn't want to be left behind with them, even beyond him actively wanting to be involved in their growth as actors, as Asahi himself lampshades that what Rui wants isn't just being able to maintain their bonds in general, but being actively a part of helping them achieve their dreams, as people who work on shows together, even if Tsukanene and even himself at times might take other jobs/might have shorter or longer times they are off to/working with others, especially down the line.

And that would inherently mean it would get guilt trippy in a way he would again die than ever even has as a possibility on the table, especially when he himself had front seat to how hard it has been for her to regain her confidence on how to chase her dream.

So he just won't tell her anything about these things, and Nene won't push it because while she's gotten better at pushing things a bit (same with Rui too, as again he needed WxS excuse to approach her in main story after her troupe fall out at all, and in holy night he managed to bring himself to give the tip he gave to her through thinking that no, this time with Emukasa too he might be able to help her, despite for a moment going am I really the right person to tell her this...?) there are so much baggage she herself also doesn't want to think about while trying to keep herself resolute on her own future direction, while also there being that feeling of she never can do enough to help him when he needs help herself anyway as middle school fallout definitely did not help that feeling on her end too, and Rui's number one policy about middle school has been essentially locking those memories away to the point we never even see him flashback to those years ever, while Nene repeatedly keeps having that sense of dejavu as something that haunts her as a failure she still has lingering guilt for back then, and again Rui also is deadly afraid of causing harm and asking too much from others in general, least of all anything that might bother Nene about chasing her own future after everything he did to try to help her on that, and he genuinely is happy for her too...

It's just. They both understand each other often pretty well, they know each other pretty well, but they also... always avoid talking about the countless elephants in the room with each other, and current arc Rui's spiral also is so directly tied to that, while on the flipside Nene also has been trying to push herself to consider them having to go separate ways as an inevitability because Rui won't communicate with her, even if we repeatedly do see that like other three, she does need a support system, because there is no third choice possibility as far as she's concerned right now.

They both had Luka and Miku (Nene colorfes and Rui curtain call respectively) frame the situation as a choice they will have to make between being alone going forward to achieve their dreams, or staying together without going any further, as something they should think hard about which one is more important to them, and in two consequtive banners, came to realize if push came to shove, what would be more important to them is opposite, and ultimately they have to talk.

If they will be able to go forward without regrets, if, as the teaser for the arc ender is anything to go by, they have to talk to figure out where they will go next, and even unrelated to that they have so much to talk about that again has been informing the way they act this whole time that seeing it often boiled down to teehee besties who just support each other for their fandom preferred couples and/or treated as just the boring het childhood friends ship where there is nothing going on is...

Very insulting to everything going on between them, and how much both unintentional and right now also deliberate miscommunication is between them, that long deserves a catharsis.

#project sekai #wonderlands x showtime #wxs #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #Ruinene #reblog #i think. this post is very important #ppl love minimizing the hell out of rui and nene's relationship for ship purpose and i hate it #you dont even have to ship ruinene to acknowledge the depth of their dynamic hhhh

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