downthewrittenroad

[downthewrittenroad]

I Made a Mistake

I made a mistake last night. It seems I’ve been making the same mistake for 10 years. It happens less often nowadays, but it still happens. It may seem like I haven’t grown. Old habits die hard I guess. It seems like nothing has changed. It seems like I haven’t made progress. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. I used to hold it against me. Every time I made a mistake, I felt weak. Every time I made a mistake, I felt worthless. I don’t feel that way now. Yes, I made a mistake. That doesn’t make me any less. It doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t mean I haven’t made progress. In fact, I made even more progress because of it. I stopped. I pulled myself out of my lowest low. I made a mistake sure. But I can tell you for damn sure, it’s not the same mistake it used to be.

-El Kast [A]

[downthewrittenroad]

I’m Sad Today

I’m sad today.

I’m sad I’m hurt.

I’m sad you hurt me.

I’m sad I think it’s my fault.

I’m sad you make me think it’s my fault.

I’m sad I don’t feel good enough.

I’m sad you make me feel like I’m not good enough.

I’m sad that I’m sad.

I’m sad you make me sad.

- El Kast [A]

[downthewrittenroad]

s i n n e r

an old poem of mine, written circa oct. '22. a piece of myself to share with you all for my first post. hope you enjoy. - H.L. Just [R]

i stand before my god in an empty church.

i wonder if this means he'll finally listen to me.

tears stream my face as i take in my own communion

of poison for my body and my brain,

and i stagger to the pulpit.

it stings as my knees hit the ground –

am i not meant to be home?

am i meant to burn when i'm here? –

and i look to the ceiling.

confession is not a private affair with my god,

every sin is one for shame,

every sin is to be known.

the glass illuminates me in a technicolor glow,

shrouding me under god's light.

i weep as i confess my sins,

beg for forgiveness and as i do i think

he's finally listening to me.

i feel the poison leaving me with every word,

every flash of light is another sin gone;

this is retribution.

this is a cleansing.

i feel a hand upon my shoulder and i realize

i am not alone, for he is with me.

the church isn't empty now,

full of his holy congregation

and faith and hope and praise.

i scream as the elders take my hands,

guide me through perdition

and send me to paradise,

dragging me through the pews

with their holy song of broken promises loud behind them.

i am crucified for the others to see,

an example of what failure looks like,

their metal on my wrists the nails

and my own intoxication the cross.

i have been here before,

and i will be here again.

it takes a banishment from the holy land to remember

my god doesn't hear me

unless my arm is tight

and there's venom in my veins.

[downthewrittenroad]

Welcome In

Hello, to all the ne'er-do-wells and misfits that may stumble across these words. For the sake of this endeavor, you'll know us as H.L. (R) & El (A), and that's all you'll ever need to know us as. This blog intends to be our dumping ground for our ramblings, our midnight conspiracies, and whatever we see fit.

A place to share our minds, to carve the thoughts from the cracks in our skulls and maybe shape them into words coherent enough for you to enjoy. Or maybe you'll hate it. And that's fine too. It's for us, really, this whole thing. Decided on a whim, as many of our plans often tend to be, and established haphazardly with miles between us.

[I've realized now I never introduced which of us was writing. It's H.L. by the way. That or Rio, if you want to refer to us by our pfp.]

Anyways, I'm gonna let El say a few words, if they so desire.

Hello theys, gays, divorces, not okays or whatever else you feel is a good identifier for you. As was said before, we don't know what this is going to be. Simply a place for the metaphorical pen to meet the metaphorical paper. A place for thoughts, a place for dreams, a place for nightmares. We can promise nothing but our words, for that is all we choose to be here.

Well folks, with the introductions out of the way, we can finally get to work. Something should be coming shortly, and I'm sure we'll be active in the meantime. The bottom of this post will be a collection of links to our other socials, if you want to keep up with us anywhere else.

Until then.

El & H.L.

dolor hic tibi proderit olim

substack: down the written road