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Even if that's how I feel today

How could I say that love is a foreign body in my system when I experienced for sixteen years the taciturn love expressed by a wagging tail. How could I say that love is a foreign body in my system whenI experienced the trust of my best friend, brother, son, dog to hold him in his last breath. How could I say that no one has ever loved me when the little girl seeking acceptance, death by sticking her fingers down her throat, is proud to see me alive and naked. How could I say that no one has ever loved me when I decided to close, to heal the leak of hope in my arms, to accept that life is worth living.

Love can come in many forms and situations. "Even if that's how I feel today" represents the times when I've felt that I'm not worthy of love. But it's always necessary to look back to perceive it.

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En las casas del viejo pesebre/In the houses of the old manger

Green mountains, browns rise up in a warm hug to the sheep and their walk over them. Lights illuminate my face as they turn on and off, reminding me that the laughter, the games end as well. Some lights one day decided to sleep forever, and I wish I had noticed the warning so as to accustom my heart to the pain of the brightest lights, and their absence. The enthusiasm of years ago, to know if Mary was going to the left or right. I relive it in memory, because divorces, deaths, fights, years have weakened the illusion for these dates. Separated sheep like the relatives I no longer see, since the nucleus was my grandmother, and without speaking we signed the agreement to ignore everything that reminds us of her. I cling to the fallen sheep, old paper, broken pictures, damaged lights, dusty star when tears remind me the sadness of living without the Verde.

I remember my excitement several years ago when it was time to create the shape of mountains out of manger paper. Sometimes with the help of shoe boxes, books or anything that was useful. Always accompanied by sawdust to simulate the earth that gives life to the mountains.

Houses of the same size as the sheep around them, many of them fallen down while others stood up. Small, medium, large. Size didn't really matter. What was important was the complement with the figures of the Virgin Mary, St. Joseph, Baby Jesus, the mule and the ox. The "Nativity Scenes".

It's common to visit a house around this time and focus on the number of nativity scenes they have. Two, four, six. It depends.

But it wouldn't be a nativity scene without the lights. Yellow, red, many colors. The last step. The conditions were already optimal for receiving the gifts from St. Nicholas or Baby Jesus days later, at 12 AM on December 25.

"In the houses of the old manger" celebrates the Christmas tradition of the Venezuelan Andes of assembling the manger in December.

A tradition full of union, love, family. But nostalgia and sadness are impossible to ignore when the last component is missing. When paths have separated and grudges have triumphed. When a light is damaged and the manger is never the same again.

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Daily Poetry collection

"Daily Poetry" is a collection on objkt where I minted the poems I wrote daily during April for National Poetry Month.

30 poems listed.

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If I could turn back time

Cual mariposa formando, antes larva; no se consigue la expansión sin calma Ante el incesante paso del tiempo ir en paz hacia la meta prefiero

"Like a butterfly forming, once a larva;

expansion is not achieved without calm

In the presence of the incessant passage of time

I prefer to go in peace towards the goal"

I've been feeling very impatient lately. Impatient with myself, with my goals, with the universe, with everything. I want so many things in my life and I want them now. Maybe that's what keeps me from moving forward.

Today I decide to let go of the when, where, how and understand that everything I want wants me even more and it will come at the right time.

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Self love ≠ Rivalry

Mi vida cambió cuando comprendí que amor propio no es comparación Por mucho tiempo me dije y creí "No hay ser más grandioso que haya creado Dios" y la verdad es que sí Sí hay mujeres más bellas, mejor ilustrador y admitirlo no indica que mi brillo perdí porque mi vida no es una competición En un mundo donde amor propio es rivalidad prefiero subir una cuesta sin pensar en tumbar a los demás

"My life changed

when I realized

that self-love is not a comparison

For a long time I said to myself and believed

"There is no greater being that God has created"

and the truth is that there is

There are more beautiful women, better illustrators

and admitting it doesn't indicate that I've lost my luster

because my life is not a competition

In a world where self-love is rivalry

I'd rather climb a hill without thinking of knocking others down"

I don't believe in self-love where we seek to tear others down. That self-love where we are commanded to think that we are the best, that there is no better illustrator, writer, chef, teacher, etc that compares to you. That belief that leads us to disappointments, competitions, rivalries.

And the truth is: there will always be someone with the same talent as you or even more. And that shouldn't make you feel bad. Because we are simply all different and each person is on a different path.

For a long time I listened to affirmations to reinforce my self-esteem and I believed in that kind of "self-love" and it only generated emotions that I don't want to feel in my heart.

I believe in self-love where we all help each other and where our lights are not overshadowed by any because together they can make a bigger one.

I seek to overcome my version of a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. Not others.

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Lazo Eterno/Eternal Bond

Aquí he visto esa unión indescriptible kilómetros de distancia viajar pasar tan imponente como un roble cielo, tierra, desierto y mar cruzar Esta alianza ya viene establecida desde el momento en que el "Sí" se dijeron para amar durante toda una vida y que el amor viva aún a dos metros Como esos canarios juntos volando van abriendo sus alas por los cielos o ese perro en las noches divagando compartiendo en el frío con su dueño Lo presencio en esa flor renacida que por tanto tiempo estuvo dormida y, después de la muerte, revivida

"Here I've seen that indescribable union

miles of distance travel

pass as imposing as an oak tree

sky, land, desert and sea cross

This alliance is already established

from the moment the "Yes" was said

to love for a lifetime

and for love to live even two meters away

Like those canaries flying together

they open their wings in the skies

or that dog at night wandering

sharing in the cold with his owner

I sense it in that flower reborn

that for so long was dormant

and, after death, revived"

"Lazo Eterno"/"Eternal Bond" is my poem in Spanish inspired by the MyOneAndOnly: Love Everlasting event.

After my grandmother's death I understood a lot about the strong connection and spiritual bond she had with my grandfather. A therapist once told us that their souls had a pact, which nothing and no one could undo. That pact can make us put that person before everything else, even our health. It's something that's hard to understand when you're not there, but that's how it is.

My initial intention was to write my first sonnet. Then inspiration struck and I just let the words flow.

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Unstoppable

The limits come

from my mind

from traumas

of my ancestors

And I cut the cycle

I let them go

now

It is written

that waits for me

everything my soul adores

"Unstoppable" represents the recognition of the obstacles that I have put myself for many years, which prevent me from fulfilling my desires. I let go of everything that doesn't bring anything positive to my life.

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Goals

My goal is

to love myself

not just 5 days a month

To love my body

every hour, every minute, every second

no matter what size I am

no matter what I look like

To love my journey

to not be ashamed anymore

of what I did

or failed to do

My goal is to

understand

My goals have changed a lot over the years. The most important thing for me today is to love myself completely, in all my versions and in all the paths I take.

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Fireflies

Days are not always good. Sometimes I even feel like there are more bad days than good days. Maybe that's not true and I only focus on the little negative things.

But what is true is that the universe always manages to surprise me. It manages to wake me up and take me out of that great emptiness in which I sometimes find myself.

And they are not always extraordinary things. Sometimes it's simply a hug, a message from my loved ones or the visit of a beautiful bird at my window.

Looking back I realize that bad days don't last forever, and that I'm so grateful to be alive to realize the blessings of the universe.

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Changes

In my head has been this thought, this idea. It pops up every time I look in the mirror. Every time I try to put on those pants that no longer fit. Every time I sit down and my belly comes out. Every time someone reminds me that I look fatter. Or every time I look at pictures from months ago and I don't look like I used to.

That's when I start thinking how much I want to lose weight, how many times a day I should exercise, that I should stop eating certain things, and....

And I remember. I remember that at that time I wasn't just a body. And what about my emotions? How was my mood back then? Why was I really thin?

My body was different because I couldn't eat right, and not because I didn't want to. Hunger and

worrying about what I was going to eat the next day kept me from being healthy. So what do I really want? To go back to how I was before, even if I wasn't healthy? Those were the worst months/years of my life and I would never want to go back.

So no, I don't want to go back to how I looked before, because I would have to go back to that time where I was unhappy. And nowadays it's worth more how I feel on the inside.

"Changes" represents my healing process in terms of my appearance. For a long time I wanted to look the way I looked years ago, a time when I didn't eat well, was unhappy and hated myself. I learned that self-love is loving yourself not only when you fit within the standards of beauty.

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Beginnings

I see the future a little clearer

although I know

that I don't have it all secured

because I don't have total control

But at least

I can say

that I took the first step

In a long time

towards the direction I want to go

that fills me up

makes me happy

moves me

makes me feel

October 6 was my NFT anniversary and I couldn't be happier to be here right now.

I have grown and evolved a lot in terms of my art the last few months. I've practiced confidence in myself and what I do.

It's crazy to think that a year ago I still didn't know how to draw like I do today, or that it didn't even cross my mind to start writing about my emotions.

Art has really helped me heal.

And to think that today, after so many months of being unhappy doing what I didn't want to do, studying a career that didn't fulfill me and being in a place I didn't want to be to make others happy, I can finally say that I have decided to follow my heart.

To follow what I'm passionate about. My escape for all these months I felt miserable. Today I decide to put my desires and what moves my soul first.

"Beginnings" is a gift to all my collectors who have supported my work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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Unforgettable

Have you ever felt that way? Yes, we are human. We make mistakes. We are constantly changing and evolving and what we thought months ago may not be what we think now.

I understand that. But still the idea keeps going around in my head. I keep thinking about that pointless argument I had with someone. I don't forget that time I made a mistake in front of an entire class. Much less do I forget the decisions and attitudes I had when I was a teenager.

Inside me there is a voice that won't let me be wrong. Constantly criticizing and judging every action I take. And there are many things I'm not proud to have said or done. But I acted according to my ideals/opinions/judgments at the time.

Maybe it's time to be less hard on me.

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Soy más/I am more

"Yo soy más

más que mis errores

mi pasado

experiencias, dolores

más que mis defectos

y, por supuesto

más que la inseguridad

que ellos en mí generan

Odio, tristeza,

pereza

eso y más

también en mí vive

pero no me define"

"I am more

more than my mistakes

my past

experiences, pains

more than my flaws

and, of course

more than the insecurity

that they generate in me

Hatred, sadness,

laziness

that and more

also lives in me

but it doesn't define me"

Why struggle with my "not so good" part? Why deny it? Even if I spend days in bed without wanting to do anything, even if I make mistakes, even if in the past I have done things that no longer belong to who I am today... I am more than all that.

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Ya no/Not Anymore

"Hoy celebro la mujer en la que me he convertido

fuerte, poderosa y amable conmigo

porque por mucho tiempo permití que me humillaran

¿Y cómo no? Si yo misma me pisoteaba

Pero hoy no dudo en alzar mi voz

y mandar a la mierda a cualquiera

porque esta tranquilidad que tanto me ha costado

a nadie le permito dañar mi trabajo"

"Today I celebrate the woman that I've become

strong, powerful and kind to myself

because for too long I allowed myself to be humiliated

And how could I not? If I used to trampled underfoot to myself

But today I don't hesitate to raise my voice

and tell anyone to fuck off

because this tranquility that has cost me so much

I won't allow anyone to damage my work"

This piece is the first one of my newest collecion called "Pensamientos" where I'm honoring my writings in Spanish.

When I was drawing this piece, it came to my mind all the times I have kept quiet about what makes me uncomfortable or the times I have allowed myself to be humiliated. I used to come home and cry because I felt I wasn't able to defend myself, plus I didn't want trouble with anyone. Today I look back and I know that 10, 13, 16 year old Maria would be very proud of me. And I am proud of her because without her I would not be the woman I am today.

This is a reconciliation and show of love for myself.

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Struggle

Sometimes I wish making decisions were easier. At least for me. There are so many things to think about and analyze that sometimes I just prefer to sleep.

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It Will Pass

Many times I have found myself in situations where I think I'll never be able to get out and be happy again. Now I use those experiences to move forward and understand that I am strong enough.

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Not Me

"I used to see myself as a normal, innocent, happy child

just worrying about jumping, laughing, playing around

there were no worries in my mind

that's why I say that was my best time

Things changed some time later

the first time I dared to see myself completely naked

it was... Weird

everything looked so ugly to me

"I didn't think I was like this"

it sounds crazy

but I don't think I was actually seeing my real version

I was seeing the version that others built about me

a completely different person"

I've dealt with my perception since I was very young. I used to saw myself in the mirror and I only saw something strange, nothing like me.

Now I know that those times I was seeing myself the way others said I looked and I wanted to change what they said was wrong or ugly.

It's not easy to get out of that abyss.