dracarysthisdick

[dracarysthisdick]

Important data from the time quangle

[dracarysthisdick]

Some of them are fantastic and innovative and make you wonder why a trope never caught on, and them there are others that make you want to rebury them with a comment "This is not a place of honor. No esteemed or honored tropes are commemorated here."

playing a game called ao3 zs roulette where I go by the last page of date updated and decide if I wanna risk my sanity for a 1 sentence description barely any tags '05 fic

[dracarysthisdick]

"Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about our hallowed and favorite OTP?"

[dracarysthisdick]

I mean aside from the triple-deckerness of it all the Knight Bus is pretty similar if you think about it - old and kind of shitty, drives too fast (and dangerously) when driving children, no seatbelts (might be wrong there for the Knight Bus, but my school buses have maybe one seatbelt max, right at the front), drives crazy, if regular routes, and has someone that probably shouldn't be driving children behind the steering wheel. All in all, I'd think I'd shit my pants trying to fly a broom faster than they would tripping over shit in the bus aisle.

One ride on an American school bus would kill most of the marauders

[dracarysthisdick]

Am I a monster, a depraved hedonist to ask for more from the gods when I have already been given that which is beyond mortal ken? And yet with human creativity and the most expansive tool on earth we can do anything, an order of magnitude better than infinite monkeys on infinite typewriters because our hands and minds were made for art. So is it really so much to ask of AO3 writers to create more of that sweet sweet tentacle porn because I've truly exhausted all the good stuff.

[dracarysthisdick]

He wasn't afraid because she wasn't the one, he was afraid because he knew she was made of rats.

[dracarysthisdick]

you know you'd take the biggest shit of your life in their bathroom

Losing track of time in a bookstore.

[dracarysthisdick]

exactly all I want is for a someone to raw me like a good boy

i can’t wait to meet someone and realize i was never asking for too much

[dracarysthisdick]

only messages I've received since migrating from pinterest is a mental health bot asking after my (presumably) declining well-being, and a very sexy woman who uses exactly the amount of emojis a human would. what a wonderful world

[dracarysthisdick]

designing a DnD campaign right now and my three prospective players all want to be magical support classes and I don't know how to or have the heart to tell them that a druid, a cleric, and an alchemist are probably gonna get they're ass beat and that someone needs to tank daddy's sweet sweet bludgeoning damage

[dracarysthisdick]

bought a dildo called my first willy and still can't get it in there. what's a man gotta do to break his hymen in this economy?

[dracarysthisdick]

the only other person in the bar at trivia tonight who knew about the great emu war was this dude who showed up 45 minutes late and proceeded to explain to the emcee the second emu war along with its results and casualties. oh how the curse of knowledge seems so exhilarating from afar

[dracarysthisdick]

I personally dislike the idea of Arya leaving Westeros after the series, even if it’s years down the line, because she already did that going to Braavos and it hasn’t really solved anything for her. I think her abilities would be better used with her helping the smalfolk and protecting them, especially in the Riverlands where she’s spent so much of her arc and has seen the worst of what the nobility can do when abusing their power.

Like, from a narrative standpoint, why have her be witness of the atrocities and injustices that the lower classes have to endure because of the uncaring elites? Why have her be so outraged by it and care so much? Only for her ending up skipping off to another continent in which she’s already been to and didn’t really fix anything of her problems or gave her any peace. Instead of being with her people and in a home she’s constantly yearning for no matter how much she tries to push her desire down.

This idea that exists about Arya, as a character, being above or disconnected from the political side of the series is just such a blatant lie, else the whole Jeyne P/“F!Arya” plot wouldn’t exist. Because yes, the abuse and horror that happens in that plot are 100% about Jeyne, and it should be addressed as such. But also, it’s hard to ignore in all honesty how said plot mostly serves Theon, to add even more stakes to his journey and further his development (*gasps* sexism?? In my GRRM’s writing? It’s more likely than you think). I mean, it’s true that GRRM could have used literally any of the Stark kids (except Robb and Jon obviously) as a railing point for the Stark loyalists to gather around, but for me what makes that storyline stand out to me is precisely that Arya’s name is the one being used. Rickon being a hostage could have worked just as well if we ignore the fact that as a male heir Ramsay would’ve probably killed him in less than a day, but that didn’t happen. The reason D&D failed so spectacularly when they gave Sansa that plot (obviously besides the fact that Sansa is an important character with her own plot and journey that just got completely shoved aside because it wasn’t “interesting” enough for the show’s standards yikes) is that they only gave her the Jeyne-abuse part and not the Arya-northern conspiracy part, so it was only abuse and violence for the sake of it. And as I said, to me it is so significant that it’s Arya’s name being used as a symbol of resistance in the North because parallel to that, on another continent, we have Arya, the little girl who believes she’s not wanted, that she’s not important, who wants to disappear like a ghost and become No One because she doesn’t know how else to deal with her grief, not being aware that a whole kingdom is mobilizing itself out of, yes, love for her family, but also for her, not forgetting her name. And given that Arya’s story is so much about holding on to your identity and yourself, that’s powerful.

GRRM keeps on reminding us how much Arya matters in Westeros. Honestly her precence is everywhere. She’s present in the Riverlands where Brienne keeps on stumbling on places Arya’s been, meeting Gendry who feels so guilty about having lost her he’s frozen in one place waiting for her return, keeps getting closer to the Hound’s whereabouts who’s the last person able to confirm Arya was alive in Westeros. She’s present with the Brotherhood without Banners that are frantically looking for her with Lady Stoneheart as their leader, and of course we can’t forget that Catelyn was resurrected in the first place thanks to Arya, Nymeria and the promise Beric did to Arya. She’s present with Nymeria and her massive pack of wolves that people are taking more and more notice of. She’s present in the North as the Ned’s little girl, a key factor in why the Mountain Clans are willing to follow Stannis at all.

Arya matters so much to Jon, not as a Stark or as a symbol but as his little sister, that he almost loses his mind thinking she’s being hurt by Ramsay. Which again… it’s been said that Jon would care just the same for any of his other siblings, but that’s not even that important tbh? Because if you’re arguing that Jon loves all his siblings then the answer is yes, he obviously does, but the difference is that GRRM already spend so much page space directly telling us how much Jon and Arya love each other, how significant they are in each other’s lives, how much they miss each other, so Jon’s anguish and desperation and the emotional punch that comes with it is far greater than it would be with anybody else. We have Arya, where the only centrality she’s ever had is that Jon Snow would want her no matter what, no matter the things she’s had to do in order survive. And Jon, who wants Arya so badly he commits treason to get her back.

That’s the point, that’s why Arya, her name and the emotional bond that links her to so many people in Westeros, matters. Arya Stark matters and has impact in Westeros, and she should stay in Westeros.

[dracarysthisdick]

How the Dothraki (Don’t) Work in Game of Thrones

A Song of Ice and Fire (ASOIAF) has a reputation for being brutal and dark, and you won’t find me disagreeing with that. Without going into a lot of details, there’s quite a bit of fucked up shit there.

But I’ve also seen people call the series realistic, and hearing that does NOT tickle my pickle, so to speak. Now, we all know that the series has ice demons and dragons, but that’s not what we’re talking about when we say “realism.”

It would be a shallow criticism if I just point out, using my big-boy brain, that dragons don’t exist in reality.

In my opinion, the world of ASOIAF is not very realistic, but it’s very immersive, nonetheless. The series is filled to the brim with details to make the world seem like a place that all these characters live in, so it’s easy to get sucked into.

On top of that, Westeros has so many memorable characters from different backgrounds that it feels very alive.

But at the end of the day, George is writing a story about characters and the human heart in conflict with itself. The worldbuilding in it exists to serve the characters and their development, not the other way around. And in my opinion, it suits the story just fine most of the time.

Most of the time…

As you might have guessed from the title, there’s one instance of worldbuilding in ASOIAF that I honestly can’t stand – the Dothraki and their culture.

Part 1: Mongolian Heart

The Dothraki need no introduction to anyone even vaguely familiar with the series. They’re scary horse people, who ride horses and do scary things.

And when you say “scary horse people,” the first thing that pops into people’s minds is probably a shirtless Jason Momoa.

he do be lookin good

But the second thing is probably Genghis Khan, everyone’s favourite brutal conqueror and a source of inspiration when GRRM created the Dothraki.

On top of the Mongols, George has also taken from lots of other cultures from all around the world:

“The Dothraki were actually fashioned as an amalgam of a number of steppe and plains cultures… Mongols and Huns, certainly, but also Alans, Sioux, Cheyenne, and various other Amerindian tribes… seasoned with a dash of pure fantasy.”

GRRM

Far be it from lowly old me to disagree with the author himself, but I have to make a stand here. To me, it feels like the Dothraki were created based on the pop culture portrayal of these cultures instead of the actual people themselves.

And to make my point, I’ll take a look at a few key points of the Dothraki culture and waffle a bit.

Part 2: Dothraki Scuffles

A huge part of the Dothraki culture is focused on fighting and warfare, but I have a few concerns 

The first, and one of their defining characteristics, is their disdain for armour. The Dothraki not only don’t wear armour, and look down on anyone who does.

In reality, Mongols, Turks, or Huns had no qualms about wearing armor on the battlefield. Even when they lacked the ability to manufacture armour, which wasn’t uncommon in steppe cultures, they’d go out of their way to trade for it.

The “Native American” comprises a large and varied number of cultures, and appropriately enough, they’d also prepare armour from a variety of different materials using different techniques. You’d be hard-pressed to find human cultures where warriors would avoid armour out of pride, let alone any that were as successful as the Dothraki are in ASOIAF.

While most people think of Native Americans as unarmoured or lightly armoured, that portrayal comes from a period when guns were commonly used in warfare. According to my sources (Modern Weaponry mod for Dark Souls 3), even full plate armour isn’t a good defense against being shot by a gun.

Speaking of being shot, the next point is arrows; or lack thereof. A common thread between nomadic steppe cultures is their extensive use of horseback archery in battle. 

And they didn’t just zerg rush the enemy while blindly firing arrows either. Mounted archers could sweep in, attack the enemy from range, and sweep out. It’s the ol’ reliable, and while this seems simple, it takes a lot of skill, discipline, and most importantly, coordination between units.

While it’s not hard to find Mongols being portrayed as a horde of indisciplined screaming barbarians, they were far more coordinated in reality.

Their whole approach to warfare would fall apart if soldiers couldn’t work together as a unit. There’s a reason why they were so successful, after all. 

The good news is that the Dothraki do use arrows, to the point that Jorah thinks they easily outrange Westerosi archers. Not as much as Mongols or Turks but its there.

The bad news is everything else about Dothraki warfare. There’s a famous anecdote about the Dothraki within the world of ASOIAF. It’s about the time the Dothraki attacked Qohor, only to be defeated by 3,000 Unsullied warriors:

Eighteen times the horselords charged. And eighteen times, the Unsullied locked their shields, lowed their spears, and held the line against twenty thousand Dothraki screamers.

If they truly were an amalgam of various nomadic steppe cultures, as GRRM said, there has to be some resemblance between them and our reality. Instead, they mindlessly charge at the enemy without any regard for their own safety, despite being light cavalry.

Part 3: Horses by Patt Smith is a Good Album

The Dothraki sure do like their horses, as did the cultures they’re supposed to be based on.

The difference is that the Dothraki only seem to like horses. Rearing any other animal is, in their eyes, for losers.

When the Dothraki invaded a Lhazarene village, they killed all the sheep there and left the corpses to rot. Now, I can forgive them for not taking the sheep with them, taking care of pets can get pretty hard, but not even taking anything from the corpses is just hilariously wasteful.

But the Dothraki say nay to lamb chops and prefer eating horses instead. 

While this might seem stupidly obvious, a horse is a valuable commodity – especially to a Dothraki. But as useful as they are, Horses don’t really make for a consistent source of food. They’re slow to breed and take a long time to grow into adults.

In comparison, sheep take much less time to breed and grow and are easy enough to handle when compared to large herbivores like buffalos. Plus, they produce a lot of handy resources for nomads.  they can all be cured, preserved, and transported without too much hassle.

And all they require for food is grass, which, as Victarian Greyjoy learned, is pretty common in the Dothraki sea.

There’s a reason sheep are so common in steppe cultures.

Part 4: The Characters

There’s another nomadic group of people in Westeros who are deemed to be uncivilized by the sneering masses from their fancy cities with their fancy plates and forks. And fortunately for them, they have no problem wearing clothes.

We’re talking about our favourite band of rascals, the Wildlings.

Here’s a quick experiment: take a moment to try and remember 6 different Wildlings from the series.

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Now, the usual suspects would be Tormund, Ygritte, and Mance Rayder, but there are other characters like Val, Osha, Rattleshirt, Craster and his funky bunch, Varamyr the walking zoo, and so on.

This Varamyr guy sure is something

And look at what a (kinda) diverse collection of characters we have here. Sure they’re generally trending towards being murderous assholes, but they’ve all got distinct personalities.

You probably saw it coming, but here it goes: try to remember 5 Dothraki characters. 

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Now, try to remember their personalities.

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If you are like me (someone who doesn’t really have a good memory), you probably couldn’t remember 6 names off the top of your head.

And another thing you might have noticed is that most of them don’t really have distinct personalities at all. Did you know that Jhogo, Aggo, and Rakharo have been with Danaerys with four books? Call me a sloppy reader because I didn’t even realize they were still alive, let alone what they were like.

An excuse I see people give is that the Dothraki are shown from the POV of Dany, so they appear shallow. Maybe there’s a Dothraki version of Rodrik Harlaw out there, but we’ll never know because Dany isn’t interested in finding out.

Like I said at the start, George is writing a story about characters, and the reason why the Dothraki are the way they are is because Dany’s story needed them to be.

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